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Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.14 “Farewell Dance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

Yay!  It’s the final country club episode!

Episode 2.14 “Farewell Dance”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

The summer is coming to an end and so is the gang’s indentured servitude at the Palisades Country Club.  The farewell dance approaches and with it comes the hope of romance and the pain of the heartbreak.

For instance, Bobby pretends to be rich so that snobby club member Michele (Ebonie Smith) will go to the dance with him.  Michele loves it when Bobby talks about how his father is a millionaire who owns a private jet and hangs out with the Queen of England.  But when Lindsay points out that Michele isn’t falling for the real Bobby, Bobby decides to tell Michele the truth.  Michele dumps Bobby and apparently, we’re meant to see Bobby as the victim here.  Bobby shouts that he wouldn’t ever go on a date with a girl who refuses to date poor people.  Uhmm, Bobby, have you considered that maybe she just refuses to date liars?  Anyway, as often happened on any episode where Bobby or Megan even thought about dating anyone who wasn’t listed in the opening credits, Bobby and Megan ended up going to the dance together.

Meanwhile, Screech is upset because Allison is going to be moving to New York to attend Julliard.  Screech announces that he’s going to go to New York with her, even though that means he won’t get his degree.  (Can’t Screech just transfer to a school in New Yor?)  Allison decides that she can’t go to Julliard because it would mean Screech giving up his dreams.  (“You have a future with Mr. Belding and Bayside,” Allison tells him.  Uhmm ….. what?)  Screech realizes that Allison has to pursue her dreams so he tells her to go to New York without him.  Allison plays Screech a really bland piano piece that she wrote for him and then they share a final dance.

The main problem with this episode …. oh Hell, you know what the main problem was.  The main problem’s initials are D and D.  Dustin Diamond gives such a cartoonish performance that it’s hard to believe that Allison would have ever fallen for him in the first place.  There are no emotional stakes when it comes to any story involving Screech because there’s nothing real about Screech.  As a character, he’s the equivalent of Bobby’s father’s private jet.

All that said, at least the county club episodes are over with!  Yay!  Always be thankful for the little things.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.4 “Rock Devil Rock”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch learns about shock rock!

Episode 6.4 “Rock Devil Rock”

(Dir by John Astin, originally aired on October 31st, 1982)

It’s a Halloween episode of CHiPs!

Moloch (Don Most) is a singer who wears frightful makeup and sings songs like “Devil Take Me” but, once he takes off the makeup, he’s a rather meek and mild-mannered drummer who feels that he’s been forced to embrace an image that doesn’t fit him.  His manager (Peter Marshall) is convinced that Moloch can be the biggest star ever.  His manager is also trying to kill Moloch in order to guarantee that Moloch’s new record will hit the top of the charts.  He’s even included backwards messages in Moloch’s music.  Moloch will die …. Moloch will die….

Most of the Highway Patrol believes that Moloch is faking the numerous attempts on his life.  However, Ponch believes that Moloch is being targeted.  Luckily, Ponch is able to save Moloch because this is….

The Highway Patrol also holds their annual Halloween party.  Elvira, Mistress of the Dark shows up as herself and shares a dance with Ponch.  Ponch dresses up like a matador.  Bobby shows up as a Musketeer.  Getraer dresses up like General Patton but he doesn’t get to dance with Elvira.  That’s Ponch’s job.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.15 “Torello on Trial”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Luca prepares for Vegas.

Episode 1.15 “Torello On Trial”

(Dir by Gary Sinise, originally aired on January 16th, 1987)

Buh-bye, Chicago!

Seriously, this is a huge episode.

It doesn’t start out as a huge episode.  It starts out as just another courtroom drama.  Mike Torello has been called by Ray Luca’s defense attorney to testify about the accusations that Frank Homan made against him.  By defending himself against Homan’s false claim that Torello was on the take, Torello will also be destroying the credibility of the state’s case against Luca, Phil Bartoli, and Paulie.  Torello’s not happy about it.  He’s even less happy when U.S. Attorney Brietel’s aggressive cross-examination reveals that Torello actually does have several acquaintances who are connected to the mob.  Of course, most of those acquaintances have been killed over the past few episodes.  As Brietel puts it, violence tends to follow Torello around.

Fortunately, the next day, David Abrams requests to be allowed to cross-examine Torello.  David reveals that Torello was a decorated soldier in Korea.  He reveals the Torello has been given regular commendations by the Chicago Police Department.  David makes Torello look like a saint.

As a result, the jury decides that Homan is not a credible witness.  Luca, Paulie, and Bartoli are all acquitted.  Brietel is told that the Justice Department has decided to drop the indictment against Torello.  Torello tells Brietel that the blood of anyone killed by Luca will be on his hands.  Brietel is not having a good day.

The first 35 minutes or so of this episode were solid but still felt like a standard and slightly predictable episode of Crime Story.  It wasn’t until the last 10 minutes or so that this episode really took off.

At a conference held immediately after Luca and company are acquitted, Manny Weisbrod convinces Chicago gangster Dom Tranchita (Joseph Ragno) to agree to invest ten million dollars in Luca’s plan to take over Las Vegas.  In return for the money, Manny agrees to allow Dom to continue to deal drugs in Chicago.  Luca and Paulie make plans to immediately head to Las Vegas to start their new lives.

The night, before leaving town, Luca drops in on Tranchita and shoots him dead.  Then, Luca goes over to Bartoli’s house and kills him as well.  We’re reminded that Luca is someone who can kill without hesitation.  It doesn’t matter that he and Bartoli worked together.  Luca is cleaning up all of the loose ends before he leaves Chicago.

Meanwhile, Torello is invited to a meeting in a hotel.  U.S. Deputy Attorney General Patrick Hallahan (Jann Wenner) tells him that the Justice Department is setting up a national task force to take down Luca and that it’s going to be headquartered in Chicago and Las Vegas.  He asks Torello to be in charge of it.  Torello says that he has no interest in working with the same Justice Department that tried to throw him in prison.  Hallahan reveals that Brietel has been “reassigned to Anchorage” and that David Abrams will be working with Torello.  The members of the Major Crimes Unit will be reassigned to the strike force.

There’s only one condition.  As much as Torello wants to take Luca down, he’s going to have to wait until he has enough evidence to take down the entire organization with him.

Torello nods.  He’s going to Vegas!

It makes sense really.  Torello has nothing left in Chicago.  He’s divorced, he has no real friends outside of the other members of the Major Crimes Unit.  Torello’s only purpose in life is to stop Ray Luca.  What choice does Torello have but to follow him to Vegas?  Torello is obsessed and, if he had to stay in Chicago while Luca went to Vegas, he would have been miserable.  It’s good for the government and good for the show that Torello agreed to take charge of the task force.  But, as the episode ends, it’s hard not to feel that it won’t be good for Torello’s mental health.

This turned out to be a great episode,  To be honest, I was starting to get a little bit bored with Crime Story.  But now, with the story heading in a new direction, I can’t wait to see what happens!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.21 “Partners And Other Strangers”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, we discover that Daniel Baldwin will not be returning to Homicide.

Episode 5.21 “Partners and Other Strangers”

(Dir by Leslie Libman and Larry Williams, originally aired on May 9th, 1997)

A call to investigate what appears to be a suicide leads Pembleton and Brodie to an isolated house in Baltimore.  The dead man has been found with a shotgun in his hands and his face blown apart.  It’s not until Pembleton looks at the dead man’s ID that he discovers that the man is former Detective Beau Felton.

Played by Daniel Baldwin, Felton was originally a major character on Homicide.  He was the cynical, sweaty detective who had an affair with Megan Russert, a partnership with Kay Howard, and a marriage with a crazy woman who wouldn’t let him see his kids.  Felton is the one who Robin Williams yelled at for being an insensitive ass in the Bop Gun episode.  As the series progressed and the focus shifted from characters like Felton and Bolander to Pembleton and Bayliss, Felton was given less and less too.  Daniel Baldwin was fired from the series at the end of season 3.  Felton was said to have been suspended for his rowdy behavior at a convention.

The episode fills us in on what happened to Felton after his suspension.  He apparently retired from the force and then stopped returning phone calls.  He disappeared and everyone else moved on.  At first, the squad room wonders if they could have done anything to prevent Felton’s suicide.  Howard and Lewis (who lost his previous partner to suicide and who nearly lost Kellerman to the same thing) are especially hit hard.  We get several flashbacks to the episodes that featured Felton and we’re reminded of just how much Daniel Baldwin used to sweat when he was on the show.

Dr. Cox takes a look at the skull fragments and the blood splatter and she realizes that Felton didn’t kill himself.  He was shot in the back of the head and then someone tried to make it look like he committed suicide.  Pembleton, Howard, and Bayliss are now investigating the murder of Beau Felton and they’re getting some help.

Megan Russert flies in from France to offer up her skills as an investigator.  If I remember correctly, Russert was never that good of a detective but it’s nice that she showed up.

Detective Paul Falsone (Jon Seda), from the auto theft squad, says that Felton was working with a notorious group of car thieves.  Falsone wants to help the investigation for …. reasons, I guess.

Finally, Detective Stuart Gharty (Peter Gerety) shows up.  When we last saw Gharty, he was a decorated cop who was too scared to enter an apartment building to help out one of his fellow officers.  Now, Gharty is working for Internal Affairs.  He reveals to Giardello that Felton was working undercover and he was helping to uncover a crooked cop in the department.  Colonel Barnfather announces that Gharty is going to work with Homicide on the Felton case.

Even if I didn’t already know that Falsone and Gharty are going to become regular characters during season six, it would be obvious from the introductions they’re given in this episode.  Peter Gerety, who later played a sympathetic judge on The Wire, is fine in the role of Gharty.  But I can already tell that Falsone is going to annoy me.  Some of it is because his character is the type of cliche that Homicide has, to this point, avoided.  He’s a young rebel who gets results …. HIS WAY!  From the minute he shows up, he’s telling Howard and Pembleton how they should conduct their investigation and it’s kind of annoying.  I mean, who the Hell is this jerk?  As played by Jon Seda, Falsone mumbles the majority of his dialogue and he just doesn’t seem like he belongs on Homicide.

This is a two-parter so we’ll see how the investigation wraps up (or doesn’t) next week.  Oddly, I have to admit that Felton’s death didn’t really have the type of emotional impact that the show seemed to think that it would.  Unlike the lovably eccentric Crosetti, Felton was never really that interesting of a character.  Far more impactful than the squadroom thinking about all of the times Felton acted like a jerk was the scene where Pembleton followed Bayliss to his uncle’s home.  Later, Pembleton told Bayliss that he now understood why Bayliss has been missing work.  In the past, this would have led to a fight between the two of them but both Bayliss and Pembleton have grown over the season.  Pembleton apologizes for following Bayliss.  (“I’m a detective.  It’s what I do.”)  Bayliss opens up about how he’s struggling with the concept of forgiveness.  As always, the show’s heart is with Bayliss and Pembleton.

Next week, season 5 comes to an end!

Brad reviews STRAW DOGS (2011), starring James Marsden, Kate Bosworth, Alexander Skarsgard and James Woods!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

After reading a lot of negative reviews, I went into this 2011 remake of Sam Peckinpah’s STRAW DOGS expecting to not like it. I only bought the DVD because I’m a James Woods super-fan and completist. The good thing about that lowering of expectations, though, is that in my first viewing (in 2026) I was able to focus on the movie itself rather than in comparison to the original. After watching it, I would never argue that this version is a great movie, but I did find myself enjoying it more than I thought I would.

David and Amy Sumner (James Marsden and Kate Bosworth) arrive in her childhood hometown of Blackwater, Mississippi, where David plans to work on a screenplay while they fix up her old family home. David’s a successful Hollywood screenwriter, but he’s not tough at all, which is at odds with the small town football and southern deer-hunting culture he now finds himself in. Amy, who’s had some success as an actress, has a history with many of the people in town, especially her old boyfriend Charlie (Alexander Skarsgard). Eventually that history turns into something much more dangerous than you would ever imagine (if you hadn’t seen the original).

Because I’ve only seen the original film once or twice in my currently 52-year-old life, I don’t necessarily hold it as some sort of untouchable masterpiece of cinema, and I can like how this version of STRAW DOGS builds its tension. There are definitely some moments where I found myself wondering what the hell David and Amy were thinking. David seems intent on giving the local yokels every possible opportunity to walk all over him. Then again, as a person who always tries to be nice and avoid a fight, I don’t know how much different I would have been. I would hope that if my wife and entire livelihood was being threatened, however, I’d find the intestinal fortitude to do whatever it takes to protect them and myself. David eventually does find that nature within himself.

Amy’s unexplained behavior is even worse. After being offended that the locals ogle her when she’s exercising, she decides the appropriate response is taking her top off purposely in front of an open window so those same locals can see. While I can unequivocally state that there’s never any excuse for violence against women among rational people, the problem is that these are irrational people who don’t play by the rules of society. This is one of those cases where the only possible explanation for Amy’s behavior is because the screenplay needed her to do it. Even when the worst case scenario eventually plays out, the despicable behavior taps into our basic instincts and we want to see vengeance served. 

James Marsden and Kate Bosworth are okay as David and Amy. Their characters aren’t particularly engaging, but you can’t help but pull for them in comparison to those around them. Alexander Skarsgard is awkward and creepy as Charlie, Amy’s old boyfriend. I loved him as the powerful vampire in the HBO series TRUE BLOOD. He’s something totally different here, and he eventually goes so far off the reservation you can’t help but want him to get his comeuppance. Of course, I wanted to watch the movie because of James Woods, who plays Tom Heddon, a former local high school football coach who seems to be just a drunk at the bar these days. It turns out that he’s loud, mean and incredibly nasty. In a history of playing vicious bastards, this character plays out as one of his worst. It’s an incredible performance just a couple of years before, as Woods has said, his unapologetically conservative political views would essentially get him blackballed from Hollywood. 

The final scenes are extremely violent, and based on what we’ve seen, it’s hard not to feel that the violence is justified. It’s ugly, but I won’t deny that I wasn’t emotionally moved to see it. Legendary film critic Roger Ebert would say that he preferred this remake to the original. I won’t go that far, but that’s a pretty strong indicator that this film shouldn’t be dismissed just because most won’t find it to be as good as the original. What it is is a mean, violent thriller with some strong performances, especially from Skarsgard and Woods. If you’re willing to forget that it’s a remake of a superior film from 40 years earlier, you just may enjoy it! 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.1 “The Fabolous Belding Boys”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Rod Belding comes to Bayside.

Episode 3.1 “The Fabolous Belding Boys”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 9th, 1990)

“You’re jealous of your own brother!” Zack snaps at Mr. Belding in this episode and you really do have to wonder how Zack was always able to get away with using that tone of voice with his principal.  Most students would end up getting expelled if they talked to any adult that way.

Mr. Belding really goes through the ringer this episode.  After the authoritarian history teacher has a nervous breakdown, Belding reluctantly allows his younger brother, long-haired Rod (Edward Blatchford), to teach the class.  Soon, Rod is throwing away the midterm exam and allowing the students to pick their own grades.  (Screech gives himself a B-.)  Rod also convinces the students — well, a small handful of them — that the next class trip should involve white water rafting instead of going to Yosemite like his brother suggested.

That Rod is one cool guy until he decides, at literally the last minute, to blow off the rafting trip so he can hang out with a stewardess.  “Cover f0r me!” Rod tells Mr. Belding.  “Get out of my school, Rod,” Belding says, not knowing that Zack has overheard the entire converastation.

Mr. Belding does cover for his brother by claiming that Rod has the flu but he also volunteers to take his brother’s place on the rafting trip.  Now, it’s already been established that Mr. Belding has no experience with white water rafting and apparently, he can’t even swim.  So, there’s a  good chance that the senior class is going to lose a few members over the weekend.  But for now, all that matters is that the school trip is back on.

Zack apologizes to Mr. Belding.

“Rod is the more exciting Belding,” Mr. Belding admits.

“We got the better Belding,” Zack replies.

Awwwww!

This is definitely one of the best episodes of Saved By The Bell.  For once, Belding gets to be something other than a fool and Zack is forced to admit that he was wrong wrong.  Dennis Haskins shines in this episode and, for that matter, so does Edward Blatchford as Rod.

As I watched this episode, I was reminded of that episode of Good Morning Miss Bliss in which Bliss’s mentor was hired as a substitute and did a lot of the same crap that Rod did.  On Good Morning Miss Bliss, the substitute was portrayed as being a hero.  On Saved By The Bell, he’s a self-absorbed creep.  The Saved By The Bell version is the better version.

It’s the better Belding.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.15 “Big Monday”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Mitch and Hobie are scared!

Episode 2.15 “Big Monday”

(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan, originally aired on February 10th, 1992)

Hobie has a problem.  A huge tropical wave is scheduled to hit the beach on Monday and all of his friends are looking forward to surfing it.  His friends all say that Hobie is “chicken” because he won’t take the big waves.  Hobie goes to Shauni for advice.  Shauni offers to help him learn how to be a better surfer.  Hobie wonders why he can’t be more like his dad.  Mitch isn’t scared of anything.

Actually, Mitch is terrified of that big wave.  Every time that someone mentions it, Mitch flashes back to watching a friend get washed away by a giant wave in 1961.  With a new wave approaching, Mitch is scared that the same thing will happen again.  Luckily, a visiting Hawaiian surfer just happens to be around to give Mitch an enchanted necklace.

Kaye, Mitch’s little-seen girlfriend, befriends a deaf girl on the beach.  She tries to convince the girl’s mother to allow her to enroll Kaye in a sign language class.  The girl’s mother is scared that her daughter will always be an outsider unless she learns how to read lips.  (One of the teachers at the school is played by future Oscar nominee Paul Raci.)

Will Hobie prove that he can handle the waves?

Will Mitch overcome his guilt over his friend’s death?

Will Kaye convince the mother to enroll her daughter in sign language class?

Yes, yes, and yes.  This is Baywatch.  Other than that lifeguard getting killed by a shark, there are no unhappy endings.

As for this episode, I’ll give it some credit for having one unifying theme.  All of the stories are connected by the theme of conquering your fears.  Actually having a narrative theme is definitely a step forward for this show.  That said, it’s still Baywatch.  Everything happens a bit too easily in this episode.  Yes, this episode says, fear is real.  But, if you stick around for 40 minute, your fears will magically disappear in time for the end credits to roll.

This was a silly episode but at least its heart was in the right place.