Greg Callahan – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, Lawrence Taylor returns!

Episode 5.7 “Blood Money”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 22nd, 1989)

Last season, Tombstone Packer (Lawrence Taylor) was introduced as a cocky linebacker from Arizona who bragged about how he was going to injure the Bulls’s quarterback. At the start of this week’s episode, it revealed that Tombstone is now playing for the Bulls but he’s still up to his old tricks. He leads the league in sacks and interceptions and he’s known for injuring quarterbacks.

Why is he injuring quarterbacks? It turns out that Michael Westwood is paying the linebackers bonuses for injuring players. However, when Westwood tries to shortchange Tombstone because he didn’t take out Texas’s quarterback until the final play of the game, Tombstone gets angry. He goes to the bar and complains to another drinker about not getting his money. That other drinker is McCarthy (Fredric Cook), a formerly great journalist who is now an alcoholic and desperate for either money or a story. He secretly records his conversation with Tombstone.

The next day, McCarthy shows up in the office of TD Parker (OJ Simpson). He tells TD that he’s going to release the story about Tombstone getting paid to injure quarterbacks unless the Bulls pay him $100,000. TD says that he needs time to talk to Westwood and Kristy before agreeing to pay that much money. McCarthy gives him three hours.

However, McCarthy also sends the details about the story to “The Sports Page.” Rumors starts to circulate. TD and Kristy go on a sports show and deny that anyone is getting paid an injury bonus. Meanwhile, Westwood confronts McCarthy and pays him $25,000 for the incriminating tape.

Without the tape, the story is dead. During the next game, Tombstone injures another quarterback and smiles about it.

Wow, what a dark episode. That said, it perhaps would have been more effective if Lawrence Taylor was capable of delivering his lines without looking straight at the camera. As I mentioned back when I was reviewing Hang Time, it’s always easy to tell when a professional athlete has been cast on a show because he inevitably ends up giving the worst performance. Taylor was a professional football player. If being a bad actor makes you a good athlete, then Taylor must have been one of the best on the field.

Actually, it’s not just Lawrence Taylor who gives a bad performance in this episode. Fredric Cook isn’t particularly effective as the drunken McCarthy. As for OJ Simpson, he delivers his lines with the bland, forced earnestness that epitomized his career as an actor. He talks a lot and you don’t believe a word he says.

This episode probably plays a bit different today than it did in 1989. Today, we know enough about concussions that it’s a bit disturbing to see Tombstone laughing about giving one to a quarterback. OJ says that the Bulls play “rough” but they also play “clean.” I have no idea what that means.

This week, OJ has some wisdom to share.

Episode 3.8 “The Brink of Death”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on November 4th, 1987)

There’s a lot happening in this week’s episode.

For instance, Bubba and Jethro now own the bar where all of the Bulls hang out. To be honest, I thought they always owned the bar but apparently, they didn’t. As I’ve said a few times in the past, the way these episodes were edited for syndication occasionally makes it a bit difficult to actually follow the storyline.

Wide receiver Billy Cooper (Michael Toland) was kidnapped by Stuart (Richard Tanner), the nerdy guy whose girlfriend Billy stole. Stuart wrapped up Billy in a straight jacket, forced him to wear a “Dumb Jock” label on his forehead, and then filmed him screaming in fear of a bunch of fire ants. Billy’s girlfriend dumped him because Stuart was “more interesting.”

But the main plotline dealt with Dr. Death, the defensive player who was played by Donald Gibbs. While playing against Oakland, many of the Bulls were tackled by Joe “The Terminator” Morgan (Andre Newman), a notoriously dirty player. Dr. Death decided to get revenge by tackling Joe Morgan during a kick return, even though Joe had signaled for something called a fair catch. (I guess that meant that no one was supposed to touch Joe.) Joe Morgan ended up in the hospital. The owner of the Oakland team pressured Joe to press assault charges against Dr. Death, who was already feeling guilty about injuring Joe as severely as he did.

It was up to O.J. Simpson to talk some sense into Joe Morgan. O.J. went to the hospital and told Joe that football was all about getting injured. O.J. asked Joe if this was the way he wanted to go out.