Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.9 “Return To Death’s Door”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, a future star makes an appearance and Bruce gets a chance to prove himself.

Episode 6.9 “Return To Death’s Door”

(Dir by Winrich Kolbe, originally aired on December 12th, 1982)

Teenage Chris (Lee Montgomery) is risking his life in dangerous street races! Can Ponch, who knew Chris’s older brother and who was there the day that Chris’s brother was killed in a street race, get through to Chris? Sure, he can. He’s Ponch. He can do anything.

This episode of CHiPs felt very familiar. This is not the first time that the show featured Ponch having flashbacks to his youth as a juvenile delinquent. Of course, Estrada plays himself in the flashbacks and, by the time the sixth season rolled around, he was a little bit old to be convincing as a teenager. But no matter! What’s important is that Ponch took part in one last race to convince Chris to change his life around. That’s the power of Ponch!  (And fear not.  Ponch appears to have gotten over the death of his fiancée in record time.)

While Ponch was saving lives and changing outlooks, two honeymooners from the South were stealing cars and having a fun time seeing the sights. Honey Jean was played by Kathy Shower while her new husband, Billy Joe, was played by an actor named Bryan Cranston.

That’s right. Bryan Cranston!

This episode proves that everyone had to start somewhere. Today, Bryan Cranston is best-known for playing Walter White on Breaking Bad and the father on Malcolm in the Middle. (To be honest, I think Malcolm in the Middle is one of those shows that people claim to like more than they actually do.) In 1982, he was just a young actor playing a down-home car thief on CHiPs and speaking with a really broad country accent.

Interestingly, it’s Bruce Nelson who arrests Billy Joe and Honey Jean. Between Ponch ending the street races and Bruce making arrests, Bobby Nelson really didn’t get to do much in this episode. Tom Reilly may have been listed second in the credits but this episode treated him like a bystander. From what I’ve read, Reilly and Estrada got along even worse than Estrada and Wilcox. When Reilly got arrested for driving while intoxicated, it led to the real Highway Patrol threatening to pull their sponsorship and, if CHiPs had come back for a seventh season, it’s easy to imagine that Reilly would have been gone and Bruce Penhall would have been Ponch’s new partner. That actually might have worked because Penhall is a far more believable cop than the somewhat spacey Reilly.

In fact, Bruce gets to do a lot of good things in this episode. He also rescues a dog that had gotten loose on the highway and brings it to the station. Harlan adopts it and Getraer spends this episode sneezing. Eventually, the dog’s owner picks up the dog. Don’t worry, though. Bruce shows up with yet another dog and this one is even cuter than the first!

The dogs were cute and I enjoyed saying, “Wait a minute! Is that Bryan Cranston!?” For a sixth-season episode of CHiPs, that counts as success.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.20 “Top of the World”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Michael Mann directs the downfall of Luca!

Episode 1.20 “Top of the World”

(Dir by Michael Mann, originally aired on March 6th, 1987)

Luca has taken control of Vegas, and now he’s out of control. He’s gambling nonstop and cheating to win. While his wife spends all of her time watching The Price Is Right, Luca is carrying on affairs with both Bambi (Debbie Harry) and Max Goldman’s wife, Joanne (Debra Stipe). Luca has everything that he’s spent this entire season saying that he wanted: money, legitimacy, and power. But at heart, he’s still the same Chicago gangster that he’s always been. As Torello deduces, he needs the risk and the danger that come with being a criminal. Without it, he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

At the beginning of this episode, Torello tells the demoralized members of the MCU that they can do one of two things. They can either track down Luca’s parents and shoot them for having him, or they can start over with their attempt to build a case against him. (Torello, as intense as ever, doesn’t seem to be joking about tracking down Luca’s parents.) Torello’s plan is to sow dissension among Luca’s troops. When dapper courier Tony Dio (Paul Anka) is spotted leaving Luca’s casino with a suitcase full of skimmed cash for Manny Weisbord, he’s stopped by Torello and essentially kidnapped. They then let Max know that Luca has been sleeping with his wife and insinuate that Luca killed Tony and took the money for himself.

Meanwhile, Luca is temporarily barred from working at his casino by the Nevada Gaming Commission. He can’t even step into any of the places that he owns. Stuck at home with his wife, Luca starts to go stir-crazy. When Steve Kordo tells Luca that Weisbord is asking where his money is, Luca decides that Max is trying to stab him in the back. Luca has Frank Holman plant a car bomb in Max’s car. Though the bomb goes off, Max survives. At the hospital, a severely burned Max tells Torello that he has no intention of being a rat.

However, someone else is, and it’s exactly who you would least expect. Luca, high on pills and self-pity, rapes Pauli’s girlfriend, Donna (Audrey Matson). Pauli grabs a shotgun and starts wandering around Vegas, searching for Luca. Torello is able to arrest Pauli in a diner. Pauli tells Torello the details of every murder that Luca committed over the season, including the murder of David Abrams’s father.

After a shoot-out with Luca’s bodyguards at the casino, Torello, Abrams, and the MCU track Luca down to a restaurant where he’s having dinner with Bambi. (They’re celebrating because an appellate court has stayed the order keeping Luca out of his casinos.) At first, Luca is smug. But when he hears that Pauli is the one who betrayed him, his smile disappears. The episode ends as Luca is taken into custody.

This episode was directed by the show’s executive producer, Michael Mann. Mann does a great job keeping the action moving and showing both Luca’s rapid rise and his just-as-rapid descent. Visually, Mann plays up the darkness in which all the characters live. Nearly every scene takes place at night. When we see Torello sitting in his office, the shadows are so heavy that they almost seem to be swallowing him. This episode reminds us that, just as Luca will always be a Chicago gangster, Torello will always be a Chicago cop. Luca and Torello live in the same darkness, and it’s threatening to devour them both.

Next week, the first season concludes!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 3.11 “Holiday: Part One”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, it’s the holidays!

Episode 3.11 “Holiday: Part One”

(Dir by Philip Earnshaw, originally aired on December 17th, 2003)

It’s Christmas in Canada!

While snow blankets the ground, Sydney and Joey have a tree-trimming party that is attended by Caitlin and Spike.  Caitlin reveals that she’s going to be spending Christmas alone but it doesn’t matter because it’s just one meaningless day out of the year.  Joey is horrified at the thought of Caitlin being by herself for the holidays.  Sydney, on the other hand, is wondering why her boyfriend is so worried about what his high school ex is going to be doing over the holidays.  Still, when Joey and Sydney need someone to babysit Angie for a night, Sydney reaches out to Caitlin.  Caitlin allows Angie to stay up too late and to wear the red dress that Sydney made for her to wear on Christmas day.  Sydney is not amused.  Caitlin says, “Don’t blame her….”  “I’m not,” Sydney replies.

Caitlin, shaken over rightly being called out for her own irresponsible behavior, stumbles out of the house.  Joey follows her and says that Sydney didn’t mean to be harsh.  Sydney just likes things a certain way.  Then, he and Caitlin kiss.

Meanwhile, Joey’s stepson, Craig, is torn between his girlfriend Ashley and his secret girlfriend Manny.  Manny gives Craig an ultimatum.  She tells him to pick either her or Ashley.  Craig picks Manny and then goes over to Ashley’s house to tell her.  Before Craig can say anything, Ashley gives him a guitar that once belonged to her grandfather who, she says, played it with Django Reinhardt.  Craig forgets about dumping Ashley.

The next day, Manny sees Craig at school.  He’s sitting next to Ashley and playing his guitar.  Manny is not amused.  Craig lies and tells Manny that he and Ashley have broken up but “I haven’t told her about us yet.”  The school Christmas show is coming up and Craig and Ashley are scheduled to perform a song together.  Craig explains that it would make the performance awkward if he told Ashley that he liked Manny.  Manny accepts Craig’s lie.  For now.

And that’s it!  If this episode seemed a little anti-climatic, that’s because “Holiday” was actually an hour-long Christmas special that was split into two episodes for syndication.  The action, as it were, doesn’t really pick up until the second half.  We’ll take a look at that next week.

For this week, let me just admit that I’ve always had mixed feelings about this episode.  On the one hand, I love the holidays and, of the many relationship dramas that played out over the course of this series, the whole Ashley/Craig/Manny triangle was a favorite of mine.  But it’s always bothered me that, in this episode, Sydney was suddenly transformed into a bitch just so the show could justify Caitlin and Joey getting back to together.  I mean, really, what did Sydney do wrong?  She wanted the house to be neat.  She wanted the tree to look nice.  And she didn’t want Angie to ruin her pretty dress.  Somehow, all of this is supposed to make Sydney look bad.  Meanwhile, Caitlin is a grown woman who is still obsessing over the boyfriend who treated her terribly in high school.

We’ll conclude this holiday next week!

Retro Television Review: Homicide 6.4 “The Subway”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This episode made me cry.

Episode 6.4 “The Subway”

(Dir by Gary Felder, originally aired on December 5th, 1997)

It’s another morning in Baltimore.  Salesman John Lange (Vincent D’Onofrio) goes to the local subway station with his girlfriend, Sarah (Laura MacDonald).  Sarah goes on her morning run.  John enters the station so he can catch his train to work.  John is wearing a suit and he’s moving quickly and impatiently.  When he reaches the platform, something happens.  We see John and a shorter man falling forward as the train pulls in.  We see the bystanders gasp.  And then we see that John is pinned between the train and the platform.  Only the upper half of his body is visible.  The lower half of his body is twisted underneath the train.  John is still alive.

Homicide is called because, even though John is breathing and shouting, everyone knows that he’ll soon be dead.  Pembleton and Bayliss arrive.  Bayliss interviews Larry Bierdon (Bruce MacVittie), a man who claims that he was pushed at the same time as John.  Pembleton talks to John Lange.  For once, Pembleton — who has always tried to remain coolly detached — finds himself dealing one-on-one with a man whose name will soon be going up on the board.

John is confused and he’s angry and he’s demanding to know why he hasn’t been freed yet.  He yells at the EMT (Wendee Pratt) who is checking his blood pressure and continually asking him if he’s feeling anything.  Everyone seems to know that John Lange only has 30 to 40 minutes left.  Everyone but John.  But eventually, Lange figures it out.  While everyone else — the EMTs, the firemen, the cops — go about their job like any other day  (and the EMT herself gets annoyed with John’s constant abuse), John Lange hopes that he’ll somehow get that million to one shot that will allow him to be freed from the platform without dying in the process.

Falsone and Lewis search for Sarah.  Actually, “search” is a bit too generous a term for what they do.  Falsone and Lewis wander around the harbor and glance at any women who they see jogging.  Lewis talks about how much he hates getting older.  They spend a lot of time shooting the breeze.  At one point, Sarah runs by them and they don’t notice.

At the station, Bayliss discovers that Larry Bierden previously shoved a man in front of a subway in Chicago.  Larry was placed in a psychiatric ward.  When he was released, he moved to Baltimore and did it again.  It becomes obvious that there was no grand reason for Larry pushing John.  If Larry hadn’t pushed John, he would have pushed someone else.  John’s death is a random case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

As for John, he finally starts to feel the pain of being pinned.  The EMT explains that she can’t give him painkillers in his current state because it will reduce the miniscule chance that they have of saving his life.  Pembleton sits down next to the train and holds Lange’s hand.  Pembleton talks about his stroke.  Lange talks about how sugar maple leaves will turn whenever it rains.  Lange tells Pembleton, “I’m okay,” just before the EMTS inflate the airbags that push the train away from the platform.  Lange is freed and dies immediately.

Pembleton steps outside the station, where Bayliss is joking with a uniformed cop about how Larry Bierden apparently thought he could get away with doing the exact same thing that he did in Chicago just by moving to a different city.  Pembleton stops to stare at Bierden, who is handcuffed in a squad car.  “I want my ID back,” Bierden says, a complaint that he’s been repeating ever since Bayliss initially took his expired drivers license away from him.

As they get in their own car, Pembleton asks Bayliss if he knew that sugar maple leaves turn when it rains.  Bayliss says that he didn’t. “Learn something new every day,” a shaken Pembleton says.

Meanwhile, Sarah runs past the station, little knowing that John has just died.

This was an incredibly powerful episode, one that had me sobbing from the minute I saw John trapped between the train and the platform.  Vincent D’Onofrio gives an incredible performance as John Lange, one that works because the show itself refuses to sentimentalize the character.  John Lange is angry and abrasive and the show doesn’t ask us to like him.  Instead, it asks us to acknowledge the humanity that we all share.  Lange may not have been a likable person but he was still a person.  If he hadn’t been pushed, he would have gone to work like any other day.  Instead, because he was pushed, he spends 40 minutes dealing with the realization that he’s going to die.  He’s pissed off and he has every right to be.

This was an emotionally draining episode.  As I watched, I kept flashing back to my Dad in home hospice care and his final words to me: “I don’t understand what’s happening.  I feel so weak.”  I was exhausted by the time the episode ended.  John Lange wanted to say goodbye to his girlfriend and instead, he said goodbye to Frank Pembleton, the stranger who comforted him in his final minutes.

(Would it have killed Lewis and Falsone to have looked a little harder?  To be honest, their failure to find her was realistic and it kept the episode from descending into sentimentality.  Still, I’ve never been quite as annoyed with Meldrick Lewis as I was while watching The Subway.  Given the previous three episodes of Homicide, I guess I should just be happy that the show didn’t have Falsone magically figure out a way to save John’s life.)

This was one of the best television episodes that I’ve ever seen.  And I never want to watch it again.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.6 “Operation Zack”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Zack injures his knee and has to go to the hospital!  Hilarity ensues!

Episode 3.6 “Operation Zack”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 28th, 1991)

Along with being a track star, a radio announcer, a member of the student council, and the leader of Zack Attack, Zack Morris is also a star basketball player.  Bayside’s basketball team has a big game coming up.  They’re coached by a short person.  That’s the joke.  While rushing out of the dressing room for lay-up drills, Zack collides with Mr. Belding and somehow injures his knee.  Screech rushes him to the hospital and, in a preview of what he would do to Mr. Belding on countless episodes of The New Class, Screech continually pushes the wheelchair-bound  Zack into walls and desks, causing him to reinjure his knee.  The show thinks it’s hilarious but I’ve injured my knee and my ankle before and I know how painful it is.  Screech is a moron.

Lisa’s mother, Dr. Turtle (Susan Beaubian), says that Zack’s knee is going to require surgery.  She says that it’s no big deal but everyone else acts as if Zack has been given a death sentence.  “They’re going to hack Zack!” Zack says.  He has a dream where he sees his own funeral.  (Screech appears as his guardian angel.)  Zack disguises himself as a doctor and tries to sneak out of the hospital.  Dr. Turtle catches him.  Lisa, who is volunteering as a candy striper, tells Zack that everything is going to be okay.

And everything is!  The surgery is a success.  Zack even survives Screech trying to turn on the television by using the bed’s remote control.  And Mr. Belding does Zack’s homework for him.  That makes no sense. How is that even allowed?

This episode was pretty dumb.  That said, I did once watch it while I was actually in the hospital because I was recovering from an asthma attack and, at that time, it did cheer me up.  Dumb as it is, the episode does get at a universal truth.  Everyone hates going to the hospital.

Finally, this episode features one of Dustin Diamond’s worst performances.  Screech is especially annoying here because, for once, his stupidity actually does hurt someone.  Zack doesn’t need some doofus clumsily pushing his wheelchair while shouting, “Lady with a baby!”  Whenever Screech caused Zack to bump into something, I felt shooting sympathy pains.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar looked fairly annoyed whenever he had to share a scene with Dustin Diamond.  In this case, I don’t blame him.

Next week, Screech plays chess and loses his lucky beret.  What a dummy.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.20 “The Big Spill”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, someone has turned a lagoon into a death trap!

Episode 2.20 “The Big Spill”

(Originally aired on May 4th, 1992)

This week, Lane Brody returns!

Now, if you’re like me, your initial reaction to that is to say, “Who?” When I first saw Lane Brody (played by Jeff Lester) at Baywatch Headquarters, I found myself wondering why everyone was so happy to see him, because I didn’t have the slightest idea who he was. For once I decided to do some research instead of just making a wild guess as to what was going on.

What I found is a little messier than the episode implies. Jeff Lester had appeared once in season 1, in “Old Friends”—but as Lance Jarvis, a different character. This episode presents Lane as a former Baywatch lifeguard turned environmental activist and as Mitch’s old friend. The writers seem to have assumed viewers would greet him like a returning regular and be immediately invested in his story.  One has to admire the show’s confidence, if nothing else.

In this episode, Lane is established as being a member of Green Force, a group of environmentalists who take “direct action” against hunters and oil companies. Mitch agrees with Green Force’s belief in protecting the environment, but he feels that their tactics are counterproductive. When Hobie and his friend Brenda (Patricia Supancic) get sick after a dip in a polluted lagoon, Mitch reconsiders his stand.

Lane is convinced that the lagoon was polluted by Transicon Industries. When he sneaks into a Transicon chemical plant to look for evidence, he’s attacked by the company’s goons and then framed for polluting the lagoon himself. With Lane out of commission, it’s up to Mitch and Shauni to break into the plant and find the evidence. Fortunately, Ben Edwards has some wave runners they can use to make their escape. Everyone at Baywatch is united in their love for Lane Brody.

This was another action-oriented installment of Baywatch. The message is sincere, but the villains are such caricatures that it’s hard to take the show seriously. It ends with Mitch and a recovering Hobie surfing in the ocean. It’s a nice moment of bonding.

Finally, I have no proof of this, but I find it interesting that this episode seems to indicate Lane Brody was willing to return to Baywatch, and that season 3 then introduced a new lifeguard named Matt Brody. As far as I know, Lane and Matt weren’t related, but it still wouldn’t surprise me if Matt was originally going to be Lane. Again, that’s all just speculation on my part. It could also just be that someone on the show liked the last name Brody.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Sledge Hammer 1.6 “To Sledge, With Love”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing SLEDGE HAMMER!, a cop comedy which ran on ABC from 1986 to 1988. The entire series can be found on Prime!

This week, Sledge is going back to school!

Episode 1.6 “To Sledge, With Love”

(Dir by David Wechter, originally aired on October 31st, 1986)

When an obnoxious man insists on smoking a cigar in the police station despite it being against the rules, Sledge Hammer shoots the cigar out of his mouth. Later, when Hammer asks Captain Trunk if he’s going to yell at him about shooting the cigar, Trunk asks what difference it would make.

It’s good to see that Trunk is learning.

Speaking of learning, the local high school has been taken over by a gang! It’s time for Sledge Hammer and Dori to go back to school. Unfortunately for Hammer, that means that he can’t shoot or even hit anyone. “You mean I have to wait until this punk is 18 before I can toss him off the roof?” Hammer asks. Sorry, Hammer!

The school has a lot of problems, but the main one is a delinquent named Turk (Shawn Klugman). Turk is more concerned with stealing cars for Mr. Roscoe (Norman Alden) than with going to class. When Sledge Hammer tries to get through to him by showing off his gun and challenging him to a fight, Turk laughs him off. When Sledge Hammer tries to teach Turk that he’s a “homosapien,” Turk angrily declares that he has lots of girlfriends and then walks out of class.

It looks like Turk is a lost cause, but Hammer has one more trick up his sleeve. He reveals how much money Roscoe is making by selling used cars. Turk realizes that he deserves to get paid a lot more than just $500 for his hard work. Turk helps Hammer take down Roscoe and then, at the end of the episode, he announces that he’s going to join the Police Academy as soon as he graduates.

Good work, Hammer!

I enjoyed this episode more than last week’s. While last week’s episode sometimes seemed to be a bit too much of a straight crime drama, this week’s episode returns to the format of nonstop jokes. The entire episode is a parody of those painfully earnest films where a teacher comes to a tough school and manages to change the lives of their students. Hammer changes lives not with confidence-building and smart lesson plans but instead with a big gun. Hey, whatever gets the job done!

How do you thank someone who took you from crayons to perfume? It’s not easy, but I’ll try….

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.11 “Santa Claus Is Dead”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

It’s Christmas in Boston.

Episode 4.11 “Santa Claus Is Dead”

(Dir by Leo Penn, originally aired on December 18th, 1985)

It’s the holidays and, of course, Westphall is depressed.

Are we surprised? It’s Christmas. Everyone else is making an effort to spread some holiday cheer. Westphall is being his usual glum self. Westphall is — and I know this is just going to be the most shocking reveal ever, so I’ll give you a chance to get ready for it — an agnostic who doesn’t celebrate the holidays. WOW! Who would have guessed?

Yes, yes, I know: Westphall is supposed to be the moral center of this show, the man who takes all the burdens of running the hospital on his shoulders. That may have been the writers’ intention, but for the most part he just comes across like a self-righteous bore.

Lizzie (Dana Short) and her boyfriend, Rick (Casey Siemaszko), visit Westphall for the holidays. Rick seems like a genuinely nice guy who is sad because he’s away from his family and their Christmas traditions. Westphall isn’t much help. When Rick gives him a present, Westphall smiles glumly. When Rick talks about how it’s Christmas Eve and his Catholic family usually attends midnight mass, Westphall says that he and Lizzie should go to a movie because “there won’t be any lines.” When Rick and Lizzie decide to go to the midnight service at St. Barnabas and agree to take Tommy with them, Westphall says that he won’t be joining them. If Rick, a Catholic, is willing to spend Christmas with a bunch of Episcopalians, the least Westphall could do is set aside his boring agnosticism for one night.

Dr. Craig hosts his annual Christmas party. Feeling sad about Stephen, Craig drinks too much and ends up crying in the kitchen. When Ellen tells him that it’s time to go to St. Barnabas, Craig refuses and complains that he can’t worship a God who would so “arbitrarily” kill his son. My heart broke for the Craigs. Still, there’s always something annoying about people who have no problem believing in God when bad things happen to other people, then have a sudden crisis of faith as soon as something bad happens to them. On the one hand, I felt Mark pain.  On the other hand, there was a part of me that thought, Hey, Mark — your son was a drug addict who got high and drove. What do you expect God to do about it?

At the hospital, the man hired to play Santa Claus (Aaron Fletcher) has a heart attack and collapses right in front of a bunch of horrified children. At first it appears that Santa is going to live, but after surgery he has another heart attack and dies. Because Axelrod was Santa’s doctor, Dr. Auschlander’s grandson, Max (Danny McMurphy), accuses Axelrod of killing Santa.

Fortunately, before Santa died, Max did tell him that he wants a snow globe to replace one that belonged to his grandmother. (Max accidentally broke it.) After Santa dies, Max’s grandmother discovers that a gift has been left for her under the hospital’s Christmas tree. It’s the snow globe! So the old man really was Santa.

And now he’s dead.

The episode ends at St. Barnabas. Westphall shows up at the service, and Tommy, who usually tries to hit his father, runs down the aisle to hug him. Meanwhile, Dr. Craig walks in the rain.

Wow, what a depressing Christmas episode. It was also a pretty moving one. I will admit that I started crying as soon as Santa had his heart attack. Seeing Santa in the hospital brought back memories of sitting with Dad when he was in home hospice care. I was the one who was there when he died, and I was the one who sat there for two hours, waiting for the hospice nurse to arrive. Back in 2023, I had no idea that would be the last time I would ever give him a Christmas present. As this episode showed, there’s a lot of sadness in the world, but there are also those moments of happiness and, if we’re lucky, community.

Yes, Santa died. But at least he got to deliver one final gift.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Hunter 2.2 “Night of the Dragons”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Hunter, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Hunter and McCall get involved in a gang war in Chinatown!

Episode 2.2 “Night of the Dragons”

(Dir by James Whitmore, Jr, originally aired on September 28th, 1985)

McCall’s desire to try out a Chinese restaurant leads to her and Hunter witnessing a shootout and an apparent murder in Chinatown. (It’s “apparent” because the body disappears in all the confusion.) A war is brewing between two gang lords, the Chinese Chang (James Hong) and the Vietnamese Mr. Nim (Arsenio “Sonny” Trinidad). However, when Hunter and McCall try to investigate, they’re told to let the “Asian Affairs Unit” handle things.

Hunter suspects that an old friend, Detective Raymond Lau (Clyde Kusatsu), has gone crooked and is now working for Chang. It turns out Hunter is half-right. Lau is giving information to Chang, but only because Chang has kidnapped his daughter and is holding her hostage. Chang, it turns out, likes to kidnap people. For instance, he kidnaps McCall. How often can McCall get kidnapped? It seems to happen fairly frequently.

This was another action-packed episode of Hunter. Every few minutes, someone is either shooting a gun or threatening to. Meanwhile, McCall just wanted to find a nice Chinese place to eat. It’s obvious that, with the second season, the show had found a formula that worked for it and was determined to stick to it. This episode benefited from strong guest performances from Hong, Trinidad, and especially Clyde Kusatsu.

That said, I do wish this episode had explored its themes a bit more deeply. It’s mentioned that Hunter served in Vietnam, but it’s mostly just a throwaway reference used to explain how Hunter knew that the bullets recovered from a crime scene had been fired by Mr. Nim’s gang. The rivalry between the Chinese Chang and the Vietnamese Nim also serves as a reminder of the Vietnam War, but again, the episode doesn’t really dig into it. At one point, Chang says that Lau is weak because he was born not in China but in America, and again, it’s hard not to feel that the episode missed an opportunity to dig deeper with both men.

(I’ll also mention that, at one point, McCall compares one of the Chinese gangsters to Godzilla. Godzilla, needless to say, is part of Japan’s culture and not China’s.)

This was a good episode of Hunter that felt like it had the potential to be so much more.

Retro Television Review: Sylvan In Paradise 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  This Thursday, I will be reviewing Sylvan in Paradise, which aired its only episode on NBC in 1986.  The show can be found on YouTube!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Terry Hughes, originally aired on August 2nd, 1986)

“Welcome, welcome, welcome,” says Sylvan Sprayberry (Jim Nabors) to the guest checking into the Hawaiian hotel that employs him. Sylvan is tall, goofy, and talkative, and it’s never really made clear how he somehow became the head bellboy at a hotel in Hawaii. At one point, even Sylvan says he can’t believe he’s gone from “pickin’ cotton in Alabama” to working in paradise.

The uptight owner of the hotel, Clinton Waddle (Brent Spiner), fears that Sylvan will embarrass him when the Vice Consul of New Zealand (Michael Ensign) checks in. Sylvan is more concerned with making sure his niece, Lucy Apple (Courteney Cox), has a wonderful wedding when she marries another bellboy, Sparky McCann (Glenn Withrow).

When a guest who claims to be named Roy Rogers (Pat McCormick) gives Sylvan a statue to deliver to “a man in a green jacket,” Sylvan hands the statue off to Sparky so Sparky can get the tip. Unfortunately, both Roy Rogers and the man in the green jacket turn out to be drug smugglers, and the statue is full of cocaine. Sparky’s going to jail! “Golly!” Sylvan says.

Sylvan sure does feel bad about ruining Lucy’s wedding and getting Sparky sent to jail. Plus, the Vice Consul is now insisting on checking out of the hotel. When Sylvan insists on helping the Vice Consul with his luggage, one of the suitcases opens and reveals that the Vice Consul of New Zealand is himself a drug smuggler. Ha! Take that, New Zealand!

Somehow this leads to Sparky getting out of jail. No one has any hard feelings against Sylvan because he’s such a nice guy. Personally, I would have hard feelings, because just about everything that happens in this episode could have been avoided if Sylvan weren’t so stupid. Jim Nabors gives the same performance here that he gave as Gomer Pyle in the 1960s. The only problem is that Gomer was supposed to be young, whereas Sylvan is in his late 50s and looks older. He really has no excuse for not knowing any better. Would you hire someone who screws everything up to be your head bellhop?

The pilot did not become a series. Today, the only thing really interesting about it is that it featured a pre-Star Trek Brent Spiner and a pre-Friends Courteney Cox. Cox is stuck playing a one-dimensional role, but at least Spiner gets to express some annoyance with Sylvan. He was probably speaking for the entire audience.