Dylan Tucker | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Zack goes to war! Actually, now that I think about it, he really doesn’t. This title makes no sense.

Episode 2.2 “Zack’s War”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 15th, 1990)

Bayside High School is now home to a Cadet Corps program. Led by Lt. Chet Adams (Cylk Cozart), the Cadet Corps appears to be the same thing as the ROTC but it’s called the Cadet Corps and despite all of the attention that it receives here, it’s never mentioned again after this episode.

Slater’s dad is in the army so he can’t wait to join the Cadet Corps. Zack jokes about never joining the Cadet Corps so Belding gives him 30 Saturday detentions …. unless, Zack joins the Cadet Corps and talks all of his friends into joining. Soon, Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, Screech, Butch, and Louise are all members of the Cadet Corps. That’s …. 8 people. Wow, that’s a really weak turn-out. Zack has a lot more friends than that! Seriously, if only 8 people show up to one of my watch parties, I usually end up depressed for a week.

Anyway, you may notice some new names there. Louise is the unathletic belle of the school nerds. Butch is an apparently sociopathic bully who doesn’t want Screech talking to his girlfriend. For this episode, I guess we’re just supposed to forget that Screech has always, in the past, been in love with Lisa.

The second day of Cadet Corps, Lt. Adams announces that it’s time for an athletic competition. He allows Zack to pick the teams. Zack puts Screech, Lisa, and Louise on one team. The other team is made up of Butch, Kelly, and Jessie. Zack says Slater can lead the team with Screech, Lisa, and Louise. Lt. Adams says, “Nope,” and he puts Zack in charge of the unathletic team.

Zack gets mad at quits the Corps. Luckily, Screech visits Zack and shames him. (Zack should consider himself lucky that Screech didn’t pull a knife.) Zack rejoins the Corps and leads his team to victory, somehow!

That’s the short version of this dumb episode. This is another one of those weird episodes where an authority figure — in this case, Lt. Adams — tells Zack that, if he wins an arbitrary competition, he’ll be allowed to skip class for the rest of the year. Zack wins the competition but, when Adams says he won’t be seeing Zack anymore, Zack replies, “Why? Are you quitting?” No, Zack, you prick — you’re quitting! Except Zack doesn’t quit for some reason. He’s proud to be in the Cadet Corps.

Needless to say, the Cadet Corps are never mentioned again.

Screech has the worst friends in the world.

Episode 1.18 “Screech’s Birthday”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 14th, 1992)

Screech is upset because all of his “friends” (and his robot, Kevin) forgot his birthday. His friends decide to make it up to him by throwing him a small party in Mr. Belding’s office. However, in order to use Belding’s office, they need control of the halls so they come up with an elaborate scheme to get hall monitor Neil (Jesse Wilson) fired so that Screech can take his place. However, Screech takes his job too seriously and sends everyone to detention, including almost everyone who is supposed to be at his party.

Oh my God, what is Zack going to do!?

Zack uses the PA system to ask that Slater, Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, and Screech come to the principal’s office.

Seriously, that’s all he does.

A few thoughts:

First off, the only reason that Zack his available to call everyone to the principal’s office is because Screech doesn’t send him to detention despite the fact that he catches Zack in the hallway without a hall pass. Now, you might think Zack has immunity because he’s Screech’s best friend but Screech previously sent Lisa — the girl he loves — to detention so why would he give Zack a break? Add to that, Screech is mad at Zack for forgetting his birthday. So, I would think Zack would especially be someone that Screech would want to punish.

Secondly, why couldn’t they just throw Screech a surprise party at Zack’s house? Or Slater’s house? Or the Maxx? Or anywhere other than Belding’s office?

Third, this episode does feature two of my favorite supporting characters, Neil the nasty hall monitor and Mr. Dewey (Patrick Thomas O’Brien), the burned out teacher. Sadly, this was Neil’s only appearance.

Fourth, this episode was filmed for the first season and aired in syndication as a part of the first season but, for some reason, NBC didn’t air the episode until the fourth season. It’s really not any worse than the typical Saved By The Bell episode so it’s odd that NBC held off on airing it for so long.

Fifth, always remember your friends’s birthdays. It’s not that hard!