Brad reviews THE SEVENTH CURSE (1986) – starring Chow Yun-Fat, Maggie Cheung and Chin Siu-Ho!

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Bradley Crain

Early in THE SEVENTH CURSE, Dr. Yuan (Chin Siu-Ho) tells a story to his mentor and friend Wisely (Chow Yun-Fat). It seems he had visited Thailand exactly one year earlier, and while walking along a lake, a beautiful woman in a see-through blouse emerged from the water. The two visit for a moment before she ran into the jungle in fear. Later that evening, Yuan heard the sounds of native drums which seem to signal human sacrifices are taking place by the local “Worm Tribe.” Investigating the situation, he saw that same beautiful woman as she was about to be sacrificed to the “Old Ancestor” by the tribe’s sorcerer (Elvis Tsui). He rescued the lady, but he was also damned with a blood curse that will periodically burst through his legs. Luckily, the grateful beauty was able to slice a tumor out of her ample bosom that provided an antidote for one year. Well, the time is up and the bursts are back. Wisely, who puffs on his pipe and seems to be an expert on everything, advises Yuan to head back to Thailand and find a permanent cure before the final burst kills him. With help at various times from the badass Black Dragon (Dick Wei), the beautiful tribe woman we now know as Betsy (Tsui Sau-Lai), the annoying reporter Rainbow (Maggie Cheung), and Wisely, Yuan must find the cure before the final burst comes straight from the heart. It won’t be easy as they will have to defeat the evil sorcerer of the Worm Tribe, a demon baby animated by the blood of ground up children, and “Old Ancestor” himself, a powerful skeleton with glowing eyes who likes to suck out spinal cords before transforming into something really ugly.

Back in 1986, Chow Yun-Fat essentially filmed an extended cameo for this crazy film that could have only been made in Hong Kong. 1986 was also the same year that Chow Yun-Fat became a megastar all across Asia based on his success in John Woo’s A BETTER TOMORROW. Of course, the film was sold on his name, but he’s not in it very much, even if he does show up at the end with a bazooka. With that said, for those in the right frame of mind THE SEVENTH CURSE is an entertaining film, and I like Chin Siu-Ho in the lead role as Dr. Yuan. Part Indiana Jones style adventure and part jungle-terror, this film goes completely over the top with its gratuitous nudity and gore. “Restraint” for this movie means not showing children actually getting ground up so their blood can revitalize a demon baby, although we do see them being placed in the grinder and the blood coming out and being collected in bowls. The same restraint isn’t shown for the men who are torn apart by booby traps and Old Ancestor, impaled by spikes, rip their own faces off and have their spinal cords sucked out. For those of “WTF am I watching” cinema, this should be a fun viewing. The special effects aren’t particularly realistic looking which makes it easier for me to watch.

Overall, THE SEVENTH CURSE is definitely not a film for everyone. The budget is low, the acting isn’t great, it’s gory as hell, and Chow Yun-Fat may have ten minutes of screen time at most. But if my description of the gore doesn’t scare you away and you enjoy crazy cinema, this is probably a movie for you.

Horror Book Review: The Amulet by Michael McDowell

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First published in 1979, Michael McDowell’s The Amulet takes place in a small Alabama town in 1965. It’s a town that is home to a factory that constructs rifles. The town’s entire livelihood revolves around the business of guns and, with the Vietnam War heating up, it looks like business is going to be good. Unfortunately, that’s little comfort to Dean Howell, a local man who is disfigured and left in an apparent vegetative state after a rifle that he’s testing explodes in his face.

Sarah, Dean’s young wife, tries to take care of Dean while also working at the factory and dealing with Dean’s incredibly spiteful mother, Jo. Angered over her son’s disfigurement, Jo seeks revenge by giving an amulet to Sarah’s boss. What Jo doesn’t tell anyone is that the amulet is cursed and whoever wears it will end up killing their family and then killing themselves. The amulet passes from one hand to another, leading to more and more violent deaths. When Sarah and her friend Becca realize what’s happening, they try to track down the amulet. It all leads to an increasingly over-the-top bloodbath and a twist ending.

The Amulet is an enjoyably gruesome horror story that works as long as you don’t spend too much time trying to understand the logic of the amulet. At first, it seems like a pretty simple curse. The person who wears the amulet is driven to kill their loved ones and then themselves. By the end of the book, though, the amulet seems to have the power to possess both buildings and machines which leads us to wonder whether or not machines actually have loved ones. As a writer, McDowell goes more for shock than narrative consistency but, fortunately, he writes with enough style that he pulls it off. McDowell shows a flair for macabre small town drama and the ending is appropriately unsettling.

This was Michael McDowell’s first published novel. He would go on to write several more novels, along with working on the screenplays for Beetlejuice, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Thinner.

October True Crime: Lords of Chaos (by Jonas Akerlund)

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

2018’s Lords of Chaos features one of the most disturbing scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie.

Jack Kilmer plays Pelle Ohlin, a Swedish singer who was horribly abused as a child—beaten so badly his spleen ruptured and he was clinically dead for a few minutes before they brought him back. He grew up obsessed with death, sometimes seeming to believe he already was dead. He took Dead as his stage name and became the lead singer of the Norwegian black metal band Mayhem. He’d found a following, but it didn’t seem to matter. Left alone in his attic bedroom, Dead takes a knife and slits his wrists in close-up. After staring at the blood running down his arms, he uses the same knife to slit his throat. That still doesn’t kill him. Even while he’s coughing up blood he finds the strength to write a note apologizing for the mess. Then he sits on the bed, puts the barrel of a shotgun to his forehead, and pulls the trigger. We see all of it. The gore effects are disturbingly real, and Kilmer’s performance captures the eerie detachment of someone too fascinated by death to care that he’s the one dying. It’s not an easy scene to watch.

What’s even more disturbing is the reaction of Dead’s “friend,” Euronymous (Rory Culkin). The founder and lead guitarist of Mayhem is the one who discovers the body. Instead of calling an ambulance, he drives to a store, buys a disposable camera, and takes pictures. Later he hands out necklaces he claims were made from fragments of Dead’s skull. He uses the notoriety of the suicide to launch a record label and brand Mayhem as the world’s most evil band.

After Dead’s death, Euronymous is approached by Varg Vikernes (Emory Cohen), a fan he’d once cruelly dismissed. Varg has remade himself as a neo-Nazi pagan musician. When Euronymous agrees to produce Varg’s debut album, Varg celebrates by burning down a church. Soon he’s on a church-burning spree. Meanwhile another of Varg’s acquaintances, Faust (Valter Skarsgård), brutally murders a gay man in a park. Euronymous, who built his fame on songs about death and destruction, suddenly finds himself surrounded by people who are actually killing and destroying. Eventually they come for him too.

I should state right now that I’m hardly an expert on Norwegian black metal. It’s not my kind of music. I’ve read a little about the murder of Euronymous and Varg Vikernes’s subsequent career, but I’m in no position to judge how accurate the film is. Plenty of people online were critical of the way it chose to tell the story. Having watched it, I don’t feel it gave me any real insight into what the black metal scene was actually about. If anything, it portrays Euronymous as something of a poseur. Toward the end he tells Varg the whole thing was just an act. Varg doesn’t take it well.

In real life Varg Vikernes served 15 years for the church burnings and the murder of Euronymous. During the COVID years he made a few comments critical of the lockdowns and of “wokeness.” I remember a fellow film critic (someone who’s never written for this site, I should add) was incredibly impressed and started telling everyone they needed to read him. A few of us pointed out that Vikernes was not only a convicted murderer but a neo-Nazi who hated America and was the last person she should be embracing, lockdown opinions or not. For weeks she refused to believe it. Eventually someone told her to read his Wikipedia page and she never mentioned him again.

As for the film itself, it does a good job of capturing the rebellion and directionless anger that could pull someone toward a band like Mayhem. Rory Culkin is strong as Euronymous, smug and arrogant at the start and learning a little humility only when it’s far too late. Emory Cohen has a few effective moments as Varg, but there are also stretches where the character and Cohen’s performance just comes across as being .… well, goofy. Director Jonas Akerlund may have started as a drummer for a black metal band but the film leaves you with the feeling that he doesn’t care much for the scene or have much use for the people who populate it and it’s difficult to get emotionally involved with a film that doesn’t seem to really care about its characters. It’s a well-made and at times disturbingly graphic film, but in the end it never quite convinces the uninitiated that they should care about this story.

The Films of Dario Argento: Phantom Of The Opera

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Dario Argento spent years trying to bring his version of The Phantom of the Opera to life.

Argento has said that he’s always been fascinated by the story of the mysterious and deformed man living underneath the Paris Opera. He has described watching Arthur Lubin’s 1943 version of the tale as one of the formative events of his childhood. In the ’70s, when he was at the height of his popularity, Argento sought to film his own version of the story in Moscow. When that didn’t work out, Argento put his plans for the Phantom aside. It wasn’t until he was filming Trauma and caught a television airing of the 1925 Phantom of the Opera that Argento returned to the project. Argento’s version of The Phantom of the Opera was released in 1998 and was dismissed by most critics. Even today, it has a reputation for being Argento’s worst film. It’s also not an easy one to see. Whereas most of Argento’s films are always streaming somewhere, The Phantom of the Opera usually is not.

Argento’s Phantom of the Opera opens in Paris in the 19th century. A baby is placed in a basket and, much like Moses, is set adrift in a river. A group of empathetic rats save the baby. The baby grows up to be the Phantom of the Opera (Julian Sands), a classically handsome man who lives in the sewers and protects the rats from anyone who might try to harm them. (Just as rats are killed if they leave the sewers, humans are killed if they enter them.) After the Phantom hears Christine Daaé (Asia Argento) singing alone on the stage of the Paris Opera, he approaches her in the empty theater and tells her that her singing has brought light to his heart. The Phantom and Christine develop a telepathic bond, and she becomes the only person whom he allows to enter the sewers and live. Sometimes Christine loves the Phantom and sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes the Phantom is a tragically romantic figure and sometimes he’s just a black-clad figure who bites people’s tongues out of their mouths. The Phantom becomes obsessed with Christine, and Christine becomes just as obsessed with the Phantom. Meanwhile, Christine’s other suitor—the aristocratic Raoul (Andrea Di Stefano)—smokes opium, hallucinates that Christine has turned into a prostitute, and languidly watches as two men jump into a pool and fight over the merits of Rimbaud. Painter Edgar Degas makes a cameo appearance but manages to avoid the Phantom’s wrath.

As I mentioned earlier, The Phantom of the Opera is not one of Argento’s more highly regarded films. It’s a slow-paced film, one in which the action often seems to go off on strange tangents that don’t really pay off in the long run. (The opium den brings to mind the deliberately ugly orgy scenes that Tinto Brass directed for Caligula, just without the subversive snap.) Argento attempts to portray the Phantom as both an achingly romantic figure and the type of sociopath who brutally kills anyone who enters the sewer. If he were only killing the rat catchers, the Phantom’s actions could be understood. But as soon as he kills two lovers who just happened to be looking for some privacy, it becomes impossible to sympathize with him. Argento’s attempt to portray The Phantom of the Opera as a story of romance sits uncomfortably with scenes in which the Phantom forces himself on Christine.

That said, I actually like Julian Sands’s performance as the Phantom. Argento’s Phantom is not disfigured in any way and, while that may go against the spirit of the story, at least it means Julian Sands didn’t have to wear a mask while filming his role. Sands exudes a cool, sexy danger, and that makes him just right for Argento’s version of the character. Asia Argento plays Christine as someone who only looks innocent, and it does bring an interesting subtext to the story. Indeed, if not for the prologue featuring the rats saving the Phantom as a baby, one could interpret the Phantom as a manifestation of Christine’s own psychosis. As for the rats, they are yet another example of Argento suggesting that animals have special telepathic powers. For all the criticism Argento has taken for the mystical animals he has included in his later films, it appears to be an idea Argento really likes. Personally, I think there’s a quirky charm to it, but I seem to be in the minority.

I can defend elements of The Phantom of the Opera, but I can’t really defend the film as a whole. It’s a bit too cluttered in its storytelling, and the mix of grand romance and brutal violence doesn’t really work. If this film had been made earlier in Argento’s career, perhaps he could have recreated the grandeur of Paris, but at a time when his films were no longer automatic box-office hits and when the Italian film industry itself was struggling, The Phantom of the Opera often looks cheap and unconvincing. Every director has the occasional misfire. Dario Argento has The Phantom of the Opera.

The (Reviewed) Films of Dario Argento:

Horror On The Lens: The Phantom Of The Opera (dir by Rupert Julian)

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi there and welcome to October! This is our favorite time of the year here at the Shattered Lens because October is our annual horrorthon! For the past several years (seriously, we’ve been doing this for a while), we have celebrated every October by reviewing and showing some of our favorite horror movies, shows, books, and music. That’s a tradition that I’m looking forward to helping to continue this year!

First released in 1925, The Phantom of the Opera is today best known for both Lon Chaney’s theatrical but empathetic performance as the Phantom and the iconic scene where Mary Philbin unmasks him. However, the film is also a perfect example of early screen spectacle. The Phantom of the Opera was released during that period of time, between Birth of the Nation and the introduction of sound, when audiences expected films to provide a visual feast and Phantom of the Opera certainly accomplishes that. Indeed, after watching this film and reading Gaston Leroux’s original novel, it’s obvious that the musical was inspired more by the opulence of this film than by the book.

This film is also historically significant in that it was one of the first films to be massively reworked as the result of a poor test screening. The film’s ending was originally faithful to the end of the novel. However, audiences demanded something a little more dramatic and that’s what they got.

Lisa Marie Takes A Look At The Amazing Race 39.1 “Sorry, Guys, We Used Our Express Pass”

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Of all the reality shows that we watched together, The Amazing Race was always my mom’s favorite. She enjoyed watching the racers as they traveled to different countries and struggled to make their way through new cities without getting eliminated. I’ve always enjoyed it too. If Big Brother is about getting production on your side and Survivor is about strategy, The Amazing Race is often about the importance of just being nice to the people that you meet on your travels. It doesn’t matter how athletic or clever you are. If you tick off your taxi driver by yelling at him, there’s a chance you won’t make it to the next Pit Stop in time to avoid being eliminated.

My mom also always liked Phil Keoghan, the Race’s longtime host. Just as Jeff Probst was once the perfect host for Survivor, Phil is the perfect host for The Amazing Race. Phil is earnest and enthusiastic and, unlike both Probst and Julie Chen Moonves, he seems to actually have a sincere investment in each team of racers. When a team does their best and still gets eliminated, Phil is there to offer comfort. When a team does something sneaky to get to the Pit Stop, Phil is there with a look of disappointment to let them know that they’ve failed to live up to the mission of The Amazing Race.

I think my mom would have enjoyed last night’s season premiere. I know I did. At a time when every long-running reality show is piling on twist after twist, The Amazing Race has thrived by keeping things simple. Even when a twist is introduced, it’s usually a fairly straightforward one. This season, every team is starting out with an Express Pass. The Express Pass can be used only once, and it can only be used through the sixth leg. Also, only one team can use an Express Pass per challenge. So, if the team ahead of you uses their Express Pass to get out of doing a Roadblock, you can’t then use your Express Pass to catch up with them. It’s not a bad idea and, by giving all 13 teams a pass, the show keeps things fair. (That’s the sort of thing that Big Brother has still not figured out how to do.)

The first leg took place entirely in Vancouver and, by the end of it, three teams had already used their Express Pass. Erin and Javi used their Express Pass to get out of the season’s first Roadblock. (Personally, I think they’re going to regret using it that early in the season, especially when they probably could have done the Roadblock fairly easily.) Because the Detour featured two tasks to choose from, two teams were able to use their Express Passes. Dylan and Doug used their pass because Doug was exhausted after the Roadblock. Dafina and Saran used their pass because they realized they were running behind.

Here are my thoughts on each team, in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop.

Coming in first were Erin and Javi. Erin and Javi are newlyweds. Erin is the self-described “breadwinner” and Javi… well, who knows? Javi seems kind of useless. This team came on strong during this leg, but they’ve already wasted their Express Pass, and they seem like a couple that’s going to end up fighting as soon as they find themselves running behind.

In second place, we’ve got Conner and Garrett. They’re childhood friends! They both seem kind of obnoxious, but they still came in second without wasting an Express Pass, so I think they’re going to be around for a while.

In third place, it was Michelle and Matthew! Michelle owns an auto parts store, and Matthew says that he’s a former R&B singer. I actually think these two are going to do well in the Race. They both seem to be athletic, they worked well together, and they don’t seem to secretly hate each other like Erin and Javi do.

In fourth place, it was Doug and Dylan! Doug is 72 and his grandson Dylan is 18. I liked Doug from the minute he said, “Oh heck yeah,” during the Roadblock. That said, Doug was moving pretty slowly after that Roadblock, and they had to use their Express Pass to come in fourth. I’m hoping for the best for this wholesome team, but I’m not optimistic.

In fifth place, it was the sisters, Katie and Charlotte. I always support the sister teams because Erin Nicole and I often joked about trying out for The Amazing Race. Otherwise, they didn’t make a huge impression this episode. They seem like a middle-of-the-road team.

In sixth place, it was Anaur and his daughter, Andrea. This is another team that just seemed like they were kind of there. They finished right in the middle of the pack, so it’ll be interesting to see if they move up or if they start moving down.

In seventh place, Anne-Marie and Riley! Anne-Marie and Riley are the mother-daughter team. A mother-daughter team has never won The Amazing Race before, and I have a feeling that it’s not going to happen this season either.

In eighth place, Jody and Jenn! They’re best friends and they’re both moms. They didn’t make much of an impression otherwise. I don’t really see them sticking around for too long.

In ninth place, Dafina and Saran. They’re sisters and they seem nice. They had to use their Express Pass to come in ninth. That’s not really a reason for optimism, but it does seem like, every season, there’s a team that surprises the viewers by surviving a bad first leg and then becoming one of the stronger teams. It wouldn’t surprise me if that happened with Dafina and Saran.

In tenth place, Ali and Joanna. Phil introduced them as being “soccer royalty.” Sorry, Phil. The World Cup is over and I’m back to not caring about soccer. Ali was one of the players who took a knee during the national anthem, so I’m actively rooting for this team to be eliminated.

In eleventh place, we’ve got Cody and Jaime. They are a brother/sister team, and I don’t think they’re going to be around that much longer.

In twelfth place, we’ve got Daisha and Dalton, this season’s dating couple. Again, coming in next-to-last is never a good sign as far as the early legs of the Race are concerned. On the plus side, they’ve still got their Express Pass.

And finally, brothers Zack and Nate were the last to reach the Pit Stop, and they were the first to be eliminated. It’s a shame because they did seem nice, but they were also struggling from the start of the leg to the end of it. As soon as they got a lengthy profile about their lives back in Dallas, I knew Zack and Nate were probably going to be eliminated.

I’m happy The Amazing Race is back! Hearing Phil shout, “Go!” was exactly what I needed to hear. Tomorrow, the Race heads to Spain!

Lisa Marie Takes A Look At Survivor 51.2 “Weaponized Honesty”

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Who doesn’t enjoy a chaotic Tribal Council?

Of course, the interesting thing about last night’s Tribal Council was that it didn’t start out particularly chaotic. It was Savu’s first experience with Tribal, and Jeff Probst guided them through the usual discussion about what was happening at camp. Everyone agreed that the tribe felt like a family. Some people mentioned that they were annoyed with a certain person at camp. (That person was Eric.) Some people mentioned that they weren’t sure they could trust one of their tribemates. (That tribemate was Ana.) We, the viewers, knew that the vote was going to come down to either Eric or Ana, and we knew it would probably be a close one.

Rob, however, did not know that.

Rob, who is a force of chaos if nothing else, went through a remarkable and somewhat implausible transformation this episode. He went from being obsessed with voting Eric out to being obsessed with keeping Eric in the game. Rob told the producers that he felt it was his duty to give someone a second chance at life. (Rob is a bit self-important.) Before Tribal, Rob approached Eric and told him that he couldn’t explain what he was going to do or why, but that Eric had to trust him.

So, what did Rob do? Right before it was time to vote, Rob suddenly asked Probst if he could take Eric to the side and talk to him. As the entire tribe watched, Rob whispered to Eric that everyone was going to vote Eric out and that Eric needed to play his Shot in the Dark. If the Shot in the Dark failed, Rob would use his immunity idol to save Eric. Rob then told the rest of the tribe that he was asking Eric a question to determine whether or not he would vote for him.

When it came time to vote, Rob decided to vote for himself. Presumably, Rob did this so he wouldn’t get on anyone’s bad side during the vote. Production told him that he wasn’t allowed to do that. So Rob instead voted for Eric, the guy he was trying to save.

When it came time to tally the votes, Eric did not play his Shot in the Dark. Rob rolled his eyes and did not play his idol. It turned out, however, that Eric knew more about the vote than Rob did. By a vote of 6-4, Ana was the one voted off the island. Ana looked shocked, despite the fact that she basically spent this entire episode alienating her tribemates by talking about randomly targeting people. Ana was so distrusted that the tribe decided to keep Eric, one of the most socially awkward people to ever play the game, over her.

(In the end, Alexis, Christian, Eric, Kirstin, Linnea, and Sharonda all voted for Ana. Rob, Ana, Ori, and Carter voted for Eric.)

This week’s episode definitely left me smiling. After weeks of unanimous Big Brother votes, it’s always nice to be reminded that anything can happen at a good Tribal Council. Eric, who seemed like a goner, lived to laugh another day. And Rob basically just sabotaged his game for no good reason, because now the most talkative guy on the tribe knows that Rob has an idol.

A few other notes:

“There’s my thumb.” Thanks for sharing, Brady! Actually, for all the hype that Brady’s injury received, hitting his thumb with the axe didn’t seem to slow Brady down at either of last night’s challenges. It was interesting to compare Brady’s reaction to hurting his thumb to Kirstin’s more stoic reaction to spraining her ankle.

The immunity challenge was brutal for the Savu tribe. Jeff Probst loves to say, “You’re still in this!” but it became pretty clear, early on, that Savu was not in it. Savu also lost the reward challenge during this episode. For now, at least, the Toka tribe appears to be working better as a team.

I loved the sight of Probst ranting and yelling at everyone to keep fighting during the immunity challenge. Soaked by the rain, Jeff Probst went from being Survivor’s somewhat goofy host to being an Ahab-like figure, yelling as the tribe tried to move a fake whale through the water. (You probably had to be there.)

Lewis returned from Exile and joined the Toka tribe. Lewis immediately told everyone every single detail about his trip to Exile, including the fact that there’s an immunity idol sitting atop a mast. Lewis — what are you thinking!? Lewis is just trying to be honest, but I could tell that most of the tribe didn’t believe him when he said that he didn’t get the idol. Now he’s got Kilby, of all people, talking about targeting him.

Speaking of idols, Jelly found Toka’s idol. So, as of now, there are three idols in play. Rob has Savu’s idol and, last night, he revealed that fact to Eric. Jelly has Toka’s idol and, so far, only Patt knows that she has it. And the third idol is currently sitting atop a mast on Exile Island.

Finally, the cringiest moment of last night’s episode had to be Eric trying to teach everyone on Savu how to do improv. I kept expecting him to yell, “Michael Scarn — FBI!” To be honest, that was probably enough to justify voting him off the island. I’m actually surprised he survived.

Music Video Of The Day: Female of the Species by Space (1996, dir by Gerald McMorrow)

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Shock, shock horror, horror, shock, shock horror

I’ve always liked this song and it feels like exactly the right choice for the first music video of our October horrorthon! The story behind this song is actually rather sweet. The lead singer of Space knew that his father didn’t care much for the music that he was producing so he wrote this song as a tribute to the type of music that his father did like. The end result was one of the band’s biggest hits.

The video has a certain James Bond feel to it. And by that, I mean this song would be great for one of the Sean Connery/Roger Moore films. Not the Daniel Craig films. The Daniel Craig movies suck. I’ll never get over what they did the world’s greatest secret agent.

Enjoy!

Horror Song of the Day: Something Wicked This Way Comes by Barry Adamson

Posted on October 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s song of the day is Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Barry Adamson.

This instrumental work appeared on the soundtrack for David Lynch’s 1997 film, Lost Highway, and its one of my favorite pieces of music. It’s amongst the songs that I tend to play whenever I’m dealing with writer’s block or if I just need an extra boost of energy to finish up a project. This song also seems like the perfect way to kick off our annual Horrorthon!

I also have to say that the video below, which was put together by Jessie Essex, is amazingly cool.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 5.5 “Love and Marriage”

Posted on September 30, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, OJ Simpson falls for a blonde. Uh-oh.

Episode 5.5 “Love and Marriage”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 8th, 1989)

TD Parker (OJ Simpson) and Kristy Fullbright (Shannon Tweed) end up working closely together while searching for a new punter. Kristy is in the process of getting a divorce from her husband. TD is already divorced and has been chasing after almost every woman that he sees. Still, TD doesn’t know if he should get involved with someone with whom he works. Kristy, meanwhile, isn’t sure that she isn’t still in love with her husband….

Meanwhile, Zagreb goes on a dating show but is humiliated when his date, Colleen (Mitzi Kapture), says that he was a terrible date whose breath smelled like garlic. The entire team watches the show and starts to chant, “Colleen! Colleen!” Ha hah, everyone hates Zagreb. Later, Colleen approaches Zagreb at the bar and tells him that the show told her to say a lot of negative stuff about Zagreb but, actually, she wants to date him again. Isn’t Zagreb married? I remember that there was a huge storyline about him getting married during the third season.

Finally, Bubba and Jethro are taken to small claims court over an incident that happened at the bar. Jethro decides that he would like to get together with the plaintiff.

But let’s get back to OJ Simpson and Shannon Tweed. I don’t know if I can express just how boring it is to watch two mid actors with zero screen presence fall for each other. Because it’s impossible to look at TD Parker and not see OJ Simpson, I found myself getting very worried as I watched TD obsess on an emotionally fragile blonde. At the end of the episode, it looks like TD and Kristy are finally going to hook up but then Kristy’s husband calls and says he’s not sure if he wants a divorce. Kristy says she’s not sure either. TD leaves Kristy’s house, looking regretful.

As I’ve mentioned before, the presence of OJ Simpson add a subtext to every scene that undoubtedly was not there when this show first aired. OJ is supposed to look wistful as he leaves the house. Instead, I found myself hoping that Kristy would remember to lock all the doors that night and definitely not go out to dinner at Mezzaluna.

I guess the important thing, though, is that Bulls got a new punter.