Happy San Jacinto Day!
You can celebrate by watching my favorite scene from Richard Linklater’s Bernie! I really love this quick lesson about my home state:
By the way, that line about “Dallas snobs,” always got a big laugh from the audiences at the Dallas Angelika. It’s important to have a sense of humor.
Don’t worry, Vermont. You’ll learn how to laugh at yourself someday.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, it’s a musical conflict!
Episode 5.16 “Battle of the Bands”
(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 31st, 1982)
Jon Baker cannot understand the appeal of punk rock. He says that the punk rockers all seem to be suburban kids so why are they so angry? They’re not from “the ghetto,” as Baker puts it.
“Suburbs can be a ghetto too, Jon.” Grossie says.
Grossie, who is definitely my favorite member of the Highway Patrol, explains that he likes to keep up with youth culture and, as a result, he understands the difference between Punk and New Wave. Punk rockers have fans who slam dance while New Wave bands have fans who pogo. Grossie demonstrates how to do each dance while the other members of the Highway Patrol watch. When Getraer demands to know why Grossie is slamming himself against the lockers in the locker room, Grossie proceeds to hop out of the room.
This is all important information for Baker to have because there’s a Battle of the Bands coming up. New Waver Snow Pink (Susan Richardson) is eager to win but her guitars were recently stolen out of her band’s van. Unfortunately, Snow Pink has been targeted by Pain, a punk band that is led by Thrasher (William Forsythe). Thrasher doesn’t care about making good music. All he wants to do is cause trouble!
Now, I will say that Thrasher is kind of intimidating. That’s more due to him being played by a young William Forsythe than anything else. He’s a “punk,” which, in the world of CHiPs, means that he has a mohawk and his two bandmates have shaved heads. (If anything, they look more like Neo-Nazis than punk rockers. Johnny Rotten would have kicked them out of a moving car.) That said, when Thrasher flicks his lighter and talks about trashing the club, you believe that there’s a very good chance that he’ll do just that. Fortunately, the Highway Patrol is there to stop him.
Now, as you probably already guessed, there was no way that CHiPs was going to do a Battle of the Bands episode without giving Ponch a band. Ponch competes and he sings Kool & The Gang’s Celebration. It’s disco vs punk vs new wave! Of course, punk doesn’t really get to compete because the band is arrested. And Ponch really can’t win because then his character would have an excuse to leave the show. So, it’s not a shock when Snow Pink wins the Battle of the Bands.
To be absolutely honest, this episode was surprisingly fun. It was definitely an episode of its era, embracing both music and the moral panic of the 80s. The punks were unconvincing. Snow Pink was actually a pretty good singer. Estrada flashed that blinding grin while singing disco. Baker once again comes close to getting a romantic subplot. Grossie gets a monologue about the ideology of punk rock. What’s not to like? Bury this episode in the ground because it’s a time capsule!
One final note: Baker, at one point, says that Ponch might leave the Highway Patrol to pursue his musical career. It’s impossible not to hear the note of hope in Larry Wilcox’s voice.
If you’re looking for a good “dirty cops” movie to pass the time, I ran across an entertaining one today called THE COPS ARE ROBBERS (AKA – GOOD COPS, BAD COPS). It’s currently playing on Amazon Prime and Tubi. The film is a 1990 TV movie based on the real life robbery of the Boston Depositors Trust bank over Memorial Day weekend in 1980 by a group of corrupt cops. I first became aware of the film when I took part in an interview with Robert F. Lyons about his career on the This Week in Charles Bronson podcast. Lyons specifically mentioned this film as containing a role that he really enjoyed.
THE COPS ARE ROBBERS features an incredible cast, and this is what ultimately sets the movie apart for me. The movie opens as top cop Kirkland, played by George Kennedy, assigns Jake Quinn (Ed Asner), to lead a notoriously corrupt law enforcement agency in Massachusetts. No sooner does Quinn take over, when the Boston Depositors Trust is hit over Memorial Day weekend with over $25 million in cash and jewels taken. The crew of criminals includes current cops Jerry Clemente (Ray Sharkey) and Jimmy Donnelly (Steve Railsback), ex-cop Frank Moran (James Keach), and safe expert Benny Brown (Lyons). Over the next 5 years, with the assistance of officers Brill (James Morrison) and Kellogg (Franc Luz), Jake Quinn does every thing he can to bring Clemente and his crew down!
Ed Asner, Ray Sharkey and Robert F. Lyons are the real standouts of the film. Asner brings a toughness and honesty to his role honed by decades of playing such roles. In other words, the part fits him like a glove. Sharkey plays his part as a man who’s so arrogant and corrupt that he doesn’t seem to realize that using his position of trust in the community for his own selfish gain is a problem. He seems to think he deserves whatever he can steal, and it’s fun to see the pressure squeeze in on him as the film moves along. After watching the film, I can see why Lyons enjoyed playing this part, as he is excellent in his role as the safe expert. He is one of the most important parts of the robbery, he doesn’t trust cops, and he eventually gets the opportunity to give them a reason not to trust him. It’s a nice showcase for his talents.
At the end of the day, if you like the cast, enjoy movies based on true stories, or appreciate TV movies from the late 80’s and early 90’s, I definitely think you’ll enjoy THE COPS ARE ROBBERS. Veteran Director Paul Wendkos (CANNON FOR CORDOBA, THE BAD SEED) brings a professional touch to the proceedings, and for me, watching his film was a fun way to spend an evening.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On this Monday, I will be reviewing Making It Legal, which aired once on ABC in 2007 and then never aired again.
Last Monday, I finished up Miami Vice. For the rest of the week, I was busy. This weekend, I was even busier. That’s a polite way of saying that I haven’t had a chance to settle on a new Monday series. However, I did find a show that only lasted one episode. So, let’s take a quick look at 2007’s Making It Legal.
Episode 1.1 “Pilot”
(Dir by Gary Halvorson, originally aired on January 31st, 2007)
At the high-powered law firm of Kolar, Dalton, Babbit & Leahy, Josh (Scott Wolf) and Julie (Ashley Williams) are the leaders of the Blue Team, one of the firm’s eight litigation groups. Both Josh and Julie are hoping to someday be promoted to a partnership. They’re friends but they also understand that only one of them can become a partner. Josh is a little uptight and tends to push himself and those around him too much. Julie is neurotic in the way that most professional women on network sitcoms in days immediately following Friends were neurotic. One night, after a long day of hard work, Josh and Julie gave in too temptation and made love all over the office. The sitcom picks up the morning after. Josh doesn’t want anyone to find out about their one night stand. Julie agrees and then tells her friend Elise (Ayda Field) who proceeds to tell paralegal Theressa (Kym Whitley)….
Meanwhile, Mr. Kolar (Robert Wagner) has hired Trevor (Ben Savage) and assigned him to work with Josh. Trevor is the son of a legendary attorney and he’s eager to escape from his father’s shadow. He’s neurotic because everyone on this show is neurotic. Josh doesn’t want to work with Trevor and he proceeds to give Trevor a huge amount of files to go through.
Meanwhile, Ethan (Geoffrey Arend), the weird guy of the blue group, continually does bad celebrity impersonations. I mean really, really bad. What makes it even worse is that I don’t think they’re meant to be bad. On a sitcom where every joke is telegraphed and all of the dialogue hits with the subtlety of a sledge hammer, no one mentions that Ethan’s impersonations are bad. There’s no way this show would have passed up the chance to point out that Ethan’s Christopher Walken impersonation sounds nothing like Christopher Walken.
Watching this pilot, it’s easy to see why Making It Legal didn’t become a regular series. The pilot is bad, sluggishly paced and not particularly engaging. Scott Wolf and Ashley Williams have no chemistry. Ayda Field and Kym Whitley are stuck playing characters who have no personality. Geoffrey Arend’s character is a bunch of quirks that add up to nothing. And then you’ve got Ben Savage, who has never been a particularly good actor but who at least knows how to deliver hackneyed sitcom dialogue. Unfortunately, Trevor still isn’t a particularly likable character. At one point, he falls asleep on a couch and misses the start of a very important meeting. Of course, a panicked Trevor runs into the conference room and promptly trips and falls to the floor. My reaction was that Trevor should have been fired on the spot.
The laugh track disagreed with me, though. This pilot has one of the most intrusive laugh tracks that I have ever heard. Every line of dialogue is followed by canned laughter. Whenever anyone steps into a room, we hear laughter. When people leave a room, we hear laughter. Nothing funny has been said. Nothing funny has happened. But if enough laughter is heard on the soundtrack, maybe we can be fooled into thinking something funny has happened.
Probably the only thing that really did work about the pilot was the casting of Robert Wagner. Wagner wanders through the action with a permanent scowl. He doesn’t appear to be in a good mood. It’s hard not to sympathize with him.
Next week, I’ll start reviewing a show that lasted more than one episode!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015! The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.
It’s a nice day for a white wedding!
Episodes 2.12 and 2.13 “White Wedding”
(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on January 6th, 2003)
Snake and Spike get married!
Of course, there’s some drama on the way. How much drama? Let’s count.
This episode is classic Degrassi. It’s also one of the best-known episodes because Nickelodeon used to repeat it constantly. Yay for Snake and Spike! And yay for Emma! Who wouldn’t want their single mother to marry one of their teachers?
Okay, I don’t think anyone would want that. Still, it worked out well for the show.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.
This week, Detective Much meets Dr. Cox.
Episode 5.6 “White Lies”
(Dir by Peter Weller, originally aired on November 8th, 1996)
When a suburban housewife is reportedly found dead in bed, Detective Munch suspects that she was murdered by her husband, Phillip Engle (Scott Bryce, of As The World Turns fame). Munch points out that the dead woman was wearing makeup, that Engle’s story is full of holes, and that it doesn’t make sense that a healthy woman’s heart would just stop in the middle of the night. However, Dr. Cox is not convinced that the woman was murdered and, as she puts it, it’s not a murder until the M.E. says it is. Munch finds himself investigating a crime that may or may not have been committed. Ultimately, it turns out that the woman died of a heroin overdose. Philip Engle was not trying to cover up a murder when he redressed his wife and moved her from the bathroom floor to her bed. Instead, he was trying to preserve his wife’s dignity.
The story was a sad one and Scott Bryce did a great job as Phillip Engle. For that matter, Richard Belzer gave one of his better performances as Munch. This episode made you both respect Munch’s tenacity as a detective while also making you hate him for putting Phillip through so much pain. That said, it was hard not to feel that this episode was a continuation of last week’s introduction of Dr. Cox. The show seems to be really determined to make us love Dr. Cox. I mean, we get it, Homicide. She’s a badass. You don’t have to keep hitting us over the head with it.
Meanwhile, Frank is still offering advice to Bayliss on how to be a homicide detective, even though Frank’s not allowed to go to crime scenes or conduct interrogations. Bayliss’s latest case involves a suspect with a long history of stealing cars. Frank watches as Bayliss screws up an interrogation, getting so lost in talking about how much he would like to steal a car and cruise down to California that the suspect replies, “I want a lawyer.” Bayliss responds to Pembleton’s criticism by telling Pembleton to go into the Box and get the confession himself. Bayliss seems to be sincere. He truly wants Pembleton back in the Box. Pembleton fantasies about storming into the Box like the Pembleton of old but he can’t do it. He can’t break regulations. He can’t risk another stroke. As for the murder suspect, he goes free.
Lewis kicks Brodie out of his house. Kay offers to let Brodie stay with her but Brodie ultimately declines the offer because he doesn’t want people gossiping about Kay. Brodie says that he’s just going to sleep in the station. Good luck with that, Brodie! Seriously, do they even pay Brodie? Why is he always one step away from living on the streets?
Kellerman take a polygraph concerning the accusations that he took a bribe from the Rolands. Kellerman answers, “No,” when asked if he ever took a bribe but he ends the exam when he’s asked whether or not he knows of any other cops who were on Mitch Roland’s payroll. Kellerman is told that he passed the polygraph. But, so did Mitch Roland and “he answered all the questions.”
This was an okay episode, with the scenes between Bayliss and Pembleton being the highlight. The stuff with the Rolands and the bribery accusations isn’t doing much for me. This feels like a storyline that should have been resolved already. That said, I do like it when Kellerman gets annoyed. This episode ended with him hitting a punching bad and looking good while he did it.
Don’t let the bastards get you down, Kellerman!
The film RISEN opens up just after Jesus Christ is crucified, but before he actually dies. Badass Roman soldier Clavius (Joseph Fiennes) has been put in charge of making sure that Jesus dies and that his followers don’t try to steal his body and claim that he’s “risen” from the dead. Clavius sees Jesus (played by Cliff Curtis) die with his own eyes and allows the Jewish aristocrat Joseph of Arimathea to take the body and place him in his own tomb. Clavius oversees the sealing of the tomb and posts two soldiers on guard. That night the tomb is mysteriously opened, the guards are nowhere to be found, and the rumors begin to circulate that Jesus has risen from the dead. Roman political leader Pilate (Peter Firth) is not happy about all of this disruption in his area, especially with Tiberius Caesar scheduled to visit, so he orders Clavius and his right hand man Lucius (Tom Felton) to find Jesus’ body at all costs.
I’m writing this review a couple of weeks after Easter 2026, and RISEN takes place in the aftermath of Easter Sunday and the 40 days that Jesus spent appearing to his disciples and preparing them to carry his message to the masses. RISEN is an interesting take on the story as it focuses on Clavius, turning him into a detective trying to solve the mystery of Jesus’ missing body. We get to see him interrogate the disciples he can get his hands on, bribe various people for information and even beat information out of people when necessary. No matter what he tries, he keeps running into dead ends.
I’ll give Director Kevin Reynolds (ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES, THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO) some credit for his solid direction of RISEN. His PG-13 rated film made my toes curl up and made me hold my nose multiple times, whether it be the somewhat graphic breaking of the legs of the men being crucified or the times spent with rotting, decaying bodies and the flies and imagined smells that go with them. The film didn’t skimp on these scenes, and it was pretty sickening. But then there is a blunt, powerful scene where Clavius is suddenly forced to deal with things that he can’t reconcile in his own mind. The scene I’m referencing made me feel a sense of awe and wonder and somehow caught me by surprise even in a faith-based film. There aren’t many miracles shown in the film, but those we see are truly heartwarming. RISEN forced strong feelings out of me both physically and emotionally, creating a more powerful experience than I was expecting.
The acting in RISEN is very good. Joseph Fiennes is downright excellent as Clavius. His performance as the tough, weary, cynical soldier is balanced perfectly as his complete disbelief turns into something different based on the events he witnesses throughout the story. The emotional conflict we see in his eyes when he first sees the resurrected Jesus is incredible work. Peter Firth is solid as the politically powerful, but seriously insecure Pilate, who worries more about public perception than the truth. And I’ve always liked the actor Cliff Curtis, who plays Jesus here. He portrays a strong sense of peace and love that is immediately believable and very effective. (On a personal note, Curtis’ scene in the Denzel Washington, Oscar winner TRAINING DAY has always been one of my favorite moments in cinema.)
Overall, I highly recommend RISEN. The film features an incredible lead performance from Fiennes, and the detective story angle brings something distinct and interesting to the table. Due to personal convictions, Christians will find the story the most powerful, but this is a movie that can reach a much wider audience than you might expect.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
Screech has the worst friends in the world.
Episode 1.18 “Screech’s Birthday”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 14th, 1992)
Screech is upset because all of his “friends” (and his robot, Kevin) forgot his birthday. His friends decide to make it up to him by throwing him a small party in Mr. Belding’s office. However, in order to use Belding’s office, they need control of the halls so they come up with an elaborate scheme to get hall monitor Neil (Jesse Wilson) fired so that Screech can take his place. However, Screech takes his job too seriously and sends everyone to detention, including almost everyone who is supposed to be at his party.
Oh my God, what is Zack going to do!?
Zack uses the PA system to ask that Slater, Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, and Screech come to the principal’s office.
Seriously, that’s all he does.
A few thoughts:
First off, the only reason that Zack his available to call everyone to the principal’s office is because Screech doesn’t send him to detention despite the fact that he catches Zack in the hallway without a hall pass. Now, you might think Zack has immunity because he’s Screech’s best friend but Screech previously sent Lisa — the girl he loves — to detention so why would he give Zack a break? Add to that, Screech is mad at Zack for forgetting his birthday. So, I would think Zack would especially be someone that Screech would want to punish.
Secondly, why couldn’t they just throw Screech a surprise party at Zack’s house? Or Slater’s house? Or the Maxx? Or anywhere other than Belding’s office?
Third, this episode does feature two of my favorite supporting characters, Neil the nasty hall monitor and Mr. Dewey (Patrick Thomas O’Brien), the burned out teacher. Sadly, this was Neil’s only appearance.
Fourth, this episode was filmed for the first season and aired in syndication as a part of the first season but, for some reason, NBC didn’t air the episode until the fourth season. It’s really not any worse than the typical Saved By The Bell episode so it’s odd that NBC held off on airing it for so long.
Fifth, always remember your friends’s birthdays. It’s not that hard!
Growing Pains (Tubi)
Matthew Perry played the boyfriend of Kirk Cameron’s sister. He drank too much, he crashed his car, and he died. This is one of those very special episodes that one might roll their eyes at, if not for the fact that it guest starred Perry. Because it did guest star Perry, it was very sad to watch.
Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock)
A review for this episode will be dropping tomorrow.
Kyōryū Sentai Zyuranger (Shout TV)
In this show, from Japan, a group of teenagers used the power of the dinosaurs to defeat a witch. I watched three episodes on Saturday. The stop-motion dinosaurs and tigers were cute.
The Right Time (YouTube)
This was a 90s music show that was hosted by singer Tom Jones. I watched two episodes on Friday. The first one was called “Pop Music” and I enjoyed it. The second one was called “Gospel Music” and it was a little dull.
Saved By The Bell (Tubi)
A review for this episode will be dropping later tonight.
Who’s The Boss (Prime)
On Friday, after Jeff and I finished up The Trip, Amazon took us straight into this Tony Danza-starring sitcom. We watched the first episode, which was pretty forgettable. (Danza is a former baseball player turned housekeeper and no one can believe it.) The theme song kind of got stuck in my head though.
WKRP In Cincinnati (DVD)
Jeff and I watched several episodes of this 70s sitcom over the week. Even if the humor was a bit dated, it was a funny show. Herb Tarlek’s suits were amazing.
Watched and Reviewed:
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.
This week …. oh, who cares? Season one is nearly over.
Episode 1.20 “Old Friends”
(Dir by Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on March 30th, 1990)
Cort is shocked when he thinks he sees his old friend, Lance (Jeff Lester), piloting a boat. But Lance is dead! Nope, it turns out that Lance faked his death and now he wants Cort to help him commit insurance fraud. Cort doesn’t want to do anything of the sort but he is kind of in love with Lance’s sister (Susan Diol).
Oh, who cares? It’s a typical Cort story. Apparently, Cort is some sort of international bad boy, even though he just comes across as being a beach bum. Cort stories are always kind of boring because Cort has never made much sense as a character.
Meanwhile, Mitch, Craig, and Garner go camping. Mitch goes hang gliding. He ends up crashing into a tree and then getting attack by a snake. Craig uses his hang glider to search for Mitch. Craig finds him but his radio breaks down so Garner — who has never hang glided before — decides to use the one remaining hang glider to search for his friends. A gust of wind takes Garner from the mountains to the beach. Eventually, Mitch and Craig are rescued. No one dies. Snake bites aren’t that dangerous, I guess.
This was a weird episode. The first season of Baywatch premiered on NBC. NBC cancelled the show after the first season and this episode definitely feels like a show on its way out. The whole episode looks and feels cheap. There’s a noticeable lack of extras on the beach. The hang gliding scenes are not particularly convincing. Everything about the episode practically shouts, “Nearly bankrupt!” Even Hasselhoff apparently didn’t want to do too much with this episode as he spends almost the entire running time delirious from the snake bite.
This episode had one funny moment. Mitch, losing control of his hang glider, yells into his radio, “Is anyone there!?” Cut to Craig and Garner at the campsite, totally ignoring the radio. I guess it makes sense. Why would a lifeguard pay attention when someone was doing something that could potentially get him killed?
Next week — season one ends!
Through the Shattered Lens 