Insomnia File #56: Exterminators of the Year 3000 (dir by Giuliano Carmineo)

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or Netflix? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you’re having trouble getting to sleep tonight, you might want to try going to over to YouTube and doing a search for a 1983 Italian film called Exterminators of the Year 3000. It won’t cure your insomnia. In fact, it’s such a peculiar film that it will probably keep you awake for the rest of the night. However, you will be having fun. Seriously, if you can’t sleep, you might as well have fun.

The film’s plot will be familiar to anyone who has seen The Road Warrior or Mad Max: Fury Road. Due to a series of nuclear wars, society has collapsed. The world is an arid wasteland. Some survivors live in tiny communities. Others drive motorcycles across the desert and prey on anyone that they can find. Water is the most valuable commodity in this world. The second most important thing to have is a good car. Your car can be the difference between life and death.

Fortunately, Alien (Robert Iannucci) has a good car. Unfortunately, Alien keeps losing it. Alien is a wasteland drifter who spends half of the film looking for his car and the other half of the film helping a kid named Tommy (Luca Venantini) search for water for his community. Tommy has a bionic arm. When he’s captured by a group of evil bikers led by Crazy Bull (Fred Harris), his bionic arm gets ripped off. In one of the strangest scenes that I’ve ever seen, Alien use duct tape to reattach the arm. If that’s not odd enough, it also appears that he accidentally attached the arm upside down.

That’s just one of the many weird details that sets Exterminators of the Year 3000 apart from all of the other Italian Mad Max rip-offs. There’s also the fact that Alien eventually and somewhat randomly runs into his ex-girlfriend, who looks like a model and, for some reason, is named Trash (Alicia Moro). Alien and Trash agree to help Tommy but, the entire time, Alien keeps casually suggesting that maybe they should just abandon Tommy and take all the water for themselves. This isn’t one of those things where Alien is just pretending to be a cynic, either. The film leaves little doubt that Alien would have no problem just abandoning Tommy and taking the water for himself. Even if Trash can convince Alien not to sell out the kid, they’re still going to have to fight a group of people who are all dressed like the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. While Alien and Trash travel to get the water, Tommy gets a new arm that’s so strong that he can literally throw a piece of metal into someone’s forehead even while standing a few yards away. Tommy also has a gerbil, which is not only cute but, in something of a rarity for an Italian exploitation film from the 80s, manages to survive the entire film. (Seriously, I instinctively cringe whenever I see a cute animal in an Italian film from the 80s because I’ve seen enough of them to know what’s probably going to end up happening.)

Of course, Crazy Bull and his bikers continually show up and cause trouble. Fred Harris gives such an enjoyably over-the-top performance that not even the usual bad dubbing can hurt it. For whatever reason, Crazy Bull refers to his gang as the Mothergrabbers. How can you not love a film that featured the main villain shouting, “Into battle, my merry band of Mothergrabbers!?”

Exterminators of the Year 3000 is a fun movie. The action moves quickly. There are lot of explosions. The villains all snarl with panache. There are plenty of slow motion shots of cars crashing. And there’s enough odd moments to keep things interesting. The film even ends with a sudden miracle. How could anyone resist? This is Italian exploitation as it most entertaining.