Call Me a Doctor”

Posted on July 29, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you!

Episode 8.4 “Ace Meets the Champ/Why Justin Can’t Read/Call Me a Doctor”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on October 6th, 1994)

Malcolm Bosworth (James Noble) boards the ship with his son (Dick Billingsley) and his son’s tutor (Jeannie Wilson). When both the tutor and Doc Bricker suggest that his son might be struggling academically because he’s dyslexic, Malcolm replies, “My son’s not retarded!” Booooo, Malcolm, booooo! In Malcolm’s defense, he comes to see the error of his ways but still, booooo!

Walter Milner (Louis Giambalvo) is a furniture salesman who tells Margo Bush (Tovah Feldshuh) that he’s a doctor. Margo’s mother (Doris Roberts) really wants her daughter to marry a doctor. Wow, I bet that will lead to some wacky complications!

Those two stories are both well-handled and feature some likable performances. James Noble makes Malcolm into a sympathetic figure, even if he is totally incorrect about dyslexia. But neither one of those stories is the main event.

The main event is Ace and Isaac boxing Ernie Jordan (Dick Butkus). Ernie is a professional boxer. Ace and Isaac are not. Ernie was originally scheduled to take part in an exhibition match for charity but, when his opponent gets sick, it looks like the children’s hospital will just have to close. Ernie’s publicist, Gaylan (Jennifer Holmes), is a former girlfriend of Ace’s. She left Ace because she felt he was irresponsible. Isaac and Gopher decide that the best way for Ace to prove that he isn’t irresponsible would be for him to volunteer to fight a professional boxer. Ace agrees. After Isaac writes a poem ridiculing the champ, Ernie declares that he’ll fight both Isaac and Ace at the same time.

Wow, sounds like Ace and Isaac are in a lot of trouble! Fortunately, for them, Ernie is a nice guy and he throws the fight and pretends to get knocked out. The children’s hospital is saved, Ernie’s reputation is probably ruined, and Ace proves …. well, I don’t know what Ace proves. Ace’s goal is to show that he’s not just a rich kid with an easy job but that’s a little bit difficult because he is a rich kid with an easy job. Ace is the Jack Schlossberg of The Love Boat, just with better hair. Still, Ace gets a girlfriend for the final five minutes or so of the episode so that’s a good thing.

This episode was pleasant, though it’s hard not to feel that Gopher would have been a more amusing opponent for Ernie Jordan. Pat Klous still seems to be struggling to fit in with the rest of the cast as Judy. Still, Isaac’s brief Mohammad Ali impersonation made me smile and Ted McGinley’s hair was perfect. With this episode, The Love Boat shows its age a little but luckily, our crew is still capable of delivering an enjoyable if not exactly memorable cruse.

Scenes I Love: The Sopranos Stage An Intervention

Posted on July 29, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today would have been the birthday of the late Tony Sirico. Sirico was a former mob associate who, after serving a term in prison, reinvented himself as an actor. Because of his background, he was often typecast as gangsters but he also proved himself to be an intelligent performer with perfect comedic timing. For a lot of us, he will always be remembered for playing Paulie on The Sopranos.

Today scene that I love comes from The Sopranos and it features excellent work from the entire cast, especially Tony Sirico. In this scene from the 2002 episode “The Strong, Silent Type,” the Sopranos and their associates stage an intervention for Christopher Moltisanti and it goes about as well as you might expect. In just five minutes, this scenes manages to capture everything that The Sopranos was about, as well as giving each member of the cast a chance to shine. Since this is Sirico’s birthday, I’ll just recommend that viewers especially watch Paulie’s facial expressions while Adriana reads her letter to Christopher.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.12 “Cruz Control”

Posted on July 28, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, almost everyone’s got a secret.

Episode 4.12 “Cruz Control”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on December 13th, 1988)

I guess someone in the Pacific Blue writers’ room finally remembered that Amy Hunter joined the cast at the start of season 4 because her character, Jamie Stickland, actually gets to do something in this episode. In fact, we ever see the odd loft that she is apparently still sharing with Russ Granger.

This episode opens with Jamie gunning down a Korean smuggler. Even though it’s a “good” shooting, it’s still Jamie’s second killing in just a handful of months. Lt. Susan Jessup (Holly Gagnier, who previously played Parker Stevenson’s little-seen wife on the first season of Baywatch) uses the shooting as leverage to try to force Jamie to become a mole for Internal Affairs. When Jamie refuses, Susan threatens to reveal that Jamie lied on her police application when she said she had never been convicted of a felony. It turns out that, when Jamie was 15, she was convicted of manslaughter after she shot her abusive foster father. When Jamie continues to resist the pressure to spy on her fellow cops, Susan suddenly talks about “Internal Affairs is very erotic.” By the end of the episode, it appears that Jamie is ready to become an IA informant so I guess the erotic line worked.

Meanwhile, Bobby Cruz goes AWOL for two days so that he can track down Lee Kwan (Karen Kim), a model who, years earlier, accidentally ran over Bobby’s parents while driving too fast. Lee was acquitted in court and Bobby has been dreaming of revenge ever since. When it becomes apparent that Lee has become involved with a smuggling operation, Bobby goes rogue to try to get her sent to prison.

Meanwhile, Monica goes undercover as a model because, on this show, all bicycle cops can go undercover at a moment’s notice. The undercover storyline doesn’t really go anywhere but it does give Monica an excuse to show TC her portfolio. Cory sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes, which is pretty much her standard response to Monica doing anything that would indicate that she’s still alive.

This was a busy episode. All of the regular characters, with the exception of Darlene Vogel’s Chris Kelly, made an appearance. That said, busy does not necessarily equal good or even interesting. Bobby’s decision to go AWOL never made much sense but then again, Pacific Blue itself has never made much sense. A bunch of people barking out orders while wearing bicycle shorts will never make sense. At the very least, though, we did get to see Mario Lopez doing the “big” acting. There was never an episode of Saved By The Bell in which Slater got hooked on rage-inducing drugs but Pacific Blue gives us an idea of what that would have been like.

By the end of the episode, Lee Kwan is dead, Bobby is back on his bike, and Jamie’s a rat. Hopefully, this will somehow lead to TC getting sent to prison for embezzlement or something. That’s my hope!

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.11 “Tommy The Tenor”

Posted on July 28, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.

Oh no! The Glee Club is in trouble!

Episode 2.11 “Tommy the Tenor”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)

During the second season, Saved By The Bell: The New Class aired twice on Saturday morning. The first episode would feature the Gang at Bayside, dealing with high school stuff. The second episode would feature the Gang outside of school, working a summer job or visiting relatives in another state. This often wrecked havoc with the show’s already fragile continuity. Episodes in which Rachel and Brian were dating while working at the Palisades Country Club would air beside episodes set at Bayside, in which Brian was still pining for Rachel and Rachel, for her part, barely seemed to notice that Brian was even around.

In this Bayside-set episode, Brian joins the Glee Club because he wants to be near Rachel. (Rachel, meanwhile, joins the Glee Club because the teacher is hot. That’s also why Lindsay and Megan join as well.) The only problem is that Brian can’t carry a tune. So, he arranges for Tommy stand outside the classroom and sing through an open window while Brian lip-synchs. Tommy has a wonderful voice but he’s afraid that his cool, leather jacket-wearing image will be ruined if he joins the Glee Club. And the teacher apparently is too stupid to notice that Brian can only sing when he’s standing near an open window.

(Speaking of continuity, Lindsay doesn’t realize that Tommy is the one singing for Brian, even though she’s been dating Tommy forever and should presumably know what his voice sounds like. In this episode, Lindsay and Tommy barely speak. It’s as if everyone involved forgot that Tommy and Lindsay were supposed to be the school’s power couple. How lazy were the writers this season?)

Uh-oh, the school board is thinking cutting funding for the Glee Club! Mr. Belding invites the school board’s Mr. McKenzie (Eddie Allen) to hear the Glee Club perform but, unfortunately, Rachel, Megan, and Lindsay are too busy fighting over the teacher to sing (and that all get hiccups due to — God help me — hiccup spray that Rachel buys to sabotage the other girls) and Tommy isn’t available to provide a voice for Brian. The Glee Club is doomed!

Oh well. Who needs a Glee Club?

Apparently, Bayside does. Belding arrange for yet another performance and, this time, Tommy walks out on stage and does his best Tony Bennett impersonation. Tommy D is willing to risk his cool to save the Glee Club. What a loser.

The best thing about this episode is that Screech was not present. Bobby mentions that Screech is in Alaska, visiting his grandmother. For some reason, this is presented as a laugh line. I mean, surely, there are grandmothers who live in Alaska, right? And people do visit them. It’s not like Screech went to Manitoba to visit her. Now, that would have been funny!

Otherwise, this was a dumb episode. The lip-synching was dumb. The assembly was dumb. Why was the school board funding the Glee Club? Why couldn’t the Glee Club just do a fundraiser on their own? When I was in high school, I stood outside of Richardson Square Mall in short shorts and a crop top and yelled, “Car Wash!” and raised enough money to fund the Drama Club through 2035. It’s not that difficult!

Seriously, this episode barely even tried. No wonder Screech went to Alaska.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.1 “Meet The New Guy”

Posted on July 27, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we start the sixth and final season of CHiPs.

Episode 6.1 “Meet the New Guy”

(Dir by John Astin, originally aired on October 10th, 1982)

The sixth season of CHiPs opens up with some changes. Bonnie, Bear, and Turner are all gone. They’ve been replaced by Kathy (Tina Gayle) and Officer Webster (Clarence Gilyard, Jr.) Grossman (Paul Linke) is still providing comedic relief. Harlan (Lou Wagner) is still running the garage. Getraer (Robert Pine) is still the sarge. And Ponch (Erik Estrada) is still riding his motorcycle and flashing his grin.

However, this episode finds Ponch riding solo. Officer Baker is no longer his partner. This was because Larry Wilcox declined to return for another season, specifically because he felt that the producers only cared about keeping Estrada happy. On the show, it’s mentioned that Baker has relocated to Wyoming and he is now working on his father’s ranch. Ponch, however, is not without a partner for long. At the start of the episode, he meets Baker’s replacement. Bobby Nelson (Tom Reilly) is blonde and kind of spacey and he’s nicknamed “hot dog” because he likes to take risks. Ponch has been assigned to work as Nelson’s partner throughout Nelson’s probationary period. Getraer explains that Nelson reminds him of Ponch.

And really, that’s the problem. Ponch is a flamboyant motorcycle cop who smiles a lot and likes to take risks. Bobby is another flamboyant motorcycle cop who smiles a lot and likes to take risks. There’s not much difference between them. Even though Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada didn’t get along behind the scenes, Baker and Ponch worked as a team because Baker was the opposite of Ponch. Baker was serious and by-the-book and he didn’t take unnecessary risks. Bobby, on the other hand, is pretty much just a blonde version of Ponch.

There is another problem as far as Bobby Nelson is concerned. Judging from this episode, Tom Reilly doesn’t appear to have been much of an actor. Larry Wilcox may not have had the most expansive emotional range but he was totally believable as a cop. Reilly, meanwhile, spends the entire episode looking somewhat spaced out. He delivers his lines in a flat monotone. From the start, there’s very little chemistry between him and Estrada. When Ponch complains about getting a new partner, one gets the feeling that he was expressing Estrada’s own feelings.

That said, this episode isn’t all bad. It opens with one of the most spectacular crashes in the show’s history. The tragic Dominique Dunne gives a strong performance as a teenage mother who sells her baby to a couple but then decides that she wants him back. This episode even manages to work quicksand into its finale. How can you not appreciate a show that makes use of quicksand?

Finally, this episode has one extended sequence that is so ludicrous that you just can’t help but smile while watching it. Two thieves have been robbing health clubs. They just happen to rob the one where Ponch is a member. (Fitness guru Richard Simmons plays Ponch’s teacher.) Ponch, clad only in a pair of black shorts and a motorcycle helmet, jumps on his motorcycle and chases after the robbers. The site of a half-naked Erik Estrada riding his motorcycle down the streets of Los Angeles is the perfect combination of silly and stupid.

This episode had its moments but I’m not really sold on Tom Reilly as a replacement for Larry Wilcox. We’ll see what happens!

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.12 “Hide and Go Thief”

Posted on July 27, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988. The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Torello finally tracks down Homan.

Episode 1.12 “Hide and Go Thief”

(Dir by Francis Delia, originally aired on December 12th, 1986)

In Chicago, an unnamed gunman (Paul Guilfoyle) has taken a woman (Lorraine Bracco) hostage and has barricaded himself in a hotel room. He wants to get on television and he figures that holding a hostage and firing a machine gun out the window is the best way to do it. The members of the Major Crimes Unit are in the street, ducking behind squad cars whenever the gunman starts firing on them.

It’s definitely a major situation but Torello is more interested in going to Gary, Indiana than exchanging gunfire in Chicago. Frank Homan (Ted Levine), a former member of Luca’s crew, has been discovered working as a cook in a Gary diner. Everyone in Gary knows Frank as “Mike Torello.” The real Torello is determined to arrest Frank and hopefully use him to take down Luca. Torello abandons the hostage situation, drives down to Gary, and captures Homan at work.

Finally, some good news for the real Mike Torello, right? Well, not quite. After Homan is arrested, U.S. Attorney Harry Brietel (Ray Sharkey) takes custody of him. Brietel has political ambitions and taking down gangster Manny Weisbord would be a good way for him to make a name for himself. When Homan is interrogated by Brietel, Homan lies. He says that he’s never heard of Manny Weisbord. But, Homan says, he has information that will take down Luca, Phil Bartoli, and a crooked cop. In exchange for a light sentence and entry into the witness protection program, Homan is willing to testify that Mike Torello is on the take. Brietel is intrigued. Fighting police corruption is guaranteed to generate even better press than taking down an actual mobster.

Meanwhile, back in Chicago, Torello rejoins the MCU at the hostage situation. (Apparently, the gunman has been awake and firing out of his hotel window for two and a half days straight. One gets the feeling that perhaps it’s wise not to give too much thought to the logistics of this episode’s timeline.) In a well-shot, slow-motion scene, Torello and his men storm the hotel room and shoot the gunman dead. The hostage survives.

Significantly, neither the gunman nor the hostage are given names in this episode. Indeed, Paul Guilfoyle is credited as playing “Deranged Gunman.” That’s because the gunman and the hostage are really only there to show just how obsessed Torello has become with Luca. When it comes to destroying Luca and his fledgling criminal empire, all else can wait, even saving an innocent woman from an armed lunatic.

I usually don’t enjoy watching anything that involves a hostage situation because it always seems to lead to the same predictable narrative beats. Fortunately, this episode avoided most of the usual cliches by making the gunman a total nutcase who never stopped firing his weapon. The scene where Torello and his men storm the hotel room was stylish enough to verge on being surreal. As for the Homan plotline, both Ted Levine and Ray Sharkey provided strong performances and I’m looking forward to seeing how Luca and Torello react to being betrayed by the same guy.

All in all, this was a good episode.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.18 “Double Blind”

Posted on July 26, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Bayliss and Pembleton are partners again and again, they find themselves on two different sides of the same case.

Episode 5.18 “Double Blind”

(Dir by Uli Edel, originally aired on April 11th, 1997)

Where do I put my hate? Tim Bayliss asks his Uncle George (Robert Bornarth) at the end of this week’s episode.

Uncle George is the man who abused Bayliss when he was younger. The final few minutes of this episode features Bayliss tracking down George to the decrepit house that George calls home. Stepping aside, Bayliss sees that George is now an old man with a persistent cough. The messy house is full of empty liquor bottles. George is a pathetic, frightened old man and it’s obvious that he doesn’t have much longer to live.

Bayliss has just finished investigating the case of a chef who was found shot to death in his home. It quickly became obvious that the chef was abusive and that he was shot and killed by his teenage daughter (Monica Keena). Pembleton sees it as justifiable homicide but Bayliss says that it doesn’t matter that the victim was a terrible person. The fact that he was shot three times (twice after he was already on the ground) proves that it was a deliberate execution. For once, Bayliss is the one saying that the law is the law while Pembleton is the one worried about the human cost of their investigation. It’s such a reversal in their usual pattern that Pembleton has to laugh. And yet, it works. Having found his previously lost faith, Pembleton now believes that there is more to existence than the letter of the law. Pembleton also realizes that Bayliss wants to call it a murder because, deep down, he wishes he had done the same thing to his uncle. The victim’s daughter did what Bayliss could never bring himself to do.

It’s an interesting storyline, featuring great work from Andre Braugher and especially Kyle Secor. Unfortunately, this episode had a few other plotlines that weren’t quite as interesting. Kellerman and Cox continued their tentative, emotionally-damaged romance, with Kellerman finally confessing that he was suicidal when Cox last visited him on his boat. Meanwhile, Lewis supported former patrolman Chris Thormann (Lee Tergesen) when the man who blinded him came up for parole. The Lewis storyline was a sequel to a first season episode and I appreciated that the show made an effort to maintain continuity. That said, it just wasn’t that interesting of a story.

Still, that final scene with Bayliss and his uncle was undeniably powerful. Seriously, what is Bayliss going to do with all of his hate? There are no easy answers.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.11 “1-800-Crushed”

Posted on July 25, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Zack becomes Nitro!

Episode 2.11 “1-800 Crushed”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 17th, 1990)

“Hello, mate. It’s me, Nitro!”

Uhmm …. hi, Nitro. Why do you sound like Zack Morris?

Because Zack is Nitro!

In this episode, Zack decides that the best way to become a millionaire would be to wait for his parents to die so he can inherit their money…. no, actually, he decides to start a teen advice line and charge everyone $2.00 per call. He recruits Lisa to provide advice and Screech to …. hang out. I don’t know what Screech is doing there, to be honest.

Lisa takes most of the calls but, whenever she gets wrapped up (“Not now, Zack, I’m talking to a girl who hates shopping!”), Zack mans the lines. Because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he came up with the stupid idea of starting the Teenline, he calls himself Nitro and speaks with what I guess is meant to be an Australian accent.

Unfortunately, Lisa solves everyone’s problems and the phones strop ringing. Zack fires her and then he and Screech proceed to give everyone bad advice. Soon, the entire school is on edge. Even worse, Zack tells Kelly’s never-before seen little sister Nikki (Laura Mooney-Hubbert) that she should do whatever it takes to win the man of her dreams.

“Mrs. Zack Morris,” Nikki dreamingly responds.

Later, when both Kelly and Nikki call the Teenline at the same time, Zack gets confused as to who is on which line and he tells Kelly to dump her boyfriend and he tells Nikki that she’s the only girl for him.

Bayside is in chaos and only Mr. Belding can fix things. After an art class descends into chaos, Belding tells Zack, “My school will be a happy school or else.” Bye bye, Teenline!

But what about Nikki? Zack dresses up like a nerd and meets her at the Max. He says that he likes insects. Nikki likes them too! Finally, Zack confesses that he likes Kelly. Nikki tells Zack that he’s a loser for not being honest to begin with and she has a point. Kelly, wearing a blonde wig, overhears the whole conversation and takes Zack back. Nothing’s more romantic than dating a pathological liar, I guess.

This episode …. actually, I like this episode. It’s a good example of what Saved By The Bell occasionally got right. It’s a silly story that focuses on the chemistry between Zack & Kelly and Slater & Jessie and it does so without getting too preachy. This episode is lightweight and cheerfully shallow and exactly what you want from Saved By The Bell.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.12 “Reunion”

Posted on July 25, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Mitch goes to his high school reunion!

Episode 2.12 “Reunion”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on January 27th, 1992)

Mitch gets laid.

That’s pretty much the plot of this incredibly simple episode.

It’s time for Mitch’s 20-year high school reunion but he doesn’t want to go because he’s worried about seeing his ex-wife, Gayle (Wendie Malick). However, at the last moment, Mitch suddenly does decide to go. He meets up with Gayle, who is wearing a blue dress that is simply to die for. With Gayle’s help, Mitch also rescues the class bully (Tim Rossovich) after two former high school outcasts (Tom Villard and Glenn Morshower) bury him in the sand just as the tide starts to come in. And then Mitch and Gayle go back to the Buchanan house and do it like it’s prom night.

Fortunately, Hobie is gone for the weekend. (It’s kind of funny how Hobie is always off with relatives or friends whenever Mitch needs the house to himself.) I will say that, as a child of divorce, there’s nothing more painful than thinking your parents are going to get back together just because one of them was still in the house when you woke up in the morning. Hobie is spared the trauma of Mitch and Gaye’s post-reunion hook-up.

Mitch, however, is disappointed to learn that Gayle has a boyfriend and that she’s going to be marrying him. The only reason Gayle went to the reunion was to work out her feelings about Mitch. Hasselhoff handles the revelation with his trademark emotional earnestness. Left unmentioned is the fact that having sex with Mitch apparently convinced Gayle that she should marry the other guy.

Finally, someone left a baby in Eddie’s lifeguard station. Eddie and Shauni looked after it for the weekend. This led to a lot of, “Wow, sometimes babies smell bad,” humor. In the end, the baby’s father shows up to get the baby but it turns out that he doesn’t actually have custody and that his ex-wife left the baby at the lifeguard station specifically to keep her safe from him. Obviously, this couple has issues that will not be resolved by a high school reunion hook-up.

Even by the standards of Baywatch, this was a remarkably empty episode. Between Mitch quickly getting over the fact that Gayle is getting remarried and Eddie and Shauni taking care of a random baby, it was hard to escape the feeling that nothing really matters on this show. There are no real consequences to anyone’s actions. No one has any sort of emotional conflict that can’t be solved with a musical montage. Eddie and Shauni end the episode thinking about what it would like to be parents. They’ll be over it in a week.

Baywatch was a show where nothing really mattered and that’s probably why it was so popular.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 2.20 “Dust to Dust”

Posted on July 24, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

The cannibals are back!

Episode 2.20 “Dust to Dust”

(Dir by Bill Froehlich, originally aired on February 25th, 1990)

Tony Dow, Amy Lyndon, and Sandahl Bergman, the three cannibals from Prime Cut, are back! They are now all living together and are members of Cannibals Anonymous. For months, they have resisted the urge to taste human flesh. But, when an escaped prisoner breaks into their home, they give into temptation and have a good meal.

Uh-oh, it turns out that escaped prisoner was actually an astronaut who returned to Earth infected with a space virus that eventually reduces its victims to dust. And now, the cannibals all have the virus! The government abducts them and takes them to an underground lab where a group of scientists dispassionately watch as they become hypersexual before going insane and turning into dust. One scientist (Tim Russ) sympathizes with the cannibals and soon, the entire lab is infected.

This episode had potential but it ultimately failed because it couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be funny or scary. There’s a lot of terror to found in the idea of being held prisoner until your transformed into blue dust. At the same time, the symptoms of the space virus were so over-the-top and the actors went so overboard in performing those symptoms that it was hard to really care about any of it. Having the victims quote a movie before turning into dust probably seemed like a good idea but it doesn’t work in execution. The whole thing ultimately felt like a community theater production of The Andromeda Syndrome.

Not even Freddy appeared to be that interested in this episode.

Only two more episodes to go!