Milos Kirek | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Daily Motion.

Send in the clowns….

Episode 3.22 “Tears of a Clown”

(Dir by Janet Greek, originally aired on March 13th, 1985)

Do you like clowns?

Then this episode is for you because there are clowns all over the hospital! When Dr. Chandler tells circus clown Bonko (Gina Hecht) that she should quit the circus because she has MS, her fellow clowns all show up at the hospital to support her. And yes, they wear their clown makeup! Bonko’s partner, Corky (Dennis Dugan), understands that Bonko is a born performer. As the episode ends, Bonko and Crky perform in an elevator and cheer up Andrea Fordham (Ann Hearn), Dr. Caldwell’s plastic surgery patient. Having had her declaration of love rejected by Bobby, Andrea could definitely use the cheering up.

Dr. Morrison needs some cheering up to. Working as a resident, a medical student, and a single father is a lot of pressure and his relationship with Clancy (played by Helen Hunt) isn’t bring him much relief. Morrison is suffering from insomnia and headaches and popping pills. He’s late to a timed exam and flunks. I swear, Morrison can never get a break. The only thing keeping him from being the most depressing character on the show is that Westphall somehow always seem to be even more afflicted with melancholy.

This episode features Westphall finally finding a condo that he can move into. He’s accompanied by Dr. Craig and they are mistaken for a couple by the realtor. Craig looks annoyed. Westphall looks glum. Westphall always looks glum!

Finally, Elliot discovers that Mrs. Hufnagle left him her entire meager estate. It’s also now his responsibility to spread her ashes.

After last week’s dramatic and emotional episode, this week felt rather lowkey. How you react to this episode will probably depend on how much tolerance you have for clowns.

It was an okay episode, even if it did ultimately feel like filler. After last week’s emotion-packed installment, this episode served to remind us that life goes on, even after Hufnagle dies and Shirley Daniels pulls a gun on everyone. That’s just the way things are in the city of Boston.

Originally, it had been planned that the Omen franchise would be made up of six or seven films and that each movie would check in on another year in the life of Damien Thorn, a bit like an apocalyptic version of Boyhood. However, after Damien: Omen II failed to perform up to expectations, plans were changed.

Instead of continuing the story of Damien’s adolescence, the 1981 film Omen III: The Final Conflict jumps straight into Damien’s adulthood. Now 32 years old and played by a very young (and handsome) Sam Neill, Damien Thorn is now the CEO of Thorn Enterprises. With the help of his loyal assistant Harvey Dean (Don Gordon), Damien has become one of the most popular and powerful men on the planet. Thorn Enterprises, having followed Paul Buhler’s scheme from the second film, is now responsible for feeding a good deal of the world. Damien is seen as being a humanitarian and a future President. When the U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom reacts to spotting a black dog in the park by committing suicide, Damien is appointed to the position.

(Needless to say, everyone in London is happy to see Damien. Nobody says, “I just hope you don’t end up going crazy and dying a violent death, like everyone else in your family and immediate circle of acquaintances.” But they’re probably thinking it…)

Now in London (and also appointed to be head of the United Nations Youth Organization, which just goes to show that your crazy uncle is right and the United Nations is a conspiracy), Damien pursues a rather creepy romance with journalist Kate Reynolds (Lisa Harrow) and makes plans to prevent the Second Coming by killing every single baby born on the morning of March 24th. (But Harvey’s son was born on March 24th — wow, could this lead to some sort of conflict?)

Meanwhile, a group of priests (led by an embarrassed-looking Rossanno Brazzi) have recovered these damn daggers of Megiddo and are now all attempting to assassinate Damien. Unfortunately, none of them are very good at their job. (“You had one job, Father! One job!”)

Bleh.

The Final Conflict is not that good. It’s boring. The plot is full of holes. For instance — and yes, these are SPOILERS — why have we sat through two movies listening to characters insist that Damien has to be stabbed by all seven of the daggers when apparently, just one dagger will do the job? Why, after being told that Jesus is going to be reborn as a child, does he then appear as an adult at the end of the film? And finally, why does nobody ever seem to find it strange that everyone that Damien knows end up suffering a freak accident?

I will say that there are two good things about The Final Conflict.

First off, Sam Neill gives a good performance as Damien Thorn. He’s handsome, he’s charismatic, and he’s not afraid to be evil. But, unfortunately, Damien’s just not that interesting of a character anymore. In the first Omen, he was interesting because he was an evil five year old. In the second Omen, he was at least occasionally conflicted about his role. In the third Omen, Damien is just evil and evil without nuance is boring.

Secondly, there’s that sequence where Damien’s followers go after the babies born on March 24th. Oh my God, that was so disturbing and it was one of the few moments when The Final Conflict actually became horrific.

Otherwise, The Final Conflict is a thoroughly forgettable sequel to a memorable film.