Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.9 “Pipe Dreams”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Zack loses his favorite duck.

Episode 3.9 “Pipe Dreams”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 26th, 1991)

Oil’s been discovered on Bayside’s football field!  Smarmy Dan Grayson (Gary Lahti) offers Bayside a lot of money for the right to drill on the field.  Almost all of the students fantasize about going to rich school despite the fact that, with the exception of Kelly, it’s been established that they’re all already rich and that Bayside has been a rich school for a while.  I’m not sure why the students think that they would be getting any of the money.  And why is it up to the principal to decide whether or not to allow drilling.  It seems like that should be up to the county supervisors.

But what about the never before mentioned pond behind the football field!?  When the inevitable oil spill happens, Zack’s favorite duck Becky is killed.  “She’s where the oil can’t hurt her anymore,” Screech says.  It looks like it’s time for Zack to crash Mr. Grayson’s presentation and spray oil on him.  “I’m covered in oil!” Mr. Grayson shouts.  It’s easy to make your point when your opponent is cartoonishly evil.

You probably already guessed that this is not my favorite episode.  It’s just so cartoonishly heavy-handed and the idea that Zack’s simplistic presentation was enough to convince everyone not to drill for oil was borderline insulting.  If there’s oil underneath the football field and money to be made by drilling for it, someone’s going to do it.  No one is going to care whether Zack approves or not.

My favorite moment is when Slater calls out Jessie for wearing clothing and accessories that aren’t environmentally-friendly.  Seriously, Jessie is always a little bit too self-righteous for me.  Personally, I would have agreed to let the company drill for the oil but only after they found a new pond for all of the turtles and ducks.

Poor Becky.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.21 “Feuding Friends”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

We’re back at the ski lodge!

Episode 2.21 “Feuding Friends”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 26th, 1994)

At the ski lodge, Mr. Belding’s sprained ankle appears to have healed.  However, Tommy still has a broken leg and it’s strange to me that he’s still even at the ski lodge.  I mean, this is a school trip and a broken leg is not a minor injury.  It seems like most school trips would be abruptly cancelled if a student got drunk and suffered a serious injury as a result.  Has anyone called Tommy’s parents?

While everyone else is enjoying the slopes, Megan stays behind and keeps Tommy company.  Soon, Megan and Tommy realize that they like each other and they decide to have dinner together.  Lindsay freaks out.  How dare Megan date her ex-boyfriend!?  Bobby gets mad too.  How dare Tommy go out with the girl that Bobby likes!?  At first, Rachel is neutral but then Lindsay suggests that Megan would date Brian if he ever broke up with Rachel.  Rachel gets mad at Megan for something she hasn’t done yet.  Brian tries to remain neutral (“I’m swiss,” he says) and Rachel calls him a wimp.

Meanwhile, a snooty fashion photographer sees Screech on the slope and takes a lot of pictures of him.  How will Screech take it when he discovers that the photographer is planning to use him as an example of how not to look?

This episode …. actually, I enjoyed this episode.  Yes, the whole thing with the photographer and Screech was pretty stupid.  But, when it came to everyone getting mad at each other, I could actually relate to that.  When Rachel got mad over something that hadn’t happened but which could happen, I felt very seen.  In its undeniably Saved By The Bell way, this episode captured the dynamic of what often happens with people who have been friends forever.  You fight over stupid stuff but, in the end, you always make up.

This was a good episode.  I’m as shocked as anyone.

That said, I’ll be even more shocked if the Tommy/Megan romance is ever mentioned again.  Saved By The Bell always has a way of creating couples and then forgetting about them one episode later.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.8 “Fake IDs”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, someone gets caught cheating!

Episode 3.8 “Fake IDs”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 19th, 1991)

Having finally reached the point where he’s ready to move on from Kelly, Zack Morris resorts to lying to get a new girlfriend. He tells USC freshman Danielle (Julie St. Claire) that he’s a fellow Trojan. He claims to be a photojournalism major who spends all of his time in his darkroom. That’s why she never sees him on campus. Wink wink.

When Danielle invites him to the Attic, an 18-and-up club, Zack instructs Screech to use the skills he’s learned in photography class to make fake IDs. Zack, Slater, and Screech sneak out of Zack’s house and hit the Attic. Screech gets chased by an older woman named Reggie. Slater spends the whole night talking about how much he misses Jessie. Zack dances with Danielle. It’s a great night until they spot Kelly’s new boyfriend, Jeff, dancing with a girl who isn’t Kelly.

“Whoa!” Zack, Slater, and Screech all say at the same time.

When Jessie and Lisa hear that the guys went to an over-18 club, they decide they want fake IDs as well. Meanwhile, when Zack tells Kelly about seeing Jeff, Kelly accuses Zack of being jealous. But when Jeff gives a half-hearted excuse for why he can’t go out with her that night, Kelly asks Screech to make her a fake ID as well.

The next night, Zack’s parents are at a Peter, Paul and Mary concert. Zack goes to the Attic with Slater, Screech, Lisa, and Jessie and is shocked when he can’t find Danielle. What Zack doesn’t know is that Danielle called the house to tell him she would be arriving late, and the phone was answered by Mrs. Morris (Melody Rogers). Mrs. Morris stops singing “Puff the Magic Dragon” just long enough to ask, “What’s the Attic?”

At the Attic, Kelly arrives just in time to spot Jeff dancing with his other girlfriend. She yells, “I broke up with a great guy for you!” “It’s not like we’re going steady,” Jeff replies. “We’re through!” Kelly says, and I can only assume that Kelly is also going to quit the job she so desperately needed just a few episodes ago.

Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa go off together so that Kelly can spend a few minutes “yelling in the ladies’ room.” Danielle and Mrs. Morris show up at the same time. Zack introduces his mom as his “young-looking older sister.” Mrs. Morris orders Zack, Slater, and Screech out to the car. They leave, and we’re left to wonder how Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa are going to get home.

To be honest, I kind of hate this episode. Jeff cheating on Kelly comes out of nowhere, and it’s totally against everything we’ve already learned about the character. Previously, the whole point of Jeff’s character was that he was a nice guy who didn’t intentionally set out to break up Zack and Kelly. In this episode, he’s suddenly a jerk.

That said, there are actually a few funny moments to be found, like Lisa trying to shove Zack away while he’s looking for Danielle. Slater’s loyalty to Jessie was actually pretty sweet, and even Screech was a bit less annoying than usual. It’s a well-done episode, even if it only exists to reset the Kelly/Zack relationship.

I just hope Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa were able to find a way home.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.20 “Drinking 101”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

It’s time for the Bayside Gang to learn a lesson!

Episode 2.20 “Drinking 101”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 19th, 1994)

It’s school trip time!  Mr. Belding, Screech, the Gang, and a bunch of anonymous Bayside students are spending a week at a ski lodge!

Rachel thinks the ski lodge is romantic but Brian doesn’t care about any of that.  He just wants to ski.  (“I have not skied since I lived in Switzerland,” he says and, for not the first time, I find myself wondering if the show is ever going to explain why he no longer lives in Switzerland.) Lindsay wants to go to a frat party, even if it means lying and saying that she’s a college student.  And Mr. Belding …. he just wants to survive.

It won’t be easy because Belding sprains his ankle as soon as he arrives at the ski lodge.  “My chief!” Screech yells in an early use of the falsetto that will define his character in later seasons.  Belding is supposed to stay off his ankle so, of course, Screech keeps tripping over him and dragging him up the slopes.  As a dancer, I more than know the pain of a sprained ankle and the scenes of Screech reinjuring Belding’s ankle did not make me smile.

While Screech throws a party for Mr. Belding, Lindsay, Rachel, and Megan sneak into a frat party so they can meet some boys.  (Yes, Rachel is dating Brian but she’s mad because all he wants to do is ski.)  Tommy, Bobby, and Brian soon end up at the same party.  Lindsay gets drunk.  Tommy gets drunk.  Tommy rides off on a skimobile and later has an accident.

Lesson learned!

Tommy has a broken leg.  His parents could totally sue the school district for not keeping an eye on him during a school trip.  Screech trips over Tommy’s cast, causing Tommy incredible pain.  Belding tells Lindsay and Tommy that they shouldn’t have been drinking and then he tells Rachel, Brian, Megan, and Bobby that they shouldn’t have let Lindsay and Tommy drink.  Hey, Belding, maybe you should have brought along more adults so they could keep an eye on the students.

Myself, I rarely drink because my tolerance for alcohol is pathetically low.  Still, I have to say that I found it funny that Lindsay woke up with the “worst hangover ever!” even though she only had two beers.  Even with my low tolerance, I’ve never had a hang over.  From my experience, it would have been more realistic for Lindsay to throw up and then fall asleep on a yoga mat.

Anyway, this episode ends with Belding and Tommy recovering from their injuries, the rest of the Gang “grounded for the weekend,” and Screech skiing.  I was kind of hoping the episode would end with the ski lodge being revealed to be the one that Lorena’s father owned on California Dreams.  That would have been a cross-over to remember!

The big problem with this episode — and really, this is something that seem to happen in every Peter Engel-produced teen sitcom — is that the actors were obviously having way too much fun pretending to be drunk.  I mean, hangover or not, Lindsay seemed to be having a good time.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.7 “Check Your Mate”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Screech is actually good at something!

Episode 3.7 “Check Your Mate”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 5th, 1991)

Bayside has got chess fever!  Screech Powers has advanced to the all-city chess finals, where he will be facing off against Valley High’s Russian exchange student Peter Breschnev (Matt Kaminsky), the grandson of a legendary player.  Screech fears that he won’t have a chance but then he remembers that he never seems to lose as long as he’s wearing the lucky red beret that Violet purchased for him.

Around the same time that Zack and Slater place a bet on the outcome of chess match, Allison (Hillary Hayes) shows up.  She says that she’s from a chess magazine and she wants to do a profile of Screech.  She even invites Screech to the magazine’s mansion so that he can swim in the pawn-shaped pool.  However, it turns out that Allison is actually a spy from Valley High and she’s been sent to sabotage Screech’s game.  Allison steals his lucky beret.  How can Screech win now!?

Usually, I can’t stand any episode that revolves around Screech and Violet but I have to admit that I do like this one.  Yes, Dustin Diamond and Tori Spelling are just as bad as usual (and Diamond really goes overboard with the goofy faces in this one) but, luckily, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez are also present and they do some of their best work in this episode.  Zack and Slater, for instance, kidnap the Russian and tie him up in a broom closet.  Zack then pretends to be the Russian and forfeits the match after making one move.  Meanwhile, Slater reports on the match for Bayside’s radio station and he does so with just the right amount of earnest enthusiasm.  (Jessie: “And now the Russian is hopping out onstage in his underwear!?”  Slater: “What an exciting match so far!”)  Slater knows nothing about chess but he does know that he wants to see “that commie” defeated.  Amongst the guest stars, Hilary Hayes and Matt Kaminsky are perfectly cast and score some laughs of their own.  (“I’ll see ya …. at the Galleria.”)

In this episode, Screech nearly loses Violet when he lets his chess fame go to his head.  Violet forgives him but this would still be her final episode.  I guess dating a chess jock wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/20/26 — 9/26/20


Again, this week was largely about getting ready for Horrorthon.

I did take the time to watch Big Brother.  I’m so excited.  Only a few more days to go and then this season will be over with and I’ll never have to think about it again!  We are now down to the final three houseguests.  I imagine that next Thursday, Devens will defeat Drew by a vote of 6-1.  I’ve written a little about Big Brother over at the Reality TV Chat Blog.

I was happy to see Survivor return.  I wrote about my thoughts on the first episode of season 51 here.  I’m looking forward to the start of The Amazing Race on Wednesday.

On Netflix, SCTV continues to bring me happiness.  This week, I watched a parody of The Godfather and I got to know Sammy Maudlin and his favorite guest, Bobby Bittman.

I also watched and reviewed episodes of Saved By The Bell, Hunter, 1st & Ten, Degrassi, and Sledge Hammer!

 

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.19 “The Class of 2020”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

“One thing I’ll never forget is when the writers were too lazy to come up with a new episode so we just did a clip show instead….”

Episode 2.19 “The Class of 2020”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 19th, 1994)

Screech and Belding are making a documentary to put in the time capsule for the class of 2020.  Wow, those 2020 graduates will be amazed to see what the world was like before they were born!

Megan and Bobby are interviewed.  Lindsay and Tommy are interviewed.  Rachel and Brian are interviewed.  There’s a lot of dialogue like “Remember that time we thought we got Mr. Belding fired?” and “I’ll never forget the time my friends helped me out.”  Yep, it’s a clip show.  One of the clips comes from the previous week’s episode.

Two things of note:

One of Lindsay and Tommy’s clips features Weasel and Scott from the previous season.  That makes this episode the only time that anyone during the second season actually acknowledged that Scott, Weasel, and Vicki used to go to Bayside.

Secondly, Rachel and Brian talk about falling in love over the summer at the country club.  But this episode ends with Screech and Belding talking about how Screech’s first year as Belding’s administrative assistant is coming to an end.  None of the students met Screech until he started working as Belding’s administrative assistant, as the start of the school year.  But they all know Screech in the country club episodes.  In fact, Screech is the one who hired them.  So, the country club episodes have to have taken place during the summer after Screech’s first year as Belding’s academic assistant.  So, this clip show apparently includes clips from the future.  Maybe Brian and Rachel are time travelers.

Anyway, it’s a clip show.  Who cares?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.6 “Operation Zack”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Zack injures his knee and has to go to the hospital!  Hilarity ensues!

Episode 3.6 “Operation Zack”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 28th, 1991)

Along with being a track star, a radio announcer, a member of the student council, and the leader of Zack Attack, Zack Morris is also a star basketball player.  Bayside’s basketball team has a big game coming up.  They’re coached by a short person.  That’s the joke.  While rushing out of the dressing room for lay-up drills, Zack collides with Mr. Belding and somehow injures his knee.  Screech rushes him to the hospital and, in a preview of what he would do to Mr. Belding on countless episodes of The New Class, Screech continually pushes the wheelchair-bound  Zack into walls and desks, causing him to reinjure his knee.  The show thinks it’s hilarious but I’ve injured my knee and my ankle before and I know how painful it is.  Screech is a moron.

Lisa’s mother, Dr. Turtle (Susan Beaubian), says that Zack’s knee is going to require surgery.  She says that it’s no big deal but everyone else acts as if Zack has been given a death sentence.  “They’re going to hack Zack!” Zack says.  He has a dream where he sees his own funeral.  (Screech appears as his guardian angel.)  Zack disguises himself as a doctor and tries to sneak out of the hospital.  Dr. Turtle catches him.  Lisa, who is volunteering as a candy striper, tells Zack that everything is going to be okay.

And everything is!  The surgery is a success.  Zack even survives Screech trying to turn on the television by using the bed’s remote control.  And Mr. Belding does Zack’s homework for him.  That makes no sense. How is that even allowed?

This episode was pretty dumb.  That said, I did once watch it while I was actually in the hospital because I was recovering from an asthma attack and, at that time, it did cheer me up.  Dumb as it is, the episode does get at a universal truth.  Everyone hates going to the hospital.

Finally, this episode features one of Dustin Diamond’s worst performances.  Screech is especially annoying here because, for once, his stupidity actually does hurt someone.  Zack doesn’t need some doofus clumsily pushing his wheelchair while shouting, “Lady with a baby!”  Whenever Screech caused Zack to bump into something, I felt shooting sympathy pains.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar looked fairly annoyed whenever he had to share a scene with Dustin Diamond.  In this case, I don’t blame him.

Next week, Screech plays chess and loses his lucky beret.  What a dummy.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.18 “Breaking Up”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

It’s Tommy D’s birthday!

Episode 2.18 “Breaking Up”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 12th, 1994)

Lindsay wants to buy Tommy a great birthday present but, unfortunately, she’s broke.  All of her friends are broke.  It looks like they’re going to have to cancel Tommy’s birthday this year.  But then Brian comes up with a plan.  What if they convince Belding to let Brian and Bobby be in charge of the video yearbook and then the use the camera to shoot a birthday video Tommy while, at the same time, screwing over all of the students who actually want a yearbook?

It’s a great idea!  Bobby films Linsday talking about how much she dislikes everything that Tommy is really into, like cars.  Bobby also films Tommy growing close to Katie Keller (Kim Baranof), Brian’s never before-mentioned sister who does not appear to be from Switzerland.  (In all fairness, she could be a stepsister.  The show has never really made it clear just why exactly Brian left Switzerland for Bayside so maybe his mother married an American or something.)  Katie likes cars and videogames, just like Tommy!

Realizing that Tommy and Lindsay’s relationship is in trouble, Brian pays off a lot of other students to tell Tommy that Katie’s been coming onto them.  Wow, way to slutshame you own sister, Brian.  What a jerk.  Anyway, Tommy puts the kibosh on his growing attraction to Katie but, at his birthday party, Lindsay learns about how Brian spread rumors about Katie to save Lindsay’s relationship with Tommy.  Lindsay and Tommy admit to not having much in common and Saved By The Bell: The New Class’s longest relationship comes to an end….

And that’s  not really a good thing for either Lindsay or Tommy D.  This isn’t like when Slater and Jessie used to break up.  Slater and Jessie actually had personalities that went beyond who they were dating.  The same can’t really be said about Tommy and Lindsay.  It’s not the fault of the actors, as Jonathan Angel and Natalia Cigliuti were actually two of the more likable members of the ensemble.  It’s just that Saved By The Bell: The New Class was never about complex characters.

It’s also not about continuity.  Lindsay and Tommy D are still dating in the country club episodes.  Because all of the members of the Gang already knew Screech in the country club episodes, that means that they had to have taken place in the summer after the school episodes.  Plus, in this episode, Brian is not dating Rachel and that again means that the country club episodes had to happen after this episode.  So, Lindsay and Tommy D are either going to get back together or the show’s writers just didn’t care.

What a mess!

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.17 “Wanna Bet?”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week, we’re back at the ranch.

Episode 2.17 “Wanna Bet?”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 5th, 1994)

Uncle Lester and Cousin Clint are out-of-town for some reason and Screech has been left in charge of the dude ranch.

This is already the stupidest episode of Saved By The Bell: The New Class yet.

It’s up to Screech to set up the end-of-the-week square dance but when he gets to be too bossy, Mr. Belding refuses to work with him.  Screech tells Lindsay to tell Belding that he’s no longer speaking to him.  Lucky Mr. Belding.

Less lucky are the members of the Gang, who are hustled by two con artists and lose all of their summer earnings in a crooked poker game.  Megan has a crush on one of the con artists but she changes her mind when he refuses to give back the money.  Luckily, the sheriff is looking for the con artists so all Screech and Belding have to do is keep them from leaving the ranch, which they do by challenging the con artists to a poker game.  Screech is such a bad poker player that the sheriff arrives before the first hand has even been successful dealt.

Belding hopes that the Gang has learned an important lesson about gambling.  Tommy D swears that he’s never going to gamble again.

“You can bet on it!” Bobby says.

I think I lost brain cells watching this crap.