Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.
This week, a floating drug lab means trouble!
Episode 2.15 “Sea of Flames”
(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan and Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on February 17th, 1992)
Hobie has a nightmare in which he sees Mitch floating in the ocean and looking confused as a speedboat roars up behind him. “BEHIND YOU, DAD!” Hobie yells right before waking up.
Mitch says that the bad dream is no big deal, but Hobie is convinced that he’s seen the future. Mitch laughs off Hobie’s concerns. Mitch is more worried about convincing the city council to approve a funding increase so the lifeguards can buy some supercool wave runners.
Mitch should be worried about Eddie, who is such a terrible lifeguard that he doesn’t even notice that Scorch (Devino Tricoche) is wandering around the beach and setting fires. Scorch is a street performer who eats fire as part of his act. But after he gets a batch of bad designer drugs, he sets Eddie’s lifeguard tower on fire. Even though Eddie is sitting in the tower at the time, he doesn’t notice the flames until it’s nearly too late. After jumping off the tower in slow motion, Eddie drags Scorch to safety. “Sumo! Sumo! Sumo!” Scorch says.
Hey, there’s a boat called Sumo that’s docked in the harbor. Could it be a floating drug lab? Of course it is! When the drug dealers decide to sail away, Mitch gets a chance to show off on a wave runner! But when Mitch falls off the wave runner, he finds himself stranded in the ocean. Uh-oh, there’s a speedboat coming up behind him!
Hobie’s ghostly voice rings out: “BEHIND YOU, DAD!”
Mitch ducks out of the way just in time. OH MY GOD, HOBIE IS MAGIC!
While Mitch is busy capturing the drug dealers, Ben is once again depressed over getting old. When he investigates a house that has supposedly been empty for decades, he meets the actress (Constance Towers) who once lived there. Back when he was a young lifeguard, Ben had a crush on her. When she invites him into the house, he discovers that she has a framed picture of him that she took when he was young and standing on his lifeguard tower. She had a crush on him as well, but back then, dating a lifeguard would have led to a career-ending scandal. And now they’re both old, so what can anyone do? Oh well. Sorry, Ben, your life sucks.
But Mitch’s life is great! At the end of the episode, he thanks Hobie for having his nightmare. Hobie says he also had a dream where Mitch got married. “Blonde or brunette?” Mitch asks.
This was another silly episode of Baywatch, but as we all know, this series is at its most entertaining when it’s silly. As usual, Hasselhoff delivers even the most ludicrous of lines with an earnestness that is actually kind of charming in its own weird way. Ben’s storyline was kind of sad, but since the only reason Ben is on this show is to show that getting older sucks, it’s to be expected.
The important thing is that Mitch gets his wave runners and the ocean is now a safer place.


