Michael Warwick – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Zack loses his favorite duck.

Episode 3.9 “Pipe Dreams”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 26th, 1991)

Oil’s been discovered on Bayside’s football field! Smarmy Dan Grayson (Gary Lahti) offers Bayside a lot of money for the right to drill on the field. Almost all of the students fantasize about going to rich school despite the fact that, with the exception of Kelly, it’s been established that they’re all already rich and that Bayside has been a rich school for a while. I’m not sure why the students think that they would be getting any of the money. And why is it up to the principal to decide whether or not to allow drilling. It seems like that should be up to the county supervisors.

But what about the never before mentioned pond behind the football field!? When the inevitable oil spill happens, Zack’s favorite duck Becky is killed. “She’s where the oil can’t hurt her anymore,” Screech says. It looks like it’s time for Zack to crash Mr. Grayson’s presentation and spray oil on him. “I’m covered in oil!” Mr. Grayson shouts. It’s easy to make your point when your opponent is cartoonishly evil.

You probably already guessed that this is not my favorite episode. It’s just so cartoonishly heavy-handed and the idea that Zack’s simplistic presentation was enough to convince everyone not to drill for oil was borderline insulting. If there’s oil underneath the football field and money to be made by drilling for it, someone’s going to do it. No one is going to care whether Zack approves or not.

My favorite moment is when Slater calls out Jessie for wearing clothing and accessories that aren’t environmentally-friendly. Seriously, Jessie is always a little bit too self-righteous for me. Personally, I would have agreed to let the company drill for the oil but only after they found a new pond for all of the turtles and ducks.

Poor Becky.

This week, Screech is actually good at something!

Episode 3.7 “Check Your Mate”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 5th, 1991)

Bayside has got chess fever! Screech Powers has advanced to the all-city chess finals, where he will be facing off against Valley High’s Russian exchange student Peter Breschnev (Matt Kaminsky), the grandson of a legendary player. Screech fears that he won’t have a chance but then he remembers that he never seems to lose as long as he’s wearing the lucky red beret that Violet purchased for him.

Around the same time that Zack and Slater place a bet on the outcome of chess match, Allison (Hillary Hayes) shows up. She says that she’s from a chess magazine and she wants to do a profile of Screech. She even invites Screech to the magazine’s mansion so that he can swim in the pawn-shaped pool. However, it turns out that Allison is actually a spy from Valley High and she’s been sent to sabotage Screech’s game. Allison steals his lucky beret. How can Screech win now!?

Usually, I can’t stand any episode that revolves around Screech and Violet but I have to admit that I do like this one. Yes, Dustin Diamond and Tori Spelling are just as bad as usual (and Diamond really goes overboard with the goofy faces in this one) but, luckily, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez are also present and they do some of their best work in this episode. Zack and Slater, for instance, kidnap the Russian and tie him up in a broom closet. Zack then pretends to be the Russian and forfeits the match after making one move. Meanwhile, Slater reports on the match for Bayside’s radio station and he does so with just the right amount of earnest enthusiasm. (Jessie: “And now the Russian is hopping out onstage in his underwear!?” Slater: “What an exciting match so far!”) Slater knows nothing about chess but he does know that he wants to see “that commie” defeated. Amongst the guest stars, Hilary Hayes and Matt Kaminsky are perfectly cast and score some laughs of their own. (“I’ll see ya …. at the Galleria.”)

In this episode, Screech nearly loses Violet when he lets his chess fame go to his head. Violet forgives him but this would still be her final episode. I guess dating a chess jock wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.