Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.7 “Saturday, Bloody Saturday”

Posted on July 8, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, Lawrence Taylor shows up!

Episode 4.7 “Saturday, Bloody Saturday”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 16th, 1988)

Ever since I started reviewing this show, my friend Mark has been telling me to keep an eye out for Lawrence Taylor. Taylor is an actual football player who has gone on to have a sporadic acting career. (He also did Dancing With The Stars.) This week, after months of searching, I finally spotted Lawrence Taylor’s name in the credits.

Taylor plays Tombstone Packer, an opposing player who goes on television and announces that he’s going to destroy the Bulls to get revenge on Dr. Death for crippling one of Tombstone’s teammates. Usually, I joke about how the worst actors on shows like this are always the professional athletes. But I have to admit that Lawrence Taylor is not that bad in this episode. Of course, he spends most of the episode yelling at and threatening people and I imagine that would come naturally to most football players. Still, that’s more than most of the basketball players who appeared on Hang Time were capable of pulling off.

There’s a lot of drama in this episode, even beyond Tombstone Packer’s search for vengeance. For instance, Billy Cooper is shocked to discover that his newest girlfriend, Sybil (Samantha Eggar, seriously slumming), is the wife of Dodds Corporation executive Robert Nelson (Derek Patridge). Making things even worse is that Sybil dies of a drug overdose and Billy is worried that he and the players might be blamed and even criminally charged. Billy shouldn’t have worried, though. It turns out that Sybil had a long history of sleeping with athletes and Robert was okay with it. He’s not even that upset to hear that his wife has died.

Meanwhile, TD Parker (OJ Simpson) meets Gillian (Michael Michele). The newly-divorced TD flirts with Gillian at a supermarket and learns that she’s a soccer player. TD decides that it’s time for the Bulls to make history by signing Gillian as their backup field goal kicker! Over the objections of Coach Denardo, Gillian becomes the first woman to play professional football. Of course, Tombstone tackles her as soon as she makes her first kick and she’s carted off the field with a bruised leg. The show ends with TD welcoming Gillian to the team but, according to imdb, this was Gillian’s only appearance on the show. Hopefully, she didn’t make TD angry.

(I should also say that, on Tubi, this episode’s sound was extremely muddy and the close captioning was running way behind so the show ended before the captions even reached TD’s postgame talk with Gillian. Their conversation was not always easy to hear. That said, Gillian looked really happy so I’m assuming that TD welcomed her to the team.)

As I watched this episode, I remembered that, a few years ago, a woman actually did try out to be a kicker in the NFL. She received a lot of media hype in the days leading up to the try-out. Everyone was really excited until she actually kicked the football and sent it skidding over to the sidelines. I also thought about how Degrassi spent an entire season building up Jane as being a totally badass football player, just to abandon the idea after a few episodes. I guess my point is that I guess it would be great if a woman played in the NFL and totally dominated all of the 300-pound men who play in that league but I just don’t think it’s going to happen in my lifetime.

Oh well! At least I can now say that I’ve spotted Lawrence Taylor on 1st & Ten.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.6 “The Dark Side”

Posted on June 24, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, who cares about a concussion?

Episode 4.6 “The Dark Side”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 9th, 1988)

Going into the half, the Bulls are in danger of losing their first game of the season. Dodds Company executive Michael Westwood (Paul Tuerpe) has suspended Bubba and Jethro for refusing to sell their bar. “They draw a criminal element,” Michael said. “They’re just football players!” TD Parker (OJ Simpson) snaps back. Because Bubba and Jethro aren’t there to protect him, quarterback Doug Clayton (Scott Geyer) has been sacked and is now playing with a concussion.

During the coach’s locker room talk, Doug suddenly imagines that he’s in a Vietnam war film and that he and the team are soldiers on a mission to rescue Bubba and Jethro from a POW camp. OJ Simpson dresses up like Rambo and leads the assault. OJ kills a lot of people in this episode!

His fantasy over, the still dazed Doug heads back out to play the second half, this time with Bubba and Jethro once again blocking for him.

So, to make clear, Doug is playing with a severe concussion. That’s really the entire plot of this episode. The Vietnam stuff is occasionally amusing if overly broad. Bubba and Jethro recreate The Deer Hunter’s Russian Roulette scene. OJ Simpson still comes across as being oddly mild-mannered, even while firing a machine gun. That said, it’s hard not to feel that Doug, who gave up a Rhodes scholarship to play professional football, is basically sacrificing his life for one game.

Oh well. The Bulls win. That’s the important thing.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 3.9 “Call to the Hall”

Posted on April 8, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Uh-oh. This episode features OJ Simpson doing the real acting.

Episode 3.9 “Call For The Hall”

(Directed by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on November 4th, 1987)

TD Parker (played by OJ Simpson) has a lot to deal with this week!

The team’s running back has been injured. Buffalo is willing to trade their running back in return for Bubba Kincaid! Nobody wants to say goodbye to Bubba. He’s the heart of the team. He’s the team “poobah,” which means that he gets to wear a stupid horned helmet whenever he’s at that team bar. But the Bulls need a running back. TD is the one who has to tell Bubba that he’s been traded. Jethro is named the new team poobah. Bubba’s wife is not happy about moving to Buffalo because it’s too cold up north. Fortunately, it turns out that Buffalo’s running back has also been injured and the trade is canceled. Bubba is staying!

TD has also been voted into the football hall of fame. Should he take his wife and son to the ceremony or should he bring his mistress? TD can’t decide, even though it seems like kind of an obvious decision. Still, TD has to go to the team owner for advice and he is shocked when she reveals that she and everyone else know about TD’s new relationship.

Sorry, TD — everyone knows!

The team owner says that he should probably bring his wife, if just for the sake of appearances. TD then plays basketball with his son and apologizes for not being a better father. This leads to a line of dialogue that so totally epitomizes how much times have changed that it really should be put in a museum.

OJ Simpson apologizes for not being more like Bill Cosby. I think that pretty much sums up this show’s entire third season.

In the end, TD does not take his mistress to the Hall of Fame. But it doesn’t appear that his family attends either. TD gives a speech, thanking his wife and son. Awwww.

This episode features a lot of OJ Simpson acting. As an actor, OJ was mild, bland, and likable. He delivered his lines smoothly but with little sincerity. Of course, nowadays, it’s impossible to listen to him speak without searching for a hidden meaning between the lines. As I watched this episode, I found myself thinking, “Do not make him mad, do not make him mad….”

There was one other storyline in this episode. Dr. Death and Mad Dog stole Coach Grier’s pet mouse. The mouse died. Dr. Death and Mad Dog had to run up and down the stadium stairs as a punishment. The laugh track insists that all of this is funny but I had to disagree. Killing pets is never a good look.

This episode was a lot like OJ’s acting — mild and bland. Unlike OJ, it won’t be getting voted into the Hall of Fame anytime soon.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma. What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp. All of the players are excited to see him. At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise. He’s the face of the team! When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an ~~acquittal~~ touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker. Where was he last season? The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker. I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room. The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon. Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him. Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it. Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field. Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH! T.D. looks confused. He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee. (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.) Bryce is done for the season. Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup. That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise. They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests. Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s. There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining. That’s doesn’t mean it was good. 1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good. But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine. Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season. It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings. That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows? I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.4 “The Slump”

Posted on August 6, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, cocaine comes to the locker room. Actually, cocaine was probably already there. Now, there’s more cocaine. Football, right?

Anyway….

Episode 1.4 “The Slump”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 16th, 1984)

This week’s episode starts off with some full front nudity as wide receiver Mace Petty (Marshall R. Teague) takes a shower with a blonde woman. Suddenly, a bearded man steps into the shower, accuses Mace of seducing his wife, and points a gun at him. OH MY GOD, IS MACE GOING TO DIE!? (And who is Mace, anyway?)

Oh wait, it’s a prop gun. Ha ha, it’s practical joke. Those crazy Bulls.

With the required HBO nudity out of the way, the plot kicks off. The Bulls are in a slump. They’ve lost their past two games! In order to turn things around, Diane makes a trade for a talented wide receiver. (Ha! TAKE THAT, MACE!) Butch Cassidy (Michael Toland) may be a good athlete but guess who has a cocaine addiction!? Butch is soon snorting in the men’s room. When he has to take a drug test, he uses a groupie’s urine instead. When the results come back, it’s announced that Butch is pregnant. Butch is kicked off the team. Maybe the Sundance Kid can take his place….

The good news is that The Bulls still win their next game, breaking the slump. And Bob Dorsey earns Diana’s trust by telling her that Butch has a drug problem. And the Arcola Brothers attempt to keep the Bulls from serving beer at the stadium is thwarted when Diana has a bunch of helicopter fly in the beer. (That way, no one has to cross the picket line that the Arcolas have set up outside the stadium.) Finally, Carl Witherspoon gets a new contract and the rest of the team gets jealous because Carl is now a “millionaire” but then Carl points out that he’s a terrible negotiator and he actually got screwed over on the contract. He then agrees to take the team to Hawaii. No wonder they won that game!

This episode was actually better than the previous three. That doesn’t mean it was particularly good but still it wasn’t terrible. (And that’s what we mean by “damning by faint praise.”) If nothing else, Michael Toland gave a good performance as the cocky but self-destructive Butch Cassidy. I also kind of like the chemistry between Geoffrey Scott and Delta Burke. They’re good together. As far as episodes of bad shows go, this was a good one.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & 10 1.2 “The Opener”

Posted on July 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the football season begins!

Episode 1.2 “The Opener”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 2nd, 1984)

The opening game of the season is approaching. The Bulls have trader their former quarterback (who was played, briefly, by Robert Logan in the pilot) for a new quarterback, Bob D0rsey (Geoffrey Scott). Bob Dorsey is a notorious womanizer and a veteran player with a strong arm and a bad knee. So, basically, he’s just like their former quarterback except he’s played by Geoffrey Scott instead of Robert Logan.

Dana has decided that Bob will start on opening day, instead of the quarterback that they drafted out of BYU, the ultra-religious Bryce Smith (Jeff East). (Opening Day, quarterback, drafted — look at me using all the football terminology!) Bryce is fine with not starting because he feels that it is God’s will for Bob to start.

However, the Mafia (represented by Michael V. Gazzo and Robert Miranda) is not happy! It turns out that general manager Roger Barrow has been doing business with the Arcola Brothers. He’s been giving them tickets and allowing the Arcolas to scalp them in return for a 20% commission. Dana puts an end to that, saying that all the tickets will now be sold through the box office as opposed to being held for VIPs. The Mafia wants Roger to make sure that Bob does not start. Roger convinces one of the other players to injure Bob during practice so that Bryce will be the starter.

Uh-oh! Bob injures his knee. Bryce is going to have to play …. except, right before the team hits the field, the team doctor suddenly says that Bob’s knee is at 80% and he can play if he wants to. Of course, Bob wants to! Bob takes the field and, after several minutes of stock footage, we’re told that the Bulls have won the game.

This show feels so strange. On the one hand, I get the feeling that this episode probably was realistic about the physical toll that playing football takes on a player. Bob is 35 and can barely walk. I imagine that the episode’s portrayal of the locker room being a mx of stupidity and testosterone was probably accurate as well. I’ll even give the episode credit for showing that all of the players resent the team’s owner and that Coach Denardo uses that to his advantage when it comes to motivating them. Everyone — well, almost everyone — resents their boss. (Not me! I love everyone I’ve ever worked with!)

On the other hand, the first two episodes have been so low-budget that it appears there’s only five or six players on the team and the mix of comedy and drama feels rather awkward. Dana’s friend Mona (Ruta Lee) starts drinking in the morning and tossing out pithy one liners. Meanwhile, the Mafia is threatening to kill Roger. It really doesn’t fit together. The whole thing just looks and feels cheap.

But, hey, the Bulls won! Good for them!

Retro Television Review: Playmates (dir by Theodore J. Flicker)

Posted on May 5, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1972’s Playmates! It can be viewed on YouTube.

Playmates tells the story of two divorces.

Marshall Barnett (Alan Alda) is an attorney. He went to Yale and Harvard. He has a successful career. He has rich and educated friends. He has a nice bachelor pad. He also pays hundreds of dollars in alimony. He and Lois (Barbara Feldon) got divorced 3 years ago and Marshall is still bitter. He’s bitter that he has to pay her so much money. He’s bitter that he only gets to see his son on the weekends. He’s bitter that he can’t seem to start a new, meaningful relationship with anyone. He’s bitter that his wife still asks him to critique her modernist paintings.

Kermit Holvey (Doug McClure) is a blue collar welder. He has only been divorced for a few months and his relationship with ex-wife Patti (Connie Stevens) is nowhere near as contentious as Marshall’s relationship with Lois. Still, Kermit is struggling to adjust to being single and to only seeing his son on the weekends.

Marshall and Kermit meet one weekend while they are both taking their sons to the Kiddieland Amusement Park. Marshall is so overjoyed to meet someone else who is dealing with divorce that he comes on a bit strong in trying to get to know Kermit. Kermit, however, does eventually get over his initial weariness and soon, he and Marshall are best friends. It doesn’t matter that Marshall has a tendency to be a little bit condescending and that Kermit often can’t follow what Marshall is talking about. They spend most of their time talking about their ex-wives.

But then Kermit meets Lois and he discovers that her paintings really aren’t as bad as Marshall made them out to be. And Marshall meets Patti and he discovers that she’s not as dumb as Kermit made her out to be. Soon, Kermit is secretly dating Lois and Marshall is secretly dating Patti and anyone who has ever watched a comedy before knows that there is a big mess waiting in the future.

Playmates was one of those films that pretended to be a lot naughtier than it actually was. For all the winking and the occasional sly smiles, all that happens is that Kermit and Marshall both end up going out with women with whom they really don’t have much in common. And while it’s tempting to read a lot into how quickly Kermit and Marshall become friends and how they both end up dating the other’s female equivalent, I think that might be giving this film too much credit. (If it were made today, things might be different.) In the end, the film really has more to say about class than it does marriage, as both Marshall and Lois obviously view spending time with Kermit and Patti as being a way of slumming and building up some working class bona fides without actually having to be working class. Patti, to her credit, calls Marshall out on this. Marshall admits that she has a point but he still come across as if he’s talking down to her, largely because he’s played by Alan Alda, an actor who is a master at being somehow both likable and condescending at the same time.

Playmates is a well-acted film and there are some funny lines. The four main characters are all ultimately likable, even if they all have their moments where you can tell why they would be difficult to live with. It deserves some credit for following its story through to its natural conclusion, with one couple realizing that they still love each other while the other realize that they are better off divorced. The film may not be as radical as it pretends to be but it still doesn’t cop out on the ending. In the end, Playmates is probably best watched as a time capsule. It’s here if you ever want to experience 1972 firsthand.