Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.16 “Battle of the Bands”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, it’s a musical conflict!

Episode 5.16 “Battle of the Bands”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 31st, 1982)

Jon Baker cannot understand the appeal of punk rock.  He says that the punk rockers all seem to be suburban kids so why are they so angry?  They’re not from “the ghetto,” as Baker puts it.

“Suburbs can be a ghetto too, Jon.” Grossie says.

Grossie, who is definitely my favorite member of the Highway Patrol, explains that he likes to keep up with youth culture and, as a result, he understands the difference between Punk and New Wave.  Punk rockers have fans who slam dance while New Wave bands have fans who pogo.  Grossie demonstrates how to do each dance while the other members of the Highway Patrol watch.  When Getraer demands to know why Grossie is slamming himself against the lockers in the locker room, Grossie proceeds to hop out of the room.

This is all important information for Baker to have because there’s a Battle of the Bands coming up.  New Waver Snow Pink (Susan Richardson) is eager to win but her guitars were recently stolen out of her band’s van.  Unfortunately, Snow Pink has been targeted by Pain, a punk band that is led by Thrasher (William Forsythe).  Thrasher doesn’t care about making good music.  All he wants to do is cause trouble!

Now, I will say that Thrasher is kind of intimidating.  That’s more due to him being played by a young William Forsythe than anything else.  He’s a “punk,” which, in the world of CHiPs, means that he has a mohawk and his two bandmates have shaved heads.  (If anything, they look more like Neo-Nazis than punk rockers.  Johnny Rotten would have kicked them out of a moving car.)  That said, when Thrasher flicks his lighter and talks about trashing the club, you believe that there’s a very good chance that he’ll do just that.  Fortunately, the Highway Patrol is there to stop him.

Now, as you probably already guessed, there was no way that CHiPs was going to do a Battle of the Bands episode without giving Ponch a band.  Ponch competes and he sings Kool & The Gang’s Celebration.  It’s disco vs punk vs new wave!  Of course, punk doesn’t really get to compete because the band is arrested.  And Ponch really can’t win because then his character would have an excuse to leave the show.  So, it’s not a shock when Snow Pink wins the Battle of the Bands.

To be absolutely honest, this episode was surprisingly fun.  It was definitely an episode of its era, embracing both music and the moral panic of the 80s.  The punks were unconvincing.  Snow Pink was actually a pretty good singer.  Estrada flashed that blinding grin while singing disco.  Baker once again comes close to getting a romantic subplot.  Grossie gets a monologue about the ideology of punk rock.  What’s not to like?  Bury this episode in the ground because it’s a time capsule!

One final note: Baker, at one point, says that Ponch might leave the Highway Patrol to pursue his musical career.  It’s impossible not to hear the note of hope in Larry Wilcox’s voice.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.15 “Bright Flashes”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, it’s lasers and horses in Los Angeles!

Episode 5.15 “Bright Flashes”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 17th, 1982)

Two dorky university science students — Scotty (Mark L. Taylor) and Richard (Jerry Houser) — have invented a laser that they use to temporarily blind people before robbing them.  They blind Ponch in the middle of a race.  They blind a group of people in front of a bank.  The only person they don’t blind is old cowboy actor Wayne Cato (George Lindsay) but, when Wayne doesn’t chase after them, everyone except for Baker treats him like he’s a coward.

Uhmm, excuse me …. the man is in his sixties!  It’s not his responsibility to go chasing after every crook in Los Angeles.  Maybe the Highway Patrol should do their job!

Wayne feels so guilty that he does chase the robber when they show up to rob yet another bank that he’s standing in front of.  Baker joins in and gets to live his fantasy of ditching his motorcycle for a horse.

This episode was a rare case of Baker getting to the be the main character even though Erik Estrada was healthy and present as Ponch.  It was a bit of a silly episode.  Why everyone got so angry with Wayne Cato was never really explained.  (What was a 60-something retired cowboy to do?)  The funniest thing was the ultra cheap laser special effects, none of which seemed to land anywhere near anyone’s eyes.

Again, it was a silly episode.  But at least Baker got to ride a horse.

Icarus File No. 26: The Teheran Incident (dir by Leslie H. Martinson)


1979’s The Teheran Incident opens with a daring theft.  A cruise missile with a nuclear warhead is stolen from a Russian military demonstration and somehow transported to pre-Islamic Revolution Iran.  (I say somehow because I’m not really sure how one moves a cruise missile from one country to another without anyone noticing.)  The plot was masterminded by the Baron (Curd Jurgens), an international criminal who lives on a yacht.  With the help of Professor Nikolaeff (John Carradine, making no effort to sound Russian), the Baron plans to use the missile to blow up a conference that’s being held in Iran.

When an American diplomat is murdered after discovering the Baron’s plan, American spy Alec Franklin (Peter Graves) is sent to Teheran to investigate.  Alec teams up with KGB agent Konstantine Senyonov (Michael Dante, who makes even less effort than John Carradine to sound or even come remotely across as being Russian).  Together, they investigate the Baron’s operations, which means spending a lot of time wandering around Tehran while a “wacka wacka” beat plays in the background.  They also spend a lot of time in a casino because all international criminals own a casino.  The Baron, I might add, is such a diabolical villain that he actually hides a cruise missile underneath his casino.

The Teheran Incident is an example of what I like to call “James Bond On A Budget.”  In the 60s, 70s, and 80s, the Bond films were a big deal and they inspired a slew of imitators.  Most of these imitation Bond films were made by people who really couldn’t afford to spend the millions of dollars that went into the Bond films.  What’s important though is that they still tried.  It’s hard not to appreciate the effort that goes into trying to recreate a luxurious casino without going bankrupt.  The film has the ambitions of Las Vegas and the look of Reno and it’s hard not to look at it and say, “Well, at least they tried.  They didn’t give up, even if maybe they should have.”  Also, as was the case with many of the budget Bonds, the producers were able to get at least Bond veteran to appear in the film.  In The Spy Who Loved Me, Curd Jurgens stole a nuclear missile and got shot in the crotch for his trouble.  In The Teheran Incident, Curd Jurgens steals a nuclear missile and gets to hang out on a yacht with his mistress and collection of pinch-faced henchmen.  Along with both films featuring Jurgens as their main villain, both films also feature a villainous plot that doesn’t really make much sense.  But only The Teheran Incident has John Carradine!

As for our heroes, Peter Graves does his job with his usual stoic professionalism while Michael Dante comes across like he’s never even picked up War and Peace, much lest read it.  The true star of the film is the disco soundtrack, which is entertainingly out-of-place and impossible to get out of our head..  This is a bad film that you can dance to!

Apparently, the pre-Mullah Iranian government enthusiastically helped with the production of The Teheran Incident, hoping for a popular film that would bring tourists to Iran.  Unfortunately, before the film was released, the Iranian government fell to the Islamic Revolution.  (I guess it’s a good thing we took care of that cruise missile.)  Needless to say, when it was finally released, The Teheran Incident did not do much to help Iranian tourism.

Previous Icarus Files:

  1. Cloud Atlas
  2. Maximum Overdrive
  3. Glass
  4. Captive State
  5. Mother!
  6. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
  7. Last Days
  8. Plan 9 From Outer Space
  9. The Last Movie
  10. 88
  11. The Bonfire of the Vanities
  12. Birdemic
  13. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection 
  14. Last Exit To Brooklyn
  15. Glen or Glenda
  16. The Assassination of Trotsky
  17. Che!
  18. Brewster McCloud
  19. American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally
  20. Tough Guys Don’t Dance
  21. Reach Me
  22. Revolution
  23. The Last Tycoon
  24. Express to Terror 
  25. 1941

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.13 “Breaking Point”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch worries that he’s lost his touch.

Episode 5.13 “Breaking Point”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 3rd, 1982)

While pursuing a car thief, Ponch loses control of his motorcycle and crashes through the glass door of a jewelry store.  He smashes into a display case and finds himself trapped underneath a shelf of jagged glass.  One wrong move and he could lose his head!

Now, Baker and the other cops are able to rescue Ponch and move the display case.  Still, the experience leaves Ponch so shaken that he starts to doubt himself.  He starts to find excuses to not go out on his bike.  He does paperwork back at headquarters.  He claims that his bike has a vibration.  The other members of the Highway Patrol start to whisper that Ponch is not pulling his weight.  Getraer tells Ponch to take some vacation time and to get his head together.

Ponch’s sister, Patti (Maria O’Brien), is visiting.  She’s a nurse but, like Ponch, she’s having doubts about her job.  She would rather be a model, despite not being particularly attractive.  Ponch isn’t happy about Patti giving up her career but he does arrange for Patti to spend some time with Jon’s model girlfriend, Christy (Mary Angela Young).  While Patti and Christy are chatting, a man has a heart stroke and Patti saves his life.  Patti realizes that her job is important and this leads to Ponch deciding that his job is important too.

I’m going to guess that this was designed to be Erik Estrada’s Emmy episode.  Estrada does his best to capture Ponch’s uncertainty and his conflicted emotions but the thing with Erik Estrada is that you look at him and you just can’t believe he’s ever had a moment of self-doubt in his entire life.  By the end of the episode, Ponch is back on his bike and flashing his big smile and there was never any doubt that he would be.

Even with Estrada hamming it up for the Emmy judges, this episode found room for two slo mo of doom accidents.  How anyone could have survived the second accident, I have no idea.  And yet, it appears that there weren’t any serious injuries.  I guess we should be thankful for that!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.10 “Fast Money”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch is back!

Episode 5.10 “Fast Money”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on December 5th, 1981)

This is getting weird.

After being either absent or only appearing in one or two scenes over the past few episodes, Ponch returns this week.  He’s once again on active duty, patrolling the California highways with Baker.  As much as I notice and joke about the obvious disdain that Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox held for each other, they do make a surprisingly good team.  They just seem to belong together.  If I’ve learned anything over the past few weeks, it’s that Larry Wilcox needed Estrada’s flamboyance and that Erik Estrada needed Wilcox’s cool professionalism.  They balanced each other out.

With Ponch (and Estrada) back, there’s really no reason for Steve McLeish to stick around.  And yet, during this episode — there he was!

He didn’t really have anything to do.  Ponch and Baker were after some van-driving engineers who were using a hydraulic lift to hijack other cars.  When they figured out which company had developed the hydraulics being used in the crime wave, Steve called the company’s chairman.  (Steve says the chairman of the board is an old friend and no one acts surprise.  I’m guessing maybe that was an inside joke or some sort of reference to the Olympics.)  Later, Steve showed them a mansion that was fixing up so he could flip it.  The scenes felt awkward and not just because of the Caitlyn Jenner’s total lack of acting ability.  There really wasn’t any reason for them to be in the episode.  There was no reason for Steve to be around.  Ponch and Baker should have been out there, taking down those nerdy engineers and warning people about the dangers of technology.  Instead, they were having to make time to hang out with Steve.

As I watched this episode, it occurred to me that maybe Caitlyn Jenner just refused to go home.  Maybe Jenner showed up on set and wouldn’t leave until the writers wrote Steve a few scenes.  That theory is really the only one that makes sense.

Anyway, this episode had a few good car crashes.  The hydraulic lift was incredibly silly and so was Harlan’s suggestion that they could catch the thieves by tricking them into trying to lift a car that was weighted down with rocks.  There was also a big subplot that was centered around Ponch trying to get the shower fixed in his apartment.  I always like it whenever the show finds an excuse to show us either Ponch or Jon’s apartment.  The wood paneling and the shag carpeting amuses me.  They should have called this show Disco Cops.

According to the imdb, next week will be Jenner’s final episode.  So, we’ll see how the saga of Steve McLeish comes to an end.  I think he’s going to get arrested for taking payoffs from the mob.  We’ll see if I’m right!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.8 “Diamond In The Rough”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Who will be Jon’s partner this week?  Read on to find out.

Episode 5.8 “Diamond in the Rough”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on November 22nd, 1981)

Erik Estrada is not in this episode which means that a pre-transition Caitlyn Jenner is back as Officer Steve McLeish.  Yay!  Jenner is just as off-putting and unconvincing as the last time that he appeared on this show.  Unfortunately, it appears that the show’s producers picked up on the fact that he wasn’t a particularly good (or even appealing) actor and, as a result, neither Jon nor Steve do much in this episode.  It’s almost as if the show’s producer didn’t realize that Jenner’s inability to show emotion or deliver his lines without smiling like a goofball was the most entertaining thing about the episodes without Estrada.

Instead, the episode is split between a veteran thief (Henry Jones) plotting his next robbery and an angry kid named Pat (Nicky Katt, in one of his first roles) who stays with the Getraers while his mother is recovering after a car accident.  As the car accident was caused by the thief’s car, Pat is in a position where he can identify the thief.  But first, Pat has to stop getting angry at everyone.

This episode didn’t add up too much.  The whole thing felt a bit half-baked and one gets the feeling that the script was hastily thrown together so that it wouldn’t require Estrada (who was recovering from a stunt-gone-wrong at the time) while, at the same time, it also wouldn’t require Jenner to do much more other than stand around and direct traffic.  Robert Pine gets to do a bit more than usual, which is good because he was the best actor on the show.  But still, on the whole, this just didn’t feel like a proper episode of CHiPs.

One final note: Nicky Katt was really good as Pat.  Most child actors tend to go overboard and come across as being cutesy.  Katt, on the other hand, seemed to be sincerely angry in the role of Pat.  Your heart really broke for him.  Even as a child actor, Katt was a smart and intuitive actor.  He is definitely missed.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.4 “The Killer Indy”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Baker has a new partner!

Episode 5.4 “The Killer Indy”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on October 25th, 1981)

When a group of bikers start holding illegal street races, Getraer wants it stopped before someone is seriously hurt!  Jon Baker and his partner Steve McLeish decide to end the races by any means necessary, especially since Steve’s brothers are involved….

Wait, who?

Played by a pre-transition Caitlyn Jenner, Steve McLeish serves as Baker’s partner in this episode.  We don’t really get much of an introduction as to who Steve is or why he’s even riding with Baker.  Everyone just acts as if Steve has always been there.  Ponch is not even mentioned and it’s difficult not to notice that Larry Wilcox seems a bit more cheerful than usual in this episode.  For once, he’s the one who gets to do all of the cool stuff while everyone else watches.

This was the first of several episodes that Erik Estrada missed during the fifth season, the result of being injured during a stunt gone wrong.  Jenner, who was then best-known as an Olympian, was brought in to play Steve McLeish.  Judging from this episode, Jenner was a remarkably bad actor.  Compared to everyone else in the episode, Jenner comes across as being awkward and stiff.  Like many nonprofessional actors, it’s obvious that Jenner was not sure what do when not delivering dialogue.  Jenner stands there, hands awkwardly positioned and occasionally trying to react to the other actors.  It’s really almost painful to watch.

It’s obvious that this episode was written with Ponch in mind.  Like Ponch, Steve has two brothers and used to be a motorcycle-racing delinquent when he was younger.  His older brother (who is played by the legendary character actor Robert F. Lyons) is named Toro, which might make sense if he was Ponch’s brother but, as it is, you really do have to wonder about the parents who would name one son Toro and the other sons Steve and Ted.  Ted, incidentally, is played by Kevyn Major Howard.  Howard, Lyons and Jenner have next to no features in common, leading one to wonder how they could possibly all be members of the same family?

There was some good motorcycle chase action in this episode.  There was also so much dialogue about the importance of wearing a helmet that, as soon as the gang’s leader announced he didn’t need a helmet, the most viewers had to know that he was doomed to ultimately be thrown from his motorcycle and crash headfirst into the pavement.  “He hit his head,” Getraer says and that’s the last we hear about the guy.

As for this episodes comedic subplot, Grossman begged his fellow patrol people to join him and his nieces at the waterpark.  While Baker, Steve, and everyone else took care of his nieces, Grossman hung out with his two bikini-clad neighbors.  Grossman winked at the camera as the CHiPs theme music started to play.

And so, it’s another day in L.A….

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.21 “A Special Operation”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, the fourth season comes to an end.

Episode 4.21 “A Special Operation”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson., originally aired on May 17th, 1981)

Season 4 comes to an odd end with A Special Operation.

Getraer is injured when he crashes his motorcycle.  He takes a piece of metal to the face and he nearly loses his eyesight.  Luckily, the abrasive but brilliant Dr. Patterson (James Sloyan) is able to save both Getraer’s eye and his ability to see with it.  However, the idealistic young Dr. Rhodes (A Martinez) worries that Patterson may have missed something.  Can Patterson set aside his ego long enough to listen to his younger colleague?

Hey, wait a minute, isn’t this CHiPs?

I don’t have any way to prove this but there’s a part of me that strongly suspects the season finale of CHiPs was also a backdoor pilot for a medical show.  So much time is spent with Patterson, Rhodes, and the nurses at the local hospital that it just feels like there was some hope that viewers would call in and demand to see more of Dr. Rhodes.  A Martinez even gives a very Erik Estrada-style performance in the role of Rhodes.

Speaking of Estrada, he’s barely in this episode.  (Ponch, we’re told, is preparing for to testify in a big court case.)  It largely falls to Jon Baker to stop the assassin (Eugene Butler) who has been hired to try to take Getraer out of commission.  This, of course, leads to the assassin stealing an ambulance and Baker chasing him.  The ambulance flips over in slow motion but somehow, the assassin survives to that Baker can arrest him.

It was a strange end for a season that’s largely been dominated by Erik Estrada and his performance as Ponch.  (Larry Wilcox, I will say, looked happy to have the finale to himself.)  For the most part, Season 4 was an uneven season.  The writing so favored Estrada over Wilcox that the show sometimes felt like it was turning into a parody of itself.  The show that started out about two partners on motorcycles became a show about how Ponch could literally walk on water and do no wrong.

Next week, we start season 5!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.18 “The Hawk and the Hunter”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we finally meet Barizca’s family.

Episode 4.18 “The Hawk and the Hunter”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on April 5th, 1981)

In this episode, we learn a little bit more about Officer Barizca.  Played by Brodie Greer, Barizca has been an important member of the ensemble since the first season but, up until this point, we really haven’t learned much about his life outside of driving a patrol car and directing traffic at crash sites.

It turns out that Barizca’s father, Pete (Sandy McPeak), is a crop duster.  When it becomes clear that Pete is getting too old to fly his airplane, Barizca takes a leave of absence from the Highway Patrol so that he can help out.  Hopefully, Barizca will find the courage to finally tell his father that it’s time to retire.

Meanwhile, there’s an environmentalist nutjob named Lyle (Dwight Schultz) who is convinced that the Barizcas are spreading poison with their airplane.  Lyle has been sending threats to Pete so, eventually Barizca flies over Lyle and covers him in pesticide to help the Highway Patrol arrest him.  So, I guess Lyle really is going to die now.

At the end of the episode, Pete retires and Barizca returns to patrolling the highways.

This was an okay episode, in that the scenery was nice and I did appreciate that the show made an effort to focus on something other than Ponch being the best at everything.  Dwight Shultz was believably unhinged as Lyle and there was an interesting tension between him and Baker as both of them were Vietnam vets.  Unfortunately, the Barizcas themselves just weren’t that interesting.  This episode was a case of “You’ve seen one strained father-son relationship, you’ve seen them all.”

That said, I hope next week’s episode will introduce us to Grossman’s family.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.16 “Karate”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch reveals even more hidden talents!

Episode 4.16 “Karate”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on March 8th, 1981)

Ponch and Baker have been assigned to patrol Ponch’s old neighborhood.  Ponch says that he feels as if he can see a ghost on every corner.  Baker laughs and says that at least they have an easy assignment.

Not so fast, Baker!

Andy Macedon (Lewis Van Bergen) is paying teenagers to steal dirt bikes for him.  Macedon went to school with Ponch.  Macedon was a few years ahead of him and he was always a bully.  Now, Macedon is setting up a crime ring.  He’s even got Donny Bonaduce working for him!

Ponch’s solution?  Ponch decides to encourage the neighborhood kids to come to the local youth center by having Bonnie teach gymnastics while Ponch teaches karate.  Are you surprised to discover that, on top of everything else, Ponch knows karate?  You shouldn’t be.  You’re watching….

Admittedly, it doesn’t start off well.  When Andy Macedon comes down to the Youth Center and personally challenges Ponch to a fight, Ponch backs off.  He does it because he doesn’t want to make trouble for the Youth Center but the kids view him as being a coward.  If Ponch is ever going to stop Andy Macedon and keep young Rivas (Mario Marcelino) from falling under Macedon’s evil spell, he’s going to have to beat Andy in a karate street fight with everyone watching.

And that’s exactly what Ponch does.  Why?  Because it’s the Ponch Show and there is nothing that Ponch cannot do!

This episode featured a combination of bass-heavy music and not just Erik Estrada but also Danny Bonaduce doing karate moves so you know it was a classic.  I related to Terri (Kari Michealson), the teenager who couldn’t decide if she wanted to be a gymnast or a criminal.  I went through the same thing when I was 16.  Ballet or crime?  Crime or ballet?  I compromised by shoplifting makeup after my dance classes.

There is nothing Ponch can’t do.  Never forget.