Horror Guilty Pleasure No. 135: Critters (dir. by Stephen Herek)


Some movie monsters want to conquer the planet. The creatures in Stephen Herek’s Critters seem perfectly happy eating their way through whatever happens to be standing on it. There is something refreshing about villains with such uncomplicated priorities, especially when they look like the contents of a clogged vacuum cleaner fitted with shark teeth. This is the sort of movie where the appeal is right there in the premise: nasty little aliens descend on rural America, and a perfectly ordinary family has to survive the visit. As an ’80s genre guilty pleasure, it delivers the goods with an appealing lack of pretension.

The story gets moving when a group of carnivorous aliens escapes from an extraterrestrial prison facility and makes its way to Earth. Their arrival puts the Brown family’s Kansas farm directly in the path of a feeding frenzy, while two shape-shifting bounty hunters follow close behind. Unfortunately, these heavily armed visitors are not especially concerned about keeping the peace or leaving buildings intact. Between the hungry fugitives and their destructive pursuers, an otherwise quiet community gets more excitement than it could possibly need. The setup is ridiculous, but Herek understands that explaining it too much would only spoil the fun.

What gives Critters some substance beneath the silliness is its interest in the people whose evening gets ruined. The Browns are not especially complicated characters, but their everyday disagreements and familiar household routines make them feel like a family rather than a collection of future victims. Spending time with them before the attack also gives the farmhouse a sense of normality worth protecting. The monsters are not simply invading a convenient horror-movie location; they are barging into somebody’s home. That modest distinction helps the film generate more audience investment than its toothy little troublemakers might initially suggest.

Scott Grimes makes Brad an easy young hero to root for. He has enough mischievous energy to seem capable of causing problems before the aliens ever arrive, but he never becomes so obnoxious that his survival feels like an obligation. His resourcefulness grows naturally out of that personality, giving the movie a kid protagonist who can participate in the action without seeming completely detached from his surroundings. There is a pleasing wish-fulfillment element to watching an underestimated youngster step up when things go wrong. Grimes sells that without turning Brad into an impossibly polished miniature action star.

Dee Wallace provides another important source of credibility as Brad’s mother, Helen. She brings warmth and urgency to situations that, described out loud, sound almost impossible to play straight. That commitment helps establish the film’s balance: the audience can laugh at the monsters without feeling that the characters are merely participating in a comedy routine. The family’s fear and concern remain sincere even when the surrounding action gets goofy. Critters does not require powerhouse dramatic performances, but it benefits enormously from actors willing to treat an attack by murderous furballs as an actual emergency.

Naturally, the furballs themselves are the main attraction. They look like what would happen if the Tribbles from Star Trek suddenly decided to stop being cute and start being mean and really, really hungry. Their dark hair, glowing eyes, enormous mouths, and projectile quills turn an otherwise cuddly shape into something you would desperately want off your lap. The fun comes from their rotten personalities as much as their physical design. These are greedy, bad-tempered little creatures whose curiosity usually leads directly to destruction. Their appetite drives the action, but their attitude gives it flavor, making them entertaining even when they are doing little more than looking for their next meal.

The practical effects contribute plenty of charm, although they do not always maintain the illusion. Some movements are stiff, and certain shots make the creatures look exactly like the puppets they are. Still, their physical presence gives the mayhem a satisfying texture. They seem to belong in the same messy environment as the furniture, debris, and frightened actors around them. The movie also benefits from not making them too adorable. They can be funny without losing that unpleasant suggestion of something that might bite straight through your hand. Their limitations are visible, but so is the craftsmanship behind their grotesque little faces.

The bounty hunters bring a broader, more cartoonish kind of entertainment. Terrence Mann plays Ug, who adopts the appearance of rock star Johnny Steele, while his partner Lee cycles through human identities played by Ethan Phillips, Jeremy Lawrence, and Don Keith Opper. Mann does most of the pair’s comedic heavy lifting, giving Ug a wonderfully straight-faced intensity that makes his rock-star appearance and excessive firepower even funnier. Their destructive pursuit suggests that Earth’s rescuers might require almost as much cleanup as its invaders. These scenes provide some welcome absurdity, although they also contribute to uneven pacing. Whenever the film moves away from the farmhouse, the pressure surrounding the Browns tends to ease. The hunters are amusing, particularly Mann, but their antics are not always as engaging as the central siege.

The resemblance to Gremlins is difficult to ignore, but Critters works best when it is not treated as a contest. It offers a smaller, scrappier variation on miniature-monster chaos, with a straightforward survival story holding everything together. The scares are limited, the plotting is thin, and the effects occasionally wobble, yet the movie remains likable because it commits to its own ridiculous appeal. There is no need to pretend it is a neglected masterpiece to appreciate its pleasures. Sometimes a decent creature feature only needs an appealing cast, a little suspense, and some ugly space pests making a spectacular nuisance of themselves. Critters understands the assignment.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

  1. Half-Baked
  2. Save The Last Dance
  3. Every Rose Has Its Thorns
  4. The Jeremy Kyle Show
  5. Invasion USA
  6. The Golden Child
  7. Final Destination 2
  8. Paparazzi
  9. The Principal
  10. The Substitute
  11. Terror In The Family
  12. Pandorum
  13. Lambada
  14. Fear
  15. Cocktail
  16. Keep Off The Grass
  17. Girls, Girls, Girls
  18. Class
  19. Tart
  20. King Kong vs. Godzilla
  21. Hawk the Slayer
  22. Battle Beyond the Stars
  23. Meridian
  24. Walk of Shame
  25. From Justin To Kelly
  26. Project Greenlight
  27. Sex Decoy: Love Stings
  28. Swimfan
  29. On the Line
  30. Wolfen
  31. Hail Caesar!
  32. It’s So Cold In The D
  33. In the Mix
  34. Healed By Grace
  35. Valley of the Dolls
  36. The Legend of Billie Jean
  37. Death Wish
  38. Shipping Wars
  39. Ghost Whisperer
  40. Parking Wars
  41. The Dead Are After Me
  42. Harper’s Island
  43. The Resurrection of Gavin Stone
  44. Paranormal State
  45. Utopia
  46. Bar Rescue
  47. The Powers of Matthew Star
  48. Spiker
  49. Heavenly Bodies
  50. Maid in Manhattan
  51. Rage and Honor
  52. Saved By The Bell 3. 21 “No Hope With Dope”
  53. Happy Gilmore
  54. Solarbabies
  55. The Dawn of Correction
  56. Once You Understand
  57. The Voyeurs
  58. Robot Jox
  59. Teen Wolf
  60. The Running Man
  61. Double Dragon
  62. Backtrack
  63. Julie and Jack
  64. Karate Warrior
  65. Invaders From Mars
  66. Cloverfield
  67. Aerobicide
  68. Blood Harvest
  69. Shocking Dark
  70. Face The Truth
  71. Submerged
  72. The Canyons
  73. Days of Thunder
  74. Van Helsing
  75. The Night Comes for Us
  76. Code of Silence
  77. Captain Ron
  78. Armageddon
  79. Kate’s Secret
  80. Point Break
  81. The Replacements
  82. The Shadow
  83. Meteor
  84. Last Action Hero
  85. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
  86. The Horror at 37,000 Feet
  87. The ‘Burbs
  88. Lifeforce
  89. Highschool of the Dead
  90. Ice Station Zebra
  91. No One Lives
  92. Brewster’s Millions
  93. Porky’s
  94. Revenge of the Nerds
  95. The Delta Force
  96. The Hidden
  97. Roller Boogie
  98. Raw Deal
  99. Death Merchant Series
  100. Ski Patrol
  101. The Executioner Series
  102. The Destroyer Series
  103. Private Teacher
  104. The Parker Series
  105. Ramba
  106. The Troubles of Janice
  107. Ironwood
  108. Interspecies Reviewers
  109. SST — Death Flight
  110. Undercover Brother
  111. Out for Justice
  112. Food Wars!
  113. Cherry
  114. Death Race
  115. The Beast Within
  116. Girl Series
  117. Gone in 60 Seconds
  118. Swordfish
  119. Marked For Death
  120. The Internship
  121. The Angry Red Planet
  122. 2012
  123. Old School
  124. No Escape
  125. In Death Series
  126. Alligator
  127. Little Annie Fanny
  128. Wicked Wanda
  129. Congo
  130. The 13th Warrior
  131. Sudden Death
  132. The Convent of Hell
  133. Covent of Sinners
  134. Teen Witch

Icarus File No. 33: A Chorus Line (dir by Richard Attenborough)


A Chorus Line always leaves me feeling angry.

Now, I should make clear that I’m talking about the 1985 film adaptation and not the show that ran for 6,137 performances on Broadway.  The original show was a tribute to the so-called Broadway gypsies, the dancers who went from show to show and performed anonymously behind the star.  It was a portrait of both the veteran performers and the young up-and-comers who still dreamed of someday moving out of the chorus and becoming stars on their own.  When it opened in 1975, it was considered to be groundbreaking in its frankness about things like sexuality and aging.  It featured heartbreaking monologues and, even more importantly, amazing songs.  The show was a true tribute to people who lived to be on stage.

The movie, on the other hand, is about a jerk of a director named Zack (Michael Douglas) and his ex-girlfriend, a rather self-absorbed dancer named Cassie (Alyson Reed).

My main issue with the film can be seen right at the start.  We watch as a large group of dancers are put through a strenuous audition process.  Everyone is working hard, trying to make an impression on Zack in the little time that they have.  Zack sits in the darkness of the theater, a malevolent presence with a sharp, cigarette-shaped voice.  Most of the dancers will only know him as the pitiless voice that dismisses them from the audition.  We watch as everyone pushes themselves.  The older dancers try to ignore the aches and pain that come with age.  The younger dancers are desperate to finally get their big break.  It’s an exciting sequence, one that shows just how much hard work goes into even getting through the auditions to be a finalist for a part in the chorus.

The only dancer who isn’t there is Cassie.  Cassie has just flown into New York.  She’s stuck in traffic.  She doesn’t arrive until towards the end of the initial eliminations.  She is greeted by the assistant choreographer, Larry (Terrence Mann, who gives one of the better performances in the film).  At first, Zack refuses to allow Cassie to audition.  Cassie says she needs the job.  Zack replies that she’s too good to just be a member of the Chorus Line.

Now, actually, Zack is right about one thing.  Cassie should not be allowed to audition.  But it’s not because she’s too good to be in the chorus.  She shouldn’t be allowed to audition because she didn’t show up on time!  She’s showed up late!  There are sixteen finalists and only 8 spots available.  The other finalists showed up on time and have spent the entire day dancing and proving themselves.  They’ve worked hard for their spot.  They fought for the opportunity.  Cassie just shows up late and basically acts as if she’s entitled to take away one of their spots.

We’re continually told that Cassie is special but we don’t really see any evidence of it.  A lot of that is because the film was rather stodgily directed by Richard Attenborough, who stages each scene in a way that makes everyone — including Cassie — seem rather bland.  One wishes the film could have been directed by a Bob Fosse or a Stanley Donen or a Vincente Minnelli or even a Rob Marshall.  All four of those director knew (or, in Marshall’s case, know) how to shoot a dance number so that the dancer’s personality and skill comes through.  Under Attenborough’s direction, everyone comes across as being vaguely generic.  Indeed, Attenborough focuses the film so much on Zack and Cassie’s relationship that the other performers get pushed to the side.  Some of the show’s best songs are either not featured or just occur in the background.  Attenborough’s film takes a show that was meant to be a celebration of an ensemble and instead turns it into a star vehicle.

Both the film and the show end with a rather heart-breaking scene in which 8 dancers are told to step forward before Zack thanks them for their time and sends them home.  In the show, it’s reflection of life on Broadway.  The director picks who he thinks is best for the show.  Sometimes, that means that a likable or talented actor is still not cast.  In the film, it feels cruel because we notice that Zack sent home 8 dancers who showed up on time and worked hard but still made room for Cassie, who didn’t.  (Notably, in the show, Cassie and Zach had the same relationship as in the film but Cassie also showed up on time for the audition.)  Now, I will say that Zach casting someone with whom he had a personal relationship over someone who he didn’t is probably realistic but it’s still annoying.

It’s debatable whether A Chorus Line could have ever been made into an effective film.  That said, picking Richard Attenborough to direct and an apparently disinterested Michael Douglas to star certainly didn’t help matters.

Previous Icarus Files:

  1. Cloud Atlas
  2. Maximum Overdrive
  3. Glass
  4. Captive State
  5. Mother!
  6. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
  7. Last Days
  8. Plan 9 From Outer Space
  9. The Last Movie
  10. 88
  11. The Bonfire of the Vanities
  12. Birdemic
  13. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection 
  14. Last Exit To Brooklyn
  15. Glen or Glenda
  16. The Assassination of Trotsky
  17. Che!
  18. Brewster McCloud
  19. American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally
  20. Tough Guys Don’t Dance
  21. Reach Me
  22. Revolution
  23. The Last Tycoon
  24. Express to Terror 
  25. 1941
  26. The Teheran Incident
  27. Con Man
  28. Looker
  29. 1776
  30. Here
  31. The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.
  32. The Cable Guy

Brad reviews BUMP IN THE NIGHT (1991), starring Meredith Baxter Birney, Wings Hauser & Christopher Reeve!


My wife and I are iced and snowed in here in Central Arkansas this weekend, so we’re watching movies. I was browsing Tubi when I came across the 1991 made-for-TV movie BUMP IN THE NIGHT. Knowing nothing about the film other than the fact that Christopher Reeve is prominently featured on the poster, I hit play and got a movie I really wasn’t prepared for, emotionally or morally! 

The film opens with a young schoolboy named Jonathan (Corey Carrier) leaving his home, where his alcoholic mother Martha (Meredith Baxter Birney) is passed out on the couch. Jonathan is on his way to have breakfast with his dad Patrick (Wings Hauser). Rather than finding his dad, however, he’s met by the mysterious Lawrence Muller (Christopher Reeve) who claims he was sent by his dad to pick him up. When Patrick and Martha, divorced well before the opening of the film, discover that Jonathan is missing, the two must try to put aside their differences to find their son, who’s been targeted by both a pornographer and a pedophile.  

We’ve been watching a lot of made-for-TV thrillers around my house lately that deal with people with various psychological issues, but I was not expecting a film that dealt with child pornography and pedophilia. And I certainly wasn’t expecting that pedophile to be played by Christopher Reeve. Reeve gives an effective and chilling performance, as his character starts out as kind and soft spoken to the boy, before eventually showing himself to be violent and emotionally unstable as he’s rejected and the walls start closing in on him. Meredith Baxter Birney and Wings Hauser are also effective as the divorced couple who carry a lot of emotional baggage, but try to put that aside while they’re looking for their son. Birney is especially good as she’s an alcoholic, and we see her fighting her own personal demons throughout the search. Hauser, who’s always so good when he plays the psycho in his movies, gets the straight role as the concerned dad and he brings a needed calm and steadying presence to the explosive material. 

You have to give BUMP IN THE NIGHT some credit for tackling some very difficult material, whether it be alcoholism, pornography or pedohilia, and it takes them head on. Based on the 1988 novel of the same name from author Isabelle Holland, there are limits to how far this TV production can take the material, but in some ways those limits make the film even more disturbing. We see bedrooms with multiple cameras set up for recording illicit activities with children. We see grainy VHS tapes from pornographers that show young boys holding hands and walking down the street. We’re told things like, “just make sure he’s ready for filming! It begins at 10:00!” Director Karen Arthur uses these types of images and thoughts to manipulate our emotions, with our own minds filling in the blanks with the worst fears that we can imagine. This gave me a strong rooting interest for the local law enforcement and parents to rescue their son before he’s exploited and abused.

Even with its excellent cast, I may not have watched BUMP IN THE NIGHT if I had realized the sordid nature of the material. I’ll be honest, with its title, I was expecting a more straightforward thriller. However, having now seen the film, I will give it credit for its effective handling of the material and its fine performances. I won’t ever watch it again though. 

Song of the Day: Stars from Les Miserables (Alain Boubil & Claude-Michel Schönberg)


Tom Hooper’s film adaptation of the stage musical Les Misérables is now out in the theaters and people seem to really be enjoying the production. Even site co-founder Lisa Marie wrote a review of the film which she really enjoyed despite it’s flaws. Even those who love the film version will have to admit that some of the actors cast in the film were not up to the task vocally once it was time for them to sing their signature songs. One such person who seem to have gotten the brunt of this would be Russell Crowe in the role of Inspector Javert. To say his rendition of Javert’s first major song as being somewhat lacking would be an understatement. This is why I chose what I think is the best rendition of the song “Stars” as the latest Song of the Day.

This version was from the Original Broadway Cast production and had singer and actor Terrence Mann in the role of the dogged and zealous inspector. This was the very first version I ever heard and was fortunate enough to see live and continues to be my favorite version. Mann’s baritone voice is not so deep and overwhelming that we lose much of the emotions in the song as they’re sung. There’s still a strong sense of duty and zealous tone in Mann’s voice but also a hint of the character’s religious conviction by way of awe for having been given the opportunity to chase down one who has sinned.

While some prefer Phillip Quast from the London production of the musical I will always believe that Mann’s version of “Stars” is the best version out there.

 

Stars

There, out in the darkness
A fugitive running
Fallen from Grace
Fallen from grace
God be my witness
I never shall yield
Till we come face to face
Till we come face to face

He knows his way in the dark
But mine is the way of the Lord
And those who follow the path of the righteous
Shall have their reward
And if they fall
As Lucifer fell
The flame
The sword!

Stars
In your multitudes
Scarce to be counted
Filling the darkness
With order and light
You are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Keeping watch in the night
Keeping watch in the night

You know your place in the sky
You hold your course and your aim
And each in your season
Returns and returns
And is always the same
And if you fall as Lucifer fell
You fall in vain!

And so it must be
And so it is written
On the doorway to paradise
That those who falter and those who fall
Must pay the price!

Lord let me find him
That I may see him
Safe behind bars
I will never rest
Till then, this I swear
This I swear by the stars!

Song of the Day: One Day More (by Claude-Michel Schönberg & Alain Boublil)


This coming December 2012 will see another stage musical make it onto the big screen. It was in 2004 that Joel Schumacher first brought The Phantom of the Opera to the big-screen as a musical. For 2012, it will be Academy Award-winner Tom Hooper who will be bringing the musical Les Misérables to the big-screen with a star-studded cast that includes Hugh Jackman in the role of Jean Valjean and Russell Crowe as his arch-nemesis Inspector Javert. It’s also from this musical that I chose the latest “Song of the Day” with the ensemble piece that ends Act 1: “One Day More”.

It was Les Misérables the musical that first introduced me to the world of musicals. Prior to having seen the touring production which stopped over in San Francisco during the late 80’s and early 90’s I always thought of musicals as just not my thing even though I never truly witnessed one. All that changed when I saw Les Misérables and I have been hooked since.

One of my favorite songs from the musical was the ensemble piece that ends Act 1 and brings together all the players introduced in the first act. It wasn’t just the whole cast singing but how they sang as each character were given voice and as the song reaches an epic crescendo to curtains closing everyone joins in a rousing chorus with overlapping lyrics from different main players that at first sounded confusing to follow, but was still understandable.

Most musical nowadays rarely go for such grand closing before intermissions. Listening to “One Day More” shows me that its a lost art but when done well it comes off as amazing.

One Day More

VALJEAN
One day more!
Another day, another destiny.
This never-ending road to Calvary;
These men who seem to know my crime
Will surely come a second time.
One day more!

MARIUS
I did not live until today.
How can I live when we are parted?

VALJEAN
One day more.

MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow you’ll be worlds away
And yet with you, my world has started!

EPONINE
One more day all on my own.

MARIUS & COSETTE
Will we ever meet again?

EPONINE
One more day with him not caring.

MARIUS & COSETTE
I was born to be with you.

EPONINE
What a life I might have known.

MARIUS & COSETTE
And I swear I will be true!

EPONINE
But he never saw me there!

ENJOLRAS
One more day before the storm!

MARIUS
Do I follow where she goes?

ENJOLRAS
At the barricades of freedom.

MARIUS
Shall I join my brothers there?

ENJOLRAS
When our ranks begin to form

MARIUS
Do I stay; and do I dare?

ENJOLRAS
Will you take your place with me?

ALL
The time is now, the day is here!

VALJEAN
One day more!

JAVERT
One more day to revolution,
We will nip it in the bud!
We’ll be ready for these schoolboys
They will wet themselves with blood!

VALJEAN
One day more!

M. & MME. THENARDIER
Watch ’em run amuck,
Catch ’em as they fall,
Never know your luck
When there’s a free for all,
Here a little `dip’
There a little `touch’
Most of them are goners
So they won’t miss much!

Students (2 Groups)
1: One day to a new beginning

2: Raise the flag of freedom high!

1: Every man will be a king

2: Every man will be a king

1: There’s a new world for the winning

2: There’s a new world to be won

ALL
Do you hear the people sing?

MARIUS
My place is here, I fight with you!

VALJEAN
One day more!

MARIUS & COSETTE
I did not live until today.

EPONINE
One more day all on my own!

MARIUS & COSETTE
How can I live when we are parted?

JAVERT(overlapping)
I will join these people’s heros
I will follow where they go
I will learn their little Secrets,
I will know the things they know.

VALJEAN
One day more!

MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow you’ll be worlds away

EPONINE
What a life I might have known!

MARIUS & COSETTE
And yet with you my world has started

JAVERT (overlapping)
One more day to revolution
We will nip it in the bud
We’ll be ready for these

Schoolboys

THENARDIERS (overlapping)
Watch ’em run amok
Catch ’em as they fall
Never know your luck
When there’s a free-for-all!

VALJEAN
Tomorrow we’ll be far away,
Tomorrow is the judgement day

ALL
Tomorrow we’ll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store!
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!