Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Ep 3.6, (Dir. Michael Goi)


sabrina

I couldn’t totally tell if I was being entertained by this episode. I’m gonna say no because it’s taken me a week to write this. I have to review Sabrina in stages like getting oral surgery. They root canal you- Sabrina Season Opener, They put bone and hardware up into your gums – mid-season Sabrina, and finally you get a new fake tooth and it’s over- Sabrina Season Finale.

If it weren’t the live tweet sessions with Lisa, I would’ve lost it long ago.  Those banter sessions make the show pretty fun; it’s a shame that the writers and directors can’t achieve that on their very own. In that same vein, if Harvey gets to be any more boring, he’s just going to be recapping his favorite scenes from “How it’s Made” on the Science Channel.  Hey Sabrina, you know what’re swell? Diving Helmets!

At least in this episode, Sabrina didn’t have to find anything. FFS, every episode has been

I miss Nick. But, Sabrina the Town. NIIIIIIIICK!  Sabrina wait….

NO, I’ve to find Judas’ silver, a stop sign, and an Easter basket and have it back at the rec center by Midnight!

Meanwhile courtly intrigue, Caliban is proposing to Sabrina to be his Queen of Hell and he’ll prove he’s on the up and up by making a crappy spell to turn Roz back from stone.  To do this, Harvey has to give up the thing he loves most – his 19th Century Danish Coin Collection.  He actually had to kiss Roz and it would make her not want to have anything to do with him anymore.  They should’ve just had Harvey try express a fully formed thought- she would’ve rolled her stone body the hell out of Greendale lickity split! The kiss didn’t work because he supposedly still loves Sabrina.  Instead, they just capture Circe and she changes everyone back from stone. Oh well.

Hilda is super-gross and nearly full-on spider. She puts a glamour on and decides to hang out with Dr Cee.  Unfortunately, she losses her glamour and he sees all of her spiderness.  He does what any fiance would do and gets her some fast food.  Why not?  While he’s gone, she eats a guy who must be 90% balloon, given the blood splatter.  When he does return, Hilda corners Dr Cee, has him fertilize her eggs (somehow yeech), and kills him.  Hilda tells her sister to come and bring a gun and Zelda kills Hilda.  Afterall, Zelda used to kill Hilda once a month; so, Zelda puts Hilda in the resurrection plot device out front and waits for Hilda’s return.

Lastly, Lilith seduces father Blackwood so that she will have a Satan baby to keep Lucifer from killing her.  Why not?

This episode was not terrible, but not great.  It kind of made me sad for Hilda and the actress herself because she rarely gets to show any range.  In this episode, we find out that she has a broadway quality voice. Oh well, Lisa’s got the next one. Tag, you’re it!

Dear Guest: Movie Preview, Review, Poster, and Trailer


poster

Preview:

A couple checks into a vacation rental, only to find that the anonymous host likes to play games on its guests and you!

Ashley Bell (The Last Exorcism) and Noureen DeWulf (Good Girls) as a couple who soon regrets renting this picturesque home for their long awaited vacation.

Ab

Quote:

“Dear Guest, you are staying in my home now. You are locked in so don’t try to run.”

My Review:

Dear Guest is only about a 12 minute short horror movie. However, in those short 12 minutes Megan Freels Johnston (Director and writer) did everything she could to intrigue, scare, and horrify. After watching it several times I am still shaken. The music that plays in the background is just so enticing and enchanting…before you know it you are completely…Locked in….

Would I Recommend this movie?

Seriously, in less than 12 minutes ‘Dear Guest’ scared me, not only scared me, horrified me beyond most recent short books, movies, and novellas I have watched or read recently. So, for short story horror fans…. This!

I’m not sure how to explain it, but…. Enjoy Your Stay….

Here is the trailer:

Credits: Look At Me Films

 

The Titan (Dir. Lennart Ruff)- Review by Case Wright


Titan guy

Movies should first entertain, BUT in a pandemic, they really just need to be on the TV and better than Hallmark Channel Christmas movie background noise.  Lennart Ruff, the director, has an IMDB page similar to the film itself:  there’s moments of talent, but they’re muffled by a plot and directing style that morphs more than the lead character and he loses his fingers and genitals.

The Titan is part of an ever growing eco-disaster film sub-genre that basically want us to recycle or die. If it means these movies will stop, I will sort my plastic (no…no, I won’t).  The Earth is in collapse, but that doesn’t totally make sense either because the film says that the Earth is overpopulated, causing this eco-disaster.  However, it posits that 50%+ of the Earth population will perish….Ok….so wouldn’t we just be Populated then and return to normal over a period of centuries?  This is where I don’t get environmentalism; it has this underlying “I Told You So! Now, it’s all over and there’s nothing you can do about it! HA!” feel to it.

Professor Martin Collingwood (Tom Wilkinson) has a plan to get us off earth and survive by moving to Brooklyn… no wait… Titan the moon that’s around Saturn. But how will Professor Collingwood accomplish this task? He will do it with forced evolution and yelling a lot.  The key to his plan is Lieutenant Rick Janssen. A number of critics and dry white toast claim that Sam Worthington is a bland actor.  I don’t really see that as much as I think he’s trying to be very Gary Cooper and maybe he succeeds. Professor Collingwood arranges to have all these military heroes and Rick go through forced evolution so that they can survive the horrible conditions on Titan, lose their genitals.

As the forced evolution goes forward, Rick changes into an alien. Well? So? That’s what he was supposed to become and …. he did.  I did not understand the outrage with that.  He does end up looking like a space alien mated with a Pandora escapee, but this is about saving the species- sort of.

The last act act was as entertaining as it was disconnected from the preceding plot-line. There was killing, speeches, more killing, a quasi-love scene, anime-tentacle stuff goin on, and he kinda flies at end. It was weird.  It did have some syfy elements, but overall – it was really really dumb.

The biggest issue that I have with the film is that it goes from being directed like a documentary, which was fun to watch like an Apollo 11 behind the scenes feel.  Unfortunately, it went from that to a marriage struggle film, to an Erin Brokovich feel, to a monster movie, and then there was the whole flying around thing, tentacles doing things. It was was more all over the place than a drunken Jackson Pollack.

If it had just picked one genre instead of 30, it would’ve been a pretty great film.  Who are we kidding? You can’t leave your house and those 4800 rolls of toilet paper aren’t making you any healthier.  Really, it’s either this movie or Tiger King. I knew about people in Arkansas getting tigers for years and never sought to know more.  I might watch it eventually, but it rubs me the wrong way for now at least.  See how annoying it is when a person goes off on a tangent?  Imagine that for about two hours, but The Titan is louder than background noise and has no genitals.

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, S3, Ep2 “Drag Me to Hell” (Dir Alex Pillai)


sabrina

Have you have ever been in a relationship that goes sour, but occasionally you get the hang out phone call and it’s really fun? That is what this show is.  It’s usually terrible, but every now and again, it has an episode so good that you’re like- Why can’t it be like this all the time?!!! Why’d you marry Tom?!!!! I mean…TOM?! REALLY?!

This episode through me for a curve because the director – Alex Pillai is not known for horror, but he really knows the soul of this show.  It’s supposed to be suspenseful with some shots that show that we are in comic book reality with practical effects.  The episode established the stakes early on, built up the tension, and pulled you into the characters. In short, this director has a gift for horror and should be hired right away!

The writing by Ashley Chin was really well done as well. I was seeing a lot of dramatic pieces and wondered? How did he have such a great head for horror/thrillers? Then, I saw it: The Walking Dead!!! BOOM! I hope he writes more horror; he is gifted! WHY WHY WHY can’t it be like this anymore?!!!!!!

Sabrina is getting used to her job as the new Lucifer all while juggling being a…. cheerleader? Sure, why not? Fine.  It turns out that Sabrina needs to be like Sam in Reaper and take sold souls to hell.  The first soul she meets is this elderly chess master and she….lets him go? Why? Well, this does not sit well with Hell’s bureaucracy!

So, the next soul to take is this seemingly nice ice cream van vendor.  Sabrina was about to get all mushy with him too because she is preternaturally incompetent, but this changes when he says that he should get another 7 year extension by killing a child.  In fact, he already kidnapped her, sending Sabrina (and her much happier friends when Sabrina is not around) to find the child and send the ice cream man to Hell.  Side Note: could they have gone Reservoir Dogs on the ice cream man and shortened the episode by 45 minutes? Yes, but this poor judgement is in character for Sabrina to NOT think of that because as stated before she is BAD AT EVERYTHING!

Sabrina searches and searches and when she discovers the whereabouts of the child, she ignores her friend who says she should not do the rescue alone and…. she gets captured because of course she does.  Don’t worry Sabrina finds a way o….just kidding no way not Sabrina; she needs to be rescued because she is BAD AT EVERYTHING! Despite Sabrina’s incompetence, the episode did not let up the suspense, the plot moved nicely and there is a great practical effect pay off when the ice cream man is caught.

Other events: Blackwood is captured, becomes the new vessel for Lucifer, and the Eldritch terrors are coming.  So you know what that means: Nick is back and there’s gonna be trouble. Hey na, hey na, Nick is back!

Get ready for Lisa’s reviews of 3 and 4!!!

cheer!

 

 

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, S3,Ep1, “The Hellbound Heart” (Dir. Rob Seidenglanz)


sabrina

Welcome to horrorth….Wait a minute, it’s not October….it’s …February?  Yes.  Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is like a failed marriage, aging football player, or your dad posting a video on YouTube; it should’ve stopped awhile ago.  Kiernan Shipka is a great actress, but it’s like she’s been shackled to the Detroit Tigers.  It doesn’t help that the director Rob Seidenglanz could make the Titanic sinking feel like watching C-Span.

The entire episode from the Party City inspired costumes to the bad middle school sets to the pedestrian camera angles….it was just awful.  Although I do like seeing a Lead Character as a self-centered incompetent, it’s refreshing and accurate for life.  Am I going to watch and review this season? Of course I will, but I will be sharing the pain with Lisa who will review episodes 3-6. We may even do another Livetweet … Fingers Crossed!

We left off last season with Nick trapping the devil inside his brain and got carried off to Hell to save humanity.  Well, I guess to heck with all that heroism because Sabrina misses her boyfriend and she REALLY doesn’t care about anything or anyone else.

First, going to take Nick out of Hell, puts everyone at risk who is strong-armed into going with her on this unnecessary adventure. Second, if they get Nick back and he dies, Lucifer is unleashed upon our world.  Third, I don’t need a third; this is dumb.

Sabrina decides that she wants to go to Hell and get Nick out. Fine. She of course does the reasonable thing and just takes herself into Hell and doesn’t risk her friends lives.  No, she risks everyone: Harvey, Theo, and Rosalind.  Side Note: Rosalind was blind for a while, but can see now…that’s weird.  Sabrina pushes her friends around and then they agree to go to Hell with her.  One note, the second Sabrina isn’t around all of her friends they start singing and start a band.  They need to read some self-help books about toxic friends.

The group goes into hell and it really looks like a British Columbia beach. They run into Theo’s uncle who’s being tortured in Hell. Of course, Sabrina insists that they stop and help Theo’s uncle. NO, Sabrina’s an Owner of Lonely Heart and she’s gotta get Nick back or there’s gonna be trouble hey na hey na. During the journey, we see that Lilith is ruling Hell in a Party City outfit and 10 dollar crown.  For some reason, Lilith is angry at Sabrina and it’s not clear why.  There’s also this boring intrigue competition for the throne of hell and can you blame them?! It’s British Columbia beach front!!!!

Sabrina confronts Lilith… because I just don’t know why. Sigh. Sabrina ascends to the Hell Throne – I’m assuming that’s what it’s called.  However, Sabrina is just going to run Hell part-time like an Uber side-hustle because she’s got debate team, mathletes, and 4H; so, this is the LAST extra-curricular. Period.  Lilith will advise Sabrina in her part-time Hell-gig.  This is the best of the worst: Sabrina gets Nick out of hell and them…. puts him in a … dungeon. Yep, after all that, she puts him in a dungeon.  Fine. There’s a lot of exposition that there’s some “Old Ones” coming to town and I keep thinking it’s going to be Wilford Brimley.  Maybe, Sabrina will come down with Dia-beetus? Beach party

New Movie Posters for you to see (With trailers included!)


I know, I know, I have been away from posting my normal movie previews and reviews for a while, that is my fault!

But I’ll be back to posting my normal movie previews/reviews soon!

Until then here are some things you can look forward to me previewing and reviewing:

A Perfect Host

2020 movie posters

Alien OutBreak

Alien outbreak

Covenant

Covenant

 

And last, but not least, You might have been…

Stalked

Hope you all enjoyed my tour through my movie screeners I get to watch this month!

The Dwelling: Movie preview, review and trailer


Snuggling in your bed this winter….warm and cozy…waiting on the sweet dreams to appear…. Wishing there was no monsters under your bed?…..Well, think again!

The dwelling

 

Technicals: 

Directed by Jeff Maher, and written by Jeff Maher and Cody Calahan and stars Alysa King and Gwenlyn Cumyn

Preview:

Four people find themselves stuck on a haunted antique bed where leaving means suffering a gruesome death. Plagued with frightening hallucinations, they must figure out the bed’s secrets before they are ultimately picked off one by one.

Review:

Will I trepidly sleep tonight? Most definitely! If you ever feel the need to sleep on a friends futon, after watching this movie you might should think again. Oh, and that sound.. just as you are falling asleep…..Yeah, they just might be a friend confessing their deepest, darkest secrets to you just to stay alive. You want to stay alive? Well, confess too!

Ok, as I started my review while watching “The Dwelling” There is a gut-punch moment that I didn’t see coming. “Don’t be scared, just keep your eyes closed” It hit close to home with me.

I’m still processing. This movie kinda messed with me on a couple different levels. Nightmares are not the least.

Would I recommend “The Dwelling”?

If you need sleep, then no! If you want a good horror movie to keep you awake all night, then definitely!

I want to stay awake and watch it where can I:

Well, you will have to wait until November 26th. When Uncork’d Entertainment and Black Fawn Films’ release “The Dwelling” on DVD and VOD.

Until you sleep again here is the trailer:

 

The Tokoloshe: Movie Preview, Review and Trailer


Poster tokoloshe

Technicals:

Director: Jerome Pikwane

Writers: Richard Kunzmann and Jerome Pikwane,

Stars: Petronella Tshuma, Kwande Nkosi, and Dawid Minnaar,

Preview:

Busi, a young destitute woman with dangerously repressed emotions, lands a job as a cleaner at a rundown hospital in the heart of Johannesburg. Desperate for the money so she can bring her younger sister to Johannesburg, she must cope despite the predatory and corrupt hospital manager. When Busi discovers an abandoned young girl in the hospital, who believes she is tormented by a supernatural force, Busi must face her own demons from her past in order to save the child from the abusive monster that pursues them both relentlessly.

 

Review:

Between some of the other horror movies I have watched recently, and this one, South Africa is becoming a haven for independent horror movies (and I meant that in a good way). With mind f**kery and subtle scare tactics, this is one of the best horror movies I have seen this year! There is a good bit of subtitles in this movie, but, they never distract from the movie itself.

Would I Recommend The Tokoloshe?

Absolutely! As soon as you can spend your Bitcoins, Amazon coins, or any other coins you have and watch this movie!

Where can you see it?

The Tokoloshe will be distributed on all video platforms by Uncork’d Entertainment with Evolutionary Films on December 3rd.

Wait, What if  I can’t wait that long to see it?

Well, you’ll have to. But, until then here is the trailer!

 

 

Lisa’s Week In Review: 10/28/19 — 11/3/19


Reset your clocks

Between the end of this year’s Horrorthon and the changing of the clocks on Saturday night, I’m exhausted.  So, I apologize for not even attempting to be witty before presenting this week’s list of things.

Films I Watched:

  1. Angel On My Shoulder (1946)
  2. Black Sabbath (1963)
  3. The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)
  4. The Craft (1996)
  5. Dead Night (2018)
  6. Get Over It (2001)
  7. Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell (1968)
  8. Halloween (1978)
  9. The Hitcher II: I’ll Be Waiting (2003)
  10. I Walked With A Zombie (1943)
  11. The King (2019)
  12. The Living Skeleton (1968)
  13. My Teacher, My Obsession (2018)
  14. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
  15. Quigley Down Under (1990)
  16. Vampire Over London (1952)
  17. Vampire’s Kiss (1989)
  18. Your Family or Your Life (2019)

Television Shows I Watched:

  1. 9-1-1
  2. Dancing With The Stars
  3. Fear Thy Neighbor
  4. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
  5. Mrs. Fletcher
  6. Saved By The Bell
  7. Silicon Valley
  8. South Park
  9. Survivor 39
  10. The Voice

Books That I Read:

  1. Horror Hotel (1983) by Hilary Milton
  2. Nightmare Store (1982) by Hilary Milton

Music To Which I Listened:

  1. All Saints
  2. Big Data
  3. The Burning Hell
  4. Coldplay
  5. Crud
  6. Daemonia
  7. Goblin
  8. Haim
  9. Jakalope
  10. John Carpenter
  11. Lana del Rey
  12. Luna
  13. M4Sonic
  14. Rob Cantor
  15. Saint Motel
  16. Shakira
  17. Taking Back Sunday
  18. Thom Yorke
  19. Zeds dead

Links From Last Week:

  1. My Saturday of Books
  2. The Women Who Helped Build Hollywood
  3. A Little Tribute To Gary Loggins From The Cracked Rear Viewer Film Site

News From Last Week:

  1. Jordan Peele feels uncomfortable with fans dressing up as the Tethered from ‘Us’
  2. Black turtleneck shortage linked to Elizabeth Holmes Halloween costumes

Links From The Site:

  1. Leonard reviewed Doctor Sleep!
  2. Doc has a special Halloween message for all of our readers!
  3. Case reviewed The Last Halloween, The Bloody Ballad of Squirt Roberts, Night of the Slasher, the Halloween reboot, and an episode of Titans!
  4. Erin shared vintage Halloween postcards and The Covers of Adventures Into The Unknown!  She also wrote about the World Series and shared Image of Evil, To The Dark Tower, Strangers In The Night, The Rest Is Silence, The Big Binge, Frisco Dame, and She Killed In Cuffs.  She counted down the days til Halloween: 3, 2, 1, 0.  She wished everyone a happy Halloween and celebrated the end of the day!
  5. Jeff reviewed the debut of Man-Wolf, Night Trap, Bloody Wednesday, Lonely Water, Heavy Rain, Tale of the Vampire, Beyond: Two Souls, Absolution, the time Spider-Man met the Monster Maker, Ghost Watch, Detroit: Become Human, and The Good Son!
  6. Ryan reviewed The Ghost In The Darkness, One Winter Night, Malarkey, Rooftop Stew, and This Never Happened, along with sharing his weekly reading round-up!
  7. Because it was Halloween and all, I posted too much stuff to list here.  Feel free to search the sight and take a look though!

More From Us:

  1. At Days Without Incident, Leonard shared I Ain’t Superstitious!
  2. For Horror Critic, I reviewed The Craft and I Walked With A Zombie!
  3. For SyFyDesigns, I wrote Halloween Approaches!
  4. At my music site, I shared songs from Goblin, Luna, John Carpenter, Daemonia, Taking Back Sunday, Lana del Rey, and Coldplay!
  5. For the Reality TV Chat Blog, I reviewed the latest episode of Survivor!
  6. At Pop Politics, Jeff shared The UK Is Having A General Election, Beto’s Out, and Do Something With Your Clocks Tonight!
  7. On her photography site, Erin shared Dark Places, Signs of Life, Crowd, Winter Is Coming, Wall Snow, Morning At The Creek, and Isolated.
  8. Ryan has a Patreon! Please consider subscribing!

Want to see what I did last week?  Click here!

AMV Of The Day: Shatter Me (Vampire Knight)


As we enter November, here’s one last horror-related AMV before starting the first weekend of a new month.

Anime: Vampire Knight

Song: Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling

Creator: Vincent AMV’s

Past AMVs of the Day