Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.1 and 2.2 “Nightmare Cove”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, we start season 2 of Baywatch.  Canceled by NBC, Baywatch found a new home in syndication.  The show was re-launched with a special two-hour premiere.  (For subsequent re-airings, the premiere was split into two episodes.)

Episode 2.1 and 2.2 “Nightmare Cove”

(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan, originally aired on September 23rd, 1991)

A year and half after the final episode of Bayside’s network run, the show returns to the beach.

On the one hand, the basic idea is the same.  David Hasselhoff plays Mitch Buchanan, a divorced father who loves nothing more than being a lifeguard.  Eddie (Billy Warlock) and Shauni (Erika Eleniak) are two young lifeguards who are in love (though their engagement from the previous season is not mentioned).  Don Thorpe (Monte Markham) is Mitch’s no-nonsense boss. The sunsets are still beautiful.  The beaches are still inviting.

And yet, there are a few differences:

  1. Craig, Cort, Gina, Garner, and Trevor are nowhere to be seen.  (Craig, Cort, and Garner will all eventually return.  Gina and Trevor will never be mentioned again.)
  2. Hobie, Mitch’s son, is now played by Jeremy Jackson.
  3. Richard Jaeckel, who played doomed life guard Al Edwards in the pilot film, is now playing Ben Edwards, who apparently is meant to be the same character as Al.  (Mitch specifically mentions that Ben broke his leg when the pier collapsed, retconning Al’s heroic death into a mere injury.)
  4. Cort may be gone but there’s a new money-hungry lifeguard named Harvey (Tim McTigue).
  5. The second season premiere features even more musical montages than appeared in the first season.
  6. The second season premiere features a lot of random shots of women in skimpy bikinis.
  7. The red Baywatch one-piece swimsuits are back but now, they’re considerably tighter and more high-cut.
  8. The new Baywatch was airing in syndication.

I get the feeling that the Baywatch cameraman probably got together and all chanted, “Syndication, baby!” before running out onto the beach.  Even though the second season premiere is still far from what Baywatch would eventually become, one can already see the development of the aesthetic that led to it becoming the number one show for 90s frat boys and dads suffering from a midlife crisis.

As for this episode, there are rumors of an underwater monster and everyone wants in on the action.  Mitch saves an underwater photographer and falls in love for an episode.  Hasslehoff’s then-wife, Pamela Bach, plays a reporter whose editor wants sensationalized stories about the “beast of the bay.”  Of course, the beast of the bay is actually just the creation of an offshore oil company who wants to drill and ruin the environment because why not?  Luckily, one of the lifeguard, Devon (Andrea Thompson), is also an environmental activist.  Of course, Andrea Thompson is not listed in the opening credits so I imagine we’ll never see Devon again.

While Mitch is investigating the monster, Shauni rescues a little girl from drowning and then gets involved in the family’s life.  The family is black and the little girl’s brother is being recruited by a street gang so the very white Shauni arranges from him to join the junior lifeguards instead.  Shauni’s critical father (Albert Stratton) is impressed but I have to admit that I found the storyline to be a bit condescending.  Like a lot of 90s shows, Baywatch was at its weakest when it tried to deal with real-life issues.  It’s hard not to notice that whenever a guest actor who wasn’t white showed up on episode of Baywatch, they were always either being tempted or pressured to join a gang or they were trying to get out of the gang lifestyle.

In this episode, there’s an odd moment when Hobie decides to go into a storm drain and pretend to be the monster, which leads to a panic on the beach and monster hunters showing up with guns.  Mitch shows up and ends the situation before it gets too out-of-hand but you really do have to wonder if maybe Hobie would be better off with his mother.  I mean, seriously, Mitch — what are you doing here?  Your son is apparently an idiot who never learned anything from the dozen or so times his life was put in danger during the first season.

Finally, Thorpe gets promoted and he wants Mitch to take his place as chief.  Mitch argues that the new chief should be Ben Edwards.  Since apparently Ben has the power to come back from the dead, I can see Mitch’s logic.  In the end, Thorpe agrees.

And that’s it for this episode.  It’s definitely Baywatch but it’s still not quite as fun as the show would eventually become once it fully embraced just how ludicrous things could get in syndication.  This episode — and I imagine the rest of this season — feels like a show that is still making the transition from network television to anything-goes syndication.  Eventually, the show will get David Charvet, Pamela Anderson, and David “The Bulge” Chokachi.  During season 2, it was still just Billy Warlock and Erika Eleniak.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.8 “Undercover”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Chris goes undercover.

Episode 2.8 “Undercover”

(Dir by Terrence H. Winkless, originally aired on October 13th, 1996)

A smarmy detective wants Chris to go undercover to help investigate a suspected money launderer, Tim Wakefield (Scott Plank).  Palermo argues that Chris doesn’t have enough experience to work undercover but the detective asks Chris, “What do you want to do?  You ready to get out of those bicycle shorts and do some real police work?”

I have to admit that line cracked me up.  It really made the whole episode.  Palermo got offended, as he always does whenever anyone points out that bike cops look silly with their shorts and their crisp white shirts.  What was great about the line was that it was true.  The detective may have been smarmy but he was right about Chris being invited to do “real police work” and he was right about bike cops not being real policemen.  Everyone know it’s true!  Seriously, if a bicycle cop ever tries to pull you over, just slam down on the accelerator.  What are they going to do?  Chase you when you’re going over 30 mph?  I think not!

(Seriously, two seasons in and the show is still trying to convince us that bike cops are real cops.  Sorry, Palermo, it’s not going to happen!)

That said, this episode’s main plot still ended up falling flat because Chris is not a very interesting character and her whole undercover thing wasn’t particularly credible.  When she went undercover, she still came across as being just as stiff, humorless, and unlikable as when she’s riding her bike and threatening people with arrest.  Tim Wakefield, of course, fell for her and Chris was supposed to be attracted to him and conflicted about her assignment and I never bought it for a second.

(As for Wakefield, he turned out to be not as bad of a guy as everyone assumed.  He was arrested but his lawyer got him off and the episode ended with him sending Chris a postcard from some tropical beach.  I think Chris was supposed to be wistful as she looked at the postcard but, since Darlene Vogel was apparently only capable of one facial expression, who knows for sure?)

Meanwhile, Cory dealt with being stalked by a mentally unstable ex-boyfriend,  Wasn’t it just last week that Cory’s partner was being stalked by a mentally unstable woman?  This show certainly does enjoy repeating itself.  While Palermo worried about Chris, TC and Victor chased some roller-blading teens who were shooting random tourists with paintballs.  The roller-blading scenes were kind of exciting but, unfortunately, they had to share space with all of the awkward bicycle scenes.

This episode had its moments.  The roller-blading was cool.  The detective making fun of Palermo was gratifying.  Overall, though, the fact that the show centers around bicycles continues to be a flaw that simply cannot be overcome.  There’s simply no way to make anyone riding a bicycle look impressive, I don’t care how serious they try to look.

Sorry, Pacific Blue.