Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.5 “Slice O’Life”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

This week, it’s a busy few days in Boston.

Episode 4.5 “Slice O’Life”

(Dir by Eric Laneuville, originally aired on November 6th, 1985)

Oh, the drama!

Elliot is still struggling to lose weight.

Fiscus is having an early midlife crisis, especially when a cancer patient (Todd Susman) philosophically accepts that the treatment is going to leave him impotent.  The patient has lived a life with meaning.  What has Fiscus done?

Dr. Craig finally admits to Ellen that he knows he was too hard on their now dead son.  They are both preparing to raise their granddaughter, Barbara, in their home.  However, Yvonne’s parents (Ramon Bieri and K Callan) arrive in Boston for a visit.  They are so blue collar and, in Dr. Craig’s eyes, unsophisticated that they almost seems like caricatures of what the rich think the poor are like.  They reveal that Stephen and Yvonne asked them to serve as Barbara’s legal guardians in case anything happened.  At first, Ellen refuses to let them take Barbara.  “Get your wife in check,” Yvonne’s father says.  “I’ll see you in court,” Dr. Craig replies.

After complaining about feeling like he has a cold and then getting upset about the Hospital Board not immediately approving all of his projects, Dr. Westphall collapses in the St. Eligius stairwell.  It turns out that he has Malaria.  Apparently, a self-righteous attitude and a bunch of impractical ideas were not the only things Westphall brought home from Ethiopia.

Finally, Bobby spends another weekend up at Cape Cod.  He picks up a local woman.  They have what Bobby is probably expecting to be just another one night stand.  The woman, however, has a razor blade that she’s hidden under her tongue (yikes!) and proceeds to slice Bobby across his face.

AGCK!

Up until that ending, this was a fairly typical episode of St. Elsewhere.  It looked like the big drama was going to be the Craigs temporarily losing Barbara.  Instead, the drama is that Bobby might be dead!

Oh, poor Mark Harmon.  When he first started playing the role on this show, Bobby was portrayed as being a nice guy who was a little boring.  The show really had no idea what to do with him, other than have him occasionally take his shirt off.  For the fourth season, the show’s writers turned him into an arrogant hedonist.  On the one hand, I’m sure there are a lot of doctors like Bobby Caldwell.  On the other hand, the change really does seem to have come out of nowhere.  And now, he might be dead.  I guess the lesson here is to stay away from Cape Cod!

The attack on Bobby ultimately overshadows everything else that happened in this episode.  I will say that, before Bobby got attacked, I was enjoying Dr. Craig’s rather snobbish reaction to Yvonne’s parents.  As for Dr. Westphall …. eh.  Westphall’s kind of become a one trick pony.  He’s depressed and he wants the world to know it.  I know quite a few people like Dr. Westphall in real life, which is probably why I get so annoyed with his character on the show.

Seriously, Westphall, cheer up!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Hunter 1.15 “The Beach Boy”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Hunter, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, someone is killing criminals in Los Angeles and, for once, it’s not Rick Hunter!

Episode 1,15 “The Beach Boy”

(Dir by Richard Colla, originally aired on April 6th, 1985)

A Hawaiian drug lord is angered when five Los Angeles drug dealers decide to stop dealing his product.  So, he sends his main assassin — Wes “Beach Boy” Kapano (Brett Clark) — to L.A. to kill all five of them.  Hunter and McCall find themselves in the strange position of providing productive custody to the dealers while trying to stop Kapano.

This was a typical “chase-em-and-shoot-em” episode of Hunter.  Dee Dee even managed to get shot for the second time this season.  (And, once again, it didn’t seem to actually hurt her.  “I’m fine!”)  For the first season, at least, Hunter kept things simple.  In between the flirtatious Hunter/McCall banter, there would be at least one car chase and three shootings.

What sets this episode apart is that Hunter and McCall are protecting drug dealers.  While McCall makes it clear that she doesn’t actually care what happens to the dealers, Hunter’s feelings are a bit more ambivalent.  He’s been chasing the dealers for so long that he’s developed a grudging affection for them.  When one of them is killed while helping the police, Hunter’s actually upset about it.

The other thing that sets this episode apart was Brett Clark’s intimidating turn as the assassin.  The Beach Boy, as he’s called, doesn’t waste too much time with conversations.  He doesn’t brag about how clever he is or go to a lot of trouble trying to fool anyone.  Instead, he just shows up and starts firing.  He wears a bulletproof vest, as well.  McCall shoots him twice and he barely flinches.  He’s a scary dude!

That said, Hunter still manages to kill him.  How many people have been killed by Rick Hunter so far?  I’ve lost track.  Most officers are suspended after a shooting so that the shooting board can rule whether or not it was justified.  Hunter is always back on the streets within an hour of killing someone.  Considering how quick he is with a gun, I probably wouldn’t want to tell him he was suspended either.

Much like Hunter and McCall, this episode was brutal and efficient.

Retro Television Review: America 2100 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  This Thursdays, I will be reviewing America 2100, which aired its only episode on ABC in 1979.  The show can be found on YouTube!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot” 

(Directed by Joel Zwick, originally aired on July 24th, 1979)

In 1979, it appears that the comedy team of Chester Barnes (Jon Cutler) and Phil Kreese (Mark King) are on the verge of breaking up.  Tired of not finding success and struggling to pay the bills, Chester is thinking of moving home and working for his uncle’s refrigeration company.  Phil begs Chester to reconsider.  Chester finally agrees to sleep on it.  To help him sleep, Phil suggests warm milk and sleeping pills.  Chester and Phil go to bed in their small apartment….

….and wake up in 2100!

As the cheery Dr. Karen Harland (Karen Valentine) explains, Chester and Phil died in 1979 but, through the use of science, they’ve been brought back to life!   What is 2100 like?

It’s a lot like the 70s, just a little bit tackier.

The Future!

At first, Chester and Phil claim that there were the leaders of America in 1979.  When Karen says that the mysterious Max takes a dim view of lying, Chester and Phil admit that they were two unemployed losers.  When they ask who Max is, Karen explains that Max is in charge and that everyone has to do what Max is.

Max is a robot, though it’s not a good idea to call him that.  He prefers to be called a — wait for it — “computer.”  Max speaks with the voice of Sid Caesar.  Every child is brought before Max and told what they’re going to do with the rest of your life.  “You’ll be a microbiologist,” Max says to one child.  “You’ll be a female impersonator,” he says to another.  Eventually, Chester and Phil are brought before Max.

“You two will be museum exhibits,” Max says.

Chester and Phil are not happy about that.  They want to be in show business!  Back at their apartment, they explain to Karen that she’s living a life where there is no freedom and, without free will, life is meaningless.  Karen admits that she secretly wants to be a tap dancer.  She then shows off a few of her tap dancing moves and the audiences goes wild and the end credits roll.

Wow, I wonder what type of wacky adventures Chest and Phil had in the future!?

Well, they didn’t have any adventures.  This pilot aired once and it didn’t lead to a series.  Watching the pilot, I could see why the show didn’t work.  The two leads were miscast and they both played their roles very broadly.  When you’ve already got Sid Caesar providing the voice of a rolling computer, you really don’t need anyone else in the cast to go overboard.  It also didn’t help that Chester and Phil seemed to be pretty much interchangeable as characters.  The only thing that really distinguished one from the other was that Chester was the one with dark hair.

That said, I am a big believer in personal freedom and I appreciated that this show attempted to make the case for allowing people to be creative and to even screw up occasionally.  An America where everyone compliantly takes orders from a computer may have seemed unbelievable in 1979 but it’s a bit more plausible in 2026.  Max is basically a less cranky version of Bernie Sanders so it was fun to see someone tell him off, even if it was just Chester and Phil.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.11 “Final Bow”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, yet another new player joins the Bulls.

Episode 4.11 “Final Blow”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on December 14th, 1988)

Bubba’s fighting with his wife again!  Maybe Jethro can fix things by sending her a fur coat, along with a card claiming that the coat is a gift from Bubba.  Yes, that really is one of the main storylines on this week’s episode.  If nothing else, you can always count on 1st & Ten to keep things simple.

As for the other storyline, the Bulls have signed Olympic runner Moses Jackson (Peter Parros) to the team.  Moses’s agent (Calvin Lockhart), who is obviously meant to be a stand-in for Don King, announces that Moses is both the fastest man on the planet and also the world’s greatest athlete.  For his part, Moses doesn’t even want to play football.  He’s terrified of getting tackled.

Wide Receiver Coleman King (Richard Lawson) is scared that he’s going to lose his job to Moses.  Even though Coleman had never been seen or mentioned before last week’s episode, he is apparently an old friend of TD Parker (OJ Simpson).  TD is not so secretly in love with Coleman’s wife, Della (Vanessa Bell Calloway).  When a depressed Coleman goes to Bulls Stadium with a gun, it’s up to TD to turn on the charm and convince Coleman that violence is never the answer.  TD tells Coleman that he can’t play forever and he has to start thinking about what he wants to do once his athletic career is over.  Coleman decides that he would like to be a teacher.  TD takes Coleman’s gun and drives Coleman home in his Bronco.

During the next game, Moses turns out to be a bust.  Every time he gets the ball, he gets tackled almost immediately.  It’s not until the final quarter that he finally manages to break free and run for a 60 yard touchdown.  However, Moses then runs into the locker room and refuses to come back out.  The Bull are still down by 6 and their star player has just announced his retirement.  Fortunately, Coleman King is still playing and he manages to make a last-minute, game-winning touchdown.

Yay!  The Bulls remains undefeated.

After the game, TD congratulates Coleman and tells him that he picked a great way to go out.  Coleman laughs and says he’s not going anywhere.  He figures that he has at least another three years to go before retiring.  Teaching can wait!

This was actually not a terrible episode.  A lot of that is due to Richard Lawson’s empathetic performance as Coleman King.  In fact, Lawson turns Coleman King into one of the few interesting characters on the series.  I can’t wait to see what else he does …. oh wait.  According to the imdb, this episode was the last time that either Richard Lawson or Coleman King appeared on 1st & Ten.

Oh well, I guess that’s football for you!

 

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.5 “Only the Good Die Young/Honey Beats the Odds/The Light of Another Day”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 8.5 “Only the Good Die Young/Honey Beats the Odds/The Light of Another Day”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 13th, 1984)

This week, Isaac’s friend Lydia (Vernee Watson) boards the boat with her young son, Timmy (Emmanuel Lewis).  Is it time for Isaac to find love?  Not quite.  It turns out that Isaac knew Lydia’s deceased husband.  This trip is the first that Lydia and Timmy have taken since he died.

At first, Timmy is all cute and adorable.  But then he overhears Isaac talking to Lydia.  When Isaac mentions something about the good always dying young, Timmy decides to be bad so that he’ll live longer.  Soon, he’s sneaking out of his cabin, making a mess in the kitchen, and trying to steal stuff from the gift shop.  Finally, Captain Stubing and Isaac explain to him that what Isaac said was just an expression.  All is forgiven!

Oh God, this storyline.  I almost always respond to stories about people dealing with the loss of a parent or spouse.  I did not respond at all to this story, though.  Some of that is because Emmanuel Lewis’s performance as Timmy was way too cutesy.  Even more of it was because this story didn’t really deal with loss in any sort of honest or authentic way.  Instead, it was just some stupid kid who misunderstood something that he heard.  As usual, Ted Lange really poured his heart into his performance but otherwise, this story just fell flat.

Meanwhile, blind Millie Constant (Barbara Parkins) thinks that she has randomly run into Sam Washburn (John Bennett Perry — yes, Matthew’s father).  In college, before she lost her eyesight, she had a crush on Sam.  What she doesn’t know is that Sam is dead and she’s actually met his younger brother, George.  When Millie finally figures out that George is not Sam, how will she react?  Most people, blind or not, would probably be disgusted and go out of their way to avoid George for the rest of the cruise.  Millie, however, falls in love with George because this is The Love Boat!  This story actually featured two good performances.  Both Parkins and Perry did their best with the material they had been given to work with.  But the story itself asks us to suspend our disbelief just a bit too much.

Finally, Honey Mallory (Stephanie Faracy) boards the boat with her boyfriend, bookie Jake Diamond (James Sloyan).  With Jake more interested in making bets than romance, Honey starts to hang out with Miles Metcalf (Jack Riley).  Jake panics when he realizes that he might lose Honey.  He should also panic about the fact that Miles is a federal agent who has been secretly recording all of his conversations with Honey.  This story ends on a weird note.  Honey realizes that she loves Jake but Miles announce that Jake will be getting indicted at the end of the week.

All in all, this was not a memorable cruise.  None of the stories worked that well and, with the exception of Ted Lange, the Love Boat cast didn’t really seem like that they were that into it this week.  This was a pretty forgettable cruise.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.13 “Saving Serenity”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Del Toro returns!

Episode 4.13 “Saving Serenity”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on January 10th, 1999)

When last we saw former series regular Victor Del Toro (played by Marcos A. Ferraez), he was quitting the force after nearly being indicted for killing the man who killed his fiancée.  In this episode, Victor finally returns to Santa Monica.

Victor has spent the last five months wandering.  He now has bleached blonde hair and a serious drinking problem.  When a robber attempts to hold up the bar where Victor is getting drunk, Victor struggles with him.  The thief ends up getting shot.  Victor grabs the thief’s gun and runs from the bar.

Victor is on the verge of shooting himself on the pier when he sees a woman named Carmen Rios (Angela Alvarado).  Carmen reveals that she’s searching for her daughter, Serenity.  Serenity was taken away by her biological father.  Carmen wants to find her daughter and escape to Mexico with her.  Victor agrees to help.

Victor shows up at the Pacific Blue headquarters and announces that he wants to rejoin the force.  But, in reality, he just wants to steal the files concerning Serenity’s whereabouts.  Later, Victor fakes a bomb threat at the main police station so that he can steal another casefile.  TC, Chris, and Cory all reuses to believe that Victor could be involved in anything illegal.  Bobby Cruz is convinced that Victor is the one who shot the robber at the bar.

And really, Bobby has reason to be concerned about Victor’s desire to return to Pacific Blue.  Victor is a young, handsome Latino who overcame a rough childhood to become a respected bike cop and he’s extremely protective of his younger sister.  Bobby, who was introduced after Victor left the show, is also a young, handsome Latino who overcame a rough childhood to become a respected bike cop and he’s also extremely protective of his younger sister.  Because the show’s writers were too lazy to actually come up with a new character, Bobby basically is Victor.  If Victor returns, the show won’t need Bobby around anymore.

Fortunately, for Bobby, Victor is dead by the end of this episode.  He reunites Carmen and Serenity and then drags Serenity’s father out to the pier.  Holding a gun to the father’s head, Victor forces the man to repeat the serenity prayer.  Cory, TC, and Chris all have their guns drawn.  “No!” they all shout in slow motion before opening fire.  Victor plunges off the pier and hits the sand below.

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED VICTOR!

Well, it depends on how you look at it.  It turns out that none of them could actually bring themselves to shoot Victor.  They just shot up in the air.  And then Victor …. well, who knows?  The show implies that Victor jumped but, from what I saw, it looks like he was startled and fell backwards.  In other words, his friends may not have shot Victor but he might still be alive if they hadn’t fired.

Victor does indeed die at the end of this episode.  Wow, Pacific Blue got dark!  And I do have to admit that this is actually the best episode of Pacific Blue that I’ve watched so far.  Admittedly, it’s a low bar to clear but the whole episode was just so melodramatic and over-the-top that it actually managed to hold my attention in a way that this show usually doesn’t.  Those three slow motion shots of people shouting, “Noooooo!” in a row really were worth the price of admission.

So, Victor’s dead.  But at least Bobby’s place on the team is secure.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.12 “Christmas In July”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week, we’re back at that damn country club.

Episode 2.12 “Christmas In July”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)

The Palisades County Club is holding its annual Christmas in July celebration.  Along with the employees taking part in Secret Santa, a new Snow Queen will be named.  Again, this episode takes place in July.  There’s no snow on the ground.  The sun is bright.  It’s summer in California.  I can’t help but think that Santa costume that Belding is wearing is going to be getting awfully hot and smelly.  Even stranger, this episode aired in October.

Seriously, Saved By The Bell, why couldn’t you just be normal?

Screech is in a panic about Secret Santa.  After he learns that his girlfriend, Alison, has been given a new car by her father, club owner Big Ed (Frank Bonner), Screech wonders how his gift can possibly compete.  Hey, Screech?  Big Ed is her father.  You’re not supposed to compete with his gifts.  Anyway, Screech sells his never-bef0re-seen Scooter so that he can get Alison something expensive.  Meanwhile, Alison buys Screech a rinky-dink horn for his scooter.  Wow, Alison’s gift really sucked!  Alison’s driving a brand new car and she still couldn’t find Screech a gift that cost more than a dollar?  I guess their relationship must be all about the sex because it’s definitely not about love.

Meanwhile, Megan, Rachel, and Lindsay are competing to be Miss Snow Queen.  The winner gets a scholarship!  Megan is outraged when she discovers that there’s a swimsuit portion of the competition.  She demands that Rachel and Lindsay join her and quit in protest.  Rachel and Lindsay both say that they’re not quitting because they actually need the scholarship.  Megan, who has previously been established as coming from a wealthy family, decides to stay in the pageant so she can give a speech about sexism and keep the two poor girls from going to college.  Megan wins the pageant but she also apologizes for calling Rachel and Lindsay “bimbos” for not dropping out.  It’s good to see that performative activism did not go out of style after Jessie graduated.

This was a dumb episode.  The second season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class is a hundred times better than the first but the country club episodes still suck.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.2 “Tight Fit”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch becomes the Barcelona Man.

Episode 6.2 “Tight Fit”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on October 17th, 1982)

After Ponch and his new partner Bobby thwart an attempt to steal a lockbox of diamonds from a photo shoot, Ponch is invited to become a jeans model.  In fact, he even gets to appear on a giant billboard and star in a commercial as the shirtless Barcelona Man.

Well, of course, he does.  A lot of things may have changed last week but one thing remains the same.  We all know what we’re watching.

These episodes featuring Ponch getting “discovered” are always a bit silly.  Ponch always acts like he’s modest and kind of embarrassed to be at the center of attention but it’s never convincing because it’s obvious that Erik Estrada is loving it.  All it takes is one look at that big grin to know that Estrada is more than happy to be the shirtless Barcelona Man.

Now, to make clear, Ponch and Bobby did solve some crimes.  They caught a jewel thief who crashed his car in an attempt to hide his crimes.  They also busted a fashion photographer (Michael Haynes) who was coercing his underage models to pose nude and attend wild sex parties.  One of the models was played by Kim Richards.  She gets a scene where she attempts to jump off a ledge.  Can you guess which member of the Highway Patrol saves her?  I’ll give you a hint.  It’s not Bobby!

Much like last week, this episode highlighted the total lack of chemistry between Erik Estrada and his new partner, Tom Reilly.  Reilly spent most of this episode looking somewhat dazed and confused.  Unlike Larry Wilcox, who always came across as if he arrested people in his spare time, Tom Reilly was a very unconvincing cop.  After two episodes, it appears that Reilly’s main contribution to the show is to make Estrada seem convincing by comparison.

Next week, the Ponch Show continues.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.13 “Strange Bedfellows”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Homan sings.

Episode 1.13 “Strange Bedfellows”

(Dir by Francis Delia, originally aired on December 26th, 1986)

Homan is in federal custody and he’s telling Breitel all that he knows about Luca and Bartoli.  He’s also making up a story about Torello taking a bribe.  Even though Homan’s Torello story is pretty shaky, Breitel is looking forward to taking down a crooked cop and launching his political career off of of the publicity.

Bartoli is not amused when he learns that he’s being indicted.  However, Luca is able to convince Manny Weisbord to provide him with a top-level defense attorney.  Manny also makes it clear that Luca no longer works for Phil.  Instead, Luca works with Phil.  Lucas has another reason to be happy.  When he runs into David Abrams at a bar, he gets some free legal advice.  Luca explains that Homan is lying about Torello.  Abrams tells Luca that, if they can prove that Homan is lying about Torello, it will be easier to convince a jury that Homan is lying about Luca and Bartoli as well.

Torello, meanwhile, responds to his upcoming indictment by going to Las Vegas and playing some golf.  He’s in a great mood until he sees that his indictment is one the front page of the newspaper.

Not much really happened in this episode of Crime Story.  That’s not really a complaint.  If anything, it was a bit of a nice change-of-pace.  We got to watch the characters just be themselves.  Luca, who rarely shows emotion, actually smiles when he hears that Torello is about to be indicted along with “his favorite people.”  Luca actually has a sense of humor and an appreciation for irony.  Who would have guessed?  Meanwhile, Torello continues to be just a bit too intense for his own good.  Even on vacation, he seems like he’s just one frustration away from snapping.

Will Torello snap next week?  We’ll find out!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.19 “Deception”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, the Luther Mahoney saga comes to an end.

Episode 5.19 “Deception”

(Dir by Peter Medak, originally aired on April 25th, 1997)

A Nigerian drug courier is found dead in a hotel room and, of course, that means that Kellerman, Lewis, and Stivers are going to get another chance to go after Luther Mahoney.  After covering up the death of the actual courier, the police send in an undercover officer who delivers a batch of “bad” drugs to Mahoney’s middleman, Antonio Brookdale (Christopher Mann).  When the drugs hit the street, it leads to a revolt amongst Mahoney’s customers.  No one is buying from Mahoney and that causes Mahoney to lose his temper.  Luther Mahoney can handle almost anything but he can’t handle losing money.

Mahoney demands that Antonio meet him at a public park.  What Mahoney doesn’t know is that the police — including Kellerman, Stivers, and Lewis — have got the park staked out.  When Mahoney, in a fit of rage, shoots both Brookdale and an innocent mother with her kids, the police rush to the scene.  A panicked Mahoney jumps in his vehicle and drives away, leaving his crew behind to get arrested.

Lewis tracks Mahoney down to his apartment, where Mahoney is desperately packing up his money.  The sight of Mahoney causes Lewis to lose control.  He starts hitting Mahoney, demanding to know why Mahoney had to kill so many people when he could have just been content to sell drugs.  Mahoney manages to grab Lewis’s gun.  Kellerman and Stivers burst into the apartment with their own guns drawn.  Seeing them, Mahoney lowers his gun and says, “What are you going to do?  Read me my rights?”

“You have the right to remain silent….” Kellerman says, before shooting and killing Mahoney.

OH MY GOD, KELLERMAN JUST EXECUTED LUTHER MAHONEY!

Technically, you could argue that, as Mahoney was still holding the gun, the shooting was justified.  Mahoney lowered the gun but he never dropped it.  Nor did Mahoney ever say that he was surrendering.  Instead, he laughed and mocked the cops.  If Mahoney had raised the gun quickly enough, he probably could have gotten at least one shot in before Stivers and Kellerman had time to take action.  Then again, Kellerman also never ordered Mahoney to drop the gun.  Instead, he just shot him.  After Mahoney falls, Kellerman asks Lewis and Stivers if either has a problem with what happened.  “Nope,” Lewis says.  Stivers, however, doesn’t look convinced that the shooting was justified.

It’s a shocking moment but it’s also a moment that feels somewhat inevitable.  Kellerman has spent this entire season with people accusing him of being crooked.  Even though he was never charged, even his fellow detectives assumed that he must have been doing something to get in trouble in the first place.  Meanwhile, Mahoney killed numerous people and smirked every time that he got away with it.  Kellerman snapped and probably committed a crime.

If that’s not bad enough, Munch is contacted by Punchy DeLeon (Lewis Black), a small-time mobster who has just spent ten years in prison on a murder charge.  Punchy tells Munch that he knows that a criminal associate of his, Jimmy Pugliese, was murdered and buried in section C of the parking lot at the Plimco race track.  With Munch and Brodie in attendance, the parking lot is dug up and …. nothing is found.  Munch does some further investigating and discovers that Pugliese had a girlfriend named Fallon (Deborah Hazlett).  When he drives out to see her, he discovers that Pugliese (Brian Hemmingsen) is still alive.  Pugliese orders to Much to get off his front porch.  Much leaves, not realizing that he’s been followed by Punchy.

Back at the office, Sgt. Howard tells Munch not to worry about it because there hasn’t been an actual homicide.  However, then Fallon shows up and says that Pugliese has disappeared.  Munch drives out to Plimco, where he finds Punch waiting for him in Lot C.  Punchy explains that he took the fall for a murder the Pugliese committed.  Because Pugliese didn’t keep his promise to take care of Punchy’s wife while Punchy was in prison, Punchy used Munch to track down Pugliese.  And now, Pugliese really is buried under the parking lot.  (It helped that the parking lot itself was already ripped up due to Munch searching for the body the first time.)  Munch tells Punchy that he’s going back to prison.  Punchy replies that he did ten years for a murder he didn’t commit and suggests that should allow him to commit one murder without punishment.  It doesn’t work that way, which is kind of sad because Punchy was a likable guy.

Finally, Bayliss and Pembleton decide to be partners again.  Good news!  But Bayliss is also buying groceries for the uncle who molested him.  What the Hell, Bayliss!?

Seriously, this episode got dark!

Well, dark or not, this was one of the better episodes of season 5.  This was Homicide at its most cynical.  Luther Mahoney is dead but someone else will inevitably take his place and now Kellerman really has committed a crime.  (For all the cheering the cops do as they listen to Mahoney incriminate himself on tape, it’s not going to be much comfort to children of the innocent woman that he shot in the park.)  For once, Munch actually does his job well and the end result is a man getting murdered and Punchy going back to prison.

One final note: I will miss the magnificently evil performance of Erik Dellums, who played Luther Mahoney with the right mix of arrogance, hubris, and ruthlessness.  A good villain is hard to find!