Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.18 “Thicker Than Water”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the Pumpkin Man strikes!  It’s even dumber than it sounds.

Episode 4.18 “Thicker Than Water”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on March 21st, 1999)

A mob lawyer and his wife have been murdered, and for some reason the bicycle patrol is investigating the case instead of Homicide. When it becomes apparent that the lawyer’s son, Andy Jr. (Scotty Cox), has disappeared, Cory makes it her mission to track him down. This is yet another episode where Cory is willing to do whatever it takes to solve the case. Of course, in Cory’s case, that usually means walking around and glaring at people.

Cory discovers that Andy Jr. is with his real mother, a stripper named Angela (Angela Marsden). Angela was the dead lawyer’s mistress. When Cory tracks down Angela, she learns that Andy doesn’t know his father is dead, but he does know that “the Pumpkin Man” came to the house. Meanwhile, the FBI sends over an agent who is big and bald… JUST LIKE THE LEAD SINGER OF SMASHING PUMPKINS!

You may think that I’m making this up, but no, it’s very, very true. Andy calls the killer the Pumpkin Man because he thinks the killer looks like Billy Corgan. When he sees the FBI agent, Andy shouts, “The Pumpkin Man! SMASHING PUMPKINS!”

Because Cory is currently in hiding with Angela, the bicycle patrol decides to go undercover. Monica gets a job dancing at the strip club. Well, of course she does. Whenever T.C. says that someone is going undercover, that means Monica is going to be looking for clues while undressed. One of the more annoying things about this season is that Monica always does a good job while she’s undercover, but no one ever gives her any credit for it. Instead, the other members of the bike patrol just roll their eyes and give an exasperated sigh whenever Monica says something. If they have a problem with Monica constantly flirting with all of the bad guys, they might want to talk to T.C., since he’s the one who keeps assigning her to do it.

This episode was dumb even by Pacific Blue standards. I already mentioned that it makes no sense for a bunch of uniformed bicycle cops to be investigating a high-profile murder. It also doesn’t really make any sense for a bike cop to go undercover at a strip club. I mean, isn’t that what Vice is for? There’s also a moment where T.C. tells off the FBI for trying to interfere with the investigation. I think the FBI ranks higher than the bike patrol. Finally, the kid playing young Andy was an absolutely lousy actor, and that crooked FBI agent may have been bald, but he still didn’t look that much like Billy Corgan.

Someday I’m going to run out of Pacific Blue episodes to review. It can’t come soon enough.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.4 “The Last Dance”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This is the episode that has traumatized thousands of viewers.

(I should note that the IMDb and Wikipedia list this as being this first episode of season 3.  Amazon, Tubi, and just about every other streaming site that I’ve seen lists it as being 3.4.  In order to keep things simple and to not trigger my ADD, I’m following what the streaming sites say.)

Episode 3.4 “The Last Dance”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired September 14th, 1991)

Where were you the first time you watched Kelly break up with Zack?

This is the episode. Kelly applies for a waitressing job at The Max and is hired by the new manager, handsome college guy Jeff (Patrick Muldoon). Zack is excited because Kelly will be able to afford a costume for Bayside’s costume dance. Plus, Zack Attack is going to perform. Zack is looking forward to being named king of the dance with Kelly as his queen. Kelly is feeling guilty because she has a huge crush on Jeff. While they’re dancing, she accidentally calls him “Jeff.” Everyone remembers Zack and Kelly talking outside the school, Kelly crying as she asks if they can still be friends.

In my experience, most people blame Jeff for breaking up Zack and Kelly. Jeff is actually pretty sympathetic in this episode and the next. Yes, he kisses and then dates Kelly while also being her boss. That’s a problem. But he doesn’t set out to break them up. For most of this episode he’s polite and professional. Zack, meanwhile, is possessive and fairly immature. When Kelly says she has to get a job because her family is poor, Zack acts as if she’s suddenly speaking a foreign language. Kelly is worried about helping her family. Zack is worried about the school dance. On top of that, he’s the one who decides they should go as Romeo and Juliet, and he doesn’t even help her pay for the costume.

Then there’s Jeff. Yes, he will eventually cheat on Kelly and try to convince her it’s no big deal. That’s later. In this episode he really does seem like a catch. He’s older, but not so much older that it would be a real issue. He’s responsible enough to manage The Max even though he hasn’t graduated from college. Like Kelly, he actually has to work for a living. He stands up for her when customers are rude. He goes out of his way to accommodate her so she can go to the dance. And, on top of all that, he looks like Patrick Muldoon.

I don’t blame Kelly for dumping Zack at all. You can date a hot guy who will stand up for you, or you can date the cute guy who still spends all his spare time with Screech. Who are you going to pick? Be honest.

It’s still hard to watch them break up. Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s most serious SBTB relationship was reportedly with Lark Voorhies, but he and Tiffani Thiessen did date at one point, and there does seem to be genuine emotion in that scene outside the high school. This is one of those rare SBTB moments that actually feels real. The emotions feel earned. I support Kelly’s decision, but if this episode traumatized you, I understand why.

The breakup is such a big deal that it’s easy to overlook that this episode also introduced Zack Attack. It always cracks me up when Zack says the band will play for free and everyone acts so excited. It’s a school dance, and Zack has basically decided all of his friends are working for nothing that night. When Slater steps out from behind the drum set and duets with Jessie, he’s replaced on drums by Ollie, the nerd with the froggy voice. It’s a shame Ollie wasn’t included in the rockumentary.

Well, Zack is single again. How will he handle it? We’ll find out next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.17 “Scarlet Rose”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops investigate a 50 year-old cold case.

Episode 4.17 “Scarlet Rose”

(Dir by Paul Brown, originally aired on March 7th, 1999)

In the 1940s, Santa Monica was shaken by the brutal murder of an actress nicknamed the Scarlet Rose. Her ghost is said to haunt the ballroom where she used to dance and where it’s believed she met her still-unknown murderer. Now, after nearly 50 years, the ballroom is reopening as the Scarlet Rose Ballroom.

Bobby Cruz, who has long been haunted by the stories about the Scarlet Rose, attends the grand opening, where everyone is dressed like it’s the 1940s and swing dancing. When he meets Lily (LuAnne Ponce), he’s stunned because she looks just like the Scarlet Rose. Lily explains that she is Scarlet’s granddaughter and that she’s looking not only for the truth about who killed her grandmother, but also for what happened to a valuable necklace Scarlet owned.

Bobby suspects that Walter (William Schallert), an older man who hangs around the club, might have had something to do with Scarlet’s murder. He also suspects that it might somehow be linked to a recent robbery at a jewelry store. He takes his suspicions to T.C.

“We are going undercover!” T.C. announces.

Yes, this is yet another episode in which the members of Pacific Blue go undercover. These episodes never make sense to me, because the members of Pacific Blue are bicycle cops. They’re not detectives. They’re not trained to go undercover. They’re trained to ride around on their bikes, hand out traffic tickets, and secure crime scenes until the real detectives can show up.

In this episode, going undercover means that Monica gets a job singing at the club while Cory and Jamie hang out at the bar and glare at everyone like the two biggest killjoys in existence. It isn’t just that it doesn’t make any sense for these people to be working undercover. It’s also that none of them are particularly good at it. Cory and Jamie may be dressed up like 1940s femme fatales, but they still give off an immediate cop vibe.

For the record, the case of the Scarlet Rose is solved. It turns out that she was murdered by an associate of Los Angeles gangster Mickey Cohen. Considering that Cohen was a real person, it feels a little unfair to pin a fictional murder on him, but I guess Pacific Blue felt that, since he wasn’t around to complain, it wouldn’t be a problem.

(The Scarlet Rose was clearly based on the Black Dahlia murder case. It seems like every few years, someone publishes a book claiming to have solved the Black Dahlia case. Former LAPD detective Steve Hodel built an entire literary career out of accusing his late father of being responsible for the Dahlia’s murder and practically every other unsolved murder in California.)

A few positive things can be said about this episode. The 1940s-style costumes were to die for. The real-life band Jumpin’ Jimes provided the episode with a great soundtrack, and the swing dance scenes were nicely choreographed. The Scarlet Rose Ballroom looked like a fun place to hang out. Not even the dour presence of Cory and Jamie could suck the fun out of that place. Finally, old pro William Schallert gave a good performance as a potential suspect who wasn’t entirely what he seemed to be.

In other words, this was actually a pretty good episode of Pacific Blue. I’ll never understand why the bicycle cops were investigating a 50-year-old cold case, but whatever. It was still an entertaining episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.3 “The Glee Club”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the gang joins the Glee Club!

Episode 3.3 “The Glee Club”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 23rd, 1990)

When Zack learns that the winners of a nationwide glee competition will get a trip to Hawaii, he demands that all of his friends join the Bayside Glee Club. The only problem is that Jessie is the only one who can sing, and she refuses to take off her face mask because she thinks she’ll catch COVID Lisa’s cold.

Luckily, Screech’s girlfriend Violet (Tori Spelling) can sing, but she can only do it if Screech is present and supporting her. After Screech acts like an idiot meeting her parents (he mentions that Violet’s mother looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger), Violet is told she’s no longer allowed to spend time around him. Violet will have to quit the Glee Club. Good thing Jessie can sing! Oh no! Jessie took off her face mask and caught Lisa’s cold.

This episode firmly established that Zack is not only a liar but a terrible liar, one who succeeds only because of the exaggerated stupidity of everyone around him. When Mr. Belding demands that Mr. Tuttle whip the Glee Club into shape, Zack’s solution is to tape another glee club’s performance and have Bayside lip-sync to it. Somehow, neither Belding nor Tuttle notices. Later, when the Glee Club performs at the competition, Zack plays the tape again. This time it gets screwed up. At first everyone is singing too fast, then too slow. “That was our impression of a glee club tuning up!” Zack says, and everyone buys it. You can call Zack’s behavior borderline sociopathic and you’ll have a point. But seriously: how dumb is every adult in Zack’s life?

Violet does eventually sing. Screech steps up to support her when she falters. Bayside wins the competition, even though they really should have been disqualified for all of that “tuning up” nonsense. Violet’s parents are so impressed by Screech’s support that they decide he can date their daughter. If I remember correctly, Violet disappeared after one more episode.

This episode does have one truly funny moment. When Jessie says she caught Lisa’s cold, everyone glares at Lisa. “Sorry,” Lisa says, in a tone that suggests she’s not that sorry. Lark Voorhies delivers the line perfectly. Otherwise the episode suffers because it revolves around two of the worst actors to ever grace the halls of Bayside. Any episode that features Screech’s love life is destined for cringe.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.16 “Juvies”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Pacific Blue embraces the melodrama.

Episode 4.16 “Juvies”

(Dir by Jim Davidson, originally aired on February 28th, 1999)

Crazed narcotics officer Perry Marcus (Roger Floyd) is back!

This time, he’s forcing a group of juvenile delinquents to set up the most dangerous drug dealers on the beach. After Adrian (David Scott Lago) and Maurice (a very young Aldis Hodge) convince a dealer to step out of his limo, Marcus guns the man down and then has Maurice plant a gun. Marcus loves to kill drug dealers, but he’s also willing to kill cops who object to his methods.

Jamie is shocked to see her little sister, Jennie (Crystal Celeste Grant), running with Adrian’s gang. Jennie hasn’t seen Jamie since they were in the foster care system together and Jamie shot their abusive stepfather. Jamie wants to save Jennie from the gang life, but she also has to deal with Internal Affairs officer Susan Jessup (Holly Gagnier). Jessup, an insane nymphomaniac who used to date T.C., threatens to reveal that Jamie shot her stepfather unless Jamie helps her build a corruption case against Chris Kelly. Jessup is still in love with T.C. and wants to get his wife in trouble. Jessup is also sleeping with Perry Marcus and warns him that Jamie is threatening to expose all of his extralegal methods.

Got all that?

This episode of Pacific Blue made even less sense than usual, but it was entertaining because Roger Floyd and Holly Gagnier both went totally over the top in their performances. They understood the assignment and left not a single piece of scenery unchewed. While the regular cast is busy trying to look tough while wearing bicycle shorts, Floyd and Gagnier are totally embracing the melodrama, and it’s exactly the approach that this silly episode needed. The end of the episode suggests that Marcus and Susan are going to be recurring villains. I certainly hope so!

One final note: keep an eye out for Greg Grunberg, who shows up as the lawyer who gets the juvie gang out of jail.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.2


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Belding takes his job too seriously.

Episode 3.2 “Breaking Up is Hard To Undo”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 16th, 1990)

Slater and Jessie make it official!  They’re now a couple.  Slater wants to celebrate by going to a football game.  Jessie wants to celebrate by going to the ballet.  Suddenly, Slater and Jessie are no longer a couple.

Zack is looking forward to celebrating his anniversary with Kelly.  However, Kelly is planning on having dinner with her ex-boyfriend, Todd.  Todd is rich and “looks like Mel Gibson.”  Zack forbids Kelly to see Todd.  Kelly and Zack break up.

When a student council meeting falls apart due to Jessie and Kelly’s attempts to defund the football team and start a dance department at the school, Mr. Belding ends up breaking his gavel.  (“I broke my gavel” is the funniest line in the episode but nobody laughs.)  When Mr. Belding and his wife get into an argument over her mother-in-law staying with the Beldings and Mr. Belding ends up getting kicked out of his house, Mr. Belding decides to hang out with Zack, Slater, and Screech.  Zack comes home and discovers Belding hanging out in his bedroom….

Uhmm, what?

This is a weird episode.  The break-ups are one thing.  I could believe that part of the episode.  But why are Zack’s parents allowing his principal to live in Zack’s bedroom?  In the real world, principals and teachers get fired and worse for that sort of thing.  Seeing as how this episode also features a moment in which Zack stops time so that he can order some flowers for Mr. Belding “from Mrs. Belding,” I’m going to assume that this is a dream episode.

The dream comes to a conclusion at the Max, in which Slater and Zack before demonstrate how they should have reacted to Jessie and Kelly.  Slater announces that doesn’t care about football, strips down to a skintight leotard, and dances around the Max with Lisa (who is wearing a Jessie wig).  Screech then dressed up like a cheerleader so Zack can tell Screech that he trusts him and it’s okay if Screech wants to have dinner with Todd.

This was a weird episode.  Slater dancing was a great moment but Mr. Belding moving in with Zack asked for a little too much suspension of disbelief, even by the standards of Saved By The Bell.  Couldn’t Mr. Belding have moved in with Rod instead?

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.15 “Stargazer”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Pacific Blue is all about the guest stars,

Episode 4.15 “Stargazer”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on January 24th, 1999)

When he was younger, Johnny Osiris (Danny Bonaduce) was a teen idol and the star of Stargazer,  a show about a singing family that lived in outer space.  As an adult, Johnny is a drug addict and an alcoholic who can’t pay his rent and who eventually turns to robbing stores and pharmacies.  It’s difficult to be a criminal when everyone immediately recognizes you.  However, when both he and Steve Gugliermo (Noah Blake) try to rob the same pharmacy at the same time, they decide to team up.  Of course, Steve is hardened master criminal while Johnny is still an amateur.

This was a bit of a melancholy episode.  Chris and Cory can’t say Johnny’s name without screaming but they’re still trying to put him in jail.  The younger cops don’t have the slightest idea who Johnny was.  As for Johnny, his criminal career makes him a celebrity again but the episode still ends with him heading off for prison.  Along with Bonaduce, the episode features Susan Olsen as Johnny’s sister, Erik Estrada as Johnny’s lawyer, and Adam West as Johnny’s father.  The entire thing is full of actors who probably never thought they would someday be appearing on a show about cops who rode bikes.  The whole thing feels sad.

This episode also firmly establishes that Cory and Bobby are now a couple and that everyone pretty much knows about it.  Hey, Victor’s dead so I guess Cory might as well move on.  Still, some of the scenes of Bobby and Cory making out generated some heat.  They’re a good couple so hopefully, the show won’t screw things up.

This episode also featured a discussion of sex-ceptions, i.e. celebrities that you’re allowed to fool around with even if you’re already in a relationship.  For Chris, her sex-ception was Johnny Osiris, though it never actually came down to that.  For Cory, it was Mel Gibson.  Granger selected Winona Ryder, Bobby went with Salma Hayek, and Jamie said Denzel Washington.  Myself, I have to wonder why they assumed Salma Hayek or Denzel Washington would have anything to do with a Santa Monica bicycle cop.

Anyway, this is kind of a depressing episode.  Johnny was a star but then his entire life fell apart when he wasn’t.  He made a few bad decisions and he never recovered.  He should have auditioned for Baywatch.  Live and learn.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.1 “The Fabolous Belding Boys”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Rod Belding comes to Bayside.

Episode 3.1 “The Fabolous Belding Boys”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 9th, 1990)

“You’re jealous of your own brother!” Zack snaps at Mr. Belding in this episode and you really do have to wonder how Zack was always able to get away with using that tone of voice with his principal.  Most students would end up getting expelled if they talked to any adult that way.

Mr. Belding really goes through the ringer this episode.  After the authoritarian history teacher has a nervous breakdown, Belding reluctantly allows his younger brother, long-haired Rod (Edward Blatchford), to teach the class.  Soon, Rod is throwing away the midterm exam and allowing the students to pick their own grades.  (Screech gives himself a B-.)  Rod also convinces the students — well, a small handful of them — that the next class trip should involve white water rafting instead of going to Yosemite like his brother suggested.

That Rod is one cool guy until he decides, at literally the last minute, to blow off the rafting trip so he can hang out with a stewardess.  “Cover f0r me!” Rod tells Mr. Belding.  “Get out of my school, Rod,” Belding says, not knowing that Zack has overheard the entire converastation.

Mr. Belding does cover for his brother by claiming that Rod has the flu but he also volunteers to take his brother’s place on the rafting trip.  Now, it’s already been established that Mr. Belding has no experience with white water rafting and apparently, he can’t even swim.  So, there’s a  good chance that the senior class is going to lose a few members over the weekend.  But for now, all that matters is that the school trip is back on.

Zack apologizes to Mr. Belding.

“Rod is the more exciting Belding,” Mr. Belding admits.

“We got the better Belding,” Zack replies.

Awwwww!

This is definitely one of the best episodes of Saved By The Bell.  For once, Belding gets to be something other than a fool and Zack is forced to admit that he was wrong wrong.  Dennis Haskins shines in this episode and, for that matter, so does Edward Blatchford as Rod.

As I watched this episode, I was reminded of that episode of Good Morning Miss Bliss in which Bliss’s mentor was hired as a substitute and did a lot of the same crap that Rod did.  On Good Morning Miss Bliss, the substitute was portrayed as being a hero.  On Saved By The Bell, he’s a self-absorbed creep.  The Saved By The Bell version is the better version.

It’s the better Belding.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.14 “Inferno”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Bobby goes undercover!

Episode 4.14 “Inferno”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on January 17th, 1999)

TC is on vacation but, before he leaves, he tasks Cory with discovering who is selling heroin at a trendy nightclub.  To be honest, that sounds like a job for the Narcotics Squad but whatever.  Cory tasks Bobby and Monica with going undercover.  Monica starts to hang out at the club.  Bobby gets a job as a bouncer.  It’s amazing how the same two cops can somehow both patrol the same small stretch of land and also continually work undercover without anyone ever recognizing them.  Their presence at the club still doesn’t prevent a rock star from overdosing or an actor from later shooting himself in front of Monica.

Meanwhile, Cory and Amy ride their stupid bikes around Santa Monica and harass drug addicts.   Amy catches one addict and says that he hasn’t been looking too good lately.  Amy has only been a member of the bike patrol for a few months so why is she acting like she’s been on this show for years?  As silly as the undercover work is, Pacific Blue is still at its most ludicrous when it tries to make the bike cops look like a bunch of badasses,

Bobby’s ex-girlfriend, Rita (Heather Marie Marsden), turns up singing at the club.  Despite Monica warning that Bobby is making a mistake, he allows himself to fall for Rita again despite the fact that Rita is now dating club owner Gary Fein (Scott Paetty), the man who is suspected of being Santa Monica’s biggest heroin dealer.  Of course, it turns out that Rita is the drug dealer.  Eventually, Bobby has to kill his ex-girlfriend to keep her from shooting his fellow bike cops.  Bobby is almost as upset about that as Slater was over losing his salamander.

The episode ends with a Cory/Bobby conversation.  Cory asks if Bobby was in love with Rita and Bobby admits that he had feelings for her.  The scene suggests that Cory and Bobby are secretly a couple.  If I was Cory, I would be hesitant about dating someone who killed his last girlfriend.

TC returns and tells Cory that she did a good job running the department.  Cory thanks him and then looks sad as the episode ends.  If she really felt that way about Bobby, why did she send him undercover in the first place?  Why not send in Granger?  Actually, is Granger still a character on this show?  I haven’t seen him in a while.

This is a dumb show.  You already knew that.  This episode served as a reminder that, along with being dumb, no one on this show is particularly good at their job.  Bobby goes undercover and allows his emotions to get the better of him …. again!  Monica goes undercover and actually does a good job but Cory won’t acknowledge it because she hates Monica …. still!  Amy rides around on her bicycle and harasses people like a corrupt deputy in a drive-in movie.  The fact that everyone is on bicycles just makes everything all the more ridiculous.

Santa Monica, you deserve better!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.13 “From Nurse To Worse”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Kelly wants to go steady but Zack’s fallen in love with the new school nurse.

Episode 2.13 “From Nurse To Worse”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 15th, 1990)

Zack has asked Kelly to go steady but, when Kelly finally tells him that the answer is yes, Zack smiles stupidly and says, “That’s great, what was the question?” before wandering off.  Zack has met the new school nurse, Nurse Jennifer (Nancy Valen), and is so busy imagining a future with her that he’s totally forgotten about the fact that he’s supposedly been in love with Kelly for years.

When people talk about Zack Morris being “trash,” this is the type of episode that they’re thinking about.  Zack treats Kelly horribly, all because he’s convinced that new school nurse is going to risk her job by dating a 10th grader.  Of course, Nurse Jennifer doesn’t help by telling him that he’s cute.  When Jennifer finds out about Zack and Kelly, she helps Kelly out by pretending to be crazy.  It perhaps would have been simpler for Jennifer to just tell Zack that it would have been illegal for her to have dated him but then we wouldn’t have gotten the sight of Jennifer pretending to be terrible at her job.

As was typical of Saved By The Bell, Slater’s B-story was actually more interesting than all of Zack’s nonsense.  It’s time for everyone’s flu shot and Slater is scared of needles.  Mario Lopez always did a good job of portraying Slater’s insecurities and there’s something rather endearing about the look of terror on his face when he’s called to the nurse’s office for his shot.

For those of us who are into continuity, this episode was a weird one.  Not only did the new nurse do a lot of stuff that didn’t make sense but the episode itself seems to ignore everything that has happened in Zack and Kelly’s relationship over the past few episodes.  Suddenly, Kelly and Zack are back to dating whether or not to be an exclusive couple.  I thought that had been settled a while ago.  Judging by the episode’s production code, this episode was originally meant to be the second of the season and would have aired right after The Prom episodes.  For whatever reason reason, NBC didn’t air it until late in the season, when it no longer made sense.

Technically, this is the end of season 2.  Whether or not that means anything is debatable because apparently, way back in 1990, season 3 started the very next week.  With Saved By The Bell, one gets the feeling that these things were decided at random.  Well, no matter!  Next week, we’ve got season 3 and The Fabolous Belding Boys!