Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.2 “Zack’s War”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Zack goes to war!  Actually, now that I think about it, he really doesn’t.  This title makes no sense.

Episode 2.2 “Zack’s War”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 15th, 1990)

Bayside High School is now home to a Cadet Corps program.  Led by Lt. Chet Adams (Cylk Cozart), the Cadet Corps appears to be the same thing as the ROTC but it’s called the Cadet Corps and despite all of the attention that it receives here, it’s never mentioned again after this episode.

Slater’s dad is in the army so he can’t wait to join the Cadet Corps.  Zack jokes about never joining the Cadet Corps so Belding gives him 30 Saturday detentions …. unless, Zack joins the Cadet Corps and talks all of his friends into joining.  Soon, Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, Screech, Butch, and Louise are all members of the Cadet Corps.  That’s …. 8 people.  Wow, that’s a really weak turn-out.  Zack has a lot more friends than that!  Seriously, if only 8 people show up to one of my watch parties, I usually end up depressed for a week.

Anyway, you may notice some new names there.  Louise is the unathletic belle of the school nerds.  Butch is an apparently sociopathic bully who doesn’t want Screech talking to his girlfriend.  For this episode, I guess we’re just supposed to forget that Screech has always, in the past, been in love with Lisa.

The second day of Cadet Corps, Lt. Adams announces that it’s time for an athletic competition.  He allows Zack to pick the teams.  Zack puts Screech, Lisa, and Louise on one team.  The other team is made up of Butch, Kelly, and Jessie.  Zack says Slater can lead the team with Screech, Lisa, and Louise.  Lt. Adams says, “Nope,” and he puts Zack in charge of the unathletic team.

Zack gets mad at quits the Corps.  Luckily, Screech visits Zack and shames him.  (Zack should consider himself lucky that Screech didn’t pull a knife.)  Zack rejoins the Corps and leads his team to victory, somehow!

That’s the short version of this dumb episode.  This is another one of those weird episodes where an authority figure — in this case, Lt. Adams — tells Zack that, if he wins an arbitrary competition, he’ll be allowed to skip class for the rest of the year.  Zack wins the competition but, when Adams says he won’t be seeing Zack anymore, Zack replies, “Why?  Are you quitting?”  No, Zack, you prick — you’re quitting!  Except Zack doesn’t quit for some reason.  He’s proud to be in the Cadet Corps.

Needless to say, the Cadet Corps are never mentioned again.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.2 “The Lisa Card”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, an important lesson is learned about credit cards.

Episode 1.2 “The Lisa Card”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on August 28th, 1989)

Lisa’s father (Henry Brown) has given her his credit card and Lisa has charged way too much money on it!  Now, she has to figure out how to raise the money to pay it off before he finds out.

I could relate to this episode.  When I got my first credit card, I went crazy charging stuff to it.  I’m still probably a little bit too quick to reach for it.  To be honest, it wouldn’t be until I was 25 that I really came to understand that someone actually has to pay all that money back.  I knew what Lisa was going through but I was still surprised at how all of her friends immediately came to her aid.  What selfless friends!  I can honestly say that, if a friend of mine needed that much money, I would probably not give it to them.  Lisa got a job at the Max but Slater, Zach, Kelly, Jessie, and Screech ended up doing most of the work and they all did it for free.  Maybe if they had all gotten a job at the Max (as opposed to just volunteering to help) they could have combined their paychecks and paid off that credit card.  Zach also sells all of Lisa’s clothing, holding a sale in the middle of the school hallways.  (“Closing them!” Zach shouts whenever Belding is nearby.)  “Who wants this lingerie?” Zach asks.  Screech pledges his life savings.  Ummm, Lisa is like fourteen and Screech appears to be considerably younger.  That’s kind of icky….

This episode was …. well, I was going to say it was dumb but every episode of Saved By The Bell is dumb.  That said, it was dumb in a fun way.  Lark Voorhees was always underused on Good Morning Miss Bliss but she really goes all out with this episode.  Her nervous twitching when she learned all of her clothes had been given to charity (for free!) was something else to which I could relate.

In the end, Lisa’s father forgives her and Lisa gets upset because he’s not angrier.  What?  Lisa, you got away with it!  Be happy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.1 “Dancing To The Max”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

Good Morning Miss Bliss failed where it aired on the Disney Channel but Brandon Tartikoff, president of NBC, felt that the show still had a potential future on NBC.  Specifically, Tartikoff felt the kids — Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Dustin Diamond, and lark Voorhees — and Dennis Haskins were the ones worth keeping around.  As such, Hayley Mills was let go.  Max Battimo and Heather Hopper were dropped from the cast.  The show was retconned from taking place in Indiana to taking place in California.  The show itself was retitled Saved By The Bell….

Episode 1.1 “Dancing To The Max”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on August 20th, 1989)

This is it.  This is the first episode of Saved By The Bell, the network morning show that would go on to dominate syndication for 20 years.  That’s the thing about Saved By The Bell.  It’s not necessary to have been anywhere close to being a teenager when this show began.  It’s not necessary to have watched the shows when they originally aired.  If you grew up in the 90s or the aughts, you knew Saved By The Bell.  It was one of those shows that always seemed like it was airing somewhere.  Even as recently as two years ago, it was airing on MeTV and there were frequent marathons on E!  Today, it’s on Prime and Tubi.  That’s not bad for a show that, if we’re to be absolutely honest, really wasn’t that good.

The first episode — which actually premiered in prime time before the show subsequently moved to its Saturday morning time slot — sets up the show.  Zach Morris (I know that some people claim that it’s spelled Zack but I’ve always gone with Zach), Screen Powers, Lisa Turtle, and Mr. Belding have all been resecured from the Indiana Hell of Good Morning, Miss Bliss.  Now, they all live in California and they all attend Bayside High School.  They hang out at the Max, a tacky restaurant owned by a tacky magician named Max (Ed Alonzo).

Joining the ensemble are Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley), Kelly Kapwoski (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen), and AC Slater (Mario Lopez).  Both Slater and Zach have a crush on Kelly.  Screech likes Lisa.  A dance contest is approaching, one that is hosted by Casey Kasem.  (All the teenagers on the show go crazy over someone who, realistically, most of them had probably never heard of.  Max imitates Casey Kasem saying his name twice.)  Screech wants to ask Lisa to be his partner but Lisa’s already been asked by someone else.  Kelly can’t choose between Zach and Slater so they agree to have a dance-0ff.  Uh-oh, Zach can’t dance!  Maybe his childhood friend Jessie will teach him….

Jessie doesn’t have a date because she’s tall.  When she tells Kelly and Lisa about being insecure about her height, they joke that she could become a basketball player.  This gets a big laugh and I assume this episode aired before the WNBA was a thing.  Eventually, Zach tells Kelly to enter the contest with Slater because he’s going with his best friend, Jessie.  Meanwhile, Lisa sprains her ankle, get dumped by her partner, and ends up entering the contest with Screech.

It’s interesting to watch the character dynamics in this first episode.  Jessie is not the straw feminist she would later become.  Slater is a jock but still sensitive enough to comfort Screech.  Kelly is actually portrayed as being somewhat shallow.  Watching this episode, one gets the feeling that Zach and Jessie were originally meant to be the show’s main couple until someone decided that Zach and Kelly had better chemistry and that Jessie’s feminism and Slater’s chauvinism would make for an interesting combination.  Lisa doesn’t like Screech but she doesn’t quite hate him as much she would in later episodes.  Even more importantly, Zach is nowhere near as cocky as he would be in later episodes.  He’s actually insecure about something.

As for the dance contest, Lisa and Screen dance “The Sprain” and they win, largely due to Slater and Zach bullying everyone into voting for them.  “C’mon,” Casey Kasem announces, “let’s all do …. THE SPRAIN!”  Everyone starts hopping on one foot and, at home, I cringe like you wouldn’t believe.

God, this was a stupid episode.  And yet …. it was very likable.  The young cast had a lot of talent.  In this episode, even Dustin Diamond’s Screech is tolerable.  I cringed at the extremely cheesy dance contest but I also smiled.  I guess that’s the power of nostalgia.  Sometimes, even the really bad things make you feel good when you rewatch them.