Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.5 “House Party”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Screech’s parents are gone.  It’s time to party like Elvis!

Episode 2.5 “House Party”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 6th, 1990)

Mrs. Powers (Ruth Buzzi) and her husband go to Graceland for their anniversary, leaving Screech alone for a few days.  It’s time to have the boys over so that they can lip-sync to the Beach Boys!  Unfortunately, when the girls come over to laugh at the boys, a bust of Elvis is shattered.  It’ll cost $250 to replace!  Despite the fact that all of the main characters — with the exception of Kelly and Slater — come from wealthy families, everyone claims to not have any money.  You know who does have money?  Max Nerdstrom (Jeff Asch)!  Max also has a girlfriend named Violet (Tori Spelling), who has a crush on Screech.  (Or Samuel, as she calls him.)

This is an important episode in the history of Saved By The Bell, in that it not only introduces us to Violet Bickerstaff but it also establishes that Tori Spelling was bad actress even before she was cast on 90210.  (If anything, Spelling is actually better-cast as Violet than as Donna Martin because Violet was at least supposed to be awkward and cringey.)  This episode also introduced us to Max Nerdstrom, a great character who only appeared once but who should have been a regular member of the cast.  That said, it’s also obvious that the only reason this episode was made was so Slater, Screech, and Zack could do the Barbara Ann scene.  It’s all pretty obviously ripped off from Risky Business, just without the prostitutes and Tangerine Dream soundtrack.

How to raise the money to replace the statue?  Zack challenged Max to a poker game and ends up losing not only another $250 but also the Powers family dog.  If Zack had $250 to lose in a poker game, how come he didn’t have it to buy a new Elvis?  Seriously, don’t try to follow Bayside logic.  Jessie has to go on a date with Max in order to get the dog bac and Zack throws a party to raise money for the new statue.  Mrs. Powers arrives home early and announces that she told Screech that he wasn’t allowed to throw any parties.  Zack announces that it’s a surprise anniversary party for Mrs. Powers and her husband (who is apparently just sitting out in the car while all this is going on).  Why would a bunch of teenagers throw an anniversary party for a 50-something Elvis fan?

Bayside logic, baby!

It still a cute episode.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.5 “Overkill”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

It’s time for another stupid trip to L.A.

Episode 4.5 “Overkill”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on August 23rd, 1998)

Jamie is learning martial arts from Master Soo Han (Yoshi Jenkins).  When she is saved from a group of muggers by a fellow classmate named Kyle (Matty Liu), she starts to fall in love with him.  Soon, he is teaching her how to be a better fighter.  For some reason, Jamie doesn’t tell Kyle that she’s a cop.  That makes things awkward when Kyle realizes that 1) the man who killed his mother is a student in the class and 2) Kyle is being groomed to be a government assassin.

I’ve always said that you can tell when a show has cast a professional athlete in a guest role because the athlete is always the worst actor in the episode.  That was certainly the case here.  At first, I was sure that Matty Liu was a professional martial artist.  It turns out that he’s actually a pro surfer but still, my point stands.  It doesn’t matter how many camera tricks or jump cuts the show uses to make Liu look like a badass, he’s still an amazingly stiff actor.  The scenes of him and Jamie falling in love don’t work because he’s not capable of showing any emotion, let alone love.

Speaking of love, Chris is still mad that her husband didn’t select her to be promoted to sergeant.  When she discovers a murder victim, she impresses Homicide Detective Thomas (Carl T. Evans) by figuring out that the victim died from a — wait for it — broken neck.  WOW!  Amazing deduction, Chris!  I mean, how difficult is it to spot a broken neck?  Even though Chris is neither a medical examiner nor a detective, Thomas invites her to fill in for a sick Homicide detective.  Chris accepts.

TC’s not happy about that!  Actually, TC’s never happy.  He’s been in charge of Pacific Blue for five episodes now and he hasn’t smiled once.  He has spent a lot of time glaring.  In fact, both he and Cory spend most of their time glaring at other people now.  I guess that’s what you do when you’re in charge,  management by glaring.

Finally, Bobby and Spazz compete over — wait a minute, I got a name wrong there.  What is Spazz’s real name?  Is it Granger?  Yeah, okay, sorry about that.  Bobby and Granger serve as body guards for a French actress (Lydie Denier), who claims that she’s being stalked.  Bobby has seen all of her films but she’s more attracted to Spazz, for some reason.  Sorry, Bobby!  I would have picked you.

Anyway, this was one of Pacific Blue’s dumbest episodes yet.  Chris is even more whiny than usual.  TC and Cory are useless.  Jamie and Kyle’s fight scenes are edited in such a way that one gets dizzy trying to follow them.  This episode featured bad acting and worst direction,  No wonder Chris wants to transfer to Homicide.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.4 “Driver’s Education”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, it’s time to learn how to drive!

Episode 2.4 “Driver’s Education”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 29th, 1990)

Good Lord, Zack Morris is so insecure!

Even though Zack and Kelly have been dating since the prom, Zack still fears that Kelly will dump him when Slater turns 16 and gets his driver’s license.  Slater’s already got a car.  Sure, the car looks bad at first but Slater says he’s going to fix it up and, one jump cut later, he’s got a pretty badass red convertible.

Zack’s solution?  If you thought Zack would respond by resolving to be such a great boyfriend that Kelly wouldn’t leave him, you don’t know Zack Morris!  Instead, Zack comes up with a ludicrously complicated scheme to cause Slater to flunk driver’s education.

A few words about driver’s ed at Bayside:

First off, driver’s ed is one of the many classes that is taught by Mr. Tuttle (Jack Angeles).  Last season, Mr. Tuttle inspired the creation of Buddy Bands.  This season, he’s teaching the students how to drive and complaining that he should have been named principal instead of “Mr. Balding.”  Mr. Tuttle was one of the few recurring teachers on Saved By The Bell and Jack Angeles, who was an attorney in real life, was a good comedic actor.  It’s almost always a good sign when Tuttle shows up.

Secondly, at Bayside, students aren’t required to actually drive a car.  Instead, they drive this thing:

Seriously, this thing has got three wheels and apparently, it’s not supposed to leave the classroom.  How are you going to learn how to drive in this thing!?  To his credit, Mr. Belding mentions that he’s often told Tuttle to get rid of this half-assed attempt at a car.

Zack’s plan is to take the driver’s ed car out of the classroom so that Slater can give him a private lesson.  Slater will get caught in the faux car and somehow, this will lead to him getting kicked out of class.  (Since it’s established that Slater already knows how to drive, couldn’t he just go down to the DMV and take the test regardless of the class?)  However, Kelly asks Slater for a ride, Zack attempts to get Kelly out of the fake car, and the pretend car ends up crashing into a locker.  Slater, Zack, and Kelly run for it.

In order to get Zack to confess, Kelly pretends to have amnesia.  When Zack announces that he will not only confess but that he’ll also get Kelly the best medical care available (good luck doing with with no car, Zack!), Kelly says that she knew “Zack” would do the right thing.  Hearing his name, Zack realizes that Kelly never had amnesia.  Zack says that he’s not going to confess and it won’t matter because what’s Belding going to do?  Flunk everyone?

The next day, at the start of class, Belding announces that he’s flunking everyone.

At first, Kelly stands up says that she’s to blame.  Slater jumps up and accepts responsibility because Slater’s a soldier at heart.  Realizing that Slater now looks a lot better than him, Zack finally admits that he’s the one who took the driver’s ed car out of the classroom.  The end result is that Zack flunks, Slater gets two weeks of detention, and Kelly gets …. no punishment at all.

This was actually a pretty enjoyable episode.  I mean, it was dumb but that’s par for the course when it comes to Saved By The Bell.  This episode features a lot of Tuttle comedy and Mario Lopez once again outacting everyone else in the cast.  That’s what Saved By The Bell is all about.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.4 “Users”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Jamie goes undercover …. again!

Episode 4.4 “Users”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on August 16th, 1998)

 Pacific Blue started out as a show about bicycle cops.  I always thought that was a stupid premise but, regardless of my opinion, the first two seasons pretty much focused on keeping the cops on the bikes.  However, with the third and now the fourth season, the bikes have started to feel superfluous.  Now, the bike cops are suddenly working murders and going undercover.  This all seems like stuff that actual detective should be doing as opposed to a bunch of glorified traffic cops.

For instance, this episode features Jamie being sent undercover to befriend a teenage drug dealer named Brandon Jeter (future choreographer and Michael Jackson-accuser Wade Robson).  Brandon, who has witnessed a murder, is being used as an informant by an intense narcotics detective named Perry Marcus (Roger Floyd).  TC and Cory make a big deal about how they don’t like Perry’s tactics but why would Perry care?  He’s not a bike cop and they’re not detectives.

This is only Jamie’s fourth episode as a regular character but it feels like the 100th time that she’s been told to work undercover.  The problem is that we don’t know much about who Jamie is so there’s not really any emotional pay-off to seeing her pretending to be someone else.  Jamie is upset when she sees how everyone — from Detective Marcus to drug lord Nick Lambros (Corey Pearson) — is manipulating Brandon but we don’t really know why.  We know nothing about Jamie’s homelife.  We know nothing about her past.  We don’t know why she became a cop.  She’s a character with no inner life.  It’s not the fault of actress Amy Hunter that Jamie comes across as being boring.  The scripts, so far, have given her nothing to work with.

Meanwhile, Moncia is having an affair with the recently promoted Commander McKinnon (Jeffrey Meek).  The affair is often physically abusive but, when Bobby confronts McKinnon, McKinnon claims that Monica enjoys the pain.  Eventually, Monica and Bobby get McKinnon being abusive on tape.  The episode ends with Monica lustfully spying on TC in a neighboring apartment.  Ugh.  This show really annoys me with the way it portrays Monica.  She’s literally the only character on the show who has a positive and largely guilt-free attitude about sex and the show always seems to be determined to either punish or villainize her for it.  (What makes this especially annoying is that the show both judges and leers at Monica at the same time.)

As usual, this episode could have worked if the characters were more interesting.  The idea that everyone on the show was using someone else had potential but the execution fell flat.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.3 “Save The Max”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Bayside Radio is on the air!

Episode 2.3 “Save The Max”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 22nd, 1990)

Uh-oh!  Max is about to lose The Max!  The land that the Max is sitting on belongs to the school board and, if Max the owner can’t come up with $10,000 in back rent, he’s going to lose the restaurant.  As Jessie puts it, “our favorite hang-out is going to become a parking lot!”

Here’s the thing — so what?  I mean, seriously, is it that hard to find a place to get a hamburger in California?  For the most part, the Max has always come across as being a fairly tacky place.  It’s hard for me to imagine anyone over the age of eleven thinking that Max’s magic tricks were worth watching.  Even more importantly, why didn’t Max pay his rent?  Max is an adult.  He’s a grown man.  Why does it fallon a group of teenagers to take care of Max’s problems?  Pay your own damn bills, Max!

Fortunately (I guess), Zack has recently re-launched the school radio station.  This is the episode where Zack and Screech discover the radio station in the school basement and Mr. Belding appears in a flashback as a 40 year-old hippie high school student with a thick mustache.  I’m not really sure to whom the radio station is supposed to appeal.  Zack pretending to be “Wolfman Zack” is cringe city.  Screech’s mystery theater is embarrassing.  Lisa’s gossip show would probably lead to multiple lawsuits today.  Aren’t these people supposed to be in class?  Are the other students actually okay with Zack and his friends being the only ones who actually get to do anything interesting at school?

The best thing about this episode is that it gives Slater a showcase.  This is the first episode to feature Slater as a guy who is always confident until he’s either talking into a microphone or looking at video camera.  Whenever he knows he’s being recorded, Slater suddenly freezes up.  Slater’s awkwardness is actually pretty endearing and it makes him a more compelling character than Zack.  With Zack automatically being good at everything, it’s actually kind of nice to get to watch Slater conquer his doubts and prove himself.

Do the kids — and Mr. Belding — go on the air for 24 hours in an attempt raise enough money to save the Max?  You bet they do!  But it’s not until Slater grabs the microphone and talks about how the Max was the first place that he ever felt as if he really belonged that the money starts to come in.  I think one reason that the Gang was having trouble raising money is that all of the Bayside students were at the Max for the telethon.  Seriously, I’m really not sure who was donating all that money at the end of this episode.  I guess Slater has groupies.  Hey, why not?  He’s earned them.

Seriously, though — couldn’t Max have just paid his rent!?  What a deadbeat!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.3 “Seduced”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops clean up Malibu.

Episode 4.3 “Seduced”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on August 9th, 1998)

Last week, I said that it appeared that the Pacific Blue recruits were no longer living in their funky loft.  Well, it turns out I was wrong.  This episode opens with Granger at the funky loft, hosting a party.  Unfortunately, the party comes to an abrupt end when Granger tries to play an adult movie on his totally hip VCR.  Uh-oh — it turns out that the lead actress in Barely Legal is the 16 year-old sister of one of Granger’s (dead) friends!

(She’s also played by Alison Lohman, a reminder that everyone had to start somewhere.)

Granger and Bobby Cruz set out to take down Malibu’s adult movie underground.  TC agrees to help by telling Jamie Strickland to go undercover as a film student who needs a job.  Strickland says that she’ll do it but she’s not going to have sex on camera.  However, once she reaches the set, the sleazy director decides to put her in the film.  Strickland calls Cory.  Cory says, “We can’t pull you out now.”

Really?  You can’t?  Why are bicycle cops even going undercover?

Meanwhile, Playpen magazine offers Monica money to pose for them.  They offer even more money if Monica can get the other women of Pacific Blue to pose as well.  Needless to say, the other women of Pacific Blue are not willing to pose and they talk about how demeaning Playpen is for women.  (Cory, who is pregnant but not showing, is at least tempted.)  But the show still features a lengthy montage of Monica’s photoshoot.  This show always tries to have it both ways.

This episode probably would have worked better if Granger was actually an interesting character but he’s not.  It also would have helped if we knew anything about Strickland’s character, beyond the fact that she’s super-competent, but we don’t.  Even the veteran characters — TC, Chris, and Cory — don’t really have any personality.  Thankfully, this season has got Mario Lopez playing Bobby Cruz like A.C. Slater on a bicycle and Shanna Moakler, playing Monica as a scheming agent of chaos.  Only Lopez and Moakler seem to to have really understood what type of show they were on.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.2 “Zack’s War”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Zack goes to war!  Actually, now that I think about it, he really doesn’t.  This title makes no sense.

Episode 2.2 “Zack’s War”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 15th, 1990)

Bayside High School is now home to a Cadet Corps program.  Led by Lt. Chet Adams (Cylk Cozart), the Cadet Corps appears to be the same thing as the ROTC but it’s called the Cadet Corps and despite all of the attention that it receives here, it’s never mentioned again after this episode.

Slater’s dad is in the army so he can’t wait to join the Cadet Corps.  Zack jokes about never joining the Cadet Corps so Belding gives him 30 Saturday detentions …. unless, Zack joins the Cadet Corps and talks all of his friends into joining.  Soon, Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, Screech, Butch, and Louise are all members of the Cadet Corps.  That’s …. 8 people.  Wow, that’s a really weak turn-out.  Zack has a lot more friends than that!  Seriously, if only 8 people show up to one of my watch parties, I usually end up depressed for a week.

Anyway, you may notice some new names there.  Louise is the unathletic belle of the school nerds.  Butch is an apparently sociopathic bully who doesn’t want Screech talking to his girlfriend.  For this episode, I guess we’re just supposed to forget that Screech has always, in the past, been in love with Lisa.

The second day of Cadet Corps, Lt. Adams announces that it’s time for an athletic competition.  He allows Zack to pick the teams.  Zack puts Screech, Lisa, and Louise on one team.  The other team is made up of Butch, Kelly, and Jessie.  Zack says Slater can lead the team with Screech, Lisa, and Louise.  Lt. Adams says, “Nope,” and he puts Zack in charge of the unathletic team.

Zack gets mad at quits the Corps.  Luckily, Screech visits Zack and shames him.  (Zack should consider himself lucky that Screech didn’t pull a knife.)  Zack rejoins the Corps and leads his team to victory, somehow!

That’s the short version of this dumb episode.  This is another one of those weird episodes where an authority figure — in this case, Lt. Adams — tells Zack that, if he wins an arbitrary competition, he’ll be allowed to skip class for the rest of the year.  Zack wins the competition but, when Adams says he won’t be seeing Zack anymore, Zack replies, “Why?  Are you quitting?”  No, Zack, you prick — you’re quitting!  Except Zack doesn’t quit for some reason.  He’s proud to be in the Cadet Corps.

Needless to say, the Cadet Corps are never mentioned again.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.2 “Treasure Hunt”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, cliffhangers are abandoned and emotions run wild.

Episode 4.2 “Treasure Hunt”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on August 2nd, 1998)

When last we checked in with Pacific Blue, we had a bit of cliffhanger going on.  Bobby Cruz was still considering whether or not to become a bicycle cop.  Detective Monica Harper was preparing to go back to her usual department.  And TC had just announced to Strickland and Granger that he wasn’t sure whether or not they would be continuing as bike cops.

Well, apparently, that all got worked out between episodes.  Strickland and Graner are still bike cops and they no longer appear to be living in that funky loft they were occupying during the previous episode.  Bobby is now a bike cop.  And Monica is a bike cop too because apparently, she got transferred to Pacific Blue.  She explains to Bobby that she goes wherever she’s sent but she’s not real happy about being a bike cop.  Hey, Monica, we’ve already got a whiny character on this show.  We don’t need another.

That whiny character — and yes, it is Chris Kelly — wants to be a sergeant.  So does Cory.  Both Chris and Cory take the sergeant’s exam.  Chris scores higher, though only by five points.  However, TC offers the sergeant’s position to Cory.  Chris, of course, whines about his decision.  TC replies that Cory’s been with the department longer and, unlike Chris, she’s never been written up for having a bad attitude.  TC feels that Cory will be a better role model for the new recruits and he’s probably right.  I mean, one of the few consistent things about Pacific Blue has been that Chris is generally thin-skinned and fairly rude to the people that citizens that she’s supposed to be protecting.  Chris is the bike cop who always seemed to be annoyed whenever she actually has to talk to anyone who doesn’t ride a bicycle.

One reason that is not mentioned for TC not promoting Chris is that Chris and TC are now married and I have to wonder how it would look if TC’s first action as commander was to promote his wife.  Honestly, how are TC and Chris even working together now?  This seems like a textbook case of conflict of interest.

As for the rest of the show, Strickland killed her first bad guy.  Shaken after shooting a convenience store robber, Strickland goes to a bar and gets drugged!  It turns out that someone is slipping GHB into the drinks on the boardwalk.  Could it have something to do with two obnoxious radio hosts who are broadcasting from the pier?  Bobby Cruz is not happy when he discovers that his 15 year-old sister is apparently a fan of their program….

Yes, Bobby Cruz is a Mexican-American bicycle cop from a tough neighborhood who is very protective of his younger sister.  Wasn’t that Victor Del Toro’s character as well?  Being from Texas, I’ve always been very aware of how television has always stereotyped any character who happens to have a Spanish last name.  With Pacific Blue, it looks like they just crossed out Victor Del Toro’s name in their scripts and wrote in Bobby Cruz instead.

Finally, Monica is looking for a new apartment.  Cory tries to keep Monica from finding out that there’s an apartment available in her building because …. Cory’s a bitch, maybe?  I don’t know.  It’s very out-of-character for Cory.  How is Cory going to be a sergeant if she gets this upset and petty over a new person being assigned to Pacific Blue?

Oh!  Also, Cory’s pregnant!  So far, only Chris knows.  Why would anyone tell Chris anything?  Chris is like hella mean….

Wow, a lot happened in this episode!  In fact, I’d say almost too much happened in this episode.  One got the feeling that the show’s writers wanted to focus on the newer members of the squad but, at the same time, they knew they had to come up with something for Chris to whine about.  In the past, Pacific Blue often felt understuffed.  This episode was definitely overstuffed.

Something is going to have to give.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.1 “The Prom”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we begin season 2!

Episode 2.1 “The Prom”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 8th, 1990)

It’s time for the prom!

Wow, the second season really jumps into things, doesn’t it?  Most high school shows tend to take the “each season is one school year approach” but the second season of Saved By The Bell opens with prom.

It’s time for Kelly to finally decide who is going to be prom date (and boyfriend), Slater or Zack.  If the first season occasionally featured Kelly acting a bit flighty and, at times, self-centered, the second season introduces us to the new Kelly, who is in love with Zack but who also doesn’t want to hurt Slater’s feelings.  This is also the Kelly who suddenly comes from a huge blue collar family.  Kelly agrees to go to prom with Zack (and Slater, being awesome, accepts her decision with grace).  But when her father is laid off from his job at the defense plant (“World peace has broken out,” he explains — and you can thank Ronald Reagan and the first George Bush for that!  USA!  USA!  USA!), Kelly gives up going to prom because her family needs the money that she would have spent on the evening.

(Kelly, Zack’s superrich!  Just have him pay for everything….)

Zack is upset, until Slater tells him that Kelly’s father lost his job.

“Poor Kelly,” Zack says.

“That’s right,” Slater replies.  “Poor Kelly.  Not poor Zacky.”

HELL YEAH!  I LOVE SLATER!

Slater does go to prom, with Jessie.  (This is an important episode for Slater and Jessie too.)  Meanwhile, Screech asks Lisa to be his date.  When Lisa turns him down, Screech begs her to just see a movie with him.  It’s a zombie movie and Lisa loves it!  But apparently, Screech has an issue with people who love movies because he gets mad at Lisa for talking too much and decides to go to prom alone.  For some reason, Screech becomes the prom’s DJ.  Meanwhile, Lisa bores her date by talking nonstop about the zombie movie ….. wow, this all feels very familiar to me.

As for Zack and Kelly, they do go to prom!  They dance outside of the gym and it’s one of the few genuinely romantic moments to be found in Saved By The Bell.  It’s also one of the few moments that captures the unique mix of melancholy and optimism that goes along with being a teenager.

The second season is off to a great start!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.1 “Glass Houses”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, we start season 4!

Episode 4.1 “Glass Houses”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on July 26th, 1998)

The fourth season of Pacific Blue opens with many changes.

Palermo and Victor have retired.  Cory is now dating Doug Fraser (Owen McKibbin).  At the start of the episode, Cory and Doug accompany TC and Chris to Vegas, where they are married by — you guessed it! — an Elvis impersonator.

TC is now in charge of Pacific Blue and, while Chris and Cory both make plans to take the sergeant’s exam, TC focuses on bringing in some new blood.  At the police academy, he recruits two recent graduates — hyper-competent Jaime Strickland (Amy Hunter) and edgy rebel Russ Granger (Jeff Stearns).  He asks and gets undercover cop Monica Harper (Shanna Moakler) transferred to Pacific Blue so that she can go undercover to break up a meth operation at the local college.  Everyone is shocked when Monica turns out to be young and blonde.  Were they expecting a 40 year-old undercover college student?

Not happy about having to ride a bicycle, Russ decides to insert himself into Monica’s undercover operation.  Monica and Russ meet the two main dealers, Quincy (Joe Michael Burke) and Cherry (Michelle Beauchamp).  They discover that they’re getting their drugs from a chemistry professor (Robin Thomas).  What they don’t do is make an arrest.  Quincy and Cherry murder the professor and escape after setting off a bomb in the chemistry lab.

TC is not happy with his new cops.  In fact, the episode ends with him telling them that he has doubts about whether or not to keep them at Pacific Blue.  Fortunately, we the viewers know that they’ll be okay because they are all now listed in the opening credits.

Also listed in the opening credits is Bobby Cruz (Mario Lopez), the campus cop who drags Monica out of the laboratory right before it explodes.  Bobby has a history.  He was a member of the LAPD but, disgusted by the anti-Mexican racism that he saw, he became a campus cop instead.  (Where I went to college, the campus cops were the biggest joke around.)  TC offers Bobby a chance to be a member of Pacific Blue.  Bobby says that he’ll think about it.  We all know that means yes.

And that’s a good thing because this show could definitely use more Mario Lopez!  In fact, the only reason I started reviewing this stupid series was because I knew Mario would be joining the cast eventually.  Let’s hope Mario’s magic starts to make things better soon!

As for this episode, it was …. well, it wasn’t good.  Other than Lopez, none of the new characters really made much of an impression.  But, I am an optimist.  I have hope.

Never give up hope.