Devon Clark – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, a floating drug lab means trouble!

Episode 2.16 “Sea of Flames”

(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan and Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on February 17th, 1992)

Hobie has a nightmare in which he sees Mitch floating in the ocean and looking confused as a speedboat roars up behind him. “BEHIND YOU, DAD!” Hobie yells right before waking up.

Mitch says that the bad dream is no big deal, but Hobie is convinced that he’s seen the future. Mitch laughs off Hobie’s concerns. Mitch is more worried about convincing the city council to approve a funding increase so the lifeguards can buy some supercool wave runners.

Mitch should be worried about Eddie, who is such a terrible lifeguard that he doesn’t even notice that Scorch (Devino Tricoche) is wandering around the beach and setting fires. Scorch is a street performer who eats fire as part of his act. But after he gets a batch of bad designer drugs, he sets Eddie’s lifeguard tower on fire. Even though Eddie is sitting in the tower at the time, he doesn’t notice the flames until it’s nearly too late. After jumping off the tower in slow motion, Eddie drags Scorch to safety. “Sumo! Sumo! Sumo!” Scorch says.

Hey, there’s a boat called Sumo that’s docked in the harbor. Could it be a floating drug lab? Of course it is! When the drug dealers decide to sail away, Mitch gets a chance to show off on a wave runner! But when Mitch falls off the wave runner, he finds himself stranded in the ocean. Uh-oh, there’s a speedboat coming up behind him!

Hobie’s ghostly voice rings out: “BEHIND YOU, DAD!”

Mitch ducks out of the way just in time. OH MY GOD, HOBIE IS MAGIC!

While Mitch is busy capturing the drug dealers, Ben is once again depressed over getting old. When he investigates a house that has supposedly been empty for decades, he meets the actress (Constance Towers) who once lived there. Back when he was a young lifeguard, Ben had a crush on her. When she invites him into the house, he discovers that she has a framed picture of him that she took when he was young and standing on his lifeguard tower. She had a crush on him as well, but back then, dating a lifeguard would have led to a career-ending scandal. And now they’re both old, so what can anyone do? Oh well. Sorry, Ben, your life sucks.

But Mitch’s life is great! At the end of the episode, he thanks Hobie for having his nightmare. Hobie says he also had a dream where Mitch got married. “Blonde or brunette?” Mitch asks.

This was another silly episode of Baywatch, but as we all know, this series is at its most entertaining when it’s silly. As usual, Hasselhoff delivers even the most ludicrous of lines with an earnestness that is actually kind of charming in its own weird way. Ben’s storyline was kind of sad, but since the only reason Ben is on this show is to show that getting older sucks, it’s to be expected.

The important thing is that Mitch gets his wave runners and the ocean is now a safer place.

This week, Eddie tries to change a young man’s life.

Episode 2.6 “Point Attack”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on October 21st, 1991)

Cort returns!

When the syndicated version of Baywatch first aired, John D. Cort (John Allen Nelson) was among the first season cast members who were no longer on the beach. His absence was not addressed. With this episode, we learn that he’s been in either South America, Kuwait, or Asia. No one’s sure. To me, it sounds like Cort’s a drug smugler.

Anyway, Cort shows up on the beach, just in time to help Eddie break up a gang fight! Eddie, remembering his own tough past in Philadelphia, arranges for the gang members to become a part of W.A.T.A.R., a lifeguard-run program for troubled youths. This the second episode of Baywatch’s second season to feature a gang subplot. It’s hard not to notice that whenever anyone who isn’t white shows up on this show, they’re always portrayed as being 1) poor and 2) affiliated with a gang.

Eddie hopes that he can convince gang leader Memo (Richard Coca) to change his ways. Unfortunately, Memo’s father (Danny Trejo) wants his son to follow in his footsteps as a gang member.

When told that Memo is facing jail, his father says that’s no big deal and adds, “I did time!”

“So did I,” Eddie replies.

Eddie — do you really want to challenge Danny Trejo on the subject of prison?

On the one hand, it’s always good to see Danny Trejo and there’s a definite authenticity to his performance that the rest of this episode lacks. At the same time, having Trejo around makes it all the more clear just how miscast Billy Warlock was a former juvenile delinquent-turned-lifeguard. Watching this episode, I could buy Billy Warlock as someone who could save me if I was drowning. (Thanks, Billy!) But seeing him a graduate of the hard streets of Philadelphia? That was a step too far.

As for the rest of this episode, Cort is far less of a rogue in this episode and he even helps out with the W.A.T.A.R. program. (If anything John Allen Nelson seems to get all the lines that would usually have gone to David Hasselhoff, who is barely in this episode.) When Eddie catches Memo trying to steal from the locker room, there’s a chase scene that goes on for so long that I was literally wondering if Eddie and Memo were eventually going to end up back at Baywatch Headquarters. I’m all for a good action scene but this chase went on for so long that it verged on parody and left me wondering if maybe the show’s director realized, at the last minute, that the episode needed padding.

Unfortunately, Danny Trejo and David Hasselhoff don’t share any scenes in this episode. As mentioned earlier, the Hoff is barely in it! That seems like a missed opportunity to me.