Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.13 “Now Sit Right Back And You’ll Hear A Tale”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Eddie suffers a serious injury.

A quick note, before we begin: this episode was actually the 16th episode to air during the second season but apparently, it was originally meant to be the 13th episode and, in reruns, it usually airs after the Reunion episode.  I’ve decided to go with the production order for the purpose of these reviews.  Of course, it really doesn’t matter because it’s not like Baywatch had any use for continuity to begin with.

Episode 2.13 “Now Sit Right Back and You’ll Hear a Tale”

(Dir by Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on February 24th, 1992)

After rescuing a jet skier who ran out of fuel in the middle of the ocean, Eddie and Shauni discover a previously unchartered island.  (Or, at least, that’s what we’re told.  The beach that Eddie and Shauni explore is obviously the same beach from last week’s Reunion episode.)  On the beach, they find Gilligan (Bob Denver) and Mary Ann (Dawn Wells), who have been stranded on the island ever since the 60s.  Eddie and Shauni take them back to civilization.

Captain Thorpe is so impressed with Gilligan and Mary Ann’s story that he decides that he’s going to start his own media company and produce a miniseries about their life on the Island.  He also thinks that it would be a good idea to go back to the island and rescue the other castaways.  (Gee, you think?)  He arranges for a three-hour expedition to the island.  Garner will serve as the skipper.  Eddie will be the first mate.  Harvey is coming along as a professor, for some reason.  Shauni wants to star in the miniseries so she decides to dress up like a movie star and come on the tour as well.

Uh-oh, there’s a storm!  Everyone ends up washed up on the island.  Eddie finds himself torn between Mary Ann and Shauni but then he realizes that Gilligan is the one who truly loves Mary Ann….

No, I’m not making this up.  Stop it, I swear I’m not.

Eventually, Eddie wakes up in Baywatch Headquarters.  It turns out that he slipped and hit his head earlier and the entire episode has been a dream.  (Shocker!)  It sound like Eddie probably has a severe concussion but no one seems to be too concerned about that.

Hasselhoff appears for a few minutes at the start and the end of the episode.  Apparently, he knew better than to board the boat.

Oh God, this episode.  Well, actually, this episode makes sense once you learn that Douglas Schwartz (who both directed this week and also served as executive producer of the show) was the nephew of Sherwood Schwartz, the producer of Gilligan’s Island.  It’s a silly episode but Baywatch is a silly show so that’s to be expected.  The episode’s main mistake is that it opens with Eddie watching an episode of Gilligan’s Island and then it shows us Eddie slipping and hitting his head.  As a result, we pretty much know the whole episode is a dream from the start and we spend the entire episode waiting for Eddie to wake up.  It’s kind of boring.

Next week …. oh, who knows?  I’m sure it’ll be something involving a lot of slow motion running on the beach.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 7/19/26 — 7/25/26


Big Brother (24/7, CBS, Paramount+, Pluto TV)

I’ve been sharing my thoughts on Big Brother here.

Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock TV)

My review will drop tomorrow.

The Larry Sanders Show (HBOMax)

Rip Torn could make any line funny.

Saved By The Bell (Tubi)

My review will drop in an hour.

Survivor (CBS, Wednesday Night)

CBS is reshowing Survivor 50 this season.  I missed it when it originally aired but I’m having trouble getting into the reruns.  The 90-minute runtime is a problem for me.  Survivor is the perfect 60-minute show.  At 90 minutes, there’s way too much filler.

TMZ Investigates: The Reiner Murders (Tubi)

TMZ takes a shallow look at the murders Rob and Michele Reiner.  This special offered up no new insights but it did serve as a reminder of what a loser Nick Reiner was (and is).

Watched and Reviews:

  1. 1st & Ten,
  2. Baywatch,
  3. CHiPs,
  4. Crime Story,
  5. Decoy,
  6. Freddy’s Nightmares,
  7. Hunter,
  8. The Love Boat,
  9. Pacific Blue,
  10. Saved By The Bell: The New Class,
  11. St. Elsewhere

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.12 “Reunion”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Mitch goes to his high school reunion!

Episode 2.12 “Reunion”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on January 27th, 1992)

Mitch gets laid.

That’s pretty much the plot of this incredibly simple episode.

It’s time for Mitch’s 20-year high school reunion but he doesn’t want to go because he’s worried about seeing his ex-wife, Gayle (Wendie Malick).  However, at the last moment, Mitch suddenly does decide to go.  He meets up with Gayle, who is wearing a blue dress that is simply to die for.  With Gayle’s help, Mitch also rescues the class bully (Tim Rossovich) after two former high school outcasts (Tom Villard and Glenn Morshower) bury him in the sand just as the tide starts to come in.  And then Mitch and Gayle go back to the Buchanan house and do it like it’s prom night.

Fortunately, Hobie is gone for the weekend.  (It’s kind of funny how Hobie is always off with relatives or friends whenever Mitch needs the house to himself.)  I will say that, as a child of divorce, there’s nothing more painful than thinking your parents are going to get back together just because one of them was still in the house when you woke up in the morning.  Hobie is spared the trauma of Mitch and Gaye’s post-reunion hook-up.

Mitch, however, is disappointed to learn that Gayle has a boyfriend and that she’s going to be marrying him.  The only reason Gayle went to the reunion was to work out her feelings about Mitch.  Hasselhoff handles the revelation with his trademark emotional earnestness.  Left unmentioned is the fact that having sex with Mitch apparently convinced Gayle that she should marry the other guy.

Finally, someone left a baby in Eddie’s lifeguard station.  Eddie and Shauni looked after it for the weekend.  This led to a lot of, “Wow, sometimes babies smell bad,” humor.  In the end, the baby’s father shows up to get the baby but it turns out that he doesn’t actually have custody and that his ex-wife left the baby at the lifeguard station specifically to keep her safe from him.  Obviously, this couple has issues that will not be resolved by a high school reunion hook-up.

Even by the standards of Baywatch, this was a remarkably empty episode.  Between Mitch quickly getting over the fact that Gayle is getting remarried and Eddie and Shauni taking care of a random baby, it was hard to escape the feeling that nothing really matters on this show.  There are no real consequences to anyone’s actions.  No one has any sort of emotional conflict that can’t be solved with a musical montage.  Eddie and Shauni end the episode thinking about what it would like to be parents.  They’ll be over it in a week.

Baywatch was a show where nothing really mattered and that’s probably why it was so popular.

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 7/12/26 — 7/18/26


Big Brother 28 (24/7, CBS, Paramount+, Pluto TV)

Big Brother, the show that I love to hate, is back.  You can read my thoughts about the show here.

The Larry Sanders Show (HBOMax)

For some reason, this very 90s show relaxes me whenever I watch it.  This week, I watched as Jeffrey Tambor sang Spinning Wheel and a young Bob Odenkirk played the most shallow agent possible.

Saved By The Bell (Tubi)

My review of Saved By The Bell will drop later tonight.

St. Elsewhere (YouTube)

This week’s episode was so depressing that I couldn’t review it.  Expect to see my thoughts on it next week.

Watched and Reviewed:

  1. 1st & Ten,
  2. Baywatch,
  3. CHiPs,
  4. Crime Story,
  5. Decoy,
  6. Hunter,
  7. The Love Boat,
  8. Pacific Blue,
  9. Saved By The Bell: The New Class

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.11 “If Looks Could Kill”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Mitch is in trouble.

Episode 2.11 “If Looks Could Kill”

(Dir by Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on November 25th, 1991)

Mitch rescues Allison (Shannon Tweed) after her car crashes into the ocean.  Mitch quickly falls in love and Allison seems to fall for Mitch.  What Mitch doesn’t know is that Allison is actually a murderer and that she’s just using him to try to find the money that was in her car when it crashed.  For once, Eddie is the one who suspects the truth and who has to keep Mitch from being killed by someone who he trusts.

Baywatch occasionally did crime-related episodes and they always felt out of place.  This episode opens with Allison drowning her latest lover and it’s actually a rather disturbing sequence.  It’s effective but it doesn’t feel right for a show in which the main appeal is the fact that everything is lightweight and easy-going.

I imagine David Hasselhoff enjoyed episodes like this, if just because nearly every episode during the first season of Baywatch Nights was exactly like this one.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 7/5/26 — 7/11/26


Big Brother 28 (24/7, CBS, Paramount+, Pluto TV)

Originally, I wasn’t going to watch Big Brother this season but I gave in.  Watching this show and getting annoyed is pretty much a tradition around these parts and you know me.  I’m all about tradition.  You can read my thoughts (and Erin’s thoughts!) about the show over at RealityTVChatBlog.

The Contender (Prime)

I watched two episodes of this old reality show on Tuesday.  A group of boxers competed to be …. THE CONTENDER!  They weren’t bad.  I actually remember when this show aired way back in the aughts.  Sylvester Stallone was the host for the first two seasons.  The episodes I watched were hosted by Sugar Ray Leonard.

Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock)

My review of Homicide will drop tomorrow.

Saved By The Bell (Tubi)

My review of Saved By The Bell will drop later tonight.

Sledgehammer!  (Prime)

I watched an episode of this 80s comedy show on Friday.  A contract was put out on Sledgehammer’s life so he hid with with Amish.  It was a funny episode.

Watched and Reviewed

  1. 1st & Ten,
  2. Baywatch,
  3. CHiPs,
  4. Crime Story,
  5. Decoy,
  6. Freddy’s Nightmares,
  7. Hunter,
  8. The Love Boat,
  9. Pacific Blue,
  10. Saved By The Bell: The New Class,
  11. St. Elsewhere

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.10 “The Trophy, Part Two”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Baywatch concludes the two storylines that began in the previous episode.  Will Mitch get over his guilt?  Will Eddie be able to keep his job?  Who will star in this week’s slow motion monologue?  These are the important questions that come with saving lives for a living.

Episode 2.10 “The Trophy, Part Two”

(Dir by Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on November 18th, 1991)

The beach is in chaos!

Bitter over being in a wheelchair and also being single, Turner continues to take dangerous risks.  At one point, he decides to go hang-gliding to prove that not being able to walk doesn’t have to keep anyone from flying.  At another point, we get one of those priceless Baywatch montages where Turner imagines himself being able run down the beach.

Mitch still feels guilty over Turner’s condition but eventually, even Mitch has to kneel down beside the guy and say that enough is enough.  And really, that’s all it takes.  Turner accepts that his ex, Megan, is now dating a hunky marine biologist named Ross and he moves on.  Megan was played by Vanessa Angel and, according to the imdb, this was her final appearance on Baywatch.  This was also Daniel Quinn’s final appearance as Turner.  So I guess that storyline’s now over.  Mitch still seemed to be feeling pretty guilty but he’ll have to learn how to deal with that on his own because Eric Turner is out of here!

(Quinn would go on to play two other characters on Baywatch and he also had a role in the Baywatch spin-off, Pacific Blue.  I guess someone in the head office really liked him.)

Meanwhile, Eddie is bitter because, after being arrested for statutory rape, he’s been suspended from being a lifeguard.  Well, Eddie, that’s life.  That’s pretty much what would happen to any lifeguard in those circumstances.  Eddie spends a lot of time on this show demanding to be treated like everyone else and then getting angry when it happens.

When Eddie’s accuser, Caroline (played by a young A.J, Langer), attempts to commit suicide by jumping off the pier, Shauni is there to rescue her.  Having been rescued from drowning, Caroline confesses that she made up the story about Eddie because she wanted to impress her friends on the beach.  Eddie is reinstated and Caroline says that she’s going to return home to Pennsylvania and get some psychiatric help.

This episode was pretty anti-climatic.  For all the dramatic potential of Mitch’s guilt, Caroline’s accusations, and Eddie’s bitterness, both stories pretty much just ended with the sources of all the drama agreeing to live somewhere other than California.  If only life was always that simple!

In the end, this episode was typical Baywatch.  Yes, there was some drama.  But the most important thing was always getting the next montage.

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/21/26 — 6/27/28


Bands of Enchantment (PBS)

On Friday night, I watched a performance by the band Pacifica.  They were okay.  I prefer louder music.

Bring Me The Beauties: The Model Cult (HBOMax)

I watched this 3-part docuseries on Monday.  It was yet another cult documentary.  This time, only good-looking people could join the cult.  That actually made sense to me.  If you’re a cult leader, why would you want to be surrounded by ugly people?

Degrassi: The Next Generation (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will drop tomorrow.

Election Coverage

I watched this latest primary results on Tuesday.  Ugh, the DSA in New York.  Never has a group of activist been both so charmless and so successful at the same time.  A lot of people are panicking about that but, honestly, if the DSA was going to win anywhere, it was going to be in New York.  I imagine they’ll do well in Denver next week as well.  DSA appeals to gentrifiers.  (I also remember that the DSA insurgency was declared dead after the primaries in Illinois so perhaps we should be careful about reading too much into any one night.)  It seems like after every “wave election,” there’s a few new congresspeople (and even senators) who end up self-destructing during their first  or second term, people like Katie Hill, George Santos, Madison Cawthorn, Cori Bush, and Jamaal Bowman.  This year, I’m putting my money on Dairaliza Avila Chevalier and, if he wins, Graham Platner as being the most likely to fall apart as soon as they arrive in Washington.

Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock)

My review of this week’s episode will drop tomorrow.

Saved By The Bell (Tubi)

My review of this weeks episode will drop later tonight.

Watched and Reviewed:

  1. 1st & Ten,
  2. Baywatch,
  3. CHiPs,
  4. Crime Story,
  5. Decoy,
  6. Freddy’s Nightmares,
  7. Hunter,
  8. The Love Boat,
  9. Pacific Blue,
  10. Saved By The Bell: The New Class,
  11. St. Elsewhere

Retro Televison Review: Baywatch 2.9 “The Trophy: Part One”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Eddie in trouble!

Episode 2.9 “The Trophy: Part 1”

(Dir by Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on November 11th, 1991)

Awkward teenager Caroline Larkin (A.J. Langer) doesn’t have any friends because her family’s poor and she’s from Ohio.  The only person on the beach who shows her any kindess is Eddie the lifeguard.  When Caroline tries to impress the rich girls on the beach by claiming to have been seduced by Eddie, the main mean girl makes sure that Caroline’s father finds out.  Eddie is shocked when he’s arrested and charged with statuatory rape …. despite the fact the fact that almost the same thing happened to Craig during the first season of the show.  

What makes thing particularly awkward is that Eddie is arrested just as he and Shauni are getting ready to go to a chairty gala.  Shauni finally got Eddie into a tux and then Eddie gets the handcuffs slapped on.

Meanwhile, parapalegic lifeguard Eric Turner (Daniel Quinn) returns.  He’s still in love with Megan (Vanessa Angel), the Australian lifeguard.  But he’s also bitter about having to use a wheelchair.  This is one of those stories that would be compelling if we had the slightest idea who Turner and Megan were before this episode aired.  This is also one of those episodes where totally new people show up and everyone acts as if they were there from the start of the series.  (In all fairness, Megan has appeared on the show before but her role has never been particularly large.)  Everyone else know who Eric Turner but we, the viewers, have never heard of him before.

Anyway, this is a two-part episode so neither storyline is resolved.  Since I’m taking next week off for America’s 250th birthday celebration, Eddie’s going to have to wait in jail for a while.  However, two weeks from now, we’ll see if Eddie can clear his name!

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/14/26 — 6/20/26


Buskers (PBS)

This documentary was about …. well, it’s right there in the title.  One man performed card tricks.  A woman played a saw like a violin.  Another woman wrote poems on a typewriter in the park.  A man danced on a subway train.  The documentary was an interesting look at a group of unique Americans.  Unfortunately, I watched it rather late at night so my eyelids were heavy during the majority of the show.

Degrassi: The Next Generation (Tubi)

My review will drop tomorrow.

Homicide: Life on the Street (Peacock TV)

My review will drop tomorrow.

Kyōryū Sentai Zyuranger (Shout TV)

There’s just no stopping those dinosaurs!

The Larry Sanders Show (HBOMax)

Hank’s Sex Tape!  Oh my God, what a cringey episode.  When a sex tape featuring Hank Kingsley starts to circulate in Hollywood, it threatens Hank’s new job as an orange juice commercial spokesman.  Henry Winkler and Norm MacDonald appear as themselves and have a classic conversation about Hank and …. well, you can watch the episode and see for yourself.  Why is this episode so funny and so cringey?  Hank is played by Jeffrey Tambor.  “Wash your mouth out with Hank.”  AGCK!

Saved By The Bell (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will drop in about 90 minutes.

UFC Freedom 250 (Paramount Plus)

I’ll just go ahead and tick everyone off by admitting that I enjoyed the spectacle and the unique silliness of UFC on the White House lawn.  Yes, there were some regrettable moments.  If you were annoyed by the comment about a certain former first lady, you had every right to be.  It was a stupid thing to yell and unnecessarily divisive.  But, at its heart, the event itself was pure Americana.  Abraham Lincoln’s favorite sport was wrestling.  Teddy Roosevelt loved boxing.  Richard Nixon was a bowler.  There’s actually a long history of this sort of thing.

Watched and Reviewed:

  1. 1st & Ten,
  2. Baywatch,
  3. CHiPs,
  4. Crime Story,
  5. Decoy,
  6. Freddy’s Nightmares,
  7. Hunter,
  8. The Love Boat,
  9. Pacific Blue
  10. Saved By The Bell: The New Class,
  11. St. Elsewhere