Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.11 “Wicked Stepbrother: Part Two”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the sage of Jessie’s stepbrother continues.

Episode 3.11 “Wicked Stepbrother: Part Two”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 2nd, 1991)

Picking up where the previous episode ended, Eric and Lisa survive wrecking Belding’s car.  Neither one gets checked by a doctor or anything sensible like that.  As a matter of fact, Lisa thinks it’s the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to her.  She had so much fun on her date with Eric that she even asks him if he wants to go to the MC Hammer concert with her.

Meanwhile, Zack and Slater have to figure out how to raise the $610 needed to fix the car.  They decide that, since lying has worked out so well for them so far, they should hold a rigged raffle.  Students pay Zack and Slater for the tickets, not realizing that it’s already been set up for Screech to win.  The raffle takes place in Mr. Sachs’s math class.  As Mr. Sachs solves a math problem on the board, he reads out each number.  The class applauds each numeral.  “I’ve never seen such math enthusiasm!” Mr. Sachs exclaims.  Of course, Screech has the winning number.

When Screech is initially reluctant to hand over the money that he “won,” Eric overhears Zack and Slater threatening him in the locker room.  Eric tries to blackmail Zack and Slater into giving him the money for his date with Lisa.  Zack reveals that the only reason Lisa went on her first date with Eric was because Zack bribed her with the MC Hammer tickets.

Eric confronts Lisa at the Max.  Lisa admits the truth.  Eric says he never wants to speak to her again.  As Jessie watches, Lisa sobs that, “At first, I didn’t like him.  Now, I don’t like me!”  Awww!  Poor Lisa!

Things get even more complicated when Belding returns early and wants to see his car.  It turns out that Eric convinced the auto shop teacher to totally take the car apart.  (“Uh-oh,” the studio audience says.)  When Jessie finds out, she marches into her former bedroom and punches Eric in the face.  That black eye is all Eric needs to realize that he hasn’t been very nice.  Eric puts Belding’s car back together.  Belding thinks that Slater did a wonderful job installing his CD player.

Eric also decides to return to New York but the entire gang comes over and asks him to stay in California.  Yay!  They’re all friends now!  I’m sure we’ll be seeing Eric a lot over the next few episodes.  And even if we don’t see him, I’m sure that Jessie will occasionally mention him, right?  I mean, you can’t just introduce a stepbrother, make him the center of a two-part episode, and then just forget about him, can you?  That would be crazy!

Speaking of crazy, this episode drives me up the wall.  The rigged lottery.  The car prank.  The desperate attempts to keep Belding from realizing that his car was in an accident.  It’s all a bit much and it all could have been avoided by the students of Bayside not acting like idiots.  I abhor idiot plots and that’s pretty much what this entire episode was.

If anything did redeem this episode, it was Slater getting tired of being told to fix the car and snapping, “I don’t need this pressure!”  You tell ’em, Slater!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.10 “Wicked Stepbrother: Part One”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, we meet Jessie’s new stepbrother!  I’m sure he’ll be around forever.

Episode 3.10 “Wicked Stepbrother: Part One”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 2nd, 1991)

Jessie’s mom has gotten married …. again!

Now, in this episode, we don’t actually meet Jessie’s mom.  Nor do we meet her new stepfather.  In fact, she says next to nothing about her new stepfather.  Instead, this entire episode is all about Eric Tramer (Joshua Hoffman), her new stepbrother from New York!

That’s right.  Jessie has a stepbrother and I’m sure that he’s going to be a major part of the show!

(Incidentally, I’m assuming that Eric Tramer was named after script consultant Bennett Tramer.)

Unfortunately, Eric is a little bit cocky.  He’s got that New York attitude.  When Zack pretends to be Jewish so he can skip school on Rosh Hashanah and go to a baseball game, Eric finds out and blackmails him into giving up his locker.  When Jessie calls Slater a “curly Conan,” Eric records it and threatens to play it for the whole school.  Jessie gives up her bedroom to Eric.

(Hey, remember how, during the first season, Zack and Jessie lived right next to each other and Zack would regularly climb in through Jessie’s window?  Apparently, the show forgot about that.)

Eric has a weakness.  He has a crush on Lisa but Lisa doesn’t want anything to do with him.  Zack has a plan.  Belding is away for the weekend and he’s given the keys to his red sportscar to Slater so that Slater can install a CD player.  (Hello, 1990s!)  Zack offers to give Lisa two tickets to the MC Hammer concert if she agrees to go out with Eric.  Then, he and Slater allow Eric to borrow Belding’s car for his date.  Their plan is to take a picture of Eric driving Belding’s car and then …. well, I’m not sure what the next step is.  I guess they’re going to frame Eric for auto theft and send him to prison so that Zack can get his locker back.

Lisa goes out with Eric.  They go to see Casablanca.  Eric does a really bad Bogart impersonation.  Lisa is charmed.  Eric lets Lisa drive the car.  Awwww!  Zack pops up with his camera and takes a picture.  The flash blinds Lisa and she crashes Belding’s car!

“We’re trouble,” Zack says to the audience.

Hey, Zack — your best friend Lisa just crashed a car!  Maybe go check on her and make sure she’s not dead….

This is a two-part episode so we’ll take a look at the conclusion next week.  As for the first part, this whole thing is a good example of people overreacting to nothing.  Because Eric had Screech tape the baseball game, he has video evidence of Zack not being at school.  Well, so what?  Zack skips class all the time and, in this case, his absence was pre-approved.  To get Zack in trouble, Eric would have to prove that Zack was lying about being Jewish and Zack being at a baseball game doesn’t do that.  Then, Jessie gives up her room so people won’t know that she called Slater a “curly Conan.”  Jessie does this to avoid being embarrassed but would it really be that embarrassing?  Slater’s the most popular guy at school and he calls her “mama” in public.  And finally, the biggest overreaction is Zack and Slater deciding to frame Eric for a crime as opposed to just ignoring him.  It just seems like this whole thing could have been resolved by everyone going out dancing or something.

Can things get any dumber?  We’ll find out next week!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.9 “Pipe Dreams”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Zack loses his favorite duck.

Episode 3.9 “Pipe Dreams”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 26th, 1991)

Oil’s been discovered on Bayside’s football field!  Smarmy Dan Grayson (Gary Lahti) offers Bayside a lot of money for the right to drill on the field.  Almost all of the students fantasize about going to rich school despite the fact that, with the exception of Kelly, it’s been established that they’re all already rich and that Bayside has been a rich school for a while.  I’m not sure why the students think that they would be getting any of the money.  And why is it up to the principal to decide whether or not to allow drilling.  It seems like that should be up to the county supervisors.

But what about the never before mentioned pond behind the football field!?  When the inevitable oil spill happens, Zack’s favorite duck Becky is killed.  “She’s where the oil can’t hurt her anymore,” Screech says.  It looks like it’s time for Zack to crash Mr. Grayson’s presentation and spray oil on him.  “I’m covered in oil!” Mr. Grayson shouts.  It’s easy to make your point when your opponent is cartoonishly evil.

You probably already guessed that this is not my favorite episode.  It’s just so cartoonishly heavy-handed and the idea that Zack’s simplistic presentation was enough to convince everyone not to drill for oil was borderline insulting.  If there’s oil underneath the football field and money to be made by drilling for it, someone’s going to do it.  No one is going to care whether Zack approves or not.

My favorite moment is when Slater calls out Jessie for wearing clothing and accessories that aren’t environmentally-friendly.  Seriously, Jessie is always a little bit too self-righteous for me.  Personally, I would have agreed to let the company drill for the oil but only after they found a new pond for all of the turtles and ducks.

Poor Becky.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.8 “Fake IDs”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, someone gets caught cheating!

Episode 3.8 “Fake IDs”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 19th, 1991)

Having finally reached the point where he’s ready to move on from Kelly, Zack Morris resorts to lying to get a new girlfriend. He tells USC freshman Danielle (Julie St. Claire) that he’s a fellow Trojan. He claims to be a photojournalism major who spends all of his time in his darkroom. That’s why she never sees him on campus. Wink wink.

When Danielle invites him to the Attic, an 18-and-up club, Zack instructs Screech to use the skills he’s learned in photography class to make fake IDs. Zack, Slater, and Screech sneak out of Zack’s house and hit the Attic. Screech gets chased by an older woman named Reggie. Slater spends the whole night talking about how much he misses Jessie. Zack dances with Danielle. It’s a great night until they spot Kelly’s new boyfriend, Jeff, dancing with a girl who isn’t Kelly.

“Whoa!” Zack, Slater, and Screech all say at the same time.

When Jessie and Lisa hear that the guys went to an over-18 club, they decide they want fake IDs as well. Meanwhile, when Zack tells Kelly about seeing Jeff, Kelly accuses Zack of being jealous. But when Jeff gives a half-hearted excuse for why he can’t go out with her that night, Kelly asks Screech to make her a fake ID as well.

The next night, Zack’s parents are at a Peter, Paul and Mary concert. Zack goes to the Attic with Slater, Screech, Lisa, and Jessie and is shocked when he can’t find Danielle. What Zack doesn’t know is that Danielle called the house to tell him she would be arriving late, and the phone was answered by Mrs. Morris (Melody Rogers). Mrs. Morris stops singing “Puff the Magic Dragon” just long enough to ask, “What’s the Attic?”

At the Attic, Kelly arrives just in time to spot Jeff dancing with his other girlfriend. She yells, “I broke up with a great guy for you!” “It’s not like we’re going steady,” Jeff replies. “We’re through!” Kelly says, and I can only assume that Kelly is also going to quit the job she so desperately needed just a few episodes ago.

Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa go off together so that Kelly can spend a few minutes “yelling in the ladies’ room.” Danielle and Mrs. Morris show up at the same time. Zack introduces his mom as his “young-looking older sister.” Mrs. Morris orders Zack, Slater, and Screech out to the car. They leave, and we’re left to wonder how Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa are going to get home.

To be honest, I kind of hate this episode. Jeff cheating on Kelly comes out of nowhere, and it’s totally against everything we’ve already learned about the character. Previously, the whole point of Jeff’s character was that he was a nice guy who didn’t intentionally set out to break up Zack and Kelly. In this episode, he’s suddenly a jerk.

That said, there are actually a few funny moments to be found, like Lisa trying to shove Zack away while he’s looking for Danielle. Slater’s loyalty to Jessie was actually pretty sweet, and even Screech was a bit less annoying than usual. It’s a well-done episode, even if it only exists to reset the Kelly/Zack relationship.

I just hope Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa were able to find a way home.

Documentary Review: Kid 90 (dir by Soleil Moon Frye)


First released in 2021, Kid 90 is a documentary about what it’s like to be rich, famous, and young.  Apparently, it sucks.  The time that it sucks the most is when you’re no longer a teenager and you’re looking back on on your past and trying to somehow shape it all into a coherent narrative.

The documentary was produced, directed, and written by Soleil Moon Frye, a former child actress who originally found fame in the early 80s as the star of a sitcom called Punky Brewster.  That show was a bit before my time but I do remember seeing her on that episode of Saved By The Bell where she pretended to like Screech for his spaghetti sauce money.  She’s also appeared in a few horror films, many of whom have found a second life in the streaming era.  The daughter of actor Virgil Frye (he was the creepy in security guard in Herb Freed’s Graduation Day), Soleil apparently started carrying a video camera around at a young age and was constantly filming her friends, who included people like Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Mark Wahlberg, David Arquette, Stephen Dorff, the skaters who appeared in Larry Clark’s Kids, and a host of others.  She also saved all of her diaries and her voicemails.  Kid 90 was assembled from those artifacts.  Soleil tells her story while discussing the pressures of being a young woman in Hollywood and being objectified when she was barely old enough to be considered a teenager.  She talks about drugs, sex, her friends who died young, and the unique trauma of growing up while the entire world watches and judges.  She talks about a relationship with an older man, who she doesn’t name even while pictures of her with Charlie Sheen appear on the screen.  What she doesn’t do is go into too much detail.

Indeed, while watching Kid 90, the main thing that struck me was how guarded everyone seemed to be, even in the candid footage that was shot when they were all teens.  Young Soleil asks her friends about their philosophy of life and none of them can come up with anything particularly interesting.  Instead, they all sound like their reading from a script that was handed to them by a publicist.  The voicemails that we hear are largely generic and uninteresting and, if not for the title card that accompanies each one, we would have no idea who was talking.  (There’s only so much meaning that one can wring out of, “Hey, just calling to see if you were around.”)  Yes, Leonard DiCaprio appears in a clip or two but DiCaprio also served as a producer on the film so you can be sure that those clips were very carefully selected.  In the present, a handful of actors talk about the process of going from being teen actors to adults.  Brian Austin Green talks about the first time that he realized that there were people who did not like him.  (His shock about the failure of his rap career is actually kind of poignant.)  David Arquette is goofy but honest when discussing his history of drug abuse.  Stephen Dorff is thoughtful.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar is likable but obviously careful about saying anything that could come back to haunt him.  (I’ve never seen Gosselaar give a bad interview, largely because he’s a master of revealing just enough without revealing too much.)  And then you’ve got poor Soleil, who struggles to assign some sort of bigger meaning to her youthful memories.  She obviously doesn’t want to be known as just another spoiled child actress but, when she shares footage of herself hanging out with a bunch of New York skaters, it’s hard not to see her as being anything other than a rich kid slumming.

(Not that’s anything wrong with that!  I did plenty of slumming when I was in college.)

In the end, Kid 90 is really about the innate human desire to take all of the random events of our life and shape them into some sort of grand narrative.  Unfortunately, life is never really that easy to explain or categorize.  No one in the film, Soleil included, really lets their guard down.  I can’t say that I blame them.

 

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.7 “Check Your Mate”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Screech is actually good at something!

Episode 3.7 “Check Your Mate”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 5th, 1991)

Bayside has got chess fever!  Screech Powers has advanced to the all-city chess finals, where he will be facing off against Valley High’s Russian exchange student Peter Breschnev (Matt Kaminsky), the grandson of a legendary player.  Screech fears that he won’t have a chance but then he remembers that he never seems to lose as long as he’s wearing the lucky red beret that Violet purchased for him.

Around the same time that Zack and Slater place a bet on the outcome of chess match, Allison (Hillary Hayes) shows up.  She says that she’s from a chess magazine and she wants to do a profile of Screech.  She even invites Screech to the magazine’s mansion so that he can swim in the pawn-shaped pool.  However, it turns out that Allison is actually a spy from Valley High and she’s been sent to sabotage Screech’s game.  Allison steals his lucky beret.  How can Screech win now!?

Usually, I can’t stand any episode that revolves around Screech and Violet but I have to admit that I do like this one.  Yes, Dustin Diamond and Tori Spelling are just as bad as usual (and Diamond really goes overboard with the goofy faces in this one) but, luckily, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez are also present and they do some of their best work in this episode.  Zack and Slater, for instance, kidnap the Russian and tie him up in a broom closet.  Zack then pretends to be the Russian and forfeits the match after making one move.  Meanwhile, Slater reports on the match for Bayside’s radio station and he does so with just the right amount of earnest enthusiasm.  (Jessie: “And now the Russian is hopping out onstage in his underwear!?”  Slater: “What an exciting match so far!”)  Slater knows nothing about chess but he does know that he wants to see “that commie” defeated.  Amongst the guest stars, Hilary Hayes and Matt Kaminsky are perfectly cast and score some laughs of their own.  (“I’ll see ya …. at the Galleria.”)

In this episode, Screech nearly loses Violet when he lets his chess fame go to his head.  Violet forgives him but this would still be her final episode.  I guess dating a chess jock wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.6 “Operation Zack”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Zack injures his knee and has to go to the hospital!  Hilarity ensues!

Episode 3.6 “Operation Zack”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 28th, 1991)

Along with being a track star, a radio announcer, a member of the student council, and the leader of Zack Attack, Zack Morris is also a star basketball player.  Bayside’s basketball team has a big game coming up.  They’re coached by a short person.  That’s the joke.  While rushing out of the dressing room for lay-up drills, Zack collides with Mr. Belding and somehow injures his knee.  Screech rushes him to the hospital and, in a preview of what he would do to Mr. Belding on countless episodes of The New Class, Screech continually pushes the wheelchair-bound  Zack into walls and desks, causing him to reinjure his knee.  The show thinks it’s hilarious but I’ve injured my knee and my ankle before and I know how painful it is.  Screech is a moron.

Lisa’s mother, Dr. Turtle (Susan Beaubian), says that Zack’s knee is going to require surgery.  She says that it’s no big deal but everyone else acts as if Zack has been given a death sentence.  “They’re going to hack Zack!” Zack says.  He has a dream where he sees his own funeral.  (Screech appears as his guardian angel.)  Zack disguises himself as a doctor and tries to sneak out of the hospital.  Dr. Turtle catches him.  Lisa, who is volunteering as a candy striper, tells Zack that everything is going to be okay.

And everything is!  The surgery is a success.  Zack even survives Screech trying to turn on the television by using the bed’s remote control.  And Mr. Belding does Zack’s homework for him.  That makes no sense. How is that even allowed?

This episode was pretty dumb.  That said, I did once watch it while I was actually in the hospital because I was recovering from an asthma attack and, at that time, it did cheer me up.  Dumb as it is, the episode does get at a universal truth.  Everyone hates going to the hospital.

Finally, this episode features one of Dustin Diamond’s worst performances.  Screech is especially annoying here because, for once, his stupidity actually does hurt someone.  Zack doesn’t need some doofus clumsily pushing his wheelchair while shouting, “Lady with a baby!”  Whenever Screech caused Zack to bump into something, I felt shooting sympathy pains.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar looked fairly annoyed whenever he had to share a scene with Dustin Diamond.  In this case, I don’t blame him.

Next week, Screech plays chess and loses his lucky beret.  What a dummy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.5 “The Aftermath”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

It’s the aftermath of Zack and Kelly’s break-up!  Who will survive!?

Episode 3.5 “The Aftermath”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 21st, 1991)

Last week, Kelly got a job at The Max and developed a crush on her boss, Jeff (Patrick Muldoon). Zack and Kelly broke up at the school dance. Kelly asked Zack if they could still be friends. “Always,” Zack said.

It turns out that Zack was lying. This episode finds him bitter and obsessed. Screech and Slater take him out to the movies but — oh no! — Kelly and Jeff walk in. Jessie, Lisa, and Screech each set Zack up on a blind date. Zack goes out with Jessie’s fat friend and she eats all of his popcorn. Lisa’s friend is more interested in talking about the books of Jackie Collins than watching the movie. And Screech’s cousin turns out to be a perfectly nice and pretty blonde. (“She’s adopted,” Screech explains.)

Zack takes Screech’s cousin to The Max and dances with her… in front of Kelly! And they’re dancing to… A12 on the jukebox! “That’s Zack and Kelly’s song!” Screech says. Apparently, it’s a song that doesn’t have a title or much of a beat. “A12 is sacred!” Kelly says. “It was sacred until you dumped me for that jerk!” Zack says.

Now, I’m a bit torn here. Zack’s definitely in the wrong here, but is A12 actually sacred? I mean, it’s not mentioned in any other episode. And while Zack is definitely trying to make Kelly feel bad, Kelly is being pretty self-righteous for someone who didn’t break up with her boyfriend until after she kissed another guy. I guess my feeling is that sacred songs pretty much went out the window as soon as Kelly and Zack broke up.

Anyway, Screech’s cousin throws her milkshake on Zack.

Lisa’s Sweet Sixteen birthday party is approaching! Zack says he won’t come if Kelly and Jeff are invited. Lisa tells him that she’ll invite whoever she wants. At first, Zack refuses to go to the party, but then Screech has a heart-to-heart talk with him. Screech basically tells Zack that he’s being a whiny loser. Imagine what it must have been like to hear that from Screech, of all people.

Kelly and Jeff show up at the party. At first, Slater shows admirable loyalty to his friend Zack by giving Jeff the cold shoulder. Then Jeff mentions that he wrestled in high school. “Won my division a few times,” Jeff says. That’s all it takes for Slater to be like, “Zack who?”

Zack does come to the party. He apologizes for being a jerk. He tells Jeff to take care of Kelly. Zack tells us that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get over Kelly. We’re left to wonder why he doesn’t just stop time if he’s so miserable…

This episode benefits from the presence of Patrick Muldoon, who makes Jeff into a likable “frat boy babe stealer.” It’s too bad that, in his next appearance, Jeff will have had a total personality transplant, because this episode actually made a pretty good point about the importance of accepting breakups and giving people a chance.

Oh well. That’s life at Bayside.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.4 “The Last Dance”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This is the episode that has traumatized thousands of viewers.

(I should note that the IMDb and Wikipedia list this as being this first episode of season 3.  Amazon, Tubi, and just about every other streaming site that I’ve seen lists it as being 3.4.  In order to keep things simple and to not trigger my ADD, I’m following what the streaming sites say.)

Episode 3.4 “The Last Dance”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired September 14th, 1991)

Where were you the first time you watched Kelly break up with Zack?

This is the episode. Kelly applies for a waitressing job at The Max and is hired by the new manager, handsome college guy Jeff (Patrick Muldoon). Zack is excited because Kelly will be able to afford a costume for Bayside’s costume dance. Plus, Zack Attack is going to perform. Zack is looking forward to being named king of the dance with Kelly as his queen. Kelly is feeling guilty because she has a huge crush on Jeff. While they’re dancing, she accidentally calls him “Jeff.” Everyone remembers Zack and Kelly talking outside the school, Kelly crying as she asks if they can still be friends.

In my experience, most people blame Jeff for breaking up Zack and Kelly. Jeff is actually pretty sympathetic in this episode and the next. Yes, he kisses and then dates Kelly while also being her boss. That’s a problem. But he doesn’t set out to break them up. For most of this episode he’s polite and professional. Zack, meanwhile, is possessive and fairly immature. When Kelly says she has to get a job because her family is poor, Zack acts as if she’s suddenly speaking a foreign language. Kelly is worried about helping her family. Zack is worried about the school dance. On top of that, he’s the one who decides they should go as Romeo and Juliet, and he doesn’t even help her pay for the costume.

Then there’s Jeff. Yes, he will eventually cheat on Kelly and try to convince her it’s no big deal. That’s later. In this episode he really does seem like a catch. He’s older, but not so much older that it would be a real issue. He’s responsible enough to manage The Max even though he hasn’t graduated from college. Like Kelly, he actually has to work for a living. He stands up for her when customers are rude. He goes out of his way to accommodate her so she can go to the dance. And, on top of all that, he looks like Patrick Muldoon.

I don’t blame Kelly for dumping Zack at all. You can date a hot guy who will stand up for you, or you can date the cute guy who still spends all his spare time with Screech. Who are you going to pick? Be honest.

It’s still hard to watch them break up. Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s most serious SBTB relationship was reportedly with Lark Voorhies, but he and Tiffani Thiessen did date at one point, and there does seem to be genuine emotion in that scene outside the high school. This is one of those rare SBTB moments that actually feels real. The emotions feel earned. I support Kelly’s decision, but if this episode traumatized you, I understand why.

The breakup is such a big deal that it’s easy to overlook that this episode also introduced Zack Attack. It always cracks me up when Zack says the band will play for free and everyone acts so excited. It’s a school dance, and Zack has basically decided all of his friends are working for nothing that night. When Slater steps out from behind the drum set and duets with Jessie, he’s replaced on drums by Ollie, the nerd with the froggy voice. It’s a shame Ollie wasn’t included in the rockumentary.

Well, Zack is single again. How will he handle it? We’ll find out next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.3 “The Glee Club”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the gang joins the Glee Club!

Episode 3.3 “The Glee Club”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 23rd, 1990)

When Zack learns that the winners of a nationwide glee competition will get a trip to Hawaii, he demands that all of his friends join the Bayside Glee Club. The only problem is that Jessie is the only one who can sing, and she refuses to take off her face mask because she thinks she’ll catch COVID Lisa’s cold.

Luckily, Screech’s girlfriend Violet (Tori Spelling) can sing, but she can only do it if Screech is present and supporting her. After Screech acts like an idiot meeting her parents (he mentions that Violet’s mother looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger), Violet is told she’s no longer allowed to spend time around him. Violet will have to quit the Glee Club. Good thing Jessie can sing! Oh no! Jessie took off her face mask and caught Lisa’s cold.

This episode firmly established that Zack is not only a liar but a terrible liar, one who succeeds only because of the exaggerated stupidity of everyone around him. When Mr. Belding demands that Mr. Tuttle whip the Glee Club into shape, Zack’s solution is to tape another glee club’s performance and have Bayside lip-sync to it. Somehow, neither Belding nor Tuttle notices. Later, when the Glee Club performs at the competition, Zack plays the tape again. This time it gets screwed up. At first everyone is singing too fast, then too slow. “That was our impression of a glee club tuning up!” Zack says, and everyone buys it. You can call Zack’s behavior borderline sociopathic and you’ll have a point. But seriously: how dumb is every adult in Zack’s life?

Violet does eventually sing. Screech steps up to support her when she falters. Bayside wins the competition, even though they really should have been disqualified for all of that “tuning up” nonsense. Violet’s parents are so impressed by Screech’s support that they decide he can date their daughter. If I remember correctly, Violet disappeared after one more episode.

This episode does have one truly funny moment. When Jessie says she caught Lisa’s cold, everyone glares at Lisa. “Sorry,” Lisa says, in a tone that suggests she’s not that sorry. Lark Voorhies delivers the line perfectly. Otherwise the episode suffers because it revolves around two of the worst actors to ever grace the halls of Bayside. Any episode that features Screech’s love life is destined for cringe.