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Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.4 “Down and Out in Bulls Stadium”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Episode 4.4 “Down and Out In Bulls Stadium”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 26th, 1988)

The first game of the year is approaching and the Bulls, now owned by the Dobbs Corporation, have got a lot to deal with.

Mad Dog has to explain to an aspiring cheerleader (Christie Claridge) that he no longer has the power to make her a Bullette, despite the fact that he promised that he would do so when he was trying to get her to sleep with him.

New quarterback Doug Clayton (Scott Geyer) has to prove that he can lead the team, despite having a reputation for being an intellectual. Doug gave up a Rhodes scholarship so that he could play professional football. That doesn’t sound that smart, to be honest. I mean, will Oxford still be willing to give Doug a chance after he’s suffered twenty concussions?

TD Parker (OJ Simpson) must now work for the Dobbs Corporation, despite previously criticizing the corporation for not promoting enough minorities. TD explains to the press that he and the new owners came to an agreement. He also mentions that the corporation agreed to pay him a lot of money. So, I guess TD’s days as a radical labor leader have been slashed short.

Finally, after Bubba and Jethro spot him living in a parking lot and wiping windshields for a living, they convince TD to hire Joe Hearns (Harold Sylvester) as a defensive coach. Hearns was once a linebacker, which I guess is a defensive position. His career came to an end when he crippled a wide receiver. As a defensive coach, Hearns is a wash. At one point, he nearly runs out onto the field to tackle an opposing player. To me, that would indicate that Hearns has some mental issues and poor impulse control. To Coach Denardo, it means that Joe should be playing instead of coaching. Hearns returns to the lineup and promptly starts to have nightmares about the player he crippled.

Here’s the important thing, though. Doug leads the Bulls to victory in their first game and he makes it a point to praise defensive players like Mad Dog and Dr. Death. Tim Yinessa? Who needs him! Team Doug all the way!

This episode …. actually, it wasn’t that bad. I will admit that I laughed when Hearns had a vision of a wheelchair-bound football player rolling straight at him but that’s just because it was such an absurd image. Harold Sylvester actually gave a pretty good performance as the emotionally damaged, guilt-ridden Joe Hearns. I’m interested in seeing what the show is going to do with the Hearns character and Doug is far more interesting quarterback than the somewhat whiny Yinessa.

This season might be okay!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.23 “Side by Side/A Fish Out of Water/Rub Me Tender”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we have a very odd cruise indeed.

Episode 7.23 “Side by Side/A Fish Out of Water/Rub Me Tender”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 10th, 1984)

When the ship’s masseuse abruptly quits, Gopher is forced to make a split-second decision.  He hires Dorrie Butterworth (Mandy Perryment) as a replacement but, because he had to do so at the last minute, he doesn’t get a chance to tell Captain Stubing about it.  When Stubing meets Dorrie and invites her to dine at the Captain’s Table, Dorrie assumes that it’s all a part of the job.  When Dorrie wants to give the Captain a massage, he assumes that it’s her way of flirting.  (Myself, I always find it weird that, on every cruise, the Captain always seems to be struggling to find a date.  I mean, he’s the Captain!)  Gopher is worried that he’ll get in trouble for hiring Dorrie without telling the Captain ahead of time.  Instead, once Captain Stubing learns the truth, Dorrie is hired full time.

Yay!  Dorrie’s a new member of the crew!  I wonder if we’ll ever see her again.  Probably not.

(Don’t laugh.  Ace joined the crew two episodes ago but he’s nowhere to be seen in this episode.)

Edna Miles (Glynis Johns) boards the ship with her teenage grandson, Toby (Rossie Harris).  Everyone is charmed by how attentive Toby is to his grandmother.  Toby tells Doc that his grandmother is dying and he wants her to enjoy her final days.  However, when Doc talks to Edna, she reveals the truth.  Toby is the one who is dying, though he doesn’t realize it.  I’m not sure how you wouldn’t realize that but whatever. It was a sad and sweet development.  Toby thought he was comforting his grandmother during her final days but instead the opposite was true.  Still, someone really should let Toby know the truth at some point….

Finally, Allen (Ed Begley, Jr.) boards the ship and confesses to Isaac that he doesn’t know how to talk to women.  Isaac assures him that everyone finds love on the Love Boat.  After recovering from an accidental blow to the head, Allen wanders into the ship’s cargo hold and discovers that there’s a mermaid named Cora (Mary Crosby) being transported in a crate.  Allen sets Cora free and they have a nice romance on the boat.  But when Allen realizes that Cora is going to die if she doesn’t get back in the water, he tosses her overboard.

And then he wakes up!  It turns out that it was all a dream!  Wait — does that mean everything else that happened on this episode was just a dream as well?  Maybe that kid really isn’t dying!  Unfortunately, it turns out that the kid is still dying but Allen does meet a woman who looks just like Cora, except she’s not a mermaid.

Not many shows would have the courage to combine a story about a terminally ill child with a comedy about a shy man and a mermaid.  The Love Boat, however, did.  This was an odd episode.  The tone was all over the place.  The kid made me want to cry and the mermaid thing made me laugh because, even when it came to something as silly as this, Ed Begley, Jr. knew how to deliver a comedic line.  The two stories should not have existed anywhere near each other but they did.

As a result, this was a great cruise!  Seriously, The Love Boat is at its best when it breaks the rules.

Finally, I should slso note that, on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale, this episode scores only a 5 out of 10.  Who needs cocaine when you’ve got mermaids and terminal illnesses to deal with?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.6 “Silver Dollar”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, gamblers are causing trouble on campus! It’s time to send in an undercover bike cop!

Episode 4.6 “Silver Dollar”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on August 30th, 1998)

At the local college, a bookie is trying to fix games and having his henchwoman beat up the students and the teachers who owe him money. The funny thing about the bookie’s enforcer is that she wears all black and a translucent top and she is constantly kicking people in the face but no one ever seems to notice her. I mean, I can still remember how, during the fourth season of The Wire, Wee-Bey Bice got angry at his son Namond for having a different haircut from all the other members of his crew. Wee-Bey said that you never want to give the police an easy way to spot you in a lineup and that really does make sense. I get the feeling that Pacific Blue might not be as realistic as The Wire was.

Anyway, this is yet another episode where a bike cop goes undercover. This time, recovering gambler Russ is sent undercover to take down the bookies and he’s given $500 of the department’s money to play with. This seems like a terrible idea. Cory eventually figures out that it’s a terrible idea and she spends the entire episode randomly showing up and yelling at Russ about his attitude. Eventually, Cory gets so mad that she beats Russ up. “That was so badass!” Russ says and it was kind of. That said, I do have to wonder about the fact that all of the members of Pacific Blue really do seem to hate each other. They’re always getting into fights or yelling at each other. It takes a lot of charisma to pull off the whole “renegade who does things his way” schtick and, as a character, Russ really doesn’t have it. Unfortunately, Cory doesn’t really have the charisma to pull off the “boss who demands results” thing eitehr.

My point is that this was a boring episode, Russ is a boring character. His roommate, Jamie, is even more boring. The whole subplot about Russ having a lucky silver dollar felt idiotic. For all the time that was spent on Russ trying not to blow his cover, it’s debatable whether or not his police work really had that much to do with taking down the bad guys. Instead, Cory just showed up and beat everyone up. That’s one way to get results. And it actually makes a lot more sense than assigning a bike cop to work undercover.

Why are bike cops going undercover? Aren’t they just supposed to be handing out tickets? On a good day, it appears that there are only seven members of the bike patrol so can they really afford for one of them to go a week without riding his bike? Seriously, is this any way to keep Los Angeles safe?

None of this would happen if Spencer Pratt was mayor.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.5 “Squash It”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

Hey, it’s time for yet another school carnival!

Episode 2.5 “Squash It”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 25th, 1994)

Because no one at this school actually has to go to class or anything, it’s time for the annual Bayside carnival!  Who will win the prize for best booth?

Will it be Tommy and Lindsay’s kissing booth?  Neither Tommy nor Lindsay are happy about the idea of either one of them kissing anyone else.  So why did they agree to a kissing booth in the first place?

Will it be Rachel and Brian’s dunk tank?  When Belding comes down with a cold, Brian takes Belding’s place as the dunkee.  Everyone wants to dunk Brian because he’s spent a week deliberately insulting everyone.  However, Brian has rigged the tank so he won’t fall in the water.  “You forgot to release the safety!”  Belding says, not realizing that there’s a reason for that.  Uh-oh.  Soon, Brian is soaked and the audience is saying, “Woooo!”

Will it be Megan and Bobby’s mind-reading booth?  Let’s hope not because that’s really dumb.  Bobby also has to remove his mind-reading turban so he can fight a bully.  Fortunately, Screech has taught him karate!

I know this all sounds terrible but this is actually a pretty cute episode.  Instead of being Screech-centered, this episode actually allows every member of the cast to have at least one moment to shine.  (I hate to keep pointing this out but the season 2 cast has a far more appealing chemistry than the season 1 cast.)  Even Screech teaching Bobby karate is amusing.  There’s nothing subtle about Dustin Diamond’s performance but, for once, the broad humor actually works.  Add to that, Bobby learns how to fight but then he chooses not to.  Hey, that’s actually a good lesson, even if it is a bit anticlimatic.

We never learn who wins the Best Booth prize.  I would have given it to Brian and Rachel.  They’re a cute couple, even if they’re not technically dating.  (It also helps if you don’t think about the fact that there was a 8 year age-difference between the actors.)

All in all, this was a good episode.  I’m as shocked as anyone.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.22 “A Threat of War”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, two opponents from the past return.

Episode 5.22 “A Threat of War”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on March 21st, 1982)

When Ponch and Baker try to break up a fight between a group of white kids and a group of Spanish kids, they discover that the white gang is being led by their old foe, Billy Rogers (Danny Bonaduce).  Billy still knows karate and his attitude has gotten even worse.

Suddenly, another old foe shows up.  Andy Macedon (Lewis Van Bergen) says that he’s no longer into the gang life and he’s trying to bring peace to the old neighborhood.  Ponch is skeptical so Andy challenges him to a karate match at the youth center.

Everyone tells Ponch that he shouldn’t show up for the fight but Ponch does show up.  Ponch back down from a fight?  No way.  There’s one thing that you can always count on when it comes to CHiPs in its fifth season.  Baker might still occasionally get to do something heroic but, for the most part, this is now The Ponch Show.  Baker gets to write tickets and occasionally tell people to slow down on the highway.  Ponch is the one who gets to sing, dance, flirt, skydive, and just about every other cool thing you could do in California in the 80s.  Needless to say, when the show needs someone to take part in a karate match, Ponch is the one who is going to be donning his black belt.

As for the match itself, Ponch and Andy fight each other to a draw and then they shake hands, showing that peace can be achieved.  It turns out that Andy was telling the truth!  He has reformed!  However, Billy Rogers is a lost cause.  Not even seeing Ponch and Andy clasping hands is enough to keep him from pursuing the gang life.  It would be a sad story if not for the fact that Billy is played by Danny Bonaduce.  Instead, it’s just kind of campy.

Considering that this episode revolved around karate, it should have been more exciting.  Instead, Estrada just smiled a lot and the episode end up neutering Andy Macedon, one of the best villains  that the show ever had.  The threat of war was not worth the cost.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.6 “Abrams For The Defense”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, David Abrams gets his time in the spotlight.

Episode 1.6 “Abrams For The Defense”

(Dir by Aaron Lipstadt, originally aired on October 14th, 1986)

In the slums of Chicago, Hector Lincoln (Ving Rhames) strikes his landlord, Sturkowski (Frederick Nuemann), after one of Hector’s children is bitten by one of the rats that roams freely through the apartment building.  Hector is arrested and facing time in prison.  Public defender David Abrams (Stephen Lang) defends Hector in court, claiming that conditions in the slums were so bad that Hector only struck Sturkowski in self-defense.  Helping David to make his case about the conditions in Sturkowski’s building is a crusader reporter named Suzanne Terry (Pam Grier).

This episode was all about showing us who David Abrams is.  David’s father was a mob lawyer but David has no interest in working with people like Ray Luca and Phil Bartoli.  Instead, he wants to defend the poor and the downtrodden.  Torello and Krychek happen to stop by the trail and they’re impressed with David’s passion.  Krychek is disgusted when Sturkowski says that Hector and his family don’t deserve to live a better life.  Who knew that two Chicago cops would be so liberal?

To celebrate Hector’s acquittal, a block party is held.  David is the guest of honor and, for reasons that aren’t really clear, he decides to invite Torello and Krychek to come celebrate with him.  Everyone at the block party is super excited that two cops are hanging out with them.  But then Sturkowski tries to evict the Lincolns and Hector strikes him again.  This time, he kills Sturkowski.  Torello and Krychek promptly arrest Hector as the episode comes to an end.

(And that is why you don’t invite cops to the block party.)

This episode was well-acted, if a bit heavy-handed.  (To a certain extent, it reminded me of those episodes of Miami Vice where Crockett would certainly start talking like an undergrad who had just read about Marx for the first time.)  It certainly allowed us to get to know more about David Abrams and Stephen Lang and Pam Grier had a good deal of chemistry as two people who appear to be poised on pursuing a relationship that was not all that common in 1963 Chicago.  The block party was where the episode kind of lost me, just because I found it hard to believe that Torello and Krychek would not only show up but be treated as the guests of honor despite the fact that most of the people at the party wouldn’t have the slightest idea who they were.  I can understand Abrams being welcomed because Abrams kept Hector out of prison.  But Torello and Krychek are just two random, middle-aged, white cops.

This episode established David Abrams as being a man caught between two different worlds, the law and lawless.  I can’t wait to see what the show does with him.

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/31/26 — 6/6/26

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Election Coverage

Several states voted on Tuesday.  Everyone was able to quickly count their votes …. except for California.  Poor Spencer Pratt.  I would have voted for him but it doesn’t look like he’s going to be the next mayor of Los Angeles.  With each new update, he’s falling behind and it looks like the whiny commie no one took seriously will be in the run-off instead.  It’s funny how this always happens in the state that takes over a month to count the votes.  That said, it could also be argued that the results coming out of Los Angeles are a reminder that getting attention online doesn’t necessarily translate into votes on the ground.  There’s a lesson there for us all.

The Facts of Life (Tubi)

I was having a panic attack on Wednesday night so I calmed myself down by watching random episodes of this slightly cringey 80s comedy.  I ended up getting the theme song stuck in my head.  If you hear them from your brother, better clear them with your mother….

The Hillside Strangler (HBOMax)

Yet another serial killer documentary.  Cousins Kenneth Bianchi and Angelo Buono killed a still undetermined number of women in Los Angeles in the 1970s.  Bianchi claimed that he had a second personality that was responsible for the murders.  Fortunately, the jury did not believe him and he is currently serving a life sentence.  Buono died in prison.  Good riddance.

Impact x Nightline (Hulu)

This week, I watched an episode about the heart-breaking Kristen Smart case.  Though Paul Flores has (after 20+ years) finally been convinced of murdering Smart, her body has yet to be recovered.  I cannot imagine the pain that Smart’s family has been put through.  This is actually a case that I’ve been following for a while, even before it became the subject of podcasts.  It’s not just that Paul Flores murdered Kristen.  It’s that he was so damn cocky about it.  He really thought he would get away with it.

Susan Smith: Sex Behind Bars (Reelz)

This short documentary about Susan Smith, a young mother who drowned her children and then tried to blame it on an imaginary black carjacker, and the sexual affairs that she had with two correctional officers in prison was exploitive and icky.  And yet, I watched it.  So, shame on me.

Trainwreck: Woodstock ’99 (Netflix)

I reviewed this documentary here!

Lifetime Film Review: Mama’s Little Murderer (dir by Andrew Parkes)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, this one is just strange.

Mama’s Little Murderer opens with twenty-something Anthony (Isaac Kragten) being abducted and taken, with a bag over his head, to a random wooded location.  Uh-oh, looks like Anthony is in trouble!  Suddenly, we flash back to Anthony getting suspended from college because of his fearsome tempter.  Then, a few weeks later, Anthony shows up at home where he is upset to discover that his mother, Constance (Sara Canning), is living with her boyfriend, Leo (Ian Kilburn).  Anthony is jealous and goes to extremes to try to break up Constance and Leo.

Because of the title, I assumed that this film would be about a mom discovering that her son is a murderer.  I also thought that the son would be much younger than he turned out to be.  You don’t really refer to a twenty-year old as being “mama’s little anything.”  Due to the title, I was expecting this to be a version of The Bad Seed.  Instead, it just became a film about a selfish and rather annoying college student who couldn’t accept the fact that his mom was moving on with her life.  Anthony went to extremes to try to break up Leo and his mom but, and please forgive the spoiler, he never murdered anyone.

While we’re watching Anthony act like a loser in the past, we’re also watching Constance and Leo trying to deal with him being kidnapped in the present.  Now, I will say that there was some suspense as to whether or not Anthony was in on the kidnapping. Or at least, there was initially.  But it soon became clear that, while Anthony was guilty of being a very bad son, he was not guilty of setting up his own kidnapping.  Indeed, the kidnapping had very little do with his efforts to break up his mother and Leo.

As I watched this movie, I found myself thinking about how much I hated The King of Staten Island.  That was the film that featured Pete Davidson as an annoying little jerk who got mad because his mother (Marisa Tomei) was dating a fireman (Bill Burr).  My main issue with that film was that everyone seemed to be way too forgiving of Davidson’s character.  The same thing happens here.  Anthony does some terrible things.  He doesn’t even tell his mom the truth about what happened at the college.  But, when all of his lies and his schemes are revealed, he just apologizes and everyone’s like, “Oh, okay, that’s cool.”  Whereas, in reality, they should have kicked him out of the house and had him committed somewhere.

(Needless to say, it’s never a good sign when a film makes you think about another film that you disliked.)

This was essentially two films in one. One film was about a mentally unstable son.  The other film was a standard kidnapping film.  Unfortunately, the two films didn’t really go together and neither one felt fully developed.  It’s a shame because Sara Canning was likable as Constance and you really did hope that she would find happiness with Leo.  It was hard not to feel that both Constance and Leo deserved better than having to deal with Anthony.  They should have let the kidnappers keep him.