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Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

It’s time for a trip to 1984.

Episode 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 17th, 1984)

Wendy Collins (Robin Mattson) is a beautiful model who cannot overcome her trust issues.  She fears that she might be frigid and she even resists Roarke’s attempts to make her fantasy of finding true love come true by setting her up with photographer (Rod McCrary).  Wendy finally reveals the truth to Roarke.  She grew up in a troubled home and, as a result, she has a hard time trusting people.  She’s only had one lover and the lover was….

“An older man?” Roarke asks.

“A woman,” Wendy reveals.

The camera zooms in on Roarke looking shocked.

Welcome to 1984!  Now, today, it’s pretty obvious what would happen.  Wendy would fall in love with the photographer’s assistant, Carla (Renee Lippin), and she would realize that there was nothing wrong with that.  But this episode aired in 1984, which means that Wendy has to find the courage to tell the photographer that her previous lover was a woman and that the photographer will then have to be willing to say that it doesn’t matter.  Basically, Wendy’s fantasy is to be reassured that she’s straight despite having had one same-sex relationship.

Yes, well, hmmm …. hey, what’s going on in the other fantasy?

Arthur Crane (John Davidson) has a compulsive disorder that leads to him assuming other people’s identities.  That’s quite a serious problem and Fantasy Island plays it for laughs.  Roarke tells Lawrence to follow Arthur around the Island and to keep Arthur from taking on anyone else’s identity.  Lawrence is terrible at his job.  (Tattoo could have done it!)  Arthur pretends to be a movie producer.  Arthur pretends to be Mr.  Roarke.  (Okay, that did make me laugh.)  Arthur pretends to be a doctor so Mr. Roarke zaps Arthur into an alternate universe where he is a doctor and he’s going to have to perform surgery on someone who has had a cerebral hemorrhage.  Arthur points out that he doesn’t really have any medical skills or training..  Then he looks at the comatose patient and discovers that it’s ….. HIMSELF!

This storyline had potential but it was done in by some seriously bad acting and the fact that the fantasy was comedic so the viewer knows from the start that Arthur is not going to accidentally kill himself on the operating table.

This was a rather dated trip to the Island.  The main theme seemed to be that Lawrence was thoroughly incompetent.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.20 “Dead Man’s Riddle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, the CHiPs team investigates an accident and a guest star gives a really terrible performance.

Episode 4.20 “Dead Man’s Riddle”

(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on May 10th, 1981)

An accident in the mountains causes three cars to explode and one driver to die.  Since the dead driver was a captain with the Los Angeles fire department, the MAIT Team is sent out to recreate the accident and to try to figure out what happened.  They know that at least three cars were involved in the accident.  One driver died.  One driver is in the hospital.  And the other driver appears to be missing.  Getraer suspects that the accident could be due to people racing each other in the mountains.

What makes this episode odd is the casting of Joanna Kerns as psychiatrist Colleen Jacobs.  She’s assigned to the MAIT Team.  She actually drives through the mountains frequently and she even gets involved in racing sometimes.  In fact, she saw one of the cars right before the accident!  At first, she doesn’t bother to share this with anyone.  Instead, she just sits in the background with a guilty look on her face.  Finally, Jon Baker — in an unmarked car — tricks her into trying to race him.  That’s when she finally confesses….

….and faces absolutely no consequences!  Oh sure, Getraer gets a little annoyed and says that it would have been helpful if Dr. Jacobs had been honest from the start.  But Dr. Jacobs is allowed to continue to work with the MAIT Team.  Even though she intentionally withheld evidence from investigators, she’s not charged with obstruction.  Ponch tells her that she’s getting a chance to redeem herself which I don’t think is police policy.  No one comments on the fact that, even though she was worried that she may have previously caused a fatal accident, she still tried to race Baker.  Does no one care that, at the very least, she appears to have no impulse control?

Making things even stranger is that Joanna Kerns gives one of the worst performances that I have ever seen as Dr. Jacobs, delivering half of her lines as if she’s struggling not to laugh.  Even when she’s admitting her fear that she may have been responsible for the accident, she still seems like she’s on the verge of breaking out into laughter.  It’s very odd.

Speaking of odd,  an eccentric old man named Max (Owen Brooks) claims that he saw a UFO before the crash.  (Dr. Jacobs laughs when she repeats this.)  It turns out that he just saw a hubcap flying through the air.

In the end, it’s proven that the captain was not at fault in the accident.  That’s all that anyone really seems to care about.  I assume that Dr. Jacbos and Baker then proceeded to race each back to Los Angeles.

Lisa Marie’s Six Favorite Charles Bronson Films

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Brad listed his top Bronson films so I guess I should list mine!  Below are my six favorite Bronson films.  (Why 6?  Because Lisa doesn’t do odd numbers!)

Now, to make clear, I’m not the Bronson expert that Brad is so I will picking from a smaller pool of selections.  But no matter!  Let’s do this!

6. Death Wish III (1985, dir by Michael Winner) 

Yes, I have to start with Death Wish III.  The Death Wish sequels are definitely a mixed bag but Death Wish III was wonderfully over-the-top, a film that cheerfully dropped Bronson in the middle of an absurd circus and allowed him to tame the lions, as it were.  I will always love this film for the presence of Plunger Guy, a bad guy who heads into battle carrying a plunger.

5. Breakheart Pass (1975, dir by Tom Gries)

This is an enjoyable mix of a western, a murder mystery, and an adventure film.  Charles Bronson is a mysterious man on a snowbound train.  Charles Durning, Ben Johnson, Richard Crenna, Jill Ireland, and Ed Lauter co-star and everyone — especially Johnson and Durning — bring a lot to their roles.  This may not be one of Bronson’s best-known films but it is one of his most enjoyable and Bronson himself is at his most likable.

4. Death Wish (1973, dir by Michael Winner)

“My heart bleeds a little for the less fortunate,” Bronson’s Paul Kersey says at the start of the film and those of us watching immediately say, “C’mon, Charlie, really?”  That said, one reason why Death Wish works as well as it does is because Bronson actually gives a very good and very emotionally honest performance as a man who finally snaps and starts to take the law into his own hands.  (I love the barely veiled contempt that’s present whenever Paul talks to his son-in-law.)  Not surprisingly, considering that it was directed by Michael Winner, Death Wish is an often-sordid film that doesn’t have a hint of subtlety.  But it’s also brutally effective, a film that captures the way a lot of people feel when they hear about reports of out-of-control crime.  Even today, it’s easy to see why Death Wish was the film that finally Bronson a star in the United States.

3. Once Upon A Time In The West (1968, dir by Sergio Leone)

Bronson plays Harmonica in the most epic of all of Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns.  Leone pays homage to the American western while also gleefully subverting it.  The quiet and unemotional Bronson is the film’s hero.  Henry Fonda is the sadistic villain who guns down a child.  Jason Robards is an outlaw.  While I don’t consider it to be quite as good as either The Good, The Bad, or the Ugly or Once Upon A Time In America, Once Upon A Time In The West is still one of Leone’s masterpieces.

2. From Noon Till Three (1976, dir by Frank D. Gliroy)

For all of his reputation for being a tough guy who didn’t show much emotion, there was no denying Bronson’s love for his second wife, Jill Ireland.  From Noon Till Three brings Bronson and Ireland together in a film that is a third western, a third romantic comedy, and a third social satire.  It’s a film that gives Bronson a chance to show off his romantic side and it might leave you surprised!  The film also featured Jill Ireland’s best performance in a Bronson film.  I always highly recommend this one.  It’s proof that there was more to Bronson than just shooting the bad guys.

  1. Ten To Midnight (1983, dir by J. Lee Thompson)

This is the ultimate 80s Bronson film and one that I like for a reason that might surprise you.  On the one hand, you’ve got Bronson as a tough cop, Andrew Stevens as his liberal partner, and Gene Davis as the disturbingly plausible serial killer, Warren Stacy.  Bronson is great as the world weary cop.  His scenes with Stevens are amusing and, at times, even poignant.  (It helps that Stevens was the rare co-star that Bronson liked.)  Davis is terrifying and the film’s final moments are very emotionally satisfying.  (“No, we won’t.”)  But the reason why I love this film is because of the relationship between Bronson’s cop and his daughter, who played by Lisa Eilbacher.  Their scenes together — testy but loving — are well-acted by both actors and they always make me think of me and my Dad.  Ten To Midnight is the Bronson film that actually makes me cry.

Music Video of the Day: Once Upon A Time In The West, performed by The Danish National Symphony Orchestra & Tuva Semmingsen (2018, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Charles Bronson’s birthday so it only makes sense that today’s music video should be for a performance of the Ennio Morricone-composed theme of one of his best films.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Genreation 1.12 “Wannabe”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, we get a peek into Degrassi’s future.

Episode 1.12 “Wannabe”

(Dir by Laurie Lynd, originally aired on June 10th, 2002)

This week’s episode is a good example of Emma Nelson being the worst person possible.

Paige and Hazel (Andrea Lewis) are planning on relaunching the Degrassi Spirit Squad, with help of Oskar (Fielding Horan), a character who I’m pretty sure was never seen again after this season.  Manny, a trained gymnast, wants to join the Spirit Squad and does a cartwheel in the school hallway for her audition.  It looks like Manny is finally going find a life outside of being Emma’s supportive friend and….

Uh-oh, Emma looks mad.

Yes, Emma is angry again.  She writes an editorial for the school newspaper, calling the Spirit Squad a sexist relic and saying that the only people interested in it are bimbos.  For some reason, the newspaper runs the editorial, which leads me to suspect that they have no faculty sponsor.

Paige, Manny, and Hazel responds by grabbing every issue of the paper and ripping out Emma’s editorial.  That is some of the funniest and most realistic high school behavior ever.  However, the show expects for us to be as upset as Emma.  No, I’m sorry.  Emma’s editorial was out-of-line and was clearly written by someone who had a personal issue with Paige.  (Never mind that Paige was the one who came to Emma’s rescue when Emma got her first period while wearing a white skirt….)  A responsible editor wouldn’t have published it.  If I said to Arleigh, “Hey, you know that former film blogger in Canada with whom I had that extremely petty argument 15 years ago?  I’m going to write a surprise, 1,000-word post calling him a loser just because I’m in a bad mood,” Arleigh would rightfully suggest that I reconsider.  Add to that, every editorial that Emma has written has sounded like scoldy crap but, during the first season at least, Emma was such a creator’s pet that we weren’t supposed to notice.

Mr. Simpson confronts Paige and Manny about vandalizing the Degrassi Grapevine.  Paige says that she saw Hazel doing it.  Manny realizes that Paige cannot be trusted!  Paige tells Manny that she’ll be lucky to make the Spirit Squad unless she adjusts her attitude.

Of course, those of us who have seen Degrassi knew the future.  Despite Emma’s whining, The Spirit Squad is going to become one of the show’s mainstays.  Manny is going to make the squad and become friends with Paige.  Meanwhile, Hazel is eventually going to be retconned into a Somalian refugee who ends up dating Jimmy until he gets shot in the back.  Meanwhile, Emma will marry Spinner and….

Oh yeah, Spinner!  Poor Spinner!  In this episode, Spinner gets stuck in one of the lamest Degrassi storylines ever.  Toby, JT, and Liberty think that they have a Pringles can that will win them a million dollars in some weird Canadian Pringles sweepstakes.  Spinner decides that he wants some of the money as well and J.T. and Toby say sure because they’re like 4’11 and Spinner is like 5’10.  But it turns out that JT had the wrong can so no one wins anything.  Yes, it’s just that dumb.

Again, it’s good to know the future when watching the Pringles subplot.  J.T. will never become rich because he’s going to be brutally murdered during his senior year.  Before he dies, J.T. will manage to impregnant Liberty and Liberty will give the child up for adoption.  Meanwhile, Toby will end up hosting a Canadian robotics competition.  (Yeah, I don’t quite understand it myself….)  And Spinner will end up flunking three times before graduating at the age of 21.  And even then, he still hung out around the school until he was like 30.  Never underestimate how far this show would go to keep a popular character around.

This episode was pretty lame but historically, it was very important.  Not only was it the first episode to feature Spirit Squad drama but it was also one of the first episodes to suggest (albeit unintentionally) that Emma was essentially a sociopath who couldn’t stand to see her friends happy.  This episode was a harbinger of Degrassi’s future.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.13 “I’ve Got A Secret”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

Ring ring.  “Homicide.”

Episode 4.13 “I’ve Got A Secret”

(Dir by Gwen Arner, originally aired on February 2nd, 1996)

This week, almost everyone has a secret.

For example, when Pembleton and Bayliss are called in about a man found dead in his car, they discover that, earlier in the day, he went to a local ER after being shot.  The gunshot wound, which was accidental, didn’t kill him.  Instead, it was the internal bleeding that the doctor either missed or intentionally ignored.  Dr. Kate Wystan (Mimi Kennedy) may come across as being a selfless doctor who has dedicated her life to helping the residents of Baltimore’s most crime-ridden neighborhood but Pembleton and eventually Bayliss come to suspect that her secret is that, because the victim was black and a known criminal, she didn’t give him the same standard of care that she gives to her other patients.  Pembleton considers this to be murder, though it sounds more like a case of malpractice than anything else.

Munch spots Kay kissing a man outside of police headquarters and he becomes obsessed with trying to figure out who the man is.  He’s always believed that Kay is happy being single and alone.  (Uhm, hello?  Munch?  Remember when she dated Ed Danvers?)  Kay’s secret is that apparently she has a life outside of Homicide.

Finally, Lewis and Kellerman spend the entre episode chasing a burly man who is wanted for killing both of his parents.  At first, this entire storyline feels almost like a parody of NBC’s request that the series start featuring more action.  Lewis and Kellerman spend the entire first half of the episode chasing this guy through allies and pool halls and every time, they fail to catch him.  There’s none of the badass heroics that we’ve come to expect from cop shows.  Eventually, Lewis reveals that his brother is in a mental institution.  When Lewis tries to visit his brother, he’s just turned away.  Lewis’s secret is that he actually cares about his brother.

This was an okay episode.  By this point in the series, Homicide had reached the point where it could do an episode where the true enjoyment came less from the storyline and more from just listening to the characters talk to each other.  I really didn’t care much about the crimes that they were investigating.  Instead, I just enjoyed listening to Pembleton and Bayliss talk and bounce ideas off of each other.  They’ve come along way since the day that Bayliss objected to Pembleton’s interrogation technique and Pembleton shouted that he would never have a partner.  By the same token, Kellerman and Lewis have their own unique chemistry that is fun to experience.  They’re like the sensitive frat cops.  As for Munch and Kay, they should just hook up already.  It’s obvious to everyone that they’re in love!

Maybe that’s their secret?

Song of the Day: Changes by David Bowie

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s David Bowie with Changes!

Still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild, a million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet

So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
(Don’t want to be a richer man)

Ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
(Just gonna have to be a different man)

Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
(Don’t tell them to grow up and out of it)

Ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
(Where’s your shame, you’ve left us up to our necks in it)

Time may change me
But you can’t trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
(Oh, look out you rock ‘n rollers)

Ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
(Pretty soon now you’re gonna get older)

Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time

Songwriters: David Bowie

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.3 “The Gift”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zack exploits his best friend.

Episode 1.3 “The Gift”

(Dir by Dennis Erdman, originally aired on September 8th, 1989)

Screech gets stuck by lightning!

Wow, I guess he’s dead now.  Oh wait, this is Saved By The Bell.  People get struck by lightning all the time.  Screech isn’t dead.  Instead, he can now see into the future.  Zack is thrilled that his friend has a power that he can exploit and Screech is thrilled to be exploited.  (That’s actually kind of sad.)  It’s all fun and games when Zack uses Screech’s powers to trick Slater into losing his bomber jacket.  But then, when Zack attempts to use Screech to pass Terrible Testaverde’s history midterm, things fall apart.

Terrible George Testaverde (John Moschitta, Jr.) is supposed to be the most fearsome teacher at Bayside.  Everyone fears his superhard midterms.  From what we see of his class, he actually appears to be a surprisingly easy teacher, albeit one who talks extremely fast.  His midterm questions also don’t seem that tough.  Essentially, Zack and the Bayside crew are freaking out because they’re going to have write an essay on three basic questions about the American Revolution.  What a bunch of wimps.  Seriously, I could pass Testaverde’s midterm with my eyes closed.

Screech loses his powers after Zack accidentally spills a drink on him but still comes up with three questions that Testaverde might ask.  Zack sets up a study date with Kelly, one that is crashed by Jessie, Lisa, and Slater.  Zack assures them that he knows what the three questions will be.  Jessie says, “You would never lie to Kelly, would you, Zack?”

Screech later says that he’s seeing three different questions, which means that it’s time for another wacky plot!  Zack pretends to be Mr. Belding and calls Testaverde and tells him that the school is flooded.  Then, he pretends to be Testaverde and calls Belding and says that he has laryngitis and he needs Belding to administer his midterm.  Neither Belding nor Testaverde apparently notice that the person calling them sounds like he’s 14.

The plan nearly works.  Belding gives the class the three questions that Zack called him with.  But then Testaverde shows up, dress like a plumber.  “My school needs me!” he says.  Testaverde and Belding eventually figure out what happened.  (These aren’t the smarter public educators in the world.)  Testaverde administers the real midterm….

Jessie gets a C and faints.  Slater doesn’t seem to care about his grade, mostly because Slater’s a bad ass.  Zack gets an “F minus, for scamming.”  He also has to be Slater’s slave for a month.  (Slater has Zack order a pizza.  Zack asks for one with the “hottest peppers you can find.”)  Screech passes because he actually studied so Zack makes fun of him and the audiences goes wild….

Watching this episode, I realized that the appeal of Saved By The Bell was how incredibly amoral it was.  There was no right or wrong and there were no consequences.  Zack fails a midterm.  He lies to both a principal and a teacher.  He reacts to Screech getting struck by lightning by taking advantage of him (as opposed to calling an ambulance).  And, other than having to order a pizza for Slater, nothing bad really happens to him.  Most shows would make a big deal about the importance of getting good grades and caring about your friends.  Not Saved By The Bell!  Saved By The Bell takes place in a world where, even when Zack loses, he somehow wins.  I can understand why that would appeal to many viewers.

Next week, Kelly convinces Zack that she’s going to kill him.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/26/25 — 11/1/25

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week was all about horror movies but here’s a few thoughts on what little of episodic television that I watched this week.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Why would they take the kids camping?  This episode made no sense to me.  I’m a little tired of hearing about Gregory’s “goofballs.”

Dragnet (YouTube)

I watched the “Night School” episode and the “Talk Show” episode.  They both made me smile.  I’ve seen them so many times that watching them automatically relaxes me.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, F0x)

Will the Blue Team ever get it together?  I assume they will eventually.  The men always seem to start out weak before becoming unbeatable towards the end of the season.  Still, right now, I wouldn’t want any of these people making me anything to eat.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

For the second week in a row, Maroun did not appear.  I don’t really have a problem with that, as Maroun was (is?) kind of an annoying character but it’s hard not to notice that now, neither Reid Scott nor Hugh Dancy are working with a partner.  I also noticed this week that Reid Scott, Hugh Dancy, and Tony Goldwyn all look way too similar.  Suddenly, Law & Order is dominated by sickly-looking white guys.