Today’s song of the day comes from the score to Nicholas Ray’s 1961 Biblical epic, King of Kings.
Tag Archives: review
Late Night Retro Television Review: Hunter 1.15 “The Beach Boy”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Hunter, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1991. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week, someone is killing criminals in Los Angeles and, for once, it’s not Rick Hunter!
Episode 1,15 “The Beach Boy”
(Dir by Richard Colla, originally aired on April 6th, 1985)
A Hawaiian drug lord is angered when five Los Angeles drug dealers decide to stop dealing his product. So, he sends his main assassin — Wes “Beach Boy” Kapano (Brett Clark) — to L.A. to kill all five of them. Hunter and McCall find themselves in the strange position of providing productive custody to the dealers while trying to stop Kapano.
This was a typical “chase-em-and-shoot-em” episode of Hunter. Dee Dee even managed to get shot for the second time this season. (And, once again, it didn’t seem to actually hurt her. “I’m fine!”) For the first season, at least, Hunter kept things simple. In between the flirtatious Hunter/McCall banter, there would be at least one car chase and three shootings.
What sets this episode apart is that Hunter and McCall are protecting drug dealers. While McCall makes it clear that she doesn’t actually care what happens to the dealers, Hunter’s feelings are a bit more ambivalent. He’s been chasing the dealers for so long that he’s developed a grudging affection for them. When one of them is killed while helping the police, Hunter’s actually upset about it.
The other thing that sets this episode apart was Brett Clark’s intimidating turn as the assassin. The Beach Boy, as he’s called, doesn’t waste too much time with conversations. He doesn’t brag about how clever he is or go to a lot of trouble trying to fool anyone. Instead, he just shows up and starts firing. He wears a bulletproof vest, as well. McCall shoots him twice and he barely flinches. He’s a scary dude!
That said, Hunter still manages to kill him. How many people have been killed by Rick Hunter so far? I’ve lost track. Most officers are suspended after a shooting so that the shooting board can rule whether or not it was justified. Hunter is always back on the streets within an hour of killing someone. Considering how quick he is with a gun, I probably wouldn’t want to tell him he was suspended either.
Much like Hunter and McCall, this episode was brutal and efficient.
Retro Television Review: America 2100 1.1 “Pilot”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! This Thursdays, I will be reviewing America 2100, which aired its only episode on ABC in 1979. The show can be found on YouTube!
Episode 1.1 “Pilot”
(Directed by Joel Zwick, originally aired on July 24th, 1979)
In 1979, it appears that the comedy team of Chester Barnes (Jon Cutler) and Phil Kreese (Mark King) are on the verge of breaking up. Tired of not finding success and struggling to pay the bills, Chester is thinking of moving home and working for his uncle’s refrigeration company. Phil begs Chester to reconsider. Chester finally agrees to sleep on it. To help him sleep, Phil suggests warm milk and sleeping pills. Chester and Phil go to bed in their small apartment….
….and wake up in 2100!
As the cheery Dr. Karen Harland (Karen Valentine) explains, Chester and Phil died in 1979 but, through the use of science, they’ve been brought back to life! What is 2100 like?
It’s a lot like the 70s, just a little bit tackier.
The Future!
At first, Chester and Phil claim that there were the leaders of America in 1979. When Karen says that the mysterious Max takes a dim view of lying, Chester and Phil admit that they were two unemployed losers. When they ask who Max is, Karen explains that Max is in charge and that everyone has to do what Max is.
Max is a robot, though it’s not a good idea to call him that. He prefers to be called a — wait for it — “computer.” Max speaks with the voice of Sid Caesar. Every child is brought before Max and told what they’re going to do with the rest of your life. “You’ll be a microbiologist,” Max says to one child. “You’ll be a female impersonator,” he says to another. Eventually, Chester and Phil are brought before Max.
“You two will be museum exhibits,” Max says.
Chester and Phil are not happy about that. They want to be in show business! Back at their apartment, they explain to Karen that she’s living a life where there is no freedom and, without free will, life is meaningless. Karen admits that she secretly wants to be a tap dancer. She then shows off a few of her tap dancing moves and the audiences goes wild and the end credits roll.
Wow, I wonder what type of wacky adventures Chest and Phil had in the future!?
Well, they didn’t have any adventures. This pilot aired once and it didn’t lead to a series. Watching the pilot, I could see why the show didn’t work. The two leads were miscast and they both played their roles very broadly. When you’ve already got Sid Caesar providing the voice of a rolling computer, you really don’t need anyone else in the cast to go overboard. It also didn’t help that Chester and Phil seemed to be pretty much interchangeable as characters. The only thing that really distinguished one from the other was that Chester was the one with dark hair.
That said, I am a big believer in personal freedom and I appreciated that this show attempted to make the case for allowing people to be creative and to even screw up occasionally. An America where everyone compliantly takes orders from a computer may have seemed unbelievable in 1979 but it’s a bit more plausible in 2026. Max is basically a less cranky version of Bernie Sanders so it was fun to see someone tell him off, even if it was just Chester and Phil.
Song of the Day: Andy Warhol from David Bowie
Today’s song of the day comes from David Bowie and it’s about Bowie’s fascination with Andy Warhol. Warhol himself apparently didn’t care for this song but Bowie meant it as a tribute.
This song came out in 1971. 25 years later, Bowie would play Andy Warhol in Basquiat.
Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.11 “Final Bow”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
This week, yet another new player joins the Bulls.
Episode 4.11 “Final Blow”
(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on December 14th, 1988)
Bubba’s fighting with his wife again! Maybe Jethro can fix things by sending her a fur coat, along with a card claiming that the coat is a gift from Bubba. Yes, that really is one of the main storylines on this week’s episode. If nothing else, you can always count on 1st & Ten to keep things simple.
As for the other storyline, the Bulls have signed Olympic runner Moses Jackson (Peter Parros) to the team. Moses’s agent (Calvin Lockhart), who is obviously meant to be a stand-in for Don King, announces that Moses is both the fastest man on the planet and also the world’s greatest athlete. For his part, Moses doesn’t even want to play football. He’s terrified of getting tackled.
Wide Receiver Coleman King (Richard Lawson) is scared that he’s going to lose his job to Moses. Even though Coleman had never been seen or mentioned before last week’s episode, he is apparently an old friend of TD Parker (OJ Simpson). TD is not so secretly in love with Coleman’s wife, Della (Vanessa Bell Calloway). When a depressed Coleman goes to Bulls Stadium with a gun, it’s up to TD to turn on the charm and convince Coleman that violence is never the answer. TD tells Coleman that he can’t play forever and he has to start thinking about what he wants to do once his athletic career is over. Coleman decides that he would like to be a teacher. TD takes Coleman’s gun and drives Coleman home in his Bronco.
During the next game, Moses turns out to be a bust. Every time he gets the ball, he gets tackled almost immediately. It’s not until the final quarter that he finally manages to break free and run for a 60 yard touchdown. However, Moses then runs into the locker room and refuses to come back out. The Bull are still down by 6 and their star player has just announced his retirement. Fortunately, Coleman King is still playing and he manages to make a last-minute, game-winning touchdown.
Yay! The Bulls remains undefeated.
After the game, TD congratulates Coleman and tells him that he picked a great way to go out. Coleman laughs and says he’s not going anywhere. He figures that he has at least another three years to go before retiring. Teaching can wait!
This was actually not a terrible episode. A lot of that is due to Richard Lawson’s empathetic performance as Coleman King. In fact, Lawson turns Coleman King into one of the few interesting characters on the series. I can’t wait to see what else he does …. oh wait. According to the imdb, this episode was the last time that either Richard Lawson or Coleman King appeared on 1st & Ten.
Oh well, I guess that’s football for you!
Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.5 “Only the Good Die Young/Honey Beats the Odds/The Light of Another Day”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Come aboard, we’re expecting you….
Episode 8.5 “Only the Good Die Young/Honey Beats the Odds/The Light of Another Day”
(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 13th, 1984)
This week, Isaac’s friend Lydia (Vernee Watson) boards the boat with her young son, Timmy (Emmanuel Lewis). Is it time for Isaac to find love? Not quite. It turns out that Isaac knew Lydia’s deceased husband. This trip is the first that Lydia and Timmy have taken since he died.
At first, Timmy is all cute and adorable. But then he overhears Isaac talking to Lydia. When Isaac mentions something about the good always dying young, Timmy decides to be bad so that he’ll live longer. Soon, he’s sneaking out of his cabin, making a mess in the kitchen, and trying to steal stuff from the gift shop. Finally, Captain Stubing and Isaac explain to him that what Isaac said was just an expression. All is forgiven!
Oh God, this storyline. I almost always respond to stories about people dealing with the loss of a parent or spouse. I did not respond at all to this story, though. Some of that is because Emmanuel Lewis’s performance as Timmy was way too cutesy. Even more of it was because this story didn’t really deal with loss in any sort of honest or authentic way. Instead, it was just some stupid kid who misunderstood something that he heard. As usual, Ted Lange really poured his heart into his performance but otherwise, this story just fell flat.
Meanwhile, blind Millie Constant (Barbara Parkins) thinks that she has randomly run into Sam Washburn (John Bennett Perry — yes, Matthew’s father). In college, before she lost her eyesight, she had a crush on Sam. What she doesn’t know is that Sam is dead and she’s actually met his younger brother, George. When Millie finally figures out that George is not Sam, how will she react? Most people, blind or not, would probably be disgusted and go out of their way to avoid George for the rest of the cruise. Millie, however, falls in love with George because this is The Love Boat! This story actually featured two good performances. Both Parkins and Perry did their best with the material they had been given to work with. But the story itself asks us to suspend our disbelief just a bit too much.
Finally, Honey Mallory (Stephanie Faracy) boards the boat with her boyfriend, bookie Jake Diamond (James Sloyan). With Jake more interested in making bets than romance, Honey starts to hang out with Miles Metcalf (Jack Riley). Jake panics when he realizes that he might lose Honey. He should also panic about the fact that Miles is a federal agent who has been secretly recording all of his conversations with Honey. This story ends on a weird note. Honey realizes that she loves Jake but Miles announce that Jake will be getting indicted at the end of the week.
All in all, this was not a memorable cruise. None of the stories worked that well and, with the exception of Ted Lange, the Love Boat cast didn’t really seem like that they were that into it this week. This was a pretty forgettable cruise.
Song of the Day: The Main Title Track From The Maltese Falcon by Adolph Deutsch
Today’s song of the day comes from 1941’s The Maltese Falcon, directed by John Huston.
Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.13 “Saving Serenity”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, Del Toro returns!
Episode 4.13 “Saving Serenity”
(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on January 10th, 1999)
When last we saw former series regular Victor Del Toro (played by Marcos A. Ferraez), he was quitting the force after nearly being indicted for killing the man who killed his fiancée. In this episode, Victor finally returns to Santa Monica.
Victor has spent the last five months wandering. He now has bleached blonde hair and a serious drinking problem. When a robber attempts to hold up the bar where Victor is getting drunk, Victor struggles with him. The thief ends up getting shot. Victor grabs the thief’s gun and runs from the bar.
Victor is on the verge of shooting himself on the pier when he sees a woman named Carmen Rios (Angela Alvarado). Carmen reveals that she’s searching for her daughter, Serenity. Serenity was taken away by her biological father. Carmen wants to find her daughter and escape to Mexico with her. Victor agrees to help.
Victor shows up at the Pacific Blue headquarters and announces that he wants to rejoin the force. But, in reality, he just wants to steal the files concerning Serenity’s whereabouts. Later, Victor fakes a bomb threat at the main police station so that he can steal another casefile. TC, Chris, and Cory all reuses to believe that Victor could be involved in anything illegal. Bobby Cruz is convinced that Victor is the one who shot the robber at the bar.
And really, Bobby has reason to be concerned about Victor’s desire to return to Pacific Blue. Victor is a young, handsome Latino who overcame a rough childhood to become a respected bike cop and he’s extremely protective of his younger sister. Bobby, who was introduced after Victor left the show, is also a young, handsome Latino who overcame a rough childhood to become a respected bike cop and he’s also extremely protective of his younger sister. Because the show’s writers were too lazy to actually come up with a new character, Bobby basically is Victor. If Victor returns, the show won’t need Bobby around anymore.
Fortunately, for Bobby, Victor is dead by the end of this episode. He reunites Carmen and Serenity and then drags Serenity’s father out to the pier. Holding a gun to the father’s head, Victor forces the man to repeat the serenity prayer. Cory, TC, and Chris all have their guns drawn. “No!” they all shout in slow motion before opening fire. Victor plunges off the pier and hits the sand below.
OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED VICTOR!
Well, it depends on how you look at it. It turns out that none of them could actually bring themselves to shoot Victor. They just shot up in the air. And then Victor …. well, who knows? The show implies that Victor jumped but, from what I saw, it looks like he was startled and fell backwards. In other words, his friends may not have shot Victor but he might still be alive if they hadn’t fired.
Victor does indeed die at the end of this episode. Wow, Pacific Blue got dark! And I do have to admit that this is actually the best episode of Pacific Blue that I’ve watched so far. Admittedly, it’s a low bar to clear but the whole episode was just so melodramatic and over-the-top that it actually managed to hold my attention in a way that this show usually doesn’t. Those three slow motion shots of people shouting, “Noooooo!” in a row really were worth the price of admission.
So, Victor’s dead. But at least Bobby’s place on the team is secure.
Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.12 “Christmas In July”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
This week, we’re back at that damn country club.
Episode 2.12 “Christmas In July”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)
The Palisades County Club is holding its annual Christmas in July celebration. Along with the employees taking part in Secret Santa, a new Snow Queen will be named. Again, this episode takes place in July. There’s no snow on the ground. The sun is bright. It’s summer in California. I can’t help but think that Santa costume that Belding is wearing is going to be getting awfully hot and smelly. Even stranger, this episode aired in October.
Seriously, Saved By The Bell, why couldn’t you just be normal?
Screech is in a panic about Secret Santa. After he learns that his girlfriend, Alison, has been given a new car by her father, club owner Big Ed (Frank Bonner), Screech wonders how his gift can possibly compete. Hey, Screech? Big Ed is her father. You’re not supposed to compete with his gifts. Anyway, Screech sells his never-bef0re-seen Scooter so that he can get Alison something expensive. Meanwhile, Alison buys Screech a rinky-dink horn for his scooter. Wow, Alison’s gift really sucked! Alison’s driving a brand new car and she still couldn’t find Screech a gift that cost more than a dollar? I guess their relationship must be all about the sex because it’s definitely not about love.
Meanwhile, Megan, Rachel, and Lindsay are competing to be Miss Snow Queen. The winner gets a scholarship! Megan is outraged when she discovers that there’s a swimsuit portion of the competition. She demands that Rachel and Lindsay join her and quit in protest. Rachel and Lindsay both say that they’re not quitting because they actually need the scholarship. Megan, who has previously been established as coming from a wealthy family, decides to stay in the pageant so she can give a speech about sexism and keep the two poor girls from going to college. Megan wins the pageant but she also apologizes for calling Rachel and Lindsay “bimbos” for not dropping out. It’s good to see that performative activism did not go out of style after Jessie graduated.
This was a dumb episode. The second season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class is a hundred times better than the first but the country club episodes still suck.
Song of the Day: Rip Her To Shreds by Blondie
She thinks she’s Brenda Starr/her nose job is real atomic….
I love this song. It makes me regret that I was born to late to experience New York in the 70s. “She’s do dull …. rip her to shreds,” is a favorite expression of mine, one that gets me strange looks from people who are not familiar with this song.
Oh well. I can live with the looks!
