Lifetime Film Review: Killer Dream Home (dir by Jake Helgren)

Oh Hell yeah!

Now, this is a good Lifetime film!

Basically, Killer Dream Home tells the story of Jules (Maiara Walsh) and Josh Grant (John DeLuca).  They’re young.  They’re married.  They’re hot.  Josh never wears a shirt, which is kind of nice.  They’ve just bought a gigantic house that they’re planning on flipping, though there’s no way I would ever give up that house because it’s seriously one of the best that I’ve ever seen.  I mean, the pool alone is bigger than my back yard.  They invite their friend, Bliss (Brooke Butler), to come live with them.  You know that you’ve made it when you’ve got a blonde friend named Bliss.

They also end up hiring an interior designer named Morgan (Eva Mauro) but it turns out that Morgan might not be as perfect as their new house.  First off, it turns out that Morgan’s entire portfolio was made up of pictures that she cut out of magazines.  As soon as Morgan shows up, the first thing that she does is scare away the gardener, with whom she appears to have some sort of deep, dark history.  The second thing she does is suggest to Jules that Josh might be cheating on her with Bliss.  The third thing she does is get undressed while Josh is watching.  Morgan attempts to seduce Josh and Josh is all like, “Just because I don’t own a shirt, that doesn’t make me a man whore!”

And so it goes.  It all leads to murder, of course.  It always does.

Killer Dream Home has everything that you could possibly want from a Lifetime film.  It features beautiful people, beautiful houses, a lot of sex, and a few murders.  (Morgan doesn’t hold back when it comes to killing people.  Just as Jake is apparent allergic to shirts, Morgan is allergic to following a moral code.)  Jake Helgren has directed a lot of these films and he definitely knows not only what the audience wants but also how to deliver it.  Some might complain that Killer Dream Home is not a particularly realistic film but realism is not what we watch films like this for.  We watch films like this for handsome husbands who never wear a shirt and dangerous femme fatales who wear scandalous bathing suits while using the pool.  Lifetime films, at their best, create their own sort of alternative dream world and that’s certainly what Killer Dream Home accomplishes.

Killer Dream Home is a film that you experience more than you watch.  It’s a journey into the heart of Lifetime melodrama, where every house is big and everyone is sexy and every stranger has a mysterious past.  Watch this film for the house and the clothes and the wonderfully arch dialogue.  Watch it for Eva Mauro’s unapologetically intense performance.  Watch it for the scene where Morgan narrowly misses Bliss with a nail gun and then attempts to laugh it off. That nail gun gets quite a workout in Killer Dream Home.  I should probably pick one up because they seem to be very useful.

Killer Dream Home is Lifetime at its best!

Film Review: What If…. (dir by Dallas Jenkins)

2010’s What If…. is a likable, religious-themed twist on the It’s a Wonderful Life formula.

It tells the story of Ben Walker (Kevin Sorbo), who years ago abandoned his girlfriend and his dreams of entering the ministry so that he could be a business executive instead.  15 years later, he’s a ruthless businessman who gives heartless speeches and thinks nothing of running other people out of business.  Fortunately, a guardian angel (John Ratzenberger) pops up and punches Ben into unconsciousness.  When Ben wakes up, he’s a preacher, he’s married to Wendy (Kristy Swanson), and he’s got two daughters!

Yes, it’s basically a take on It’s A Wonderful Life.  Instead of seeing what the world would be like if he had never been born, Ben gets a chance to see what the world would be like if he hadn’t abandoned Wendy.  He would be poor, though he would still live in a pretty nice house.  However, he’d have a family and he’d have a preaching career.

You can probably guess what happens.  Ben refuses to accept that any of this is real.  He keeps saying that it’s a dream.  He stumbles through his first sermon.  He tries to return to the office where he works, just to discover that no one knows who he is.  Eventually, he comes to learn that his alternate life isn’t that bad and that, in many ways, it’s actually better than his real life.

And, to be honest, it’s kind of a sweet movie.  I mean, obviously, some of how you react to this film will depend on how you feel about religion in general.  If you’re a hardcore atheist, this film will probably make you throw a shoe at someone.  Don’t watch this film is you’re a hardcore atheist.  (Hardcore Democrats might want to avoid it as well, since the film basically stars everyone in Hollywood who voted for Trump.)  That said, Kevin Sorbo and Kristy Swanson both give earnest and likable performances and they have a really nice chemistry.  The scene where Ben gives a clueless sermon actually is funny, as are the various reactions to the listeners.  (One woman thinks Ben is a disgrace while her husband is just happy that the sermon was short.)  Much as he did with The Resurrection of Gavin Stone, director Dallas Jenkins manages to tell his story without getting too preachy.  He manages to avoid the traps that most other religious films fall into.

As I said, it’s not for everyone but it’s still a sweet-natured film.  I do have some issues with the ending because — SPOILER ALERT! — it ignores the fact that real world Ben is starting his family fifteen years later than alternative world Ben did — SPOILER END! — but it’s still a likable twist on the Wonderful Life formula.

Film Review: A Very Brady Sequel (dir by Arlene Sanford)

“I’m tripping with the Bradys….” Roy Martin (Tim Matheson) announces shortly before he passes out in the 1996 film, A Very Brady Sequel.

And indeed, Roy is!  That’s what happens when Alice (Henriette Mantel) discovers a bunch of hallucinogenic mushrooms in your luggage and decides to use them for dinner.  It not only leads to Roy suffering through a cartoon Hell with the Bradys but it also causes Alice to disappear inside of the refrigerator.  The Bradys, however, don’t really seem to find any of it to be strange.  Safely hidden away in their home, the Bradys aren’t aware of things like drugs and bad trips.  They’re more concerned with potato sack races and Cindy’s lisp and Jan’s imaginary boyfriend, George Glass.

A Very Brady Sequel is, as the title suggests, a sequel to The Brady Bunch Movie.  In this one, conman Roy Martin shows up at the Brady House and claims to be the first husband of Carol Brady (Shelley Long).  “This is Carol’s first husband,” Mike (Gary Cole) explains, “He’s not dead like we thought.”  Mike might have mixed feelings about Roy being alive but he’s still determined to be a gracious host.  That’s the Brady way.

Roy wants to steal a priceless artifact that’s sitting in the Brady house.  It’s kind of a silly plot but then again, it’s a silly movie.  The important thing is that it eventually leads to the Bradys flying to Hawaii, where we discover that Carol’s husband was a professor and he disappeared during a three-hour tour and apparently, there’s no chance that he could have washed up on an island somewhere.

A Very Brady Sequel never quite gets the love that the first Brady Bunch movie does but I enjoy it.  Admittedly, it doesn’t have quite the same innocence as the first film.  The focus is much more on Roy and his attempts to swindle the Bradys and, as a result, A Very Brady Sequel can sometimes feel a bit more mean-spirited than the first Brady Bunch film, in which the focus was on the Bradys and their eternal (some would say infernal) optimism.  A lot of the jokes that felt so natural in the first film feel a bit forced in the sequel.  That seems to be the way that things usually go with comedy sequels, to be honest.

That said, there’s enough funny moments in A Very Brady Sequel that it’s a worthy continuation of the Brady story.  For instance, how can you not smile at the Bradys dancing on the airplane while totally oblivious to how annoyed the rest of the passnegers are with them?  How can you not enjoy Jan’s attempts to convince everyone that George Glass is real?  The cast is still likable and Gary Cole still has a talent for delivering the most absurd dialogue in the most deadpan style imaginable.

Add to that, Hawaii looks as beautiful as ever!  Seriously, if you’re ever going to get stuck with a bunch of weird, 70s sitcom characters, Hawaii is the place to do it!

A Very Brady Sequel was followed by The Brady Bunch In The White House, which I would recommend avoiding.

Film Review: The Brady Bunch Movie (dir by Betty Thomas)

“Put on your Sunday best, kids.  We’re going to Sears!”

I’m probably like a lot of people, in that I hate The Brady Bunch as a television show but I love the 1995 film version.  Of course, the film version acknowledges a lot of the things that make the TV show so difficult to sit through.  For instance, whenever I watch the TV show, I’m stuck by the fact that Robert Reed’s Mike Brady is kind of a jerk and he really doesn’t seem to know what he’s talking about half of the time.  Fortunately, in the movie, Gary Cole plays Mike Brady as being kind of a jerk who really doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  On the TV show, I’m always amazed that no one ever points out how dorky Greg Brady is or how no one ever seems to notice that Jan is slowly losing her mind.  The movie, however, is all about how dorky Greg is and how Jan is slowly losing her mind.

“Marcia Marcia Marcia!” Jan (played by Jennifer Elise Cox) exclaims and the audience is instantly divided between neglected middle children and those of us who were maybe a little bit spoiled when we were growing up.

“Johnny Bravo was just Johnny Rotten,” Greg (played by Christopher Daniel Barnes) confesses and it’s tempting to tell Greg not to be too hard on himself but it’s true.  That clown song really sucked and I don’t blame everyone for running away whenever Greg started to sing.

“Your father’s right, kids!” Carol (Shelley Long) says after every one of Mike’s long-winded soliloquies and the film hints that Carol might actually understand that Mike is rarely right but Carol is determined to do whatever needs to be done to keep the Bunch moving forward.  Myself, I’m more concerned by how long it’s taking Carol to read Jonathan Livingston Seagull.  My aunt owns a copy of that book and, if I remember correctly, it’s pretty short.

All of the Bradys (and Alice, too) get a chance to show off what they can do in The Brady Bunch Movie.  They’ve all pretty much got the same quirks as they did in the series but what made them so annoying on television actually makes them rather endearing in the film.  Of course, the film finds the Bradys living in the 90s, surrounded by crime, pollution, loud music, and a dastardly plot to steal their house.  (That’s what they get for living next door to veteran comedy villain Michael McKean).  The thing is that, while the rest of the world is a mess, the Bradys themselves still act and dress like they did on their television show.  They’re literally a family out of time.  That’s not a problem with Marcia, who all the boys love despite the 70s fashion sense and the belief that a hand on the knee is moving too fast.  But the rest of the family definitely sticks out, like a sore but always cheerful thumb.  And yet, because everyone around them is so obnoxious, it’s hard not to appreciate the Bradys and their nonstop earnestness.  They’re an antidote to everything negative in the world.  All they had to do was remain clueless about everything happening outside of their front door.

The Brady Bunch Movie makes me laugh every time I watch it.  It’s one of those films that I watch whenever I’m feeling extremely down.  It’s impossible not to be cheered up when the Bradys start dancing through Sears, amazed by the sight of their faces on television while Mike and Carol carefully examine a virbator in the background.  I’m thankful for this film.  It makes me laugh.

Every day is a sunshine day with the movie Bradys.

The television Bradys can go to Hell.


Lifetime Film Review: InstaPsycho (dir by Nick Everhart)

Social media!  It’s murder!

That seems to be the main message behind Instapsycho, a Lifetime film that is designed to appeal to the fear of every mother who worries that her daughter is spending too much time online.  It takes place at a high school divided by social media.  Who do you follow?  Who do you listen to?  Who gets your likes and your retweets and your shares?  Is it Sasha (Kara Royster), who is rich and popular and who seems to have her entire life ahead of her?  Or is it Kelly (Makenzie Vega), who dresses in all black and has a sarcastic wit and who owns a #NoFilters t-shirt?

Me, I would probably follow Kelly because, when I was in high school, I used to dress in all black and I wrote a lot of emo poetry and I tended to toss out random quotes from books that I hadn’t read, all in an effort to make myself seem even smarter than I was.  That said, I don’t think that I would be totally supportive of some of the things that Kelly does to win more followers.

For instance, Kelly poisons her stepfather and then does a video about suicide awareness, one that goes viral and wins her a lot of new fans.  And it’s true that Kelly’s stepfather was a total perv who totally deserved to die but still, I don’t know if I would risk getting sent to prison for murder just to go viral.  I know a lot of people disagree with me on that but …. no, no murders for me.

Of course, Sasha remains a threat to Kelly.  “She’s using your own hashtag against you!” someone announces at one point.  Even after Kelly manages to get all the cheerleaders to do a special “You suck, Sasha” cheer during lunch, it still appears that Kelly might need to do something extra to hold onto her social media crown.  Fortunately, Kelly has plenty of other friends she could kill.

That’s bad news for Maddie (Laura Wiggins), who is Kelly’s best friend. Maddie’s a bit disturbed by Kelly’s new evil side but you have to do what you have to do….

As I said at the start of this review, InstaPsycho is specifically designed to appeal to mothers who, when they’re not watching Lifetime movies, are worrying about what their children are doing online.  This is a good example of a “Social Media is the Devil” type of film but it never descends into Reefer Madness territory, largely because social media actually is the devil.  Plus — and this is key — InstaPsycho actually has a sense of humor about itself.  It may be campy but it’s deliberately campy.

I loved Makenzie Vega’s devilish performance as Kelly.  She rips through the film like a tornado and it’s a lot of fun to watch.  In fact, despite the film’s warnings about what too much social media does to people, you actually kind of find yourself hoping the best for Kelly.  When she points out that her online life is the only thing that she basically has, she does have a point.  Though she may have taken things a bit too far by killing people, it’s hard not to have a little bit of sympathy for her.

InstaPsycho!  Watch it the next time you’re tempted to post or like something just for the clout.

Lifetime Film Review: Killer Competition (dir by Andrew Lawrence)

I was not valedictorian of my high school.

I’ve always thought that was a bit unfair, to be honest.  I mean, I was clearly the smartest person in my graduating class but my grades didn’t always reflect that.  Now, admittedly, I went through some stuff in the 9th and the 10th grades and basically, I was like a C student for those two years but that wasn’t really my fault.  I just wasn’t trying.  All of my teachers told me that I would be their top student if I would just do my homework and maybe study for a test or two.  My grades improved during my junior year of high school.  If it was an English or a history class, I never got anything less than an A.  I got A’s in all of my electives.  It was the math and the science classes that would drag me down.  I never cared about either subject and, to be honest, I probably would have never gotten a passing grade in any of my math classes if not for the fact that my sister was a year ahead of me and she saved all of her tests.  I’m not saying that cheating was the right thing to do but …. well, I guess I am saying that.  But anyway, my point is that it was a little but unfair to make me take all of those math and science classes because those just weren’t my thing and, if not for them and if my grades from the 9th and the 10th grade hadn’t been factored into the equation, I would have had a 4.0+ and I could have given the greatest graduation speech in history.

That said, I pretty much knew that I wasn’t going to be anywhere near the top ten of my high school graduating class and I was okay with that.  I wasn’t planning on going to an Ivy League school.  To be honest, for most of high school, I wasn’t even planning on going to college.  I was going to take a leap year or two and go to Europe.  (My mom compromised and allowed me to go to Europe for the summer on the condition that I go to college in the fall.)  For the most part, I think I had a pretty good attitude about things.

Unfortunately, the characters in Killer Competition do not have a similar attitude.  Nicole (Jacqueline Scislowski) is obsessed with becoming valedictorian so that she can get into her dream college.  Complicating things is that super smart Victor (Philip McElroy) has applied to the same school and apparently, only 300 students are accepted and it’s rare that the college ever accepts two students from the same high school.  If Nicole is going to go to a good college and end up with a crippling amount of debt, she’s going to have to prevent Victor from becoming valedictorian.  But how!?  Nicole’s friend Sarah (Cristine Prosperi) suggests that Nicole break into the school and substitute Victor’s A test paper with a B test paper.  It’s always good to have a friend like Sarah!  Anyway, needless to say, that is all leads to secrets, lies, and murder.  It’s a Lifetime film.

I really liked Killer Competition.  It embraces the melodrama and, most importantly, it seems to be in on the joke.  Killer Competition doesn’t waste any time going over the top as Nicole and Sarah somehow manage to pull off one of the most absurdly complicated schemes in the history of high school.  Cristine Prosperi, who you may recognize from Degrassi, has a lot of fun with the role of Sarah, playing her as a cheerful force of chaos and destruction.  Killer Competition is a lot of fun and definitely one to watch the next time you’re wondering how far you would go to get into Harvard or Yale.

Lifetime Film Review: Secrets In The Basement (dir by Stanley Rowe)

Secrets In The Basement brought to mind two old sayings.

Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.

If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Delilah (Melina Bartzokis) wants to live in a big, nice house that was designed by a famous architect and that’s exactly what happens when she and her husband, Shawn (Nick Cassidy), move into a  gigantic home that was designed by the famous Jay Christo.  The house is a smart house, which means that you can tell it what to do.  “House, lock the doors.”  “House, lower the temperature.”  “House, prepare breakfast.”  “House, play something by Saint Motel while I get ready for my day.”  “House, turn on the shower.”  You get the idea.

The only problem appears to be that the house doesn’t have a basement.  Delilah is really upset about living in a house without a basement.  Living in North Texas, I could not relate.  We don’t have basements around these parts and we’ve always done just fine without them.

Still, Delilah gets over her basement worries when she goes to a hardware store and just happens to run into Jay Christo (Micah McNeil)!  Does it make sense that a world famous architect would shop at a local hardware store?  Well, I guess he has to shop somewhere.  It’s obvious that he’s an artist because he wears a red suit.  Soon, Jay is hanging out with Delilah and telling her that it’s important to be the hammer and not the nail.

Despite Jay’s good advice, Delilah is still haunted by nightmares.  It also seems like there’s something strange happening in the house, almost as if someone is deliberately doing stuff just to make her think that she’s losing her mind.  Could it maybe be the mysterious masked man who is living in the basement that the house actually does have despite Delilah and Shawn being told that no such basement exists!?

Who is the masked man?  To be honest, there’s absolutely no suspense as to who the masked man is.  He has a tattoo on his wrist and another character has the exact same tattoo and there you go.  Seriously, shame on you if you can’t guess the identity of that masked man.

But why is the masked man trying to make Delilah think that she’s going crazy?  What is the deep, dark secret that haunts Delilah’s past?  Watch the film to find out, I guess.

Anyway, this film stayed true to my number one rule for Lifetime films.  No matter what else happens, the film must take place in a nice house.  And indeed, the house in Secrets in the Basement is impressive.  That said, I don’t think I could live in a smart house.  I would be way too worried about the house arguing with me about politics or something.  What if I accidentally got a smart house that thought it was smarter than it was?

That said, the house looked great and Melina Bartzokis did a good job playing up Delilah’s nervousness.  I think I would have liked the film a bit more if there had been a bit more suspense about who the masked man actually was.  His identity was way too obvious and his motivations were a bit predictable as well.  Still, if nothing else, this film made me glad that I don’t have a basement.

Lifetime Film Review: The Wrong Wedding Planner (dir by David DeCoteau)

“She was the wrong wedding planner!” says Detective Jones (Vivica A. Jones) in the Lifetime film, The Wrong Wedding Planner, and Detective Jones has a point!  Typically, a good wedding planner will put together a memorable wedding without trying to kill the bride.  I mean, I’m sure that there have been murderous but talented wedding planners in the past because, let’s face it, we all go a little bit crazy when it comes to planning the perfect wedding but, for the most part, the aim is for the bride to survive.

Of course, in her defense, Mandy (Kristin Booth) isn’t really a wedding planner.  Though she pretends to be one when she approaches Ashley (Yan-Kay Crystal Lowe), that’s just because Mandy is looking for an excuse to barge into Ashley’s life.  Ashley is engaged to Brad (Steve Richard Harris) and Brad used to be engaged to Mandy.  Needless to say, things did not end well between Brad and Mandy.  Now, Mandy is not only planning the perfect wedding but she’s also looking for revenge!

Will Mandy get her revenge and, more importantly, will Ashley get her perfect wedding?  That’s the question at the heart of The Wrong Wedding Planner.  To be honest, there’s been a lot of Lifetime films like this one and I’ve enjoyed every single one of them because they all deal with some universal truths.  Everyone wants a big and expensive wedding and everyone wants to live in a big and expensive house.  Seriously, Brad’s house is huge and wonderful and I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen it in a few other “Wrong” films as well.  Of course, as soon as Mandy gets into the house, the first thing she does is plant a bunch of hidden cameras so that she can spy on Brad and Ashley.  I probably would have done the same thing but not because I wanted to watch Brad and Ashley make love in the bedroom.  Instead, I would have just wanted to take in the fabulous job that Brad and Ashley did decorating the house.  I mean, seriously, they should be proud.

Mandy’s a bit crazy and Kristin Booth does a good job playing her.  The thing I like about Mandy was that she was totally unapologetic about trying to ruin everyone’s lives.  She didn’t waste any time trying to justify her behavior.  Instead, she just showed up like a wrecking ball and started destroying everything in her path.  She was a force of nature, as any wedding planner should be.

So, yes, Mandy may have been the wrong wedding planer but, in the end, I think she helped to bring Ashley and Brad closer together and she taught them an important lesson about why honesty is important in a relationship.  That’s not a bad accomplishment when you’re not even really a wedding planner.  When I get married, I only hope that my wedding planner is as dedicated to Mandy.  Hopefully, of course, she’ll also be a little bit less crazy than Mandy but then again, sometimes a little insanity is what you need to make your special day perfect.

Lifetime Film Review: The Wrong Stepfather (dir by David DeCoteau)

“He was the wrong stepfather!” Principal Higgins (Vivica A. Fox) announces towards the end of The Wrong Stepfather and she’s got a point.

Admittedly, Craig (Corin Nemec) might seem like a nice guy.  He’s a college guidance counselor who specializes in helping out single moms who are worried that their daughters might not be able to get into college.  Craig will do anything to help out.  He rewrite an admissions essay.  He’ll change grades.  He’ll do just about anything.  Craig is all about family and nothing brings a family together like someone getting into a good college.  Of course, sometimes might break the law or violate the code of ethics in his quest to get everyone into college but that’s just to make sure that no one ever snitches on him.  I mean, that makes sense, doesn’t it?  It’s all about family!

Unfortunately, Craig is so into family that it sometimes leads to him going a little bit crazy.  Yes, Craig is a bit unhinged.  Sarah (Sydney Malakeh) suspects as much as soon as she meets Craig but, unfortunately, Craig is dating her mom (Krista Allen) and everyone else seems to be crazy about him.  Everyone seems to believe that Craig will make the perfect stepfather!  Everyone except for Sarah that is.

The Wrong Stepfather is not only an entry in Lifetime’s Wrong series but it’s also basically a remake of the classic thriller, The Stepfather.  Corin Nemec steps into the shoes of Terry O’Quinn, playing the role of the friendly guy who has anger issues and is just a little bit too obsessed with creating the perfect family.  Nemec does a pretty good job with the role.  Nemec’s a naturally likable actor so any film that features him as a villain will automatically feel a bit subversive.  Nemec’s best scenes are the ones where he intimidates the high school guidance counselor, Mr. Crane (William McNamara).  Nemec and McNamara are two pros when it comes to handling Lifetime melodrama and it’s fun to watch them play off of each other.

As for the rest of the film, I enjoyed it.  You pretty much know that Craig is going to be bad news as soon as he shows up but that sense of familiarity is one of the things that makes a film like this fun.  You don’t necessarily watch a Lifetime film to be surprised.  Instead, you watch them with the knowledge that you will always be one step ahead of the other people in the film.  Sydney Malakeh and Krista Allen make for a believe mother-and-daughter team and it must be said that, for a family that’s apparently struggling financially, they live in a very nice house.  Never underestimate the importance of a nice house in a Lifetime film.  It’s one of the reasons why so many of us watch them!

Anyway, Craig may indeed be the wrong stepfather but he’s the right villain for this movie.  Watch it the next time you’re wondering how you’re ever going to be able to pay for college.  Maybe the wrong stepfather could help you out!

Lifetime Film Review: The Wrong House Sitter (dir by David DeCoteau)

Kirsten (Anna Marie Dobbins) is a professional house sitter who is looking for work.

Dan (Jason-Shane Scott) owns a house.

What could go wrong!?

Well, it turns out that quite a lot can go wrong.  Kirsten may be a house sitter and she may have a few good references and she even shows up with a contract for Dan to sign, which seems very professional, but that doesn’t mean that Kirsten is the right house sitter.  In fact, it turns out that she’s the wrong house sitter and that contract basically gives her the right to stay in the house for as long as she wants.  Dan’s a writer and really, he should have known better than to sign a contract without actually reading it but …. well, he was in a hurry that morning.

So anyway, Kirsten is now living in Dan’s house and telling everyone that she is Dan’s girlfriend, despite the fact that Dan has a girlfriend named Mary (Ciarra Carter).  (Dan also has an editor named Debbie, who is played by Vivica A. Fox.  It’s not a Lifetime “wrong” movie without Vivica A. Fox in a supporting role.)  Dan can either give up the house or he can stay in the house and hope that he finds a way to get Kirsten out of his life.

Really, Dan should have known better than to have hired Kirsten in the first place.  When they first met, it was in a bookstore and Kirsten was talking about how much she loved Atlas Shrugged.  Dan suggested that she check out The Fountainhead.  I’m a libertarian and even I know that its time to run whenever someone says that Atlas Shrugged is their favorite book.  Personally, I would have suggested that both he and Kirsten read Anthem, which gives you all the Ayn Rand you could want but which doesn’t require you to spend half a year reading it.

Regardless, Dan did hire Kirsten and now he’s stuck with her.  And Kirsten really, really wants to make things work with Dan.  In fact, she’s so determined to make things work that she’s willing to kill.  It’s a Lifetime movie, folks.  People are always willing to kill.

Anyway, our regular readers know that I like the “wrong” films, largely because they always seem to feature the nicest houses that one could hope to find in Canada.  Dan’s house is really nice and you can understand why he wouldn’t want to give it up.  The pool alone is worth a few murders.  I mean, I would have totally been up to house sit that particular home and I wouldn’t have been as dangerous about it either.  (Seriously, house sitting is a lot of fun!  You get to sleep in a stranger’s bed without having to worry about seeing them in the morning.)  Jason-Shane Scott has appeared in a few of these films and he brings his well-meaning charm to the role of Dan.  Anna Marie Dobbins is appropriately crazed as the house sitter and Vivica A. Fox, as always, does good work as the no-nonsense authority figure.

Watch it the next time you’re tempted to let a stranger live in your house for a week.