GO SEE THIS MOVIE! I don’t remember when Star Wars came out, but I do remember when Empire did and I loved it. Yes, there were some deeper themes to these movies, but at their heart they were fun like a beach read. We, the fans, have made these films into something they never were serious think pieces. I just saw a youtube video where a guy was trying to describe the “correct” routes Han would have to take through the Kessel Run. Give it a rest!
This movie did what the last 6 have failed to do: Entertain. Rogue One was a melancholy piece of trash about sending an email on a vhs tape. BORING. The rest are mind-numbingly painful experiences that are determined to take themselves so seriously that I have had more fun reviewing license agreements for my latest Turbo Tax software. I really don’t care about Rey or the Ugly Gloomy Kid Kylo Ren who failed to get any of Han’s good looks. If I were Han, I would have called up Maury Povich about that kid.
This movie did what it was supposed to do first: entertain. It’s like the other movies never bothered to put that basic principle into the writers’ room. Ron Howard really did a great job with the film and Alden Ehrenreich really succeeded in capturing a pre-cynical, but still cocky Han. It could be that I also liked this story because Han reminds me the most of myself: edgy, cocky, wise-cracking, iconoclast, with devastating good looks.
The story even opens uniquely without any moody sad bullshit. Instead, it opens with some text, the title card, and Han driving away fast and furious, and a bit bloodied. There’s no everyone’s perfect and noble blah blah blah. Within 30 minutes, you are transported to a high-stakes futuristic train robbery that if it had a couple tumbleweeds and player piano, it would have been a great Western.
Han begins his quest because he loses his love Emilia Clarke. Han between you and me: you gotta lock that down. Other than Emilia, everyone else in the universe is gross and scaly even pretty people make ugly kids (see above) there must be radiation in this galaxy far far away or some such shit. Han figures that if he does enough smuggling and heists he’ll get enough cash, to buy a ship and get Emilia Clarke out of the hellhole from whence she came. It doesn’t quite work out the way he plans, but you see a great character arc as Han become more cynical and savvy as the rogue we will eventually love.
As he is going on his big heist, we watch his friendship develop with Chewy, Lando, and most of all the Millenium Falcon which comes across as a character herself. Most of the critics who have done middling reviews seem to focus on the box office, but unless you’re a shareholder of Newscorp or an accountant at 20th Century fox, why do you care?! Another bizarre critique is that it’s too fun or not melancholy enough as Rogue One. Okay, I have solution for the people who don’t think this amazingly well-done feature isn’t sad enough for them: Go see this film, then shortly thereafter do a search for political twitter and then click show threads or just look up one of your hollywood heroes and count the indictments.