Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.1 “Welcome to Malibu”

Posted on May 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Imagine being Peter Engel in 1998.

Your most successful show, Saved By The Bell, ended its NBC run years ago, though it does live on in syndication. Your second most successful show, California Dreams, ended two years ago. Once you and your programs dominated NBC’s Sunday morning programming and the cultural landscape but now you’ve been reduced to City Guys, One World, Hang Time, and Saved By The Bell: The New Class. Both American culture and NBC are moving away from your style of goofy, wholesome entertainment.

What do you do?

If you’re Peter Engel, you take what worked with Saved By The Bell and what worked with California Dreams and you try to create a new show called Malibu, CA. And if NBC won’t return your calls, you just sell the show to syndication. That’ll show them!

Malibu, CA ran for two seasons and, until I came across a reference to it online, it was the only Engelverse show that I had previously never seen or even heard about. However, it turns out that Malibu, CA is available on YouTube. Considering all of the effort that I previously put into reviewing every episode of California Dreams, City Guys, Hang Time, and even One World (GOD GOD, ONE WORLD), it only seems right to now review Malibu, CA.

Episode 1.1 “Welcome to Malibu”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 11th, 1998)

After a montage of familiar Malibu images (Hey! Did you know that people surf, bike, and wear bikinis in Malibu?), the show introduces us to Scott (Trevor Merszei) and Jason Collins (Jason Hayes), two twins brothers who don’t like alike. (That’s good because I’m already having trouble remembering which is which.) In typical Peter Engel style, they start the show in their bedroom and talking directly to the audience.

Scott explains that their mother has taken a job in Saudi Arabia so he and his brother have moved to Malibu to live with their Dad. (Really? Saudi Arabia?) Jason says he’s excited because Malibu is “27 miles of babes.” Scott says that Jason is “both halves of Dumb and Dumber.” Jason says that Scott’s shirt makes him look like one of the “Spice Boys.”

Downstairs, their father Peter Collins (Edward Blatchford, who previously played Mr. Belding’s laid back and irresponsible brother on a classic episode of Saved By The Bell), waits for them so that he can take them to their first day at a new school. Scott asks if Malibu is always as perfect as it appears to be in the morning. Peter says that it’s perfect except for the mudslides and the earthquakes. Jason says that he can’t wait for his first earthquake because he wants to see “Heather Locklear run from her house in her underwear.” (Okay, Jason, we get it. You’re the type of guy who is destined to go broke due to an internet porn addiction.) Peter mentions that he dated “the redhead from Melrose Place” three times. He then tells the boys that he’s “not much on rules” and he suggests that Scott change his shirt because, “You look like Al Gore.” (OUCH!) Peter leaves for the restaurant that he apparently owns while Scott heads up stairs to look for a new shirt.

That leaves Jason alone to meet the next door neighbor, Samantha “Sam” Chapman (Gina Marley May), whose short red dress causes Jason to say, “Whoa!” and inspires someone in the studio audience to do a wolf whistle. Sam wants Jason to sign a petition that will tell businessman Henry Updyke to not drill for oil on the beach. (Didn’t the same thing happen on both Saved By The Bell and California Dreams?) Jason signs and he also meets Sam’s friend, the spacey Murray Updyke (Brandon Brooks). Murray is especially dedicated to taking down Henry’s business because Henry is his father. So, basically, Murray’s a spoiled jerk, even if the show doesn’t realize it.

We then cut to high school, which appears to be the same high school set that was used in California Dreams. We see Sam with her best friend, a lifeguard named Jennifer “Stads” Stadler (Wendi Kenya). Stads (God, do I really have to call her that?) just broke up with her boyfriend because apparently, he was only taking her to Hooters so that he could hit on the waitresses. (Was she dating Michael Scott?)

Now, the good news is that Stads hates being called Stads. “Why does everyone think I’m one of the guys?” she says angrily. “Well, you did join the boys hockey team,” Sam offers up. Stads then notices Scott struggling with his locker combination. She helps him out by punching the locker, which flies open and smacks Scott in the face. As Scott struggles to regain his composure, he asks for help finding the Marine Biology class. Sam is also into Marine Biology. (SHOCKER!) She and Scott go off together.

Meanwhile, Jason is approached by a woman (Susan Wood) in a red dress. (Another red dress!) She asks his name and, when he says that he’s Jason Collins, she asks if he’s Peter’s son. Jason immediately assume that Peter must have dated her. “My Dad always dates the hottest babes!” “I’m not a babe, I’m Ms. Morrissey …. your principal.” “Whoa!” the audience says. Murray runs into the school and hugs Mrs. Morrisey. After Morrisey politely tells them to get to class and then heads for her office, Murray suggests they should skip school instead. Jason agrees. Hey, why not? It’s not like anything important happens on the first day of school.

Jason stops by the Lighthouse, which is Peter’s restaurant. The Lighthouse is easily identifiable as Sharky’s from California Dreams, just with a new coat of paint. Peter is not happy about Jason skipping but Jason gets distracted by Sam trying to pass out flyers for her anti-oil rally. Jason offers to hand out the flyers for her. Sam thanks him and says that she can’t wait to see him at the rally. After Sam leaves, Jason gives the flyers to a waiter and tell him to put them into all the menus. Scott then shows up and says that he met the perfect girl. Jason says he did to. “Wait until you meet Samantha!” they say in unison.

Cut to the beach, where Jason, Scott, Sam, Stads, and Murray are struggling to get anyone to take their flyers. Jason suggests that they need a billboard. “Are you talking about signs everywhere ragging on my dad’s company?” Murray says, “Alright!”

(I’m sorry but Murray’s kind of a dick. I mean, are you campaigning for the environment or are you just mad at your dad?)

How to pay for a billboard? Jason suggests having a fundraiser at the Lighthouse.

“Dad won’t go for that,” Scott says.

“Dad doesn’t need to know,” Jason says.

Okay, Jason’s a dick too.

How to get Peter out of the restaurant? Jason approaches Ms. Morrissey at school and, surprisingly, is not given any sort of punishment for skipping the first day. Jason gives Ms. Morrissey tickets to the Fleetwood Mac concert and says that Peter really wants to go with her but he feels awkward because Ms. Morrissey is their principal so Ms. Morrissey will have to ask him. Ms. Morrissey agrees to this because, in the world of Peter Engel, all principals are idiots.

Somehow, the plan works. Peter — oh my God! IS HE NAMED AFTER PETER ENGEL!? — goes to the concert and the boys take over the restaurant. Sam is really impressed, since the party will give her a chance to get more teenagers to sign her useless petition. Jason and Scott get into an argument over who Sam likes and they decide to ask Stads. They don’t even notice that Stads is trying to change her image by wearing a dress.

“Just imagine if the two of us liked you,” Scott says to her, apparently unaware that Stads has a crush on him, “who would you go for?”

Stads runs from the restaurant as the audience says, “Awwww!” I actually said “awww” too. Both Jason and Scott are dicks. Poor Jennifer!

Because Jason lied and said the stars of Baywatch would be at the restaurant, way too many people show up for the party. Jason and Scott get into an argument over who is to blame and they each accuse the other of only throwing the party to get a date with Sam. Offended, Sam declares, “I wouldn’t date either of you!” Good for you, Sam, they suck.

Guess who suddenly shows up? It’s Peter and the cops! The restaurant is closed for overcrowding and Peter, as owner, is fined $500. Peter worries that maybe he’s not responsible enough to look after his sons. Maybe they need to go back to New York and live with their grandma.

The next days, Jason and Scott tells Stads and Sam that they’re leaving. “I’m never going to see you again!?” Stads says before kissing Scott. “Hey, I’m leaving too!” Jason says.

Fear not. Peter decides to give them another chance, with the understanding that there will be rules. They’re both grounded and they’re both going to have to work as busboys in the restaurant. But they can stay in Malibu and continue to compete for Sam.

“My brother doesn’t stand a chance!” Jason and Scott is unison.

Well, that happened. The first episode of Malibu CA did what a first episode should do. It introduced us to the characters and their situations and it set up future storylines. Unfortunately, almost none of the characters are particularly likable. Jason’s a jerk. Scott’s a wimp. Murray is a spoiled brat. Sam is self-righteous. Peter is a midlife crisis waiting to happen. The closest thing this show has to a likable character is Jennifer and she’s stuck with a terrible nickname. I’m an optimist and I’m fully aware that first episodes are rarely indicative of what a show is going to eventually become. I hope Malibu CA will improve. For now, though, I’m starting understand why I had never heard of it before.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.21 “Anchors Aweigh” and 5.22 “Video Killed The Radio Star”

Posted on August 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Ms. Noble is finally retiring!

Episode 5.21 “Anchors Aweigh”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

Here’s this episode’s plot description, via Wikipedia:

The time for Ms. Noble’s retirement and the gang’s graduation is drawing near and everybody is excited, except for Dawn. Witnessing the preparation for next year and the new changes being made at the school makes Dawn uneasy. She begins to become anxious about moving on from Manny High and the thought of being apart from her friends when they all go their separate ways in the fall.

Ms. Noble’s retiring? It’s about damn time! I mean, I understand that Ms. Noble didn’t have much of a life outside of telling people who to do but still, it seems like it would get boring after a while. Then again, maybe she was just retiring so she could follow the Chris and Jamal to college and continue to yell at them for not devoting more time to church and charity. As for Dawn’s feelings, I can relate. I felt the same way when I graduated high school.

Unfortunately, there are many season 5 episodes that are not available to stream and this is one of them. So, this is as good a review as this episode is going to get. Let’s move on to an episode that actually be reviewed.

Episode 5.22 “Video Killed The Radio Star”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

No, your eyes are not deceiving you! Because Ms. Noble is retiring, the graduating class of Manny High decided to pool their money and put a cheap-looking bust of her in front of the school. Ms. Noble is certainly excited but seriously, in what world would this happen? Graduation is coming up. People are making plans to either go to college or get a job. Everyone should be moving on from high school and instead, the students are spending their money on a statue of their principal? Who, in the world, loves their principal this much!?

Now, it should be noted that someone does immediately starts vandalizing the statue, which is perhaps the most realistic thing that has ever happened on City Guys. At first, the statue is covered in clown make up. Then someone puts an Abraham Lincoln beard on it. Finally, Ms. Noble spends the night in the courtyard, pretends to be her own statue, and discovers that Al and L-Train are behind the vandalism because, of course, they are. It’s not like there’s any other students at the school.

As dumb as the whole statue subplot is, it’s nowhere near as bad as this episode’s A-plot. Ms. Noble tells Chris and Jamal that there is an opening to produce a television show for Manny High. (Manny High has a television studio?) Chris and Jamal both say that they don’t need to be on TV as long as they have their radio show. Instead, Dawn, Cassidy, Al, and L-Train end up producing an abomination called Muffy The Werewolf Slapper.

Yes, Muffy is meant to be a parody of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And yes, everyone at Manny High loves it even though it’s not that funny. (Dawn and Cassidy plays cheerleaders who love Freddie Prinze, Jr. and fighting werewolves. L-Train and Al are the werewolves who just want to date Dawn and Cassidy.) Unfortunately, since Muffy airs at the same time as Chris and Jamal’s radio show, Chris and Jamal lose all of their listeners. (I’ve always been stunned at the idea of anyone setting their schedule around Chris and Jamal’s tired radio schtick.) Feeling jealous, Chris and Jamal sabotage the recording of an episode of Muffy. Feeling guilty, they confess on the radio and then appear on the next episode of Muffy, playing two cheerleaders who try to steal Al and L-Train away from the werewolf slappers.

It was dumb. The whole thing was just mind-numbingly dumb. Watching these final episodes of City Guys, one gets the idea that everyone involved in the show mentally checked out long before shooting their final episode.

Speaking of final episodes, it’s only two weeks away! Finally, some good news.

Retro Television Review: City Guys 5.19 “Model Behavior” and 5.20 “Almost Fatal”

Posted on August 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Seriously, how have we not reached the final episode yet?

Episode 5.19 “Model Behavior”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 17th, 2001)

I have to admit that, with each week, it gets harder and harder for me to watch and review this stupid show. I’m currently on the final season and there’s only a few more episodes left to go but, every Thursday, I literally have to force myself to sit through whatever episodes are available on YouTube. City Guys was never a particularly original show to begin with. I mean, the only thing that distinguishes it from every other show that Peter Engel produced for NBC was that the cast was a bit more diverse than usual. But, by the fifth season, it was obvious that the writers were out of ideas and the cast was ready to move on. I’m at the point that, whenever I hear Al call his ex-girlfriend “Dawny Dawn,” I want to throw something across the room. Whenever Ms. Noble starts to talk down to her students, I want to scream. Whenever Chris say something dorky or Jamal asks someone to “Help a brother out,” I silently groan. It’s all so predictable that I feel like I could probably just guess what happened in each episode and be correct.

As for this episode, Jamal has a girlfriend! Now, because so much of Season 5 is not streaming online, I don’t know if this episode is the first time that we’ve seen Rosie (Jenna Watson) but apparently, she and Jamal are very much an established couple. Rosie gets an opportunity to be a model and Jamal throws a fit because he doesn’t want other guys checking out his girlfriend, even though Jamal was earlier doing the same thing to Rosie’s fellow models. When Rosie calls him out on it, Jamal learns an important lessons about double standards. Personally, I’m amazed that a successful model like Rosie would waste her time with someone who can barely handle running the cash register at the Manhattan Diner.

Meanwhile, Dawn is organizing a week-long trip to Florida and one of the students who was meant to be a part of the group has to drop out after she gets mono. Ms. Noble tells Dawn that it’s up to her to select who will be the replacement. Al and L-Train suck up to Dawn and try to convince her to take them to Florida. Dawn picks some guy named Jason instead and Ms. Noble gives Al and L-Train a week of detention. In the past, this is the type of B-plot that would have been saved by the comic timing of Steven Daniel but, at this point, I’m even tired of L-Train. To be honest, I don’t know why Dawn didn’t just pick her best friend Cassidy.

This episode just felt tired. The Florida trip made no sense whatsoever while the model storyline just made me think about how much better California Dreams would have handled the whole thing. I’ve been reviewing City Guys for nearly a year now and I’m definitely ready to move on.

Episode 5.20 “Almost Fatal”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 17th, 2001)

Here’s the plot description for Wikipedia:

After Chris, Jamal, and El-Train survive a car crash, they start going through some changes as they now view life in a whole new perspective. The three friends begin live to their lives on the edge by doing certain activities to the extreme.

This is one of the many season 5 episodes that is not currently streaming anywhere. That’s kind of a shame because the plot description makes it sound like this episode could have been interesting or, at the very least, memorably bad. That said, if I had to guess, I’d say that this was probably just another episode where everyone spent too much time hanging out on the roof and getting a stern talking to from Ms. Noble.

Next week, I’ll be more another episode closer to being done with this show!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.17 “Prose and Cons” and 5.18 “Why Y’All Clippin”

Posted on July 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, L-Train becomes a poet and “the kids” try to prank Ms. Noble because they literally have no life beyond obsessing on their principal. But before we get to any of that, let’s listen to that theme song and thrill to the shots of Scott Whyte and Wesley Jonathan wandering around New York City and totally looking like tourists.

Episode 5.17 “Prose and Cons”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

Chris, Al, and Jamal are obsessed with pranking Ms. Noble. Apparently, in his entire history as principal of Manny High, Ms. Noble has never been pranked. It’s something in which she takes a lot of pride, to the extent that she taunts Chris, Al, and Jamal about the fact that she’s never been pranked….

Does this sound familiar? Yes, because Ms. Bliss did the same thing on the forerunner to Saved By The Bell, Good Morning, Miss Bliss. Then, when she sat down on a chair that had been covered in brown paint and ruined her sweater, she accused Screech of being responsible and held a mock trail in her classroom. Of course, it turned out that Ms. Bliss actually pranked herself to teach the class a valuable lesson and to traumatize Screech in the process.

Anyway, the boys try to prank Ms. Noble by sabotaging a water fountain but that just leads to Cassidy getting sprayed by a bunch of water. And then they attempted to replace her gardening magazine with a magazine full of naked men that Jamal just happened to have with him for some reason but, once again, Cassidy and Dawn showed up and caused Ms. Noble to accidentally spill coffee on the magazine before Ms. Noble could read it. For their final attempt, Chris, Jamal, and Al somehow sneak a bunch of farm animals and several bakes of hay into Ms. Noble’s office. They manage to prank her but, while Al is sneaking in the animals, Ms. Noble unknowingly praises Chris and Jamal for showing so much maturity in not trying to prank her. So, Ms. Noble gets pranked but Chris and Jamal end up feeling guilty.

The prank stuff was stupid but it was at least kind of funny in the very silly way that Peter Engel’s better shows often were. Of course, the prank stuff was also only the B-plot.

The A-plot features L-Train suddenly becoming a poet and winning so many new fans that he starts to ignore his girlfriend, Kianna. The main problem with this storyline is that L-Train’s poetry sucked and the idea that he would become a hero at the local jazz club due to his doggerel was never a believable one. As always, Steven Daniel delivered his lines with a likable sincerity but the story itself just felt rushed. City Guys was nearly over by this point and it’s hard not to feel that the writers were just treading water.

Episode 5.18 “Why Y’All Clippin”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

Here’s the plot description from Wikipedia:

In this clip show, the whole gang is having problems over a yearbook picture and are giving each other the silent treatment. So Ms. Noble calls everybody to Manny High on Saturday to work things out by reflecting on memories of the good, the bad, and the ugly that they had over the span of their time as friends.

Hey, it’s a clip show! I hate those. I guess it’s a good thing that this is one of the season 5 episodes that is not available on YouTube.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents” and 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”

Posted on February 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Indiana’s greatest basketball team heads for the ski slopes!

Episode 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

I did a double-take when this episode opened with shots of a snowy ski lodge. It wasn’t so much that this episode was taking place outside of Indiana (as we did just go through the whole California thing) as much as I thought the show had already done a ski lodge episode, one in which a man dressed as a yeti was trying to keep Mary Beth’s father from developing the land. However, once the episode began, I realized I was thinking of the episode of California Dreams where everyone is invited to Lorena’s father’s ski lodge.

(That said, I’m pretty sure it’s the same set that was used in not only California Dreams but also Saved By The Bell: The New Class.)

Instead, in this episode, Mary Beth’s parents have invited the entire basketball team out to a ski lodge to help celebrate Mary Beth’s birthday. That includes Coach Fuller, who is super excited about going ice fishing and catching a legendary bass. Again, that’s not surprising. In the world of Peter Engel-produced sitcoms, parents were always inviting and paying for their children’s friends to come vacation with them. But you do have to wonder why only the basketball team has been invited. Doesn’t Mary Beth have other friends that would have wanted to come? Obviously, Mary Beth is close to Julie and Kristy and she and Vince have an unlikely flirtation going on. But why invite Teddy and Michael, two people with whom she’s had next to nothing to do with over the course of the series? And why invite Coach Fuller? Fuller’s an adult. Does he not have a life outside of his job? Does no one find the idea of a man in his 40s going on vacation with a bunch of high school students to be a little bit creepy?

That said, even though he shouldn’t be there, Fuller is super-excited about ice fishing and the team is super-excited about watching him ice fish, which really doesn’t seem like something to get that excited about. However, there’s more going on here than just Fuller trying to relive his fishing glory days. Instead of going ice fishing, Vince stays back at the lodge and overhears Mary Beth’s parents talking about getting a divorce! Vince can’t bring himself to tell Mary Beth about what he’s heard and, if we’re going to be perfectly honest, it’s not really his place to tell her because he’s not family. However, when the rest of the team returns from Fuller’s fishing cabin, Vince tells them and then Mary Beth walks in right when Teddy is making the same point that I just made. “If anyone is going to tell Mary Beth about her parents getting divorced, it should be Mary Beth’s parents!” Teddy says while a stunned Mary Beth stands behind him.

Now, let’s give the show some credit. At first, Mary Beth is in denial about her parent’s getting divorced and then she moves into the anger phase and then the bargaining stage. And, for me, it brought back a lot of memories of going through my own parent’s divorce and the show, at first, handled things with a lot more sensitivity than you would expect from a Peter Engel-produced sitcom. But then, because this is a Peter Engel show, things get cartoonish as Mary Beth tries to save her parent’s marriage by recreating their honeymoon in Mexico, which means that Mary Beth speaks in an exaggerated Mexican accent while Vince puts on a sombrero and a fake mustache. It doesn’t work but, fortunately, Mary Beth moves from anger to acceptance in record time.

Again, let’s give some credit where credit is due. I’ve been pretty critical of the Vince/Mary Beth pairing but Megan Parlen and Michael Sullivan both have a lot of chemistry in this episode and Sullivan, in particular, is better here than he’s been in any of the previous episodes. And even the ice fishing storyline pays off as the normally stiff Reggie Theus really gets into trash-talking a legendary giant bass. Fuller catches the bass (which is obviously a fake, rubber fish) but then he tosses it back in the lake. It would be a touching moment if the bass actually looked like real, living fish as opposed to a rubber toy.

Flaws and all, this was ultimately a pretty good episode. Will the streak continue with our second ski lodge episode?

Episode 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

We’re still at the ski lodge! Mary Beth’s parents are nowhere to be seen but we know that they’re still getting divorced because Vince gives Mary Beth an expensive ring to help her get over it. Awwwwwww! Unfortunately, Mary Beth loses the ring, which leads to her going through a lot of trouble to keep Danny from finding out. But then she finds it in her pocket and everything’s okay. Yay! This whole storyline made me anxious. I hate plots that could easily be resolved by one person just telling the truth about what happened.

Meanwhile, the Lodge is holding auditions for a new comedian to perform at their comedy club and Danny decides to audition, despite the fact that he’s only there on vacation and will presumably be going back to Indiana in a day or two. I’m not sure that Danny has really thought this through. When Danny gets get on stage, he suffers from stage fright and freezes. Fortunately, Teddy joins him on stage and they become a comedy duo. They’re both hired! But Teddy eventually realizes that stand-up comedy is Danny’s dream and he allows Danny to perform the show alone. It’s kind of pointless, as none of the jokes are particularly funny and it’s kind of a stretch to imagine a club full of wealthy adults going crazy over Danny joking about reading his girlfriend’s diary.

This episode features an extended sequence in which Danny imagines himself as being Jerry Seinfeld. CRINGE!

Next week, the ski lodge adventure continues!

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.13 “Game Day”

Posted on October 17, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for championship so let’s get to it!

Episode 1.13 “Game Day”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

The final episode of Hang Time‘s first season opens not with the team practicing or Coach Fuller coaching. Instead, it opens with the Deering High gym dark and deserted, with the exception of Samantha. Samantha sits in the bleachers, writing in her diary. As I watched this scene, it occurred to me that, after 12 episodes, we know next to nothing about Sam beyond the fact that she works at the Sports Shack, she’s the equipment manager, and she’s dating Danny. Does she have a family? Does she have parents who wonder why she’s hanging out at the gym in the middle of the night? Why can’t she write in her journal at home? I get the feeling that Sam’s home life must have been some sort of Dickensian nightmare.

Anyway, this episode revolves around Sam remembering the days leading up the championship game and the game itself. She writes that she had never seen Coach Fuller “so pumped,” which means that we get a flashback of Fuller talking to the team in the locker room and yes, he does seem pretty excited. Fuller tells the team that “I know the Huskies are undefeated …. but I know we’re going to win tonight because we’re a family!”

(Here’s my thing, though. The Huskies are undefeated but the Tornadoes are not. So why is the championship being played at Deering High instead of wherever it is that the Huskies are from?)

Fuller leaves the locker room and everyone starts fighting! Oh no! There’s trouble in basketball world! Michael thinks he’s jinxed! Danny and Sam are arguing! Chris and Julie aren’t even talking!

“But I’m getting ahead of myself,” Sam writes, “This all started Monday morning.”

And so, we go even further into the flashback machine. Julie gives Chris a massage outside the school but gets upset when Chris accidentally calls her “Mary Beth.” “It just slipped out!” Chris replies, something that he probably says to Julie a lot. Julie gets upset.

Meanwhile, while having a picnic in the gym (again, with the gym), Sam tells Danny that she loves him. Danny panics and replies, “I like you a lot.” AGCK! Bad move, Danny. It’s bad enough that Sam is apparently not allowed to leave the gym. She’s also got a coward for a boyfriend.

At practice, Coach Fuller tells everyone that they have to play as a team. Fuller says that Chris’s playing has sucked over the past few weeks. What could Chris be doing differently than before? Let’s see. When Chris was playing well, he was dating Mary Beth. Now, he’s dating …. uh oh. Mary Beth overhears and mentions that she used to always kiss Chris before every game. Now, of course, Chris is dating Julie and Julie apparently doesn’t believe in showing affection so it sucks to be Chris.

At lunch, Julie tells Sam that she grew up with four brothers and they can play “every Led Zeppelin song through use of their armpits.” I don’t know if I believe that. Some of those songs are pretty long. Stairway to Heaven is like a 50-minute song if I remember correctly. Julie is worried Chris isn’t over Mary Beth. Sam says that she has nothing to worry about and then writes, “Sometimes, you have to lie through your teeth.”

Danny tries to apologize to Sam, explaining the he thinks people are too quick to use the “L-word.” Sam says she understands but then Danny casually mentions that he “loves” tuna fish. Meanwhile, Earl freaks out because Michael walks under a ladder. Everyone’s getting a storyline in this episode!

Chris also gives into his superstition, sharing a kiss with Mary Beth before the game. Actually, he shares several. He’s so busy kissing her that he doesn’t notice Julie coming out of the locker room until the last minute! Uh-oh.

The game begins with everyone angry at each other. Myself, I’m more concerned that the other team is being played by people who obviously were basketball players and, as a result, they tower over the Deering Tornadoes.

(Incidentally, I spell Tornadoes with an E. Judging by the banners hanging in the Deering High gym, this show does not. However, I’m the one writing the review.)

Before the game begins, Julie tells Chris that she’s not going to be a runner-up to anyone. (But seriously, Mary Beth is so cool that if you were going to be runner up to someone….) Julie then kisses Earl to show that she can have any guy she wants. Earl does the chef’s kiss motion while Chris stares on horrified.

Despite their problems, the Deering High Tornadoes still take the lead. However, Coach Fuller is angry because the score is still too close in his opinion. Hey, Coach, they’re winning! A win is a win. Fuller does praise Chris for playing a great game. We all know who deserves the credit for that. Mary Beth better get the game ball.

In a subplot that is so stupid that I’ve been tying to avoid mentioning it, Michael has been trying to play the game without stepping on any cracks on the gym floor. (He doesn’t want to break his mother’s back. I told you it was stupid.) Fuller yanks him out of the game and sends in a previously unseen player as a replacement. The new player’s name is Bryan Kuta, which feels like such a random name that I’m assuming that was either the actor’s real name or the name of someone on the show’s crew. Later, when Fuller tries to send Michael back into the game, Michael refuses because there’s only 13 seconds left in the quarter. I would make fun of Michael but, to be honest, I refuse to use odd numbers. If you’ve ever wondered why I always use four periods for an ellipsis instead of the standard three …. well, now you know. Anyway, Fuller gives Michael a piece of tape and tells him to use it as a good luck charm.

Danny gets knocked to the ground. Samantha runs out on court to make sure that he’s okay. Michael interrupts the game by grabbing a microphone and announcing, “Samantha Morgan, I love you.” Awwwwwww! Yes, it’s cringey but Sam and Danny are a cute couple so it works.

With only 30 seconds left in the game, Coach Fuller pulls Chris and Julie off the court and replaces them with the second-string players. Of course, the Tornados are up by ten. Let’s see if Fuller would be so nice if it was a one point game! Chris tells Julie that all of the luck came from Julie and not Mary Beth. Personally, I think we all know that Mary Beth deserves all the credit.

The Tornadoes win the championship 84-75. “Well, congratulations,” Fuller tells the players, “You’re the champs.” That wasn’t much of a speech but …. Yay, I guess.

And so, the first season comes to an end. Chris and Julie are a couple! Danny and Sam are in love! Michael is going to be a star! Earl already is a star! I can’t wait to see what happens to all of them next season….

Oh, alright. I’ll tell you what happens next season. Chris, Sam, Michael, and Earl are written out of the show and all of tonight’s storylines are forgotten about. Join us next week for …. THE NEW HANG TIME!

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.5 “Oh Captain, My Captain” and 1.6 “Earl Makes The Grade”

Posted on September 19, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The season has finally begun. Julie won one game. Michael lost one game. Danny and Sam are now a couple. Will Deering High continue its winning/losing ways? Let’s find out!

Hang Time!

Episode 1.5 “Oh Captain, My Captain”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on September 30th, 1995)

In order to shake up the team and hopefully have a winning season, Coach Fuller decides to switch around everyone’s positions. I have to admit that, while watching this episode, I was forced to reflect on how little I actually know about basketball. For instance, I was stunned to discover that the players have specific positions. I honestly thought that everyone just ran around the court and tried to steal the ball.

Chris isn’t happy about having to switch positions because he thinks that it might make it more difficult for him to get a college scholarship. (Chris is like 5’7 so maybe it would be a good idea for him to at least consider other options.) Chris resigns as team captain. Coach Fuller appoints Danny as the new team captain. Teams have captains? I’m learning a lot from this show. Eventually, Chris learns to put the team first and Danny hands the captainship (or whatever it’s called) back over to him.

In the B-plot, Michael gets a job working at Earl’s farm. Chaos ensues but Michael learns an important lesson about how difficult farm work is.

This episode had one good joke, in which Mary Beth sent Coach Fuller a legal summons because her father gave her an attorney for her birthday and she figured she should make use of her presents.

Otherwise, this episode had a bit too much basketball for me, which is obviously kind of a silly complaint to make about a show that’s about basketball. I have to admit that this show doesn’t do much for my rebellious spirit. The main lesson was always to listen to the coach and put the team first. Bleh. BE A REBEL!

Episode 1.6 “Earl Makes The Grade”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on October 14th, 1995)

Deering High has a game coming up against their hated rivals, Valley High …. oh wait a minute. Sorry, Valley High was Bayside’s rival. Deering High is going up against Dover High. Earl, however, is flunking history. He has to pass his big midterm if he’s going to play. Unfortunately, a new girl is distracting Earl from studying. She’s making him stay up late and kissing him whenever he tries to study. It turns out that it’s all a plot to keep Earl from playing in the game, like that time Valley stole Screech’s lucky beret right before the big chess match. After Earl’s new girlfriend framed him for cheating on the test, Coach Fuller declared, “You let your team down, Earl.”

Good Lord, is it a team or is it a cult?

Anyway, everything works out due to the TNBC law of people always doing obviously stupid stuff. Immediately after Earl gets kicked off the team, Earl’s fake girlfriend started making out with a player on the other team in Deering High’s gym, right in the middle of the Deering/Dover game. Anyway, once it becomes clear that Earl was framed, he’s allowed to rejoin the team and Dover gets destroyed. Yay!

The B-plot dealt with a prank war between Julie and Danny. Remember the Bayside/Valley prank war?

My point is that this was pretty much a Saved By The Bell episode that got reused on Hang Time. That said, Robert Michael Ryan gave a pretty good performance as Earl and you actually did feel sorry for him when he discovered how cruelly he had been treated. Earl was just too innocent for this world.

Will Deering continue to win their games? Check back next week to find out!

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.3 “Full Court Press” and 1.4 “Will The Real Michael Maxwell Please Stand Up?”

Posted on September 12, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Finally! It’s time for the Deering Tornadoes to actually play a game! Will Julie and the rest of the team live up to the hype? And when will the show realize that they need a better theme song?

I’ll always remember me and my friends at Hang Time!

Episode 1.3 “Full Court Press”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on September 23rd, 1995)

The season is about to begin and the press are invading Deering High, all so they can report on Julie Connor, the first girl to ever play basketball in high school. (At least, that’s the way the story is reported.) The press is only interested in talking about Julie. All of the fans are only interested in getting Julie’s autograph. Julie has strangers walking up to her and telling her that she’s going to be a huge star. The rest of the team starts to get jealous. Coach Fuller is forced to close the practices to the public. “Connor, get the stars out of your eyes!” he says. He also reminds her to always mention her teammates while being interviewed.

Unfortunately, the fame starts to go to Julie’s head. “Big decision,” she says, “do I go on Leno or Letterman?” On the day of the first game, she’s late because she has to go to a photoshoot. Coach Fuller punishes her by putting her on the bench. “Ohhhhh!” the audience says.

Julie is forced to sit on the bench until the third quarter or half or whatever it is that they play in basketball. However, when the Tornadoes start to lose, Fuller puts Julie in the game. At first, the team still snubs her but then Julie calls a timeout and apologizes. Then the boys call another timeout to apologize to Julie. Then Danny calls a third timeout to apologize personally. Despite all of the timeouts, the team goes on to win by one point. That point was scored by Julie. So, apparently, Julie was totally correct about thinking that she was the most important player on the team.

Meanwhile, Mary Beth saved Earl from choking to death so Earl gives her a pig.

Episode 1.4 “Will The Real Michael Maxwell Please Stand Up”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on October 7th, 1995)

Deering High won their first game, by one point, thanks to Julie. However, they lose their second game, again by one point, thanks to Michael Maxwell. Michael misses not one but two free throws! He then makes the mistake of saying, “I choked” while in the presence of reporters. The next day, guess what the headline on the front page of the newspaper is!

Anyway, Michael loses his confidence but then he’s given a pep talk by his idol, Grant Hill, who I guess was a real basketball player at the time.

Meanwhile, Danny is still trying to work up the courage to ask out Julie. Samantha tries to help him out, mostly because Samantha likes him. At first, Danny is too stupid to understand this but, by the end of the episode, he and Samantha are a seriously cute couple.

My thoughts on these two episodes is that I don’t know a thing about basketball and the first season was all about basketball. As a result, the first season was uneven (for me, at least) but the show would eventually develop its own weird charm. At this point, I’m just waiting for the theme song to change and for the Tornadoes to actually win or lose a game by more than one point.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.1 “The Pilot” and 1.2 “Trouble in Paradise”

Posted on September 5, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hang Time! I’ll always remember my friends at Hang Time!

Imagine California Dreams if it took place in Indiana and if, instead of music, everyone was obsessed with basketball. That’s Hang Time!

Produced by Peter Engel, Hang Time followed the adventures of the Deering High School basketball team. Somewhat notoriously, the cast regularly changed from season to season, with only two members of the cast sticking with the show for every season. The first season featured:

David Hanson as Chris Atwater, the star of Deering High’s basketball team,

Daniella Deutscher as Julie Connor, the newest member of the team,

Chad Gabriel as Danny Mellon, the quirky member of the team who had a crush on Julie,

Megan Parlen as Mary Beth Pepperton, the materialistic head cheerleader who was dating Chris,

Robert Michael Ryan as Earl Hatfield, the dumb country boy who loved basketball and worked as a mall security guard,

Christian Belanvis as Michael Maxwell, who had a lot of talent and an ego to match,

Hillary Tuck as Samantha Morton, the hyper organized team manager,

and

Reggie Theus as Bill Fuller, a former pro player who returned to his old high school to coach the team.

Season one of Hang Time also had an absolutely horrid theme song, one that was luckily abandoned after the season ended.

Episode 1.1 “The Pilot”

(Directed by Howard Murray, Originally aired on September 9th, 1995)

Oh my God, this was bad….

I mean, pilots are usually bad because the characters aren’t as nuanced as they will later be and the initial storyline usually tries to hard to establish everyone’s role in the show’s hierarchy. Veteran retro television viewers know better than to expect anything good from an episode with the dreaded title of “The Pilot.”

That said, the pilot of Hang Time was really, really bad. The show itself was never exactly good but it did eventually develop an oft-kilter charm. But none of that charm is present in the first episode of the show.

Julie Connor (Daniella Deutscher) transfers to Deering High and tries out for the school’s basketball team. A girl playing basketball!? GASP! Anyway, Julie turns out to be a slightly above average basketball player and wins a place on the team and …. well, that’s about it. It would probably seem like more of an accomplishment if it appeared that there was any real competition when it came to getting on the team. Instead, only a handful of people seem to be interested in playing basketball and at least a few of them seem to be …. well, kind of short.

I understand that Reggie Theus was a former basketball player-turned-actor. Judging from this pilot, as an actor, he was a very good athlete.

Episode 1.2 “Trouble in Paradise”

(Directed by Howard Murray, Originally aired on September 16th, 1995)

“You should be home, baking a Cake!” a drunk basketball fan yells at Julie when she and Chris attend a pro basketball game. Julie challenges the jerk to a game. Chris tries to maintain calm. Unfortunately, it gets both Julie and Chris on TV, which leads to Mary Beth and Danny getting jealous.

Bleh. This was a dumb episode. Mary Beth, who doesn’t care about basketball, was the only character to whom I could relate.

The first two episodes of Hang Time felt like California Dreams, without the music. Hang Time would eventually develop a style of its own, with Megan Parlen especially proving herself to be a capable comedic actress. But that style really isn’t present in much of the first season.

Next week: The Deering Tornadoes finally play a game!

Retro Television Reviews: One World 1.1 “Hurricane Jane” and 1.2 “What’s In A Name?”

Posted on September 2, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

City Guys wasn’t the only “edgy” show that Peter Engel produced for TNBC. There was also …. ONE WORLD!

One World told the story of a Miami-based multicultural foster family. Dave Blake (Michael Toland) was former baseball player turned high school coach. His wife, Karen (Elizabeth Morehead), was an art teacher. They owned a nice big house and they adopted troubled teens as a hobby.

Among the members of their family:

Ben Blake (Bryan Kirkwood) was a recovering alcoholic who played in a band and dated a lot of girls.

Jane (Arroyn Lloyd) was the latest addition to the family. She wore a leather jacket, liked zombie movies, and had an extensive criminal record.

Neal Smith (Harvey Silver) was the former gang member turned honors student.

Marci Blake (Alicia Reyes) was obsessed with making money.

Sui Blake (Michelle Krusiec) was obsessed with boys and fashion.

Cray Blake (Brandon Baker) was the youngest of the family.

Together, they were living in One World!

Episode 1.1 “Hurricane Jane”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

The very first episode of One World opens with Sui bragging to her stepparents that she set a new record while running. “Were the cops chasing you again?” Stepdad asks, while the audience laughs. Hence, from the very first joke, it’s established that the Blakes aren’t very good foster parents. Indeed, it’s interesting how many future episodes will revolve around the Blake children getting arrested for doing something and then freaking out about the inevitable visit from a social worker. As Mrs. Blake puts it in this episode, “We didn’t want normal kids. We wanted the worst kids we could find!”

(That said, none of the kids really seem to be that bad, despite all of their talk about how they were once homeless criminals. This is a Peter Engel production, after all.)

New arrival Jane joins the household and immediately pegs them as being “The Brady Bunch. Jane announces that she’s not staying and tells her stepsiblings to drop dead. “Once you get to know me, you won’t want me around!” Jane declares, “No one ever has and no one ever will!” Jane is even more upset to learn that The Warehouse (“the most happening under-21 club in Miami,” as her stepbrother, Ben, puts it) doesn’t serve alcohol. Fortunately, a hurricane blows into town and Jane is forced to stick around and bond with her new family. In other words, the hurricane was God’s way of forcing Jane to stay with her new family and pursue her obvious crush on Ben.

The hurricane also allows Marci a chance to make some money off of other people’s suffering. She hoards supplies so that she can sell them after the disaster. That’s actually not a bad business plan but you really do have to wonder if the Blakes realize that they’re raising a family of sociopaths. That said, Marci does have a sudden change of hearts and ends up giving away everything that she’s hoarded.

As far as first episodes are concerned, this one wasn’t so bad. I liked Jane’s bad attitude and her anger, which brought a different energy to this episode from what you would typically expect from a Peter Engel production. And I related to Sui and her appreciation of the better things in life. That said, I don’t know if I would have willingly gone out in a hurricane to look for anyone who wasn’t a cat.

Episode 1.2 “What’s In A Name?”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on September 19th, 1998)

“The next kid we get is going to be kosher!” Dave Blake announces when he discovers that all of the bacon has been eaten before he gets a chance to have anyone.

Wow, Dave, way to only think about yourself!

In the second episode of One World, the Blakes formally adopt Neal but Neal has to decide whether to to change his last name from Smith to Blake. Neal decides that he’s happy to be a part of the Blake family but he still wants to hold onto his past by retaining his “Smith” name. This episode would have perhaps been more effective if Neal didn’t have the most common last name in the world.

In the show’s B-plot, Sui was dating a player on Dave’s baseball team. At first, Dave didn’t want Sui dating one of his players but then the player had a good game. “Now, I’m trying to figure out how you can date all of my players!” Dave says. Uhmm, okay, Dave. That’s not a creepy thing for a foster parent to say at all.

Will the Blakes be able to create he perfect family? Will Jane ever feel at home with the Brady Bunch? We shall find out next week …. maybe.