Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, it’s a musical conflict!

Episode 5.16 “Battle of the Bands”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 31st, 1982)

Jon Baker cannot understand the appeal of punk rock.  He says that the punk rockers all seem to be suburban kids so why are they so angry?  They’re not from “the ghetto,” as Baker puts it.

“Suburbs can be a ghetto too, Jon.” Grossie says.

Grossie, who is definitely my favorite member of the Highway Patrol, explains that he likes to keep up with youth culture and, as a result, he understands the difference between Punk and New Wave.  Punk rockers have fans who slam dance while New Wave bands have fans who pogo.  Grossie demonstrates how to do each dance while the other members of the Highway Patrol watch.  When Getraer demands to know why Grossie is slamming himself against the lockers in the locker room, Grossie proceeds to hop out of the room.

This is all important information for Baker to have because there’s a Battle of the Bands coming up.  New Waver Snow Pink (Susan Richardson) is eager to win but her guitars were recently stolen out of her band’s van.  Unfortunately, Snow Pink has been targeted by Pain, a punk band that is led by Thrasher (William Forsythe).  Thrasher doesn’t care about making good music.  All he wants to do is cause trouble!

Now, I will say that Thrasher is kind of intimidating.  That’s more due to him being played by a young William Forsythe than anything else.  He’s a “punk,” which, in the world of CHiPs, means that he has a mohawk and his two bandmates have shaved heads.  (If anything, they look more like Neo-Nazis than punk rockers.  Johnny Rotten would have kicked them out of a moving car.)  That said, when Thrasher flicks his lighter and talks about trashing the club, you believe that there’s a very good chance that he’ll do just that.  Fortunately, the Highway Patrol is there to stop him.

Now, as you probably already guessed, there was no way that CHiPs was going to do a Battle of the Bands episode without giving Ponch a band.  Ponch competes and he sings Kool & The Gang’s Celebration.  It’s disco vs punk vs new wave!  Of course, punk doesn’t really get to compete because the band is arrested.  And Ponch really can’t win because then his character would have an excuse to leave the show.  So, it’s not a shock when Snow Pink wins the Battle of the Bands.

To be absolutely honest, this episode was surprisingly fun.  It was definitely an episode of its era, embracing both music and the moral panic of the 80s.  The punks were unconvincing.  Snow Pink was actually a pretty good singer.  Estrada flashed that blinding grin while singing disco.  Baker once again comes close to getting a romantic subplot.  Grossie gets a monologue about the ideology of punk rock.  What’s not to like?  Bury this episode in the ground because it’s a time capsule!

One final note: Baker, at one point, says that Ponch might leave the Highway Patrol to pursue his musical career.  It’s impossible not to hear the note of hope in Larry Wilcox’s voice.