Guilty Pleasure No. 130: The 13th Warrior (dir. by John McTiernan)


“The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won’t live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing.” — Herger the Joyous

Few films wear the scars of a difficult production as visibly—and as entertainingly—as John McTiernan’s The 13th Warrior. It is messy, truncated, occasionally incoherent, and visibly caught between two competing creative visions. Yet it also has an atmosphere that many more polished historical adventures lack: wet forests, torchlit halls, thick fog, blackened skies, grim Norse rituals, and a band of warriors who look as though they have spent their entire lives sleeping in armor and drinking themselves toward an early grave. It is not a great film, but it is an undeniably entertaining one—and one of the more fascinating guilty pleasures of the late-1990s blockbuster era.

Loosely adapted from Michael Crichton’s novel Eaters of the Dead, which itself plays with the historical legend of Ahmad ibn Fadlan and folds it into a rough retelling of Beowulf, The 13th Warrior begins with Antonio Banderas as Ahmed ibn Fahdlan. Ahmed is an Arab court poet and diplomat banished from Baghdad after an indiscretion involving a powerful man’s wife. He is sent north as an ambassador, where his refined manners, education, and cultivated worldview put him in immediate contrast with the brutal, loud, heavily armed Norsemen he encounters. The movie gets a surprising amount of mileage out of that culture-clash premise. Ahmed is initially horrified by the Vikings’ hygiene, manners, food, and casual relationship with violence, while the Vikings regard him as an odd, under-equipped foreigner who seems far too elegant to be useful in a fight.

The story kicks into gear when a group of Norse warriors is summoned to aid a distant village terrorized by mysterious attackers known as the Wendol. According to prophecy, thirteen men must go—and the thirteenth cannot be a Northman. Ahmed, despite having no real desire to be involved in this nightmare expedition, becomes the required outsider. From there, the film turns into a lean survival-horror adventure: the warriors travel into an isolated northern settlement where people are being abducted and mutilated by enemies who seem to emerge from the darkness itself. The Wendol wear animal skulls, move through the night like ghosts, and are initially presented less as a human army than as something ancient and supernatural.

That eerie buildup is easily the best thing about The 13th Warrior. McTiernan, the director of Die Hard, Predator, and The Hunt for Red October, knew how to make hostile environments feel dangerous. The village is surrounded by dense woods and oppressive mountains, while the interiors are lit by fire, smoke, and shadows. The film often feels as if it is taking place at the edge of the known world. Even when the plot becomes shaky, the mood holds. There is a genuinely creepy quality to the Wendol’s first attacks, especially when horns sound in the distance and figures descend from the hills in the rain. The movie may never fully sell the mythology behind its villains, but it absolutely sells the fear they inspire.

Banderas is a somewhat unconventional choice for Ahmed, and his casting has always been one of the film’s stranger elements. He brings charisma and physical presence, but the accent situation is obviously all over the place. Still, he makes the character’s gradual transformation satisfying. Ahmed begins as a man who sees himself as superior to these crude northerners, only to discover that their apparent barbarism is paired with courage, loyalty, humor, and a practical intelligence he had underestimated. His evolution into a capable warrior is predictable, but it works because Banderas plays the early discomfort well. The famous moment when Ahmed learns the Norse language simply by listening around the campfire is absurdly accelerated, but it is also one of the movie’s most memorable scenes. It tells the audience, with no subtlety whatsoever, that he has crossed into their world.

The supporting cast gives the film much of its appeal. Vladimir Kulich’s Buliwyf is the quiet center of the group, a noble warrior king whose death is basically foretold from the moment he appears. Kulich has the right imposing, mythic presence for the role, and he makes Buliwyf feel like a living folk hero rather than just another stock Viking chief. Dennis Storhøi, Tony Curran, Richard Bremmer, and the rest of the warriors are not always given much individual development, but they create a convincing sense of companionship. Their banter, drinking, ritualized insults, and battle-ready camaraderie help the group feel like a unit with a history long before Ahmed arrived.

The action is another mixed but memorable part of the experience. McTiernan’s best films are often celebrated for their clarity of geography and movement, but The 13th Warrior is much murkier. Some of that is intentional: fights take place at night, in rain, amid smoke, fire, and chaos. But some of it also feels like a byproduct of an uneven post-production process. The movie is often too dark, too quickly edited, and too vague about what is happening from one beat to the next. Even so, there are flashes of real power. Ahmed forging a sword from a Viking weapon is a solid transformation moment, while the climactic infiltration of the Wendol cave has the pulpy appeal of an old adventure serial filtered through mud, blood, and 1990s studio excess.

The behind-the-scenes drama is arguably just as intriguing as the movie itself. The 13th Warrior became infamous for going significantly over budget and for the creative conflict between McTiernan and the studio. The reported disputes centered on the film’s tone, pacing, and specific scenes, with the studio evidently concerned that McTiernan’s version was too dark, too strange, and too inaccessible for a massive summer release. This was not a minor disagreement over a few trims. It became the kind of production struggle that leaves fingerprints all over the finished film. You can feel the tension between a moody, almost horror-driven historical fantasy and a more conventional action-adventure picture trying to break through the same material.

Michael Crichton, the author of Eaters of the Dead and a major force behind the project, eventually stepped in to oversee reshoots and re-editing. That fact alone makes The 13th Warrior unusually fascinating. It is not every day that the author of the source novel takes such a direct role in reshaping a film after its original director has already completed his work. Crichton reportedly pushed for a more straightforward, audience-friendly version, trimming and restructuring the movie in ways meant to clarify the story and increase its commercial appeal. The result is a film that often feels like two versions grafted together: one a grim, unnerving tale about outsiders confronting an almost prehistoric terror, the other a compressed heroic adventure about a reluctant man discovering his warrior spirit.

That conflict helps explain why the finished movie can feel so abrupt. Characters appear and disappear with little explanation, the Wendol mythology is only partially developed, and the final stretch rushes through material that could have supported a longer, more coherent climax. The film is barely over 100 minutes, yet it sometimes feels as though an entire half-hour of connective tissue vanished somewhere between the shoot and the theatrical cut. This is especially frustrating because there is clearly a richer movie buried inside the existing one. The setting, the central premise, the cultural collision, and the supernatural ambiguity all deserved more room to breathe.

Still, those flaws are part of why The 13th Warrior has endured as a cult favorite. It is easy to imagine a cleaner, more successful version, but it is also difficult to imagine that version being as peculiar or as memorable. The finished film has a strange, bruised personality. It carries the weight of a troubled production, but it also has enough great imagery, strong atmosphere, and old-fashioned adventure momentum to overcome its rough edges. It never reaches the level of McTiernan’s best work, and it is certainly not the definitive cinematic take on Beowulf. But as a cult, guilty-pleasure fantasy adventure, The 13th Warrior delivers more than its reputation might suggest.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

  1. Half-Baked
  2. Save The Last Dance
  3. Every Rose Has Its Thorns
  4. The Jeremy Kyle Show
  5. Invasion USA
  6. The Golden Child
  7. Final Destination 2
  8. Paparazzi
  9. The Principal
  10. The Substitute
  11. Terror In The Family
  12. Pandorum
  13. Lambada
  14. Fear
  15. Cocktail
  16. Keep Off The Grass
  17. Girls, Girls, Girls
  18. Class
  19. Tart
  20. King Kong vs. Godzilla
  21. Hawk the Slayer
  22. Battle Beyond the Stars
  23. Meridian
  24. Walk of Shame
  25. From Justin To Kelly
  26. Project Greenlight
  27. Sex Decoy: Love Stings
  28. Swimfan
  29. On the Line
  30. Wolfen
  31. Hail Caesar!
  32. It’s So Cold In The D
  33. In the Mix
  34. Healed By Grace
  35. Valley of the Dolls
  36. The Legend of Billie Jean
  37. Death Wish
  38. Shipping Wars
  39. Ghost Whisperer
  40. Parking Wars
  41. The Dead Are After Me
  42. Harper’s Island
  43. The Resurrection of Gavin Stone
  44. Paranormal State
  45. Utopia
  46. Bar Rescue
  47. The Powers of Matthew Star
  48. Spiker
  49. Heavenly Bodies
  50. Maid in Manhattan
  51. Rage and Honor
  52. Saved By The Bell 3. 21 “No Hope With Dope”
  53. Happy Gilmore
  54. Solarbabies
  55. The Dawn of Correction
  56. Once You Understand
  57. The Voyeurs 
  58. Robot Jox
  59. Teen Wolf
  60. The Running Man
  61. Double Dragon
  62. Backtrack
  63. Julie and Jack
  64. Karate Warrior
  65. Invaders From Mars
  66. Cloverfield
  67. Aerobicide 
  68. Blood Harvest
  69. Shocking Dark
  70. Face The Truth
  71. Submerged
  72. The Canyons
  73. Days of Thunder
  74. Van Helsing
  75. The Night Comes for Us
  76. Code of Silence
  77. Captain Ron
  78. Armageddon
  79. Kate’s Secret
  80. Point Break
  81. The Replacements
  82. The Shadow
  83. Meteor
  84. Last Action Hero
  85. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
  86. The Horror at 37,000 Feet
  87. The ‘Burbs
  88. Lifeforce
  89. Highschool of the Dead
  90. Ice Station Zebra
  91. No One Lives
  92. Brewster’s Millions
  93. Porky’s
  94. Revenge of the Nerds
  95. The Delta Force
  96. The Hidden
  97. Roller Boogie
  98. Raw Deal
  99. Death Merchant Series
  100. Ski Patrol
  101. The Executioner Series
  102. The Destroyer Series
  103. Private Teacher
  104. The Parker Series
  105. Ramba
  106. The Troubles of Janice
  107. Ironwood
  108. Interspecies Reviewers
  109. SST — Death Flight
  110. Undercover Brother
  111. Out for Justice
  112. Food Wars!
  113. Cherry
  114. Death Race
  115. The Beast Within
  116. Girl Series
  117. Gone in 60 Seconds
  118. Swordfish
  119. Marked For Death
  120. The Internship
  121. The Angry Red Planet
  122. 2012
  123. Old School
  124. No Escape
  125. In Death Series
  126. Alligator
  127. Little Annie Fanny
  128. Wicked Wanda
  129. Congo

Brad’s Babe Hall of Fame Celebrates Salma Hayek!


I first saw Salma Hayek when her character was introduced in DESPERADO (1995). It’s fair to say I’ve considered her one of the most beautiful women in the world ever since. Happy Birthday, Salma, and enjoy my friends!

Horror Film Review: Cult Killer (dir by Jon Keeyes)


What a stupid movie!

Released earlier this year, Cult Killer stars Alice Eve as Cassie Holt, a former librarian who is now a private investigator in Ireland.  Cassie has a tragic backstory, which we hear about from several people along with hearing about it from Cassie and then getting to see most of what we’ve already heard about in a series of flashbacks.  Cassie was sexually abused by her grandfather, dropped out of university, learned Brazilian ju-jitsu, became an alcoholic, went to AA, and is now a private investigator.

Her mentor is Mikael Tallini (Antonio Banderas, looking embarrassed).  When Mikael is murdered by a woman who pounces on him and then steps him to death, Cassie sets out to solve his murder and get revenge.  She discovers that her sleepy Irish village is actually the home of a cult of sex abusers and Jamie Douglas (Shelley Hening) has been killing everyone who either abused or betrayed her, though Mikael apparently was just killed because he had been hired to find out what she was doing.  Soon, Jamie is calling Cassie on the phone and telling her about all the details of her crimes, encouraging Cassie to help her while also acknowledging that Cassie will eventually have to arrest her or kill her or do something to avenge the death of her mentor at Jamie’s hands.  “We not do different, you and I,” Jamie says without a hint of irony.

Antonio Banderas gets top-billing in Cult Killer and he’s prominently featured on the film’s poster.  His character is killed off after the first ten minutes but he then reappears in flashbacks as Cassie remembers him training her and all the times that she told him about her tragic backstory.  There’s a lot of flashbacks in Cult Killer and they don’t exactly show up at the most logical of moments.  They’re rather randomly sprinkled throughout the film and often, there’s no real indication that we’ve entered flashback territory until Banderas shows up.  I know and understand that it’s currently totally melvin to tell a story in chronological order.  Everyone wants to be Christopher Nolan.  But the thing is, Christopher Nolan is a genius.  Most directors are not.  The director of Cult Killer is not.

Along with the jumbled timeline, the other big problem with this film is that Shelley Hening’s performance as Jamie is absolutely atrocious.  Some of it is the script, which forces all of its worst lines onto Jamie.  But, beyond that, Hening plays Jamie as being a somewhat mischevious brat while the film needs her to be a charismatic maniac.  Throwing a skull into a room and then calling Cassie to tell her that you just did some “Monster shit,” doesn’t make you into an intriguing anti-hero or a compelling villain.  It just makes you into the equivalent of a pre-teen tossing eggs at the house of a hated teacher and then bragging about it the next day.  Jamie’s relationship with Cassie never rings true and neither Eve nor Hening really seem to have much idea what’s going on with their characters either.  It takes a lot of effort to make two sex abuse survivors come across as being incredibly annoying but this film manages to do it.

The film features Jamie targeting the members of a cult of wealthy sex abusers.  That story had potential, especially when you consider that Epstein didn’t kill himself.  But the film gets so bogged down in flashbacks that it never creates a proper feeling of paranoia or, for that matter, any narrative momentum.  It all just feels rather pointless and confused, as if the film itself isn’t quite sure what it’s trying to say.  The best film to be inspired by the crimes of Jeffrey Epstein remains The Scary of Sixty-First.

2022 In Review: Lisa Marie’s Top 30 Films of 2022


Without further ado, here are my top 30 films of 2022!

(Why 30?  Because Lisa doesn’t do odd numbers!  Also, be sure to check out my picks for 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021!  Wow, I’ve been doing this for a while!)

30. Marcel The Shell With Shoes On (dir by Dean Fleischer Camp)

An animated film with heart, Marcel The Shell With Shoes On would probably be ranked higher if Marcel’s favorite news show had been something other than 60 Minutes.  Still, questionable viewing habits aside, Marcel and Nana Connie and all the other shells were amazing characters and the end of the movie brought tears to my mismatched eyes.  With this film and I Want You Back, Jenny Slate had quite a year.

29. Ted K (dir by Tony Stone)

Released in February of this year, this film about Ted Kaczyski and his descent into madness was unfairly overlooked. Sharlto Copley was perfectly cast as Ted K.  This is a film that probably won’t make Ted’s supporters happy but, at the same time, it also avoids painting him as just being a straight-out madman.  It’s refusal to simplify makes the film far more than just another true crime biopic.

28. Dashcam (dir by Rob Savage)

Starring Annie Hardy as herself, this low-budget horror film is a scathing satire of life during the age of COVID and performative “wokeness.”  After the past few years, there’s something rather cathartic about Hardy’s refusal to obey.

27. The Batman (dir by Matt Reeves)

At this point, I’m fairly cynical about comic book movies in general and Batman films in specific.  I mean, how many Batmen have we had over the past ten years?  (Actually, I think only four but it feels like a lot more!)  That said, I enjoyed The Batman, for both its noirish atmosphere and it’s willingness to embrace the melodrama.  You have to love the fact that the villain was basically a nerdy podcaster.

26. Operation Mincemeat (dir by John Madden)

Based on a true story, this film was a throwback to the earnest World War II films of the past.  Colin Firth, Kelly MacDonald, Matthew McFayden, and Johnny Flynn were all well-cast and did their part to bring this moment of WWII history to life.

25. Father Stu (dir by Rosalind Ross)

You don’t have to be from a Catholic background to appreciate Father Stu but it probably helps.  This was one of those roles that only Mark Wahlberg could have pulled off.

24. See How They Run (dir by Tom George)

This stylized murder mystery was terrifically entertaining and witty.  Sam Rockwell and Saoirse Ronan are both treasures.

23. I Want You Back (dir by Jason Orley)

Two friends conspire to win back their respective romantic partners and end up falling in love with each other instead.  This was an enjoyable comedy, one that was blessed with an outstanding cast that included Jenny Slate, Charlie Day, Scott Eastwood, and Gina Rodriguez.  The scene in which Jenny Slate sings Suddenly Seymour is a classic.

22. Ambulance (dir by Michael Bay)

This was the film that Michael Bay was born to direct.  For once, Bay’s hyperkinetic style was perfectly matched by the story being told.  It also helped that the ambulance was a real ambulance and not a robot pretending to be an ambulance.

21.Send Me (dir by Nick Palmisciano)

This is a heart-breaking documentary about the efforts of 12 veterans to evacuate as many allies as they could during the disastrous withdraw from Afghanistan.  This film deserved more attention than it got.

20. The Bombardment (dir by Ole Bornedal)

Based on a true story, this Danish film deals with the accidental bombing of a school during World War II.  It’s been overshadowed a bit by All Quiet On The Western Front but, in its quieter way, The Bombardment is also a strong look at the horrors of war.

19. Goodnight Oppy (dir by Ryan White)

This is a poignant documentary about Opportunity, the NASA exploration rover that spent 15 years exploring Mars.  This movie proves that a robot can make you cry.

18. Dark Glasses (dir by Dario Argento)

Don’t listen to the critics.  This enjoyably over-the-top giallo was an entertaining return-to-form for Dario Argento.

17. Wildcat (dir by Melissa Lesh and Trevor Fost)

This poignant documentary follows a depressed veteran as he finds purpose helping to raise a baby ocelot in Peru.  Be prepared to cry.

16. Apollo 10 1/2 (dir by Richard Linklater)

Richard Linklater’s animated film was well-received by critics but it’s still hard not to feel that it’s been a bit overlooked.  Narrated by Jack Black, the film details the 1969 moon landing from the perspective of a child with a very active imagination.  Nostalgic, sweet-natured, and ultimately rather moving, Apollo 10 1/2 is a film that celebrates life.

15. Three Minutes: A Lengthening (dir by Bianca Stigner)

This haunting and moving documentary, which is narrated by Helena Bonham Cater, examines a three-minute snippet of 16mm film that was shot in a Jewish town in Poland in 1938, shortly before the Nazis invaded.  By examining every aspect of those three minutes, this documentary becomes both a memorial for the inhabitants of that town and a much-needed reminder of the horrors and reality of the Holocaust.  With anti-Semitism and Holocaust denial on the rise, this is an important documentary.

14. The Northman (dir by Robert Eggers)

The Northman is occasionally thrilling and occasionally ludicrous but it’s always watchable.  Robert Eggers finds moments of humor and odd beauty in this Viking epic.  Nicole Kidman embraces the melodrama and goes all out.  I just hope Valhalla was actually worth all the trouble.

13. Puss In Boots: The Last Wish (dir by Joel Crawford)

Yeah, you knew this film was going to show up on my list.  To be honest, the film could have been about just about anything.  I’d watch Puss In Boots read the phone book as long as Antonio Banderas returned to do his voice.  The fact that the film itself was cute and even touching was an added bonus.

12. Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (dir by Guillermo del Toro and Mark Gustafson)

Yes, a puppet can make you cry.

11. Babylon (dir by Damien Chazelle)

Was it flawed?  You bet.  Did it run a little bit too long?  Yes, it did.  Could I have done without the scene with the elephant?  You better believe it.  That said, this film was so gloriously excessive and over-the-top that it was easy for me to forgive its flaws.  The critics may not have liked it but Babylon is a film that will be rediscovered.

10. The Fabelmans (dir by Steven Spielberg)

I went back and forth over whether to put The Fabelmans or Babylon in the number ten spot.  In a way, they’re kind of similar in that they have their flaws but they’re both saved by their director’s obvious love of cinema.  In the end, David Lynch’s role as John Ford moved The Fabelmans into the 10th spot.

9. Everything Everywhere All At Once (dir by the Daniels)

To be honest, I think some people are going a little bit overboard in their praise for this film.  Yes, it’s one of the year’s best but 2022 wasn’t that strong of a year and Everything is one of those probable Best Picture winners that, like Nomadland and CODA, will probably not be quite as celebrated after it actually wins.  That said, Michelle Yeoh and especially Ke Huy Quan deserve all the praise that they’ve received and I appreciated that the film featured the destruction of an IRS office.  It’s not as perfect as some say but, due largely to the cast, it still deserves to be in my top ten.

8. Nitram (dir by Justin Kurzel)

This is another unfairly overlooked film, this time from Australia.  Caleb Landry Jones gives a powerful and disturbing performance as a troubled young man named Nitram who commits an act of shocking violence.  Anthony LaPaglia and Judy Davis play Nitram’s parents, who are both troubled in their own individual ways.  Essie Davis plays the older woman who falls in love with Nitram, despite the fact that Nitram is incapable of loving anyone.

7. Emily the Criminal (dir by John Patton Ford)

Aubrey Plaza plays Emily, who discovers that not only does crime pay but, in the gig economy, it’s one of those few ways to get ahead.  Part thriller and part satire, Emily the Criminal reminds us that Plaza is one of the most interesting actresses working today.

6. All Quiet On The Western Front (dir by Edward Berger)

This German anti-war epic stays true to the themes of its source material while updating the plot for the modern era.  The contrast between the generals and the diplomats planning battles and the soldiers dying in them is a powerful one.

5. Elvis (dir by Baz Luhrmann)

This wonderfully excessive biopic features good music, a great performance from Austin Butler, and a wonderfully eccentric one from Tom Hanks.  Luhrmann is hardly a subtle director but Butler’s performance keeps the film from spiraling out of control.

4. Vengeance (dir by B.J. Novak)

This whip-smart satire of both true crime podcasts and the red state/blue state divide deserved far more attention than it received.  Ashton Kutcher has actually become a surprisingly dependable character actor.  Director and screenwriter Novak tells the story with sensitivity and a sharp eye for the absurd.

3. The Banshees of Inisherin (dir by Martin McDonagh)

In his best film yet, Martin McDonagh examines friendship, art, violence, and anger in Ireland.  Brendan Gleeson no longer wants to be Colin Farrell’s friend.  Farrell’s attempts to discover why leads to all sorts of surprising and macabre developments.  Gleeson and Farrell have never been better.  Kerry Condon and Barry Keoghan offer up poignant support.

2. Tar (dir by Todd Field)

Lydia Tar is a brilliant artist.  Does it matter that she also might be a terrible human being?  Todd Field’s return to filmmaking meditates on the meaning of art, morality, and the consequences of hubris.  Cate Blanchett is perfectly cast.  The scene where Tar talks to a student who objects to playing music by a white male is a real litmus test.  Do you think Tar is a bully or do you think the student is being too sensitive?  For all the talk about how Lydia dismisses the student’s claims, many also fail to note that the student is the one who calls her a “bitch” and runs out of the room.  Much as in Field’s previous film, no one is as perfect or as justified or as blameless as they may believe.

And, finally, my top film of 2022 is….

  1. Top Gun: Maverick (dir by Joseph Kosinski)

After 2 years of lockdowns and pessimism, Top Gun: Maverick was finally released and it reminded audiences of what they loved about movies in the first place.  Top Gun: Maverick was the movie that we needed in 2022.

Well, that concludes my late look back at 2022!  Now, let’s focus on 2023!

Lisa Marie’s 2022 In Review:

  1. 16 Worst Movies
  2. 10 Favorite Songs
  3. 10 Top Non-Fiction Books
  4. Lisa Marie’s Favorite Novels
  5. The Best of Lifetime
  6. 10 Good Things I Saw On Television

What If Lisa Marie Picked The Oscar Nominees: 2022 Edition


With the Oscar nominations due to be announced tomorrow, now is the time that the Shattered Lens indulges in a little something called, “What if Lisa Marie had all the power.” Listed below are my personal Oscar nominations. Please note that these are not the films that I necessarily think will be nominated. The fact of the matter is that the many of them will not be. Instead, these are the films that would be nominated if I was solely responsible for deciding the nominees this year. Winners are listed in bold.

It should also go without saying that I’ve only nominated films that I’ve actually seen.  So, if you’re wondering why a certain film wasn’t nominated, it’s always possible that may have not gotten the opportunity to see it yet.  Of course, it’s also possible that I didn’t feel that a certain film was worthy of a nomination, despite what the critics may say.  In the end, my best advice is not to worry too much about it.  I’m not an Academy voter so ultimately, this is all for fun and that’s the spirit in which it should be taken.

You’ll also note that I’ve added four categories, all of which I believe the Academy should adopt — Best Voice-Over Performance, Best Casting, Best Stunt Work, and Best Overall Use Of Music In A Film.

(Click on the links to see my nominations for 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, and 2010!)

And now, without any further ado:

2022 

Best Picture 

All Quiet on the Western Front 

The Banshees of Inisherin 

Elvis 

Emily the Criminal 

Everything Everywhere All At Once 

The Fabelmans 

Nitram 

TAR 

Top Gun: Maverick 

Vengeance  

Best Director 

Edward Berger for All Quiet on the Western Front  

Todd Field for TAR 

Joseph Kosinski for Top Gun: Maverick 

Baz Luhrmann for Elvis 

Martin McDonagh for The Banshees of Inisherin

BJ Novak for Vengeance 

Best Actor 

Austin Butler in Elvis 

Tom Cruise in Top Gun: Maverick 

Colin Farrell in The Banshees of Inisherin  

Caleb Landry Jones in Nitram 

BJ Novak in Vengeance  

Adam Sandler in Hustle 

Best Actress 

Cate Blanchett in TAR 

Emma Corrin in Lady Chatterley’s Lover  

Annie Hardy in Dashcam 

Mia Goth for Pearl 

Aubrey Plaza in Emily The Criminal 

Michelle Yeoh in Everything Everywhere All At Once 

Best Supporting Actor 

Brendan Gleeson in The Banshees of Inisherin 

Val Kilmer in Top Gun: Maverick 

Anthony LaPaglia in Nitram 

David Lynch in The Fabelmans 

Brad Pitt in Babylon 

Ke Huy Quan in Everything Everywhere All At Once 

Best Supporting Actress 

Kerry Condon in The Banshees of Inisherin 

Essie Davis in Nitram 

Judy Davis in Nitram  

Nina Hoss in TAR  

Nicole Kidman in The Northman 

Michelle Williams in The Fabelmans 

Best Voice Over Performance 

Antonio Banderas in Puss In Boots: The Last Wish 

Jack Black in Apollo 10 ½ 

Steve Carell in Minions: The Rise of Gru 

Mike Judge in Beavis and Butthead Do The Universe 

Ewan McGregor in Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio  

Jenny Slate in Marcel the Shell With Shoes On  

 

Best Adapted Screenplay 

All Quiet On The Western Front 

Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio   

Lady Chatterley’s Lover 

Marcel The Shell With Shoes On 

Operation Mincemeat 

Top Gun: Maverick 

Best Original Screenplay 

Apollo 10 ½

The Banshees of Inisherin 

Emily the Criminal 

Everything Everywhere All At Once 

TAR 

Vengeance 

Best Animated Feature Film 

Apollo 10 ½ 

Beavis and Butthead Do The Universe  

The Bob’s Burgers Movie 

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinoccio  

The House 

Mad God 

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On 

Minions: The Rise of Gru 

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

Turning Red  

Best Documentary Feature Film 

The Automat 

Bitterbrush

Dreaming Walls: Inside the Chelsea Hotel

Goodnight Oppy 

Is That Black Enough For You? 

My Old School 

Selena Gomez: My Mind And Me 

Send Me 

Three Minutes: A Lengthening 

Wildcat 

 

Best International Feature Film 

All Quiet on the Western Front 

Bardo 

Battle: Freestyle 

The Bombardment 

Dark Glasses

How I Fell In Love With A Gangster 

Into the Wind 

My Best Friend Anne Frank 

Restless 

RRR 

Best Live Action Short Film 

A Little Dead

Forgive Us Our Trespasses 

Best Animated Short Film 

The Flying Sailor

Ice Merchants

The Garbage Man 

Steakhouse 

Best Documentary Short Film 

Elephant Whisperers

Her Majesty’s Queue  

The Martha Mitchell Effect

Nuisance Bear 

The Runner 

Stranger at the Gate 

Best Original Score 

All Quiet On The Western Front 

Babylon 

The Banshees of Inisherin

Don’t Worry, Darling 

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio

Top Gun: Maverick 

 

Best Original Song 

“At the Automat” from The Automat 

“Sunny Side Up Summer” from The Bob’s Burgers Movie 

“Vegas” from Elvis

“Ciao Papa” from Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio  

“Naatu Naatu” from RRR 

“My Mind and Me” From Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me 

“Hold My Hand” From Top Gun: Maverick 

“Carolina” From Where The Crawdads Sing 

“New Body Rhumba” from White Noise 

“A Sky Like I’ve Never Seen” from Wildcat 

Best Overall Use of Music In A Movie 

The Banshees of Inisherin 

Elvis 

TAR   

Father Stu 

Top Gun: Maverick 

X 

Best Sound Editing 

All Quiet On The Western Front 

Avatar: The Way of the Water  

The Bombardment 

Elvis 

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinoccio  

Top Gun Maverick 

Best Sound Mixing 

All Quiet on the Western Front 

The Batman 

Elvis

TAR 

The Northman 

Top Gun Maverick 

Best Production Design 

Babylon

The Batman 

Elvis 

The Fabelmans 

RRR 

See How They Run

Best Casting 

All Quiet on the Western Front 

The Northman 

She Said 

TAR 

Top Gun: Maverick 

Vengeance 

Best Cinematography 

The Banshees of Inisherin 

Bardo   

Elvis 

Everything Everywhere All At Once

RRR 

Top Gun: Maverick 

Best Costume Design 

Babylon 

Death on the Nile 

Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Elvis

The Fabelmans

See How They Run  

Best Film Editing 

All Quiet on the Western Front  

Ambulance 

The Banshees of Inisherin 

Everything Everywhere All At Once   

The Fabelmans 

Top Gun: Maverick 

Best Make-Up and Hairstyling 

Babylon 

Elvis   

The Fabelmans   

The Northman  

Terrifier 2 

X 

Best Stuntwork 

All Quiet On The Western Front

The Batman 

Bullet Train    

Everything Everywhere All At Once 

RRR 

Top Gun: Maverick 

Best Visual Effects 

Avatar: The Way of Water 

Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness 

Mad God 

RRR 

Terrifier 2 

Top Gun: Maverick 

Films Listed By Number of Nominations

15 Nominations — Top Gun: Maverick

11 Nominations — Elvis

10 Nominations — All Quiet On The Western Front, The Banshees of Inisherin

8 Nominations — TAR

7 Nominations — Everything Everywhere All At Once, The Fabelmans

6 Nominations — Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio, RRR

5 Nominations — Babylon, Nitram, Vengeance

4 Nominations — The Northman, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

3 Nominations — Apollo 10 1/2, The Batman, Emily the Criminal, Marcel the Shell With Shoes On

2 Nominations — The Automat, Avatar: The Way of the Water, Bardo, Beavis and Butthead Do The Universe, The Bob’s Burgers Movie, The Bombardment, Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Mad Dog, Minions: The Rise of Gru, See How They Run, Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me, Terrifier 2, Wildcat, X

1 Nomination — A Little Dead, Ambulance, Battle: Freestyle, Bitterbush, Bullet Train, Dascham, Dark Glasses, Death on the Nile, Don’t Worry Darling, Dreaming Walls: Inside the Chelsea Hotel, Elephant Whisperers, Father Stu, The Flying Sailor, Forgive Us Our Trespasses, The Garbage Man, Goodnight Oppy, Her Majesty’s Queue, How I Fell In Love With A Gangster, Hustle, Ice Merchants, Into the Wind, Is That Black Enough For You?, The House, Hustle, The Martha Mitchell Effect, My Friend Anne Frank, My Old School, Nuisance Bear, Operation: Mincemeat, Pearl, Restless, The Runner, Send Me, She Said, Steakhouse, Stranger at the Gates, Three Minutes: A Lengthening, Turning Red, Where The Crawdads Sing, White Noise

Films Listed By Number of Wins:

6 Oscars — Top Gun: Maverick

4 Oscars — All Quiet on the Western Front, Banshees of Inisherin

2 Oscars — Babylon, Elvis, TAR

1 Oscars — A Little Death, Avatar: The Way of the Water, Beavis and Butthead Do The Universe, Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio, Ice Merchant, Nuisance Bear, Three Minutes: A Lengthening, X 

Will the Academy and I agree?  Probably not!  But we’ll find out for sure in just a few hours!

The Films of 2020: Dolittle (dir by Stephen Gaghan)


Dolittle tells the story of Dr. Dolittle (Robert Downey, Jr.), the eccentric doctor who can talk to the animals and who hasn’t had much use for humans ever since the tragic death of his wife, Lily (Kasia Smutniak).  Dolittle would be happy to just spend his entire life locked away in his estate, talking to Poly the Parrot (voice of Emma Thompson) and Chee-Chee the Gorilla (voice of Rami Malek) and all of the other animals but Dolitle has to eventually leave his home because otherwise, there wouldn’t be a movie.

When Queen Victoria (Jessie Buckley) is mysteriously taken ill, only Dolittle can save her.  Dolittle quickly realizes that the Queen has been poisoned and that the only cure for the poison is to be found on a tree that’s located on an island that no one has ever seen before.  Soon, Dolittle and the animals are sailing in search of the island.  Accompanying them is Tommy Stubbins (Harry Collett), a sensitive teen who hates to hunt and who hopes to become Dolittle’s apprentice.  Pursuing Dolittle is the evil Dr. Blair Mudfly (Michael Sheen), who went to college with Dolittle and who is in cahoots with the conspirators who are trying to do away with Queen Victoria.

Got all of that?  I hope so because we haven’t even gotten to the dragon with a set of bagpipes crammed up her ass.  Yes, you read that correctly.

Last year, Dolittle was one of the few major studio productions to actually get a wide release before COVID-19 closed down all the theaters.  It was released in January, which is traditionally the time when studios release the films that they hope everyone will have forgotten about by the time April rolls around.  January is traditionally the month when studios release the films that they know aren’t any good.  And, indeed, the reviews of Dolittle were overwhelmingly negative.  Not only did the critics hate Dolittle but audiences were also rather unenthusiastic and the film bombed at the box office.  Indeed, under normal circumstances, the reaction to Dolittle and its subsequent box office failure would be considered one of the year’s biggest disasters.  However, 2020 was a year of disasters.  Compared to everything else that ended up happening over the past 12 months, Dolittle’s lukewarm reception seems almost quaint now.

Earlier today, I finally watched Dolittle on HBOMax.  I was expecting the film to be terrible but it’s actually not quite as bad as I had been led to believe.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  Dolittle has a ton of problems.  The tone is all over the place as the film tries to mix cartoonish humor with thrilling adventure in a style that owes more to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise than it does to Dr. Dolittle.  Despite a few self-consciously manic moments, Robert Downey, Jr. seems remarkably bored in the lead role.  Many of the jokes fall flat and the awkward attempts to shoehorn the usual message of “be true to yourself” into the film just felt awkward.  That said, the CGI animals were cute enough to hold my interest and that’s really the most important thing when it comes to a film like Dolittle.  Cute animals — even computer generated ones — help to make up for a lot of flaws.

Dolittle’s final scene hints at a sequel or even a franchise.  Considering the reaction to the first film, I doubt we’ll get a second.  I do think Dr. Dolittle could make for an enjoyable PIXAR film but it might be time to give the live action adaptations a rest.

The Dallas-Ft. Worth Film Critics Association Names 1917 As The Best of 2019!


Reunion Tower (picture by Erin Nicole)

Here are the winners in Dallas!

BEST PICTURE

Winner: 1917

Runners-up: MARRIAGE STORY (2); PARASITE (3); THE IRISHMAN (4); ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (5); JOJO RABBIT (6); LITTLE WOMEN (7); THE FAREWELL (8); THE TWO POPES (9); KNIVES OUT (10)

BEST ACTOR

Winner: Adam Driver, MARRIAGE STORY

Runners-up: Joaquin Phoenix, JOKER (2); Antonio Banderas, PAIN AND GLORY (3); Leonardo DiCaprio, ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (4); Robert De Niro, THE IRISHMAN (5)

BEST ACTRESS

Winner: Scarlett Johansson, MARRIAGE STORY

Runners-up: Renée Zellweger, JUDY (2); Charlize Theron, BOMBSHELL (3); Saoirse Ronan, LITTLE WOMEN (4); Awkwafina, THE FAREWELL (5, tie); Lupita Nyong’o, US (5, tie)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Winner: Brad Pitt, ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD

Runners-up: Willem Dafoe, THE LIGHTHOUSE (2); Joe Pesci, THE IRISHMAN (3); Al Pacino, THE IRISHMAN (4); Shia LaBeouf, HONEY BOY (5)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Winner: Laura Dern, MARRIAGE STORY

Runners-up: Margot Robbie, BOMBSHELL (2); Florence Pugh, LITTLE WOMEN (3); Jennifer Lopez, HUSTLERS (4); Annette Bening, THE REPORT (5)

BEST DIRECTOR

Winner: Sam Mendes, 1917

Runners-up: Bong Joon-ho, PARASITE (2); Martin Scorsese, THE IRISHMAN (3); Quentin Tarantino, ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (4); Noah Baumbach, MARRIAGE STORY (5)

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Winner: PARASITE

Runners-up: PAIN AND GLORY (2); THE FAREWELL (3); LES MISÉRABLES (4); PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE (5)

BEST DOCUMENTARY

Winner: APOLLO 11

Runners-up: ONE CHILD NATION (2); AMERICAN FACTORY (3); HONEYLAND (4); FOR SAMA (5)

BEST ANIMATED FILM

Winner: TOY STORY 4

Runner-up: I LOST MY BODY

BEST SCREENPLAY

Winner: Noah Baumbach, MARRIAGE STORY

Runner-up: Steven Zaillian, THE IRISHMAN

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

Winner: Roger Deakins, 1917

Runner-up: Hong Kyung-pyo, PARASITE

BEST MUSICAL SCORE

Winner: Thomas Newman, 1917

Runner-up: Alexandre Desplat, LITTLE WOMEN

RUSSELL SMITH AWARD (best low-budget or cutting-edge independent film)

Winner: THE LIGHTHOUSE

Here Are The Nominations Of The Seattle Film Critics Society!


The winners will be revealed on December 16th!

BEST PICTURE OF THE YEAR

1917 (Universal Pictures)
The Farewell (A24)
Ford v Ferrari (20th Century Fox)
The Irishman (Netflix)
The Lighthouse (A24)
Little Women (Sony Pictures)
Marriage Story (Netflix)
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood (Sony Pictures)
Parasite (NEON)
Uncut Gems (A24)

BEST DIRECTOR

Robert Eggers – The Lighthouse
Greta Gerwig – Little Women
Bong Joon-ho – Parasite
Josh & Benny Safdie – Uncut Gems
Martin Scorsese – The Irishman

BEST ACTOR in a LEADING ROLE

Antonio Banderas – Pain and Glory
Robert De Niro –The Irishman
Adam Driver – Marriage Story
Joaquin Phoenix – Joker
Adam Sandler – Uncut Gems

BEST ACTRESS in a LEADING ROLE

Awkwafina – The Farewell
Scarlett Johansson – Marriage Story
Lupita Nyong’o – Us
Saoirse Ronan – Little Women
Renée Zellweger – Judy

BEST ACTOR in a SUPPORTING ROLE

Willem Dafoe – The Lighthouse
Tom Hanks – A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Song Kang-ho – Parasite
Joe Pesci – The Irishman
Brad Pitt – Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood

BEST ACTRESS in a SUPPORTING ROLE

Laura Dern – Marriage Story
Jennifer Lopez – Hustlers
Florence Pugh – Little Women
Taylor Russell – Waves
Zhao Shuzhen – The Farewell

BEST ENSEMBLE CAST

The Irishman
Knives Out
Little Women
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood
Parasite

BEST ACTION CHOREOGRAPHY

1917
Avengers: Endgame
Ford v Ferrari
John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum Shadow

BEST SCREENPLAY

The Farewell – Lulu Wang
The Irishman – Steven Zaillian
Knives Out – Rian Johnson
Marriage Story – Noah Baumbach
Parasite – Bong Joon-ho, Han Jin-won (screenplay); Bong Joon-ho (story)

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

Frozen II – Chris Buck & Jennifer Lee, directors
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World – Dean DeBlois, director
I Lost My Body – Jérémy Clapin, director
Missing Link – Chris Butler, director
Toy Story 4 – Josh Cooley, director

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

The Farewell – Lulu Wang, director
Monos – Alejandro Landes, director
Pain and Glory – Pedro Almodóvar, director
Parasite – Bong Joon-ho, director
Portrait of a Lady on Fire – Céline Sciamma, director

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

American Factory – Steven Bognar, Julia Reichert, directors Apollo 11 – Todd Douglas Miller, director
For Sama – Waad al-Kateab, Edward Watts, directors
Fyre – Chris Smith, director
Honeyland – Ljubomir Stefanov & Tamara Kotevska, directors

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

1917 – Roger Deakins
The Lighthouse – Jarin Blaschke
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood – Robert Richardson
Parasite – Hong Kyung-pyo
Portrait of a Lady on Fire – Claire Mathon

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

Dolemite is My Name – Ruth E. Carter
Downton Abbey – Anna Mary Scott Robbins
Little Women – Jacqueline Durran
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood – Arianne Phillips
Rocketman – Julian Day

BEST FILM EDITING

1917 – Lee Smith
The Irishman – Thelma Schoonmaker
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood – Fred Raskin
Parasite – Yang Jin-mo
Uncut Gems – Ronald Bronstein, Benny Safdie

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

1917 – Thomas Newman
Joker – Hildur Guðnadóttir
The Last Black Man in San Francisco – Emile Mosseri
Uncut Gems – Daniel Lopatin
Us – Michael Abels

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

1917 – Dennis Gassner (Production Designer); Lee Sandales (Set Decorator)
The Irishman – Bob Shaw (Production Designer); Regina Graves (Set Decorator)
Little Women – Jess Gonchor (Production Designer); Claire Kaufman (Set Decorator)
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood – Barbara Ling (Production Designer); Nancy Haigh (Set Decorator)
Parasite – Lee Ha-jun (Production Designer)

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

1917 – Guillaume Rocheron, Greg Butler, Dominic Tuohy
Ad Astra – Allen Maris, Jedediah Smith, Guillaume Rocheron, Scott R. Fisher
Alita: Battle Angel – Nick Epstein, Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon
Avengers: Endgame – Dan DeLeeuw, Matt Aitken, Russell Earl, Dan Sudick
The Irishman – Pablo Helman, Leandro Estebecorena, Stephane Grabli, Nelson Sepulveda

BEST YOUTH PERFORMANCE (18 years of age or younger upon start of filming)

Julia Butters – Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood
Kyliegh Curran – Doctor Sleep
Roman Griffith Davis – Jojo Rabbit
Noah Jupe – Honey Boy

Thomasin McKenzie – Jojo Rabbit

VILLAIN OF THE YEAR

Arthur Fleck/The Joker – Joker – portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix
Red – Us – portrayed by Lupita Nyong’o
The Red Dress – In Fabric – portrayed by a red dress
Rose the Hat – Doctor Sleep – portrayed by Rebecca Ferguson

Russell Bufalino – The Irishman – portrayed by Joe Pesci

The Los Angeles Film Critics Association Honors Parasite and Jennifer Lopez


On Sunday, the Los Angeles Film Critics Association announced their picks for the best of 2019!  Parasite was named Best Picture while Jennifer Lopez finally picked up an award for her acclaimed performance in Hustlers.

Here’s a full list of the winners:

Best Picture

  • “PARASITE”

Runner-up: “THE IRISHMAN”

Best Foreign-Language Film

  • “PAIN AND GLORY”

Runner-up: “PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE”

Best Director

  • Bong Joon Ho, “PARASITE”

Runner-up: Martin Scorsese, “THE IRISHMAN”

Best Actor

  • Antonio Banderas – “PAIN AND GLORY”

Runner-Up: Adam Driver – “MARRIAGE STORY”

Best Actress

  • Mary Kay Place, “DIANE”

Runner-up: Lupita Nyong’o, “US”

Best Supporting Actress

  • Jennifer Lopez, “HUSTLERS”

Runner-up: Zhao Shuzhen, “THE FAREWELL”

Best Supporting Actor

  • Song Kang Ho, “PARASITE”

Runner-Up: Joe Pesci, “THE IRISHMAN”

Best Cinematography

  • Claire Mathon, “PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE” & “ATLANTICS”

Runner-Up: Roger Deakins, “1917”

Best Screenplay

  • Noah Baumbach, “MARRIAGE STORY”

Runner-Up: Bong Joon Ho and Han Jin Won, “PARASITE”

Best Music/Score

  • Dan Levy, “I LOST MY BODY”

Runner-Up: Thomas Newman, “1917”

Best Documentary/Nonfiction Film

  • “AMERICAN FACTORY”

Runner-up: “APOLLO 11”

Best Animation

  • “I LOST MY BODY”

Runner-Up: “TOY STORY 4”

Best Production Design

  • Barbara Ling, “ONCE UPON A TIME … IN HOLLYWOOD”

Runner-up: Ha Jun Lee, “PARASITE”

Best Editing

  • Todd Douglas Miller, “APOLLO 11”

Runner-up: Ronald Bronstein & Benny Safdie,” UNCUT GEMS”

Douglas Edwards Experimental Film

  • THE GIVERNY DOCUMENT, Ja’Tovia Gary

New York Film Critics Circle Honor The Irishman, Banderas, and Nyong’o!


The New York Film Critics Circle just voted on and announced their picks for the best of 2019!  (It took about four and a half hours, which is quick by NYFCC standards.)  The Irishman winning Best Picture isn’t a shock but just check out some of the other winners!  The Safdie Brothers for best director!  Lupita Nyong’o and Antonio Banderas for best lead performances!  Check out all the love given to international films!

Now, just because a critics group embraces a film or performance, that doesn’t mean the Oscars will do the same.  (Last year, for instance, Regina Hall was deservedly named best actress but was snubbed by the Academy.)  Still, these awards will keep these names in the conversation and both Banderas and Nyong’o — who, despite their acclaimed performances, have been overshadowed by Adams Driver and Sandler and Renee Zellweger — will probably see at least a little renewed interest as a result of these wins.

Here are the NYFCC winners!

  • Best Picture: The Irishman
  • Best Director: The Safdie Brothers for Uncut Gems
  • Best Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino for Once Upon A Time In Hollywood
  • Best Actress: Lupita Nyong’o in Us
  • Best Actor: Antonio Banderas in Pain & Glory
  • Best Supporting Actress: Laura Dern in Marriage Story and Little Women
  • Best Supporting Actor: Joe Pesci in The Irishman
  • Best Cinematography: Claire Mathon, Portrait of a Lady on Fire
  • Best Non-fiction Film: Tamara Kotevska, Ljubomir Stefanov, “Honeyland” (NEON)
  • Best Foreign Language Film: “Parasite” (South Korea)
  • Best Animated Feature: Jérémy Clapin, “I Lost My Body” (Netflix)
  • Best First Film: Mati Diop, “Atlantics”
  • Special Award For Career Achievement: Randy Newman
  • Special Award: Indie Collect