Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Zack becomes Nitro!

Episode 2.11 “1-800 Crushed”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 17th, 1990)

“Hello, mate.  It’s me, Nitro!”

Uhmm …. hi, Nitro.  Why do you sound like Zack Morris?

Because Zack is Nitro!

In this episode, Zack decides that the best way to become a millionaire would be to wait for his parents to die so he can inherit their money…. no, actually, he decides to start a teen advice line and charge everyone $2.00 per call.  He recruits Lisa to provide advice and Screech to …. hang out.  I don’t know what Screech is doing there, to be honest.

Lisa takes most of the calls but, whenever she gets wrapped up (“Not now, Zack, I’m talking to a girl who hates shopping!”), Zack mans the lines.  Because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he came up with the stupid idea of starting the Teenline, he calls himself Nitro and speaks with what I guess is meant to be an Australian accent.

Unfortunately, Lisa solves everyone’s problems and the phones strop ringing.  Zack fires her and then he and Screech proceed to give everyone bad advice.  Soon, the entire school is on edge.  Even worse, Zack tells Kelly’s never-before seen little sister Nikki (Laura Mooney-Hubbert) that she should do whatever it takes to win the man of her dreams.

“Mrs. Zack Morris,” Nikki dreamingly responds.

Later, when both Kelly and Nikki call the Teenline at the same time, Zack gets confused as to who is on which line and he tells Kelly to dump her boyfriend and he tells Nikki that she’s the only girl for him.

Bayside is in chaos and only Mr. Belding can fix things.  After an art class descends into chaos, Belding tells Zack, “My school will be a happy school or else.”  Bye bye, Teenline!

But what about Nikki?  Zack dresses up like a nerd and meets her at the Max.  He says that he likes insects.  Nikki likes them too!  Finally, Zack confesses that he likes Kelly.  Nikki tells Zack that he’s a loser for not being honest to begin with and she has a point.  Kelly, wearing a blonde wig, overhears the whole conversation and takes Zack back.  Nothing’s more romantic than dating a pathological liar, I guess.

This episode …. actually, I like this episode.  It’s a good example of what Saved By The Bell occasionally got right.  It’s a silly story that focuses on the chemistry between Zack & Kelly and Slater & Jessie and it does so without getting too preachy.  This episode is lightweight and cheerfully shallow and exactly what you want from Saved By The Bell.