What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night around midnight, you could have turned over to Showtime and watched Arsenal, a film that had a brief theatrical run in January and which has now made its way to cable.

Arsenal tells the story of two brothers.  When we first meet them, they’re kids and they’re living with their uncle.  But then their uncle kills himself and the two brothers find themselves going down very different paths.  JP (who is played, as an adult, by Adrian Grenier) turns a part-time job mowing lawns into a full-time job as the owner of a construction company.  Meanwhile, Mikey (played, as an adult, by Jonathon Schaech) stumbles across gangster Eddie King (Nicolas Cage) while Eddie is busy killing a man.  JP heads for a life of respectability.  Mikey heads for a life of crime.  Much like the Bulger brothers, they remain close despite their differing lifestyles.

But who cares about the brothers?  Adrian Grenier and Jonathon Schaech both do the best that they can with these two underwritten parts but ultimately, neither JP nor Mikey is that interesting.  If anything, they’re like the guys who you keep around as backups in case the guy you really like never works up the courage to talk to you.  Instead, let’s discuss about Eddie King.

As I said before, Eddie King is played by Nicolas Cage.  As you can probably guess, Cage does not exactly show anything resembling restraint when he plays King.  That may not be surprising but what is surprising that, after twenty years or going totally overboard in almost every role that he’s played, Cage can still surprise audiences by just how far he’s willing to go.  Every time that you think Cage’s performances can’t get any more bizarre, something like Arsenal comes out and proves you wrong.

There is so much to love about Cage’s batshit crazy performance as Eddie King.  For one thing, it makes absolutely no sense.  If you look at real-life mobsters, one thing that becomes clear very quickly is that the best ones may have been sadistic but they were usually smart enough to know when to lay low.  Eddie, on the other hand, never lays low.  He’s so crazy that he might as well be wearing a shirt that reads, “I kill people and then laugh about it.”  So, not only do you have Cage giving one of his most over-the-top performances but, for some reason, he’s also wearing this extremely fake nose and the movie doesn’t really make much of an effort to disguise the fact that it’s a fake nose.  I mean, you can literally see the glue that’s holding the fake nose over the old nose.  And then there’s Cage’s haircut, which would appear to suggest that Eddie King shares a barber with every pervy humorist who has ever had a job working for Minnesota public radio.  When we first see Eddie, he’s gruesomely killing a man and Cage gets so into it and there’s so much blood flying that I was half-expecting Eddie to then turn into Pennywise the clown.  Eddie gets another scene where he writes a letter to his dead brother.  Cage acted the Hell out of that scene.  It’s as if he was saying, “You thought my Left Behind performance was strange?  CHECK THIS OUT, DAMN YOU!”

Of course, Cage isn’t the only good actor acting weird in Arsenal.  John Cusack plays a cop.  He always wears sunglasses and a cap and he also keeps his shoulder slouched.  Was it a character thing or was Cusack sincerely hoping no one would recognize him in the movie?  I’m not really sure but it’s still fun to try to figure out.

Anyway, Arsenal is your typical low-budget gangster film, where there’s a lot of yelling and people getting shot and tortured and all the rest of the usual crap.  There are thousands of these films and they tend to blend together into one tedious mass of pointless mass of sadism.  One of the brothers gets kidnapped.  The other one has to shoot a lot of people.  Bleh.  Boring.  Outside of the people who need something to watch while at the Russian mafia sleepover, who cares?  WAKE ME WHEN THE BULLETS HAVE STOPPED FLYING AND IT’S ALL OVER!  But at least Cage and Cusack are around to keep things kind of interesting.

Previous Insomnia Files:

1. Story of Mankind
2. Stag
3. Love Is A Gun
4. Nina Takes A Lover
5. Black Ice
6. Frogs For Snakes
7. Fair Game
8. From The Hip
9. Born Killers
10. Eye For An Eye
11. Summer Catch
12. Beyond the Law
13. Spring Broke
14. Promise
15. George Wallace
16. Kill The Messenger
17. The Suburbans
18. Only The Strong
19. Great Expectations
20. Casual Sex?
21. Truth
22. Insomina
23. Death Do Us Part
24. A Star is Born
25. The Winning Season
26. Rabbit Run
27. Remember My Name
28. The Arrangement
29. Day of the Animals
30. Still of The Night