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As I mentioned earlier, I am getting some rest this week. Retro Television Reviews will return next week, on June 8th!
Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews
Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.19 “Fight For Your Right”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015! The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.
Oh no, Emma’s got a cause!
Episode 2.19 “Fight For Your Right”
(Dir by Chris Deacon, originally aired on February 2nd, 2003)
This episode is a good example of Emma being the worst.
Emma and Ashley approach Principal Raditch and tell him that they don’t want genetically modified foods in the cafeteria. Raditch tells them to buzz off, which is the right response when you consider that Raditch is probably just following the orders of the school board. Emma responds by standing outside the school and handing out flyers that announce that Sheila the lunch lady is “poisoning” the students with the food she’s serving.
Now, to me, this is the moment that Emma goes from being a young idealist to being arrogant brat. Sheila works for the school. She’s a lunch lady. I doubt she lives in a nice big house like Emma. Sheila probably needs the job. Emma is accusing Sheila of poisoning people. When Ellie sensibly points out that saving money with GM food — as opposed to the expensive organic crap that Emma wants the school to serve — allows Degrassi to give free meals to poor students, Emma accuses Ellie of not caring about the fact that the students might get cancer in 20 years. Principal Raditch finally comes out and tells Emma that she’s not allowed distribute “propaganda” on school property.
And again, it seems to me that Radtich is within his rights. Number one, why isn’t Emma in class? Number two, Emma is accusing a school employee of being a potential murderer. Number three, Emma is causing a disruption on school property.
The show disagrees with me. The show wants me to say, “Yay, Emma!” Even when Emma goes into the cafeteria and accidentally starts a food fight by knocking Toby and JT’s lunch on Jimmy, we are meant to be on Emma’s side. When Emma gets offended at Raditch’s insistence that she apologize to Sheila, we’re meant to be on her side. One thing that we don’t see is who gets stuck cleaning up the cafeteria after the food fight. I’m going to assume that it was probably the same Sheila that Emma accused of poisoning the students.
Emma is suspended for the day so she stands across the street and holds a sign, claiming that her right to free speech has been violated. Raditch tells Emma that if she doesn’t apologize on the next day’s video announcement, she’ll be suspended for a week.
At home, Emma asks Snake what she should do. Snake encourages her to …. NOT APOLOGIZE! Well, he doesn’t directly say that but he doesn’t say that she should apologize either. Snake, in case you had forgotten, is not only Emma’s teacher but also her stepfather. Spike is on a trip so he’s the only parent at home. Snake, at this point, should be saying, “This is a dumb protest and you should at least apologize to Sheila. No matter what else happens, you’re not getting your organic food in the cafeteria so there’s nothing to be accomplished with any of this.”
Instead, the next morning, Snake just sits there with a big dumbass grin on his face when Emma goes on the video announcements and refuses to apologize. Okay, Snake, do you think it’s cool that a school employee has been accused of poisoning the students? Oh, and Snake — are you the one who is going to call Spike to tell her that you got her daughter suspended from school for a week? Spike, who had to fight so hard for the right to go to school when she was pregnant with Emma, will certainly appreciate hearing that!
Seriously, Emma is the worst! But the only she’s the worst is because this show was convinced that she was the best. One gets the feeling that Emma’s character was a case wish-fulfillment for the show’s writers. Imagine a world where you can be obnoxious and self-righteous and everyone loves you for it!
There is a B-plot and, to be honest, it probably should have been the A-plot. Spinner, jealous that Jimmy’s parents buy him everything, steals Jimmy’s CD player and attempts to sell it. When Jimmy finds out, he overturns a trash can. Spinner takes a job at the cafeteria to earn money and gives Jimmy back the CD player.
“You are my best friend!” Spinner says.
“Was,” Jimmy replies.
Oh my God! Spinner and Jimmy, no! Actually, Spinner and Jimmy were always ending their friendship and then eventually restoring it. They’ll be fine. Still, their storyline was a lot more interesting than Emma’s latest crusade.
When in doubt, always focus on Spinner. That’s a lesson the writers should have taken to heart.
Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.12 “Betrayal”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.
This week, Kellerman finally clears his name and Bayliss takes the job too personally …. again!
Episode 5.12 “Betrayal”
(Dir by Clark Johnson, originally aired on January 1oth, 1997)
It’s finally time for Detective Kellerman to testify in front of the Grand Jury. At first, Kellerman is thinking of taking the Fifth so that he won’t have to testify about what any of the other members of the Aron squad may or may not have done. However, when Kellerman realizes that another member of the squad has named him in order to try to make a deal with the prosecutor, Kellerman changes his mind. He says that he will testify. He will throw his career away. He’ll do it because he’s not going to let anyone think that he’s a dirty cop. The prosecutor (Rebecca Boyd) is so moved that she allows Kellerman to testify that he never took a bribe but then declines to ask any follow-up questions. Kellerman is cleared.
This, of course, is something that would never happen in real life. A prosecutor declining to ask follow-up questions because she respects the witness? Seriously? That said, if it means the bribery storyline is finally wrapped up and Kellerman can return to active duty, I’m happy.
Meanwhile, Pembleton and Bayliss investigate the death of a teenage girl who was found abandoned on the side of the road. When it’s revealed that the victim was horribly abused, Bayliss — of course — takes the case personally. For Pembleton, it’s just another case. It’s what he does for a living and he knows better than to get personally involved. For Bayliss, it’s a crusade. At the end of the episode, Bayliss reveals that he was abused as a child. He also says that he no longer wants to be Pembleton’s partner.
WHAT!?
Dammit, Bayliss, we just got Pembleton back and now you don’t want to work with him!?
Don’t get me wrong. This was a good episode but it did leave me feeling a bit frustrated. Hopefully, Bayliss and Pembleton will make up soon. The Kellerman bribery subplot went on forever. Here’s hoping the same doesn’t happen with Bayliss and Pembleton’s divorce.
Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.5 “House Party”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Screech’s parents are gone. It’s time to party like Elvis!
Episode 2.5 “House Party”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 6th, 1990)
Mrs. Powers (Ruth Buzzi) and her husband go to Graceland for their anniversary, leaving Screech alone for a few days. It’s time to have the boys over so that they can lip-sync to the Beach Boys! Unfortunately, when the girls come over to laugh at the boys, a bust of Elvis is shattered. It’ll cost $250 to replace! Despite the fact that all of the main characters — with the exception of Kelly and Slater — come from wealthy families, everyone claims to not have any money. You know who does have money? Max Nerdstrom (Jeff Asch)! Max also has a girlfriend named Violet (Tori Spelling), who has a crush on Screech. (Or Samuel, as she calls him.)
This is an important episode in the history of Saved By The Bell, in that it not only introduces us to Violet Bickerstaff but it also establishes that Tori Spelling was bad actress even before she was cast on 90210. (If anything, Spelling is actually better-cast as Violet than as Donna Martin because Violet was at least supposed to be awkward and cringey.) This episode also introduced us to Max Nerdstrom, a great character who only appeared once but who should have been a regular member of the cast. That said, it’s also obvious that the only reason this episode was made was so Slater, Screech, and Zack could do the Barbara Ann scene. It’s all pretty obviously ripped off from Risky Business, just without the prostitutes and Tangerine Dream soundtrack.
How to raise the money to replace the statue? Zack challenged Max to a poker game and ends up losing not only another $250 but also the Powers family dog. If Zack had $250 to lose in a poker game, how come he didn’t have it to buy a new Elvis? Seriously, don’t try to follow Bayside logic. Jessie has to go on a date with Max in order to get the dog bac and Zack throws a party to raise money for the new statue. Mrs. Powers arrives home early and announces that she told Screech that he wasn’t allowed to throw any parties. Zack announces that it’s a surprise anniversary party for Mrs. Powers and her husband (who is apparently just sitting out in the car while all this is going on). Why would a bunch of teenagers throw an anniversary party for a 50-something Elvis fan?
Bayside logic, baby!
It still a cute episode.
Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.6 “Point Attack”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.
This week, Eddie tries to change a young man’s life.
Episode 2.6 “Point Attack”
(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on October 21st, 1991)
Cort returns!
When the syndicated version of Baywatch first aired, John D. Cort (John Allen Nelson) was among the first season cast members who were no longer on the beach. His absence was not addressed. With this episode, we learn that he’s been in either South America, Kuwait, or Asia. No one’s sure. To me, it sounds like Cort’s a drug smugler.
Anyway, Cort shows up on the beach, just in time to help Eddie break up a gang fight! Eddie, remembering his own tough past in Philadelphia, arranges for the gang members to become a part of W.A.T.A.R., a lifeguard-run program for troubled youths. This the second episode of Baywatch’s second season to feature a gang subplot. It’s hard not to notice that whenever anyone who isn’t white shows up on this show, they’re always portrayed as being 1) poor and 2) affiliated with a gang.
Eddie hopes that he can convince gang leader Memo (Richard Coca) to change his ways. Unfortunately, Memo’s father (Danny Trejo) wants his son to follow in his footsteps as a gang member.
When told that Memo is facing jail, his father says that’s no big deal and adds, “I did time!”
“So did I,” Eddie replies.
Eddie — do you really want to challenge Danny Trejo on the subject of prison?
On the one hand, it’s always good to see Danny Trejo and there’s a definite authenticity to his performance that the rest of this episode lacks. At the same time, having Trejo around makes it all the more clear just how miscast Billy Warlock was a former juvenile delinquent-turned-lifeguard. Watching this episode, I could buy Billy Warlock as someone who could save me if I was drowning. (Thanks, Billy!) But seeing him a graduate of the hard streets of Philadelphia? That was a step too far.
As for the rest of this episode, Cort is far less of a rogue in this episode and he even helps out with the W.A.T.A.R. program. (If anything John Allen Nelson seems to get all the lines that would usually have gone to David Hasselhoff, who is barely in this episode.) When Eddie catches Memo trying to steal from the locker room, there’s a chase scene that goes on for so long that I was literally wondering if Eddie and Memo were eventually going to end up back at Baywatch Headquarters. I’m all for a good action scene but this chase went on for so long that it verged on parody and left me wondering if maybe the show’s director realized, at the last minute, that the episode needed padding.
Unfortunately, Danny Trejo and David Hasselhoff don’t share any scenes in this episode. As mentioned earlier, the Hoff is barely in it! That seems like a missed opportunity to me.
Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 2.15 “Prime Cut”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!
This week, it’s flesh-eating time!
Episode 2.15 “Prime Cut”
(Dir by David Calloway, originally aired on January 21st, 1990)
Tony Dow plays a hiker who worries that his guide (Sandal Bergman) might actually be a vampire. Every few minutes, Dow either spots Bergman drinking blood or preparing to drink blood but then, just as suddenly, he wakes up. Finally, he wakes up one final time and discovers that he’s actually been having feverish visions because he was in a plane crash and is now stranded in the wilderness. He and Bergman are the only survivors of the crash and they’ve resorted to eating bodies of the other passengers. Dow’s wife (Amy Lyndon) eventually stumbles on the two during her own abortive attempt to provide a rescue. Uh-oh, will she now have to eat human flesh as well?
Ugh, this episode. Both storylines had potential but they really didn’t go anywhere. This was one of those episodes where, every few minutes, something weird would happen and then we would immediately cut to someone waking up. While I understand that the dreams were a part of the show’s trademark, the episode still overused them. It was far more dull than any show featuring Tony Down and Sandahl Bergman as cannibals had any right to be.
Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 3.22 “Tears of a Clown”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Daily Motion.
Send in the clowns….
Episode 3.22 “Tears of a Clown”
(Dir by Janet Greek, originally aired on March 13th, 1985)
Do you like clowns?
Then this episode is for you because there are clowns all over the hospital! When Dr. Chandler tells circus clown Bonko (Gina Hecht) that she should quit the circus because she has MS, her fellow clowns all show up at the hospital to support her. And yes, they wear their clown makeup! Bonko’s partner, Corky (Dennis Dugan), understands that Bonko is a born performer. As the episode ends, Bonko and Crky perform in an elevator and cheer up Andrea Fordham (Ann Hearn), Dr. Caldwell’s plastic surgery patient. Having had her declaration of love rejected by Bobby, Andrea could definitely use the cheering up.
Dr. Morrison needs some cheering up to. Working as a resident, a medical student, and a single father is a lot of pressure and his relationship with Clancy (played by Helen Hunt) isn’t bring him much relief. Morrison is suffering from insomnia and headaches and popping pills. He’s late to a timed exam and flunks. I swear, Morrison can never get a break. The only thing keeping him from being the most depressing character on the show is that Westphall somehow always seem to be even more afflicted with melancholy.
This episode features Westphall finally finding a condo that he can move into. He’s accompanied by Dr. Craig and they are mistaken for a couple by the realtor. Craig looks annoyed. Westphall looks glum. Westphall always looks glum!
Finally, Elliot discovers that Mrs. Hufnagle left him her entire meager estate. It’s also now his responsibility to spread her ashes.
After last week’s dramatic and emotional episode, this week felt rather lowkey. How you react to this episode will probably depend on how much tolerance you have for clowns.
It was an okay episode, even if it did ultimately feel like filler. After last week’s emotion-packed installment, this episode served to remind us that life goes on, even after Hufnagle dies and Shirley Daniels pulls a gun on everyone. That’s just the way things are in the city of Boston.
Late Night Retro Television Review: Hunter 1.7 “Pen Pals”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Hunter, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1991. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week, Hunter goes to jail!
Episode 1.7 “Pen Pals”
(Dir by Larry Stewart, originally aired on November 16th, 1984)
Rick Hunter, murderer!
Well, not quite. It is true that someone used Hunter’s gun to assassinate a drug dealer but, at the time of the shooting, Hunter was helping a woman who came by his apartment and said that her car had broken down. It’s a set up! But, because Hunter threatened to kill the drug dealer earlier and he’s killed around 20 0ther people since the pilot, everyone assumes that he’s guilty. He’s sent to jail for 72 hours. McCall, forced to partner up with the charming but incompetent Detective Glascow (Tim Thomerson), attempts to prove that Hunter was framed. Meanwhile, Hunter befriends one prisoner (Tracey Walter) and is targeted by another (Jack O’Halloran).
There were a few odd things about this episode. First off, why wasn’t Hunter put in protective custody? Everyone in the jail knew that he was a cop. He hadn’t actually been convicted of anything. So, what was he doing in general population?
Secondly, what happened to Hunter’s mob connections? Previous episodes have hinted that Hunter’s father is one of the most powerful gangsters in California. Wouldn’t that give him some sort of protection in prison? Couldn’t the Hunter crime family have asked around and discovered who set Rick Hunter up?
Oh well, no matter. This was a fun episode! Tim Thomerson was wonderfully smarmy as McCall’s new partner. Jack O’Halloran was properly psychotic as the scary prisoner looking to take down Hunter. If any actor was born to be filmed beating up people in a prison cafeteria, it was Fred Dryer.
Luckily, Hunter got out of jail at the end of the episode. Now, he and McCall can get back to falling in love.
Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.33 “The Lieutenant Had A Son”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958. The show can be viewed on Tubi!
Episode 1.33 “The Lieutenant Had A Son”
(Dir by David Alexander, originally aired on May 26th, 1958)
After spending five years overseas, career soldier Lt. Larry Hayes (Leo Penn) returns to New York City. He wants to see the son that he’s never met and he’s not happy when he discovers that, in his absence, his wife (Loretta Leversee) has married another man (Will Kuluva). His wife goes to the police for protection but, once it becomes obvious that she committed bigamy, Casey has to try to sort out who is married to who and who Larry, Jr. (Robie Grant) belongs with.
This was an odd episode. Absolutely no one was sympathetic. I even got annoyed with Casey for getting involved with these people. Lt. Hayes was a self-righteous martinet. His wife was a flake who simply didn’t seem to understand why she wasn’t being given a pass on the whole bigamy thing. Five year-old Larry, Jr. was played by a child named Robie Grant. I was not surprised to discover that this was Grant’s only credit because he was beyond lousy in the role. I have never been more annoyed by a five year-old.
The most interesting thing about this episode is that Larry Hayes is played by Leo Penn, the father of Sean, Chris, and Michael Penn. Leo Penn gives a believable performance as Larry. It wasn’t his fault that the character wasn’t particularly likable.
Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.3 “Caught In The Draft”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
This week, it’s for the draft.
Episode 4.3 “Caught In The Draft”
(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 19th, 1988)
The Bulls attend the draft and screw everything up. It turns out that allowing the players to own the team was a really bad idea. In fact, it goes so badly that TD Parker (OJ Simpson) really deserves to be fired for suggesting it in the first place. But, nobody wants to get on TD’s bad side, for some reason.
How badly does it go?
The Bulls need a linebacker. Sonny Cowers, the phenom out of Louisiana, is available in the first round. Unfortunately, Mad Dog worries that, if he drafts Sonny, the Bulls will then either release or trade him. Seeing as how Mad Dog owns the team, I’m not really sure how he could be traded or released but whatever. Mad Dog picks a player that the team doesn’t need and Sonny is picked by another team.
Meanwhile, Jethro and Bubba insist on drafting an unheralded running back because they’re convinced the man is in their hotel room and threatening to commit suicide if he’s not drafted. It turns out that the man in the hotel room was just an actor and that the Bulls just got conned into drafting some fat guy from Tennessee.
The Bulls do get a new head coach when TD trades a sixth round draft pick for the new coach of Houston’s term, Ernie Denardo. That’s right, Denardo’s back!
The draft is such a disaster that the bank cancels their loan and the players are forced to sell the team to the fast food company that they were trying to avoid being purchased by in the first place.
I actually liked this episode. I enjoyed the chaos of the draft and it was hard not to laugh at the earnest stupidity of the players. Shouldn’t you guys be trying to draft a quarterback? I thought at one point and, for a second, I felt like a sports expert.
Seriously, they need do need to get a quarterback.
Through the Shattered Lens 