BOS”

Posted on October 14, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Janet Leigh boards the boat and probably ends up wishing she hadn’t.

Episode 8.16 “Instinct/Unmade for Each Other/BOS”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 5th, 1985)

Leslie (Vic Tayback) pays money to a computer dating service and is told to meet his date Shelley in the lobby of the Pacific Princess.

Shelley (Conrad Bain) also pay money to the same computer dating service and he is also told to meet his date on the Pacific Princess. The name of his date? Leslie.

Uh-oh! There’s been a mistake! At first, the plain-spoken Leslie and the fussy Shelley just laugh it off and agree to enjoy the cruise. But then they both fall for Joan Phillipps (Janet Leigh). Joan tells both men that she loves them because she’s enjoying the attention. Eventually, Leslie learns that Joan has been making fun of him behind his back and Shelley discover that Joan has been doing the same thing to him. Leslie and Shelley agree to be friends and hit the New Yok singles scene together.

Uhmm …. okay, then. The main problem with this storyline was that it asked us to believe that Janet Leigh couldn’t do better than Vic Tayback and Conrad Bain.

Meanwhile, Emelyne Namackere (a very annoying Irlene Mandrell) boards the ship with the expectation that her long-distance boyfriend will be waiting for her. Instead, Neil Bonhoff (Bruce Penhall) shows up and introduces himself as a friend of Emelyne’s boyfriend. Neil explains that Emelyne’s boyfriend has gotten married and that he sent Neil in his place. Emelyne is upset but eventually she falls for Neil. She sleeps with Neil and then announces that she knows Neil is going to dump her because men don’t marry women who they don’t respect. (Yikes!) Neil responds by asking Emelyne to marry him. Emelyne says yes and then she discovers that Neil was lying about her boyfriend getting married. Sneaky Neil! But, as is so often the case on The Love Boat, Emelyne is eventually willing to overlook a history of sociopathic deception in the name of love.

Those stories were both pretty bad. Fortunately, the third story is a bit better. Isaac falls for Lynda Miles (Berlinda Tolbert), who is member of a New Age self-help movement called BOS. At first, Isaac just pretends to be into BOS to get Lynda to talk to him but soon, he becomes a believer. His new openness with his emotions makes his co-workers uncomfortable. It’s a very simple story but Ted Lange sells it. As for BOS itself, it sounds like a cult so I’m glad Isaac appears to be over it by the end of the episode.

This episode was pretty forgettable. Irlene Mandrell and Bruce Penhall had an amazing lack of chemistry and their story was almost painful to watch as a result. Janet Leigh deserved better.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.15 “Santa, Santa, Santa/Another Dog Gone Christmas/Noel’s Christmas Carol”

Posted on October 7, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Merry Christmas!

Episode 8.15 “Santa, Santa, Santa/Another Dog Gone Christmas/Noel’s Christmas Carol”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 15th, 1984)

It’s time for the Christmas voyage!

Assigned to hire a Santa Claus for the trip, Judy McCoy has finally managed to find one in the surprisingly thin form of Max Phelps (Ray Waltson). Uh-oh! Apparently, Gopher didn’t get the memo and he hired a Santa Claus of his own, Patrick Turney (Avery Schreiber). Well, this is awkward but surely …. wait a minute, who is that with Isaac? Isaac also hired a Santa Claus, in this case Shakespearean actor Malcolm (Scatman Crothers)!

How did this happen and I mean that sincerely. I guess I can understand Gopher having the power to hire a Santa Claus because he is the ship’s pursuer. But why is Isaac hiring people? How does the Captain not know who is and who isn’t being hired for his ship? And why didn’t either Gopher or Isaac tell Judy that they hired a Santa Claus?

These are legitimate questions but they really don’t matter. The three Santa Clauses are all wonderful in their roles and watching them try to outdo each other is actually pretty entertaining. This is a storyline that worked better than it had any right to, largely because there wasn’t a hint of cynicism to be found on The Love Boat. Most modern sitcoms would have made the Santa Clauses angry or bitter. But, on The Love Boat, three Santas are always better than one!

As for the other stories, Carol Kelsey (Kim Lankford) lies to her mother (Anne Francis) and tells her that Ace is her fiancé. Carol is just trying to get her mother off of her back. But when Carol falls for Ace’s friend, Noel Kane (Shea Farrell), Carol’s mother fears that her daughter is cheating on Ace. No worries! What can go wrong when you fall in love with someone named Noel on Christmas? Again, this is another episode that worked specifically because of The Love Boat’s utter and complete earnestness. It was goofy and it was perfect for a Christmas voyage.

Finally, Vicki is sailing with her dog, Tundra (played by the adorable Tundra The Wonder Dog). Because Vicki’s aunt and uncle can no longer look after Tundra and a boat is no place for a dog to live, she gives Tundra to a down-on-his luck stand-up comedian (Howard Morris). This was such a sweet story that it brought tears to my eyes. Tundra was adorable and he brought a lot of cheer to the entire boat.

Wow, Christmas in October! Happy holidays everyone!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.14 “Country Blues/A Matter of Taste/Frat Brothers Forever”

Posted on September 30, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Adam’s old fraternity brother takes a cruise. He’s got a secret!

Episode 8.14 “Country Blues/A Matter of Taste/Frat Brothers Forever”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on December 8th, 1984)

Simon (Farley Granger) and Valerie (Terry Moore) used to be lovers but now, they’re rival interior designers. They are competing for the chance to redesign that ship’s cabins and, of course, they both end up sabotaging each other. The Captain grows so frustrated that he decides that the cabins are fine just the way they are and I agree. The cabins are functional and bland and they encourage the passengers to spend most of their time in either the lounge or at the pool. As for Simon and Valerie, they realize that they’re still in love. It’s a win-win-win for everyone.

Country singer Billy Bodine (Matt McCoy) falls in love with Arlene Cort (Leah Ayres), little realizing that she’s been bribed by his manager, Cappy (Claude Akins), to break his heart. Billy writes his most popular songs when he’s depressed. After she lies to him about having another lover, Arlene feels terrible, especially after she learns that she’s inspired Billy to write not just one but two songs about how heartbroken he is. Arlene wants to come lean but, if Arlene confesses, she’ll lose her chance to be on the big Kenny Rogers television special. Of course, Arlene does confesse. Love is more important than Kenny. Billy fires Cappy. Cappy doesn’t care. Cappy announces that he’s going to go into the pickle-selling business and make a million dollars. Arlene finds love but she does lose her chance to be a big TV star. So, this one is a win-lose-win.

Finally, Adam’s old frat brother, Buzz (Roy Thinnes), boards the ship with Jim Dolan (Michael McGrady). Buzz says that Jim is his cousin. Adam promises to find dates for both Buzz and Jim. Uhmm, Adam, I don’t think Buzz and Jim are interested in the same dates that you are.

This was the first and only episode of The Love Boat to feature a gay couple and, to my surprise, their story was actually handled with a good deal of sensitivity. Buzz fears that Adam won’t accept that he’s gay but he also doesn’t want to spend the entire cruise living a lie. (Adam keeps trying to set Buzz and Jim up with every single woman on the cruise.) When Buzz does come out to Adam, Adam is surprised but accepting. I appreciated that this episode allowed Adam to have a realistic reaction to Buzz coming out as opposed to turning Adam into some sort of idealized perfect best friend. Instead, Adam has the reaction that you would expect a good-hearted but old-fashioned boomer to have. He’s surprised and, briefly, at a loss for words. The fact that Adam does then accept Buzz for who he is and apologizes for his earlier surprise shows that people can continue to grow and learn, regardless of how old they may be.

Two of the stories were silly but the third one made up for them. This wasn’t a bad cruise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.13 “Paying the Piper/Baby Sister/Help Wanted”

Posted on September 23, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome aboard! We’re expecting you….

Episode 8.13 “Paying the Piper/Baby Sister/Help Wanted”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 1st, 1984)

Cheryl Enicker (Rue McClanahan) is sick of her husband, button manufacturer Harold (Donald O’Connor), taking her for granted. When she gives him a watch that cost $1,200, Harold points out that, since she gets all of her money from him, he basically bought the watch himself. Cheryl gets upset and hands Harold an invoice, listing everything that she’s done as a wife and mother for 25 years and demanding that Harold pay her half a million dollars. That’ll show him! After the episode, I was kind of of curious as to why the invoice was only for half a million dollars. It seems like it should have been more. I did some calculations and discovered that $520,00 in 1980 was the equivalent of $2,000,000 today. Wow!

Recent high school graduate Patty Springer (Dana Plato) can’t understand why her much older sister, Eleanor (Jaime Lynn Bauer), is freaking out about Patty hanging out with Peter Barkan (Christopher Knight). Eleanor goes as far as to kiss Peter in order to make Patty think that Peter is cheating on her. Patty’s mother, Eve (Vera Miles), suggests that Eleanor should tell Patty the truth. Eleanor isn’t actually Patty’s sister. Eleanor is …. Patty’s mother! And Eve is actually Patty’s grandmother. Needless to say, Patty is shaken by this news but she accepts it by the time the cruise ends. The Love Boat was only an hour show so most cases of generational trauma had to be resolved fairly quickly.

Kim Carlisle (Michelle Johnson) is the niece of a friend of Captain Stubing’s. Kim shows up, saying that her uncle said Stubing would find something for her to do on the ship. Kim goes from department-to-department, screwing things up. She removes all of the labels from the wine bottles so she can wash them. She snaps a picture of a man cheating on his wife. However, when she starts doing aerobics, several passengers join her. Kim is hired to be the new recreation director and — WAIT A MINUTE! I thought that was Charo’s job! Well, apparently, Charo is out and Kim is in.

This cruise was pleasant but forgettable, which seems to be becoming the norm for season 8. It didn’t take me long to guess the big twist about Eleanor being Patty’s mother. Poor Dana Plato. Knowing what I now know about her life and what the future had in store for her adds a definite melancholy feel to this episode.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.11 “My Mother, My Chaperone/The Present/The Death and Life of Sir Albert Demerest/Welcome Aboard”

Posted on September 16, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Is your mind on a new romance? Are you ready to set sail for adventure?

Episode 8.11 “My Mother, My Chaperone/The Present/The Death and Life of Sir Albert Demerest/Welcome Aboard”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 24th, 1984)

Your Love Boat crew is sailing to London!

This is another one of those two-hour episodes that was shot on location. I always enjoy these episodes, even if they are mostly just extended travelogues. This one actually has a few good storylines to go along with the scenes of the crew walking around London and France.

For instance, Marc Singer plays John Neary, Judy’s ex-husband who boards the cruise in an attempt to win her back. This was the first storyline to really feature Judy as someone other than just the perky replacement for Julie. We saw how happy she was at the prospect of getting together with John but we also saw how John consumed her life to the extent that she started screwing up at work. When John suggested that Judy’s job really wasn’t that important to begin with, we saw why their marriage failed in the first place. This was the first episode in which Judy really felt like a member of the group.

Colleen Dewhurst played Maud Correll (Colleen Dewhurst), a former actress who is sailing to London with her son, Byron (Peter Barton). On the cruise, Maud tells Byron that his father is actually the distinguished actor, Sir Albert Demerest (Trevor Howard). In London, Maud and Sir Albert meet and, in a wonderfully acted scene, Sir Albert says he isn’t sure that he wants to meet the son that he previously didn’t know he had. “It’s been 20, 21 years,” Sir Albert says, “it’s too late.” Still, Byron wants to be an actor and he visits Sir Albert at work. Albert is filming a commercial and he keeps flubbing his lines. At first, Byron is upset that his father would sell out his talents but eventually, he comes to understand that, sometimes, an actor doesn’t have a choice. The bills have to be paid.

This story was surprisingly good. Dewhurst, Howard, and Barton all gave heartfelt performances. Howard was obviously not in the best of health when he appeared on The Love Boat but his fragile appearance only adds to the poignance of the story.

Speaking of good performances, the great German actress Lili Palmer plays novelist Lily Marlowe. Lily is a cynic about love and she’s concerned when she sees that her virginal daughter, Samantha (Anna-Alicia), is falling for Roger Wembly (Morgan Stewart). And when Samantha runs into Roger’s wife in London, it appears that Lily is right. However, Roger then takes over Speakers’ Corner and gives a speech about how much he loves Samantha and how he and his wife are getting divorced. He wins over both Samantha and Lily. While the story might have been a standard Love Boat melodrama (and how convenient was that divorce?), the scenes of Lily, Samantha, and Roger in London were nice to look at. (Rainy, misty London was lovely.) And the use of Speakers’ Corner was a reminder of what the UK used to be.

Finally, Kathy Ross (Loretta Swit) decides to test the fidelity of her husband, Leonard (Dennis Holahan), by hiring a prostitute to seduce him. The prostitute, Monika (Catherine Oxenberg), hopes to get her hands on Leonard’s money by lying and breaking up his marriage with Kathy. But, after seeing how terrible Leonard feels after Kathy leaves him, Monika has a change of heart and tells the truth. This was the weakest of the episode’s stories but Catherine Oxenberg did have a few funny lines.

All in all, this was a great cruise! London brought out the best of The Love Boat.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.10 “By Hook or by Crook/Revenge with the Proper Stranger/Don’t Get Mad, Get Even”

Posted on September 9, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Love, life’s sweetest reward….

Episode 8.10 “By Hook or by Crook/Revenge with the Proper Stranger/Don’t Get Mad, Get Even”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1984)

Missy (Heidi Bohay) boards the boat with her husband, Jack (William R. Moses). Missy is upset that Jack had an affair so she decides to even score by having one of her own. She also decides that it should be with the biggest loser on the ship, the better to make Jack feel bad. She selects Lester (Ken Kercheval), who is loud and obnoxious and wears an old timey nightshirt to bed. Lester is convinced that he’s a legendary lover. However, he never gets a chance to prove it to Missy because Missy ultimately decides to forgive her husband. That’s probably for the best.

Consumer advocate Marvin Cooperman (Ray Buketencia) is upset when his wife, Carol (Jan Smithers), take an advertising job with the owner of Ms. Brown’s Brownies, Ellen Brown (Devon Erickson). Eventually, Marvin realizes that he needs to stop devoting all of his time to work and that Carol has every right to pursue a career of her own. Marvin takes over the Acapulco Lounge to let all the passengers on the ship know that he loves his wife and that Ms. Brown’s Brownies are the best. I guess Marvin was meant to be a less evil version of Ralph Nader.

Finally, Judy is feeling depressed about her divorce. When she falls for a handsome, bearded passenger named Mike (Patrick Wayne), it looks like she’s finally got something to be happy about. However, Gopher worries that there’s something strange about Mike. What is Mike trying to hide? In fact, why is Mike using the name Mike when his actual name is Sam? Could Mike be a criminal!? No, actually, Mike is an FBI agent and he’s using a fake name so he can safely go on vacation without the cartels trying to assassinate him. Gopher feels dumb. Judy’s in love. But seriously …. this guy has got a contract out on his life. Don’t get too attached, Judy! This story would have been great if Lauren Tewes was still on the show. Pat Klous is fine as Judy but the character just doesn’t have the same sibling chemistry with Gopher and Isaac that Julie did.

This cruise goes in the pleasant but forgettable file. There was nothing particularly bad about it but there wasn’t really anything great about it either. It was The Love Boat on autopilot and the ocean was lovely.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.1 The Crew’s Cruise Director/What a Drag/Doc’s Slump

Posted on July 15, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, it’s time to start season 8!

Episode 8.1 “The Crew’s Cruise Director/What a Drag/Doc’s Slump”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on September 22nd, 1984)

The season starts with the Captain gathering the crew — including Ace, your ship’s photographer! — in his cabin and telling them that Julie will not be joining them on their next cruise. Or any other cruise for that matter. Julie has eloped will never be seen again. (In real life, Lauren Tewes was struggling with a cocaine addiction and was fired after the seventh season.) Everyone drinks a toast to Julie, even Captain Stubing who has previously been established as a recovering alcoholic.

The new cruise director is Bernice Bronson (Diane Ladd), who is oddly abrasive and doesn’t seem to care about keeping any of the passengers happy. Seriously, why is this woman a cruise director? I understand that The Love Boat had corporate sponsorship so I have to wonder how the actual executives at Princess Cruise Line felt about one of their employees being portrayed as being so incompetent at her job. Fortunately, Julie’s sister — Judy McCoy (Pat Klous) — is also on the cruise. A former cruise director herself (who, we’re told, taught Julie everything she knew), Judy takes it upon herself to cover for Bernice.

This week’s cruise is an all women’s cruise to Alaska. Along with going to the coldest place on Earth, the passengers also get to have a pajama party in the ship’s lounge and one of them will win a date with sexy singing sensation (snicker) Engelbert Humperdinck. Engelbert only appears briefly in this episode, which is good because I misspell his name every time I try to write about him.

Doc’s new girlfriend, Emily (Michelle Phillips), is not amused that Doc is on a boat full of women. She knows that Doc has a reputation and a history. Ace and Gopher take it upon themselves to try to convince Emily not to leave Doc. Doc just looks exhausted in this episode.

Emily really should put the blame on publicist Jane Fletcher (Patty Duke). Jane’s the one who came up with the idea for the cruise and also the contest to win a date with the singer whose name I can’t spell. Jane’s husband (Bert Convy) and his best friend (Arte Johnson) decide to disguise themselves as women and sneak on board. Jane immediately recognizes her bathrobe at the pajama party so she pretends to be in love with Captain Stubing in order to make her husband jealous. Meanwhile, Bernice falls in love with the husband’s friend and she quits her job.

OH MY GOD — THE CRUISE IS WITHOUT A CRUISE DIRECTOR!

Well, don’t worry. The Captain offers the job to Judy and Judy accepts.

This episode was …. well, it was okay. It felt strange not having Julie aboard but Judy seems like she’ll be a good replacement and I’m also happy that Ted McGinley is now a permanent member of the crew. Personally, I would love to have a pajama party on a cruise ship. That said, Jane should have divorced her idiot husband and Doc really should do something about this midlife crisis that he’s been having for the last eight years.

I’m looking forward to this new season, though. Love is still exciting and new.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.23 “Side by Side/A Fish Out of Water/Rub Me Tender”

Posted on June 10, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we have a very odd cruise indeed.

Episode 7.23 “Side by Side/A Fish Out of Water/Rub Me Tender”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 10th, 1984)

When the ship’s masseuse abruptly quits, Gopher is forced to make a split-second decision. He hires Dorrie Butterworth (Mandy Perryment) as a replacement but, because he had to do so at the last minute, he doesn’t get a chance to tell Captain Stubing about it. When Stubing meets Dorrie and invites her to dine at the Captain’s Table, Dorrie assumes that it’s all a part of the job. When Dorrie wants to give the Captain a massage, he assumes that it’s her way of flirting. (Myself, I always find it weird that, on every cruise, the Captain always seems to be struggling to find a date. I mean, he’s the Captain!) Gopher is worried that he’ll get in trouble for hiring Dorrie without telling the Captain ahead of time. Instead, once Captain Stubing learns the truth, Dorrie is hired full time.

Yay! Dorrie’s a new member of the crew! I wonder if we’ll ever see her again. Probably not.

(Don’t laugh. Ace joined the crew two episodes ago but he’s nowhere to be seen in this episode.)

Edna Miles (Glynis Johns) boards the ship with her teenage grandson, Toby (Rossie Harris). Everyone is charmed by how attentive Toby is to his grandmother. Toby tells Doc that his grandmother is dying and he wants her to enjoy her final days. However, when Doc talks to Edna, she reveals the truth. Toby is the one who is dying, though he doesn’t realize it. I’m not sure how you wouldn’t realize that but whatever. It was a sad and sweet development. Toby thought he was comforting his grandmother during her final days but instead the opposite was true. Still, someone really should let Toby know the truth at some point….

Finally, Allen (Ed Begley, Jr.) boards the ship and confesses to Isaac that he doesn’t know how to talk to women. Isaac assures him that everyone finds love on the Love Boat. After recovering from an accidental blow to the head, Allen wanders into the ship’s cargo hold and discovers that there’s a mermaid named Cora (Mary Crosby) being transported in a crate. Allen sets Cora free and they have a nice romance on the boat. But when Allen realizes that Cora is going to die if she doesn’t get back in the water, he tosses her overboard.

And then he wakes up! It turns out that it was all a dream! Wait — does that mean everything else that happened on this episode was just a dream as well? Maybe that kid really isn’t dying! Unfortunately, it turns out that the kid is still dying but Allen does meet a woman who looks just like Cora, except she’s not a mermaid.

Not many shows would have the courage to combine a story about a terminally ill child with a comedy about a shy man and a mermaid. The Love Boat, however, did. This was an odd episode. The tone was all over the place. The kid made me want to cry and the mermaid thing made me laugh because, even when it came to something as silly as this, Ed Begley, Jr. knew how to deliver a comedic line. The two stories should not have existed anywhere near each other but they did.

As a result, this was a great cruise! Seriously, The Love Boat is at its best when it breaks the rules.

Finally, I should slso note that, on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale, this episode scores only a 5 out of 10. Who needs cocaine when you’ve got mermaids and terminal illnesses to deal with?

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.22 “The Lady and the Maid/Love Is Blind/The Babymakers”

Posted on May 27, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s all about maids and bartenders!

Episode 7.22 “The Lady and the Maid/Love Is Blind/The Babymakers”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 3rd, 1984)

This week, it’s a busy cruise!

Dorothy Fielding (Luise Rainer) boards the boat and immediately runs into her twin sister, Maggie (also played by Rainer). Maggie is working as a maid and she resents her sister. But when Dorothy agrees to switch places with Maggie, Maggie gets to date the charming and rich Stewart Coolidge (Don Ameche). This storyline features not one but two Oscar winners. Ameche won an Oscar for his role in Cocoon, albeit after this show aired. Rainer won two Oscars, back-to-back, in the 30s and then seemingly vanished from film screens. Unfortunately, while Ameche is charming, Rainer comes across as if she would rather be anywhere than playing twins on an episode of The Love Boat. There were several scenes in which Rainer spoke with Rainer. They were obviously included to show off the show’s split-screen approach but, unfortunately, Rainer never seemed to be sure which direction either twin should be looking while interacting with the other.

Sheila (Jennilee Harrison) is desperately trying to get pregnant. Doc mentions to her husband (Kim Shriner) that most babies are conceived during makeup sex. Guess who starts a totally random argument with his wife? This was a silly story but, to be honest, the main appeal of this show has always been its silliness. Harrison and Shriner were beyond adorable.

Finally, Isaac’s blind friend, Darnell Hall (LeVar Burton), boards the ship and takes part in Isaac’s bartending school. Darnell and Isaac also compete for the attention of Terry Cook (Shari Belafonte). And before anyone says anything — yes, I know Burton played a blind guy on Star Trek: The Next Generation. I don’t care. As for who Terry picks …. well, Isaac is a regular character and Terry isn’t. It’s not that hard to guess how things are going to turn out.

That said, I know what you really want to know.

Julie doesn’t do much in this episode but she does sound rather excited about wishing everyone a happy day in Mexico. I’m going to say seven out of ten.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.19 and 7.20 “Hong Kong Cruise: Polly’s Poker Palace/Shop Ahoy/Double Date/The Hong Kong Affair/Two Tails of a City”

Posted on May 13, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, The Love Boat goes to Hong Kong!

Episodes 7.19 and 7.20 “Hong Kong Cruise: Polly’s Poker Palace/Shop Ahoy/Double Date/The Hong Kong Affair/Two Tails of a City”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 4th, 1984)

This week, the Love Boat crew has been assigned to command a cruise to China. And while the boat might be docked in Hong Kong instead of the usual Mexico, the question remains the same:

Yes, how coked up is Julie?

Well, she’s not as coked up as usual. In fact, this is the rare Season 7 episode in which Julie actually gets to do something more than just smile at people as they board the ship. So, I’d say this episode only rates a 7 out of 10 on the How Coked Up Is Julie scale.

As for Julie and Vicki, they fall for two brothers (Leigh McCloskey, Lee Majors II). As always, Julie serves as Vicki’s mentor while Captain Stubing runs the ship. However, this time, it turns out that the guy that Julie likes actually likes Vicki instead. Vicki really likes him too. I would point out that Vicki is likely either 16 or 17 in this episode. (Jill Whelan was 18.) So, really, she and Julie probably shouldn’t both be after the same man. The guy is closer in age to Vicki than Julie but still, watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think that it might be time for Vicki to get off the boat and actually experience life on dry land. Seriously, she’s nearly 18 and she still spends all of her time talking to elderly passengers. Leigh McCloskey and Lee Majors II are literally the only two people close to her age to board the ship. She really doesn’t have much choice but to fall in love with one of them.

Meanwhile, a senator (Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.) fell in love with Donna Reed, despite the misgivings of his closest advisor (Ben Murphy). A retired spy (Gene Kelly) fell for a mysterious woman (Yvette Mimieux) and this somehow led to Gopher and Isaac putting on trench coats and following the couple through Beijing. And Brenda Vaccaro tried to stop using her credit card. The crew, for some reason, tried to help her.

None of these stories were very interesting, though I did relate to Brenda Vaccaro’s passenger. This was a travelogue episode, with the boat sailing to Hong Kong and the crew somehow managing to see every famous sight in China over the course of two days. This episode was shot on location. I always enjoy it when I can tell the actors are actually delivering their lines in the middle of the ocean. At the same time, the scenes that took place in China did not make me want to visit the country. If anything, they left me feeling bad for Hong Kong. This episode was filmed before the British handed Hong Kong over to China and it was a shame to think that all the little kids who appeared in the episode were fated to eventually become citizens of a communist country. Needless to say, the name Mao was never mentioned during this episode. Neither was the Cultural Revolution.

Come back to America, Captain Stubing. The country needs you.