Today’s song of the day comes from Ennio Morricone’s score for Once Upon A Time In The West.
Tag Archives: review
Scenes That I Love: The Alien Arrives in Robert Wise’s The Day The Earth Stood Still
On this date, 112 years ago, filmmaker Robert Wise was born in Winchester, Indiana. He started his career as an editor (and was Oscar-nominated for his work on Citizen Kane) and then eventually branched out into directing. From the mid-forties to the year 2000, Wise directed every genre of film. He won two Oscars for Best Director, one for West Side Story and one for The Sound of Music. He was also the first director to helm a Stark Trek film with 1979’s Stark Trek — The Motion Picture.
Today’s scene that I love comes from Wise’s 1951 masterpiece, The Day The Earth Stood Still. In this scene, America watches as a UFO darts across the sky and eventually lands in Washington D.C. Though it’s a simple scene, it deftly captures the wonder of the moment.
Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 5.2 “The Con”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
This week, the Bulls get a new quarterback.
Episode 5.2 “The Con”
(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 18th, 1989)
Following the murder of Doug Clayton (who, if I remember correctly, was still alive in last season’s flash-forward), the Bulls need a new quarterback. T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) is contacted by a former player who now works as a prison guard. Vito Del Greco (Chris Meloni) is the prison’s best quarterback. He’s been serving time on a manslaughter charge, but he’s set to be released. T.D. watches Vito throw the ball once and signs him.
Coach Denardo isn’t happy. “I’m not a parole officer!” Kristy Fulbright and Michael Westwood aren’t happy either. They want a big name at quarterback. T.D. believes in Vito but still agrees to put him on the inactive list. A previously unseen and unmentioned player named Lenny Santino is hired as the new quarterback.
Vito struggles to fit in with the other Bulls and to adjust to being a free man. Billy Cooper makes the mistake of singing “Jailhouse Rock” off-key and gets punched out. “Nobody makes fun of Elvis!” That night at a bar, Vito is nearly goaded into another fight. (His manslaughter conviction came from a bar fight.) He announces, “Del Greco is dead,” and leaves.
That weekend the Bulls play their first game of the season. Under Santino’s uncertain leadership they lose 41–7. In the owner’s box, Kristy wonders what happens when the Bulls lose. T.D. tells her that when you lose, the fans chop off your head. Well, T.D. would know something about that.
In the locker room, Vito approaches T.D. and says Del Greco is dead. His name is now Johnny Gunn, and he is going to be the new quarterback of the California Bulls. T.D. gives him a shot because “Johnny Gunn… that sounds like a quarterback to me!”
Meanwhile, Bubba is stunned to learn his wife is cheating on him. Zagreb is tricked into a phony stock scheme. It turns out Billy and Dr. Death set him up as revenge for Zagreb’s tell-all memoir.
After the Bulls went undefeated last season, it was kind of nice to see them lose this week. It’s always more fun to root for the underdogs. As you probably already guessed, the most interesting thing about this episode is the introduction of a young, intense, rather skinny Chris Meloni as Vito Del Greco, a.k.a. Johnny Gunn. Meloni even had hair. That’s how old this episode is.
Will Johnny lead the Bulls back to the championship game? We’ll see.
Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.10 “By Hook or by Crook/Revenge with the Proper Stranger/Don’t Get Mad, Get Even”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Love, life’s sweetest reward….
Episode 8.10 “By Hook or by Crook/Revenge with the Proper Stranger/Don’t Get Mad, Get Even”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1984)
Missy (Heidi Bohay) boards the boat with her husband, Jack (William R. Moses). Missy is upset that Jack had an affair so she decides to even score by having one of her own. She also decides that it should be with the biggest loser on the ship, the better to make Jack feel bad. She selects Lester (Ken Kercheval), who is loud and obnoxious and wears an old timey nightshirt to bed. Lester is convinced that he’s a legendary lover. However, he never gets a chance to prove it to Missy because Missy ultimately decides to forgive her husband. That’s probably for the best.
Consumer advocate Marvin Cooperman (Ray Buketencia) is upset when his wife, Carol (Jan Smithers), take an advertising job with the owner of Ms. Brown’s Brownies, Ellen Brown (Devon Erickson). Eventually, Marvin realizes that he needs to stop devoting all of his time to work and that Carol has every right to pursue a career of her own. Marvin takes over the Acapulco Lounge to let all the passengers on the ship know that he loves his wife and that Ms. Brown’s Brownies are the best. I guess Marvin was meant to be a less evil version of Ralph Nader.
Finally, Judy is feeling depressed about her divorce. When she falls for a handsome, bearded passenger named Mike (Patrick Wayne), it looks like she’s finally got something to be happy about. However, Gopher worries that there’s something strange about Mike. What is Mike trying to hide? In fact, why is Mike using the name Mike when his actual name is Sam? Could Mike be a criminal!? No, actually, Mike is an FBI agent and he’s using a fake name so he can safely go on vacation without the cartels trying to assassinate him. Gopher feels dumb. Judy’s in love. But seriously …. this guy has got a contract out on his life. Don’t get too attached, Judy! This story would have been great if Lauren Tewes was still on the show. Pat Klous is fine as Judy but the character just doesn’t have the same sibling chemistry with Gopher and Isaac that Julie did.
This cruise goes in the pleasant but forgettable file. There was nothing particularly bad about it but there wasn’t really anything great about it either. It was The Love Boat on autopilot and the ocean was lovely.
Song of the Day: Sweetly, Oh Sweetly by Riz Ortolani and Diana Corsini
Today’s song of the day comes from the soundtrack of Ruggeo Deodato’s The House On The Edge of the Park. Composed by Riz Ortolani and sung by Diana Corsini, Sweetly Oh Sweetly may sound like an innocent song but its use in Deodato’s controversial film is anything but that.
Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.18 “Thicker Than Water”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, the Pumpkin Man strikes! It’s even dumber than it sounds.
Episode 4.18 “Thicker Than Water”
(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on March 21st, 1999)
A mob lawyer and his wife have been murdered, and for some reason the bicycle patrol is investigating the case instead of Homicide. When it becomes apparent that the lawyer’s son, Andy Jr. (Scotty Cox), has disappeared, Cory makes it her mission to track him down. This is yet another episode where Cory is willing to do whatever it takes to solve the case. Of course, in Cory’s case, that usually means walking around and glaring at people.
Cory discovers that Andy Jr. is with his real mother, a stripper named Angela (Angela Marsden). Angela was the dead lawyer’s mistress. When Cory tracks down Angela, she learns that Andy doesn’t know his father is dead, but he does know that “the Pumpkin Man” came to the house. Meanwhile, the FBI sends over an agent who is big and bald… JUST LIKE THE LEAD SINGER OF SMASHING PUMPKINS!
You may think that I’m making this up, but no, it’s very, very true. Andy calls the killer the Pumpkin Man because he thinks the killer looks like Billy Corgan. When he sees the FBI agent, Andy shouts, “The Pumpkin Man! SMASHING PUMPKINS!”
Because Cory is currently in hiding with Angela, the bicycle patrol decides to go undercover. Monica gets a job dancing at the strip club. Well, of course she does. Whenever T.C. says that someone is going undercover, that means Monica is going to be looking for clues while undressed. One of the more annoying things about this season is that Monica always does a good job while she’s undercover, but no one ever gives her any credit for it. Instead, the other members of the bike patrol just roll their eyes and give an exasperated sigh whenever Monica says something. If they have a problem with Monica constantly flirting with all of the bad guys, they might want to talk to T.C., since he’s the one who keeps assigning her to do it.
This episode was dumb even by Pacific Blue standards. I already mentioned that it makes no sense for a bunch of uniformed bicycle cops to be investigating a high-profile murder. It also doesn’t really make any sense for a bike cop to go undercover at a strip club. I mean, isn’t that what Vice is for? There’s also a moment where T.C. tells off the FBI for trying to interfere with the investigation. I think the FBI ranks higher than the bike patrol. Finally, the kid playing young Andy was an absolutely lousy actor, and that crooked FBI agent may have been bald, but he still didn’t look that much like Billy Corgan.
Someday I’m going to run out of Pacific Blue episodes to review. It can’t come soon enough.
Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.17 “Wanna Bet?”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
This week, we’re back at the ranch.
Episode 2.17 “Wanna Bet?”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 5th, 1994)
Uncle Lester and Cousin Clint are out-of-town for some reason and Screech has been left in charge of the dude ranch.
This is already the stupidest episode of Saved By The Bell: The New Class yet.
It’s up to Screech to set up the end-of-the-week square dance but when he gets to be too bossy, Mr. Belding refuses to work with him. Screech tells Lindsay to tell Belding that he’s no longer speaking to him. Lucky Mr. Belding.
Less lucky are the members of the Gang, who are hustled by two con artists and lose all of their summer earnings in a crooked poker game. Megan has a crush on one of the con artists but she changes her mind when he refuses to give back the money. Luckily, the sheriff is looking for the con artists so all Screech and Belding have to do is keep them from leaving the ranch, which they do by challenging the con artists to a poker game. Screech is such a bad poker player that the sheriff arrives before the first hand has even been successful dealt.
Belding hopes that the Gang has learned an important lesson about gambling. Tommy D swears that he’s never going to gamble again.
“You can bet on it!” Bobby says.
I think I lost brain cells watching this crap.
Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.7 “This Year’s Riot”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, it’s Balboa Day!
Episode 6.7 “This Year’s Riot”
(Dir by Richard A. Colla, originally aired on November 28th, 1982)
It’s Balboa Day weekend, and that means the beach is going to be full of drama and bikinis. (Full disclosure: Before this episode, I had never heard of Balboa Day before. I guess it’s a California thing.) Ponch and Bobby are assigned to keep an eye on things on a small island off the California coast. When an irate homeowner pulls a shotgun on teenagers who keep trespassing on his property, it’s up to Ponch and Bobby to talk him down before someone gets hurt. When a wealthy woman (Julie Newmar) tries to establish a nude beach, it’s up to the Highway Patrol to tell everyone to put some clothes on.
Meanwhile, Doc (Gary Morgan) is selling drugs on the beach and causing trouble. He even sells some to Grossman’s socially awkward nephew, Russell (Robbie Rist). Luckily, Ponch is there to chase Doc down. When Doc makes it onto a barge, he thinks he’s escaped. He grins and mockingly waves goodbye. Ponch rides his motorcycle off the dock, glides through the air, and lands on the barge.
“And he calls me a hot dog!” Bobby says, watching.
And really, that’s all Bobby can do. It’s certainly not as if Bobby or any other member of the Highway Patrol would have been allowed to take down the episode’s main villain. That’s not how things work when Ponch is around. When Larry Wilcox said that he was tired of the producers always favoring Erik Estrada and left after season 5, the producers could have taken that as a sign that the show didn’t always have to be exclusively the Ponch Show. Instead, they appear to have learned the opposite lesson. During the sixth and final season, the series is more about Ponch than ever. Of course, in the role of Bobby, Tom Reilly isn’t exactly the most convincing cop in the world. He comes across as a bit spacey, like a California beach bum who somehow got through the Police Academy. Larry Wilcox was always believable as a cop. When it came to riding a motorcycle and looking manly while writing tickets, Wilcox could easily keep up with Estrada. Reilly, on the other hand, always seems like he’d rather be surfing.
Ponch gets the bad guy in this one and makes the beach safe for people of all ages. Seriously, is there anything Ponch can’t do? As for the episode itself, it was bland but likable, largely because of the beach scenery. Robbie Rist is best remembered for playing Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch. He’s even more annoying as Russell here. Not only is he rude to his uncle, he’s also dumb enough to take drugs before trying to go sailing. What a dummy. It’s a good thing this is the Ponch Show and Ponch can do no wrong. Otherwise, Russell would have been in a lot of trouble.
Next week, Ponch falls in love.
Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.18 “The Survivor”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988. The entire show can be found on Tubi!
This week, a future Oscar winner briefly joins the cast.
Episode 1.18 “The Survivor”
(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on February 13th, 1987)
Torello has managed to get an undercover FBI agent into Luca’s casino. Jack Claymore (James Gammon) is a tough, rough-hewn character who immediately befriends Pauli. The only thing that both Torello and Jack worry about is that someone Jack previously busted might get hired at the casino and blow Jack’s cover. Abrams’s assistant, Steve Altman (William Converse-Roberts), has been assigned to keep an eye on who Luca is hiring.
Steve, however, is a bit distracted by the fact that Torello is dating his ex-wife, Lisa (Hannah Cox). When Steve married Lisa, he adopted her teenage daughter, Tracy (played by a very young Julia Roberts). Tracy, however, hates Steve. When Lisa reads Tracy’s diary, she discovers why: Steve spent their entire marriage sexually abusing Tracy.
When Torello confronts Abrams with this information, Abrams offers to kick Steve off the task force, but Torello is worried about the publicity. (Is he worried about Tracy having to testify, or is he worried about the task force being exposed? The episode doesn’t make it clear, but knowing Torello, it’s possible that both things are true.)
For his part, Steve gets so angry and distracted that Jack’s cover is nearly blown when someone he previously arrested shows up at the casino without warning. Luckily, a member of Torello’s old MCU, Nate Grossman (Steve Ryan), just happens to be at the casino, so Jack punches him out and gets himself arrested. Luca is impressed that Jack hit a cop and, as a result, Jack moves up in the casino’s hierarchy.
As for Steve, he has a psychotic break. He breaks into Torello’s apartment and, while holding a tape recorder, demands that Tracy say she was lying about him. Terrified, Tracy does so. However, everything about the way Steve talks to her and the way Tracy reacts proves that she didn’t lie at all. After a high-speed chase with Torello, Steve kills himself in his motel room.
There’s an interesting moment toward the end of the episode where a Las Vegas detective insinuates that Torello murdered Steve and made it look like a suicide. When Abrams and the rest of the former MCU members object, Torello tells them to stop. “He’s just doing what I would do,” Torello says. It’s a moment that reminds us that being a cop means trusting no one.
This is a powerful episode. It was also Julia Roberts’s very first role. There’s not much about her performance that would make you think she was destined to become a big star. She was obviously inexperienced when it came to acting on camera. That said, her awkwardness is perfect for the character.
This episode ends with Lisa and Tracy leaving Vegas. Torello, once again, is alone. His only constant companion is his obsession with Ray Luca.
Song of the Day: Convoy by C.W. McCall
On this Labor Day, our song of the day is dedicated to all of the independents out there. Convoy is usually described (somewhat dismissively) as being either a one-hit wonder or a novelty song but seriously, “We just ain’t gonna pay no toll,” is one of the greatest lyrics ever written and, in this post-COVID era, it’s a reminder that the human spirit was never meant to be regulated.
Someone tell the authoritarians. Someone warn the bureaucrats. Someone alert anyone who thinks they have the right to tell other people how to live their lives. We’ve got a mighty convoy and it’s a beautiful sight.
Ah, breaker one-nine, this here’s the Rubber Duck. You gotta copy on me, Pig Pen, c’mon? Ah, yeah, 10-4, Pig Pen, fer shure, fer shure. By golly, it’s clean clear to Flag Town, c’mon. Yeah, that’s a big 10-4 there, Pig Pen, yeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddy. Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy…
Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
In a Kenworth pullin’ logs
Cab-over Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin’ hogs
We is headin’ for bear on I-10
‘Bout a mile outta Shaky Town
I says, “Pig Pen, this here’s the Rubber Duck”
“And I’m about to put the hammer down”
‘Cause we got a little convoy
Rockin’ through the night
Yeah, we got a little convoy
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
‘Cross the USA, convoy
Ah, breaker, Pig Pen, this here’s the Duck. And, you wanna back off them hogs? Yeah, 10-4, ’bout five mile or so. Ten, roger. Them hogs is gettin’ in-tense up here
By the time we got into Tulsa Town
We had eighty-five trucks in all
But they’s a roadblock up on the cloverleaf
And them bears was wall-to-wall
Yeah, them smokies is thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a bear in the air
I says, “Callin’ all trucks, this here’s the Duck
We about to go a-huntin’ bear”
‘Cause we got a great big convoy
Rockin’ through the night
Yeah, we got a great big convoy
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
‘Cross the USA, convoy
Ah, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that, Pig Pen? Negatory, Pig Pen; you’re still too close. Yeah, them hogs is startin’ to close up my sinuses. Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten
Well, we rolled up Interstate 44
Like a rocket sled on rails
We tore up all of our swindle sheets
And left ’em settin’ on the scales
By the time we hit that Chi-town
Them bears was a-gettin’ smart
They’d brought up some reinforcements
From the Illinois National Guard
There’s armored cars and tanks and jeeps
And rigs of ev’ry size
Yeah, them chicken coops was full’a bears
And choppers filled the skies
Well, we shot the line and we went for broke
With a thousand screamin’ trucks
An’ eleven long-haired Friends a’ Jesus
In a chartreuse micra-bus
Ah, Rubber Duck to Sodbuster, come over. Yeah, 10-4, Sodbuster? Lissen, you wanna put that micra-bus right behind that suicide jockey? Yeah, he’s haulin’ dynamite, and he needs all the help he can get
Well, we laid a strip for the Jersey shore
And prepared to cross the line
I could see the bridge was lined with bears
But I didn’t have a dog-goned dime
I says, “Pig Pen, this here’s the Rubber Duck
We just ain’t a-gonna pay no toll”
So we crashed the gate doing ninety-eight
I says “Let them truckers roll, 10-4”
‘Cause we got a mighty convoy
Rockin’ through the night
Yeah, we got a mighty convoy
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
‘Cross the USA
Convoy! Ah, 10-4, Pig Pen, what’s your twenty?
Convoy! Omaha? Well, they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer shure. Well, mercy
Convoy! sakes, good buddy, we gonna back on outta here, so keep the bugs off your glass and the bears off your…
Convoy! tail. We’ll catch you on the flip-flop. This here’s the Rubber Duck on the side
Convoy! We gone. ‘Bye,’bye
Through the Shattered Lens 