Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.31 “Night Light”

Posted on May 14, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958. The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This week, someone is stealing jewelry!

Episode 1.31 “Night Light”

(Dir by Stuart Rosenberg, originally aired on April 12th, 1958)

Casey goes undercover as a woman who is looking to purchase a stolen ruby necklace. Her investigation leads to her to Nick Spandau (Martin Balsam), a career criminal who has recently been released from prison and who is currently working with the jeweler (Martin Wolfson) who cared for Nick’s young son (Pud Flanagan) while Nick was “away.” To Casey’s horror, she discovers that Nick is using his innocent son as an unwitting courier, sending him to Mexico with the stolen necklace.

As you can probably guess, this episode is a showcase for the great character actor Martin Balsam, who almost makes Nick likable until it becomes apparent that he’s willing to put his own son in danger in order to protect himself. When Nick’s son suddenly shows up at the jewelry store and announces that he couldn’t bring himself to board the plane without his father, Nick’s reaction is to wonder why his son couldn’t do the “one thing” that he was asked to do. He’s not a great father but, when Casey tells him that his son idolizes him and will follow in his criminal footsteps, Nick makes a show of telling his son off. It’s Nick’s way of making sure that the boy doesn’t grow up to be like him. Casey tells us, “He sure did love his son.” If you say so, Casey.

Overall, it’s not a bad episode. It opens with some nice establishing shots of New York City and, unlike other episodes where Casey is mostly a bystander, it remains compelling even when Garland isn’t on screen. Unfortunately, the acting is a bit weak from everyone not named Martin Balsam or Beverly Garland. However, Balsam and Garland are more than capable of carrying the story on their own.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.1 “The Bulls Own Up”

Posted on May 13, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, we start season 4.

Episode 4.1 “The Bulls Own Up”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 5th, 1988)

It’s time for a new season of 1st & Ten and things have changed!

Yinessa is nowhere to be seen. Instead, this episode features a college quarterback named Sonny Clowers (Gary Kasper) who is being courted by agent Max Green (Mark Lonow). Also not around is Jill Schrader, the team’s owner. She has sold the team to a fast food chain. The new owner of the Bulls is Charles (Monte Markham). In his first meeting with TD Parker (OJ Simpson), Charles explains that he runs a clean-cut, all-American company and he expects the Bulls to be a clean-cut, all-American team.

In other words, it’s time to trade all of the trouble makers and the drug abusers. Charles doesn’t want a team of individuals. He wants a team of …. well, whatever the opposite of an individual is.

TD is not happy to hear about this. Neither is Mad Dog, who is revealed to come from a fabulously wealthy family. Mad Dog’s father wants Mad Dog to do something that requires more skill than football. Hmmm …. maybe Mad Dog and all the other players could form their own company and buy the team themselves?

That doesn’t really sound like a great idea to me. How can you release or trade a player when that player owns the team? However, TD thinks that it’s a good idea. Zagreb thinks it’s a good idea. And Dr. Death shows up for practice in a three-piece suit, which somehow convinces everyone else that it’s a good idea!

Why do I get the feeling that this idea will dropped after six episodes?

This was an okay season opener. The Bulls being sold to a fast food chain certainly makes more sense than Delta Burke acquiring them in a divorce settlement. OJ Simpson recoiling at the thought of the team being expected to avoid scandal? That was almost to on the nose!

Finally, I can’t end this review without saying Donald Gibb, RIP. On a show not known for great acting, Gibb was definitely the exception.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.19 and 7.20 “Hong Kong Cruise: Polly’s Poker Palace/Shop Ahoy/Double Date/The Hong Kong Affair/Two Tails of a City”

Posted on May 13, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat goes to Hong Kong!

Episodes 7.19 and 7.20 “Hong Kong Cruise: Polly’s Poker Palace/Shop Ahoy/Double Date/The Hong Kong Affair/Two Tails of a City”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 4th, 1984)

This week, the Love Boat crew has been assigned to command a cruise to China. And while the boat might be docked in Hong Kong instead of the usual Mexico, the question remains the same:

Yes, how coked up is Julie?

Well, she’s not as coked up as usual. In fact, this is the rare Season 7 episode in which Julie actually gets to do something more than just smile at people as they board the ship. So, I’d say this episode only rates a 7 out of 10 on the How Coked Up Is Julie scale.

As for Julie and Vicki, they fall for two brothers (Leigh McCloskey, Lee Majors II). As always, Julie serves as Vicki’s mentor while Captain Stubing runs the ship. However, this time, it turns out that the guy that Julie likes actually likes Vicki instead. Vicki really likes him too. I would point out that Vicki is likely either 16 or 17 in this episode. (Jill Whelan was 18.) So, really, she and Julie probably shouldn’t both be after the same man. The guy is closer in age to Vicki than Julie but still, watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think that it might be time for Vicki to get off the boat and actually experience life on dry land. Seriously, she’s nearly 18 and she still spends all of her time talking to elderly passengers. Leigh McCloskey and Lee Majors II are literally the only two people close to her age to board the ship. She really doesn’t have much choice but to fall in love with one of them.

Meanwhile, a senator (Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.) fell in love with Donna Reed, despite the misgivings of his closest advisor (Ben Murphy). A retired spy (Gene Kelly) fell for a mysterious woman (Yvette Mimieux) and this somehow led to Gopher and Isaac putting on trench coats and following the couple through Beijing. And Brenda Vaccaro tried to stop using her credit card. The crew, for some reason, tried to help her.

None of these stories were very interesting, though I did relate to Brenda Vaccaro’s passenger. This was a travelogue episode, with the boat sailing to Hong Kong and the crew somehow managing to see every famous sight in China over the course of two days. This episode was shot on location. I always enjoy it when I can tell the actors are actually delivering their lines in the middle of the ocean. At the same time, the scenes that took place in China did not make me want to visit the country. If anything, they left me feeling bad for Hong Kong. This episode was filmed before the British handed Hong Kong over to China and it was a shame to think that all the little kids who appeared in the episode were fated to eventually become citizens of a communist country. Needless to say, the name Mao was never mentioned during this episode. Neither was the Cultural Revolution.

Come back to America, Captain Stubing. The country needs you.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.3 “Seduced”

Posted on May 12, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops clean up Malibu.

Episode 4.3 “Seduced”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on August 9th, 1998)

Last week, I said that it appeared that the Pacific Blue recruits were no longer living in their funky loft. Well, it turns out I was wrong. This episode opens with Granger at the funky loft, hosting a party. Unfortunately, the party comes to an abrupt end when Granger tries to play an adult movie on his totally hip VCR. Uh-oh — it turns out that the lead actress in Barely Legal is the 16 year-old sister of one of Granger’s (dead) friends!

(She’s also played by Alison Lohman, a reminder that everyone had to start somewhere.)

Granger and Bobby Cruz set out to take down Malibu’s adult movie underground. TC agrees to help by telling Jamie Strickland to go undercover as a film student who needs a job. Strickland says that she’ll do it but she’s not going to have sex on camera. However, once she reaches the set, the sleazy director decides to put her in the film. Strickland calls Cory. Cory says, “We can’t pull you out now.”

Really? You can’t? Why are bicycle cops even going undercover?

Meanwhile, Playpen magazine offers Monica money to pose for them. They offer even more money if Monica can get the other women of Pacific Blue to pose as well. Needless to say, the other women of Pacific Blue are not willing to pose and they talk about how demeaning Playpen is for women. (Cory, who is pregnant but not showing, is at least tempted.) But the show still features a lengthy montage of Monica’s photoshoot. This show always tries to have it both ways.

This episode probably would have worked better if Granger was actually an interesting character but he’s not. It also would have helped if we knew anything about Strickland’s character, beyond the fact that she’s super-competent, but we don’t. Even the veteran characters — TC, Chris, and Cory — don’t really have any personality. Thankfully, this season has got Mario Lopez playing Bobby Cruz like A.C. Slater on a bicycle and Shanna Moakler, playing Monica as a scheming agent of chaos. Only Lopez and Moakler seem to to have really understood what type of show they were on.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.2 “All Work No Play”

Posted on May 12, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.

This week, the Gang gets a summer job! Why would anyone want to work during the summer? What a bunch of losers.

Episode 2.2 “All Work And No Play”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 10th, 1994)

It’s summer time! (During its second season, Saved By The Bell: The New Class aired two episodes each Saturday morning. One episode would be a high school episode while the other would feature the Gang off-campus.) Mr. Belding has been hired to manage the Palisade Hills Country Club. The first mistake that Belding makes is that he hires Screech to be his assistant. Then he allows Screech to hire Brian, Bobby, Tommy, Rachel, Megan, and Lindsay as his staff.

Thinks quickly go downhill.

While trying to show-off for Rachel, Brian attempts to drive a golf cart with his feet. (“This is how I steered snowmobile in Switzerland,” Brian says.)
Assigned to wash and wax the car belonging to club owner Ed Harrington (Frank Bonner), Tommy D and Lindsay instead take the car for a joyride, which leads to Brian denting it with the golf cart.
The car has a dent and the paint job is scuffed. Tommy works out the dent and then repaints the car with Rachel’s nail polish. To help the polish dry, Tommy and Brian remove the car’s front panel, take it to the country’s club’s kitchen. and unplug the freezer so that they can instead plug in a huge fan.
Whoops! They forget to plug the freezer back in and $4,000 worth of food goes bad.
Bobby can’t drive but still tries to cover valet parking.
Screech is too busy falling in love with Ed’s daughter, Allison (Clare Slastrom), to be of any help.

Mr. Belding does the right thing and fires all of them. But then the Gang decides to throw a Luau for the club’s members (instead of the county and western barbecue that was originally planned) and it’s such a hit that Belding hires them back.

Seriously, what the Hell? Yes, the Gang saved the day but they only had to save it because they were so grotesquely immature and irresponsible in the first place. This was one of the worst recurring plotlines to appear on Saved By The Bell: The New Class. Someone would get a new job, they would totally screw it up, they would get fired, and then they would get rehired just because they felt bad after the fact. Personally, I think that if you steal a car, destroy a golf cart, and cause $4,000 worth of meat to go bad, you should be fired. I don’t care if you then put on a hula skirt and play a ukulele and and put on a little Hawaiian performance on a sweltering day in the middle of the desert. You’re fired.

GO HOME!

This episode annoyed the Hell out of me. I can accept a lot from this show but what I can’t accept is a plot where every complication could have been avoided by everyone not being a massive dumbass.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.19 “Silent Partner”

Posted on May 11, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, the California Highway Patrol is thoroughly incompetent.

Episode 5.19 “Silent Partner”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on February 28th, 1982)

This is one of those episodes of CHiPs where two “comedic” car thieves are stealing cars and it takes three high-speed, accident-filled chases before the Highway Patrol finally manages to catch them. Episodes like this are always fairly odd to watch. I’m not really sure if the show’s producers really understood what they were implying with an episode in which a bunch of professional law enforcers can’t seem to catch two buffoons who have no idea what they’re doing.

The first chase leads to an accident that leaves Grossman injured. He doesn’t break his neck but he does have to wear a neck brace, which temporarily keeps him from talking and eating. Those are Grossman’s favorite activities! These car thieves must be stopped!

(Seriously, Grossman was usually the most entertaining thing about this show. Taking away his ability to speak was not a good idea. Needless to say, Ponch can still talk.)

Meanwhile, Baker arrests a man at the scene of Grossman’s accident. Baker thinks that the man (Saul Brandt) must be drunk, just because the man did not react to Grossman’s sirens and he also doesn’t follow any of Baker’s orders. Uh-oh, it turns out that man was deaf and now he wants to file a complaint against Baker! And really, the man is totally justified in doing so. Baker was pretty rough when he tossed him around and Baker really had no evidence that the man had been drinking. Despite being totally in the wrong, Baker is still upset about being written up. Luckily, Ponch starts dating a deaf social worker (Dawn Jeffory) and she helps the man to understand that Baker just made a mistake and he was only in a bad mood because he has to work with Ponch. The complaint is dropped.

This episode featured two good car crashes and a lot of bad acting. It was well-intentioned but I am starting to wonder if maybe the people of California deserved a better highway patrol.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.3 “Shadow Dancer”

Posted on May 11, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988. The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Torello’s war on Luca continues!

Episode 1.3 “Shadow Dancer”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on September 26th, 1986)

With the frequency killer now dead, Torello and his men are once again free to focus on trying to bust Ray Luca. The sooner they do it, the better. For one thing, Torello is becoming so obsessed that, even though his wife is pregnant, Torello’s dreams are still dominated by Luca taunting him. Also, Luca’s latest robbery has resulted in a death. Vincent Noonan (Michael Kemmerling), a former cellmate of Frank Holman’s (Ted Levine,) lost it during their latest home invasion and beat to death Mrs. Novak (Nancy Sheeber).

(Noonan, it turns out, has a history of losing control. It probably wasn’t a good idea to hire him in the first place but, with Luca no refusing to personally take part in robberies, the crew had to find a third man and quickly. Holman recommended Noonan because of how loyal Noonan was to him in prison)

Eager to solve the case and take down Luca, the Major Case Unit starts to put pressure on Luca’s boss, Phil Bartoli (Jon Polito). After his weekly craps game is broken up by Danny Krychek, Bartoli tells Luca that he has to do something to get the police to back off. Bartoli orders him to turn Noonan over to the police. Luca, who no longer handles dirty work himself, tells Holman to take care of it. Holman sends Noonan on a job and then tips off Torello. Despite Danny telling him that Noonan would die before turning into a rat, Torello is convinced that, if he takes Noonan alive, he’ll be able to get Noonan to give up Luca. (What Torello doesn’t realize is that Noonan has never actually met Luca. To quote Willy Cicci, “The family had lots of buffers.”)

It’s all for naught, though. Torello and the cops chase Noonan all over the streets of Chicago and, in the end, Noonan dies while trying to escape. Much like Homicide’s Luther Mahoney, Luca appears to be untouchable …. for now.

This episode worked best as a character study. After last week’s somewhat over-the-top villain, this episode reminded us that Luca and Torello are two tightly-wound men who struggle with emotion. Beyond his own self-absorption, Luca lacks the emotions necessary to truly understand his fellow humans. Torello, meanwhile, gets too emotional. Whether he’s pursuing Ray Luca or snapping at a condescending salesman, Torello is a self-styled crusader who appears to be going slowly but surely insane. This wasn’t a particularly complex episode but it felt important. It was a reminder of what this show is all about.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.16 “Message In A Bottle”

Posted on May 10, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015! The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, we have a very special episode of everyone’s favorite Canadian show. Degrassi goes there!

Episode 2.16 “Message In A Bottle”

(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on August 1st, 2003)

The school’s basketball team is finally doing well and Jimmy decides to throw a party at his apartment to celebrate. (As usual, Jimmy’s parents are out of town.) Paige is having a spa weekend so she doesn’t come. Ellie is too busy pretending to be Marco’s girlfriend to come. J.T. and Toby? Forget it. This is so not their scene that they’re not even in this episode!

Ashley come to the party with Terri. If nothing else, this reminds us that Terri is still a character on the show and she hasn’t suffered any school-ending brain damage at the hands of Rick Murray …. not yet, at least. Jimmy is excited to Ashley. However, romance will have to wait because Sean shows up drunk and accidentally breaks a liquor bottle. Jimmy throws a fit. That’s not a surprise. Jimmy’s always upset about something.

For that matter, so is Sean. Sean, however, has more reasons to be upset than Jimmy. His parents are drunks. His older brother, Tracker, cannot hold down a job, despite having a supercool name like Tracker. In this episode, Emma tells Spike and Snake that Sean will be joining them for dinner without bothering to ask Sean beforehand. Sean actually handles the first part of the dinner fairly well. But then, during the second half of the dinner, he sneaks some alcohol and becomes convinced that Spike is talking down to him. Myself, I’m more concerned about the fact that they ate a sushi dinner despite the fact that Spike is pregnant.

Emma comes to Jimmy’s party, looking for Sean after Sean storms out of dinner. Emma assumes that it’s all her mom’s fault but Sean admits that he’s been drinking and he overreacted. Sean is stunned when Emma calls her mom for a ride home. Sean can’t imagine living with a parent who isn’t abusive. That’s actually really, really sad. Daniel Clark always did a great job as Sean and that’s certainly the case here. Clark elevates this episode above being a typical anti-drinking episode. I appreciated that the episode didn’t judge Sean and that it didn’t lecture him. It’s as if the show understood that Sean felt bad enough without having every other character go off on him. At least during the early seasons, that’s one thing that set Degrassi apart from other high school shows.

The episode ends with forgiveness, which was sweet. Sean thinks Emma is going to dump him. Emma tells him that everyone makes mistakes. And that’s true! This was a good episode.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on the Street 5.9 “Control”

Posted on May 10, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.

Pembleton’s back!

Episode 5.9 “Control”

(Dir by Jean de Segonzac, originally aired on December 6th, 1996)

A drug dealer named Reggie Copeland has been murdered and word on the street is that the killing was set up by Junior Bunk (Mekhi Phifer), who just happens to be the nephew of drug lord Luther Mahoney (Erik Todd Dellums). When Lewis and Detective Stivers (Toni Lewis) arrest Junior, he immediately starts crying.

That certainly makes Lewis happy. He’s obsessed with taking down Mahoney. Junior gives the detectives the name of the man who he hired, on Luther’s behalf, to assassinate Copeland. Munch and Lewis take a trip to the worst city on Earth (Philadelphia, if you had to ask) and arrest the gunman. Even Ed Danvers thinks that they’re finally on the verge of nailing Luther….

Luther, it turns out, has got friends everywhere. Even while sitting in a holding cell, he is able to find out the name of the hotel where the police are hiding Junior. When the cops order room service, Junior makes sure that a baggie with two gold stars is included in Junior’s sandwich. (All of Luther’s heroin comes in baggies with two stars.) Junior realizes that Luther knows exactly where he is. Junior refuses to testify and recants his previous confession. And Luther … Luther goes free again!

Kellerman would be upset, except for the fact that he’s still under suspension. (They’re really dragging this story out, aren’t they?) Kellerman is in such a bad mood that he even kicks Brodie off of his house boat for being too happy. However, at the end of the episode, Dr. Cox shows up at Kellerman’s houseboat. I’m going to guess that she’ll be allowed to stay on the boat.

However, the main event of this episode is that Pembleton is working his first case since his stroke. A woman has been found dead in her home, stabbed twenty times. Meanwhile, her two young sons were both shot execution style. Bayliss may be the primary but Pembleton is determined to take charge. Pembleton thinks that the murderer was the woman’s boyfriend, a sleazy musician named Jimmy Sutter (Andrew DeAngelo). Bayliss thinks that the murderer was the woman’s rigid ex-husbad, Lt. Commander Alex Clifton (Michael Gaston).

From the start, it’s pretty obvious that Clifton’s the murderer. He’s too cold and unemotional when he is told about the murderers. He’s very tightly wound. The fact that the woman was killed in a fury but her children were killed “cleanly and efficiently,” (as Pembleton put it) indicated to me that the murderer was driven by rage against the mother but, in his twisted way, he felt he was sparing the children an even worse fate. Clifton is obviously the killer and Pembleton, to his credit, eventually comes to realize it.

Unfortunately, the case nearly falls apart in the Box. Pembleton and Bayliss have lost their rhythm as partners. Bayliss gets frustrated when Pembleton suddenly starts asking Clifton about the blood pressure medicine he takes. “Do you get any side effects?” Pembleton asks. Outside of the interrogation room, Bayliss admits that he’s scared Pembleton is going to “stroke out” and die. “Everyone dies!” Pembleton says.

Finally, Bayliss and Pembleton make it work. They turn up the heart in the Box and when Clifton takes off his jacket and very carefully folds it, Bayliss presumes to sit down on the jacket. Clifton keeps taking the jacket back and refolding it. Bayliss spills water on the jacket. Clifton finally loses it, yelling and admitting that he killed his ex-wife and his two sons.

Wow, this was a good episode. Michael Gaston give a chillingly believable performance as Clifton. Erik Todd Dellums was, as usual, magnetically evil as Luther. Best of all, it was good to see Kyle Secor and Andre Braugher working a case together. Pembleton is back and it’s about time!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.2 “Zack’s War”

Posted on May 9, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Zack goes to war! Actually, now that I think about it, he really doesn’t. This title makes no sense.

Episode 2.2 “Zack’s War”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 15th, 1990)

Bayside High School is now home to a Cadet Corps program. Led by Lt. Chet Adams (Cylk Cozart), the Cadet Corps appears to be the same thing as the ROTC but it’s called the Cadet Corps and despite all of the attention that it receives here, it’s never mentioned again after this episode.

Slater’s dad is in the army so he can’t wait to join the Cadet Corps. Zack jokes about never joining the Cadet Corps so Belding gives him 30 Saturday detentions …. unless, Zack joins the Cadet Corps and talks all of his friends into joining. Soon, Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, Screech, Butch, and Louise are all members of the Cadet Corps. That’s …. 8 people. Wow, that’s a really weak turn-out. Zack has a lot more friends than that! Seriously, if only 8 people show up to one of my watch parties, I usually end up depressed for a week.

Anyway, you may notice some new names there. Louise is the unathletic belle of the school nerds. Butch is an apparently sociopathic bully who doesn’t want Screech talking to his girlfriend. For this episode, I guess we’re just supposed to forget that Screech has always, in the past, been in love with Lisa.

The second day of Cadet Corps, Lt. Adams announces that it’s time for an athletic competition. He allows Zack to pick the teams. Zack puts Screech, Lisa, and Louise on one team. The other team is made up of Butch, Kelly, and Jessie. Zack says Slater can lead the team with Screech, Lisa, and Louise. Lt. Adams says, “Nope,” and he puts Zack in charge of the unathletic team.

Zack gets mad at quits the Corps. Luckily, Screech visits Zack and shames him. (Zack should consider himself lucky that Screech didn’t pull a knife.) Zack rejoins the Corps and leads his team to victory, somehow!

That’s the short version of this dumb episode. This is another one of those weird episodes where an authority figure — in this case, Lt. Adams — tells Zack that, if he wins an arbitrary competition, he’ll be allowed to skip class for the rest of the year. Zack wins the competition but, when Adams says he won’t be seeing Zack anymore, Zack replies, “Why? Are you quitting?” No, Zack, you prick — you’re quitting! Except Zack doesn’t quit for some reason. He’s proud to be in the Cadet Corps.

Needless to say, the Cadet Corps are never mentioned again.