Monthly Archives: March 2023

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson 1.3 “The Deadly Vase”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

The pilot for Half Nelson was pretty good!  Now, let’s see if this rest of the show lived up to its promise.

Episode 1.3 “The Deadly Vase”

(Directed by Alan Cooke, originally aired on March 29th, 1985)

I cannot escape Robert Reed.

Seriously!  Robert Reed is one of those actors who seems to show up every week in my retro television reviews.  If he wasn’t starring in The Brady Bunch Hour, he was guesting on The Love Boat or Fantasy Island.  And now, he’s the guest villain in this week’s episode of Half Nelson!

Reed, with his graying perm and his aging porn star mustache, plays Seymour Griffith.  Griffith is a fabulously wealthy Beverly Hills attorney who is planning on becoming even more wealthy by stealing a valuable vase and selling it to a crooked antiques dealer named Morgan (Cesar Romero).  Unfortunately, while stealing the vase, Griffith kills the owner.  (Griffith is also having an affair with the dead man’s wife.)  Somewhat inconveniently, for Griffith, the dead man was a client of the Beverly Hills Patrol!  Rocky Nelson is on the case, both because he’s romantically pursuing the dead man’s daughter (Michelle Johnson) and also because Rocky believes in justice.

This week’s villains

The tone of The Vase is notably different from the pilot that preceded it.  The Pilot had its comedic elements (such as Rocky continually borrowing famous cars from the studio) but it was ultimately fairly serious and it even ended on something of a down note, with Police Chief Parsons (George Kennedy) committing suicide rather than face justice for the murders that he committed.  In the pilot, Rocky was definitely out-of-place as a New Yorker in Los Angeles but, at the same time, he was finding his way around his new town and learning how to fit in.

The Deadly Vase, on the other hand, reimagines Rocky as a short, Italian version of Eddie Murphy’s Axel Foley from Beverly Hills Cop.  Chester (Fred Williamson), who was a supportive boss in the pilot, is suddenly a bit uptight about Rocky investigating a crime in Beverly Hills.  He even sends his newest recruits, Kurt and Beau (played by Bubba Smith and Hang Time‘s Dick Butkus), to follow Rocky around Beverly Hills and make sure that Rocky doesn’t offend any rich people with his New York attitude.  This episode pretty much just duplicates the plot of Beverly Hills Cop.  During one car chase, The Heat Is On plays on the soundtrack and it’s hard not to notice that the other musical cues are almost identical to the ones heard in Beverly Hills Cop.

Smith and Butkus aren’t the only new members of the cast.  Dependable character actor Gary Grubbs joins the show as Detective Hamill, who is far less a fan of Rocky’s than Parsons was.  Hamill shows up long enough to order Rocky to stay off the case and to get growled at by Rocky’s pit bull.  Hamill also gets to have a conversation with Dean Martin about whether or not Frank and Sammy and Shirley MacClaine would be willing to do a benefit for the Beverly Hills police department.  Dean is only onscreen for a few minutes but it’s still nice to see him there.

Joe Pesci, who was so strong in the pilot, spends most of this episode looking more than a little annoyed so I’m going to guess that he may not have been happy with the show’s new direction.  About the only time Pesci seems to be having fun is when Rocky is hired to play a hot dog in a commercial.  The director of the commercial is played by Donald O’Connor and yes, Pesci does wear a hot dog costume.

Joe Pesci getting dressed up like a hot dog pretty much saved this episode as the mystery itself was fairly bland and Robert Reed never really felt like a worthy opponent to Rocky.  Hopefully, next week’s episode will be a bit of an improvement …. or, at least, let’s hope the show finds another excuse to put Joe Pesci in a hot dog costume.

Film Review: Murder Mystery 2 (dir by Jeremy Garelick)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Four years ago, Nick and Audrey Spitz (Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston) solved a convoluted murder mystery and became minor celebrities.  Nick quit his job with the NYPD.  Audrey quit her job as a hairdresser.  They opened up their own private detective agency.

Unfortunately, as a narrator explains to us at the start of Murder Mystery 2, things haven’t gone smoothly for Nick and Audrey.  They’ve struggled to establish themselves as detectives.  In fact, Nick doesn’t even have a P.I. license because he has yet to pass the exam and he balks at having to actually study criminology.  While Audrey tries to convince him to, at the very least, read a book on kidnapping, Nick is more concerned with coming up with cute business cards.  His big idea to combine the traditional business card with floss and a razor.  Personally, I wouldn’t want to use a business card to take care of my teeth but maybe that’s just me.

When Nick and Audrey are invited to an exclusive wedding, it’s a chance for them to reacquaint themselves with Vikram (Adeel Akhatar) and Colonel Ulenga (John Kani), both of whom were featured in the first Murder Mystery.  When Vikram is kidnapped and one of his bodyguards is murdered, it’s a chance to Nick and Audrey to once again prove that they’re capable of solving a crime.  When former MI6 agent-turned-security consultant Captain Miller (Mark Strong) literally emerges from the sea and takes over the investigation, it’s a chance to Audrey to meet one of her heroes and for Nick to get a little jealous.  And when the action moves to France, it’s an excuse for the film’s cast and crew to hang out in Paris for a few weeks.

I enjoyed the first Murder Mystery, which was a surprisingly sweet and funny comedy that showcased Sandler and Aniston’s chemistry while also make good use of Sandler in one of his more likable comedic roles.  Like all Sandler characters, Nick may be something of a manchild but he’s not deliberately destructive.  He means well.  The first film’s mystery was enjoyably convoluted and a lot of the humor came from just how out of place Sandler and Aniston were in an Agatha Christie-style whodunit.

Murder Mystery 2, unfortunately, it not quite as much fun as the first film.  A huge part of the problem is that Nick and Audrey are no longer amateur detectives who are both shocked and secretly thrilled to be solving an actual murder.  Now, they’re professional (if somewhat incompetent) detectives.  The first film had a sweet subtext about Sandler trying to prove that he was as good a detective as thought he was.  He had something to prove, to both his wife and to himself.  In the second film, the emphasis is more on action than humor.  Suddenly, Sandler and Aniston are engaging in high-speed car chases and battles atop the Eiffel Tower.  It all feels a bit mechanical and, much as with his direction of The Binge, director Jeremy Garelick often seems to just be going through the motions.

On the plus side, Sandler and Aniston still have their chemistry and both of them still know how to make an otherwise corny joke work.  Jennifer Aniston gets to wear a lot of really pretty outfits and Adam Sandler gets a memorable scene where he tries to convince himself that he can jump over a moat.  There’s a genuinely funny moment towards the end of the film, when a character unrelated to the mystery randomly shows up and interrupts a tense showdown.  Even though I wish the film had done a bit more with character, Mark Strong also seems to be having parodying his own image.  There are moments of Murder Mystery 2 that are actually pretty amusing, though I think chuckled more than I actually laughed out loud.  Ultimately, though, Murder Mystery 2 is rather forgettable.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for Fire And Ice!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

 

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1983’s Fire and Ice!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Fire and Ice is available on Prime and Tubi!  See you there!

 

Congratulations to the Texas Rangers!

Posted on by Dazzling Erin

I couldn’t let this day end without saying congratulations to my Texas Rangers, who won their first game of the 2023 season today!  After the first three innings, I was feeling pretty down because the Phillies were leading, 5-0.  But then, in the fourth inning, the rangers went from being down by 5 to being up by 4!  We went on to win, 11-7.

That’s why I love baseball.  It’s never over until you get that final out and a good team can always make a comeback.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen that Rangers dominate on offense like that.  I used to feel like the Rangers would give up if they found themselves down by a certain number of runs but I didn’t feel that way watching this game.  Today, the Rangers were determinedto win.  I hope it’s a sign of things to come.

It took them a while but the MLB finally uploaded the game’s highlights.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.10 “Keep on the Download” and 4.11 “Havoc”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

C.I.T.Y. …. this show is never going to end….

Episode 4.10 “Keep On The Download”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 21st, 2000)

To be honest, I guess it’s kind of silly that out of all the things that I dislike about City Guys, it’s Chris and Jamal’s radio show that tends to annoy the most.

I mean, I know I spend a lot of time complaining about the way all of the student’s worship Ms. Noble but if there’s anything that truly makes me want to throw something across the room, it’s definitely the sound of Manny and Jamal announcing, “Hello, Manny High!”  The whole radio station thing has never made sense to me and I’ve always had a hard time with the idea of Chris and Jamal becoming radio superstars with their stale schtick.  It also doesn’t help that I’ve never really understood just when exactly Chris and Jamal are doing their show.  Are they broadcasting during class hours?  Are they broadcasting during lunch?  Why does it sometimes seem as if they go several days without even thinking about their radio show just to suddenly have it once become the center of their lives a few episodes later?

This episode establishes that every school in New York City apparently has its own radio station.  Adam and Malik are the radio hosts at Washington Prep and they’ve managed to get an interview with a rapper named Dr. Deej.  After they taunt Chris and Jamal with their success, Chris and Jamal react by trying to get Dr. Deej to appear on their show.  When Jamal can’t get Dr. Deej to return his calls, they decide to just have Chris pretend to be Dr. Deej.

Yes, that’s right.  The very white Chris pretends to be a rapper.  “Yo, yo, yo,” Chris says, “the doctor is in this house, pass me the scalpel, crunch me an apple….”  (Don’t get mad at me, I’m just transcribing.)  The real Dr. Deej calls in to ask how he can be on Chris and Jamal’s show when he’s actually on Adam and Malik’s show.  Uh-oh!

Having been humiliated, Chris and Jamal go over to Washington Prep, break into the booth, and steal the sign with the radio call letters.  Being two huge idiots, Chris and Jamal bring the sign to the roof of Manny High so that everyone can celebrate their thievery.  Ms. Noble sees the sign and is not amused.  When Chris and Jamal say that its just part of a prank war, Ms. Noble informs them the pranks have gone too far and they’re both off the air.  YAY!

Wow, I’m glad that radio stuff is over with.  Let’s move on….

Oh wait, we’re only halfway through the episode.

Adam and Malik announce that they will be broadcasting an on-air funeral for the Chris and Jamal show.  So, Chris and Jamal break into Washington Prep during the middle of the night and they try to sabotage Adam & Malik’s DJ booth.  While trying to move some wires around, they short out an amp.  (Wow, that really escalated.)  Because they’re both extremely stupid, Chis and Jamal break into Washington Prep a second time and attempt to leave a new amp in the DJ booth.  (I’m not sure why, since their stated goal was to sabotage Adam and Malik and they managed to do just that.)  This time, a security guard catches them and, instead of calling the cops, he calls Ms. Noble.

WHAT!?

Anyway, the situation is resolved by letting Adam and Malik use Manny High’s DJ booth until their booth is repaired.  And apparently, Ms. Noble is going to let Chris and Jamal back on the air as well.  I’m not really sure why.  I guess it pays off to break into other schools.

While this is going on, Dawn becomes so obsessed with winning a trophy in the Academic Bowl that she alienates all of her smart teammates and is instead forced to compete with Al and L-Train on her team.  Bizarrely, the Academic Bowl is held on the roof of Manny High and Ms. Noble is the host.  The final question is to list one of the three nicknames for catfish, which really doesn’t sound like an Academic Bowl question.  Because L-Train knows all three of the names, Manny High wins.  L-Train announces that he’s going to take the trophy to a pawn shop.  Ms. Noble, who is so quick to get involved in every aspect of her students’s lives, has no problem with L-Train selling the most prestigious trophy the school has ever won.

Okay, can we move on now?  Yay!

Episode 4.11 “Havoc

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 28th, 2000)

Chis is apparently a guitarist now.  He’s so good that the Screaming Skulls want him to be their new lead guitarist!  But Chris is already in a band, a jazz fusion band with Al, L-Train, and Jamal.  (Their band is called the — *snicker* — Jazz Posse!  I went to a college with a world-famous jazz band and even my jazz-obsessed classmates would not have been caught dead listening to a band called the Jazz Posse.)  How can he be in two bands at the same time?  Actually, quite a few musicians are in multiple bands at the same time but most of them aren’t as dumb as Chris.  Chris he has to make a choice between either being in a world famous rock band or continuing to play on the roof of Manny High.

Jamal acts as if Chris is being selfish for wanting to play with his new band as opposed to spending all of his time with his high school friends.  But, honestly, Jamal kind of sucks.  Never once does he congratulate Chris or even acknowledge that it’s cool that Chris now has proof that he has a possible future as a professional musician.  Instead of being happy for Chris, Jamal immediately start complaining about him not wanting to be in the high school jazz band.  I find it hard to believe that the Al, Jamal, and L-Train couldn’t find someone else to play guitar in their little band.  Is Chris the only guitarist at Manny High?  To the show’s credit, Cassidy actually does call Jamal out for his behavior.  Cassidy goes to Chris’s first gig as a member of the Skulls and discovers that Chris has been replaced by the band because their old guitarist came back.

The next day, Chris lies to everyone at school and says that he’s still in the Skulls.  How exactly does he think he’s going to keep this a secret, as the Skulls have been portrayed as being a pretty famous band?  Chris shows up at the Jazz Posse’s next performance and asks to rejoin the band.  He apologizes for leaving them earlier, despite the fact that Chis has nothing to apologize for and Jamal was the one being a jerk about it.  So, I guess Cassidy calling out Jamal was just something that was done to pad out the episode because no one acknowledges that any musician would rather join a successful band than play in a high school jazz band.

The Jazz Posse plays a show on the roof of Manny High as the end credits roll.  Why does everything have to be on the roof?

Music Video of the Day: Still Alive by Demi Lovato (2023, dir by Jensen Noen)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day features Demi Lovato living every film lover’s dream.

Seriously, who wouldn’t want to get walk through the streets like a super stylish Bond villain and get to attend a private screening with a select group of your only slightly less stylish friends?  This video features Demi Lovato living the type of life that most people can only dream about.  That’s what makes it a good music video.  A music video should always bring our dreams to life.

Enjoy!