Don’t Get Mad, Get Even”

Posted on September 9, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Love, life’s sweetest reward….

Episode 8.10 “By Hook or by Crook/Revenge with the Proper Stranger/Don’t Get Mad, Get Even”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1984)

Missy (Heidi Bohay) boards the boat with her husband, Jack (William R. Moses). Missy is upset that Jack had an affair so she decides to even score by having one of her own. She also decides that it should be with the biggest loser on the ship, the better to make Jack feel bad. She selects Lester (Ken Kercheval), who is loud and obnoxious and wears an old timey nightshirt to bed. Lester is convinced that he’s a legendary lover. However, he never gets a chance to prove it to Missy because Missy ultimately decides to forgive her husband. That’s probably for the best.

Consumer advocate Marvin Cooperman (Ray Buketencia) is upset when his wife, Carol (Jan Smithers), take an advertising job with the owner of Ms. Brown’s Brownies, Ellen Brown (Devon Erickson). Eventually, Marvin realizes that he needs to stop devoting all of his time to work and that Carol has every right to pursue a career of her own. Marvin takes over the Acapulco Lounge to let all the passengers on the ship know that he loves his wife and that Ms. Brown’s Brownies are the best. I guess Marvin was meant to be a less evil version of Ralph Nader.

Finally, Judy is feeling depressed about her divorce. When she falls for a handsome, bearded passenger named Mike (Patrick Wayne), it looks like she’s finally got something to be happy about. However, Gopher worries that there’s something strange about Mike. What is Mike trying to hide? In fact, why is Mike using the name Mike when his actual name is Sam? Could Mike be a criminal!? No, actually, Mike is an FBI agent and he’s using a fake name so he can safely go on vacation without the cartels trying to assassinate him. Gopher feels dumb. Judy’s in love. But seriously …. this guy has got a contract out on his life. Don’t get too attached, Judy! This story would have been great if Lauren Tewes was still on the show. Pat Klous is fine as Judy but the character just doesn’t have the same sibling chemistry with Gopher and Isaac that Julie did.

This cruise goes in the pleasant but forgettable file. There was nothing particularly bad about it but there wasn’t really anything great about it either. It was The Love Boat on autopilot and the ocean was lovely.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.9 “The Last Heist/Starting Over/Watching the Master”

Posted on September 2, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

And looooooove, won’t hurt anymore….

Episode 8.9 “The Last Heist/Starting Over/Watching the Master”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on November 10th, 1984)

Recent law school graduate Paula (Julia Duffy) boards the boat with the man who paid for her education, Uncle David (Patrick Macnee). Paula thinks David is a businessman but, as David explains to her once they’ve reached their cabin, he’s actually a jewel thief. Paula asks David to retire from stealing but David explains that he’s going to pull off one final big score by stealing a necklace owned by Martha Parker (Abby Dalton). He’s even had a replica of the necklace made so that Martha will never notice that the real one has been stolen,

Needless to say, Paula has a lot on her mind when stockbroker Andy Brooks (Douglas Barr) first tries to hit on her. But what if Andy isn’t a stockbroker? Shortly after David steals the necklace, Andy shows up at his cabin. Andy explains that he’s actually an insurance investigator and that David will be turned over to the authorities as soon as the ship docks in Los Angeles. Oh no!

However, because Andy has fallen in love with Paula, he later tells them that he won’t turn David in as long as David both returns the necklace and retires from being a thief. David agrees. What David doesn’t realize is that Andy actually is just a stockbroker and the whole thing was a set-up engineered by Paula to get him to retire.

Meanwhile, Doc is excited because his new girlfriend, Gloria (Delta Burke), is going to be on the cruise. Unfortunately, Hal Winston (William Christopher) is also on the boat. Hal is marrying one of Doc’s ex-wives and he’s on the cruise so he can observe Doc and learn to be more like him. Doc gets annoyed. Gloria falls in love with Hal. “I guess I’m still paying alimony,” Doc says as he watches Hal and Gloria leave the boat together.

These first two stories were really charming. I especially liked the story involving David, Andy, and Paula. Patrick Macnee had just the right twinkle in his eye. Julia Duffy and Douglas Barr had the type of carnal chemistry that was rarely seen on the G-rated Love Boat. As for Doc’s story, it was funny in its dopey way.

Unfortunately, those two stories were overshadowed by the third story. Beth Reed (Deborah Adair), an old friend of Judy’s, boards the cruise. Beth is recently divorced. When another passenger, Joe (Brodie Greer), starts to hit on her, Beth says she’s not interested. At first, Joe thinks that it’s because he’s been coming on too strong and Judy assumes that Beth is struggling to adjust to being divorced. However, Beth eventually explains that she got divorced because her husband could not handle the fact that she was raped by a stranger. At first, Joe seems understanding but then he freaks out when Beth says that, when she returns to Los Angeles, she will be testifying against her rapist. That’s going to be so embarrassing for you!, he says. Joe goes on and on about how Beth shouldn’t testify. In fact, Joe was so adamant that I was almost expecting it be revealed that Joe was the brother or a friend of the man who raped her.

Instead, it just turns out that Joe’s a jerk. Beth says that she never wants to see Joe again and that’s really where this story should have ended. Joe goes from coming on way too strong to basically ordering Beth not to testify against a rapist. Joe should have been dumped and Beth should have left the boat alone but proud that she stood up for herself. Instead, Joe offers up a half-assed apology and Beth not only takes him back but agrees to marry him.

NO! Joe does not deserve to be taken back. NO! Do not marry the guy who, after knowing you for two days, tries to tell you how to live your life. It seems like Beth is just going from one jerk to another and her friend Judy doesn’t do anything to stop her.

I have no doubt that there were good intentions behind this story. But, seen today, the best thing you can say about the story is that it was tone deaf and insensitive. Brodie Greer, who was likable as Baricza on CHiPs and on a previous episode of The Love Boat in which he appeared, gives a rather stiff performance, almost as if he himself couldn’t believe some of the lines that had been written for him.

Two of the stories were charming but they were both overshadowed by the third story and it brought the entire episode down.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.8 “Aerobic April/The Wager/Story of the Century”

Posted on August 26, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a familiar passenger returns.

Episode 8.8 “Aerobic April/The Wager/Story of the Century”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on November 3rd, 1984)

April Lopez (Charo) is back!

After appearing at least once during each of the The Love Boat‘s first six seasons, Charo was absent during the seventh season. She finally returns in this week’s episode, which sees April being hired as the ship’s aerobics instructor.

And that’s fine, I guess. Charo brings a lot of energy to the role, as she did in her previous appearances on The Love Boat. That said, it feels a bit like everyone is just going through the motions this time. Previous April stories featured her looking for love, trying to make it as a performer, or helping to raise a family. This episode basically just features her chasing around the members of the crew and demanding that they exercise. She does leave the ship with a passenger (played by Gordon Jump) but it’s hard not to feel that the relationship won’t last. We’ve seen April fall in love many times but she’s always single whenever she returns to the ship.

While April is forcing the crew to exercise, wastrel Brandon Summerville (Ben Murphy) bets his wealthy brother, Clayborn (Charles Siebert), a million dollars that Clayborn will fall in love during the cruise. And Clayborn does fall in love! But it turns out that Brandon actually hired Anne Loring (Mary Kate McGeehan) to seduce his brother so that Brandon could win the bet. Anne really does fall in love with Clayborn and she confesses everything to him. Clayborn doesn’t care. He thinks that Anne showed good business sense and now he’s more in love with her than ever.

Finally, journalist Harold Fleming (Ralph Bellamy) is convinced that passenger Sarah Webster (Dorothy McGuire) is actually the long-missing Amelia Earhart. Sarah insists that she’s not. Eventually, Harold and Sarah fall in love and agree to disagree.

This was a bit of a silly episode. None of the stories carried much weight but Ralph Bellamy and Dorothy McGuire were both charming, two old pros giving it their best. Otherwise, this was a pleasant but fairly forgettable cruise. Not even Charo could liven things up.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.7 “And One to Grow On/Seems Like Old Times/I’ll Never Forget What’s Her Name”

Posted on August 19, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s love! Welcome aboard, it’s love!

Episode 8.7 “And One to Grow On/Seems Like Old Times/I’ll Never Forget What’s Her Name”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on October 27th, 1984)

Ruth Justin (Morgan Brittany) boards the ship with her ex-fiancée, Arthur (Richard Kline). Arthur has been suffering from amnesia ever since Ruth ended their engagement and Ruth hopes that she can help cure his condition by taking a cruise with him. But what if Arthur is just faking his condition because he wants to get back together with Ruth?

Private detective Johnny Bonilla (Alex Rocco) boards the ship with his client, Deborah Marshall (Joan Van Ark). Deborah hired Johnny to help her tack down Larry Peters (Robert Reed), a man who she once had a crush on. But what if Larry is just an overage playboy and Johnny is the one who truly loves Deborah?

Those two stories, while handled competently, were pretty much just standard Love Boat plotlines. The story that one truly remembers from this episode belongs to Vicki and Captain Stubing. Vicki is finally turning 18 and the Captain throws her a big surprise party on the boat. Vicki is happy and the Captain is proud …. or, at least, he is until he catches Vicki with a bottle of champagne. The Captain ends up yelling at Vicki. Vicki runs off, with tears in her eyes. Doc Bricker suggests that it’s time that the Captain tell Vicki the truth about his alcoholism.

Captain Stubing is scared to do so. He fears that, if he tells Vicki that he was an angry drunk who once nearly hit a kid while driving while intoxicated, she’ll lose all respect for him. But, in a wonderfully-acted scene, Stubing does tell her. And, once the shock wears off, Vicki comes to see her father as being more of a hero than ever. She now understands why the Captain doesn’t drink and, importantly, the Captain himself understands why he overreacted to seeing Vicki tipsy.

In the past, I’ve always wondered about whether or not Vicki had a life outside of the ship and, to be honest, I still wonder that. Even when she celebrates her 18th birthday, there’s no one her own age around. Instead, she celebrates with the much older crew and a bunch of elderly passengers. That doesn’t seem quite fair to Vicki. Because The Love Boat is …. well, the Love Boat, it’s easy to ignore the fact that Vicki pretty much gave up her childhood to work on a cruise ship.

That said, Captain Stubing and Vicki’s father-daughter relationship has always, somewhat surprisingly, been one of the strongest elements of The Love Boat and that’s almost entirely due to the performances of Gavin MacLeod and Jill Whelan. One sees that in this episode. Gavin MacLeod was a recovering alcoholic in real life and his performance the scene in which he talks to Vicki about his struggles has an authenticity to it that keeps it from getting mawkish or preachy.

(I cried as I watched. I’m missing my dad today.)

This was a good cruise, even if Ace was strangely not on the boat this week. Where were you Ace?

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.6 “Soap Gets in Your Eyes/A Match Made in Heaven/Tugs of the Heart”

Posted on August 12, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Soon we’ll be making another round….

Episode 8.6 “Soap Gets in Your Eyes/A Match Made in Heaven/Tugs of the Heart”

(Dir by Bruce Bilson, originally aired on October 20th, 1984)

Years ago, Gopher asked Leslie Palmer (Dianne Kay) to marry him. Leslie turned him down, breaking his heart. At the time, she said that Gopher just wasn’t mature enough to marry. He had no direction in his life.

This week, when Leslie boards the Pacific Princess, she sees that Gopher has grown up.… well, at least a little. As Gopher explains it, he has an important job, a nice salary, and a good pension. “People call me sir,” he says, and Fred Grandy delivers the line with just enough sheepishness that one gets the feeling he’s just as surprised as anyone by the fact that he’s finally gotten his life together. When Gopher again asks Leslie to marry him, she says yes.

Oh my God! First Julie got married and now Gopher! Is there going to be anyone left on the ship?!

Well, hold on. Leslie may accept Gopher’s proposal, but later she has a breakdown and apologizes. Leslie says that she loves Gopher but, “I’m not in love with you.” It turns out that Leslie is pregnant and she accepted Gopher’s proposal so her child would not be born out of wedlock. Gopher is surprisingly forgiving.

This was actually a sweet story, largely due to Fred Grandy’s sincere performance as Gopher. At the same time, it was hard not to miss Lauren Tewes while watching this story. The Love Boat always hinted that Julie was destined to end up with either Doc or Gopher. Pat Klous is doing a good job as Julie’s replacement, but she still doesn’t have the same chemistry with the cast that Tewes did. If Julie McCoy seemed like everyone’s sister, Judy seems like everyone’s respected coworker.

While Gopher was getting his heart broken, the recently deceased Jack Davidson (Bill Macy) boarded the ship with his guardian angel, Mr. Weatherby (Fritz Weaver). In order to get into heaven, Jack would have to commit one selfless act while on the boat. Jack met and fell in love with Blair Chapman (Juliet Mills). However, knowing that he was destined to disappear into the afterlife immediately after the cruise ended, Jack gently told Blair that he couldn’t get involved with her. That counted as his selfless act. As for Blair, it turned out that she was terminally ill and had only a month or so to live. Jack leaves the boat happy, knowing that Blair will soon die and be in Heaven with him. Only The Love Boat could present dying as a happy ending.

Finally, soap opera actor David Swick (Charles Frank) plays a villain on daytime television, but he’s a nice guy in real life. Melanie (Susan Blanchard) discovers this firsthand when she meets David on the boat and they fall in love. Unfortunately, Melanie’s mother (Jayne Meadows) cannot forgive David for all the evil things his character has done on television. This story was just silly, but at least Frank and Blanchard had a likable chemistry.

Though the season overall may have gotten off to a rough start, this week’s episode of The Love Boat was actually a pretty pleasant cruise. Fred Grandy got to do something other than just be goofy. Juliet Mills died .… okay, well that wasn’t pleasant, but at least she’ll have someone waiting for her in the afterlife. As for the soap opera storyline, it took me back to those summer days when I was out of school and I watched the daytime dramas with my mom and my aunt. Those were good memories.

I enjoyed this cruise! The Love Boat truly has something for everyone.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.5 “Only the Good Die Young/Honey Beats the Odds/The Light of Another Day”

Posted on August 5, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 8.5 “Only the Good Die Young/Honey Beats the Odds/The Light of Another Day”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 13th, 1984)

This week, Isaac’s friend Lydia (Vernee Watson) boards the boat with her young son, Timmy (Emmanuel Lewis). Is it time for Isaac to find love? Not quite. It turns out that Isaac knew Lydia’s deceased husband. This trip is the first that Lydia and Timmy have taken since he died.

At first, Timmy is all cute and adorable. But then he overhears Isaac talking to Lydia. When Isaac mentions something about the good always dying young, Timmy decides to be bad so that he’ll live longer. Soon, he’s sneaking out of his cabin, making a mess in the kitchen, and trying to steal stuff from the gift shop. Finally, Captain Stubing and Isaac explain to him that what Isaac said was just an expression. All is forgiven!

Oh God, this storyline. I almost always respond to stories about people dealing with the loss of a parent or spouse. I did not respond at all to this story, though. Some of that is because Emmanuel Lewis’s performance as Timmy was way too cutesy. Even more of it was because this story didn’t really deal with loss in any sort of honest or authentic way. Instead, it was just some stupid kid who misunderstood something that he heard. As usual, Ted Lange really poured his heart into his performance but otherwise, this story just fell flat.

Meanwhile, blind Millie Constant (Barbara Parkins) thinks that she has randomly run into Sam Washburn (John Bennett Perry — yes, Matthew’s father). In college, before she lost her eyesight, she had a crush on Sam. What she doesn’t know is that Sam is dead and she’s actually met his younger brother, George. When Millie finally figures out that George is not Sam, how will she react? Most people, blind or not, would probably be disgusted and go out of their way to avoid George for the rest of the cruise. Millie, however, falls in love with George because this is The Love Boat! This story actually featured two good performances. Both Parkins and Perry did their best with the material they had been given to work with. But the story itself asks us to suspend our disbelief just a bit too much.

Finally, Honey Mallory (Stephanie Faracy) boards the boat with her boyfriend, bookie Jake Diamond (James Sloyan). With Jake more interested in making bets than romance, Honey starts to hang out with Miles Metcalf (Jack Riley). Jake panics when he realizes that he might lose Honey. He should also panic about the fact that Miles is a federal agent who has been secretly recording all of his conversations with Honey. This story ends on a weird note. Honey realizes that she loves Jake but Miles announce that Jake will be getting indicted at the end of the week.

All in all, this was not a memorable cruise. None of the stories worked that well and, with the exception of Ted Lange, the Love Boat cast didn’t really seem like that they were that into it this week. This was a pretty forgettable cruise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.4 “Ace Meets the Champ/Why Justin Can’t Read/Call Me a Doctor”

Posted on July 29, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, we’re expecting you!

Episode 8.4 “Ace Meets the Champ/Why Justin Can’t Read/Call Me a Doctor”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on October 6th, 1994)

Malcolm Bosworth (James Noble) boards the ship with his son (Dick Billingsley) and his son’s tutor (Jeannie Wilson). When both the tutor and Doc Bricker suggest that his son might be struggling academically because he’s dyslexic, Malcolm replies, “My son’s not retarded!” Booooo, Malcolm, booooo! In Malcolm’s defense, he comes to see the error of his ways but still, booooo!

Walter Milner (Louis Giambalvo) is a furniture salesman who tells Margo Bush (Tovah Feldshuh) that he’s a doctor. Margo’s mother (Doris Roberts) really wants her daughter to marry a doctor. Wow, I bet that will lead to some wacky complications!

Those two stories are both well-handled and feature some likable performances. James Noble makes Malcolm into a sympathetic figure, even if he is totally incorrect about dyslexia. But neither one of those stories is the main event.

The main event is Ace and Isaac boxing Ernie Jordan (Dick Butkus). Ernie is a professional boxer. Ace and Isaac are not. Ernie was originally scheduled to take part in an exhibition match for charity but, when his opponent gets sick, it looks like the children’s hospital will just have to close. Ernie’s publicist, Gaylan (Jennifer Holmes), is a former girlfriend of Ace’s. She left Ace because she felt he was irresponsible. Isaac and Gopher decide that the best way for Ace to prove that he isn’t irresponsible would be for him to volunteer to fight a professional boxer. Ace agrees. After Isaac writes a poem ridiculing the champ, Ernie declares that he’ll fight both Isaac and Ace at the same time.

Wow, sounds like Ace and Isaac are in a lot of trouble! Fortunately, for them, Ernie is a nice guy and he throws the fight and pretends to get knocked out. The children’s hospital is saved, Ernie’s reputation is probably ruined, and Ace proves …. well, I don’t know what Ace proves. Ace’s goal is to show that he’s not just a rich kid with an easy job but that’s a little bit difficult because he is a rich kid with an easy job. Ace is the Jack Schlossberg of The Love Boat, just with better hair. Still, Ace gets a girlfriend for the final five minutes or so of the episode so that’s a good thing.

This episode was pleasant, though it’s hard not to feel that Gopher would have been a more amusing opponent for Ernie Jordan. Pat Klous still seems to be struggling to fit in with the rest of the cast as Judy. Still, Isaac’s brief Mohammad Ali impersonation made me smile and Ted McGinley’s hair was perfect. With this episode, The Love Boat shows its age a little but luckily, our crew is still capable of delivering an enjoyable if not exactly memorable cruse.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.2 and 8.3 “Vicki and the Fugitive/Lady in the Window/Stolen Years/Dutch Treat”

Posted on July 22, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we have a two-hour episode of The Love Boat!

Episodes 8.2 and 8.3 “Vicki and the Fugitive/Lady in the Window/Stolen Years/Dutch Treat”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on September 29th, 1984)

This week, the crew is assigned to a European cruise! Aboard the Royal Viking Sky, the crew and their passengers sail from England to the Netherlands and back again. This is one of those episodes that was shot on location and, as always, the scenery is lovely.

The stories on the other hand….

Vicki falls for a deckhand named Peter (Patrick Cassidy). In fact, Vicki even finds herself falling in love with him. (In this episode, it’s established that Vicki is now 17. Is she old enough now to actually get paid a salary for all the work she does on the boat?) However, Peter is actually Anton, a young man who is being pursued by Interpol. The show spends a lot of time trying to make it appear as if Antono is a criminal of some sort. Actually, he’s just a royal prince who ran off because he wasn’t ready to accept his official duties. Vicki is happy to discover that Anton isn’t a criminal but unhappy that he now has to stay behind and rule a kingdom in Europe.

Captain Stubing probably could have helped Vicki during all of this but he was too busy pursing a romance with Inga Van Damme (Elke Sommer), a mysterious passenger who, much like Anton, appeared to be keeping a secret from her romantic partner. Telling Stubing that she couldn’t be with him, Inga left the ship early. Stubing wandered all over Amsterdam, searching for her. And he discovered her …. working as a madam. “It is legal here,” Inga explains. “But is it morally right?” Stubing replies.

Speaking of being morally right, Dr. Foster (Pat Harrington, Jr.) finds himself on the boat with both his wife (Eileen Brennan) and his mistress (Teri Copley)! Wow, how many times can the exact same thing happen on the Love Boat? As always with this show, the husband went back to his wife but, fortunately, his mistress met someone while leaving the boat. “Can I help you with your bags?” the charming stranger asks. “Are you married?” the former mistress replies.

Finally, Danish Lisa Anderson (Cloris Leachman) meets Erik Larsen (George Kennedy), another Dane, on the boat. (George Kennedy speaks with his normal American accent.) Erik falls in love with Lisa (Hey! That’s my name!) but Lisa is haunted by memories of her former lover (Tim Robbins) being dragged away by the Nazis during World War II. At first, it seems that Lisa is too haunted by what happened to move on. However, it is eventually revealed that her former lover is Erik Larsen! Somehow, Tim Robbins grew up to be George Kennedy. In her memories, it appears that Lisa betrayed Erik but actually, by pointing him out to the Nazis, she bought him time. While everyone else in the town square was being executed, Erik was being interrogated and, because of this, he was still alive when the Americans returned.

So, here’s the problem. Cloris Leachman, not surprisingly, gives a great performance as Lisa. And George Kennedy, once you get over the idea that he’s supposed to be Danish, gives a pretty good performance as Erik. But flashbacks of Nazi atrocities feel very much out-of-place when mixed in with scenes of Vicki dating a prince and the doctor trying to balance being on a cruise with both his wife and his mistress. Tonally, this episode is all over the place.

That said, the scenery’s lovely (am I repeating myself) and Ted McGinley fit in nicely with the rest of the crew. Pat Klous isn’t bad as Judy but, at least at this point in the season, she doesn’t have the same sort of brother/sister chemistry that Lauren Tewes had with Fred Grandy and Bernie Kopell. McGinley, of course, had the advantage that, while he was new, he still wasn’t replacing anyone. Poor Pat Klous still has to escape from the shadow of the former cruise director.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.1 The Crew’s Cruise Director/What a Drag/Doc’s Slump

Posted on July 15, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, it’s time to start season 8!

Episode 8.1 “The Crew’s Cruise Director/What a Drag/Doc’s Slump”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on September 22nd, 1984)

The season starts with the Captain gathering the crew — including Ace, your ship’s photographer! — in his cabin and telling them that Julie will not be joining them on their next cruise. Or any other cruise for that matter. Julie has eloped will never be seen again. (In real life, Lauren Tewes was struggling with a cocaine addiction and was fired after the seventh season.) Everyone drinks a toast to Julie, even Captain Stubing who has previously been established as a recovering alcoholic.

The new cruise director is Bernice Bronson (Diane Ladd), who is oddly abrasive and doesn’t seem to care about keeping any of the passengers happy. Seriously, why is this woman a cruise director? I understand that The Love Boat had corporate sponsorship so I have to wonder how the actual executives at Princess Cruise Line felt about one of their employees being portrayed as being so incompetent at her job. Fortunately, Julie’s sister — Judy McCoy (Pat Klous) — is also on the cruise. A former cruise director herself (who, we’re told, taught Julie everything she knew), Judy takes it upon herself to cover for Bernice.

This week’s cruise is an all women’s cruise to Alaska. Along with going to the coldest place on Earth, the passengers also get to have a pajama party in the ship’s lounge and one of them will win a date with sexy singing sensation (snicker) Engelbert Humperdinck. Engelbert only appears briefly in this episode, which is good because I misspell his name every time I try to write about him.

Doc’s new girlfriend, Emily (Michelle Phillips), is not amused that Doc is on a boat full of women. She knows that Doc has a reputation and a history. Ace and Gopher take it upon themselves to try to convince Emily not to leave Doc. Doc just looks exhausted in this episode.

Emily really should put the blame on publicist Jane Fletcher (Patty Duke). Jane’s the one who came up with the idea for the cruise and also the contest to win a date with the singer whose name I can’t spell. Jane’s husband (Bert Convy) and his best friend (Arte Johnson) decide to disguise themselves as women and sneak on board. Jane immediately recognizes her bathrobe at the pajama party so she pretends to be in love with Captain Stubing in order to make her husband jealous. Meanwhile, Bernice falls in love with the husband’s friend and she quits her job.

OH MY GOD — THE CRUISE IS WITHOUT A CRUISE DIRECTOR!

Well, don’t worry. The Captain offers the job to Judy and Judy accepts.

This episode was …. well, it was okay. It felt strange not having Julie aboard but Judy seems like she’ll be a good replacement and I’m also happy that Ted McGinley is now a permanent member of the crew. Personally, I would love to have a pajama party on a cruise ship. That said, Jane should have divorced her idiot husband and Doc really should do something about this midlife crisis that he’s been having for the last eight years.

I’m looking forward to this new season, though. Love is still exciting and new.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.1 and 7.2 “China Cruise: The Pledge/East Meets West/Dear Roberta/My Two Dumplings”

Posted on January 7, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we begin season 7!

Episodes 7.1 and 7.2 “China Cruise: The Pledge/East Meets West/Dear Roberta/My Two Dumplings”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on October 1st, 1983)

It’s time for season seven of The Love Boat!

Gopher has been promoted to head purser. For six seasons, he was assistant purser and I always wondered who the head purser was. Apparently, there wasn’t one because Stubing promoted him without firing anyone. It’s possible that I just don’t know how cruise ships work.

The Love Boat crew starts off the season with a cruise around China! I guess the old saying is true — only Stubing could go to China. I kept waiting for Stubing to announce that he recognized Taiwan as an independent nation but he didn’t. I was a little bit disappointed by that. Instead, Stubing and the crew saw the sights. There’s a panda bear! There’s the Great Wall of China! There’s a bunch of young people all singing, almost as the future of their loved ones depended on doing a good job! In fact, this premiere episode is really more about seeing the sights of China than it is about any of the drama playing out on the boat. I guess that makes since. This episode aired in the pre-Internet age of 1983, so for the audience, this really was a chance to see a world that they probably couldn’t otherwise experience. It’s not like they could go on YouTube and do a search for China or something like that. It was up to The Love Boat to open up the world!

That said, Chinese medicine came in for a bit of criticism. Susan Anton played a woman who didn’t trust doctors and who thought buying a Chinese symbol for good luck would keep her safe. However, when she suddenly had intense stomach pain, it was up to Doc to save her life. Where’s your good luck charm now!?

Linda Evans played a woman who fell in love with Lee Majors, little suspecting that Majors was the author of the “Dear Roberta” advice column. Some of “Roberta’s” advice led to Evans divorcing her previous husband.

Lee Horsley played a man with two girlfriends (Erin Moran and Pat Klous). Uh-oh! They all ended up on the boat at the same time!

Finally, Ursula Andress played a dying woman who fell for a mysterious but charming passenger (John Forsythe). Unfortunately, Forsythe had a warrant out for his arrest and Detective Michael Constantine was determined to take him into custody. This story was unique in that it had an unhappy ending! While the crew had a few unhappy endings (Remember when Julie was left at the altar?), this was the first time that things didn’t work out for a passenger.

Was this a good episode? It was, strictly from the point of view that I like The Love Boat crew and I enjoy spending time with them. This episode was occasionally a bit too much of a travelogue but the Andress/Forsythe story carried some weight. All in all, it was a decent start for season 7.