Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.6 “Point Attack”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Eddie tries to change a young man’s life.

Episode 2.6 “Point Attack”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on October 21st, 1991)

Cort returns!

When the syndicated version of Baywatch first aired, John D. Cort (John Allen Nelson) was among the first season cast members who were no longer on the beach.  His absence was not addressed.  With this episode, we learn that he’s been in either South America, Kuwait, or Asia.  No one’s sure.  To me, it sounds like Cort’s a drug smugler.

Anyway, Cort shows up on the beach, just in time to help Eddie break up a gang fight!  Eddie, remembering his own tough past in Philadelphia, arranges for the gang members to become a part of W.A.T.A.R., a lifeguard-run program for troubled youths. This the second episode of Baywatch’s second season to feature a gang subplot.  It’s hard not to notice that whenever anyone who isn’t white shows up on this show, they’re always portrayed as being 1) poor and 2) affiliated with a gang.

Eddie hopes that he can convince gang leader Memo (Richard Coca) to change his ways.  Unfortunately, Memo’s father (Danny Trejo) wants his son to follow in his footsteps as a gang member.

When told that Memo is facing jail, his father says that’s no big deal and adds, “I did time!”

“So did I,” Eddie replies.

Eddie — do you really want to challenge Danny Trejo on the subject of prison?

On the one hand, it’s always good to see Danny Trejo and there’s a definite authenticity to his performance that the rest of this episode lacks.  At the same time, having Trejo around makes it all the more clear just how miscast Billy Warlock was a former juvenile delinquent-turned-lifeguard.  Watching this episode, I could buy Billy Warlock as someone who could save me if I was drowning.  (Thanks, Billy!)  But seeing him a graduate of the hard streets of Philadelphia?  That was a step too far.

As for the rest of this episode, Cort is far less of a rogue in this episode and he even helps out with the W.A.T.A.R. program.  (If anything John Allen Nelson seems to get all the lines that would usually have gone to David Hasselhoff, who is barely in this episode.)  When Eddie catches Memo trying to steal from the locker room, there’s a chase scene that goes on for so long that I was literally wondering if Eddie and Memo were eventually going to end up back at Baywatch Headquarters.  I’m all for a good action scene but this chase went on for so long that it verged on parody and left me wondering if maybe the show’s director realized, at the last minute, that the episode needed padding.

Unfortunately, Danny Trejo and David Hasselhoff don’t share any scenes in this episode.  As mentioned earlier, the Hoff is barely in it!  That seems like a missed opportunity to me.

 

Song of the Day: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly — Main Theme (composed by Ennio Morricone)


Today’s song of the day is the main theme from Leone’s best-known film, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Ennio Morricone’s score is as much of a character in this film as the ones played by Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach, and Lee Van Cleef.  It perfectly sets the moods, telling us that we’re about to see something that is truly epic.  The opening notes, which have so often been parodied but which have never lost their power, truly capture the feel of Sergio Leone’s mythical vision of the old west.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 2.15 “Prime Cut”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

This week, it’s flesh-eating time!

Episode 2.15 “Prime Cut”

(Dir by David Calloway, originally aired on January 21st, 1990)

Tony Dow plays a hiker who worries that his guide (Sandal Bergman) might actually be a vampire.  Every few minutes, Dow either spots Bergman drinking blood or preparing to drink blood but then, just as suddenly, he wakes up.  Finally, he wakes up one final time and discovers that he’s actually been having feverish visions because he was in a plane crash and is now stranded in the wilderness.  He and Bergman are the only survivors of the crash and they’ve resorted to eating bodies of the other passengers.  Dow’s wife (Amy Lyndon) eventually stumbles on the two during her own abortive attempt to provide a rescue.  Uh-oh, will she now have to eat human flesh as well?

Ugh, this episode.  Both storylines had potential but they really didn’t go anywhere.  This was one of those episodes where, every few minutes, something weird would happen and then we would immediately cut to someone waking up.  While I understand that the dreams were a part of the show’s trademark, the episode still overused them.  It was far more dull than any show featuring Tony Down and Sandahl Bergman as cannibals had any right to be.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 3.22 “Tears of a Clown”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

Send in the clowns….

Episode 3.22 “Tears of a Clown”

(Dir by Janet Greek, originally aired on March 13th, 1985)

Do you like clowns?

Then this episode is for you because there are clowns all over the hospital!  When Dr. Chandler tells circus clown Bonko (Gina Hecht) that she should quit the circus because she has MS, her fellow clowns all show up at the hospital to support her.  And yes, they wear their clown makeup!  Bonko’s partner, Corky (Dennis Dugan), understands that Bonko is a born performer.  As the episode ends, Bonko and Crky perform in an elevator and cheer up Andrea Fordham (Ann Hearn), Dr. Caldwell’s plastic surgery patient.  Having had her declaration of love rejected by Bobby, Andrea could definitely use the cheering up.

Dr. Morrison needs some cheering up to.  Working as a resident, a medical student, and a single father is a lot of pressure and his relationship with Clancy (played by Helen Hunt) isn’t bring him much relief.  Morrison is suffering from insomnia and headaches and popping pills.  He’s late to a timed exam and flunks.  I swear, Morrison can never get a break.  The only thing keeping him from being the most depressing character on the show is that Westphall somehow always seem to be even more afflicted with melancholy.

This episode features Westphall finally finding a condo that he can move into.  He’s accompanied by Dr. Craig and they are mistaken for a couple by the realtor.  Craig looks annoyed.  Westphall looks glum.  Westphall always looks glum!

Finally, Elliot discovers that Mrs. Hufnagle left him her entire meager estate.  It’s also now his responsibility to spread her ashes.

After last week’s dramatic and emotional episode, this week felt rather lowkey.  How you react to this episode will probably depend on how much tolerance you have for clowns.

It was an okay episode, even if it did ultimately feel like filler.  After last week’s emotion-packed installment, this episode served to remind us that life goes on, even after Hufnagle dies and Shirley Daniels pulls a gun on everyone.  That’s just the way things are in the city of Boston.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Hunter 1.7 “Pen Pals”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Hunter, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Hunter goes to jail!

Episode 1.7 “Pen Pals”

(Dir by Larry Stewart, originally aired on November 16th, 1984)

Rick Hunter, murderer!

Well, not quite.  It is true that someone used Hunter’s gun to assassinate a drug dealer but, at the time of the shooting, Hunter was helping a woman who came by his apartment and said that her car had broken down.  It’s a set up!  But, because Hunter  threatened to kill the drug dealer earlier and he’s killed around 20 0ther people since the pilot, everyone assumes that he’s guilty.  He’s sent to jail for 72 hours.  McCall, forced to partner up with the charming but incompetent Detective Glascow (Tim Thomerson),  attempts to prove that Hunter was framed.  Meanwhile, Hunter befriends one prisoner (Tracey Walter) and is targeted by another (Jack O’Halloran).

There were a few odd things about this episode.  First off, why wasn’t Hunter put in protective custody?  Everyone in the jail knew that he was a cop.  He hadn’t actually been convicted of anything.  So, what was he doing in general population?

Secondly, what happened to Hunter’s mob connections?  Previous episodes have hinted that Hunter’s father is one of the most powerful gangsters in California.  Wouldn’t that give him some sort of protection in prison?  Couldn’t the Hunter crime family have asked around and discovered who set Rick Hunter up?

Oh well, no matter.  This was a fun episode!  Tim Thomerson was wonderfully smarmy as McCall’s new partner.  Jack O’Halloran was properly psychotic as the scary prisoner looking to take down Hunter.  If any actor was born to be filmed beating up people in a prison cafeteria, it was Fred Dryer.

Luckily,  Hunter got out of jail at the end of the episode.  Now, he and McCall can get back to falling in love.

Brad revisits the Hong Kong tearjerker ALL ABOUT AH LONG (1989), starring Chow Yun-Fat!


I have about a 30-minute commute to my office every day, so I love to listen to podcasts about my favorite actors and movies. About a year or so ago, I discovered the “Podcast on Fire,” which mostly focuses on Hong Kong movies, but will veer into other Asian related cinema as well. Kenny B and his various co-hosts may do a series on a prominent Hong Kong director one week and a sleazy category III soft porno the next, so the wide variety is especially enjoyable, and I’ve learned so much by going through their back catalog of episodes. I recently came across their series dedicated to popular Hong Kong melodramas. The first episode in the series included a lengthy discussion of ALL ABOUT AH LONG, an award-winning tearjerker starring Chow Yun-Fat. I haven’t watched it in over 20 years, so it was time for a revisit.

Ah Long (Chow Yun-Fat) is a former motorcycle racer who lives in Hong Kong and works as a truck driver while raising his son Porky on his own. The two seem to have a great relationship, even if their situation can only be described as modest at best. Things get interesting when Ah Long’s former girlfriend Por Por (Sylvia Chang), who also happens to be Porky’s mother, enters their life after being away in America for 10 years. In a cruel twist that was brought on because her family did not want her to be with Ah Long, she had been led to believe that Porky had died and her escape to America was her way of dealing with that pain. Now wealthy and successful, she discovers that Porky is indeed alive, and Ah Long has been raising their son alone all these years. Naturally, she wants to be involved in her son’s life. As a matter of fact, she wants to give Porky a life that his father never could.

My favorite living actor, Chow Yun-Fat, gives one of the best performances of his career in this film. It’s especially impressive because it asks him to behave almost completely the opposite of the cool heroes that made him famous around the globe in his Hong Kong action hits like THE KILLER and HARD BOILED. His Ah Long can be funny and charismatic, but he can also be immature and downright mean. There are times he’s so sweet and likable, and then there are times, especially seen in flashback, where he’s not likable at all. Chow doesn’t try to smooth away the rough edges of the character, either. Ah Long is flawed, but he’s also a great dad, and his chemistry with his son Porky (Huang Kun-Hsuan) feels very natural. I also like Chow’s chemistry with Sylvia Chang as Por Por. Even though she wants to take Porky back to America with her, she’s never portrayed as this evil villain, and she and Chow actually end up working together to do what’s best for their son. Chow would win his 3rd Hong Kong Film Award for Best Actor for his performance here.

The film is very melodramatic, but director Johnnie To goes out of his way to ground the film in some level of reality. Long before To was transforming the Hong Kong film industry in the late ‘90’s through his Milky Way Images production company, he was a working director just making successful movies. With this film’s cramped apartments, simple meals, awkward dinner conversations, and past romantic regrets, the movie gives all of us something we can latch ahold of. When tragedy enters near the end, it’s especially affecting since we’ve grown to understand and care about the characters. If ALL ABOUT AH LONG doesn’t make you reach for the tissues, you’ve got a heart of stone, my friend!

In my opinion, ALL ABOUT AH LONG is also the kind of movie that determines if you’re a Chow Yun-Fat fan or just a John Woo action movie fan. Chow is about as far away from the charismatic hero of A BETTER TOMORROW as he can possibly get. This is Chow at his most human and relatable, and I’ll admit I loved every moment of his performance. I watched it again on the DVD that I purchased about 25 years ago, and there’s just nobody any better out there.

Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.33 “The Lieutenant Had A Son”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

Episode 1.33 “The Lieutenant Had A Son”

(Dir by David Alexander, originally aired on May 26th, 1958)

After spending five years overseas, career soldier Lt. Larry Hayes (Leo Penn) returns to New York City.  He wants to see the son that he’s never met and he’s not happy when he discovers that, in his absence, his wife (Loretta Leversee) has married another man (Will Kuluva).  His wife goes to the police for protection but, once it becomes obvious that she committed bigamy, Casey has to try to sort out who is married to who and who Larry, Jr. (Robie Grant) belongs with.

This was an odd episode.  Absolutely no one was sympathetic.  I even got annoyed with Casey for getting involved with these people.  Lt. Hayes was a self-righteous martinet.  His wife was a flake who simply didn’t seem to understand why she wasn’t being given a pass on the whole bigamy thing.  Five year-old Larry, Jr. was played by a child named Robie Grant.  I was not surprised to discover that this was Grant’s only credit because he was beyond lousy in the role.  I have never been more annoyed by a five year-old.

The most interesting thing about this episode is that Larry Hayes is played by Leo Penn, the father of Sean, Chris, and Michael Penn.  Leo Penn gives a believable performance as Larry.  It wasn’t his fault that the character wasn’t particularly likable.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.3 “Caught In The Draft”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, it’s for the draft.

Episode 4.3 “Caught In The Draft”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 19th, 1988)

The Bulls attend the draft and screw everything up.  It turns out that allowing the players to own the team was a really bad idea.  In fact, it goes so badly that TD Parker (OJ Simpson) really deserves to be fired for suggesting it in the first place.  But, nobody wants to get on TD’s bad side, for some reason.

How badly does it go?

The Bulls need a linebacker.  Sonny Cowers, the phenom out of Louisiana, is available in the first round.  Unfortunately, Mad Dog worries that, if he drafts Sonny, the Bulls will then either release or trade him.  Seeing as how Mad Dog owns the team, I’m not really sure how he could be traded or released but whatever.  Mad Dog picks a player that the team doesn’t need and Sonny is picked by another team.

Meanwhile, Jethro and Bubba insist on drafting an unheralded running back because they’re convinced the man is in their hotel room and threatening to commit suicide if he’s not drafted.  It turns out that the man in the hotel room was just an actor and that the Bulls just got conned into drafting some fat guy from Tennessee.

The Bulls do get a new head coach when TD trades a sixth round draft pick for the new coach of Houston’s term, Ernie Denardo.  That’s right, Denardo’s back!

The draft is such a disaster that the bank cancels their loan and the players are forced to sell the team to the fast food company that they were trying to avoid being purchased by in the first place.

I actually liked this episode.  I enjoyed the chaos of the draft and it was hard not to laugh at the earnest stupidity of the players.  Shouldn’t you guys be trying to draft a quarterback? I thought at one point and, for a second, I felt like a sports expert.

Seriously, they need do need to get a quarterback.