Obviously it is a source of tremendous pleasure for me to say that once again we return to the bi-weekly world of brand new episodes of Sailor Moon: Crystal. I am deeply troubled that my brethren in the great country of Canada still can’t imbibe legally of this show. Say strong, my friends, and any of you others similarly handicapped! One day these chains, too, shall be struck, and we shall be free to embrace Sailor Moon as one people, together.

This week’s episode looks to be the first one yet not to introduce a new Pretty Guardian to the team. As I stated in my previous recap, this is in keeping with the manga timeline, which we already know is more of a priority for this series. Our very brief cold open has Moon Cat Luna narrowing her eyes at the figure of Mamoru Chiba, aka Tuxedo Mask.

And then we’re off on the opening theme song odyssey. Yes, it is still long. No, I am not tempted to skip it. Get out of here with that hate. One thing I will say is that between the theme song, the closing song, and Sailor Moon’s transformation (hers is about twice as long as the others’, I think) they really pad out the 25 minute run time on these episodes. It’s really just a normal half hour of television.

Hulu’s commercials have annoyed me far less this week. I do hate the Geico Pig almost as much as it’s possible to hate anything, but his DMV commercial is pretty short, and it doesn’t fill me with hate the way that eSurance commercial with the woman on the rooftop does. The rest of the commercials were pretty forgettable. That’s in no way a bad thing. Don’t worry, you can expect a link if I find a particularly irritating one this week. That’s my promise to you, valued reader!

Since we don’t have to spend a lot of time on a new character this week, this episode feels pretty lightweight by comparison to the last few weeks. Usagi makes it to class (on time, for once!). All anyone is talking about is the police barricades that are in place for the arrival of Princess D, from the Kingdom of D, a kingdom which has become fabulously wealthy based off of a plethora of precious gemstones as a natural resource. Princess D is bringing the fabulous legendary ultimate real secret treasure of her family to Tokyo to show it off at a grand ball / exhibition for… well… I’m sure she has reasons of some kind, anyway.

At the arcade, Ami and Rei talk, and play some Sailor V while they wait for Usagi who, while on time, fell asleep during class and got nailed with detention. With Luna, the girls have a little meeting, discussing the mysterious enemies that keep popping up. Since even we the viewers don’t clearly know the objectives of the Dark Kingdom yet, our heroines know even less. Luna does mention that the princess they are supposed to be protecting has been sealed in some way that would make it difficult for enemy forces to find her, and that the Silver Crystal is a source of incredible power. Letting it fall into the wrong hands would be catastrophic.

Meanwhile, down in the Dark Kingdom, we finally meet Kunzite. You can tell he’s cooler than the other three because he has a cape, and his outfit is slightly different. Queen Beryl orders the four of them to figure shit out. Get the Silver Crystal. Restore the Great Ruler.

Back at Usagi’s house, we learn that her father is headed off to Princess D’s gallery for an interview for his “magazine”. I assume he’s some kind of respected online publisher. Anyway. Usagi, not to be left out, immediately uses her magical powers to transform herself into “a princess”, and runs off to infiltrate the party. This is followed by a K-Mart commercial that is… just bizarre. I wish I could find a video link for it. I feel like I’ve failed you.

Offscreen, Usagi ropes her friends into coming along with her to Princess D’s party. Naturally, the three girls are able to simply walk in like they own the place, while Luna is detained at the gate. Usagi immediately becomes excited by the masquerade nature of the party, and runs off to involve herself in some dancing. Ami and Rei remain more focused on their actual mission, which they head off to get a jump on. Usagi’s own father sees her running around, but only wishes to himself that his girl will grow up to be so beautiful. Naturally, Usagi ends up on the dancefloor with the mysterious Tuxedo Mask. It’s going well at first, but then he bails for seemingly no reason.

Meanwhile, Ami and Rei have tracked down Princess D, the treasure, and a disguised Nephrite, who apparently has replaced Jadeite as the commander of record for this episode. This is another manga thing, although I believe that in the manga, Sailor Mars slays Jadeite with her fire attacks at the end of Act 3, which was not the case here. Nephrite is confronted by Sailors Mars and Mercury, so he decides to possess Princess D while he himself flees. Princess D goes crazy, sprints through her own party knocking people casually aside, and then leaps a balcony. Usagi goes over the edge as well, but Tuxedo Mask catches her. He loses his grip, however, and Usagi is forced to use her powers to save them, transforming her pen into a… parasol. That works, I guess! For some reason, Tuxedo Mask doesn’t seem that perturbed, but he does bail again. What’s with that guy, anyway?

Sailor Moon joins her companions and uses a cool new moon beam to blast the Nephrite right out of poor Princess D. All four of the Kings (Kings!) of the Dark Kingdom show up to act intimidating. They don’t really do anything though. Kunzite reveals that (in case we couldn’t guess) that they’re after the Silver Crystal in order to rule the world. He ends with a cartoon-villain-ish “Stop us if you can!” before they bail, surrendering an obvious opportunity to use their combined magical powers to bust up the Sailor Soldiers something good. No, I’m sure that strategy will pay out in the end. I’m not here to question the tactical wisdom of the great Kunzite.

In the end, Princess D’s treasure is just a ridiculously ostentatious statue of the first Princess D, made out of a 2000 kt diamond. Good grief. Tuxedo Mask finds a sleeping Sailor Moon on the balcony, does some creepy face stroking and hair touching, and goes in for the kiss. It’s about this time that Luna shows up and starts spitting fire. Who is Tuxedo Mask? Is he friend or foe? Well, he’s after the Legendary Silver Crystal. And if we’re after the same thing… maybe we are enemies. Then he vanishes into the night. Man, that guy is the best. Our outro is a glance of Makato, who I suspect will feature prominently in next we… damn, is it really an entire fortnight to wait? Curse this release schedule! Anyway, I strongly suspect based on prior knowledge and the teaser which uh… covers things pretty comprehensively… that we’ll be meeting Sailor Jupiter next time. Cool beans. The shows where we’ve been introduced to new Sailor Guardians (especially Act III, which I think was the best episode so far) were quite a bit more compelling than Masquerade Dance Party, which felt like a lot of fluff paired with some cool moon beams.

Well, no matter how long I’m being cruelly forced to wait, never fear dear reader! I will be with you next time for Sailor Moon Crystal: Act V!