Tag Archives: Shanna Reed

Late Night Retro Television Review: 4.5 “….The Clock Runs Out”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, Joe Hears meets his fate.

Episode 4.5 “….The Clock Runs Out”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 2nd, 1988)

Poor Joe Hearns!

Last episode, Joe went from being a skid row windshield cleaner to being a defense coordinator to being a linebacker on the team.  This episode …. well, he dies.

Seriously.

It’s not a particularly noble death either.  After a rookie player (played by Kevin Sorbo, of all people) is seriously injured in a prank involving a bull, Hearns decides to go back to the farm and challenge the bull himself.  The show ends with the bull charging at Hearns and since Harold Sylvester (the actor who played Hearn) is not listed as having appeared in any episode of 1st & Ten beyond this one, I can only assume that the bull won.

Seriously, what was the point of that whole storyline?  Bubba, Jethro, and TD all thought that Joe Hearns would be able to redeem himself on the Bulls.  Hearns turned out to be suffering from massive PTSD, the result of having crippled an opposing player the last time he played.  This episode, Joe has a near breakdown when one of the team’s new executives reprimands Joe for parking in his spot.  And then Joe dies.  I guess the lesson here is that he would have been better off if Bubba and Jethro had just left him in that parking lot.

Watching this show, I get the feeling that the writers really didn’t have much direction in the writing room.  It’s amazing how often a potentially interesting character like Joe Hearn will be introduced and then dropped an episode later.  There have been so many storylines that have been started and abandoned in a similar fashion.  This very season started with the Bulls players buying the team and then, three episodes later, they decided that they didn’t want to be team owners after all.

The one thing that remains consistent?  The bland affability of OJ Simpson.  OJ may not have been a particularly good actor but he certainly was personable.  That undoubtedly paid off for him later in life.

Unfortunately, Joe Hearns was not personable.  And now, he’s dead.

(Actually, so is OJ.)

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.4 “Down and Out in Bulls Stadium”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Episode 4.4 “Down and Out In Bulls Stadium”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 26th, 1988)

The first game of the year is approaching and the Bulls, now owned by the Dobbs Corporation, have got a lot to deal with.

Mad Dog has to explain to an aspiring cheerleader (Christie Claridge) that he no longer has the power to make her a Bullette, despite the fact that he promised that he would do so when he was trying to get her to sleep with him.

New quarterback Doug Clayton (Scott Geyer) has to prove that he can lead the team, despite having a reputation for being an intellectual. Doug gave up a Rhodes scholarship so that he could play professional football. That doesn’t sound that smart, to be honest. I mean, will Oxford still be willing to give Doug a chance after he’s suffered twenty concussions?

TD Parker (OJ Simpson) must now work for the Dobbs Corporation, despite previously criticizing the corporation for not promoting enough minorities. TD explains to the press that he and the new owners came to an agreement. He also mentions that the corporation agreed to pay him a lot of money. So, I guess TD’s days as a radical labor leader have been slashed short.

Finally, after Bubba and Jethro spot him living in a parking lot and wiping windshields for a living, they convince TD to hire Joe Hearns (Harold Sylvester) as a defensive coach. Hearns was once a linebacker, which I guess is a defensive position. His career came to an end when he crippled a wide receiver. As a defensive coach, Hearns is a wash. At one point, he nearly runs out onto the field to tackle an opposing player. To me, that would indicate that Hearns has some mental issues and poor impulse control. To Coach Denardo, it means that Joe should be playing instead of coaching. Hearns returns to the lineup and promptly starts to have nightmares about the player he crippled.

Here’s the important thing, though. Doug leads the Bulls to victory in their first game and he makes it a point to praise defensive players like Mad Dog and Dr. Death. Tim Yinessa? Who needs him! Team Doug all the way!

This episode …. actually, it wasn’t that bad. I will admit that I laughed when Hearns had a vision of a wheelchair-bound football player rolling straight at him but that’s just because it was such an absurd image. Harold Sylvester actually gave a pretty good performance as the emotionally damaged, guilt-ridden Joe Hearns. I’m interested in seeing what the show is going to do with the Hearns character and Doug is far more interesting quarterback than the somewhat whiny Yinessa.

This season might be okay!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.1 “The Bulls Own Up”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, we start season 4.

Episode 4.1 “The Bulls Own Up”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 5th, 1988)

It’s time for a new season of 1st & Ten and things have changed!

Yinessa is nowhere to be seen.  Instead, this episode features a college quarterback named Sonny Clowers (Gary Kasper) who is being courted by agent Max Green (Mark Lonow).  Also not around is Jill Schrader, the team’s owner.  She has sold the team to a fast food chain.  The new owner of the Bulls is Charles (Monte Markham).  In his first meeting with TD Parker (OJ Simpson), Charles explains that he runs a clean-cut, all-American company and he expects the Bulls to be a clean-cut, all-American team.

In other words, it’s time to trade all of the trouble makers and the drug abusers.  Charles doesn’t want a team of individuals.  He wants a team of …. well, whatever the opposite of an individual is.

TD is not happy to hear about this.  Neither is Mad Dog, who is revealed to come from a fabulously wealthy family.  Mad Dog’s father wants Mad Dog to do something that requires more skill than football.  Hmmm …. maybe Mad Dog and all the other players could form their own company and buy the team themselves?

That doesn’t really sound like a great idea to me.  How can you release or trade a player when that player owns the team?  However, TD thinks that it’s a good idea.  Zagreb thinks it’s a good idea.  And Dr. Death shows up for practice in a three-piece suit, which somehow convinces everyone else that it’s a good idea!

Why do I get the feeling that this idea will dropped after six episodes?

This was an okay season opener.  The Bulls being sold to a fast food chain certainly makes more sense than Delta Burke acquiring them in a divorce settlement.  OJ Simpson recoiling at the thought of the team being expected to avoid scandal?  That was almost to on the nose!

Finally, I can’t end this review without saying Donald Gibb, RIP.  On a show not known for great acting, Gibb was definitely the exception.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.18 “Mermaid and the Matchmaker/The Obsolete Man”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

This week, an acquaintance returns to the Island.

Episode 7.18 “Mermaid and the Matchmaker/The Obsolete Man”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on March 24th, 1984)

Nyah (Michelle Phillips) is back!

Okay, maybe you don’t remember Nyah.  This  is Nyah’s first appearance since the fourth season.  In between the last time that Michelle Phillips played Nyah and her resurfacing in this episode, Phillips played five other characters on Fantasy Island.

So, to refresh your memory, Nyah is a mermaid.  During seasons three and four, she tried to tempt men to their death in the ocean and she was presented as being a friendly enemy of Mr. Roarke’s.  In this episode, however, Nyah is a bit nicer.  She’s not malicious as much as she’s just immature.  Roarke, for his part, treats her like a wayward teenager.  Nyah has a fantasy, of course.  She’s tired of being immortal and she wants Roarke to make her a mortal.  Roarke says that he can’t do that.  “You’re the only man who understands immortality!” Nyah says.

Nyah wants to die but instead, Roarke plays matchmaker and arranges for her to meet Duke McCall (Dennis Cole), a sailor who believes in mermaids.  He doesn’t have any issue with Nyah being a mermaid but Nyah, having fallen in love with him, fears that Duke will drown if he tries to pursue her.  Fortunately, for everyone involved, Duke turns into a merman.  Don’t ask me how these things work.  I’m just glad that Roarke didn’t have to kill anyone.

Meanwhile, banker Mitchell Robinson (Bert Convy) fears that he’s going to be replaced by a computer.  Charlene Hunt (Gloria Loring) claims that her computer is just as good at checking loan applications as any human.  She stages a competition between the computer and Mitchell.  Mitchell tries to explain to the computer that it’s important to judge people not just on their credit rating but also their body language.  This somehow causes the computer to explode and Mitchell keeps his job.

“Yay!” viewers in 1984 cheered, “computers will never replace us!”  HA!  Joke’s on you, Mitchell Robinson!

Seriously, you don’t have to tell me about the dangers of a fully automated world.  A.I. is fun for making silly images but it’s going to ultimately lead to a lot of people believing a lot of false things.  But Mitchell was so smug about beating the computer that I’m kind of glad that he still probably lost his job a few years later.  You can’t stop the march of technology, Mitchell!

As for this trip to the Island, the computer storyline didn’t really go anywhere but I did enjoy Michelle Phillip’s return as Nyah.  She and Ricardo Montalban had an enjoyable chemistry and it was fun to watch them bicker.  This week’s episode was uneven but, thanks to Michelle Phillips, it was still more enjoyable the most of what we’ve seen for the seventh season.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.2 “Out-of-Time Step”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on Tubi!

The adventures of John Peter McAllister and Max Keller continue!

That’s right, the search for McAllister’s daughter is still on and Max is still learning how to be a ninja.  But, before we get to their latest adventure, it’s time to enjoy the opening credits!

Episode 1.2 “Out-of-Time Step”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on January 27th, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller and this is how I spend my mornings….” Max Keller tells us in voice over as we watch footage of Max (Timothy Van Patten) balancing on a rope that’s been tied between two trees.  Yes, Max is still our narrator and John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is still training him to become a ninja.  Max is also still traveling in his van and with his hamster.

At the end of the previous episode, Max and McAllister were heading down to Atlanta to search for McAllister’s daughter.  At the start of this episode, we discover that they are in San Francisco, investigating a lead that McAllister’s daughter may have danced at a club called Truffles.  So, did they go to Atlanta or did they just change their mind and decide to stick around California?  More to the point, did NBC say, “Hey, we’re not paying for you people to go out of state?”

Anyway, Truffles turns out to be a club that’s owned by Charlie Patterson (Charles Collins), a former film star who has fallen on hard times.  (Charles Collins was a real-life dancer and when Patterson watches footage of a screen test that his character supposedly did for a Hollywood production, the footage is actually of Collins performing in a 1936 film called Dancing Pirate.)  Patterson has two daughters.  Kelly (Shanna Reed) is a dancer who thrills the club’s patrons every time she steps out onto the stage.  The other, Jill (Lori Lethin), uses a wheelchair.  Jill tells Charlie that he’s “an ex-hoofer with two daughters, one who wheels and one who does cartwheels.”

Upon arriving at Truffles, Max and McAllister discover that Charlie is being intimidated by Chinatown gangster, Johnny Chan (Brian Toshi) and Chan’s main enforcer, Mr. Lika (Soon-Tek Oh).  Mr. Lika spots McAllister’s medallion and realizes that McAllister is a trained ninja.  McAllister spots Mr. Lika’s ring and realizes that Mr. Lika is a member of the Yakuza.   This establishes a mutual respect between the two of them, one that inevitably leads to a final battle between Soon-Tek Oh and Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double.

Of course, McAllister does more than just fight Mr. Lika.  He also encourages Jill to stand up from her wheelchair and take a few steps.  And when Johnny Chan has Kelly kidnapped, he and Max rescue her.  (But not before Johnny shouts at her, “You’re a dancer!  DANCE!”)  It leads to a lot of action scenes but it doesn’t bring them any closer to McAllister’s daughter.

This episode wasn’t bad, largely because Soon-Tek Oh and Lee Van Cleef got a chance to face off.  Even if all of the actual fighting was done by Van Cleef’s stunt double, it’s still undeniably fun to watch these two icons glare at each other and exchange tough guy dialogue.  Plus, there was a lot of dancing!  I always appreciate any show that finds room for more than one dance number, even if they are obviously lifted from Flashdance.

As I mentioned earlier, this episode ended with McAllister and Max nowhere close to finding McAllister’s daughter.  But Max promised that they could keep looking.  I’m sure they’ll find her.  It’s not like America is that big.

A Movie A Day #330: The Banker (1989, directed by William Webb)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

It’s hard out here for a pimp and even worse for a banker.

Spaulding Osborne (Duncan Regehr) is a successful banker at the height of the 80s but handling all that money can be stressful.  Everyone needs a way to relax.  Osborne unwinds by painting his face like a tiger and murdering prostitutes with a laser sighted crossbow.  A worshipper of the ancient Gods, Osborne believes himself to be immortal and sees his murder spree as a way to collect souls.  Two pimps (Leif Garrett and Jeff Conaway) keep Osborne supplied with victims.  When Osborne suspects that one of the pimps has betrayed him, he demands that the pimp name all of the seven dwarves if he wants to live.  It pays to know your Disney.

What Osborne didn’t count on was that the chief of police (Richard Roundtree) would assign one of his weariest detectives, Dan (Robert Forster), to the case or that the detective’s TV reporter ex-wife (Shanna Reed) would get promoted to the anchor desk and start a crusade to have him captured.  Can Detective Dan capture Osborne before Osborne kills every prostitute in the city?  Will Dan be able to protect his ex-wife from the banker?

A film about a greedy banker who kills poor people on the side?  The Banker was released twenty years too early.  If it had been released in 2009, it probably would have an Oscar.  Instead, it was released straight-to-video in 1989 and exiled to late night Cinemax.  Unfortunately, the idea behind The Banker is more interesting than the execution, with most of the kills happening offscreen and any social commentary being rushed through so that the movie can get to the next nude scene.  Not surprisingly, the best thing about The Banker is Robert Forster, who is at his world-weary best.  Forster went through some tough times before Quentin Tarantino resurrected his career with Jackie Brown but movies like The Banker show that Forster never stopped giving good performances.