Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 1.13 “Running the Max”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

Today, we finish up season one of Saved By The Bell: The New Class.

Episode 1.13 “Running The Max”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 4th, 1993)

The season one finale of Saved By The Bell: The New Class opens with Scott talking directly the audience.  Hey, that’s something that Scott hasn’t done for a while….

When he goes into his Social Studies class (which is being taught by Mr. Belding because Mr. Tuttle is appearing on Oprah to discuss teachers who overeat), he has to pick a group  to join.  Lindsay says, “Hey, Scott, why don’t you join us?”  She says it as if Scott is still a relatively new acquaintance as opposed to the friend who is always a part of the main group.

Despite having made up with each other several episodes ago, Scott and Tommy D suddenly don’t like each other again.

Vicki suddenly has a crush on Scott again, even though that plotline was abandoned episodes ago.

Weasel suddenly has a crush on Megan, despite the fact that plotline was also abandoned shortly after the first season started.

Oh, and Weasel is again making jokes that sound like they were originally written for Screech.

Watching this episode, it quickly becomes apparent that it was meant to air much earlier in the season but it was instead used as the season finale.  That says a lot about how shoddy the first season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class really was.  The finale was an episode that was originally meant to air when everyone was still getting to know one another.  Vicki’s crush on Scott is a major subplot in this episode, despite the fact that the writers eventually abandoned the idea.  By moving this episode to the end, the show wrecks havoc on its continuity but then again, when has continuity ever mattered at Bayside?

On top of all that, this is a dumb episode.  Three businesses agree to let the students run things for a week.  Who would agree to such a stupid idea?  Scott, Tommy, Megan, Weasel, Vicki, and Lindsay end up running the Max.  The Max appears to be open 24 hours a day so I’d love to know how they’re running the Max and still going to class.  For that matter, how are only six students going to run an entire restaurant?  Anyway, long story short: Scott is a bad boss, everyone quits except for Weasel (so, do they all fail the class?), but then they change their mind after they hear that Scott feels bad about his behavior.  The gang hosts a banquet for the football team.  Tommy comes up with the idea of turning into a Country-and-Western-themed barbecue.  Wait a minute — TOMMY’S ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM!  Why isn’t he at the banquet?

This was a dumb ending to a dumb season.  Half of the cast was fired at the end of season one.  Robert Sutherland Telfer, Isaac Lidsky, and Bonnie Russavage would not return as Scott, Weasel, and Vicki for season two.  (Indeed, none of their character would ever be mentioned again, despite Tommy D, Lindsay, and Megan still being around.)  I can’t say that I disagree with the decision.  Telfer was miscast as the new Zack Morris.  Russavage never made much of an impression.  (In all fairness, she wasn’t helped by the fact that the show’s writers didn’t really seem to know what to do with Vicki.)  Lidsky probably did as well as anyone could with the role of Weasel but, from the second season onward, Saved By The Bell didn’t need a new Screech.  New students would take their places and they would be joined by a familiar face.

We’ll start season two next week!

Icarus File No. 27: Con Man (dir by Bruce Caulk)


Originally filmed in 2010 but not released until 2018, Con Man is one of the strangest vanity projects that I’ve ever seen.

Originally entitled Minkow, Con Man tells the story of Barry Minkow.  When Minkow was a teenager, he started a carpet cleaning business and he quickly learned how to both promote himself and how to lie about how much money he was making.  The media ate up the story of the teenager became a millionaire by cleaning carpets.  His father (Mark Hamill) was proud of him.  His mother (Talia Shire) worried that he was moving away from God.  A local mobster (Armand Assante) decided to get involved.  It was eventually discovered that Barry was kiting checks, lying to insurance companies, and massively defrauding both his investors and his employees.  After being busted by the FBI (represented here by James Caan), Barry Minkow was sent to prison.

In the film, teenage Barry Minkow is played by a young, handsome, and charismatic Justin Baldoni.  When Barry gets out of jail, he’s suddenly been transformed into …. well, Barry Minkow.  That’s right.  Barry Minkow plays himself.  Needless to say, Barry Minkow looks nothing like Justin Baldoni.  It’s not just that the two men are different ages.  It’s also that there’s no way to imagine Justin Baldoni transforming into the gargoyle that is Barry Minkow.

In prison, Barry Minkow is converted to Christianity by a prisoner named Peanut (Ving Rhames).  After Minkow serves his sentence, he not only helps the FBI track down other con artists but he becomes the pastor of his local church.  Despite his past, everyone loves and trusts Barry Minkow.  Everyone talks about how charismatic he is, despite the fact that the adult Barry Minkow delivers his lines in a flat monotone and looks like he should be sitting over the entrance of a cathedral.  People who suspect that they’ve been a victim of financial fraud start to come to Barry, asking him for advice.  The always humble Barry is concerned that he’ll let people down but, in the end, even James Caan says that Barry is a great guy.  “I’m doing the work of God!” Barry proclaims.

Yes, the film is fueled by pure ego.  Unfortunately, it took more than ego to pay the bills so Minkow embezzled money from his own church, stole money from his congregation, and resorted to his old track of “clipping” checks to finance the whole thing.  Shortly after the film was completed, Minkow was arrested and sent back to prison.  (A hot mic caught Minkow bragging to James Caan about how he financed the film.  After his arrest, Minkow denied he had ever said that and dared anyone with proof to turn it over.  The film’s director proceeded to do just that.  Barry Minkow was not only a criminal.  He was a stupid criminal.)

As for the film, it sat in limbo for eight years.  Eventually, talking head interview with Minkow’s actual victims talking about how much they disliked Barry were sprinkled throughout the film.  (Shortly before Minkow starts playing himself, we hear one of his business partners say that everyone told him not to play himself.)  The original film ended on a triumphant note.  The new film — which was retitled Con Man — ended with real people talking about Barry Minkow going back to jail and casting doubt as to whether or not Barry ever even knew a prisoner named Peanut.

The film is a vanity project and not a very good one.  Minkow is a terrible actor and, just in case we forget that fact, he reminds us by trying to hold the screen opposite James Caan and Ving Rhames.  (Even Elisabeth Rohm manages to outact him.)  As bad as the film is, the story behind it is endlessly fascinating.  Barry Minkow was determined to become a star.  (Spielberg’s Catch Me If You Can was an obvious inspiration.)  Instead, he went back to prison and his vanity project was transformed into a roast.  And it probably couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy.

 

Previous Icarus Files:

  1. Cloud Atlas
  2. Maximum Overdrive
  3. Glass
  4. Captive State
  5. Mother!
  6. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
  7. Last Days
  8. Plan 9 From Outer Space
  9. The Last Movie
  10. 88
  11. The Bonfire of the Vanities
  12. Birdemic
  13. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection 
  14. Last Exit To Brooklyn
  15. Glen or Glenda
  16. The Assassination of Trotsky
  17. Che!
  18. Brewster McCloud
  19. American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally
  20. Tough Guys Don’t Dance
  21. Reach Me
  22. Revolution
  23. The Last Tycoon
  24. Express to Terror 
  25. 1941
  26. The Teheran Incident

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.17 “Alarmed”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, a supporting character steps into the spotlight.

Episode 5.17 “Alarmed”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on February 14th, 1982)

While chasing a stolen sports car, Officer Bonnie Clark (Randi Oakes) finds herself stuck behind a van that will simply not stop blocking her pursuit.  When the van stops for a red light, Bonnie jumps out of her patrol car to tell the driver of the van to get out of the way.  The driver of the van turns out to be Toni (Christina Hart), an old classmate from the Academy.  A visibly nervous Toni tells Bonnie that she’s working undercover and then speeds off.  Bonnie, suspicious of her former friend, makes some calls and discovers that Toni is no longer with the Highway Patrol.  Bonnie thinks that Toni is a part of a car theft ring.  Bonnie becomes obsessed with putting Toni in prison.

And when I say obsessed, I mean that Bonnie seems to be positively unhinged about proving that Toni is now a criminal.  The way that Bonnie grins while telling her plans to Getraer really makes you wonder if maybe there’s something more to this story than just Bonnie wanting to capture a cop-turned-crook.  I mean, I dislike a lot of people who I went to school with but I wouldn’t ever call the cops on them.  It bothered me that Bonnie wasn’t even curious as to why Toni had become a criminal.  And CHiPs, as a show, wasn’t that interested in it either.  To me, though, that’s really the only interesting thing about Toni.

Bonnie joined the Highway Patrol at the start of the third season.  This is the first episode in which she’s really had the spotlight and, as I watched, I could kind of understand why it took so long.  While she certainly wasn’t helped by the show’s writers, there was still absolutely nothing convincing about Randi Oakes’s performance.  She delivered her lines in an excited rush and she seemed to be oddly giddy at times.  I would not want Bonnie carrying a gun.

This episode also featured cranky old Simon Oakland as a car security specialist who was trying to create a car that couldn’t be stolen.  He was upset that his daughter (Elizabeth Daily) wanted to go into the family business.  Ponch helped him see the error of his ways.

Finally, there was an odd scene where Baker and Ponch took two dates to a mud wrestling match.  Bonnie tagged along with her date.  Bonnie was disgusted by the mud wrestling, calling it degrading.  Of course, when Bonnie later arrested Toni, the two of them ended up fighting in a muddy puddle.

“Degrading!” Ponch said before Bonnie pulled both him and Baker into the mud.  As Toni was led away in handcuffs, Bonnie laughed and laughed.

The highlight of this episode?  Ponch’s bike got damaged and burst into flames while he was pursuing Toni.  Luckily, there  was a lake nearby.  Ponch’s plunge into the water was filmed in slow motion.  By the standards of CHiPs, it was actually pretty cool.

As for the rest of the episode, it featured what one would probably want from the show.  There were a lot of car chases and not a lot of plot.  Hopefully, this was not only the first Bonnie-centric episode but also the last one as well.

Did y’all know that Charles Bronson once duked it out with Roy Rogers?!!


How many of y’all can say that you’ve met Dale Evans, the wife of Roy Rogers?! I can. She was in Perryville, Arkansas to watch one of my fellow high school students play basketball. I don’t remember if he was her grandson, nephew or what exactly the relationship was, but she was there, and I went and introduced myself to her. This would have been in the early 90’s and she was around 80 years old or so. She was so sweet to me, and I’ve always appreciated that I got to meet her. 

Today I decided to watch the episode of “The Roy Rogers Show, Season 2, Episode 8, THE KNOCKOUT,” where Charles Bronson is the special guest star. In the episode, Roy notices strangers digging on an isolated section of his land. When he investigates, he discovers that the handlers for prizefighter Willie “Killer” Conley (Bronson) have set up a training camp for the champ. However, Roy begins to suspect that quite a bit more than training is going on there. Before long the fists and bullets are flying as Roy and Dale take down the bad guys. Bronson’s character may be called Killer Conley, but he is a decent guy who’s gotten himself in too deep with the bad guys, and he ends up joining the good guys when the rubber meets the road at the end. That made me happy. With that said, Bronson and Rogers punched it out multiple times before everything worked out well in the end! 

This was my first ever viewing of The Roy Rogers Show. From what I understand, it’s a pretty standard entry in a series that consistently displays a simple story with clear morals and a dependable resolution. However, when you consider that this episode was one of the early TV appearances of Charles Bronson, billed as Charles Buchinsky at the time, it emerges as a piece of cinematic history. A couple of decades later Bronson would be the biggest male movie star in the world. At this point for me, it’s nostalgia at its finest! 

The Roy Rogers Show is currently streaming on Tubi.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

In 1986, riding high on the success of Miami Vice, Michael Mann signed on as executive producer of Crime Story, a cop show that Mann imagined would run for five seasons and which would follow a group of cops and gangsters from 1960s Chicago to 1980s Las Vegas.  The show was co-created by former Chicago cop Chuck Adamson and it starred another former Chicago cop, Dennis Farina.

Though generally well-received by critics, Crime Story struggled in the ratings.  The show’s highly serialized-nature made it difficult for audiences to follow.  (This was in the pre-streaming age, when viewers couldn’t just get online and catch up with what they may have missed.)  Crime Story only lasted for two seasons but it has since developed a strong cult following and is now regularly listed as one of the best cop shows ever made.

I’m going to find out if that’s true over the next few months.  Two weeks ago, I finished up Miami Vice.  Now, it’s time for Crime Story.

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Abel Ferrara, originally aired on September 18th, 1986)

In Chicago, on a rainy night in the early 1960s, a group of masked robbers hold up a fancy restaurant and then try to escape with a group of terrified hostages.  On the scene is the Major Crimes Unit, led by the grim Lt. Torello (Dennis Farina, a former real-life cop).  The end result is that all of the robbers end up dead, the hostages end up traumatized, and one of Torello’s men, the obviously doomed Wes Connelly (William Russ), appears to be losing his mind over the violence that he has to deal with every day.

The plot of the pilot is actually pretty simple.  A gang of thieves is holding up restaurants, banks, and stores in Chicago.  Torello believes that an ambitious gangster named Ray Luca (Tony Denison) is behind the robberies and Torello is correct.  The cool and sociopathic Ray is working with Johnny O’Donnel (David Caruso).  O’Donnel may be a childhood friend of Luca’s but his parents are friends with Torello.  When gangster Phil Bartoli (Jon Polito) orders Luca to kill O’Donnel after the latter robs one of Bartoli’s jewelry stores, it’s personal all-around.

Plot-wise, it’s pure Michael Mann.  The cops and the gangsters are both obsessive.  Luca will kill anyone to get ahead in the underworld.  Oddly, his only real loyalty seems to be to his dumbest henchman, Pauli Taglia (John Santucci, a real-life former jewel thief who was once arrested by Dennis Farina).  Torello may be fighting on the side of the law but he’s often just as quick to resort to violence as Luca.  Director Abel Ferrara’s style can be seen in a scene where Torello is visited by the ghost of the recently murdered Wes Connelly.  Torello is burned out and paranoid, flying into a rage when he sees his wife, Julie (Darlanne Fluegel), dancing with another man at a wedding.  (The man in question turns out to be Torello’s cousin, whom Torello didn’t even recognize because he apparently doesn’t have much of a connection to anyone outside of the police force.)  Towards the end of the episode, there’s a shoot-out in a department store and it’s hard not to notice that neither the crooks nor the cops seem to be all that concerned with the innocent bystanders trying to not get caught in the crossfire.

The pilot is dark, gritty, and, in its way, as stylized as any episode of Miami Vice.  It never seems to stop raining and, even during the day, the skies are permanently gray and dark.  The early 60s are recreated like a fever dream of pop culture, with rock and roll on the soundtrack, cars with tail fins screeching down the street, and Bartoli living in a house that looks more like a tacky diner then a true home.  Torello and his men wear their dark suits and trenchcoats the way that soldiers wear their uniforms.

It’s an effective pilot, though we don’t really get to know much about the men working with Torello at the Major Crimes Unit.  Bill Smitrovich, in the role Detective Danny Krycheck, establishes himself as being Torello’s second-in-command but that’s about it.  Stephen Lang appears in a handful of scenes as David Abrams, a liberal public defender who is the son of a prominent gangster.  Both Luca and Torello seem to want to make David into an alley and the episode hints that he will eventually have to make a choice.  The episode ends with Luca in sunny Florida, meeting with veteran gangster Manny Weisbord (Joseph Wiseman).  Torello, meanwhile, remains in dark Chicago.

The Crime Story pilot was deemed good enough to be released as a feature film in Europe.  It also led to a series on NBC, which I will be reviewing here, every Monday!  On the basis of the pilot, I’m looking forward to it.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.14 “Careless Whisper”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Ellie figures something out about Marco.

Episode 2.14 “Careless Whisper”

(Dir by Laurie Lynd, originally aired on January 13th, 2003)

This episode opens with Marco, Jimmy, and Spinner playing basketball and Marco staring at the shirtless Spinner until Spinner says, “What are you looking at, fag?”

Later, when Dr. Sally (Sue Johanson) comes to give the Health class her annual sex education talk, Jimmy and Spinner ask her how a dude could be attracted to another dude.  At this point, someone in the class could have and perhaps should have pointed out that Jimmy and Spinner seem to spend a lot of time together but instead, everyone just snickers.

Everyone except for Marco.  As class ends, Marco is quick to tell Spinner and Jimmy that he hates gay people.

Meanwhile, Ellis is wondering why Marco never seems to show her any affection.  They’re hanging out.  They’re going to the movies.  And yet, she feels like Marco is still more of a friend than a boyfriend….

Yes, this is the episode where Ellie figures out that Marco is gay.  When Ellie asks him, “Do you like girls at all?,” Marco replies with, “I don’t know.”  As we all yell, “No, Ellie!,” Ellie agrees to continue to pretend to be Marco’s girlfriend so that Spinner and Jimmy won’t make fun of him but she says that this isn’t a permanent arrangement….

Seriously, Ellie was always getting her heart broken on this show.  First, she agreed to be Marco’s pretend girlfriend.  Then she dated Sean, even though he was obviously still in love with Emma.  Then she pursued Craig, who was incapable of loving anyone other than himself.  And finally, she fell for that narcissistic college newspaper editor.  Ellie deserved better and really, while I have sympathy for Marco’s struggle to accept his sexuality while being best friends with the two biggest homophobes in Canada, Marco was always at his most selfish when it came to Ellie.

That said, both Adamo Ruggiero and Stacey Farber give good performances in this episode, as Marco and Ellis respectively.  Today, we kind of take it for granted that every high school-based show is going to have at least a handful of gay characters.  (By the end of Degrassi’s Netflix run, almost everyone in the school was LGBTQ.)  In 2003, though, an extended storyline like this was still a big deal and it undoubtedly took some guts on the part of the showrunners.

As for the B-story, Toby is totally in love with Kendra.  Kendra thinks that Toby is getting a bit too possessive.  Toby agrees to back off a little.  Kendra, you can do better.  Sorry, Tobes.

 

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.7 “The Heart of a Saturday Night”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Whit Stillman directs a story of pain and tragedy.

Episode 5.7 “The Heart of a Saturday Night”

(Dir by Whit Stillman, originally aired on November 15th, 1995)

The Heart of a Saturday Night is a great episode of Homicide, with the exception of one decision that annoyed the Hell out of me.

It’s an experimental episode.  We watch as the Homicide detectives work three cases — a carjacking the results in the death of a wife and mother, a bar fight at the Waterfront that results in the death of an alcoholic husband, and the assault and murder of a young woman in East Baltimore.  While Bayliss, Giardello, Munch, and Lewis investigate the cases, we see the survivors at a group therapy meeting.  Rosanna Arquette plays the widow of the man killed in the bar fight.  The great Chris Eigeman is the widower of the carjacking victim.  Polly Holliday and Tom Quinn play the parents of the murdered woman.

It’s a bit stagey and talky but it works, largely due to the performances of the guest cast and the intelligent direction of Whit Stillman.  As anyone who has seen any of his films can attest, Stillman is unusually skilled at making conversation compelling.  It’s a powerful episode because it reminds us that while the Homicide detectives are just doing their job, the cases they investigate leave lasting scars on those left behind.  Munch is more concerned with the murder at his bar than the carjacking to which he and Lewis have been assigned but Giardello explains that Munch cannot investigate a crime that occurred at a location that he owns.  Giardello investigated the murder at the bar and one gets the feeling that he largely just wants to get out of the office.  Lewis becomes obsessed with solving the carjacking but we all know eventually he’ll move on because that’s his job.  There’s always going to be another murder.  But for the victim’s husband, life is never going to be the same again.  He’s angry and bitter, especially since he knows the carjackers will probably never be caught.  (At the end of the episode, his wife’s name is the only one still in red on the board,)  His words aren’t always pleasant but he has every right to be angry.  Chris Eigeman’s performance is incredible and heart-breaking.  Even more so than the effective but overwrought Bop Gun, this episode captured the pain of being a survivor.

It’s a powerful episode, up until the the moment that the final member of the therapy group shows up and it turns out to be Dr. Cox.  As good as Michelle Forbes has been in the role, this is the third episode-in-a-row in which Cox suddenly takes center stage.  It’s hard not to feel that the show is demanding that we love Dr. Cox as much as the writers obviously do.  The problem is that this is only Dr. Cox’s third episode.  The constant spotlight on Cox feels hamfisted and a bit premature.  It reminds me of when The Office tried to make us embrace characters like Robert California and Nellie Bertram.  (This is probably the only time in history that The Office and Homicide will ever be compared to each other.)

Other than the awkward inclusion of Dr. Cox at the end, this was a powerful episode.  Homicide took a risk and, for the most part, it paid off.

Brad revisits the Hong Kong classic POLICE STORY (1985), starring Jackie Chan!


I knew who Jackie Chan was well before I discovered Hong Kong cinema in the early 90’s through the works of John Woo and Chow Yun-Fat. I had seen him in the CANNONBALL RUN movies, including part 2 in the movie theater, and I recognized the VHS for THE PROTECTOR (1985) at my local video store, but I had no idea just how amazing he was as a filmmaker and performer until I became obsessed with Hong Kong’s local film industry in the mid-90’s. As I read about the incredible work that Chan had done or was doing in books like “Hong Kong Babylon,” I made notes on all of his movies that I wanted to see. Of course, the original POLICE STORY was at the top of the list. 

In POLICE STORY, Chan plays Hong Kong cop Chan Ka-Kui. In the film’s opening scene, he takes part in a sting operation to bring down Chu (Yuen Chor), one of Hong’s major drug kingpins. After the plan goes awry, we get an incredible action sequence where cars crash through a shantytown, bullets fly, cops piss themselves, Chan hangs off of a bus with the handle of an umbrella, runs down a mountain, arrests the drug lord, and we’re just getting started! 

From that amazing opening, Chan is assigned to protect the key witness, Salina (the gorgeous Brigitte Lin), whose testimony is key to bringing Chu down. This doesn’t go well. Between corruption in the police force, false accusations, and Chan’s tenuous relationship with his girlfriend May (Maggie Cheung), the ensuing chaos seems to indicate that Chu is going to get off on the drug charges and Chan just may end up dead.

But let’s be honest, the plot is just a reason to get to the action. And once you’ve seen a few of Jackie Chan’s Hong Kong movies, you just settle in for a loose story, lots of goofy humor (that doesn’t always work), and some of the most insane stunt work you’ll ever see. POLICE STORY is a perfect example of that formula, and quite honestly, it’s one of the great action films. The stunts feel and look dangerous. The final sequence, set in a shopping mall, is some of the best action I’ve ever seen in a movie. I sat there with my mouth open and shaking my head as great stunt after grunt stunt takes place. I can’t help but wonder how many people got injured doing those scenes as glass shatters, bodies fly, and Chan puts himself through hell for the sake of the scene. It can’t be described… it needs to be experienced.

And yet, for all the amazing action, I can relate to Jackie Chan. He messes up. He gets hurt. He argues with his girlfriend. I’ve done all of these things, and I love it when he gets his stuff together and uses his unique set of skills to save the day!

As awesome as POLICE STORY is, viewers need to be aware of the serious tonal shifts that take place in the Hong Kong cinema of the 80’s. It can be a little jarring if you’re not used to it, as the movie goes from slapstick comedy to brutal action to melodrama, sometimes within the same scene. In some ways, that’s part of the charm, but these films can feel very strange for the uninitiated.

At the end of the day POLICE STORY isn’t perfect, but it is Jackie Chan at his best… fearless, inventive, and committed to giving the audience their money’s worth. If you’re interested in the unique and dangerous films that Chan made at this physical peak, this is as good as it gets.

POLICE STORY is currently streaming on HBOMAX.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.19 “Slater’s Friend”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, we finish up the first season.

Episode 1.19 “Slater’s Friend”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 28th, 1992)

Who killed Artie?

That’s the question that Zack, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, and Screech are left to consider when Slater’s pet chameleon Artie dies.  Slater specifically asked them to take care of Artie while he was out of town.  When Slater returns to Bayside, both Zack and the girls attempt to fool him with a duplicate chameleon because no one on this show ever just tells the truth.  When Slater figures out that Artie is dead, he’s bitter and he’s angry and he even disrupts Coach Rizzo’s (Frankie Como) speech class.  Belding, of all people, emerges as the hero, telling Slater that it’s okay to be sad.  In the end, Artie is given a funeral and the cast sings Artie Boy.

This episode has long had a reputation for being the worst episode of Saved By The Bell.  NBC was so embarrassed by it that they actually didn’t air it until four years after it was filmed.  In his highly-suspect autobiography, Dustin Diamond claimed that everyone was trying not to laugh during the funeral scene.

Well, you know what?  This episode — as silly as it is — kind of works.  If you’ve ever lost a pet, you can relate to Slater’s grief.  And really, Slater having a pet chameleon makes sense when you consider the fact that he spent his entire childhood traveling from one military base to another.  It’s not like he could really own a cat or even a dog under those circumstances.  A lizard on the other hand….

This episode is actually a good example of how good Mario Lopez actually was in the role of A.C. Slater.  When Slater says, “It’s just a dead lizard,” your heart breaks for him.  When he hugs Mr. Belding, you feel Slater’s pain.  Even in an episode that ends with everyone singing a song about a chameleon, Mario Lopez gave it his all.

Worst episode ever?  Not hardly!  We’ve still got the Tori episodes to review, after all.  In fact, my only complaint about this episode is that Coach Rizzo was never brought back.  He was my favorite teacher at Bayside!

Next week, we’ll start season 2!