Chag Sameach!
Chag Sameach!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
This week, OJ has some wisdom to share.
Episode 3.8 “The Brink of Death”
(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on November 4th, 1987)
There’s a lot happening in this week’s episode.
For instance, Bubba and Jethro now own the bar where all of the Bulls hang out. To be honest, I thought they always owned the bar but apparently, they didn’t. As I’ve said a few times in the past, the way these episodes were edited for syndication occasionally makes it a bit difficult to actually follow the storyline.
Wide receiver Billy Cooper (Michael Toland) was kidnapped by Stuart (Richard Tanner), the nerdy guy whose girlfriend Billy stole. Stuart wrapped up Billy in a straight jacket, forced him to wear a “Dumb Jock” label on his forehead, and then filmed him screaming in fear of a bunch of fire ants. Billy’s girlfriend dumped him because Stuart was “more interesting.”
But the main plotline dealt with Dr. Death, the defensive player who was played by Donald Gibbs. While playing against Oakland, many of the Bulls were tackled by Joe “The Terminator” Morgan (Andre Newman), a notoriously dirty player. Dr. Death decided to get revenge by tackling Joe Morgan during a kick return, even though Joe had signaled for something called a fair catch. (I guess that meant that no one was supposed to touch Joe.) Joe Morgan ended up in the hospital. The owner of the Oakland team pressured Joe to press assault charges against Dr. Death, who was already feeling guilty about injuring Joe as severely as he did.
It was up to O.J. Simpson to talk some sense into Joe Morgan. O.J. went to the hospital and told Joe that football was all about getting injured. O.J. asked Joe if this was the way he wanted to go out.
By appealing to Joe’s desire to be remembered as a killer football player, OJ is able to convince Joe to drop the charges.
(I should mention that OJ himself was an early contender for the role of the actual Terminator.)
O.J. Simpsons saved the day again!
What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or streaming? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!
If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night, you could have watched 1981’s 300 Miles For Stephanie.
Tony Orlando — yes, the singer — plays Alberto Rodriguez. When the movie begins, Alberto is a rambunctious military veteran who is notorious for drinking too much and getting into fights. After his latest arrest, he is ordered to turn his life around. With the help of his cousin (Edward James Olmos), he gets a job as a cop in San Antonio. Eventually, he gets married and he becomes a father to Stephanie.
When Stephanie is born, Alberto is told that his daughter probably won’t make it to her fifth birthday. The struggle of raising a handicapped daughter becomes too much for Alberto’s wife and soon, Alberto is a single father. When Stephanie makes it to her fifth birthday, Alberto rides a bicycle 300 miles to a chapel so he can give thanks to God. Later, after his story is picked up the San Antonio media, Alberto resolves to run to the chapel, covering 300 miles on foot in just five days.
300 Miles For Stephanie is clearly a made-for-TV movie from the early 80s. It’s the type of movie where every dramatic beat leads to the inevitable fade-out for commercials. The budget is low and there’s not a single subtle moment to be found in the film but the story itself is so touching that it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s because it’s Holy Week. Maybe it’s because I’ve recently had to say goodbye to people that I loved. Maybe I’m just as sucker for these type of stories. It doesn’t matter. I cried.
As an actor, Tony Orlando was a little stiff but he still brought a likable earnestness to the role and he got good support from Edward James Olmos, Pepe Serna, Gregory Sierra, and Peter Graves. Graves’s role is small but, as Alberto’s captain, he’s exactly the type of fair-minded authority figure who we could use more of nowadays.
It’s a touching film. In real life, Stephanie, who no one expected to see her second birthday, lived to be 26 years old.
Previous Insomnia Files:
1979’s The Teheran Incident opens with a daring theft. A cruise missile with a nuclear warhead is stolen from a Russian military demonstration and somehow transported to pre-Islamic Revolution Iran. (I say somehow because I’m not really sure how one moves a cruise missile from one country to another without anyone noticing.) The plot was masterminded by the Baron (Curd Jurgens), an international criminal who lives on a yacht. With the help of Professor Nikolaeff (John Carradine, making no effort to sound Russian), the Baron plans to use the missile to blow up a conference that’s being held in Iran.
When an American diplomat is murdered after discovering the Baron’s plan, American spy Alec Franklin (Peter Graves) is sent to Teheran to investigate. Alec teams up with KGB agent Konstantine Senyonov (Michael Dante, who makes even less effort than John Carradine to sound or even come remotely across as being Russian). Together, they investigate the Baron’s operations, which means spending a lot of time wandering around Tehran while a “wacka wacka” beat plays in the background. They also spend a lot of time in a casino because all international criminals own a casino. The Baron, I might add, is such a diabolical villain that he actually hides a cruise missile underneath his casino.
The Teheran Incident is an example of what I like to call “James Bond On A Budget.” In the 60s, 70s, and 80s, the Bond films were a big deal and they inspired a slew of imitators. Most of these imitation Bond films were made by people who really couldn’t afford to spend the millions of dollars that went into the Bond films. What’s important though is that they still tried. It’s hard not to appreciate the effort that goes into trying to recreate a luxurious casino without going bankrupt. The film has the ambitions of Las Vegas and the look of Reno and it’s hard not to look at it and say, “Well, at least they tried. They didn’t give up, even if maybe they should have.” Also, as was the case with many of the budget Bonds, the producers were able to get at least Bond veteran to appear in the film. In The Spy Who Loved Me, Curd Jurgens stole a nuclear missile and got shot in the crotch for his trouble. In The Teheran Incident, Curd Jurgens steals a nuclear missile and gets to hang out on a yacht with his mistress and collection of pinch-faced henchmen. Along with both films featuring Jurgens as their main villain, both films also feature a villainous plot that doesn’t really make much sense. But only The Teheran Incident has John Carradine!
As for our heroes, Peter Graves does his job with his usual stoic professionalism while Michael Dante comes across like he’s never even picked up War and Peace, much lest read it. The true star of the film is the disco soundtrack, which is entertainingly out-of-place and impossible to get out of our head.. This is a bad film that you can dance to!
Apparently, the pre-Mullah Iranian government enthusiastically helped with the production of The Teheran Incident, hoping for a popular film that would bring tourists to Iran. Unfortunately, before the film was released, the Iranian government fell to the Islamic Revolution. (I guess it’s a good thing we took care of that cruise missile.) Needless to say, when it was finally released, The Teheran Incident did not do much to help Iranian tourism.
Previous Icarus Files:
In 1977’s SST: Death Flight, we follow a supersonic jet as it makes it’s maiden flight, going from New York to Paris in just three hours. Not surprisingly, there’s an “all-star” cast waiting for the plane to take off.
Regis Philbin appears as the reporter who breathlessly covers the excitement at the airport. Lorne Greene plays the owner of the jet who is staying behind in New York. Burgess Meredith is the plane’s designer. Robert Reed is the hard-driving pilot. Peter Graves is a businessman who is surprised to see that his former secretary (Season Hubley) has boarded the plane with her stick-in-the-mud fiancé (John De Lancie). Doug McClure is a disgraced pilot who will also be on the flight. Billy Crystal is a bowtie-wearing flight attendant. Bert Convy is the PR man who is traveling with his pregnant mistress (Misty Rowe). Martin Milner, Tina Louise, Susan Strasberg, they’re all on the flight! Finally, there’s a epidemiologist (Brock Peters) who is transporting a box that contains a sample of the Senegal Flu. Now, you might question why anyone would transfer a sample of a highly infectious disease that has a 30% fatality rate on a commercial flight and that’s a good question.
Unfortunately, a disgruntled executive (George Maharis) tries to sabotage the plane, which leads to an explosive decompression that causes the Flu box to burst open. Uh-oh, people are getting sick! And now, Paris refuses to let the plane land in their city because they don’t have time to set up a quarantine. London, however, is willing to let the plane land at one of their airports. However, London hasn’t finalized their quarantine plans so there’s a chance that landing there could lead to British people getting sick.
Brock Peters suggests that they land in Senegal, which already has a quarantine going on. When it is reasonably pointed out that the plane might not have enough fuel to make it to Senegal and that everyone, including those who are not sick, might die in the resulting crash, Martin Milner gives a speech about morality and demands that all of the passengers agree to further risk their lives by going to Senegal. John de Lancie argues for London.
And you know what?
Watching the film, I agreed with John de Lancie. De Lancie points out, quite correctly, the no one on the airplane knew that they were going to be traveling with a deadly disease, that London is preparing a quarantine even while the plane is in flight, and that it’s unfair to demand that everyone on the plane agree to possibly die in a horrific crash. We’re supposed to really hate de Lancie’s character but he makes sense!
The passengers and crew vote 3 to 1 to go to Senegal.
And, of course, the plane crashes.
“Did we do the right thing?” Susan Strasberg asks.
Well, the plane crashed. I think that kind of answers your question.
Some survive and some don’t. The epidemiologist survives without a scratch on him and somehow, no one in the film ever gets mad at him. Seriously, though, what was he thinking bringing his deadly disease samples on a commercial fight!?
Why is this a guilty pleasure? Well, first off, it’s a terrible movie but the cast is full of so many familiar faces that it’s hard to look away. Just the casting of Peter Graves in a “serious” disaster film about an airplane makes this a guilty pleasure. Secondly, the film is the epitome of both the 70s and the disaster genre. The supersonic jet can break the sound barrier but it still looks incredibly tacky. I’m surprised it didn’t have shag carpeting.
Finally, there’s a moment where Bert Convy tells his pregnant girlfriend, “Don’t worry.”
She replies, “That’s what you said last time and look what happened!”
Convy looks straight a the camera and shrugs.
Best guilty pleasure ever!
Previous Guilty Pleasures
President Jeremy Harris (Tod Andrews) has a lot on his plate. With America and China inching closer and closer to war, Secretary of State Freeman Sharkey (Raymond Massey) is advocating for diplomacy while National Security Advisor George Oldenburg (Rip Torn) feels that America must be more aggressive and ready to launch the first nuclear missile. Of course, no one pays much attention to Vice President Kermit Madigan (Buddy Ebsen). Kermit is viewed with such contempt that he’s never even been given a briefing on what’s going on with China. However, when Air Force One crashes in the California desert and the President cannot be definitively identified as one of the bodies found in the wreckage, Vice President Madigan finds himself with a very difficult decision to make.
That’s quite a crisis. Personally, though, I’m more interested in how the United States ended up with Secretary of State named Freeman Sharkey. I mean, that’s just an amazing name for a diplomat. Why didn’t they elect that guy President? No one messes with Sharkey!
The majority of 1973’s The President’s Plane Is Missing follows a reporter named Mark Jones (Peter Graves) as he tries to get to the bottom of what has happened to President Harris. As usual, Graves is likably stoic. Mark Jones doesn’t show much emotion but, at the very least, he does seem to be trying to do a good job as an old school journalist. What’s interesting is that Mark has an editor (played by Arthur Kennedy) who is constantly yelling at him and threatening to fire him. There’s something very odd about seeing Peter Graves taking order from someone who isn’t intimidated by him.
Mark Jones does learn the truth about why the President has gone missing and he also learns why he, as the reporter assigned to follow the President, wasn’t allowed to board Air Force One when it initially took off. Unfortunately, the solution is a bit anti-climatic. In fact, it’s so anti-climatic that it’s actually kind of annoying. All of the drama ultimately feels rather unnecessary and pointless.
By today’s standards, The President’s Plane Is Missing is a bit on the dull side. There are so many obvious plot holes that I get the feeling that it was probably a bit boring when it originally aired in 1973 as well. The most interesting thing about the film is that it was directed by Daryl Duke, who also directed Payday, a harrowing film about a self-destructive country-western singer. Rip Torn, the star of Payday, appears here as a calm and collected intellectual who advocates for nuclear war without a hint of ambivalence. Torn is a bit miscast as a man without emotions but it’s still always nice to see him in a film.
Who gives the best performance in The President’s Plane Is Missing? Believe it or not, Buddy Ebsen. Ebsen is totally believable as the vice president who, after years of being ignored, is suddenly thrust into a position of power. I’d vote for Kermit Madigan but only if he wasn’t running against Freeman Sharkey.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Episode 7.13 “The Misunderstanding/Love Below Decks/The End Is Near”
(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on December 10, 1983)
There’s all sorts of misunderstandings on this week’s cruise.
Karen Stevens (Morgan Brittany) is convinced that her mother, film star Nancy Fairchild (Clair Trevor), didn’t want her or love her. Nancy appeals to Karen’s husband (James Houghton) to help bring about a reconciliation. Karen apparently did her research because there’s something about the Pacific Princess that always helps retired film stars to either find love or fix their familial relationships.
“Dutch” Boden (Vic Tayback) is the rough and plain-spoken ship’s engineer. He thinks that Ellen Kirkwood (Arlene Dahl) is the Captain’s girlfriend. Instead, Ellen is the widow of one of Stubing’s old friends. Stubing worries that Dutch is bothering Ellen. Instead, Dutch and Ellen are falling in love. This is one of the rare episodes where we get to see how the crew lives on the below decks. Their cabins are really small!
Finally, newlywed Felix (Lou Richards) and Andrea (Delta Burke) are worried that the world is going to end. When the world doesn’t end at the appointed time, Felix fears that maybe he based his calculations on Eastern Time. Since the Love Boat was on the Pacific Coast, that would have meant the world would have ended three hours before Felix expected. Maybe Felix’s problem is that he doesn’t understand time zones. I’m the same way. They confuse the heck out of me.
This week’s cruise was a little bland. The guest cast was charming but two of the stories felt very familiar. But I did like the storyline with the paranoid newlyweds. Lou Richards and Delta Burke really threw themselves into their somewhat ludicrous characters. I laugh more than I thought I would.
This was a pleasant if not extremely memorable cruise.
2020’s Hard Luck Love Story tells the tale of a man named Jesse (Michael Dorman).
Jesse is a drifter, heading from town to town and staying in cheap motels. He plays the guitar and sings to himself. He goes to pool halls and hustles people out of their money, earing him the enmity of a heavily tattooed redneck named Rollo (Dermot Mulroney). He drinks when he’s alone. He drinks when he’s with other people. On the one hand, he’s a pool hustler who makes his living by cheating other people. On the other hand, he’s the type who will hug strangers and give them all of his money. Jesse’s not really a bad guy but he’s someone who, as fate would have it, seems to live in a world that’s dominated by frequently bad people. When Jesse has enough money to afford some beer and some cocaine, he calls his ex-girlfriend, Carly (Sophia Bush), to his hotel. Over the course of a night, we get to know them. Neither one is quite who we originally assumed. Jesse makes a lot of mistakes and he has a talent for angering even the people who try to help him but it’s impossible not to like him. Some of that is due to Michael Dorman’s charismatic performance. Even more of it is because everyone has known someone like Jesse, the well-meaning guy who just has a talent for screwing up.
Hard Luck Love Story is a piece of Americana, one that captures the atmosphere of small towns struggling to survive, dive bars full of broken dreams, and rain-slicked nights when it seems like just about anything can happen. It captures life on the fringes with empathy and a sense of humor. Jesse and Carly may be the heart of the story but the film is full of interesting characters, the types who you could only find in the small cities of Middle America. I particularly liked Zach (Brian Sacca), the bearded cop who goes from being intimidating to being likable in his own dorky way.
Eric Roberts has a small role in this film. He plays Skip, an associate of Carly’s. Roberts doesn’t have a lot of screentime but he makes the most of it. There’s a tendency to be dismissive of the roles that Roberts does nowadays. In his autobiography, Roberts is himself fairly dismissive of a lot of them. But, in Hard Luck Love Song, he gets a chance to create an actual character and he definitely makes an impression. He’s not just Eric Roberts doing a cameo. Instead, he’s very much a part of the film’s world.
Hard Luck Love Song is an engrossing trip through the parts of America that tend to get overlooked by other films. The film is based on an alt-country song and it hits all the right notes.
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

“May they believe. And may they laugh at their passions. For what they call passion is not really the energy of the soul, but merely friction between the soul and the outside world.” — the Stalker
Stalker is one of those films that feels less like a story you’re watching and more like a place you’re slowly drowning in. Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky in 1979, it’s a slow‑burn sci‑fi parable that spends most of its runtime trudging through damp, ruined spaces while three men argue about faith, desire, and whether any of it really matters. It’s not a movie you “get” on first watch; it’s the kind that lingers in your head for days, nudging you to rethink what you thought you wanted from life, and from cinema itself.
The basic setup sounds like genre bread‑and‑butter: a mysterious forbidden area called “The Zone” is guarded by the state, and only a few people—called “stalkers”—can safely guide visitors through it to a fabled Room that can grant a person’s deepest wish. Our guide is simply called the Stalker, played by Alexander Kaidanovsky with a mixture of haunted reverence and exhausted humility. He leads two men into the Zone: a jaded Writer who’s lost his inspiration and a cynical Scientist, each with their own idea of what they’re hoping to find. The tension in Stalker doesn’t really come from the physical danger of the Zone, though it’s full of traps and inexplicable phenomena; it comes from watching these three slowly peel open their own lies to themselves.
Tarkovsky’s visual strategy is almost perversely patient. He lingers on long, static shots of corroded metal, flooded tunnels, and overgrown railway tracks, while the camera glides in smooth, hypnotic movements that feel both weightless and heavy. The Zone is shot in a washed‑out sepia‑like palette, which makes it look like a half‑remembered dream or a charcoal sketch of a ruined world. The real world outside the Zone, in contrast, is the one that’s actually in sepia, while the Zone itself briefly shifts into color. This flip is a quiet but brutal joke: the thing everyone fears and wants to escape from—the decaying, post‑industrial wasteland—is actually more vivid and alive than the “safe” world, which feels duller, flatter, and spiritually dead. The longer you stay inside Stalker, the more you start to suspect that the Zone is less a physical location and more a mirror for the characters’ inner lives.
The central idea driving the film is the Room: the chamber that supposedly grants desires. The Writer and the Scientist have different theories about what the Room is doing. The Writer thinks it can expose the truth of what people really want, not what they claim to want. The Scientist rattles off more technical explanations, wondering if the Room is some kind of psychic field or natural anomaly. The Stalker, meanwhile, approaches it with a kind of religious awe; he believes the Room is a kind of judgment, a place where the universe reaches inside and shows you the core of your being. The film deliberately keeps the mechanics vague, so the focus stays on the question of human desire itself. It asks, in a very quiet way: what if the thing you want most is the thing that would actually destroy you—or worse, is the thing you’re too afraid to admit?
This is where the echoes of Dune start to creep in, even if Tarkovsky never admits it directly. Frank Herbert’s Dune is built around similar ideas: a mystical, hostile landscape (Arrakis) that tests and reshapes whoever tries to cross it, and a system of belief that promises transcendence if you’re willing to face the full, terrifying complexity of yourself. Both stories center on a guide figure—Stalker in the Zone, Paul Atreides in the Fremen’s desert—who leads outsiders into a place that follows its own rules and punishes arrogance. In Dune, the desert is a kind of crucible for destiny; in Stalker, the Zone is a crucible for the soul. The difference is that Herbert leans into prophecy and chosen‑one narrative, while Tarkovsky keeps the prophecy hazy and even mocks the men who fetishize it. The Zone doesn’t care about “chosen” people; it just quietly reflects what’s already there.
The payoff of Stalker is also the opposite of a heroic fantasy. In Dune, the protagonist’s journey to the heart of the desert culminates in a decisive, mythic confrontation that rewrites the future of an empire. In Stalker, the group actually reaches the Room, but the film refuses a conventional resolution. Instead, they argue about whether they’re even capable of deserving what they desire. The Scientist, who claims he wants to protect humanity from the Room’s power, is exposed as someone who fears losing control of his own fate. The Writer, who thinks he wants “truth” or “inspiration,” is quietly terrified that the Room might reveal how shallow his motives really are. The Stalker, in his idealism, is the closest to pure faith, but that faith is also fragile, constantly battered by the cynicism of the men he’s guiding. The Room doesn’t magically fix anyone; it just sits there, neutral, until the characters decide if they’re willing to confront the consequences of their own hearts.
Another way Stalker feels Dune‑adjacent is in its treatment of desire as a kind of test. Both works suggest that the deepest desires of human beings are not just personal wishes but political and moral statements. In Dune, the messianic fantasies of the Fremen and the machinations of the Empire reveal how easily spiritual yearning can be weaponized. In Stalker, the possibility of the Room is already politicized by the state that tries to seal it off, and by the figures who claim to want to “use” it for the greater good. The film’s closest hint at Herbert‑style mythology is in the legend of Porcupine, the Stalker’s mentor who supposedly used the Room to wish for riches and then hanged himself out of guilt. That story, told by the Writer, suggests that the Room doesn’t just grant desire—it interprets it, exposing the gap between what people say they want and what they secretly crave. It’s a more intimate, less epic version of the Bene Gesserit’s manipulation of destiny.
Philosophically, Stalker is far more pessimistic about human nature than Dune ever is. Herbert’s universe is full of grand schemes, hidden lineages, and cosmic prophecies; Tarkovsky’s world is modest, shabby, and claustrophobic. The film’s conversations are long, meandering, and sometimes self‑indulgent, but they also reveal the quiet desperation of people who feel spiritually stuck. The Writer confesses he’s tired of being celebrated for his work, the Scientist quietly fears being obsolete, and the Stalker agonizes over whether his faith is just a delusion that keeps him from a normal life. Their journey through the Zone is framed as a kind of pilgrimage, but the film undercuts the idea that pilgrimage guarantees enlightenment. The final scenes, returning to the Stalker’s home and his sickly daughter, complicate the idea of “fulfillment” even further. The Zone may have changed them, but it doesn’t heal them in the way a simpler hero’s‑journey narrative would pretend it does.
Tarkovsky’s approach to pacing and atmosphere also feels like a spiritual cousin to the way later sci‑fi filmmakers try to balance spectacle with contemplation. Directors like Denis Villeneuve, who has openly admired Stalker, use long, slow shots and carefully composed landscapes to give weight to inner psychological states. Dune (2021) and Dune: Part Twoborrow from Tarkovsky’s bag of tricks—long silences, oppressive sound design, and an almost religious reverence for the environment—but they still wrap that atmosphere around a more conventional plot and character arc. Stalker, by contrast, barely clings to plot at all. It’s closer to a walking meditation, where the real action is happening in the pauses between lines of dialogue, in the way the camera hovers over a puddle or a rusted pipe as if it’s discovering something sacred in the mundane.
In the end, Stalker feels less like a straightforward sci‑fi film and more like a religious parable wearing the costume of genre. It asks the same questions that Dune subtly raises—what do we truly want, what are we willing to sacrifice for it, and how much do we actually understand ourselves—but it answers them with hesitation, doubt, and a kind of exhausted tenderness. The Zone isn’t a promised land; it’s a confession booth. The Room isn’t a magic button; it’s a mirror. And the Stalker himself isn’t a fearless explorer, but a broken man who keeps leading others into the dark because he can’t stop believing that, somewhere in that darkness, there might be a flicker of grace that could make it all worth it. If Dune is about the myth of destiny, Stalker is about the fragile, uncertain labor of faith in a world that keeps looking more like a ruined factory than a cathedral.
Today’s song of the day comes to use from 1959’s Ben-Hur. Here is the Overture, composed by the great Miklós Rózsa.