Horror Series Review: Salem’s Lot (by Tobe Hooper & Paul Monash)


“Open the window, Mark.” — Danny Glick

A town doesn’t have to look sinister to be hiding something rotten. That idea gives Tobe Hooper’s 1979 Salem’s Lot much of its staying power. Sure, there’s a creepy old house overlooking the neighborhood, but the real trouble settles into places that should feel reassuring: bedrooms, family homes, and familiar streets. Adapted from Stephen King’s novel, the miniseries turns an ordinary community into a feeding ground without losing sight of what made it ordinary in the first place. It’s uneven, occasionally stiff, and unmistakably a television production, yet its best moments deliver the sort of unease that expensive effects can’t guarantee.

The story begins with novelist Ben Mears, played by David Soul, returning to Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine. He’s drawn back partly by disturbing memories of the Marsten House, a property that seems to concentrate the town’s darkness. Unfortunately, antiques dealer Richard Straker and his mysterious partner, Kurt Barlow, have taken an interest in the place, too. Their arrival coincides with disappearances, illnesses, and deaths that suggest something worse than local bad luck. It’s familiar vampire territory, but familiarity works in its favor. We recognize the warning signs while the characters struggle to explain them away, creating tension between what the audience suspects and what the town will believe.

Hooper takes his time getting everyone into position, which is both a strength and a frustration. The early stretches contain plenty of conversation and everyday business before the supernatural threat becomes impossible to ignore. Some scenes could move faster, and a few supporting characters seem more interesting in principle than in practice. Still, the buildup matters. King’s novel isn’t simply about a vampire turning up; it’s about an entire town becoming vulnerable to him. The miniseries cannot reproduce the book’s full social landscape, but it establishes enough relationships and routines to make the destruction feel like more than a body count.

The town also isn’t an innocent paradise suddenly spoiled by an outside monster. Secrets, resentments, and unpleasant impulses already exist beneath its respectable surface. The vampires don’t invent those weaknesses so much as exploit them. This is an important part of King’s novel to preserve, and the adaptation gets the idea across even when individual subplots feel abbreviated. The Marsten House may be the obvious symbol of evil, but it doesn’t exist in isolation. Its presence above the town suggests a darkness everyone can see and would rather leave alone. That indifference makes the setting more interesting than a collection of unsuspecting victims.

Soul provides a steady center as Ben, even if his restrained performance sometimes borders on flatness. He’s convincing as a man returning to unfinished emotional business, and his seriousness keeps the increasingly bizarre events grounded. There’s little danger of him making the material feel campy. His reserve occasionally creates distance, though, especially when the story needs a stronger emotional response. Ben works best as an observer forced into action, someone whose interest in haunted history becomes considerably less comfortable once it stops behaving like material for a book. Soul conveys that shift more effectively than the warmer aspects of the character.

The romance with Susan Norton, played by Bonnie Bedelia, is less satisfying. Their relationship offers a glimpse of the life Ben might build in town, giving him something to move toward rather than simply something to investigate. That’s useful, but the scenes don’t always generate enough warmth to make the possibility compelling. Bedelia brings an appealing directness to Susan, yet the relationship can feel emotionally hurried even when the surrounding story moves slowly. You understand why it belongs without becoming invested in every exchange. A stronger connection would have given the supernatural threat a more painful personal dimension.

Lance Kerwin makes a livelier impression as Mark Petrie, a horror-loving kid whose interests become unexpectedly practical. Mark could have been a convenient walking instruction manual, but Kerwin gives him enough vulnerability to avoid that trap. He recognizes the danger without becoming immune to it. There’s also something satisfying about a character who takes the evidence seriously rather than endlessly refusing to accept it. His imagination helps him understand the situation, but it doesn’t make everything manageable. That distinction captures something essential about King’s treatment of childhood: knowing what the monster is can help you survive, but it won’t stop you from being terrified.

James Mason is the cast’s great weapon. As Straker, he brings such controlled unpleasantness that a polite conversation can feel like a threat. His calm suggests someone completely comfortable with things everyone else would find horrifying. Is he being dismissive, quietly amused, or openly contemptuous? Often, the answer seems to be all three. Mason gives the production authority whenever he appears, making civilized behavior look like something a predator has learned to imitate. He’s particularly effective because he doesn’t strain for menace. The performance lets us sense the cruelty beneath the manners without constantly dragging it into view.

That elegance becomes especially important because Barlow departs sharply from the novel. King’s vampire can speak, manipulate, and present a recognizable personality. Hooper and actor Reggie Nalder instead give us a largely silent creature, leaving Straker to handle the smooth conversation. Readers who miss the original Barlow have a fair argument: something is lost when an articulate villain becomes primarily a physical menace. Onscreen, though, the decision pays off. With his bald head, pointed ears, and jutting teeth, this Barlow recalls Nosferatu rather than a charming drawing-room vampire. He looks fundamentally unwelcome, and Hooper limits his appearances enough to keep that impression potent.

Even so, Barlow isn’t responsible for the miniseries’ most haunting imagery. That honor belongs to the children floating outside bedroom windows. These sequences create a nasty collision of recognition and wrongness: the face is familiar, but its position, movement, and expression are not. The glass offers protection, yet the request to be let inside makes that protection uncertain. Hooper turns the instinct to welcome someone you know into something dangerous. The possibility that affection might defeat caution makes these scenes more troubling than a straightforward attack. They threaten not only physical safety but the trust that makes a home feel secure.

The windows themselves are wonderfully simple horror devices. They let the characters see the danger while leaving them exposed to its attention. A wall would conceal it; an open doorway would admit it. The glass suspends the scene between those possibilities, stretching out the question of whether the barrier will hold. Mist and unnatural movement complete the effect without requiring elaborate explanations. Almost everyone understands the feeling of being awake in a dark room, looking toward a window and wishing something more substantial separated inside from outside. Hooper takes that common vulnerability and gives it a face.

Moments like these make the television restrictions feel less like a handicap than a challenge Hooper knows how to use. Without relying on graphic violence, he builds horror through faces, shadows, sound, and timing. The production doesn’t always escape its limitations: some exchanges feel conventional, transitions can be abrupt, and the pacing occasionally stalls. But the ordinary interiors also help establish the world being invaded. These look like rooms where people eat dinner, argue, and sleep. The adaptation sacrifices some of the novel’s complexity, thinning supporting characters and narrowing the town’s communal collapse, yet preserves the frightening contrast between everyday surroundings and impossible events.

What finally makes Salem’s Lot worth returning to isn’t perfect fidelity or flawless pacing. It’s the way Hooper understands what the vampires take away before they take anyone’s life: the ability to trust familiar surroundings and familiar faces. King explores that collapse more deeply, but the miniseries preserves its central nightmare with remarkable force. Its quieter stretches give the horror somewhere recognizable to live, and its strongest images make that recognition uncomfortable. By the end, the town’s comforting routines have become part of the trap. For a production working within network television’s boundaries, that’s an impressive achievement—and a more lasting scare than extra blood would have provided.

Idle Hands (1999, directed by Rodman Flender)


Anton (Devon Sawa) is a teenager who is so busy getting high and sitting on the couch that it takes him a few days to realize that his right hand has been possessed and has murdered his parents. The hand also kills his two best friends (Seth Green and Elden Henson), but fortunately, they’re able to stick around and talk to him as members of the living dead. Meanwhile, all Anton wants to do is go out on a date with the hot girl next door, Molly (Jessica Alba). Meanwhile, a demon hunter (Vivica A. Fox) is searching for the evil force that has possessed Anton’s hand.

No wonder we all loved this movie in 1999!

Watching the film today, I’m still impressed by the energy of Idle Hands, even if the movie seems to be trying too hard to imitate the zaniness of Sam Raimi. It’s interesting to compare Devon Sawa’s performance here to his more serious turn in Final Destination. I remember that the film was controversial when it first came out because the Columbine shootings were still fresh on everyone’s mind and people weren’t in the mood to laugh at a homicidal teenager, even one who was ultimately not responsible for the actions of his possessed hand. Seen today, the action in Idle Hands is too broad to really be taken seriously as a potentially bad influence.

There wasn’t a teenage boy alive in 1999 who didn’t have a crush on Jessica Alba, but also there wasn’t a boy who didn’t know the awkwardness of not feeling like he could control himself. Sure, we may not have had a possessed hand, but we still always seemed to do the wrong thing at the exact moment that everyone else was watching. If Anton thinks having a possessed hand is bad, just imagine waking up with a big zit on your forehead or forgetting how to put sentences together just because a girl looked in your direction. That’s one reason why Idle Hands is more fondly remembered than some of the other teen horror films from that era. It captures a certain teenage awkwardness. We’ve all been there.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.15 “How Do I Love Thee?/No More Alimony/Authoress! Authoress!”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Love Boat takes a dramatic turn.

Episode 7.15 “How Do I Love Thee?/No More Alimony/Authoress! Authoress!”

(Dir by Kim Friedman, originally aired on January 7th, 1984)

As usual, this week’s episode features three stories.  Two of them are very silly.

Betty White and Carol Channing play two Broadway veterans who are hoping to interest publisher Cesar Romero in Betty’s autobiography.  Cesar is more interested in Carol.  Betty and Carol collaborate on a book that is full of sordid lies.  Cesar says he’ll publish it because “the hicks in the South” will love it.  Carol announces that she is a hick from the South and promptly rips the manuscript in half.  Good for her!

Alan Thicke wants his ex-wife, Michelle Phillips, to marry Fred Willard so that he’ll no longer have to pay alimony.  However, when Alan discovers that Fred is a womanizer, Alan reconsiders his plans.

These two stories feel very familiar.  They’re the type of stories that we’ve seen on many episodes of The Love Boat.  They’re saved a bit because of the comedic skills of Fred Willard and Betty White but, in the end, they’re definitely on the silly side of the cruise.

But then you get the third story, which is not silly at all.  Laura (Rue McClanahan) boards the ship with her husband, George (Dick Van Patten).  Laura is an old friend of Captain Stubing’s and he’s alarmed when he sees that Laura has a black eye.  Laura says she simply walked into a door.  George laughs and says that Laura is a klutz.

Actually, Laura is being abused by her husband.  George’s business is failing.  George is jealous of Captain Stubing.  George hits Laura in their cabin and it’s a shocking moment because 1) this is The Love Boat and 2) it actually looks like that Van Patten may have accidentally hit McClanahan for real.  (Van Patten briefly breaks character, looking shocked, before quickly turning back into the angry George.)  Stubing realizes what’s happening and confronts George.  By the end of the episode, George is promising to “get some help” but it’s significant that Laura doesn’t leave the ship with him.  One gets the feeling that she’s heard that promise before.

At first, it seems strange to have such an serious storyline playing out in-between scenes of Carol Channing and Betty White singing and Fred Willard leering at every woman on the boat but it actually works surprisingly well.  The show makes an important point.  Even on a fun cruise, abuse can happen.  Abuse doesn’t take a vacation.  And abusers can be the people you least suspect, like perennial nice guy Dick Van Patten.  I have a lot of respect for this episode for dealing with a serious subject and doing it well.

This was an important cruise.

 

Scenes That I Love: Catherine O’Hara and Fred Willard in Waiting for Guffman


When I heard that the actress Catherine O’Hara had passed away, I immediately thought of Waiting For Guffman.

I know that a lot of people immediately thought of Schitt’s Creek.  And I imagine that a lot of people thought of her as the desperate mother in Home Alone.  And definitely, there are a lot of people on twitter who are posting clips of her work on SCTV right now.  But I’m a theater nerd and, when you’re a theater nerd, Waiting for Guffman pretty much feels likes watching your life on film.

The entire cast of Waiting for Guffman is brilliant.  It’s definitely the most emotionally satisfying of all of Christopher Guest’s mockumentaries.  But I’ll have a special place in my heart for Catherine O’Hara and Fred Willard as the community theater superstars.  Today’s scene that I love features O’Hara and Willard giving the audition of a lifetime in Waiting For Guffman.

October Positivity: Holyman Undercover (dir by David A.R. White)


In 2010’s Holyman Undercover, David A.R. White plays Roy.  Roy is an 18 year-old Amish dude from Kansas.  It’s time for him to experience Rumspringa, a period in which he can live life amongst “the English” and decide whether or not he wants to commit to being Amish.  Roy decides to go Los Angeles so he can track down his uncle and work with him as a missionary.

Roy struggles in Los Angeles.  Giving money to one homeless man leads to him nearly getting mugged.  When he meets his uncle, he discovers that Brian (also played by David A.R. White) is now a struggling actor who has a taste for cocaine.  (Brian claims that he’s a holyman working undercover.)  Accompanying Brian to an audition leads to Roy getting cast as Satan on a primetime soap opera.  His wife is played by vapid supermodel Tiffany Towers (Jennifer Lyons).  Meanwhile, the show’s producer is a former country girl named Annie (Andrea Logan White) and soon, Roy is having fantasies about Annie dressing up like an Amish woman and dancing in a field with him.  However, the head of the network (Fred Willard) wants Roy to date Tiffany because it’ll be good publicity for the show.

Throughout it all, Roy remains innocent and confused about the modern world.  He’s never watched television.  He doesn’t know how to use a phone.  He doesn’t understand what a credit card is.  He’s earnest and honest to a fault and, even after Tiffany makes out with him, he continues to insist that he only has eyes for Annie.

Of course, in reality, I imagine that the typical Amish person knows how to use a phone.  I imagine that they probably also know what a television is and they probably even understand that you’re expected to pay your credit card debt.  The Amish may choose to reject a good deal of the modern world but that doesn’t mean that they don’t know what the modern world is.  But this film isn’t meant to be a realistic portrayal of the Amish or of Hollywood or of really anything.

Indeed, I’m not really sure what to make of this film.  It’s faith-based and it ends with Roy delivering a simple message about loving others but the film’s humor is often rather mean-spirited and there’s several jokes that are more than a little racist and homophobic.  (Japanese tourists take pictures while shouting, “Godzilla!”  When Brian ends up in jail, his cellmate is a hulking black man who says his name is Beef because “it’s what’s for dinner.”)  David A.R. White is not bad as Roy but his performance as Brian is incredibly shrill and there’s really no reason, beyond ego, for director White to have cast himself in both roles.

Probably the best thing that one can say about the film is that the name actors — Fred Willard, Clint Howard, Edie McClurg, and Staci Keanan — all manage to survive with their dignity intact.  Indeed, the highlight of the film is, believe it or not, John Schneider earnestly playing himself as the actor who replaces Roy as Satan and who then promptly launches a presidential campaign.  “The country’s going to Hell anyway!” he says, with just the right amount of self-awareness.

Interestingly enough, the film does end with one particularly prophetic scene, as Roy and Annie leave Hollywood to produce an Amish dating show.  Tiffany moves with them to the farm and a group of Amish men compete for her hand in marriage.  Farmer Wants A Wife, anyone?

I Re-Watched Anchorman (2005, Dir. by Adam McKay)


“Ron Burgundy was the balls.”

You got that right!  That’s one reason why I’ve lost track of the number of times that I’ve watched Anchorman.  Whatever’s going on in the world or my life, I know that Anchorman is going to make me laugh and make me feel better about things.  The adventures of anchorman Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) and his news team (Paul Rudd, David Koechner, Steve Carell) never cease to amuse me, whether they’re capturing the birth of a panda or getting involved in a street fight with their rival newsmen.

“Brick killed a guy.”

He did!  Where did Brick get a trident from?  When the street fight started, he only had a hand grenade.  Ron Burgundy suggests that Brick should find a safehouse and I hope Brick took his advice.  There’s a lot of funny people in Anchorman but Steve Carell, playing the weatherman with an IQ under 80, is my favorite.  Brick saying that he loves the lamp is so touching.

“Fare thee well, Baxter.  You shall always be a friend of the bears.”

The first time I saw Anchorman, I couldn’t believe it when Baxter was drop-kicked off that bridge.  I swore that I would never watch another movie featuring Jack Black!  Baxter was so cute!  When Ron broke down over the loss of his dog, I wanted to break down with him.  Later, when Baxter emerged from the river and barked, “I’m coming, Ron!,” I was so relieved.  Baxter lives!  Baxter’s conversation with the bears warmed my heart.

“Stay classy, San Diego.”

That’s right, San Diego!  Stay classy.  Anchorman is in a class all of its own.  Ron Burgundy makes beautiful music with his jazz flute.  Brian Fantana is a walking advertisement for Sex Panther.  Veronica Corningstone (Christine Applegate) strikes a blow for women’s liberation and teaches Ron an important lesson about teleprompters.  It’s the little moments that make me laugh the most, whether it’s Fred Willard talking to his son’s school about why his son has been expelled or Tim Robbins as the PBS anchor who smokes a pipe and chops off Luke Wilson’s arm or Vince Vaughn shouting about the ratings.  Best of all, Will Ferrell has never been better than as the pompous Ron Burgundy, so stupid but so committed to his job that you can’t help but love him.

“Wow, that really escalated.”

You bet it did, Ron!  Each moment of Anchorman is funnier than the last.  (I wish the same was true of Anchorman 2.)  That’s why Anchorman is a film that I watch and rewatch.  In fact, I think I’ll go watch it right now!

“Thanks for stopping by, San Diego.”

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a baby is abandoned, an aunt visits, and for some reason, Joe Namath is on the boat.

Episode 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on May 9th, 1981)

Ted Harper (Joe Namath) boards the boat with his best friend, Richard Henderson (Fred Willard).  Ted and Richard were fraternity brothers.  While in college, the members of the frat decided that, whenever one of them got married, some money would be contributed to a pot.  The last single member of the frat would end up getting all of the cash, which is now up to $60,000.  Ted and Richard are the last two single members of the frat and they’re competing to see who can hold out the longest.

(Can we just agree that guys are weird?)

Ted has a plan to get the money. He’s gotten his ex-girlfriend, Paula (Karen Grassle), to agree to trick Richard into falling in love with and marrying her, in exchange for some of the money.  However, Richard is smarter than Ted realizes and instead offers Paula even more of the money to get Ted to marry her.  However, Karen falls for Ted for real.  Karen and Ted do get married when the ship docks in Mexico.  When Richard announces that he paid Karen to marry Ted, Ted is hurt at first but then he realizes that he was willing to do the same thing to Richard and nothing matters more than love.  Awwww!

Now, it may seem strange to cast Joe Namath and Fred Willard as friends.  To me, it’s even stranger that this was not the first time that Joe Namath, who was not much of actor, appeared on The Love Boat.  Just as he did the last time he was on the boat (and also just as he did when he last visited Fantasy Island), Namath wanders through the story with a goofy grin on his face.

Speaking of goofy, Gopher is super-excited when his wealthy aunt Loretta (Jane Powell) boards the boat.  Loretta, however, is scared to tell Gopher that she has lost all of her money and is now working as a maid.  Loretta need not have worried.  I mean, it’s not as if Gopher has a particularly glamorous job.  Plus, Loretta’s not going to be poor for long, not after she meets and falls in love with wealthy Duncan Harlow (Howard Keel).

Finally, Eddie Martin (Gary Burghoff) is a mechanic on the Love Boat who decides to abandon his baby with the captain.  The captain, who apparently doesn’t know much about the people who work for him, has no idea who the baby’s father is.  But when the baby is taken ill and needs a transfusion of super-rare AB blood, Eddie is forced to stand up and accept the responsibility of being a father.  Good for him, I guess.  Personally, I like fathers who don’t abandon their babies in the first place.

This was a fairly bland episode.  The fourth season is nearly over and, with this cruise, everyone seemed to mostly be going through the motions.  This episode seemed like a collection of stories that the show had already handled (and handled better) in the past.

Next week …. season 4 comes to an end!

Great Moments In Television History #34: The Hosts of Real People Say “Get High On Yourself!”


In the fall of 1981, producer Robert Evans and NBC collaborated on Get High On Yourself week.  For one week, the network featured its stars encouraging viewers to “Get High On Yourself!:”  It all led up to a Get High On Yourself special, which Evans supervised as a part of the community service to which he was sentenced after he was caught getting high on cocaine.

In this clip, the hosts of an early reality show called Real People encourage viewers to “get high on yourself.”  Of the hosts, Fred Willard was probably the only one who wasn’t high when this was filmed.  Seen today, it’s impossible to watch this without feeling like Willard is doing a bit in an unreleased Christopher Guest movie.

Previous Moments In Television History:

  1. Planet of the Apes The TV Series
  2. Lonely Water
  3. Ghostwatch Traumatizes The UK
  4. Frasier Meets The Candidate
  5. The Autons Terrify The UK
  6. Freedom’s Last Stand
  7. Bing Crosby and David Bowie Share A Duet
  8. Apaches Traumatizes the UK
  9. Doctor Who Begins Its 100th Serial
  10. First Night 2013 With Jamie Kennedy
  11. Elvis Sings With Sinatra
  12. NBC Airs Their First Football Game
  13. The A-Team Premieres
  14. The Birth of Dr. Johnny Fever
  15. The Second NFL Pro Bowl Is Broadcast
  16. Maude Flanders Gets Hit By A T-Shirt Cannon
  17. Charles Rocket Nearly Ends SNL
  18. Frank Sinatra Wins An Oscar
  19. CHiPs Skates With The Stars
  20. Eisenhower In Color
  21. The Origin of Spider-Man
  22. Steve Martin’s Saturday Night Live Holiday Wish List
  23. Barnabas Collins Is Freed From His Coffin
  24. Siskel and Ebert Recommend Horror Films
  25. Vincent Price Meets The Muppets
  26. Siskel and Ebert Discuss Horror
  27. The Final Scene of Dark Shadows
  28. The WKRP Turkey Drop
  29. Barney Pops On National TV
  30. The Greatest American Hero Premieres
  31. Rodney Dangerfield On The Tonight Show
  32. The Doors Are Open
  33. The Thighmaster Commercial Premieres

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 2.11 “A Nobel Profession” and 2.12 “Party of Three”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

What’s happening with the neat guys?  Let’s find out.

Episode 2.11 “A Nobel Profession”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 21st, 1998)

Welcome to Manny High!  Check out how convoluted this mess is.

Homecoming is approaching and Ms. Nobel tells her students that she will not be happy if she catches any of them playing a prank against Manny’s rival, George Washington High.  Chris and Jamal decide that this means that they can pull a prank as long as Ms. Nobel doesn’t notice.  So, somehow, they steal a gigantic, heavy, stone statue of George Washington from Washington High and they bring it to Manny High.  Now, setting aside the issue of how they managed to steal the statue, why would they bring it back to Manny High?  I mean, the whole idea is to keep Ms. Nobel from finding out about the prank.

Anyway, Ms. Nobel sees the statue and cancels the Homecoming dance and announces that no Manny High students, outside of the football team, will be allowed to attend the Homecoming game.  On their radio show, Chris and Jamal announce that everyone is going to skip class and go up to the roof and play football.  (How do they still have this show?  Are school-sponsored radio shows allowed to promote skipping class?)  Nobel is so upset to see everyone on the roof that she quits.  As she explains it, she has never — in her 15 years of being the sole authority figure at a tough inner city school — been treated disrespectfully before.

Meanwhile, because this is a Thanksgiving episode, Cassidy and Dawn build a big paper-mache turkey for homecoming.  But then L-Train and Al accidentally break off the turkey’s head.  Rather than admit that it was their fault, they allow Cassidy and Dawn to fight over who was responsible.  This is the sort of thing that Ms. Nobel would usually handle but Ms. Nobel is gone now and the new principal, Mr. Brown, doesn’t care.

Mr. Brown, by the way, is played by …. FRED WILLARD!

Yes, that Fred Willard.  I guess Christopher Guest wasn’t making a movie at the time so Fred was free to hop over to the City Guys set and play Mr. Brown.  Mr. Brown is supposed to be a clueless and insensitive buffoon who doesn’t really care about the students but he’s played by Fred Willard so it’s impossible to dislike him.  When Ms. Nobel eventually changes her mind and tells Mr. Brown to get off her campus, the audience applauds but the viewers are like, “No!  We like Fred Willard!”

That said, I do have to wonder how Ms. Nobel could quit her job and then just change her mind a few days later without it being a big deal.  She just walks into the school, announces that she’s back, and she tells Mr. Brown to leave.  Does the School Board have any say in this?

On the one hand, this was a dumb episode.

On the other hand …. Fred Willard!

Episode 2.12 “Party of Three”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

Despite using the broadcast to promote civil unrest, Chris and Jamal still have their radio show.  When they get a call from a girl who asks whether or not she should dump her boyfriend, Jamal says sure.  Uh-oh, the boyfriend was Al!  And now, his ex-girlfriend wants to date Jamal!  “You broke the code!” Ms. Nobel announces, showing that even she understands dude clichés.

Meanwhile, Dawn wants to throw a comet watching party on the school’s roof.  L-Train ruins it by trying to get the attention of the aliens but accidentally getting the attention of the police instead.

This was a dumb episode but I did find it funny that Al, who usually portrayed as being a goofy sidekick, was apparently planning on killing his ex’s new boyfriend at one point and he even had a group of informants who were willing to help him out with his plans.  This show could never quite decide just how dangerous Manny High was actually supposed to be.

Insomnia File #51: Ira & Abby (dir by Robert Clary)


What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or Netflix? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

Oh Lord.

So, if you were having trouble getting too sleep last night, you could have turned over to one of the many Showtime channels you could have watched the 2006 film, Ira & Abby.

I doubt it would have helped though.  Ira & Abby is one of those extremely cutesy little love stories where a neurotic guy meets a quirky woman and they spend the entire film having so many easily solved relationship problems that it’ll drive your anxiety through the roof just watching them.

Ira (Chris Messina) is the son of two psychologists (Judith Light and Robert Klein).  Ira is planning on becoming a psychologist himself and, of course, he’s in therapy.  At the start of the film, his therapist tells him that he’s beyond help and that he needs to do something spontaneous for once.  Ira takes this to mean that he should go the gym.

At the gym, Ira meets Abby (Jennifer Westfeldt), who is quirky and universally beloved by everyone who meets her.  (Westfeldt also wrote the script, which …. might explain a little.)  Abby has a positive attitude and lives with her musician parents (Fred Willard and Frances Conroy).  After Ira sees Abby somehow talk a mugger out of robbing everyone on a subway car, he decides that they have to get married.  Free-spirited Abby agrees.

Marriage follows!  Complications follow!  Annulment and remarriage and more follows!  Everyone ends up seeing a different therapist while, at the same time, Ira’s mom has an affair with Abby’s dad.  And yes, it eventually does end with every character in the film gathering in one room and taking part in a giant therapy session.  It’s exhausting to watch, largely because it just seems like all of the problems could be solved by people not being stupid or foolishly impulsive.  Ira is neurotic to the point of no longer being sympathetic.  Abby is so perfect and wonderful that you soon get sick of her and her positive attitude.  Even Ted Lasso would tell her to turn it down a notch.

The most frustrating thing about the movie is that it features good actors like Chis Messina but it goes out of its way to sabotage them every chance that it gets.  Out of the large and impressive cast, only Fred Willard and Judith Light manage to transcend the script.  I would have loved to have watched a movie just about their characters.

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid
  46. Enter the Ninja
  47. Downhill
  48. Malice
  49. Mystery Date
  50. Zola