Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.7 “Damaged Goods”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike cops are it again.

Episode 4.7 “Damaged Goods”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on October 4th, 1998)

Bobby has a new girlfriend named Annie (Tracy Hutson).  Bobby says that he’s in love with her.  Meanwhile, Granger is in lust with Annie’s best friend, Jo (Shannon Elizabeth, in an early role).  After Granger sleeps with Jo, Jo tells him that he owes her $200.  It turns out that both Jo and Annie get paid to have sex.  Meanwhile, Annie’s roommate is found dead below a 6-story window.

Chris is convinced that Annie’s roommate was murdered.  TC and Cory disagree.  TC is especially angry because he thinks Chris is spending too much time hanging out with her friends in Homicide.  Oddly enough, none of those friends show up in this episode.  As well. no one from the Vice Squad shows up to investigate the campus prostitution ring.  Instead, this is yet another episode where it somehow all falls to the bicycle cops.

Monica goes undercover and joins Jo and Annie’s therapy group, where Dr. Alicia Alper (Joyce Hyser) teaches that prostitution is empowering.  Soon, Jo recruits Monica to work as a an escort.  Or, at least, I think it was Jo.  This episode is edited in such a haphazard way that it was hard to keep track of what was actually going on.

This episode finds Cory worrying about how she’s going to survive as a single mom.  Her ex-boyfriend, Doug (Owen McKibben), returns and says that he wants to be in the baby’s life.  Cory says that it’s been over a month since Doug reacted to the news of her pregnancy by walking out on her.  Doug threatens to sue for the right to be a part of the baby’s life.  Cory has a miscarriage.  She says it was due to the stress Doug put her under.  Doug says that it was due to Cory still working a very physically demanding and rough job despite being pregnant.  I felt so bad for Cory in this episode, especially since the only person (other than Doug) who bothered to visit her in the hospital was Chris, who is pretty much incapable of feeling or showing emotion.

Anyway, it turns out that Annie’s roommate was murdered by a client and then the client was murdered by Dr. Alper.  However, when the bike cops arrest her, several other woman all walk up and declares that Dr. Alper is innocent because they killed the client.  However, Dr. Alper confesses.  Bobby breaks up with his girlfriend.  That’s probably for the best.  Everyone knows Bobby should be with Monica.

This episode …. oh God.  I mean, it tried to liven things up a little.  There were a lot of intense interrogation scenes and a lot of jump cuts that were apparently meant to create tension.  We would watch Chris ask a question and then jump to someone in a totally different room answering an unrelated question.  It was very showy but it wasn’t very effective.  These folks aren’t hard-boiled detectives.  They’re bicycle cops.

Seriously, where were the real detectives?

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.6 “Brian’s Girlfriend”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week, it’s a 4th of July episode that aired in September.

Episode 2.6 “Brian’s Girlfriend”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 24th, 1994)

Oh Hell, it’s another country club episode.

The country club is having a tip competition for the 4th of July.  Whoever gets the most tips will have their earnings matched by the club.  Megan wants to win so she can send her parents on a cruise.  (How did Bayside go from being a school full of wealthy trust fund brats to one full of poor people?)  Bobby decides to give her all of his tips so she can win.  That sounds like cheating to me.

Meanwhile, due to Screech’s stupidity, Mr. Belding ends up with a terrible sunburn.  (Screech was supposed to bring the sunscreen but he brought salad dressing instead.)  This leads to countless scenes of Screech slapping Belding on the back and causing him agonizing pain.  Ha ha, I guess.

Meanwhile, Brian makes Rachel jealous by pretending to like the new tennis instructor (Brittney Powell).  She likes him too, even though he’s like 16.  When a guilt-stricken Brian finally admits that he was only pretending to like her, the tennis instructor says, “You’re a jerk!” and she’s right.  But I guess it doesn’t matter because Brian’s plan works and he and Rachel end up sharing a kiss while watching the 4th of July fireworks.

What type of show airs their 4th of July episode in September?

The country club episodes are so annoying.  If I wanted to watch people work, I could just go hang out at Target for 30 minutes.

Song of the Day: Any Way You Want It (by Journey)

Posted on by Arleigh

Okay, so you’ve probably heard Any Way You Want It by Journey at a sports game, a movie, or blasting from someone’s car with the windows down. And yeah, it’s a classic rock anthem, but let me tell you why you need to actually listen to it like it’s your new favorite song. First off, that opening riff? Pure adrenaline. It kicks in with this chugging, joyful energy that doesn’t let up. Steve Perry’s vocals are famously sky-high and smooth, but the real secret weapon here is how the whole band locks into this unstoppable groove. It’s not complicated—it’s just fun. If you’re in a bad mood, hit play. I guarantee you’ll be tapping your steering wheel by the ten-second mark.

Now, let’s talk about the guitar solo, because that’s where Neal Schon earns his legend status. It starts at 1:34, right after the second chorus when the song pulls back just for a breath. And then—bam. Schon doesn’t waste time with flashy nonsense. He comes in with this biting, melodic line that feels like a conversation. It’s not about showing off speed (though he’s got plenty); it’s about attitude. The solo builds with these perfect bends and a little wah pedal flavor, then climbs higher and higher until it just explodes into a fiery run that hands the energy right back to Perry for the final chorus. From 1:34 to about 2:00, it’s pure rock and roll perfection.

What I love most is how the solo doesn’t overpower the song—it serves it. So many guitar heroes try to steal the spotlight, but Schon is playing like he’s part of a team. You can hear him weaving in and out of the rhythm section, almost dancing with the bass and drums. And that tone? Crisp, a little overdriven, but never muddy. It’s the sound of someone who knows exactly when to let a note ring out and when to smash into the next one. If you’ve ever thought Journey was just a “ballads band,” this solo will change your mind fast.

Bottom line: Any Way You Want It is a shot of pure joy, and the guitar solo from 1:34 to 1:45 is the heart of the whole thing. Put on headphones, crank the volume, and just focus on how Schon makes his guitar sing, shout, and then whisper all in under thirty seconds. Then hit replay, because I promise you’ll miss something the first time. Give it two listens—one for the vocals, one for the solo—and you’ll wonder how you ever slept on this track. It’s not deep, it’s not complicated. It’s just perfect. Any way you want it, that’s the way you’ll need it. Trust me.

Any Way You Want It

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

She loves to laugh
She loves to sing
She does everything
She loves to move
She loves to groove
She loves the lovin’ things

Ooh, all night, all night
Oh, every night
So hold tight, hold tight
Ooh baby, hold tight

Oh, she said
Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it
She said, any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

I was alone
I never knew
What good love could do
Ooh, then we touched
Then we sang
About the lovin’ things

Ooh, all night, all night
Oh, every night
So hold tight, hold tight
Ooh baby, hold tight

Oh, she said
Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it
I said, any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

[guitar solo]

She said ohh, hold on, hold on, hold on
Oh, she said any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

She said any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That’s the way you need it

Great Guitar Solos Series

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Vilmos Zsigmod Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we pay tribute to the legendary cinematographer, Vilmos Zsigmond.  Born 91 years ago today in Hungary, Zsigmond got his start in the 60s with low-budget films like The Sadist but he went on to become one of the most in-demand cinematographers around.  In fact, of all the people who started their career working on a film that starred Arch Hall, Jr.,  it’s hard to think of any who went on to have the type of success that Zsigmond did.

Zsigmond won one Oscar, for his work on Close Encounters of Third Kind.  He was nominated for three more.  He also received a BAFTA award for his work on The Deer Hunter and was nominated for an Emmy for his work on Stalin.  He’s considered to be one of the most influential cinematographers of all time.

In honor of the legacy of Vilmos Zsigmond, here are….

4 Shots From 4 Films

Deliverance (1972, dir by John Boorman, DP: Vilmos Zsigmond)

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977, dir by Steven Spielberg, DP: Vilmos Zsigmond)

The Deer Hunter (1978, dir by Michael Cimino, DP: Vilmos Zsigmond)

Blow Out (1981, dir by Brian De Palma, DP: Vilmos Zsigmond)

Music Video of the Day: Rag Doll by Aerosmith (1988, directed by Marty Callner)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

This music video comes from a time long ago, when Aerosmith still had their edge and weren’t best-known for movie ballads.  Director Marty Callner filmed this video in New Orleans because he wanted to capture the feeling of Mardi Gras and he succeeded. Previously dismissed as washed-up, Aerosmith made a huge comeback in the late 80s.  This video definitely helped.

As for Marty Callner, he was one of those directors who worked with everyone who was someone.  He also went on to direct several stand-up specials, working with the likes of Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.23 “Trained For Trouble”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, there’s an interesting crime spree but nothing is more important than Ponch’s feelings.

Episode 5.23 “Trained For Trouble”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired on April 4th, 1982)

Animals have been trained to steal money!  A hawk swoops down and steals a bag of cash from an armored car.  Chimpanzees rob a bank!  It’s madness and the Highway Patrol has its work cut out for them as they attempt to catch whoever has trained these criminal animals.  (The minute that one sees Don Stroud’s name in the guest star list, it’s pretty easy to guess who is responsible.)

That may sound like a cute idea for a show and, to be honest, it is.  However, this episode is somehow less concerned with the animals robbing banks than it is with every woman in Los Angeles mistaking Ponch for a Chippendale’s dancer.  It turns out that one of the male strippers — “Officer Richard” — looks like just like Ponch.  Richard is credited as being played by “Angelo Bernardi.”  Seeing as how Bernardi has no other credits on the imdb other than this episode, I’m not convinced that wasn’t Erik Estrada stripping off his uniform.

Consider this to be your weekly reminder that, during the fifth seasos, CHiPs was….

From what I’ve read, Larry Wilcox left this show after the fifth season specifically because he felt Erik Estrada was getting all of the good storylines and had basically become the producer’s pet.  Watching this episode, you can see why he would be upset.  While Estrada spends the episode being chased by every woman in Los Angeles, Wilcox gets a handful of forgettable lines.

On a positive note, this episode did feature the character actor Dan Hedaya, playing someone who chronically confesses to unsolved crimes.  His character was, at least, a little interesting.  He also got more lines than Larry Wilcox in this episode which, again, perhaps explains why Jon Baker returned to Wyoming after the fifth season.

 

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.7 “Pursuit of a Wanted Felon”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, the Torello marriage falls apart.

Episode 1.7 “Pursuit of a Wanted Felon”

(Dir by Aaron Lipstadt, originally aired on October 28th, 1986)

Last week, a recently acquitted man named Hector (Ving Rhames) was arrested after murdering his landlord.  Torello, Danny, and David Abrams were all upset.

This week, they’ve all moved on.  Sorry, Ving Rhames, you were only a one-episode guest star.

David is pursuing his relationship with Suzanne Terry (Pam Grier).  At a cocktail party, Detective Walter Clemmons (Paul Butler), the black member of the Crime Squad, approaches Suzanne and warns her that she shouldn’t be pursuing a relationship with “that white boy.”  Seriously, this is the first time that Walter’s gotten any real dialogue since the show began and it’s basically to tell Suzanne not to pursue an interracial relationship.  “We’re only seven years out from integration,” Clemmons says, an awkward piece of dialogue that is meant to remind viewers that this show takes place in 1963.  The show actually deserves some credit for being realistic about how many people would have viewed David and Suzanne’s budding romance in 1963.  I just find it interesting that the show’s only regular black character is the one who is shown objecting while all of the white Chicago cops don’t have a problem with it.  Who knew the Chicago police force was so progressive in the early 60s?

(I really want to like Stephen Lang’s performance as David but something feels off about it.  It’s not a bad performance.  I stand by my earlier praise.  It’s just that David is such a caricature of an early 60s liberal that it is sometimes hard for me to tell if his character is supposed to be satirical or not.  In episodes like this, where David is portrayed as being a cool hipster, Lang can seem a bit stiff and miscast.  He’s much better when he’s giving an emotional speech in court.)

Luca continues to prove himself indispensable to Manny Weisbrod.  In this episode, he blows up a union leader who doesn’t want to take orders from the mob.

Finally, Mike and Julia Torello split up in this episode.  It’s not really a shock.  Mike Torello is extremely intense and obsessed with his job.  He’s tightly wound, to the point where he seems like he might just randomly shoot someone at any given moment.  An attempt to take a relaxing vacation with Julie is a disaster.  (The motel is tacky.  The service is mediocre.  Mike spends the entire time threatening the staff and complaining.)  As soon as Torello returns to Chicago, he hops on a plane for Cleveland in an unsuccessful attempt to capture Frank Holman.  When Torello returns home, he finds that Julie is preparing to go out with another man.

“You are not going to watch my TV,” Torello says, before grabbing the TV and leaving the apartment with it.

Does that scene sounds familiar?  That’s probably because Michael Mann later reused the scene, almost word-for-word, in Heat.  It’s a good scene.  It’s certainly the most memorable moment in this episode.

Otherwise, this episode felt a bit bland.  Torello’s doomed marriage isn’t really that interesting and I actually kind of got annoyed with David and Suzanne going to a cocktail party when they really should have been trying to get Hector out of prison.  I laughed at Torello’s irritation at the hotel and his line about the TV.  Those were the highlights.  The rest of this installment was forgettable.

I Watched G.I. Jane (1997, Dir. by Ridley Scott)

Posted on by Dazzling Erin

Demi Moore plays the first woman ever to be accepted for Navy SEAL training.  Anne Bancroft plays the senator who sponsored her but secretly wants her to fail.  Viggo Mortensen is the hardass drill sergeant who I think is secretly in love with Demi Moore even though he doesn’t admit it during the movie.  Ridley Scott directed, so the movie looks and sounds great.  Demi shaves her head and tells Viggo to “Suck my dick.”  All the other SEALS-in-training start shouting, “Suck my dick!” at each other.  It becomes their rallying cry.  That will put the fear in the hearts of America’s enemies.

When I first saw G.I. Jane, I really liked it.  I got really caught up in whether or not Demi Moore would complete her training and prove all the chauvinists wrong.  Rewatching the movie today, I realized that it was silly for me to worry about whether or not Demi Moore would become a SEAL.  Of course she does!  If she didn’t, the movie would be a real downer.  This movie was made back when Demi Moore was always cast as serious women who never laughed and who were always intense.  If they didn’t let Demi Moore become a SEAL, she would have burned down the entire Navy.

Rewatching, I still liked the movie.  Demi Moore and Viggo Mortensen having a glare-off?  Be still my beating heart!  Demi Moore wants to become a SEAL but Sen. Anne Bancroft betrays her.  So much for sisterhood!  Is the movie saying that women belong in combat but not the Senate?  It better not be!  Maybe we need a sequel where Demi Moore takes down the new Ayatollah and then runs for the Senate.

I wanted to end this review by telling you about the real first woman to complete Navy SEAL training but I discovered that hasn’t happened yet.  Hopefully, it will soon.  Demi Moore didn’t shave her head for nothing.