Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.19 and 7.20 “Hong Kong Cruise: Polly’s Poker Palace/Shop Ahoy/Double Date/The Hong Kong Affair/Two Tails of a City”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat goes to Hong Kong!

Episodes 7.19 and 7.20 “Hong Kong Cruise: Polly’s Poker Palace/Shop Ahoy/Double Date/The Hong Kong Affair/Two Tails of a City”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 4th, 1984)

This week, the Love Boat crew has been assigned to command a cruise to China.  And while the boat might be docked in Hong Kong instead of the usual Mexico, the question remains the same:

Yes, how coked up is Julie?

Well, she’s not as coked up as usual.  In fact, this is the rare Season 7 episode in which Julie actually gets to do something more than just smile at people as they board the ship.  So, I’d say this episode only rates a 7 out of 10 on the How Coked Up Is Julie scale.

As for Julie and Vicki, they fall for two brothers (Leigh McCloskey, Lee Majors II).  As always, Julie serves as Vicki’s mentor while Captain Stubing runs the ship.  However, this time, it turns out that the guy that Julie likes actually likes Vicki instead.  Vicki really likes him too.  I would point out that Vicki is likely either 16 or 17 in this episode.  (Jill Whelan was 18.)  So, really, she and Julie probably shouldn’t both be after the same man.  The guy is closer in age to Vicki than Julie but still, watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think that it might be time for Vicki to get off the boat and actually experience life on dry land.  Seriously, she’s nearly 18 and she still spends all of her time talking to elderly passengers.  Leigh McCloskey and Lee Majors II are literally the only two people close to her age to board the ship.  She really doesn’t have much choice but to fall in love with one of them.

Meanwhile, a senator (Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.) fell in love with Donna Reed, despite the misgivings of his closest advisor (Ben Murphy).  A retired spy (Gene Kelly) fell for a mysterious woman (Yvette Mimieux) and this somehow led to Gopher and Isaac putting on trench coats and following the couple through Beijing.  And Brenda Vaccaro tried to stop using her credit card.  The crew, for some reason, tried to help her.

None of these stories were very interesting, though I did relate to Brenda Vaccaro’s passenger.  This was a travelogue episode, with the boat sailing to Hong Kong and the crew somehow managing to see every famous sight in China over the course of two days.  This episode was shot on location.  I always enjoy it when I can tell the actors are actually delivering their lines in the middle of the ocean.  At the same time, the scenes that took place in China did not make me want to visit the country.  If anything, they left me feeling bad for Hong Kong.  This episode was filmed before the British handed Hong Kong over to China and it was a shame to think that all the little kids who appeared in the episode were fated to eventually become citizens of a communist country.  Needless to say, the name Mao was never mentioned during this episode.  Neither was the Cultural Revolution.

Come back to America, Captain Stubing.  The country needs you.

Villain Of The Day: Willie Cicci (The Godfather & The Godfather Part II)


Willie Cicci. Was he a villain or was he a hero?

It depends on how look at it.

Played by the legendary character actor Joe Spinell, Willie Cicci made his first appearance in The Godfather. For whatever reason, Spinell isn’t credited in The Godfather. In fact, we don’t even learn that name of his character until the sequel. Unlike Tom Rosqui’s Rocco Lampone and Richard Bright’s Al Neri, he spends the majority of the film standing in the background. However, he definitely makes an impression. With his acne-scarred face, his thin mustache, and his menacing stare, Willie Cicci is probably the menacing Corleone soldier not named Luca Brasi.

Towards the end of the film, as Michael settles all accounts, it falls on Willie Cicci to assassinate one of the heads of the rival families. Cicci traps the man in a revolving door and then guns his helpless victim down. In a finale that is notable for its violence, Cicci’s sadism leaves the viewer shaken. It’s all in the eyes. Other soldiers kill as a part of the job. Cicci seems to enjoy his work.

Later, Willie is among the soldier who stands in the background while Tom Hagen informs Tessio that he can’t get him out of trouble for old time’s sake. Willie doesn’t necessarily look happy about taking Tessio on a final ride but one gets the feeling that it’s still not going to keep him up at night.

And yet, Willie Cicci is not quite a villain in The Godfather, mostly because he works for the Corleones. By the end of the first film, it’s impossible not to cheer a little when the Corleones get their revenge. As savage as it is, they’re taking out people who tried to take them out. The Corleones may have been bad but Barzini, Cuneo, Stracci, and Tattaglia were far worse.

Willie Cicci really doesn’t achieve true villain status until The Godfather, Part II. That’s when, having been arrested after the attempt by the Rosato brothers to kill Frankie Pentangeli, Willie Cicci resurfaces as a witness at the congressional hearings on organized crime. Cicci, obviously enjoying the attention, testified about the Family’s activities. “Yeah,” he says, with a laugh, “the family had lots of buffers.”

That’s the moment that Willie truly becomes a villain. In a gangster movie, you can do a lot of bad things and still be a hero. But the minute you turn rat, it’s over.

Willie Cicci doesn’t get a lot of screentime in either Godfather movie. In The Godfather Part II, he’s even spared Michael’s vengeance. While Hyman Roth, Frankie, and Fredo Corleone all die on-screen, we never see what happened to Willie. It’s as if Michael doesn’t even consider Willie worth worrying about. For viewers, though, Willie Cicci is one of the many unforgettable characters to show up over the course of the film. A lot of Willie’s unexpected popularity is due to the memorably unhinged performance of Joe Spinell. If one was not familiar with Spinell’s other films, one might be forgiven for assuming that he was an actual mob associate who just happened to be hanging out on the set.

Willie Cicci was originally slated to appear in the third film. By this point, his character would have been one of New York’s most feared mob bosses. (I guess the whole testifying before Congress thing wasn’t held against him.) However, Spinell died before shooting began and Willie Cicci was replaced by Joey Zasa, the debonair mobster played by Joe Mantegna.

Personally, I’ll never forget Willie Cicci. He’s one of the unforgettable characters who makes The Godfather special.

Villain of the Day

Scenes That I Love: The Opening of Top Gun


On this date, 40 years ago, Top Gun was released and the movie changed forever.

From the opening shot, Top Gun captured the attention of audiences who understood that, though the film’s script may have been full of cliches and though the movie was basically just a remake of the old service moves of the late 30s and 40s, it didn’t matter because jets are freaking cool.

And that opening scene is today’s scene that I love!

Happy Top Gun Day!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Harvey Keitel Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy 87th birthday to the legendary actor, Harvey Keitel!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Harvey Keitel Films

Mean Streets (1973, dir by Martin Scorsese, DP: Kent L. Wakeford)

 

Taxi Driver (1976, dir by Martin Scorsese, DP: Michael Chapman)

 

Reservoir Dogs (1992, dir by Quentin Tarantino, DP: Andrzej Sekuła)

 

Bad Lieutenant (1992, dir by Abel Ferrara, DP: Ken Kelsch)

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.3 “Seduced”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops clean up Malibu.

Episode 4.3 “Seduced”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on August 9th, 1998)

Last week, I said that it appeared that the Pacific Blue recruits were no longer living in their funky loft.  Well, it turns out I was wrong.  This episode opens with Granger at the funky loft, hosting a party.  Unfortunately, the party comes to an abrupt end when Granger tries to play an adult movie on his totally hip VCR.  Uh-oh — it turns out that the lead actress in Barely Legal is the 16 year-old sister of one of Granger’s (dead) friends!

(She’s also played by Alison Lohman, a reminder that everyone had to start somewhere.)

Granger and Bobby Cruz set out to take down Malibu’s adult movie underground.  TC agrees to help by telling Jamie Strickland to go undercover as a film student who needs a job.  Strickland says that she’ll do it but she’s not going to have sex on camera.  However, once she reaches the set, the sleazy director decides to put her in the film.  Strickland calls Cory.  Cory says, “We can’t pull you out now.”

Really?  You can’t?  Why are bicycle cops even going undercover?

Meanwhile, Playpen magazine offers Monica money to pose for them.  They offer even more money if Monica can get the other women of Pacific Blue to pose as well.  Needless to say, the other women of Pacific Blue are not willing to pose and they talk about how demeaning Playpen is for women.  (Cory, who is pregnant but not showing, is at least tempted.)  But the show still features a lengthy montage of Monica’s photoshoot.  This show always tries to have it both ways.

This episode probably would have worked better if Granger was actually an interesting character but he’s not.  It also would have helped if we knew anything about Strickland’s character, beyond the fact that she’s super-competent, but we don’t.  Even the veteran characters — TC, Chris, and Cory — don’t really have any personality.  Thankfully, this season has got Mario Lopez playing Bobby Cruz like A.C. Slater on a bicycle and Shanna Moakler, playing Monica as a scheming agent of chaos.  Only Lopez and Moakler seem to to have really understood what type of show they were on.

 

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.2 “All Work No Play”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week, the Gang gets a summer job!  Why would anyone want to work during the summer?  What a bunch of losers.

Episode 2.2 “All Work And No Play”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 10th, 1994)

It’s summer time!  (During its second season, Saved By The Bell: The New Class aired two episodes each Saturday morning.  One episode would be a high school episode while the other would feature the Gang off-campus.)  Mr. Belding has been hired to manage the Palisade Hills Country Club.  The first mistake that Belding makes is that he hires Screech to be his assistant.  Then he allows Screech to hire Brian, Bobby, Tommy, Rachel, Megan, and Lindsay as his staff.

Thinks quickly go downhill.

  1. While trying to show-off for Rachel, Brian attempts to drive a golf cart with his feet.  (“This is how I steered snowmobile in Switzerland,” Brian says.)
  2. Assigned to wash and wax the car belonging to club owner Ed Harrington (Frank Bonner), Tommy D and Lindsay instead take the car for a joyride, which leads to Brian denting it with the golf cart.
  3. The car has a dent and the paint job is scuffed. Tommy works out the dent and then repaints the car with Rachel’s nail polish.  To help the polish dry, Tommy and Brian remove the car’s front panel, take it to the country’s club’s kitchen. and unplug the freezer so that they can instead plug in a huge fan.
  4. Whoops!  They forget to plug the freezer back in and $4,000 worth of food goes bad.
  5. Bobby can’t drive but still tries to cover valet parking.
  6. Screech is too busy falling in love with Ed’s daughter, Allison (Clare Slastrom), to be of any help.

Mr. Belding does the right thing and fires all of them.  But then the Gang decides to throw a Luau for the club’s members (instead of the county and western barbecue that was originally planned) and it’s such a hit that Belding hires them back.

Seriously, what the Hell?  Yes, the Gang saved the day but they only had to save it because they were so grotesquely immature and irresponsible in the first place.  This was one of the worst recurring plotlines to appear on Saved By The Bell: The New Class.  Someone would get a new job, they would totally screw it up, they would get fired, and then they would get rehired just because they felt bad after the fact.  Personally, I think that if you steal a car, destroy a golf cart, and cause $4,000 worth of meat to go bad, you should be fired.  I don’t care if you then put on a hula skirt and play a ukulele and and put on a little Hawaiian performance on a sweltering day in the middle of the desert.  You’re fired.

GO HOME!

This episode annoyed the Hell out of me.  I can accept a lot from this show but what I can’t accept is a plot where every complication could have been avoided by everyone not being a massive dumbass.

Scenes That I Love: Katharine Hepburn and James Stewart in The Philadelphia Story


On this date, 119 years ago, Katharine Hepburn was born in Hartford, Connecticut.  She would go one to become a cultural icon, a performer who survived being labeled box office to poison to eventually become one of our most acclaimed actresses.  Hepburn was a total of four acting Oscars over the course of her career, a record that has yet to be topped.

Today’s scene that I love comes from 1940’s The Philadelphia Story and it features Katharine Hepburn acting opposite another one of my favorite performers, the great James Stewart.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Jess Franco Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today is the 96th anniversary of the birth of Jesus Franco!  One of the most prolific filmmakers of all time, Franco made movies that …. well, they’re not easy to describe.  Jess Franco was responsible for some of the most visually striking and narratively incoherent films ever made.  He made films that you either loved or you hated but there was no mistaking his work for being the work of someone else.

Today, in honor of his birthday, here are….

4 Shots From 4 Films

The Awful Dr. Orloff (1962, dir by Jess Franco, DP: Godofredo Pacheco)

Nightmares Come At Night (1970, dir by Jess Franco)

 

She Killed In Ecstasy (1970, dir by Jess Franco, DP: Manuel Merino)

Female Vampire (1973, dir by Jess Franco, DP: Jess Franco)