Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.7 “And One to Grow On/Seems Like Old Times/I’ll Never Forget What’s Her Name”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s love!  Welcome aboard, it’s love!

Episode 8.7 “And One to Grow On/Seems Like Old Times/I’ll Never Forget What’s Her Name”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on October 27th, 1984)

Ruth Justin (Morgan Brittany) boards the ship with her ex-fiancée, Arthur (Richard Kline).  Arthur has been suffering from amnesia ever since Ruth ended their engagement and Ruth hopes that she can help cure his condition by taking a cruise with him.  But what if Arthur is just faking his condition because he wants to get back together with Ruth?

Private detective Johnny Bonilla (Alex Rocco) boards the ship with his client, Deborah Marshall (Joan Van Ark).  Deborah hired Johnny to help her tack down Larry Peters (Robert Reed), a man who she once had a crush on.  But what if Larry is just an overage playboy and Johnny is the one who truly loves Deborah?

Those two stories, while handled competently, were pretty much just standard Love Boat plotlines.  The story that one truly remembers from this episode belongs to Vicki and Captain Stubing.  Vicki is finally turning 18 and the Captain throws her a big surprise party on the boat.  Vicki is happy and the Captain is proud …. or, at least, he is until he catches Vicki with a bottle of champagne.  The Captain ends up yelling at Vicki.  Vicki runs off, with tears in her eyes.  Doc Bricker suggests that it’s time that the Captain tell Vicki the truth about his alcoholism.

Captain Stubing is scared to do so.   He fears that, if he tells Vicki that he was an angry drunk who once nearly hit a kid while driving while intoxicated, she’ll lose all respect for him.  But, in a wonderfully-acted scene, Stubing does tell her.  And, once the shock wears off, Vicki comes to see her father as being more of a hero than ever.  She now understands why the Captain doesn’t drink and, importantly, the Captain himself understands why he overreacted to seeing Vicki tipsy.

In the past, I’ve always wondered about whether or not Vicki had a life outside of the ship and, to be honest, I still wonder that.  Even when she celebrates her 18th birthday, there’s no one her own age around.  Instead, she celebrates with the much older crew and a bunch of elderly passengers.  That doesn’t seem quite fair to Vicki.  Because The Love Boat is …. well, the Love Boat, it’s easy to ignore the fact that Vicki pretty much gave up her childhood to work on a cruise ship.

That said, Captain Stubing and Vicki’s father-daughter relationship has always, somewhat surprisingly, been one of the strongest elements of The Love Boat and that’s almost entirely due to the performances of Gavin MacLeod and Jill Whelan.  One sees that in this episode.  Gavin MacLeod was a recovering alcoholic in real life and his performance the scene in which he talks to Vicki about his struggles has an authenticity to it that keeps it from getting mawkish or preachy.

(I cried as I watched.  I’m missing my dad today.)

This was a good cruise, even if Ace was strangely not on the boat this week.  Where were you Ace?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.15 “Stargazer”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Pacific Blue is all about the guest stars,

Episode 4.15 “Stargazer”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on January 24th, 1999)

When he was younger, Johnny Osiris (Danny Bonaduce) was a teen idol and the star of Stargazer,  a show about a singing family that lived in outer space.  As an adult, Johnny is a drug addict and an alcoholic who can’t pay his rent and who eventually turns to robbing stores and pharmacies.  It’s difficult to be a criminal when everyone immediately recognizes you.  However, when both he and Steve Gugliermo (Noah Blake) try to rob the same pharmacy at the same time, they decide to team up.  Of course, Steve is hardened master criminal while Johnny is still an amateur.

This was a bit of a melancholy episode.  Chris and Cory can’t say Johnny’s name without screaming but they’re still trying to put him in jail.  The younger cops don’t have the slightest idea who Johnny was.  As for Johnny, his criminal career makes him a celebrity again but the episode still ends with him heading off for prison.  Along with Bonaduce, the episode features Susan Olsen as Johnny’s sister, Erik Estrada as Johnny’s lawyer, and Adam West as Johnny’s father.  The entire thing is full of actors who probably never thought they would someday be appearing on a show about cops who rode bikes.  The whole thing feels sad.

This episode also firmly establishes that Cory and Bobby are now a couple and that everyone pretty much knows about it.  Hey, Victor’s dead so I guess Cory might as well move on.  Still, some of the scenes of Bobby and Cory making out generated some heat.  They’re a good couple so hopefully, the show won’t screw things up.

This episode also featured a discussion of sex-ceptions, i.e. celebrities that you’re allowed to fool around with even if you’re already in a relationship.  For Chris, her sex-ception was Johnny Osiris, though it never actually came down to that.  For Cory, it was Mel Gibson.  Granger selected Winona Ryder, Bobby went with Salma Hayek, and Jamie said Denzel Washington.  Myself, I have to wonder why they assumed Salma Hayek or Denzel Washington would have anything to do with a Santa Monica bicycle cop.

Anyway, this is kind of a depressing episode.  Johnny was a star but then his entire life fell apart when he wasn’t.  He made a few bad decisions and he never recovered.  He should have auditioned for Baywatch.  Live and learn.

 

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.14 “Farewell Dance”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

Yay!  It’s the final country club episode!

Episode 2.14 “Farewell Dance”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

The summer is coming to an end and so is the gang’s indentured servitude at the Palisades Country Club.  The farewell dance approaches and with it comes the hope of romance and the pain of the heartbreak.

For instance, Bobby pretends to be rich so that snobby club member Michele (Ebonie Smith) will go to the dance with him.  Michele loves it when Bobby talks about how his father is a millionaire who owns a private jet and hangs out with the Queen of England.  But when Lindsay points out that Michele isn’t falling for the real Bobby, Bobby decides to tell Michele the truth.  Michele dumps Bobby and apparently, we’re meant to see Bobby as the victim here.  Bobby shouts that he wouldn’t ever go on a date with a girl who refuses to date poor people.  Uhmm, Bobby, have you considered that maybe she just refuses to date liars?  Anyway, as often happened on any episode where Bobby or Megan even thought about dating anyone who wasn’t listed in the opening credits, Bobby and Megan ended up going to the dance together.

Meanwhile, Screech is upset because Allison is going to be moving to New York to attend Julliard.  Screech announces that he’s going to go to New York with her, even though that means he won’t get his degree.  (Can’t Screech just transfer to a school in New Yor?)  Allison decides that she can’t go to Julliard because it would mean Screech giving up his dreams.  (“You have a future with Mr. Belding and Bayside,” Allison tells him.  Uhmm ….. what?)  Screech realizes that Allison has to pursue her dreams so he tells her to go to New York without him.  Allison plays Screech a really bland piano piece that she wrote for him and then they share a final dance.

The main problem with this episode …. oh Hell, you know what the main problem was.  The main problem’s initials are D and D.  Dustin Diamond gives such a cartoonish performance that it’s hard to believe that Allison would have ever fallen for him in the first place.  There are no emotional stakes when it comes to any story involving Screech because there’s nothing real about Screech.  As a character, he’s the equivalent of Bobby’s father’s private jet.

All that said, at least the county club episodes are over with!  Yay!  Always be thankful for the little things.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.4 “Rock Devil Rock”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch learns about shock rock!

Episode 6.4 “Rock Devil Rock”

(Dir by John Astin, originally aired on October 31st, 1982)

It’s a Halloween episode of CHiPs!

Moloch (Don Most) is a singer who wears frightful makeup and sings songs like “Devil Take Me” but, once he takes off the makeup, he’s a rather meek and mild-mannered drummer who feels that he’s been forced to embrace an image that doesn’t fit him.  His manager (Peter Marshall) is convinced that Moloch can be the biggest star ever.  His manager is also trying to kill Moloch in order to guarantee that Moloch’s new record will hit the top of the charts.  He’s even included backwards messages in Moloch’s music.  Moloch will die …. Moloch will die….

Most of the Highway Patrol believes that Moloch is faking the numerous attempts on his life.  However, Ponch believes that Moloch is being targeted.  Luckily, Ponch is able to save Moloch because this is….

The Highway Patrol also holds their annual Halloween party.  Elvira, Mistress of the Dark shows up as herself and shares a dance with Ponch.  Ponch dresses up like a matador.  Bobby shows up as a Musketeer.  Getraer dresses up like General Patton but he doesn’t get to dance with Elvira.  That’s Ponch’s job.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.15 “Torello on Trial”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Luca prepares for Vegas.

Episode 1.15 “Torello On Trial”

(Dir by Gary Sinise, originally aired on January 16th, 1987)

Buh-bye, Chicago!

Seriously, this is a huge episode.

It doesn’t start out as a huge episode.  It starts out as just another courtroom drama.  Mike Torello has been called by Ray Luca’s defense attorney to testify about the accusations that Frank Homan made against him.  By defending himself against Homan’s false claim that Torello was on the take, Torello will also be destroying the credibility of the state’s case against Luca, Phil Bartoli, and Paulie.  Torello’s not happy about it.  He’s even less happy when U.S. Attorney Brietel’s aggressive cross-examination reveals that Torello actually does have several acquaintances who are connected to the mob.  Of course, most of those acquaintances have been killed over the past few episodes.  As Brietel puts it, violence tends to follow Torello around.

Fortunately, the next day, David Abrams requests to be allowed to cross-examine Torello.  David reveals that Torello was a decorated soldier in Korea.  He reveals the Torello has been given regular commendations by the Chicago Police Department.  David makes Torello look like a saint.

As a result, the jury decides that Homan is not a credible witness.  Luca, Paulie, and Bartoli are all acquitted.  Brietel is told that the Justice Department has decided to drop the indictment against Torello.  Torello tells Brietel that the blood of anyone killed by Luca will be on his hands.  Brietel is not having a good day.

The first 35 minutes or so of this episode were solid but still felt like a standard and slightly predictable episode of Crime Story.  It wasn’t until the last 10 minutes or so that this episode really took off.

At a conference held immediately after Luca and company are acquitted, Manny Weisbrod convinces Chicago gangster Dom Tranchita (Joseph Ragno) to agree to invest ten million dollars in Luca’s plan to take over Las Vegas.  In return for the money, Manny agrees to allow Dom to continue to deal drugs in Chicago.  Luca and Paulie make plans to immediately head to Las Vegas to start their new lives.

The night, before leaving town, Luca drops in on Tranchita and shoots him dead.  Then, Luca goes over to Bartoli’s house and kills him as well.  We’re reminded that Luca is someone who can kill without hesitation.  It doesn’t matter that he and Bartoli worked together.  Luca is cleaning up all of the loose ends before he leaves Chicago.

Meanwhile, Torello is invited to a meeting in a hotel.  U.S. Deputy Attorney General Patrick Hallahan (Jann Wenner) tells him that the Justice Department is setting up a national task force to take down Luca and that it’s going to be headquartered in Chicago and Las Vegas.  He asks Torello to be in charge of it.  Torello says that he has no interest in working with the same Justice Department that tried to throw him in prison.  Hallahan reveals that Brietel has been “reassigned to Anchorage” and that David Abrams will be working with Torello.  The members of the Major Crimes Unit will be reassigned to the strike force.

There’s only one condition.  As much as Torello wants to take Luca down, he’s going to have to wait until he has enough evidence to take down the entire organization with him.

Torello nods.  He’s going to Vegas!

It makes sense really.  Torello has nothing left in Chicago.  He’s divorced, he has no real friends outside of the other members of the Major Crimes Unit.  Torello’s only purpose in life is to stop Ray Luca.  What choice does Torello have but to follow him to Vegas?  Torello is obsessed and, if he had to stay in Chicago while Luca went to Vegas, he would have been miserable.  It’s good for the government and good for the show that Torello agreed to take charge of the task force.  But, as the episode ends, it’s hard not to feel that it won’t be good for Torello’s mental health.

This turned out to be a great episode,  To be honest, I was starting to get a little bit bored with Crime Story.  But now, with the story heading in a new direction, I can’t wait to see what happens!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.21 “Partners And Other Strangers”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, we discover that Daniel Baldwin will not be returning to Homicide.

Episode 5.21 “Partners and Other Strangers”

(Dir by Leslie Libman and Larry Williams, originally aired on May 9th, 1997)

A call to investigate what appears to be a suicide leads Pembleton and Brodie to an isolated house in Baltimore.  The dead man has been found with a shotgun in his hands and his face blown apart.  It’s not until Pembleton looks at the dead man’s ID that he discovers that the man is former Detective Beau Felton.

Played by Daniel Baldwin, Felton was originally a major character on Homicide.  He was the cynical, sweaty detective who had an affair with Megan Russert, a partnership with Kay Howard, and a marriage with a crazy woman who wouldn’t let him see his kids.  Felton is the one who Robin Williams yelled at for being an insensitive ass in the Bop Gun episode.  As the series progressed and the focus shifted from characters like Felton and Bolander to Pembleton and Bayliss, Felton was given less and less too.  Daniel Baldwin was fired from the series at the end of season 3.  Felton was said to have been suspended for his rowdy behavior at a convention.

The episode fills us in on what happened to Felton after his suspension.  He apparently retired from the force and then stopped returning phone calls.  He disappeared and everyone else moved on.  At first, the squad room wonders if they could have done anything to prevent Felton’s suicide.  Howard and Lewis (who lost his previous partner to suicide and who nearly lost Kellerman to the same thing) are especially hit hard.  We get several flashbacks to the episodes that featured Felton and we’re reminded of just how much Daniel Baldwin used to sweat when he was on the show.

Dr. Cox takes a look at the skull fragments and the blood splatter and she realizes that Felton didn’t kill himself.  He was shot in the back of the head and then someone tried to make it look like he committed suicide.  Pembleton, Howard, and Bayliss are now investigating the murder of Beau Felton and they’re getting some help.

Megan Russert flies in from France to offer up her skills as an investigator.  If I remember correctly, Russert was never that good of a detective but it’s nice that she showed up.

Detective Paul Falsone (Jon Seda), from the auto theft squad, says that Felton was working with a notorious group of car thieves.  Falsone wants to help the investigation for …. reasons, I guess.

Finally, Detective Stuart Gharty (Peter Gerety) shows up.  When we last saw Gharty, he was a decorated cop who was too scared to enter an apartment building to help out one of his fellow officers.  Now, Gharty is working for Internal Affairs.  He reveals to Giardello that Felton was working undercover and he was helping to uncover a crooked cop in the department.  Colonel Barnfather announces that Gharty is going to work with Homicide on the Felton case.

Even if I didn’t already know that Falsone and Gharty are going to become regular characters during season six, it would be obvious from the introductions they’re given in this episode.  Peter Gerety, who later played a sympathetic judge on The Wire, is fine in the role of Gharty.  But I can already tell that Falsone is going to annoy me.  Some of it is because his character is the type of cliche that Homicide has, to this point, avoided.  He’s a young rebel who gets results …. HIS WAY!  From the minute he shows up, he’s telling Howard and Pembleton how they should conduct their investigation and it’s kind of annoying.  I mean, who the Hell is this jerk?  As played by Jon Seda, Falsone mumbles the majority of his dialogue and he just doesn’t seem like he belongs on Homicide.

This is a two-parter so we’ll see how the investigation wraps up (or doesn’t) next week.  Oddly, I have to admit that Felton’s death didn’t really have the type of emotional impact that the show seemed to think that it would.  Unlike the lovably eccentric Crosetti, Felton was never really that interesting of a character.  Far more impactful than the squadroom thinking about all of the times Felton acted like a jerk was the scene where Pembleton followed Bayliss to his uncle’s home.  Later, Pembleton told Bayliss that he now understood why Bayliss has been missing work.  In the past, this would have led to a fight between the two of them but both Bayliss and Pembleton have grown over the season.  Pembleton apologizes for following Bayliss.  (“I’m a detective.  It’s what I do.”)  Bayliss opens up about how he’s struggling with the concept of forgiveness.  As always, the show’s heart is with Bayliss and Pembleton.

Next week, season 5 comes to an end!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.1 “The Fabolous Belding Boys”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Rod Belding comes to Bayside.

Episode 3.1 “The Fabolous Belding Boys”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 9th, 1990)

“You’re jealous of your own brother!” Zack snaps at Mr. Belding in this episode and you really do have to wonder how Zack was always able to get away with using that tone of voice with his principal.  Most students would end up getting expelled if they talked to any adult that way.

Mr. Belding really goes through the ringer this episode.  After the authoritarian history teacher has a nervous breakdown, Belding reluctantly allows his younger brother, long-haired Rod (Edward Blatchford), to teach the class.  Soon, Rod is throwing away the midterm exam and allowing the students to pick their own grades.  (Screech gives himself a B-.)  Rod also convinces the students — well, a small handful of them — that the next class trip should involve white water rafting instead of going to Yosemite like his brother suggested.

That Rod is one cool guy until he decides, at literally the last minute, to blow off the rafting trip so he can hang out with a stewardess.  “Cover f0r me!” Rod tells Mr. Belding.  “Get out of my school, Rod,” Belding says, not knowing that Zack has overheard the entire converastation.

Mr. Belding does cover for his brother by claiming that Rod has the flu but he also volunteers to take his brother’s place on the rafting trip.  Now, it’s already been established that Mr. Belding has no experience with white water rafting and apparently, he can’t even swim.  So, there’s a  good chance that the senior class is going to lose a few members over the weekend.  But for now, all that matters is that the school trip is back on.

Zack apologizes to Mr. Belding.

“Rod is the more exciting Belding,” Mr. Belding admits.

“We got the better Belding,” Zack replies.

Awwwww!

This is definitely one of the best episodes of Saved By The Bell.  For once, Belding gets to be something other than a fool and Zack is forced to admit that he was wrong wrong.  Dennis Haskins shines in this episode and, for that matter, so does Edward Blatchford as Rod.

As I watched this episode, I was reminded of that episode of Good Morning Miss Bliss in which Bliss’s mentor was hired as a substitute and did a lot of the same crap that Rod did.  On Good Morning Miss Bliss, the substitute was portrayed as being a hero.  On Saved By The Bell, he’s a self-absorbed creep.  The Saved By The Bell version is the better version.

It’s the better Belding.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.15 “Big Monday”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Mitch and Hobie are scared!

Episode 2.15 “Big Monday”

(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan, originally aired on February 10th, 1992)

Hobie has a problem.  A huge tropical wave is scheduled to hit the beach on Monday and all of his friends are looking forward to surfing it.  His friends all say that Hobie is “chicken” because he won’t take the big waves.  Hobie goes to Shauni for advice.  Shauni offers to help him learn how to be a better surfer.  Hobie wonders why he can’t be more like his dad.  Mitch isn’t scared of anything.

Actually, Mitch is terrified of that big wave.  Every time that someone mentions it, Mitch flashes back to watching a friend get washed away by a giant wave in 1961.  With a new wave approaching, Mitch is scared that the same thing will happen again.  Luckily, a visiting Hawaiian surfer just happens to be around to give Mitch an enchanted necklace.

Kaye, Mitch’s little-seen girlfriend, befriends a deaf girl on the beach.  She tries to convince the girl’s mother to allow her to enroll Kaye in a sign language class.  The girl’s mother is scared that her daughter will always be an outsider unless she learns how to read lips.  (One of the teachers at the school is played by future Oscar nominee Paul Raci.)

Will Hobie prove that he can handle the waves?

Will Mitch overcome his guilt over his friend’s death?

Will Kaye convince the mother to enroll her daughter in sign language class?

Yes, yes, and yes.  This is Baywatch.  Other than that lifeguard getting killed by a shark, there are no unhappy endings.

As for this episode, I’ll give it some credit for having one unifying theme.  All of the stories are connected by the theme of conquering your fears.  Actually having a narrative theme is definitely a step forward for this show.  That said, it’s still Baywatch.  Everything happens a bit too easily in this episode.  Yes, this episode says, fear is real.  But, if you stick around for 40 minute, your fears will magically disappear in time for the end credits to roll.

This was a silly episode but at least its heart was in the right place.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Sledge Hammer! 1.1 “Under the Gun”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing SLEDGE HAMMER!, a cop comedy which ran on ABC from 1986 to 1988. The entire series can be found on Prime!

My friend Pat McCurry introduced me to Sledge Hammer earlier this year.  Starring David Rasche as Detective Sledge Hammer, this show was a parody of Dirty Harry and Hunter.  Since I’m currently reviewing Hunter on Thursday night, it seems only appropriate to review Sledge Hammer on Friday night!

Episode 1.1 “Under the Gun

(Dir by Martha Coolidge, originally aired on September 23rd, 1986)

“HAMMER!” shouts police Captain Trunk (Harrison Page), “YOU COULDN’T RESIST BLOWING UP A BUILDING ON YOUR WAY TO WORK THIS MORNING, COULD YOU!?”

Captain Trunk yells a lot but that’s just because he’s been put in charge of managing Detective Sledge Hammer (David Rasche), a San Francisco cop who talks to his gun and who is currently on suspension for shooting a robber at a grocery store before then buying some eggs and “those little cocktail weenies.”  When asked by a reporter if his response was too violent, Hammer replied that he really needed his groceries.

For the record, Trunk is correct.  Hammer did blow up a building on his way to work.  There was a sniper on the roof so Hammer pulled a rocket launcher out of the back of his car and took care of the problem.

Despite all of that, the mayor (John Vernon, who previously played San Francisco’s mayor in Dirty Harry) orders that Sledge Hammer be taken off suspension.  The Mayor’s daughter, Francie (Judie Aronson), has disappeared.  (“She was either kidnapped or she is just very good at hiding.”)  The police think that she was taken by the Allied Violent Offence Network (AVON), a terrorist group led by Weird Willy Luxley (D.W. Brown).  Weird Willy is so evil that his own parents gave him up for adoption three years before he was born.  The Mayor thinks that Sledge Hammer’s unapologetic embrace of violence is the way to go.

Hammer is assigned a partner, Dori Doreau (Anne-Marie Martin), an expert in negotiation and criminal psychology.  At first, Hammer is uneasy about working with a woman.  But, when he sees her beat up a man with a shotgun, he’s impressed.  “That was excessively violent and totally unnecessary.  I loved it.”  Doreau mentions she was at the top of her class in hand-to-hand combat.  “I’d like to fight you sometimes, Doreau,” Hammer replies.

Hammer promises to bring back “the mayor’s daughter, dead or alive.”  Reasoning that it’s usually a member of the family who is to blame in cases like this, Hammer arrests and interrogates the Mayor’s wife.  That gets Hammer suspended again but it turns out that Hammer was half-right.  It wasn’t the Mayor’s wife.  Instead, in true Patty Hearst manner, it turns out that Francie Flambo is a member of AVON and she arranged her own kidnapping!

It all leads to a shootout in a warehouse, as these things often do.  When AVON makes their ransom demand, Doreau is sent to deliver the money.  (She’s actually given a suitcase full of shredded paper.)  Sledge Hammer crashes through a skylight and lands on a box, grinning.

“Why are you smiling!?”  Weird Willie Luxley demands.

“I’m trigger happy, that’s why!” Hammer replies.

Soon, all of the members of AVON have been subdued and Francie has been arrested.  The Mayor offers Doreau a promotion but Doreau refuses to accept it because she feels that Hammer is not being given the recognition that he deserves.

This seems like the start of a beautiful friendship.

The first episode of Sledge Hammer may be 40 years old but it’s still feels relevant and the laughs still feel earned.  As played by David Rasche, Sledge Hammer is the perfect parody of every unapologetically violent action hero.  Though there are hints of attraction between him and Doreau, the episode makes it pretty clear that Hammer’s true love is for his gun.  At the same time, there’s something rather refreshing about Hammer’s total and complete lack of angst.  As I watched this episode, it occurred to me that Hammer would probably get as annoyed with Daniel Craig’s self-pitying version of James Bond as I do.

This pilot was enjoyable and funny 26 minutes of pure entertainment.  I look forward to reviewing the rest of the series!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.6 “Lost and Found In Space”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

This week, it’s not just the patients who need to be stitched up.

Episode 4.6 “Lost and Found In Space”

(Dir by Robert Becker, originally aired on November 13th, 1985)

Bobby Caldwell lives!

Things were looking pretty bad for Bobby last week.  As you may remember, he picked up a waitress, took her to his Cape Cod home, and then ended up getting slashed across the face when she pulled a razor blade out from under her tongue.  This week, Bobby is wandering around the hospital with a huge bandage on his face and telling everyone that he had an “accident.”  It’s only to Dr. Turner that he confesses that he was attacked by the waitress.  Bobby claims that he responded by punching her and that he then called the police.

Bobby spends this episode in a truly foul mood.  Not only does he have a bandage on his face but he’s also been told that the Hospital Review Board doesn’t feel that he’s performing enough surgeries for the residents to really get the training that they need.  (“We’re a teaching hospital,” Dr. Craig explains.)  Bobby pressures an old man into getting a face lift that he really doesn’t need.  Even Victor thinks that the surgery is unethical.  I mean, when you’ve lost Victor Ehrlich….

Meanwhile, Dr. Westphall is finally released from the hospital after fainting due to the Malaria that he brought back from working abroad.  Westphall is depressed about the whole thing.  Westphall is always depressed.  Even when his daughter comes home to help out, Westphall is depressed to see her.  Cheer up, Westphall!

After weeks of trying to lose weight, Elliot discovers that he’s actually gained three pounds.  What’s worse is that his girlfriend, Marcy (Jeannie Elias), lost weight at the same time that Elliot was gaining weight and, when she sees that he’s just as heavy as ever, she dumps him.

Amongst the patients, Pru Dowler (Amanda Wyss) and Buddy Askew (Mark Baker) are two developmentally challenged teenagers who end up “procreating” (as Luther puts it) in Pru’s hospital room.  Dr. Craig takes it upon himself to discuss what happened when Pru and it’s just as awkward as you might expect.

Col. Chuck Cochrane (David Ackroyd) is an astronaut who collapses while giving a speech.  In the hospital, he has nightmares about being trapped in space.  The whole storyline brought to mind The Ninth Configuration, a film that perhaps not coincidentally starred the future Donald Westphall himself, Ed Flanders.

The highlight of this episode was undoubtedly William Daniels’s performance as Dr. Craig.  With Dr. Westphall recovering his illness, the day-to-day tasks of running the hospital fell on Dr. Craig and he was not at all happy about it.  On this show, William Daniels is always at his best when Dr. Craig is in a bad mood.  Before going on rounds, Dr. Craig predicted that Dr. Morrison would show up late and have some overly complicated excuse.  Morrison did just that and it was hard not to smile at Craig’s exasperation.  At the same time, it is made clear that the main reason that Craig is upset is because his granddaughter has been taken away from him.  It was hard not to feel bad for him, even when he was biting everyone’s heads off.

This was not a happy episode.  No one in the hospital seems to be doing well.  Bobby is bitter.  Dr. Craig is angry.  Elliott is feeling defeated.  And Westphall …. well, he’s just Westphall.  Fortunately, the strong cast and the smart writing made up for the fact that St. Eligius isn’t a happy place right now.

Seriously, I could watch William Daniels yell at people all day.