Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.17 “Scarlet Rose”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops investigate a 50 year-old cold case.

Episode 4.17 “Scarlet Rose”

(Dir by Paul Brown, originally aired on March 7th, 1999)

In the 1940s, Santa Monica was shaken by the brutal murder of an actress nicknamed the Scarlet Rose. Her ghost is said to haunt the ballroom where she used to dance and where it’s believed she met her still-unknown murderer. Now, after nearly 50 years, the ballroom is reopening as the Scarlet Rose Ballroom.

Bobby Cruz, who has long been haunted by the stories about the Scarlet Rose, attends the grand opening, where everyone is dressed like it’s the 1940s and swing dancing. When he meets Lily (LuAnne Ponce), he’s stunned because she looks just like the Scarlet Rose. Lily explains that she is Scarlet’s granddaughter and that she’s looking not only for the truth about who killed her grandmother, but also for what happened to a valuable necklace Scarlet owned.

Bobby suspects that Walter (William Schallert), an older man who hangs around the club, might have had something to do with Scarlet’s murder. He also suspects that it might somehow be linked to a recent robbery at a jewelry store. He takes his suspicions to T.C.

“We are going undercover!” T.C. announces.

Yes, this is yet another episode in which the members of Pacific Blue go undercover. These episodes never make sense to me, because the members of Pacific Blue are bicycle cops. They’re not detectives. They’re not trained to go undercover. They’re trained to ride around on their bikes, hand out traffic tickets, and secure crime scenes until the real detectives can show up.

In this episode, going undercover means that Monica gets a job singing at the club while Cory and Jamie hang out at the bar and glare at everyone like the two biggest killjoys in existence. It isn’t just that it doesn’t make any sense for these people to be working undercover. It’s also that none of them are particularly good at it. Cory and Jamie may be dressed up like 1940s femme fatales, but they still give off an immediate cop vibe.

For the record, the case of the Scarlet Rose is solved. It turns out that she was murdered by an associate of Los Angeles gangster Mickey Cohen. Considering that Cohen was a real person, it feels a little unfair to pin a fictional murder on him, but I guess Pacific Blue felt that, since he wasn’t around to complain, it wouldn’t be a problem.

(The Scarlet Rose was clearly based on the Black Dahlia murder case. It seems like every few years, someone publishes a book claiming to have solved the Black Dahlia case. Former LAPD detective Steve Hodel built an entire literary career out of accusing his late father of being responsible for the Dahlia’s murder and practically every other unsolved murder in California.)

A few positive things can be said about this episode. The 1940s-style costumes were to die for. The real-life band Jumpin’ Jimes provided the episode with a great soundtrack, and the swing dance scenes were nicely choreographed. The Scarlet Rose Ballroom looked like a fun place to hang out. Not even the dour presence of Cory and Jamie could suck the fun out of that place. Finally, old pro William Schallert gave a good performance as a potential suspect who wasn’t entirely what he seemed to be.

In other words, this was actually a pretty good episode of Pacific Blue. I’ll never understand why the bicycle cops were investigating a 50-year-old cold case, but whatever. It was still an entertaining episode.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.16 “Back At The Ranch”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

It’s the summer that will never end!

Episode 2.16 “Back at the Ranch”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 29th, 1994)

Mr. Belding had so much fun working with the Gang at Palisades Country Club that he decides to take them on a week-long trip to a real-life, functioning “dude ranch” that is owned by Screech’s uncle, Lester (Lewis Arquette).

Uhmmm …. okay.  Sure, that makes sense.  Whatever.

Actually, it makes no sense.  Do these kids not have families?  It’s the summer so they all get jobs working for their principal and now they’re going to a ranch with him?  And apparently, they’re going to be working as ranch hands or something?  I mean, what the Hell?  TAKE A REAL VACATION, KIDS!

Plus, since when has Screech had an Uncle Lester who owned a dude ranch?  This has never been mentioned before.  Screech apparently grew up around horses.  Really?  We’re talking about Screech here.

Anyway, Screech is excited to be at the ranch until he sees his cousin, Clint (Bart Johnson).  Clint used to bully Screech when he was a kid and Clint still acts like he knows more about horse-riding and gold-prospecting than Screech.  While Uncle Lester and Mr. Belding drive into town, Clint takes the Gang to search for gold in the hills.  Screech stays at the ranch and has a dream where he’s in an old-timey western.  Oh look!  The townspeople are all played by members of the Gang!  Tommy’s the blacksmith.  Wow.

Screech wakes up and sees that the horses have returned but the gang hasn’t.  That’s because Tommy didn’t adequately tie up the horses at the gold mine and they all ran off.  Clint was heading back to the ranch when he got thrown from his horse.  Now, he’s got a sprained ankle and there’s a rattlesnake nearby.  It’s a good thing that Screech has got his bicycle so he can ride up into the hills and save everyone!

This was one of the stupidest things that I’ve ever seen in my life.  And seriously, that’s all I’m going to say about it.

Scenes I Love: The Birds Attack in Birdemic: Shock and Terror


Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director James Nguyen!  Today’s scene that I love comes from Nguyen’s masterpiece, 2010’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror!

Those who claim that Brian De Palma stole too much from Hitchcock obviously never met James Nguyen.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special James Nguyen Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Happy birthday to director James Nguyen!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special James Nguyen Edition

Julie and Jack (2003, dir by James Nguyen)

Replica (2005, dir by James Nguyen)

Birdemic (2010, dir by James Nguyen)

Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013, dir James Nguyen)

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.6 “Something Special”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, a man rides a motorcycle and jumps over a plane.  Also, God bless Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

Episode 6.6 “Something Special”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired November 21st, 1982)

Ponch is working with the Special Olympics and is upset to discover that Mr. Grieve (Bert Kramer) isn’t even planning on coming out to see his son, Nicky (Ricky Wittman), compete. Ponch does some research and discovers that, in his youth, Mr. Grieve was an Olympic runner. Ponch tells Mr. Grieve that his son is an athlete too, just in his own way. Personally, I think Ponch should have beaten the hell out of Mr. Grieve and then arranged to adopt Nicky himself, but that’s just me.

Yes, this was yet another story where Ponch was the all-knowing wise man who knew how to fix everything. As I’ve said before, CHiPs eventually became The Ponch Show, and Ponch could do no wrong. Sometimes that could get annoying. In this case, though, I’m fully on Ponch’s side. I should mention that this has more to do with the Special Olympics than with any sudden affinity for Ponch as a character. The Special Olympics are one of the few good things that the Kennedy family has given us, and they always make me tear up. That was certainly the case with this episode.

This episode also featured a motorcycle daredevil! Now, I have to admit that I have a weakness for motorcycle daredevils. My inner country girl loves watching men risk their lives by jumping over wrecked cars and through rings of fire. In this episode, Shake Patterson (Robbie Knievel) wants to jump over a moving airplane, and his old friends Bobby and Bruce Nelson agree to work as his pit crew. There wasn’t much to this story, but I still got a little excited when Shake managed to clear the plane.

With Ponch coaching the Special Olympics and the Nelson brothers helping Shake risk his life, you may wonder if anyone actually did any police work in this episode. Klane (Charles Napier) has recently been laid off from his job at an auto factory. Now he is seeking revenge by vandalizing Japanese and German cars. Eventually, the Highway Patrol tracks him down to a warehouse. Klane has a bottle labeled “Nitroglycerin,” and he’s threatening to break it. Fortunately, Kathy Linahan (Tina Gayle) is able to convince him to give her the bottle and surrender.

Poor Klane! As played by Charles Napier, you couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the guy. He wasn’t evil. He was someone who had lost his job and now felt like he didn’t have anything left to contribute to the world. He lost the one thing that gave his life meaning.

You know what? Considering that this is a final-season episode of a show that was definitely showing its age, “Something Special” is actually pretty good! (You thought I was going to say it was something special, didn’t you? I was tempted, but I decided that was too easy.) This was a throwback to what CHiPs did best. There was a daredevil stunt. There were plenty of chases. There was a lot of California scenery. And finally, there was that last title card, thanking the athletes of the Special Olympics.

The was a good episode.

Lisa Marie’s Oscar Predictions For August


It’s that time of the month again.

It’s time for me to list my Oscar predictions. As far as wild speculation is concerned, the current Oscar race still feels like it’s off to a slow start. There seems to be a general assumption that The Odyssey is going to dominate both the nominations and the awards, and that there isn’t much point in considering what else could be nominated.

I do think The Odyssey is going to be a big contender. I also think Project Hail Mary will still be in the conversation at year’s end. Fjord won the Palme d’Or at Cannes, which has become a fairly good precursor for nominations, if not for the actual awards. As for the rest of the nominees, it’s still pretty much a guessing game at this point.

Here are a few of my guesses:

  1. Digger will not be the powerhouse some people are predicting. Even when he was winning Oscars, Alejandro G. Iñárritu was still a dreadfully pretentious and self-important director. That tendency has only increased in the years since he won his second directing Oscar.
  2. Michael will get a lot of hype, but it won’t be nominated for much because of the controversy around Michael Jackson’s later legal troubles. Colman Domingo might still get in, because the Academy always enjoys nominating someone for playing a bad father.
  3. The Social Reckoning and Ink will both get middling reviews, but both will be nominated for reasons that have more to do with politics than quality.
  4. Wild Horse Nine will be nominated but, like most of Martin McDonagh’s films, people will either love it or hate it. John Malkovich will be a strong contender for Best Actor, if only because he’s not getting any younger and this might be the Academy’s last chance to honor one of the best actors of his generation. Either Steve Buscemi or Sam Rockwell will be nominated for Supporting Actor. I went with Buscemi because he’s never been nominated before.
  5. The Debut, I Play Rocky, and Mr. Irrelevant will benefit from being crowd-pleasers.
  6. In the style of Siân Heder’s previous film, CODA, Being Heumann will be the nominee that nobody really thinks about until after it’s actually nominated.

You can check out my predictions from March, April, May, June, and July to see how my thinking has evolved over the year.

Best Picture
Being Heumann
The Debut
Fjord
I Play Rocky
Ink
Mr. Irrelevant
The Odyssey
Project Hail Mary
The Social Reckoning
Wild Horse Nine

Best Director
Danny Boyle, Ink
Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, Project Hail Mary
Martin McDonagh, Wild Horse Nine
Cristian Mungiu, Fjord
Christopher Nolan, The Odyssey

Best Actor
David Corenswet, Mr. Irrelevant
Matt Damon, The Odyssey
Ryan Gosling, Project Hail Mary
Anthony Ippolito, I Play Rocky
John Malkovich, Wild Horse Nine

Best Actress
Sandra Hüller, Fatherland
Ruth Madeley, Being Heumann
Julianne Moore, The Debut
Inde Navarrette, Obsession
Renate Reinsve, Fjord

Best Supporting Actor
Steve Buscemi, Wild Horse Nine
Matt Dillon, I Play Rocky
Colman Domingo, Michael
Paul Giamatti, The Debut
Jeremy Strong, The Social Reckoning

Best Supporting Actress
Colleen Camp, Club Kid
Anne Hathaway, The Odyssey
Sandra Hüller, Project Hail Mary
Scarlett Johansson, Paper Tiger
Samantha Morton, The Odyssey

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.17 “The Battle of Las Vegas”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Frank Homan returns.

Episode 1.17 “The Battle of Las Vegas”

(Dir by Aaron Lipstadt, originally aired on February 6th, 1987)

The hotel and resort workers of Las Vegas are going on strike, and when union leader Slim Mahoney (Frederick Coffin) tells Luca that the unions have no interest in working with the mob (ha!), Luca responds by having Pauli use a big truck to run Slim over.

With Slim dead, Luca tries to maneuver a mob stooge named Sam Taylor (Lee Ving) into the presidency of the union. When Mahoney’s protégé, Roger Jankowski (Anthony Heald), argues that the union cannot sell out to the mob, Abrams and Torello show up at a union meeting to reveal that Sam is crooked and to lead everyone in a pro-union chant. Really?

Okay, the union stuff was a little bit too on-the-nose and silly. That said, at least Stanley Tucci showed up as a bombmaker who was recruited to make trouble for the striking workers. Unfortunately, for those hoping to see him in future episodes, he ended up getting arrested and apparently hanged himself in his cell.

The highlight of this episode wasn’t any of the union stuff. It was the return of Frank Holman (Ted Levine). When we last saw Holman, he was testifying that Luca was a crime boss (true) and that Torello was on the take (false). When Luca and Pauli come across Holman performing with a rock-and-roll band in Vegas, they have a surprising reaction. They drive Holman out to the middle of the desert and .… forgive him. Of course, Holman does make the claim that the only reason he lied about Torello was so that the case against Luca would fall apart. Could Holman be telling the truth? I doubt it. Holman doesn’t seem to be that smart. But Luca decides that he doesn’t care one way or the other, and he welcomes Holman back into his organization.

Why is Luca so forgiving? My personal theory is that Holman, like Pauli, is a symbol of everything that Luca gave up to become a power in Las Vegas. Luca was probably at his happiest when he was breaking into houses with Pauli and Holman. Now that he’s the boss, he doesn’t get to do the dirty work anymore. And yet, it’s obvious that Luca misses it. He’s a born criminal. For that reason, he’s willing to keep Holman and Pauli around, regardless of how much they screw up. In his way, Luca is the most sentimental character on the show.

Of course, Luca isn’t one to let sentiment get in the way of making money. Some things just take precedence.

Join #MondayMania For My Mom Robs Banks!


Hi, everyone!  Tonight, on twitter, I will be hosting one of my favorite films for #MondayMania!  Join us for My Mom Robs Banks!

You can find the movie on Prime and then you can join us on twitter at 9 pm central time!  (That’s 10 pm for you folks on the East Coast.)  See you then!

Scenes That I Love: Cleopatra


1963’s Cleopatra is a guilty pleasure of mine.

On the one hand, it’s a historically inaccurate portrayal of the events leading to the transformation of the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire.  The pace is often slow.  Some of the performances are regretful.  It’s a film that was first envisioned as being a cheap B-picture but ended up nearly bankrupting 20th Century Fox.  Of all of the movies released in 1963, it sold the most tickets and yet, because of the films huge production costs, it still lost money.

On the other hand, it’s a truly gigantic film, one that recreates the perhaps imagined splendor of the ancient world and which does it without the use of CGI.  The film may not exactly embrace historical accuracy but it does embrace the melodrama.  And, finally, you have scenes like the one below, in which it was obvious that Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton couldn’t wait for the cameras to stop rolling so they could toss off the costumes and make some history of their own.