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Late Night Retro Television Review: Sledge Hammer! 1.1 “Under the Gun”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing SLEDGE HAMMER!, a cop comedy which ran on ABC from 1986 to 1988. The entire series can be found on Prime!

My friend Pat McCurry introduced me to Sledge Hammer earlier this year.  Starring David Rasche as Detective Sledge Hammer, this show was a parody of Dirty Harry and Hunter.  Since I’m currently reviewing Hunter on Thursday night, it seems only appropriate to review Sledge Hammer on Friday night!

Episode 1.1 “Under the Gun

(Dir by Martha Coolidge, originally aired on September 23rd, 1986)

“HAMMER!” shouts police Captain Trunk (Harrison Page), “YOU COULDN’T RESIST BLOWING UP A BUILDING ON YOUR WAY TO WORK THIS MORNING, COULD YOU!?”

Captain Trunk yells a lot but that’s just because he’s been put in charge of managing Detective Sledge Hammer (David Rasche), a San Francisco cop who talks to his gun and who is currently on suspension for shooting a robber at a grocery store before then buying some eggs and “those little cocktail weenies.”  When asked by a reporter if his response was too violent, Hammer replied that he really needed his groceries.

For the record, Trunk is correct.  Hammer did blow up a building on his way to work.  There was a sniper on the roof so Hammer pulled a rocket launcher out of the back of his car and took care of the problem.

Despite all of that, the mayor (John Vernon, who previously played San Francisco’s mayor in Dirty Harry) orders that Sledge Hammer be taken off suspension.  The Mayor’s daughter, Francie (Judie Aronson), has disappeared.  (“She was either kidnapped or she is just very good at hiding.”)  The police think that she was taken by the Allied Violent Offence Network (AVON), a terrorist group led by Weird Willy Luxley (D.W. Brown).  Weird Willy is so evil that his own parents gave him up for adoption three years before he was born.  The Mayor thinks that Sledge Hammer’s unapologetic embrace of violence is the way to go.

Hammer is assigned a partner, Dori Doreau (Anne-Marie Martin), an expert in negotiation and criminal psychology.  At first, Hammer is uneasy about working with a woman.  But, when he sees her beat up a man with a shotgun, he’s impressed.  “That was excessively violent and totally unnecessary.  I loved it.”  Doreau mentions she was at the top of her class in hand-to-hand combat.  “I’d like to fight you sometimes, Doreau,” Hammer replies.

Hammer promises to bring back “the mayor’s daughter, dead or alive.”  Reasoning that it’s usually a member of the family who is to blame in cases like this, Hammer arrests and interrogates the Mayor’s wife.  That gets Hammer suspended again but it turns out that Hammer was half-right.  It wasn’t the Mayor’s wife.  Instead, in true Patty Hearst manner, it turns out that Francie Flambo is a member of AVON and she arranged her own kidnapping!

It all leads to a shootout in a warehouse, as these things often do.  When AVON makes their ransom demand, Doreau is sent to deliver the money.  (She’s actually given a suitcase full of shredded paper.)  Sledge Hammer crashes through a skylight and lands on a box, grinning.

“Why are you smiling!?”  Weird Willie Luxley demands.

“I’m trigger happy, that’s why!” Hammer replies.

Soon, all of the members of AVON have been subdued and Francie has been arrested.  The Mayor offers Doreau a promotion but Doreau refuses to accept it because she feels that Hammer is not being given the recognition that he deserves.

This seems like the start of a beautiful friendship.

The first episode of Sledge Hammer may be 40 years old but it’s still feels relevant and the laughs still feel earned.  As played by David Rasche, Sledge Hammer is the perfect parody of every unapologetically violent action hero.  Though there are hints of attraction between him and Doreau, the episode makes it pretty clear that Hammer’s true love is for his gun.  At the same time, there’s something rather refreshing about Hammer’s total and complete lack of angst.  As I watched this episode, it occurred to me that Hammer would probably get as annoyed with Daniel Craig’s self-pitying version of James Bond as I do.

This pilot was enjoyable and funny 26 minutes of pure entertainment.  I look forward to reviewing the rest of the series!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.6 “Lost and Found In Space”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

This week, it’s not just the patients who need to be stitched up.

Episode 4.6 “Lost and Found In Space”

(Dir by Robert Becker, originally aired on November 13th, 1985)

Bobby Caldwell lives!

Things were looking pretty bad for Bobby last week.  As you may remember, he picked up a waitress, took her to his Cape Cod home, and then ended up getting slashed across the face when she pulled a razor blade out from under her tongue.  This week, Bobby is wandering around the hospital with a huge bandage on his face and telling everyone that he had an “accident.”  It’s only to Dr. Turner that he confesses that he was attacked by the waitress.  Bobby claims that he responded by punching her and that he then called the police.

Bobby spends this episode in a truly foul mood.  Not only does he have a bandage on his face but he’s also been told that the Hospital Review Board doesn’t feel that he’s performing enough surgeries for the residents to really get the training that they need.  (“We’re a teaching hospital,” Dr. Craig explains.)  Bobby pressures an old man into getting a face lift that he really doesn’t need.  Even Victor thinks that the surgery is unethical.  I mean, when you’ve lost Victor Ehrlich….

Meanwhile, Dr. Westphall is finally released from the hospital after fainting due to the Malaria that he brought back from working abroad.  Westphall is depressed about the whole thing.  Westphall is always depressed.  Even when his daughter comes home to help out, Westphall is depressed to see her.  Cheer up, Westphall!

After weeks of trying to lose weight, Elliot discovers that he’s actually gained three pounds.  What’s worse is that his girlfriend, Marcy (Jeannie Elias), lost weight at the same time that Elliot was gaining weight and, when she sees that he’s just as heavy as ever, she dumps him.

Amongst the patients, Pru Dowler (Amanda Wyss) and Buddy Askew (Mark Baker) are two developmentally challenged teenagers who end up “procreating” (as Luther puts it) in Pru’s hospital room.  Dr. Craig takes it upon himself to discuss what happened when Pru and it’s just as awkward as you might expect.

Col. Chuck Cochrane (David Ackroyd) is an astronaut who collapses while giving a speech.  In the hospital, he has nightmares about being trapped in space.  The whole storyline brought to mind The Ninth Configuration, a film that perhaps not coincidentally starred the future Donald Westphall himself, Ed Flanders.

The highlight of this episode was undoubtedly William Daniels’s performance as Dr. Craig.  With Dr. Westphall recovering his illness, the day-to-day tasks of running the hospital fell on Dr. Craig and he was not at all happy about it.  On this show, William Daniels is always at his best when Dr. Craig is in a bad mood.  Before going on rounds, Dr. Craig predicted that Dr. Morrison would show up late and have some overly complicated excuse.  Morrison did just that and it was hard not to smile at Craig’s exasperation.  At the same time, it is made clear that the main reason that Craig is upset is because his granddaughter has been taken away from him.  It was hard not to feel bad for him, even when he was biting everyone’s heads off.

This was not a happy episode.  No one in the hospital seems to be doing well.  Bobby is bitter.  Dr. Craig is angry.  Elliott is feeling defeated.  And Westphall …. well, he’s just Westphall.  Fortunately, the strong cast and the smart writing made up for the fact that St. Eligius isn’t a happy place right now.

Seriously, I could watch William Daniels yell at people all day.

Retro Television Review: Almost Heaven 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  This Thursdays, I will be reviewing Almost Heaven, which aired its only episode on ABC in 1978.  The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, we take a look at a pilot featuring a few familiar faces.

Episode 1.1 “Almost Heaven”

(Dir by Bill Persky, originally aired on December 28th, 1978)

After getting into an argument with his girlfriend, college student Dave Leland (Robert Hays) accidentally drives his car off of a cliff.  One second, Dave is plunging to his death and the next second, he’s stepping into what appears to be a rather nondescript counseling office.

He is met by Lydia (Eva Gabor), who explains that Dave is dead.  (“You’ll get used to it.”)  Dave wasn’t bad enough to go to Hell but he also wasn’t good enough to win immediate entry into Heaven so for now, he’s been assigned to work at the Heavenly Crisis and Conscience Center.  Lydia explains that this is where souls wait until they’ve done enough good deeds to enter Heaven.  It’s Almost Heaven.

At this point, I yelled at the screen, “It’s Purgatory!  Get it right!”

Dave’s job is to watch Earth on television and to counsel anyone who he sees preparing to make a bad decision.  (The people who he counsels will be brought to the office but they’ll forget about it as soon as they leave, though Dave’s hopefully good advice will remain in their minds.  Got it?)  Dave’s coworkers are snooty Randall (Richard Roat), perky Annie (Laura Heineman), and future talk show host Danny (Jay Leno).

Okay, actually, Danny is not a talk show host.  Instead, he’s the character who seems like he’s cynical but who actually has a good heart.  In life, he stole cars.  In death, he helps Dave learn the ropes and he has an oddly flirtatious vibe with Eva Gabor.

Once Dave gets used to being dead, it’s time for him to talk Bridgett (Ellen Regan) out of killing herself.  Does he succeed?  Well, it would be a really depressing sitcom if he didn’t.

Almost Heaven was a pilot that was not turned into a full series.  It aired once, a few days after Christmas, and that was it.  Robert Hays was likable in the lead role and the supporting cast did the best they could.  (It’s obvious that he was more of a stand-up than an actor but, to the probable disappointment of Conan fans everywhere, Jay Leno is actually okay in this pilot.)  The main problem with the pilot is that the script is so jokey that the moments that try to be serious — like Dave convincing Bridgett not to kill herself — feel out of place and fall flat.  This is one of those pilots where you can imagine it actually developing into a good show but only if the writers eventually managed to settle on a consistent tone.  As well, they really should have called this show Purgatory.  Almost Heaven could mean anywhere.

Almost Heaven only ran for one episode but hopefully, Dave eventually made it into Heaven.  As for Robert Hays, he went on to star in Airplane! so everything turned out for the best.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.12 “Duty Calls”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

The season continues!  Can the Bulls hold on to their undefeated record?

Episode 4.12 “Duty Calls”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on December 21st, 1988)

Considering all of the time that I’ve spent complaining about how there’s usually very little continuity from one 1st & Ten episode to another, I really do have to start this review by giving this show some credit. This episode actually follows up on something that happened a few episodes ago. Harley (Ken Morrison), the kid that Dr. Death befriended in “Injustice for All,” shows up at Bulls Stadium and tells Dr. Death that his mother has abandoned him yet again.

Dr. Death tracks Frankie (Beth Broderick) down at a biker bar and tells her that she needs to go home and take care of her son. It turns out that Frankie hasn’t even told her new boyfriend, Deacon (John Benjamin Martin), that she has a son. When Deacon finds out, he’s offended that Frankie wasn’t honest with him. He explains that bikers are all about family. If Frankie has a son, that means all of the other members of the motorcycle gang have a son as well.

(While it’s easy to scoff at this episode’s mawkish dialogue and its simplistic handling of what looks to be a case of massive parental neglect, I do have to say that my Dad had his share of biker friends and, underneath their admittedly rough exterior, they were some of the nicest people that I have ever met.)

While Dr. Death is fixing a family, Gail (Shanna Reed) and TD Parker (OJ Simpson) are trying to motivate the team to win their 11th game by offering them a $900,000 bonus if they secure a victory. This gets Gail in trouble with the rest of the league’s owners, all of whom are worried that Gail’s bonus is going to harm their bottom line. Gail’s boss, Mr. Medford (Monte Markham), thinks that it’s a great idea.

That said, the Bulls are going to have a tough game. Two Miami gamblers (one of whom is played by a youngish Chazz Palminteri) bribe the temperamental chef at Bubba and Jethro’s bar to give the Bulls food poisoning! On the morning of the game, all of the players are feeling sick and — ugh — flatulent. Will the Bulls still be able to win the game?

Yes, they do.

How do they win the game? I have no idea. Coach Denardo yells at them and then, one jump cut later, we see that the Bulls are ahead on the scoreboard. All of the players are still sick and constantly having to run off the field, but somehow they still crush their opponents. Maybe they were just playing a really bad team….

(For a show about a football team, it’s always interesting how little time 1st & Ten devotes to things like strategy or play calling. We’re told that Coach Denardo is one of the best, but it’s rare that we ever actually see him coaching.)

As nice as it was to see Dr. Death reuniting Harley with his mother, the rest of this episode was pretty much the epitome of everything that bothers me about this show. Who are the two gamblers who poisoned the entire team? The episode keeps things vague, and I imagine that we’ll never hear about either one of them again. The gamblers will vanish, just like the team’s female placekicker vanished after appearing in one episode. There really aren’t any stakes in 1st & Ten because most storylines get abandoned only a few minutes after they start.

Oh well. At least OJ Simpson always killed it in the role of TD Parker. This episode finds OJ — or actually, TD, but we all know TD might as well be named OJ — talking about the beauty of an undefeated season. Maybe that’s why the team won. They knew better than to get on OJ’s bad side.

Next week: The march to the championship game continues!

Brad reviews Samuel Fuller’s RUN OF THE ARROW (1957), starring Rod Steiger and Charles Bronson! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

RUN OF THE ARROW opens with confederate sharpshooter O’Meara (Rod Steiger) shooting the final shot of the Civil War. With no war to fight and with a heart full of hate for the Yankees, O’Meara declares himself to be a man without a country and heads west. When he’s captured by a band of Sioux warriors led by Crazy Wolf (H.M. Wynant), he invokes the “run of the arrow”, a ritualistic game that could save his life. The problem… no one has ever survived the run of the arrow, but today’s his lucky day as he’s wounded but survives just long enough to be saved by the beautiful Yellow Moccasin (Sarita Montiel). She nurses him back to health and presents him to her tribal chief, Blue Buffalo (Charles Bronson), who eventually allows O’Meara and Yellow Moccasin to get married. Things seem to be going so well, too well. When Crazy Wolf starts another violent campaign against the American army, O’Meara must decide if he’s a Sioux warrior willing to kill American soldiers, or if there’s a part of him that can still love his country?

In RUN OF THE ARROW, director Samuel Fuller made a movie about the damage that occurs when human beings allow their hearts to be so filled with hate that they quit caring about other people. It’s also about what happens when those same people run into rational people, and we find out if they’re capable of considering the possibility that their own hate has blinded them from the truth. In other words, it’s a film that’s possibly more relevant today than it was when it was made in 1957. Bitterness and hate are represented by the characters of O’Meara (Steiger), Crazy Wolf (Wynant), and Lieutenant Driscoll (Ralph Meeker). O’Meara hates Yankees, Crazy Wolf hates the white man, and Driscoll hates the Indians. The rational people are the characters of Yellow Moccasin (Montiel), Blue Buffalo (Bronson), and Captain Clark (Brian Keith). Yellow Moccasin saves O’Meara when everyone else would have just let him die. Blue Buffalo engages in honest conversation with O’Meara and even welcomes him into their tribe. Captain Clark shows O’Meara an empathetic ear and kindness when others have told him to just get over himself. The actions and fates of the characters play out against this dynamic of hatred versus humanity, with the results underscoring just how tragic it is when people focus on the things that separate us rather than the things that unite us. It’s all so unnecessary, but it’s also a realistic vision of the world we live in. The film also struck me as particularly violent for a 50’s western, which also underscores that reality.

Some of the performances are very effective in the film. Rod Steiger’s Irish, confederate Sioux is an interesting character and the actor gives it his all as you’d expect. I’m a big fan of Steiger and his performance here only solidifies my respect for him. Brian Keith’s Captain Clark arrives fairly late in the proceedings and comes across as a tough, but honest man of integrity at a point when the movie really needs him. He has an excellent scene with Steiger where he debates the old confederate’s reasons for renouncing his citizenship with both sound logic, empathy, kindness and a hint of likable sarcasm all at the same time. It’s one of the best scenes in the film. And likewise, Charles Bronson, the most buff Hollywood Indian to ever strip down to a loincloth, comes across as a reasonable and kind tribal chief in his dealings. Bronson had played American Indians before, but he was usually more of the renegade, warpath variety, so it was nice seeing him as a good guy here. H.M. Wynant took the renegade Sioux warrior role here which you might have expected for Bronson at the time. He’s suitably fierce but one-dimensional. The same can be said for Ralph Meeker as Lieutenant Driscoll. He’s pretty much just a stereotypical jerk. He’s good at being a jerk though! And Sarita Montiel, voiced by Angie Dickinson, is quite the beauty as Yellow Moccasin. 

I’ve recently heard RUN OF THE ARROW compared to Kevin Costner’s DANCES WITH WOLVES, and there are definitely similarities. I won’t go into all of those here, but one of the things I appreciated the most about RUN OF THE ARROW is the fact that the movie makes its feelings known about politics. In a movie filled with characters who have had their lives upended by the various decisions of political leaders, Fuller has crafted a story that focuses most sharply on defining the quality of men based on what’s in their “hearts.” When it’s all said and done, oftentimes the only control we have is the way we respond to the events in our lives, and that’s not politics, it’s personal. To drive this home, an older scout named Walking Coyote tells O’Meara that he could have been a chief if he had wanted to be. When O’Meara pushes him on why he didn’t want the position, Walking Coyote responds with, “Because I hate politics!” On that point, I couldn’t agree more. 

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.6 “Soap Gets in Your Eyes/A Match Made in Heaven/Tugs of the Heart”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Soon we’ll be making another round….

Episode 8.6 “Soap Gets in Your Eyes/A Match Made in Heaven/Tugs of the Heart”

(Dir by Bruce Bilson, originally aired on October 20th, 1984)

Years ago, Gopher asked Leslie Palmer (Dianne Kay) to marry him. Leslie turned him down, breaking his heart. At the time, she said that Gopher just wasn’t mature enough to marry.  He had no direction in his life.

This week, when Leslie boards the Pacific Princess, she sees that Gopher has grown up.… well, at least a little. As Gopher explains it, he has an important job, a nice salary, and a good pension. “People call me sir,” he says, and Fred Grandy delivers the line with just enough sheepishness that one gets the feeling he’s just as surprised as anyone by the fact that he’s finally gotten his life together. When Gopher again asks Leslie to marry him, she says yes.

Oh my God! First Julie got married and now Gopher! Is there going to be anyone left on the ship?!

Well, hold on. Leslie may accept Gopher’s proposal, but later she has a breakdown and apologizes. Leslie says that she loves Gopher but, “I’m not in love with you.” It turns out that Leslie is pregnant and she accepted Gopher’s proposal so her child would not be born out of wedlock. Gopher is surprisingly forgiving.

This was actually a sweet story, largely due to Fred Grandy’s sincere performance as Gopher. At the same time, it was hard not to miss Lauren Tewes while watching this story. The Love Boat always hinted that Julie was destined to end up with either Doc or Gopher. Pat Klous is doing a good job as Julie’s replacement, but she still doesn’t have the same chemistry with the cast that Tewes did. If Julie McCoy seemed like everyone’s sister, Judy seems like everyone’s respected coworker.

While Gopher was getting his heart broken, the recently deceased Jack Davidson (Bill Macy) boarded the ship with his guardian angel, Mr. Weatherby (Fritz Weaver). In order to get into heaven, Jack would have to commit one selfless act while on the boat. Jack met and fell in love with Blair Chapman (Juliet Mills). However, knowing that he was destined to disappear into the afterlife immediately after the cruise ended, Jack gently told Blair that he couldn’t get involved with her. That counted as his selfless act. As for Blair, it turned out that she was terminally ill and had only a month or so to live. Jack leaves the boat happy, knowing that Blair will soon die and be in Heaven with him. Only The Love Boat could present dying as a happy ending.

Finally, soap opera actor David Swick (Charles Frank) plays a villain on daytime television, but he’s a nice guy in real life. Melanie (Susan Blanchard) discovers this firsthand when she meets David on the boat and they fall in love. Unfortunately, Melanie’s mother (Jayne Meadows) cannot forgive David for all the evil things his character has done on television. This story was just silly, but at least Frank and Blanchard had a likable chemistry.

Though the season overall may have gotten off to a rough start, this week’s episode of The Love Boat was actually a pretty pleasant cruise. Fred Grandy got to do something other than just be goofy. Juliet Mills died .… okay, well that wasn’t pleasant, but at least she’ll have someone waiting for her in the afterlife. As for the soap opera storyline, it took me back to those summer days when I was out of school and I watched the daytime dramas with my mom and my aunt. Those were good memories.

I enjoyed this cruise! The Love Boat truly has something for everyone.