Happy Friday the 13th from the humans and the cats of the Shattered Lens!
Today is a very special day. It’s the first Friday the 13th of 2019! It’s the unluckiest day of the year so take our advice and be careful out there. In fact, maybe don’t go out at all. Are you reading this at work? Well, make up an excuse and go home. Are you reading this at home? Well, get out of there and go some place safer, like maybe work.
Have you broken a mirror today? If yes, it’s time to go into hiding.
Have you knocked on wood? If no, get to knocking.
Have you thrown salt over your shoulder? If yes, please be aware that the effectiveness of salt in warding off evil spirits has been greatly exaggerated.
Today is Friday the 13th so we advise you to either stay inside and watch the movies or maybe go camping and live them for yourself. But, most of all, be careful and enjoy this day!
From all of the writers and the cat here at the Shattered Lens: Happy 152nd birthday, Canada!
O Canada! How we love you! It’s not just that your people are nice and your basketball teams are impressive. It’s not just that your wilderness is beautiful and your cities are gorgeous. It’s also that so many great movies have been made by or have starred Canadians! The first Canadian film was produced in 1897 but the Canadian film industry really took off in the 70s and the 80s. That’s when Canadian directors like David Cronenberg, Atom Egoyan, and others started to make films that were both uniquely Canadian and, at the same time, universal in their appeal. At the same time, that’s also when Canadian generous tax shelter laws lured a countless number of low-budget productions to the country. Though these films were often disguised as being American productions, they gave early work to several talented Canadian actors and technicians.
Here’s just a few of our favorite Canadian films:
The Canadian film industry has continued to grow, giving us everyone from James Cameron and Denys Arcand to Xavier Dolan and Denis Villeneuve. Along with some wonderful films, Canada has also given us Degrassi and a countless number of Lifetime movies! No wonder the flame-haired one loves Canada so much!
So, Canada — Happy Birthday! Thank you for being you and thank you for not taking it personally that time America tried to invade you back in 1812. We love you, Canada!
Someday, when the humans sit down and try to figure out what led to the cats losing all respect for them and subsequently conquering the world, it will be because of days like this. It’s April Fools Day, a day when people express their love for each other by playing mean jokes and telling viscous lies. Today, thousands of people will briefly think they’ve gotten a promotion at work. Others will celebrate the news of an unexpected pregnancy or they’ll be shocked to learn that their cousin got married over the weekend. There’s going to be a lot of drama and, in the end, it’ll all end with someone yelling “April Fools!” That’s supposed to make it all okay.
Today will be a day of hurt feelings and anger so we here at the Shattered Lens suggest that you spend today watching a movie. Actually, we suggest that you watch at least four movies. Maybe even five. Just watch however many movies you need to watch in order to ensure that you have an excuse not to interact with anyone today. Stay off social media. Avoid twitter. For the love of God, don’t go anywhere near Facebook. Turn off your phone and don’t check your email.
Just watch the movies and make sure that your cat is properly taken care of. If ever there’s a day that should make you appreciate the straight-forward pragmatism of a cat, it should be today. In this history of this cursed holiday, no cat has ever been an April fool. To be an April fool, you have to make the mistake of caring about whether or not your cousin got married in Vegas over the weekend. Cats know better. Being a cat means never having to say that your sorry. It also means never falling for any human pranks.
Happy April Fools Day, everyone.
On this day, watch a movie. May I suggest starting with this one?
As you probably noticed from today’s previous posts, it’s Oscar Sunday!
For many humans and cats, today is an unofficial holiday! Today is the day that we find out who and what the Academy has selected for the best of last year! We may agree. We may disagree. But a lot of us will be watching!
Happy Oscar Sunday, everyone! Please enjoy today’s Oscar-related posts. Who knows? We might even toss in some non-Oscar related posts as well! You never know!
(Next year’s sure winner for Best Supporting Kitty, Goose!)
2018 was a year when humans everywhere proved that they should just be quiet and let cats run the planet. Well, 2018 is over now. It’s 2019 and hopefully, everyone will try to do better over the upcoming 12 months!
Here’s what we have to look forward to in 2019: The Oscars. The release of Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman. Another Star Wars film. The Cannes Film Festival. Terminator 6. Zombieland Too. Another season of The Walking Dead. It: Chapter Two. Captain Marvel. Avengers: Endgame. Spider-Man: Far From Home and Toy Story 4. Mike Posner’s A Real Good Kid and Outer Peace from Toro y Moi. A lot of original films on Lifetime and a chance to see if SyFy will ever have another franchise as successful as Sharknado. Stephen King will probably release another 900-page novel about Maine. And, of course, so much more!
On top of all that, In 11 more months, this site will be ten years old! Can you believe it!?