Mike LaVelle | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Screech is a pawn yet again.

Episode 2.8 “Miss Bayside”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 27th, 1990)

It’s time for the annnual Miss Bayside pageant!

Jessie considers Miss Bayside to be sexist and she tries to organize a boycott. Lisa says “No way.” She wants to be Miss Bayside. Lisa enters and so does Kelly because Kelly’s family is poor and she could really use the extra money that comes from being a beauty queen. Finally, Jessie goes against her pledge not to compete and enters because she wants to teach everyone about inner beauty.

Zack bets Slater that he can make anyone into the next Miss Bayside. Slater takes the bet on the condition that he get to pick the person. And, of course, Slater picks Screech….

Oh, this episode. When I talk about Dustin Diamond being too young to be on this show, this is the sort of epiosde that I’m talking about. While Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, and eventually Slater all come across as being confident and happy while competing for the title of Miss Bayside, Screech looks awkward, embarrassed, and almost troll-like. I’m not even a Screech fan (or a Dustin Diamond fan for that matter, God rest his soul) but even I felt bad for him when he walked out on stage in a 1920s-style bathing suit. While everyone else on the episode was obviously closer to adulthood than childhood (i.e. Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Tiffani Thiessen were both 16, and Elizabeth Berkley and Mario Lopez were both 17), Dustin Diamond was 13 and looked even younger. That gives this entire episode a bit of an icky feel.

Screech does win the pageant. He wins because his robot, Kevin, accidentally gives him a black eye and Zack tells everyone that Slater did it. Screech gets the sympathy vote. Sorry, Lisa. Your dreams don’t matter. Sorry, Kelly. I guess you’re never going to be able to afford college. The importnat thing is that Screech won something that is definitely not going to lead to him being taunted later in life.

Other than Screech’s victory, this episode is remembered for two things. First, Slater absolutely kills it when he plays the drums during the talent competition. Secondly, Mr. Belding sings the Miss Bayside song. Isn’t she he lovely/not even a girl…. It must be said that, judging from this episode, Belding has a terrible singing voice but at least he tries.

Slater should have been Miss Bayside. We all know it.

Screech has the worst friends in the world.

Episode 1.18 “Screech’s Birthday”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 14th, 1992)

Screech is upset because all of his “friends” (and his robot, Kevin) forgot his birthday. His friends decide to make it up to him by throwing him a small party in Mr. Belding’s office. However, in order to use Belding’s office, they need control of the halls so they come up with an elaborate scheme to get hall monitor Neil (Jesse Wilson) fired so that Screech can take his place. However, Screech takes his job too seriously and sends everyone to detention, including almost everyone who is supposed to be at his party.

Oh my God, what is Zack going to do!?

Zack uses the PA system to ask that Slater, Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, and Screech come to the principal’s office.

Seriously, that’s all he does.

A few thoughts:

First off, the only reason that Zack his available to call everyone to the principal’s office is because Screech doesn’t send him to detention despite the fact that he catches Zack in the hallway without a hall pass. Now, you might think Zack has immunity because he’s Screech’s best friend but Screech previously sent Lisa — the girl he loves — to detention so why would he give Zack a break? Add to that, Screech is mad at Zack for forgetting his birthday. So, I would think Zack would especially be someone that Screech would want to punish.

Secondly, why couldn’t they just throw Screech a surprise party at Zack’s house? Or Slater’s house? Or the Maxx? Or anywhere other than Belding’s office?

Third, this episode does feature two of my favorite supporting characters, Neil the nasty hall monitor and Mr. Dewey (Patrick Thomas O’Brien), the burned out teacher. Sadly, this was Neil’s only appearance.

Fourth, this episode was filmed for the first season and aired in syndication as a part of the first season but, for some reason, NBC didn’t air the episode until the fourth season. It’s really not any worse than the typical Saved By The Bell episode so it’s odd that NBC held off on airing it for so long.

Fifth, always remember your friends’s birthdays. It’s not that hard!